Okay, my name is Mel, not J.K. Rowling, so guess what? I don't own this!!
YEY!! Okay here we go
'What's the point?' he thought to himself, taking another sip of firewisky, 'My wife is gone, my child is gone, my best friends are gone, and now the only one I have left is starting to go too. My whole life is in shambles.' Sirius took yet another sip, almost downing the whole bottle, while he pondered the meaning of life a little longer. Since he was talking to himself, we come to realize just how long and how much he has been drinking. He took his wand off the table and played with it, throwing it up in the air and trying to catch it with one hand, unsuccessfully. 'I could do it,' he thought, 'No one is here to stop me and know one would know.' But just at that moment Harry's head popped into his fire,
"Sirius?" he said
"YesHarry?" he slurred
"I just wanted to ask you-"he looked at Sirius, something was not right, he looked even paler and scruffy than normal, "What are you doing?" he finished, although that is not what he had intended to say
"You tooktime out ofyour busy day to askwhatI am doing?" he slurred again
"Yes, is there something wrong with caring for my godfather?" he asked, now almost sure what was going on
"Nothing." Came the response
"Nothing wrong with caring, or you've been doing nothing?" he asked, hoping it wasn't the latter
"I haveben do-hic-doing nothing." He slurred, once again
"Really?" Harry said, with a little mock in his tone as Sirius nodded, " Because it does not look like nothing to me, have you been drinking?"
"Now why would yousaythat?" Sirius tried not to slur, but he was drunk, it comes with the territory
"Because you are slurring and acting odd." Stated Harry, quite plainly
"Well, Ihavenot been dri-hic-drinking." He lied, and with that Harry pulled his head out of the fire and popped, in the flesh, next to Sirius.
"Harry!" he said in mock joy, "What a nice surprise."
"You knew damn well I was going to come here, after that shitty performance." He said, his anger rising
"Performance? Iknowof no such-hic-thing." He said
"Okay then, just give me the bottle, mate." Said Harry reaching for the firewisky
"Why shouldI?" he asked, pulling it from him
"Because if you don't, I will curse you into oblivion." Harry said, his wand out
"Well, I have a wand too, ya know!" Sirius said heatedly, as he tried to stand, but he staggered and fell, while the firewisky bottle crashed on the floor "Shit"
"Now will you listen to me?" Harry said
"Ugh" was what came from the floor
Harry made him a cup of coffee, and in minutes Sirius was out. 'Gotta love that sleeping potion' Harry thought to himself, as he levitated Sirius upstairs into his bed. 'He can make his own potion for the hangover in the morning himself' Harry thought heatedly. Just at that moment Remus apperated into the living room.
"Oh, hello Harry. Is Sirius here?" He asked
"Sorry, Remus, he drunk, I just put him to bed."
"Oh." Remus said, sounding sympathetic, "I'm sorry for the way he's been acting, Harry."
Harry was taking the bottles of firewisky and making them disappear after dumping their continence down the drain, "What? Oh no, it's fine."
"No, its not. He needs to get a hold of himself."
"He just going through a phase, he'll get over it" 'I hope', Harry thought
"Okay, whatever you say, Harry." And with a pop Remus was gone
'I'm sure he'll be over this soon' Harry thought as he left the house
Sirius had been acting odd ever since Harry left school. Even though, with the return of Lord Voldermort, Sirius's name had been cleared he still seemed distant. Harry lived with Sirius as he went through and completed Auror training. It was the happiest Harry had ever seen Sirius, but every now and then Sirius would have bouts of depression and lock himself in Buckbeak's room for days at a time. After Harry became a full-time Auror the drinking started. No one knew about it at first, Sirius covered it up. But after a while Harry found out, and so did the others. They all tried to help him, but he would not tell them what was wrong. So they had no means to stop him; they all cared for him though, and would check on him now and then. Harry the most, not wanting to loose his godfather, especially to something as stupid as alcohol. Both Harry and Remus had started to make a theory as to why Sirius was acting this way. Surprisingly, both these theories were very close, but as Remus knew more about Sirius than Harry did, his was a bit better. Oh, how Harry wished his godfather would just let him in, all he wanted to do was help.
"Oh shit," whined Sirius, "My head...pain...hangover...owwwwww!"
"Stop whining, you big baby" came a voice from down stairs, "I've got a potion for you, come and get it."
