Chapter 7: "Cogitatio" (thoughts)

Yohji had never seen Ken drag his feet so much in his entire life. It was like he was in slow motion 24 hours a day, and that wasn't like his J-League friend at all. He took an hour to mop the back when it usually took him 25 minutes, and he almost never ate. That really worried Yohji, considering 'bottomless pit' was his favorite nickname for Ken.

Yohji kicked over the mop bucket Ken was using and raised and eyebrow as Ken just looked at the spill, without making any effort to clean it up. He looked over his sunglasses and raked his eyes over the brunette; he was getting a bit thinner and paler.

"God, what's with you? You have no idea how annoying it is to see you like this."

A simple shrug. Yohji snatched the mop out of his hand.

"For the past three days you've done nothing but mope and sleep. You won't talk, you won't eat, and you hardly work. And Aya is staring at you with this look like it's all his fault. What's going on?!"

He poked the solemn man with the tip of the mop.

"It's nothing."

This earned a harsh and annoyed sigh from Yohji. He hated being lied to, especially when he had a pretty good idea what was going on. He dropped the mop and looked Ken straight in the eye. He couldn't help but frown, though; all the brightness and shine had left Ken's expression, and he was just an insipid face with washed out color.

"Did you kiss Aya?"

"...what?"

"You kissed Aya didn't you? Just tell me."

Ken nodded slowly. "Aa."

Balinese barely heard a sniffle come from his friend, but immediately he was holding Ken in his arms. If there was anything Yohji could do, it was try and comfort. Ken didn't realize that Yohji had seen Aya crying too, and he knew the truth.

"You have to realize something, KenKen... Aya is different from all of us. He's not used to feeling love, or compassion, or even care for another person. I mean, he does say he cares about us sometimes. But I don't think he knows what it means. Do you understand?"

Ken nodded into Yohji's chest. These past few days Aya just looked at him with a saddened stare, like.. he didn't know how to explain. It was almost as if he was trying not to care for him.

"He cares for you, Ken."

Ken's heart stopped for a split second as he absorbed what Yohji had just said.

"I saw him crying. The night he punched you... I peeked in his door."

Aya.. cried? For him? I'm so confused...

"Excuse me Yohji... I think I need some time to myself..."

Yohji sighed as Ken pulled away from his arms and grabbed his jacket; heading out the front door quietly. He felt sorry for Ken in a way, but then he realized that it was Ken's own urges that made him do stupid things like that. But somehow, Yohji knew, everything would work out for Ken in the end.

---

Ken sat confused, staring into the sunset. Sparkles from the ocean he was sitting in front of made him squint, and he let out a deep sigh.

Aya... cried? Aya never cries, ever...

He wondered, what made someone love another person? I mean, he was sure the rest of the world didn't see Aya as a very lovable person. But he had captured Ken's heart even if he wasn't the perfect person. And most of all, there was something about Aya that made him really smile. So what if Abyssinian was a cold person? Aya was the one who made him feel warm on the inside.

"It seems we both come to the same spot to think."

Ken whipped around to see the article of all his sorrows standing in front of him. He got angry, scared, and a little upset all at once.

Aya walked past Ken and sat a yard in front of him, the water from the sea splashing at his feet. They both let out a deep sigh, but made no move to try and talk to one another. Ken just let his eyes burn into the back of Aya's head, maybe hoping that if he stared long enough he might see the gorgeous face on the other side. He stared for a good 10 minutes in complete silence.

"I have a feeling our thoughts are interlaced."

Ken shook his head out of his stupor and took in Aya's sentence slowly.

"You think so?"

"..I know so."

Even with that comment, Aya didn't seem to have a desire to look back at his pitiful friend. Every day KenKen was growing more and more certain that Aya was far out of his reach. He frowned at the crimson hair before him.

Ken began to throw little rocks he found in the sand. One to the left, one to the right, one to the left... he couldn't just sit in silence. That was part of Ken's personality. He wished he could just talk to Aya, lift him from this boredom. Or maybe not, since the person sitting before him was what drew Ken to this place anyway. He had come here to think, but he couldn't seem to do that anymore with the person he was fantasizing about resting in the same sand.

"I can't figure out what makes me want to do it."

Ken stopped. Now he was curious.

"Makes you want to do what, Aya?"

"I can't figure out what makes me want to kiss you all the time."

Siberian blinked, several times. What had he just said? The object of all of his love and lust just admitted to wanting to kiss him? Ken could feel the sweat beading down his bronze face. What was he supposed to say to something like that?

"Well... I... I don't know either."

For someone who was trying to be suave about his answer, Ken did a horrible job.

"I mean... I don't understand it. Every day I look at you and I just want to kiss you so bad. I get so jealous and paranoid when Yohji is all over you. I don't know what it is."

Ken was dumbfounded. His jaw hung open in shock. Am I hearing what I'm hearing? Aya was speaking about it like it was an everyday subject. 'Hi, how are you? How come I want to kiss you?' There was still no emotion, nor feeling in the words that Aya spoke.

Ken thought deeply. Aya had a weird feeling? And he wanted to kiss me?

He couldn't help himself.

"Aya... do you love me?"

"Basium dano ops redimio animus pro infinitio."