TITLE: Losing Grace

DISCLAIMER: Nightworld concepts belong to LJ Smith. Characters belong to me…ask if in the unlikely event that any take your fancy and you want to use them. SUMMARY: "…Joseph would never use her like he had used other girls. He had never fed from her and never would unless she let him. Harri's name entered her mind unbidden; Harri was with her soulmate right now. Harri who's innocent smile made Gracie want to slash the girl's throat with a nice sharp and pointy kitchen knife…."

Gracie Bismarck always knew that her relationship with her soulmate Joseph Hannah wouldn't be easy, but she never expected so many humans to get in her way.

WARNING: As you may have noticed from Chapter VI I like to use all of my English vocabulary…unfortunately this means that some words classified as 'swear,' words are used, simply because I'm not a saint and don't have the literary skill to imply that a character has used these words without actually stating what they are…sorry if this offends anyone.

Miss You Love is by Silverchair…and happens to be Joseph Hannah's theme song.

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Terriah: Thanks heaps for the review.

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CHAPTER XII

Gracie thought about her stepbrother's weird behaviour. Didn't he know how much he was supporting her by staying at the centre? He had just glared at her before. Peter Haywood was normally very easy-going, and she wanted to know what had happened. Besides it would keep her mind off of him. Oh she knew that she was being slightly selfish, but she was doing it in a caring way, besides Phyllis would be distraught if anything happened to her son.

Pete had been asking questions about Ari and Rosie, maybe he didn't trust them…

Gracie wanted to pace, but she thought about the two bodyguards that were assigned to her. Oh, they were sure to say something to Boss Cedars and back into the padded cell she would go. Gracie thought bitterly of the elder vampiric woman.

Peter still filled her mind; maybe she could tell him to go home…no she didn't think that was a good idea.

She sighed; all she wanted was peace and the CD centre was not the place where peace thrived. It always had the sense of combat. Whenever she was here, it felt like a place that was on the brink of violence. She supposed it was, after all, over a hundred agents were quartered in the complex, and it was more like an army barracks than a place she would ever seek refuge.

Gracie closed her eyes. There were a million things she could do…homework, practise some spells, watch television. The list when on but once again her stubborn soulmate filled her mind.

She knew that it was confusing. She was confused. She did love him. His cool blue eyes filled her mind and she wanted to cry because of what she had seen in them. Gracie swallowed, shaking her head trying to banish the thoughts that threatened to dissolve her resolve.

Her mind fled back to this morning when she couldn't feel him anymore, when the link had mysteriously disappeared and when she had found herself in her father's car with the purpose of finding him and hurting him. She had hurt him, his anguish when she told him it was over was proof enough of that, but it didn't make her happy. Gracie closed her eyes, begging herself to forget about these things.

Joseph had said that he did not block the link, but then what was it that had caused it. What had caused the soulmate link between them to be suspended for a few minutes?

No possibility that Gracie could think of sounded plausible. Circle Daybreak would know if anything major had occurred within the nightworld. If a massive amount of magick had been used Circle Daybreak would know. Gracie knew that if someone or something used that amount of magick that there would be repercussions that could very well affect soulmate links. Still, it was highly unlikely that something like that could occur.

Gracie glanced at the clock; the hour hand seemed to be moving so slowly. Gracie got up, no longer content with sitting around like a slug. She knew she needed to do something…anything. She pondered going to the CD centre's library. She knew that CD had done tonnes of research on the soulmate principle but she doubted that anything important or helpful would be in her local centres meagre library. The books she wanted to look at would probably be in Las Vegas and that was a world away.

Gracie sighed, deciding to try, after all it beat sitting in a rec room all alone feeling sorry for herself.

