"I'll get it!" said Elizabeth cheerily. "Hello?"
"What's your favourite scary movie?" said a crackly voice down the phone.
"Oh, I don't know-Jeepers Creepers had Justin Long in, which is always a bonus, but then Nightmare on Elm Street was really, really scary, but then again, Psycho was good-"
"No, no, I don't think you quite get this," said the voice. "You're meant to scream and panic."
"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know that," said Elizabeth.
"All right, I'm going to hang up, then call you back, then you can try again," said the voice patiently. "OK?"
"Yeah. Bye." Elizabeth put the phone down. Seconds later it rang again.
"Hello?" she chirped down the phone.
"What's your favourite scary movie?" said the voice again.
There was a silence.
"Hello?" repeated Elizabeth.
There was a sigh at the other end of the line. "What did we just talk about?"
"Oh, sorry, I forgot. Shall I try again?"
"Yes, you do that. And get it right this time. Scream."
"OK." She hung up again. The phone started to ring.
"Hello?"
"What's your favourite scary movie?"
"Well, I've thought about it, and my favourite scary movie is definitely Scream!" said Elizabeth brightly.
"No!" screamed the voice exasperatedly. "You're meant to actually scream, not to choose it as your favourite movie!"
"Oh, I'm sorry!" yelped Elizabeth. "Give me one more chance!"
The voice sighed impatiently. "OK. From the top."
Elizabeth hung up. Once again the phone began to ring.
"Hello?"
"What's your favourite scary movie?" said the voice, before hissing "And you'd better bloody scream this time!"
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" screamed Elizabeth.
"That's better," praised the voice, before remembering the reason why he was phoning. "Right, now ask who I am."
"Who am I?"
"No, me! You want to ask who I am."
"What?"
"Say 'Who are you?'" said the voice slowly.
"I'm Elizabeth," said Elizabeth.
"No! Say 'Who are you?' Those exact words."
"Who are you?" asked Elizabeth obediently.
"Guess."
"Dad? Mr Gibbs? The guy with the talking parrot?"
"No, you're not supposed to actually guess! You're meant to ask where I am!" said the voice.
"Oh. Where are you?"
"Look in the front room."
"OK." Elizabeth hung up, put the phone down and started walking towards the house. Suddenly the phone rang again.
"Hello?"
"You're meant to take the phone with you, dumbass."
"Oh, I'm sorry." She hung up again, tucked the phone into her pocket and headed towards the house again, before the phone started to ring again.
"Hello?"
"You're also meant to stay on the line."
"Oh. Why?"
"For dramatic effect."
"Oh. OK." She slowly made her way towards the house, still clutching the phone to her ear.
"Do you have a boyfriend?" asked the voice.
"Yeah. His name's Will, he's the best-"
"No, you're not meant to tell me his name! I'm meant to tell you what his name is later, to scare you by the depth of my knowledge!"
"Oh. Sorry."
"All right, now let's try again. Do you have a boyfriend?"
"Yeah."
"Is his name Will?"
There was another silence.
"Now you're meant to freak out because you don't know how I know your boyfriend's name."
"Oh. But I just told you what his name was."
"Just pretend you didn't tell me, and that I managed to find out all by myself."
"Oh. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!" screamed Elizabeth.
"Very good. Much better. Now ask how I know that."
"How do you know that?"
"Look in the front room."
"Why?"
"Just do it! Your boyfriend's in there." Elizabeth peered through the glass nervously. Jack had both his feet tied to the radiator and was working his way through a bottle of rum. Upon seeing Elizabeth, he waved cheerfully, before returning to the rum.
"That's not my boyfriend."
"It isn't? Oh, dammit!" said the voice, abandoning all attempts at sounding mysterious, before hanging up.
"Oh well," said Elizabeth to herself, putting the phone back in the cradle.
"Who was it?" asked Will, taking a bite out of a gingerbread witch.
