Disclaimer: I don't own X-Men Evolution. Just the plot line. Ok?
I'm cursed.
That's all there is to know. I was given a curse in life, and I have to deal with it. I've accepted that and have moved on.
But what is my blight? Poison skin that hurts anyone who touches me. I found that out at the worst possible time back home in Mississippi, and have felt the burden of it on my shoulders ever since. I can't get close to people. As much as I want to, I can't. I don't want to hurt anybody. But every time I see people together, hugging, being close, my heart feels like it wants to rip apart. I want so much what they have. I want to be touched; to be close to someone. And then I get mad, knowing how much people take that freedom for granted. They can be close to people, and they do. But when they have fights, they yell and don't want to be anywhere near that person. Is that how they treat what they're given? How they treat their blessing? If I were them, I would apologize. If I ever told anyone that, no one would believe. That's because I stay mean, to keep people away. I just don't want to hurt anyone.
But Logan sees right through me. Maybe it's because he's the same way. He's cursed with an enemy named Sabertooth, who will use anything Logan has against him. In a way, Logan and I can relate because of what we both have.
But I also have something that Logan doesn't have: voices. I hear them in my head all the time, fighting, yelling for me to do something. I lock them away as best as I can, and just think for myself most of the time. But it's so hard. Every voice, every person, wants to take over. When I touch someone, a part of them stays inside me. And then they start fighting. Most times, I can't take it. I want them all to be gone, to leave me alone. But I can't get rid of them. And if I told anyone, then I would probably end up being sent to a mental hospital. I don't want that, especially since I haven't gone crazy. I'm just trying to live. But it's hard to do that when Magneto's voice is screaming for you to kill every human in sight, and then the voices start fighting. The headaches I get from them are unbearable, and plague me almost every day. Well, when I can't lock them away.
No one knows any of this, and I plan to keep it that way. But, deep down, I know that someone needs to know. But who? I'm not close to anyone. They would all think I'm mental. I don't want to tell Logan; I don't know how he would react. I can't tell Kitty, because she would get worried. Kurt…he would be the same way. But I need help. I can't control the voices, its almost getting the point where they're free all the time. I'm starting to forget who I am. Sometimes, I'm Kitty, flipping through magazines and looking for a cute pink top. Sometimes, I'm Jean, kind and understanding. But I almost can't control it anymore. I don't know what to do. Sometimes at night, when the voices go away, I want to break down and cry because I know I'm losing it. I'm losing the cool control I once had. I'm losing my mind. And I'm losing who I am.
I'm so scared. I'm afraid that one day, I might just completely lose my identity, giving in to the voices unwillingly. I'm afraid that I might kill every human, or attack Logan, or do something awful. I don't want that. I want to be who I am, without these damned voices.
But how? How can I do any of this? How can I keep going on, day by day, knowing that the voices may try to take control of me at any moment? How can I go on, afraid that I'll hurt someone? How can I stay isolated, when all I really need is someone to be close, to understand? How can I shed everything, exposing myself as who I really am? How can I make myself vulnerable, knowing that people can and will make fun of me? How can I just peel away all the toughened layers that protect me and allow people to scrutinize me?
More importantly, how can I allow someone to get close to me, and still keep them safe?
Hey. Sorry this is so short, but in my Word document, its about two pages. Believe it or not. I'm hoping that the next chapters will be longer.
My third X-Men Evolution fic written. Tell me if you like it.
---Jojo---