Joseph wandered through the park. He was amazed at all the people walking their dogs after dark. The sun had set an hour ago, and the darkness of the night had fully descended. He felt the coolness of the night wash over him, but he didn't feel uncomfortable. He smiled sadly, watching a girl and her puppy jog around the circuit. The blonde flowing hair of the girl was tied up in a ponytail, and the girl looked to be about nineteen. She could have been older or younger, but Joseph didn't really care. She was perfect for her purpose.

Absently he wondered why a girl would be out alone at night, but it wasn't late so he supposed it wasn't too odd. But still, nighttime had never been a particularly safe time for young woman to be out.

Silently he followed her, his broad steps keeping up with her. He wasn't really dressed that well for jogging but that didn't matter. They passed and alcove of gums, and Joseph smiled. Not too far now.

The girl looked over her shoulder. She had noticed her unwanted stalker. Joseph winked at her, before speeding up and grabbing her by the waist. The girl struggled, but Joseph knew that she would be no match for his vampiric strength. A brick wall fence sheltered the brick wall of the public toilet block, and Joseph held the girl up beside that. Pressing his body against hers, positioning himself so she couldn't move. The girl's puppy yipped and barked at him but Joseph silenced it with a mental command, and the dog was swiftly sent to sleep. A hand was clamped against the girl's mouth. The only sounds she emitted were muted and garbled screams, not loud enough for anyone to hear.

"Shh," Joseph whispered, gracing her with a fully fanged smile.

The girl continued to violently struggle. "It won't hurt, I promise." Joseph leant into the girls neck and moisten the spot of skin above the jugular. Goosebumps spread across the girls skin, and Joseph sunk his teeth into the girl's soft warm flesh and drank.

The crimson liquid filled his mouth, and he couldn't remember a time when blood tasted so good. The girl's mind flared up beside his and he shielded it, not prying into the mind that he had so carefully hunted. He had had enough of mind-to-mind contact. The girl when limp in his arms and he removed the hand that had covered her mouth. He licked the piece of skin again, his saliva healing the two teeth marks that marred the creamy skin of the girl's neck. Saltiness filled his taste buds and he let the girl slump by the wall and placed the sleeping pup beside her. He sent a thought out to her, and erased the memory of what had happened.

Joseph walked away. He hadn't done that in three months. He hadn't hunted since he had found Gracie. Gracie was right. He could have his old life back. He could hunt and he could do all the things he had once done. The plans with Harri next Sunday were proof of that. Still he didn't feel happy. He felt alone, and the buzzing was still there, that damned link. It was reproaching him, but he knew that Gracie wasn't the one doing it. It was himself.

He laughed bitterly. He was reproaching himself because of the stupid soulmate connection.

He walked to his car. The black beast waited for him. He sped off. Not quite believing what he had done. The radio warbled out a song he had not heard in years.

Millionaire say
Got a big shot deal
And thrown it all away but
But I'm not too sure how I'm supposed to feel
Or what I'm supposed to say but

The girl's blood…it had tasted so pure. It was like he was learning how to breath again. The way it had flowed so gently into his mouth and slid down his throat. It was warm, and full of promise. Promises of power, promises of fear,and promises of life.

I'm not, not sure
Not too sure how it feels
To handle every day
And I miss you love

Promises broken. Promises like his promises to Gracie. Joseph sighed; this was not good. He knew that deep inside of him he wanted to be with Gracie. Needed to share his life with her, but she had rejected him, refused him. He knew that he wasn't perfect would never be perfect. What had she said? 'You can go back to your old world…' he was back in his old world. He had stepped back into the world tonight with that blonde girl's blood.

Make room for the prey
Cause I'm coming in
With what I wanna say but
It's gonna hurt
And I love the pain
A breeding ground for hate but

He had stood at the threshold when he rang Harri the other night to organise something for tomorrow. Stood at threshold and now he had walked through, and he would continue to walk though. He wanted to turn around, Joseph knew he needed to turn around, but it was too late. He didn't know how he could turn around.