Sirius walked into the kitchen and sat at the table, a flask of blue liquid in front of him, "Thanks Harry," he said taking a swig of the foul tasting liquid, "What would I do without you?"
"If you're so grateful, why don't you tell me what's wrong?" said Harry quietly, but Sirius still heard him
"There's nothing wrong," he said, "I'm just fine."
Harry, who was cleaning some dishes in the sink (Sirius didn't bother to clean and Kreatcher died years ago, not that he was much help) turned to face his godfather, "You are not 'fine' and you know it. You drink all day and sleep it off al night, you haven't left this house in months!" he said, his voice rising, "And what's more, you don't even tell us, the people who care for you, what is wrong!" almost yelling
Sirius stood up, but Harry had grown a lot and was still taller then him, "I'm fine, and I keep telling you that, but you wont believe me. And as for my drinking, it my choice. So what if I want to have a drink now and then, there is nothing wrong with that!" he yelled back
"A drink now and then?! A drink now and then?!?!" he yelled, "How can you say that? YOU DRINK All DAY, SIRIUS!!" he bellowed
"IF YOU CARE SO MUCH WHY DID YOU LEAVE?" Sirius bellowed back
"LEAVE? SIRIUS, I'M TWENTY-FIVE YEARS OLD! YOU HAVE TO LET GO, I HAVE A LIFE NOW!"
"AND WHAT? I'M SO INSIGNIFICANT I CAN'T BE APART OFIT?"
"Is that what you think?" Harry said, lowering his voice, "That I don't care about you? Sirius, you are all I have, of course I care about you. But I hate being around you when you drink, which is all the time now." He finished quietly
"I'm all you have, eh?" also lowering his voice, but still harsh tones, "What about Paige? You care more for that whore than you do for me." At that moment Remus walked in
"That whore......" Harry breathed
Remus looked from Harry to Sirius, stunned at his words, not knowing quite what to say. It happened in a flash, Remus couldn't have stopped it if he wanted to, Harry whipped out his wand, pointed it as Sirius, and yelled "Crusio!" Sirius, wandless and caught off guard fell to the floor in screams of pain.
"Harry!" Remus yelled
"Teach him to call Paige a whore." He said coldly and thundered out of the Most Honorable House Of Black, slamming the door
"That was really smooth, Sirius." Remus said, helping his friend into a chair
"Do you think he will ever forgive me?"
"Not for a very long time."
~*~*~ Harry's falt~*~*
"That piece of shit!" he yelled, "He called you a whore, do you believe him??"
"He loves you, and didn't want you to leave his life, it was a plea for help" Paige reasoned "Did you really use Crusio on him?" she asked
"You're damn right I did!" he thundered "He......you......I HATE HIM!"
"No you don't" she said, not wanting to be the reason Harry never spoke to his godfather again, "Calm down, he was wrong, all three of us know that. But you love him, and you know it."
"I......He......How...How can I forgive him for this?" Harry said "I love you, and he called you-"her looked at he face, "What?"
"Nothing," she said "It's just, you just said you loved me." She blushed
"Of course I love you, you didn't know that?" he said warmly
"Well, now I know it." She said, "We'll go talk to Sirius tomorrow may-"
"NO WE WILL NOT!" Harry said, a bit to loudly, "Sorry, but I am never talking to him again, ever."
~*~*~The Most Honorable House Of Black~*~*~
"He's never going to talk to me again," Sirius said into a bottle of butterbeer, as Harry had gotten rid of all the firewisky, "I did the one thing I wanted to prevent."
"Yes he will," said Remus, taking a sip from his own butterbeer, "Give him time. And while you wait, why don't you do the one thing he wants, and tell someone what is bothering you?"
"When will you all leave me alone?" he asked, "I'm fine, just drop it."
"Sirius, I have known you for forty years, and I know when there is something wrong." He said, "I know even better when you try to hide it." He added quietly
"Hide it? Hide what? There is nothing to hide, and I'm not hiding it." He said stubbornly
"Oh, will you please give it up? Harry is right; you drink all day, and sleep it off all night, every night. If that's not hiding something, what is?"
"I...He...Oh god, you're right."
"Okay, so what is it?"
