Chapter 5: "Conatus" (Impulse)

Ken stared into the colored abyss for a few seconds before he snapped out of it and wondered why Aya was in his room. Aya wasn't one to bitch at petty things like this, and he was certainly not coming to make him feel better. With his pillow sitting at Aya's feet, he pulled the blanket that was around his waist up over his head. He made an unpleasant grumble when he heard footsteps coming towards his bed.

Ken made an 'oof' sound when the sheets were roughly yanked off his head.

"Okay, I give up Aya... what is it that you want?"

Abyssinian just stared at the tiny streaks of water that traveled down Ken's face and how his wet hair plastered against his forehead. The moonlight came through his window and struck the back of Ken's head, making his hair and body glisten like he was a God. Although, Aya's visions were stopped when he saw Ken's face contort into an annoyed expression. The brunette let out an angry growl.

"Didn't I tell you to stop staring at me like that unless you have something to say?! What do you want?"

Aya brushed a piece of Ken's hair out of his face. "Time."

"Time for what..?"

"Time for things to go back to the way they used to be. When nobody had time to think or get angry."

Ken let out an exasperated sigh. "When does any of that pertain to you anyway? You never even talk to any of us!"

Aya squinted his eyes and his lips creased into a frown. He didn't seem like he was totally unfeeling.. did he? He didn't mean to.. it was just the way he was and it was kind of hard to just stop being who you are. Aya really did care about his comrades to an extent, but he never really sat down to think about it...

Ken turned to face the wall. "You never tell any of us anything anyway. Hell, even if you did, nobody ever tells me anything! I'm always left out of the loop like I'm just an extra. I don't even know why I still live with you guys; I'm not getting any benefit out of it. All I ever do is get angry, whether if be from Yohji or just from being frustrated. God, I had less stress when I was killing people!"

Aya didn't know what to say. He never really knew what to say. Ken was right; he never really did grow accustomed to talking to any of them for whatever particular reason. He put a hand on Ken's shoulder and rolled him back over.

Tears cascaded down Ken's cheeks now, not just water. Ken rubbed his face roughly with an absent mind, trying not to show Aya his mushy side.

"What stresses you out?"

"...What?" Ken looked at Aya who was now kneeling next to his bed.

"I said, what is it that makes you stressed?"

A sniffle. "I don't know... a lot of things I guess."

"What kind of things?"

Sparking teal eyes made Aya frown. He wasn't exactly sure what was plaguing Ken, but he had half a mind to make it stop, right now. And, at the moment, Aya really did wish he had that time back.. even if he didn't like killing people, he also didn't like to see Ken like this. He didn't know why he cared, but he did.

"How can I make it stop?"

Ken froze.

Aya was offering help. And even though he still spoke in his unfeeling monotone voice, a hint of concern and worry laced those words. But that was still a sentence that he had never heard his leader say.

Aya squinted and studied Ken's face hard. "Hit me."

"What?!"

"I said, hit me."

Ken just blinked several times and gave a big sniffle. "Why... would you want me to do that?"

"Because it'll help take out your frustration."

The brunette raised an eyebrow and swiped his hair back with his palm. He didn't know what to say... he couldn't hit the person he cared about. Hell, he couldn't hit anyone just out of nowhere. Even if it was offered.

"Aya, I can't—"

"Do it!"

Ken squeezed his eyes closed and gave Aya a hard blow to the chin before he could give it a second thought. His fist was left extended and he panted heavily; and when he opened his eyes Aya was wincing in pain and gingerly touching where he was struck. Ken's eyes opened in horror and he couldn't believe that he had actually gone through with it. More tears streamed down Ken's face and he sobbed, he sobbed hard; and couldn't bear to look Aya in the face.

"...Ken."

He looked up to see Aya staring into his eyes sympathetically, telling him that it was alright without actually speaking. He wasn't angry, or upset, or scolding Ken. He was there to comfort him. Comfort him in every way.

He put a graceful hand on Hidaka's shoulder and rubbed it gently to try to calm the boy down. He wasn't sure if the suckerpunch he received had relaxed him at all, but it had sure put Aya in a spin. It wasn't that gentle of a hit.

"Ken?"

Ken could see the little dots his tears were making on his sheets. He shook his head and wiped his eyes, and looked deep into the depths of Abyssinian's eyes that were the truth.

Droplets of tears flew through the air as Ken flung himself towards Aya without warning and landed a kiss on his pale, warm lips.

Aya's eyes widened and his hands shook, a tiny trickle of blood falling down the corner of his mouth. He could feel Ken's hot tears hitting his face. He didn't know what to do.

"Basium dano ops redimio animus pro infinitio."