I'm not, not sure
Not too sure how it feels
To handle every day
Like the one that just passed
In the crowds of all the people

He couldn't forget what he had been brought up with…or not brought up with as the case had been. His mother was rarely there, a nymph that fluttered in and out of the house. His father…a tough hand that punished with out distinction. Then one day there was no mother, only a father. A father who taught him how to lure young girls in to his false arms, young girls that nobody would miss. The types of girls that nobody but a few seemed to care about, so trusting, so insecure, and with such deliciously tantalising crimson blood. The girls who courted the dangerous nightlife, and dwelled in the shadows of respectable society, girls that brought it all on themselves. That was what his father had taught him.

Remember today
I've no respect for you
And I miss you love

Then there had been no father; mother and father alike had abandoned him. They had taught him how he should survive and left. He continued to go to school, the meddling humans around him saw to that, and no nightworlder sought to intervene. He turned up in the morning only to leave soon after; it was a wonder that the school authorities weren't aware of his home situation. Then there was Gracie. Grace Bismarck. A witch who had friends both nightworld and human, even had a human stepbrother. Oh he had looked down on her contemptuously. So much so he began to bully her. After all she was a stupid daybreaker witch, a traitor to the nightworld. Then one day it all changed.

I love the way you love
But I hate the way
I'm supposed to love you back
It's just a fad
Part of the... teen... teenage angst brigade and

He turned the corner. It all changed and he was launched into a grey slate world. A world he couldn't escape and only half-heartedly tried to. The stupid daybreaker witch was his soulmate. He should have been relieved on some level. She was a nightworlder, a witch with mahogany hair and cool grey eyes. Grey eyes that he had made cry too many times. She had been surprised, scared and overall happy that she had found him. She didn't seem to care about who he was, and she was no longer afraid of him. She accepted him, but then she found out about his past.

I'm not, not sure
Not too sure how it feels
To handle every day
Like the one that just passed
In the crowds of all the people

The house was dimly lit; he stared at it for a while. The curtains had been pulled closed. He knew she wasn't there. She was still at the CD centre; he couldn't feel her presence inside the house. She found out about his childhood, and that was when the pity began. Pity for what he was, he was a creature of the night that had never known even the briefest flash of true happiness. And she pitied that. She wanted to show him that he could be happy; he could be good, that he no longer had to live in a world where fear was power.

Remember today
I've no respect for you
And I miss you love

Wants where much easier to imagine than to do…the blood from the girl had refreshed him, but it wasn't what he truly wanted. He couldn't have what he wanted. It wasn't possible. Joseph sighed, closing his eyes and resting his head against the steering wheel. He loved her, yes. But her hated her at the same time. Hated her so much for being pure, being perfect. He hated her for knowing what good was. He hated her for being his soulmate.

I love the way you love
But I hate the way
I'm supposed to love you back

Ari Lindsay felt warm, which he concluded wasn't at all strange seeing as he was wrapped up in a big grey itchy blanket. What was strange though was that he couldn't remember how he ended up wrapped in a big grey itchy blanket. He remembered Rosie arguing with him and then nothing. Ari tried to move, not liking the memories of last night. He soon realised he couldn't, his arms were beside him, and the big grey itchy blanket was literally wrapped around him so he was bound. He resembled a sausage roll, except he was Ari, not a sausage.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Rosie's voice penetrated the air, and Ari would have jumped had he been standing up.

"Tell you what Rosie? Where the fuck are we?" He had no clue as to where they were located.

"Tell me that you'd found your soulmate? I think as your partner I have a right to know. I mean that would have explained to me why you didn't want to go back." Rosie's anger threaded itself through her voice like a cold and deadly serpent.

"It's not something I want people to know," Ari's voice was cold; he did not like being the vulnerable one in this situation.

"I'm not just anyone Ari," Rosie appeared in his sight, her unearthly presence intimidated him more, Ari had a sudden pang of empathy for all the hostiles they had taken in before. "Goddess, why is every one turning against me?" the last words were whispers of frustration.

