An Extremely Strange Parody Of Several Horror Stories
For an unspecified but, I'm sure, completely unlikely and implausible reason, Will Turner and Elizabeth had decided to throw a Halloween party. On the front lawn of a haunted house. Opposite a cemetery. Where there have been several previous serial killings, horrible accidents etc, which all just happen to have their hundredth anniversary on that very night.
Like I said, their reason for this is probably completely implausible.
Oh, and did I mention the Ouija board? And the fact that they would be playing truth or dare?
"So, who did you invite?" asked Will in between blowing up orange balloons and drawing on scary faces. Or, at least, they were meant to be scary.
"Oh, I don't know. Everyone. Will, I thought I told you to make them scary."
"I did."
"He looks like he's stoned. Or asleep."
"He's grimacing evilly. Look!" Will held up the balloon and twisted his face into the corresponding expression.
"Fine, fine, if you say so." Elizabeth finished poking cocktail sticks through the sausages and finished blowing up the balloons. "Oh, no, someone's here already!" She dropped the streamers she was holding and ran over to the gate that Will had built.
"Hello," said the Commodore, stepping through the gate.
"Oh, hi, so glad you could come," said Elizabeth. Will grabbed her and pulled her aside.
"Why the hell did you invite him?" he hissed as the Commodore examined the finger-food.
"Why shouldn't I?" asked Elizabeth.
"Because, he wanted to execute Jack, because he hates me, because he's your ex-fiancé..." Will trailed off.
"And?" asked Elizabeth.
"You need more reasons?" asked Will incredulously.
Elizabeth planted her hands on her hips. "Well, I did invite him, and I'm not going to just tell him to go away again, so get over it!" She stomped off to talk to the Commodore.
"Hey, mate, how's it going?" asked Jack.
"Where'd you come from?" asked Will.
"Through the gate, mate. Where else?" asked Jack. "Oh, I brought you a gift!" He presented Will with a bottle of rum.
"Oh, er, thanks."
"Hey," said Trinity and Neo.
"Hey. Who are you?" asked Will.
"Oh, Jack invited us."
"Hey guys!" Jack said enthusiastically.
"How do you know each other?"
"Oh, we met in a bar."
Will nodded. That made sense.
"Hi," said Gimli, who was looking remarkably clean-shaven.
"Wow, where's your beard? Your chin's completely bald!" said Elizabeth.
"I know," said Gimli through gritted teeth.
"Why so pissed off?" asked Will.
"It's not voluntary," said Gimli.
"Hey, who else is coming?" asked Jack.
"Don't know. Elizabeth!"
Elizabeth turned round. "What?"
"Who else is coming?"
"Oh.....er......a couple of my friends from Middle Earth, some Agent Smiths- "
"Agent Smiths?" said Neo nervously.
"Yeah. And my dad."
"No......" moaned Will.
"What's wrong with my dad?" asked Elizabeth.
"He calls me 'Blacky Boy'," said Will.
"What? It's a term of endearment," protested Elizabeth. "He likes you really."
"Enough to hide my inhaler, then laugh and say that it was just a joke after I'd fainted from lack of oxygen?" said Will sarcastically.
"Well, Daddy has a funny sense of humour. I mean, it was kind of funny that time that he took out a full-page ad in the newspaper saying that I was only marrying you because I felt sorry for you because you were a eunuch," said Elizabeth.
"He did what?" shrieked Will.
"Oh.....you didn't know about that?" asked Elizabeth sheepishly. "Oooops."
"That bastard!"
"Will, darling..." said Elizabeth quietly.
"No, really. The man is twisted. And he always wears that stupid, stupid wig, and those awful floral waistcoats, and he's such a.....he's right behind me, isn't he?" said Will painfully.
"Hello," said Governor Swann, complete with icy glare.
"Governor! I was only.....err...I was only....." stuttered Will.
"Save it, Blacky Boy. Commodore! How are you?"
"Fine, thank you," said the Commodore. Suddenly the phone rang.