"Everything!" he started to cry, "It's my fault two of my best friends are gone, it's my fault my wife and child are gone, and now it's my fault Harry is gone too. I just...kill everyone I love, one way or another."
"You do not, I'm still here, right? And it not your fault Lily and James are-"
Sirius cut him off, "Yes it is! If I-"
Remus cut him off, a bit louder, "It's not your fault Sara lef-"
Sirius cut him off, louder still, "If I had just-"
Remus cut him off, yelling, "IT'S NOT YOUR FALUT HAR-"
Sirius cut him off, also yelling, "I SAID, IT DIDN-"
"STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF!! THEY ARE GONE BECAUSE OF OTHER FORCES, NOT YOU!
"YES THEY ARE!" he counted off on his fingers, "IF I HADENT MADE PETER BE SECRET KEEPER JAMES AND LILY WOULD STILL BE HERE. IF I HAD JUST DONE WHAT SARA WANTED SHE WOULD NOT HAVE LEFT THAT NIGHT AND SHE AND MY UNBORN CHILD WOULD NOT HAVE DIED. IT I WERENT SUCH AN IDOIT I WOULD NOT HAVE CALLED PAIGE A WHORE AND HARRY WOULD STILL WANT TO TALK TO ME!!!!!!!!!" he finished, painting as though he had just run a race
Remus took a deep breath and said in a calm voice, "First of all, if you haven't noticed, Harry is not dead, so you don't kill everyone you love. And second of all, you had know way of knowing Peter was a death eater, you could not have prevented James's and Lily's death. You and Sara had a fight and she needed to go for a walk, you, again, could not have prevented that car from hitting her. You love Harry and you did not want him to leave you, that is understandable. Yes, what you said was harsh, but you cannot control how he will react. All of the things you are blaming yourself for had outside causes you could not control. So don't blame yourself, it won't do anyone any good."
"Get out, Remus." Sirius said in calm tones
"Sirius I-"he started
"GET OUT!"
He left, quietly closing the door behind him. Sirius sat in the house, alone, falling deeper and deeper into his depression. He finished his butterbeer and went up to his bed, as he got into bed he thought, 'I bet they wouldn't even notice if I were gone."
SO?? Whatja think? This is my first HP fanfic, I hope it was okay, please R&R! ~me
'What's the point?' he thought to himself, taking another sip of firewisky, 'My wife is gone, my child is gone, my best friends are gone, and now the only one I have left is starting to go too. My whole life is in shambles.' Sirius took yet another sip, almost downing the whole bottle, while he pondered the meaning of life a little longer. Since he was talking to himself, we come to realize just how long and how much he has been drinking. He took his wand off the table and played with it, throwing it up in the air and trying to catch it with one hand, unsuccessfully. 'I could do it,' he thought, 'No one is here to stop me and know one would know.' But just at that moment Harry's head popped into his fire,
"Sirius?" he said
"YesHarry?" he slurred
"I just wanted to ask you-"he looked at Sirius, something was not right, he looked even paler and scruffy than normal, "What are you doing?" he finished, although that is not what he had intended to say
"You tooktime out ofyour busy day to askwhatI am doing?" he slurred again
"Yes, is there something wrong with caring for my godfather?" he asked, now almost sure what was going on
"Nothing." Came the response
"Nothing wrong with caring, or you've been doing nothing?" he asked, hoping it wasn't the latter
"I haveben do-hic-doing nothing." He slurred, once again
"Really?" Harry said, with a little mock in his tone as Sirius nodded, " Because it does not look like nothing to me, have you been drinking?"
"Now why would yousaythat?" Sirius tried not to slur, but he was drunk, it comes with the territory
"Because you are slurring and acting odd." Stated Harry, quite plainly
"Well, Ihavenot been dri-hic-drinking." He lied, and with that Harry pulled his head out of the fire and popped, in the flesh, next to Sirius.
"Harry!" he said in mock joy, "What a nice surprise."