"Look Rosie, you're my ex-partner. Telling you wouldn't change anything. I'm still leaving. I can't face Gracie," his golden eyes burned. He was drained, and he wanted to vanish. Disappear and never return, but Rosie wasn't going to let that happen, was she?

"Do you think that's what Gracie wants?" Rosie couldn't believe this. She had always thought Ari was better than this…stronger than this.

Ari continued to glare. He wanted to be free of this, to be free of her, to be free of all them, Rosie, Gracie, and most of all Harriet Miller. "I tried giving her what she wanted Rosie, and you know what I got. I got a selfish, callous soulmate in return. I got Harriet Miller as my soulmate. I try to do something for the girl I love, and I get a soulmate."

Rosie shook her head sullenly at the boy she once considered her closest friend. His rambling words hurt her. She couldn't take it anymore. First Pete was accusing her of being elitist, now Ari wanted to abandon everything he worked for. He wanted to abandon his friends, his work; he wanted to abandon Gracie, and all because the fates had thrown him a curveball. "Fuck you Ari." She was half disgusted with him. "I understand why you don't want people to know that Harriet Miller is your soulmate, but you can't just up and leave."

Ari was startled at her words. "It's not like me leaving is a new development or anything. Rosie I was going to leave anyway. If I had succeeded in killing Harri, I wouldn't be allowed back. You know that. CD doesn't allow us to kill humans, but Harri is not human. She's an empty shell, and I'm connected to her."

Rosie was so tempted to slap Ari across the face. She had had way too much for this twenty-four hours. "You don't deserve her."

Ari closed his eyes, wishing to be unconscious again. That way he could get some peace.

Rosie stared at him. He really wasn't the shapeshifter she thought he was. "If you did you wouldn't be afraid to tell her how you feel," He was a coward. He couldn't even face Gracie and tell her how he felt. He would always hide behind the smokescreen of friendship, and now he had two barriers in the way. He could use Joseph as an excuse all he wanted, and now he had his own. He had Harriet Miller as another excuse of why he would never face up to his feelings. "She would understand. God, do you think she likes having that ungrateful bastard Hannah for a soulmate?" Rosie shook her head. She was truly disgusted with the 'shifter before her. They had been friends, partners, worked together for a common purpose. She had seen him be brave, seen him fight for a cause he believed in, but that Ari was not the Ari that was before her now. She turned on her heel and left.

Ari swore. He was still wrapped up in the big grey itchy blanket.

Harri couldn't sleep. Guilt had decided to make its presence known in her psyche. She had said yes. Of all the stupid things to do, she had said "yeah sure."

"Yeah, sure. My ass," she muttered in to her pillow. She didn't know why guilt, if that was what it was called had made itself known. She had lived a life in absence of it. Oh, there were other emotions that had filled her life akin to guilt, but guilt had never catapulted in to her heart and mind until now.

Harri was going to see Joseph on Sunday. As soon as he had hung up, Harri knew she had done the wrong thing. He and Gracie weren't together anymore, but something was making her feel like she was cheating on Ari. Harri shook her head. No, they were ignoring it. Ignoring that blasted thing that flitted between them…

She didn't understand it. Surely if there was such a thing, then she would have heard of it. It couldn't just be confined to nightworlders. After all it had happened to her, and she was human. Ari's burning golden eyes made their way into her mind. They were so demanding and they held so much hate in them. But only when they looked at her, when they looked on Gracie there was so much longing and love in them. Harri shook her head. She was being stupid. She didn't care about Ari. She hardly knew him.

I should tell him I changed my mind, she thought. Yes, that was the solution. Tell Joseph that she couldn't meet him.

Harri turned again, twisting her bedding around her. She hadn't felt right since Ari had left. Even then she had felt…wrong. She had never felt so imperfect in her life. Harri breathed in deeply, willing herself to sleep. Sleep was the closest thing to oblivion she was going to get.