"I dunno," said Elizabeth, before heading over to the food table.
"What's your favourite scary movie?" said a crackly voice down the phone.
"Oh, I don't know-Jeepers Creepers had Justin Long in, which is always a bonus, but then Nightmare on Elm Street was really, really scary, but then again, Psycho was good-"
"No, no, I don't think you quite get this," said the voice. "You're meant to scream and panic."
"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know that," said Elizabeth.
"All right, I'm going to hang up, then call you back, then you can try again," said the voice patiently. "OK?"
"Yeah. Bye." Elizabeth put the phone down. Seconds later it rang again.
"Hello?" she chirped down the phone.
"What's your favourite scary movie?" said the voice again.
There was a silence.
"Hello?" repeated Elizabeth.
There was a sigh at the other end of the line. "What did we just talk about?"
"Oh, sorry, I forgot. Shall I try again?"
"Yes, you do that. And get it right this time. Scream."
"OK." She hung up again. The phone started to ring.
"Hello?"
"What's your favourite scary movie?"
"Well, I've thought about it, and my favourite scary movie is definitely Scream!" said Elizabeth brightly.
"No!" screamed the voice exasperatedly. "You're meant to actually scream, not to choose it as your favourite movie!"
"Oh, I'm sorry!" yelped Elizabeth. "Give me one more chance!"
The voice sighed impatiently. "OK. From the top."
Elizabeth hung up. Once again the phone began to ring.
"Hello?"
"What's your favourite scary movie?" said the voice, before hissing "And you'd better bloody scream this time!"
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" screamed Elizabeth.
"That's better," praised the voice, before remembering the reason why he was phoning. "Right, now ask who I am."
"Who am I?"
"No, me! You want to ask who I am."
"What?"
"Say 'Who are you?'" said the voice slowly.
"I'm Elizabeth," said Elizabeth.
"No! Say 'Who are you?' Those exact words."
"Who are you?" asked Elizabeth obediently.
"Guess."
"Dad? Mr Gibbs? The guy with the talking parrot?"
"No, you're not supposed to actually guess! You're meant to ask where I am!" said the voice.
"Oh. Where are you?"
"Look in the front room."
"OK." Elizabeth hung up, put the phone down and started walking towards the house. Suddenly the phone rang again.
"Hello?"
"You're meant to take the phone with you, dumbass."
"Oh, I'm sorry." She hung up again, tucked the phone into her pocket and headed towards the house again, before the phone started to ring again.
"Hello?"
"You're also meant to stay on the line."
"Oh. Why?"
"For dramatic effect."
"Oh. OK." She slowly made her way towards the house, still clutching the phone to her ear.
"Do you have a boyfriend?" asked the voice.
"Yeah. His name's Will, he's the best-"
"No, you're not meant to tell me his name! I'm meant to tell you what his name is later, to scare you by the depth of my knowledge!"
"Oh. Sorry."
"All right, now let's try again. Do you have a boyfriend?"
"Yeah."
"Is his name Will?"
There was another silence.
"Now you're meant to freak out because you don't know how I know your boyfriend's name."
"Oh. But I just told you what his name was."
"Just pretend you didn't tell me, and that I managed to find out all by myself."
"Oh. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!" screamed Elizabeth.
"Very good. Much better. Now ask how I know that."
"How do you know that?"
"Look in the front room."
"Why?"
"Just do it! Your boyfriend's in there." Elizabeth peered through the glass nervously. Jack had both his feet tied to the radiator and was working his way through a bottle of rum. Upon seeing Elizabeth, he waved cheerfully, before returning to the rum.
"That's not my boyfriend."
"It isn't? Oh, dammit!" said the voice, abandoning all attempts at sounding mysterious, before hanging up.
"Oh well," said Elizabeth to herself, putting the phone back in the cradle.
"Who was it?" asked Will, taking a bite out of a gingerbread witch.
"I dunno," said Elizabeth, before heading over to the food table.