"You knew damn well I was going to come here, after that shitty performance." He said, his anger rising
"Performance? Iknowof no such-hic-thing." He said
"Okay then, just give me the bottle, mate." Said Harry reaching for the firewisky
"Why shouldI?" he asked, pulling it from him
"Because if you don't, I will curse you into oblivion." Harry said, his wand out
"Well, I have a wand too, ya know!" Sirius said heatedly, as he tried to stand, but he staggered and fell, while the firewisky bottle crashed on the floor "Shit"
"Now will you listen to me?" Harry said
"Ugh" was what came from the floor
Harry made him a cup of coffee, and in minutes Sirius was out. 'Gotta love that sleeping potion' Harry thought to himself, as he levitated Sirius upstairs into his bed. 'He can make his own potion for the hangover in the morning himself' Harry thought heatedly. Just at that moment Remus apperated into the living room.
"Oh, hello Harry. Is Sirius here?" He asked
"Sorry, Remus, he drunk, I just put him to bed."
"Oh." Remus said, sounding sympathetic, "I'm sorry for the way he's been acting, Harry."
Harry was taking the bottles of firewisky and making them disappear after dumping their continence down the drain, "What? Oh no, it's fine."
"No, its not. He needs to get a hold of himself."
"He just going through a phase, he'll get over it" 'I hope', Harry thought
"Okay, whatever you say, Harry." And with a pop Remus was gone
'I'm sure he'll be over this soon' Harry thought as he left the house
Sirius had been acting odd ever since Harry left school. Even though, with the return of Lord Voldermort, Sirius's name had been cleared he still seemed distant. Harry lived with Sirius as he went through and completed Auror training. It was the happiest Harry had ever seen Sirius, but every now and then Sirius would have bouts of depression and lock himself in Buckbeak's room for days at a time. After Harry became a full-time Auror the drinking started. No one knew about it at first, Sirius covered it up. But after a while Harry found out, and so did the others. They all tried to help him, but he would not tell them what was wrong. So they had no means to stop him; they all cared for him though, and would check on him now and then. Harry the most, not wanting to loose his godfather, especially to something as stupid as alcohol. Both Harry and Remus had started to make a theory as to why Sirius was acting this way. Surprisingly, both these theories were very close, but as Remus knew more about Sirius than Harry did, his was a bit better. Oh, how Harry wished his godfather would just let him in, all he wanted to do was help.
"Oh shit," whined Sirius, "My head...pain...hangover...owwwwww!"
"Stop whining, you big baby" came a voice from down stairs, "I've got a potion for you, come and get it."
Sirius walked into the kitchen and sat at the table, a flask of blue liquid in front of him, "Thanks Harry," he said taking a swig of the foul tasting liquid, "What would I do without you?"
"If you're so grateful, why don't you tell me what's wrong?" said Harry quietly, but Sirius still heard him
"There's nothing wrong," he said, "I'm just fine."
Harry, who was cleaning some dishes in the sink (Sirius didn't bother to clean and Kreatcher died years ago, not that he was much help) turned to face his godfather, "You are not 'fine' and you know it. You drink all day and sleep it off al night, you haven't left this house in months!" he said, his voice rising, "And what's more, you don't even tell us, the people who care for you, what is wrong!" almost yelling
Sirius stood up, but Harry had grown a lot and was still taller then him, "I'm fine, and I keep telling you that, but you wont believe me. And as for my drinking, it my choice. So what if I want to have a drink now and then, there is nothing wrong with that!" he yelled back
"A drink now and then?! A drink now and then?!?!" he yelled, "How can you say that? YOU DRINK All DAY, SIRIUS!!" he bellowed
"IF YOU CARE SO MUCH WHY DID YOU LEAVE?" Sirius bellowed back
"LEAVE? SIRIUS, I'M TWENTY-FIVE YEARS OLD! YOU HAVE TO LET GO, I HAVE A LIFE NOW!"
"AND WHAT? I'M SO INSIGNIFICANT I CAN'T BE APART OFIT?"
"Is that what you think?" Harry said, lowering his voice, "That I don't care about you? Sirius, you are all I have, of course I care about you. But I hate being around you when you drink, which is all the time now." He finished quietly
"I'm all you have, eh?" also lowering his voice, but still harsh tones, "What about Paige? You care more for that whore than you do for me." At that moment Remus walked in
"That whore......" Harry breathed
Remus looked from Harry to Sirius, stunned at his words, not knowing quite what to say. It happened in a flash, Remus couldn't have stopped it if he wanted to, Harry whipped out his wand, pointed it as Sirius, and yelled "Crusio!" Sirius, wandless and caught off guard fell to the floor in screams of pain.