For an unspecified but, I'm sure, completely unlikely and implausible reason, Will Turner and Elizabeth had decided to throw a Halloween party. On the front lawn of a haunted house. Opposite a cemetery. Where there have been several previous serial killings, horrible accidents etc, which all just happen to have their hundredth anniversary on that very night.
Like I said, their reason for this is probably completely implausible.
Oh, and did I mention the Ouija board? And the fact that they would be playing truth or dare?
"So, who did you invite?" asked Will in between blowing up orange balloons and drawing on scary faces. Or, at least, they were meant to be scary.
"Oh, I don't know. Everyone. Will, I thought I told you to make them scary."
"I did."
"He looks like he's stoned. Or asleep."
"He's grimacing evilly. Look!" Will held up the balloon and twisted his face into the corresponding expression.
"Fine, fine, if you say so." Elizabeth finished poking cocktail sticks through the sausages and finished blowing up the balloons. "Oh, no, someone's here already!" She dropped the streamers she was holding and ran over to the gate that Will had built.
"Hello," said the Commodore, stepping through the gate.
"Oh, hi, so glad you could come," said Elizabeth. Will grabbed her and pulled her aside.
"Why the hell did you invite him?" he hissed as the Commodore examined the finger-food.
"Why shouldn't I?" asked Elizabeth.
"Because, he wanted to execute Jack, because he hates me, because he's your ex-fiancé..." Will trailed off.
"And?" asked Elizabeth.
"You need more reasons?" asked Will incredulously.
Elizabeth planted her hands on her hips. "Well, I did invite him, and I'm not going to just tell him to go away again, so get over it!" She stomped off to talk to the Commodore.
"Hey, mate, how's it going?" asked Jack.
"Where'd you come from?" asked Will.
"Through the gate, mate. Where else?" asked Jack. "Oh, I brought you a gift!" He presented Will with a bottle of rum.
"Oh, er, thanks."
"Hey," said Trinity and Neo.
"Hey. Who are you?" asked Will.
"Oh, Jack invited us."
"Hey guys!" Jack said enthusiastically.
"How do you know each other?"
"Oh, we met in a bar."
Will nodded. That made sense.
"Hi," said Gimli, who was looking remarkably clean-shaven.
"Wow, where's your beard? Your chin's completely bald!" said Elizabeth.
"I know," said Gimli through gritted teeth.
"Why so pissed off?" asked Will.
"It's not voluntary," said Gimli.
"Hey, who else is coming?" asked Jack.
"Don't know. Elizabeth!"
Elizabeth turned round. "What?"
"Who else is coming?"
"Oh.....er......a couple of my friends from Middle Earth, some Agent Smiths- "
"Agent Smiths?" said Neo nervously.
"Yeah. And my dad."
"No......" moaned Will.
"What's wrong with my dad?" asked Elizabeth.
"He calls me 'Blacky Boy'," said Will.
"What? It's a term of endearment," protested Elizabeth. "He likes you really."
"Enough to hide my inhaler, then laugh and say that it was just a joke after I'd fainted from lack of oxygen?" said Will sarcastically.
"Well, Daddy has a funny sense of humour. I mean, it was kind of funny that time that he took out a full-page ad in the newspaper saying that I was only marrying you because I felt sorry for you because you were a eunuch," said Elizabeth.
"He did what?" shrieked Will.
"Oh.....you didn't know about that?" asked Elizabeth sheepishly. "Oooops."
"That bastard!"
"Will, darling..." said Elizabeth quietly.
"No, really. The man is twisted. And he always wears that stupid, stupid wig, and those awful floral waistcoats, and he's such a.....he's right behind me, isn't he?" said Will painfully.
"Hello," said Governor Swann, complete with icy glare.
"Governor! I was only.....err...I was only....." stuttered Will.
"Save it, Blacky Boy. Commodore! How are you?"
"Fine, thank you," said the Commodore. Suddenly the phone rang.