"Harry!" Remus yelled
"Teach him to call Paige a whore." He said coldly and thundered out of the Most Honorable House Of Black, slamming the door
"That was really smooth, Sirius." Remus said, helping his friend into a chair
"Do you think he will ever forgive me?"
"Not for a very long time."
~*~*~ Harry's falt~*~*
"That piece of shit!" he yelled, "He called you a whore, do you believe him??"
"He loves you, and didn't want you to leave his life, it was a plea for help" Paige reasoned "Did you really use Crusio on him?" she asked
"You're damn right I did!" he thundered "He......you......I HATE HIM!"
"No you don't" she said, not wanting to be the reason Harry never spoke to his godfather again, "Calm down, he was wrong, all three of us know that. But you love him, and you know it."
"I......He......How...How can I forgive him for this?" Harry said "I love you, and he called you-"her looked at he face, "What?"
"Nothing," she said "It's just, you just said you loved me." She blushed
"Of course I love you, you didn't know that?" he said warmly
"Well, now I know it." She said, "We'll go talk to Sirius tomorrow may-"
"NO WE WILL NOT!" Harry said, a bit to loudly, "Sorry, but I am never talking to him again, ever."
~*~*~The Most Honorable House Of Black~*~*~
"He's never going to talk to me again," Sirius said into a bottle of butterbeer, as Harry had gotten rid of all the firewisky, "I did the one thing I wanted to prevent."
"Yes he will," said Remus, taking a sip from his own butterbeer, "Give him time. And while you wait, why don't you do the one thing he wants, and tell someone what is bothering you?"
"When will you all leave me alone?" he asked, "I'm fine, just drop it."
"Sirius, I have known you for forty years, and I know when there is something wrong." He said, "I know even better when you try to hide it." He added quietly
"Hide it? Hide what? There is nothing to hide, and I'm not hiding it." He said stubbornly
"Oh, will you please give it up? Harry is right; you drink all day, and sleep it off all night, every night. If that's not hiding something, what is?"
"I...He...Oh god, you're right."
"Okay, so what is it?"
"Everything!" he started to cry, "It's my fault two of my best friends are gone, it's my fault my wife and child are gone, and now it's my fault Harry is gone too. I just...kill everyone I love, one way or another."
"You do not, I'm still here, right? And it not your fault Lily and James are-"
Sirius cut him off, "Yes it is! If I-"
Remus cut him off, a bit louder, "It's not your fault Sara lef-"
Sirius cut him off, louder still, "If I had just-"
Remus cut him off, yelling, "IT'S NOT YOUR FALUT HAR-"
Sirius cut him off, also yelling, "I SAID, IT DIDN-"
"STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF!! THEY ARE GONE BECAUSE OF OTHER FORCES, NOT YOU!
"YES THEY ARE!" he counted off on his fingers, "IF I HADENT MADE PETER BE SECRET KEEPER JAMES AND LILY WOULD STILL BE HERE. IF I HAD JUST DONE WHAT SARA WANTED SHE WOULD NOT HAVE LEFT THAT NIGHT AND SHE AND MY UNBORN CHILD WOULD NOT HAVE DIED. IT I WERENT SUCH AN IDOIT I WOULD NOT HAVE CALLED PAIGE A WHORE AND HARRY WOULD STILL WANT TO TALK TO ME!!!!!!!!!" he finished, painting as though he had just run a race
Remus took a deep breath and said in a calm voice, "First of all, if you haven't noticed, Harry is not dead, so you don't kill everyone you love. And second of all, you had know way of knowing Peter was a death eater, you could not have prevented James's and Lily's death. You and Sara had a fight and she needed to go for a walk, you, again, could not have prevented that car from hitting her. You love Harry and you did not want him to leave you, that is understandable. Yes, what you said was harsh, but you cannot control how he will react. All of the things you are blaming yourself for had outside causes you could not control. So don't blame yourself, it won't do anyone any good."
"Get out, Remus." Sirius said in calm tones
"Sirius I-"he started
"GET OUT!"
He left, quietly closing the door behind him. Sirius sat in the house, alone, falling deeper and deeper into his depression. He finished his butterbeer and went up to his bed, as he got into bed he thought, 'I bet they wouldn't even notice if I were gone."
SO?? Whatja think? This is my first HP fanfic, I hope it was okay, please R&R! ~me