**Broken Me**
Miranda had nightmares that night that had nothing to do with her sight. Memories of her childhood in the Carver home fell upon her like a great weight. All the words she had heard so many times echoed in her again: Worthless, useless, stupid, good-for-nothing brat. She squirmed and moaned as she remembered the drunken rage that had been unleashed on her more times than she could remember. But then she saw the worst day of her life. She had been tossed away on the steps of the boarding school that she would always remember as St. Mary's Prison. The memory was suffocating, and her heart raced with panic. She wanted to run to the pond and talk to Gandalf, but there was no pond. She suddenly found herself standing alone in a vast field under a gray sky.
She was cold and she hugged herself and called out, "Hello!"
Silence. She looked around, and the terrain reminded her of Rohan. She called again, "Anyone?"
She started walking and quickly the terrain changed and she recognized the forest of Rivendell. "Hello? Anyone?"
Silence. She ran, searching for any sign of life in the land she had traveled for months. Nothing, no one, nowhere.
"Oh, god," she gasped. "I'm alone…"
Miranda woke suddenly and tried to calm her racing heart rate. Dreams like that were horrible! It was too real to be brushed aside, and Miranda realized that for the first time since she came here, she was alone. She felt broken, lost, afraid, and caged. She needed to get outside and breathe fresh air. No pond, but a garden at least could ease her anxiety.
She rose to dress before Izabel came with breakfast. Aragorn and the Vanguard had only left yesterday but she felt lonely and dejected. She closed her eyes and thought of the fellowship she had grown so close to over the past months. Sam and Frodo were hidden in the shadows of Mordor, making their escape from a group of orcs that foolishly did not know the value of their find. Aragorn was looking at some once proud city of Gondor that now stood desolate and foul. His men burned the fields and collapsed the bridge and then set guards up in the woods around some crossroads.
Miranda opened her eyes and sighed. She felt like some castaway on an island, alone and forgotten. She finished dressing in a dark blue gown that seemed a little less flashy than the other two she had been given. She brushed out her hair and quickly braided it, tying it with a bit of leather string. She silently slipped out of her room and went to the garden but the door was locked. She frowned and turned back the way she had come. She didn't want to return to her room, and she didn't want to run into Ioreth or Izabel, or Ẻowyn either. Faced with no options, she decided to explore the other hallways.
She walked past Lord Faramir's room and headed around the corner to a large room with a great fireplace and several long tables. She could see a few servants at the far end of the room, and Izabel was loading a tray.
Miranda turned on her heels and went back to the garden door. She'd had enough, she needed to get out. She tried the latch again, shaking it for good measure and then threw herself against the door.
"My lady," Lord Faramir said as he came down the hall to investigate the noise. "What are you doing?"
Miranda wouldn't turn to face him; she just leaned her head against the door and softly said, "I need to get out."
Faramir thought the woman before him seemed so small and frail, not at all the valiant Seer he was told about. There was desperation in her voice that broke his heart. "It is still early, and cold," Faramir said quietly. "The door is locked at night now for the Nazgul have been seen over the city." He walked over to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Come to the hall and have some breakfast. You can walk in the garden later."
Miranda said nothing, but turned and walked with Lord Faramir back to the great hall. He watched her closely but did not try to start a conversation. When they were seated, and the meal was served he finally spoke.
"What has happened to you, my lady?" Faramir asked.
Miranda looked at him with a cocked brow and said, "What do you mean?"
"Your maid has said that you are sick in heart," he said. "I can see in your eyes that it is true."
"Izabel takes passing comments too seriously," Miranda said lightly. "I am merely a little lonely, and being locked up has made me restless."
"It was more than mere restlessness that made you struggle with that door," Faramir said with a cocked brow. "You were desperate."
Miranda took a bite and hoped he would let it go but he pressed her.
"I would ease your sorrow if I could," he said softly.
Miranda looked at him and his eyes reminded her of Boromir's, discerning but kind. She knew that he meant well, but she didn't know what to say. "I am lost," Miranda said finally.
"How are you lost?" Faramir asked.
"I lived most of my life far from here, alone and unwanted. Now I find myself in a place I know nothing about. Gandalf tells me that Middle Earth is my real home, but there is nothing for me here. I do not belong here."
"What of your betrothed?" Faramir asked.
"I was wrong to accept. He should not have to give up his way of life for me," Miranda said. "I should never have let it happen."
"You should never have let him love you?" Faramir asked in surprise, trying not to laugh. "It is naïve of you to think that you could stop it."
Miranda scowled at him and he lost control and laughed.
"You laugh at me sir," Miranda said in annoyance. "How very noble," she added sarcastically.
Faramir burst into laughter again and wiped a tear from his eye. "Yes, I am laughing," he said as he caught his breath. "You seem to think that the choice was yours, but it was not. Elves are not like men."
"That is one thing I know all too well," Miranda said.
"I don't think you do, my lady," Faramir said thoughtfully. "Do you not love him?"
Miranda looked at Faramir's face and all hint of laughter had fled. He looked at her expectantly and she knew he could tell if she lied. He had called her bluff and her brave words were suddenly meaningless. "I love him," she admitted. "There are no words to describe ho much," she added softly as she looked down at the table.
"Then you do belong here," Faramir said firmly. "In any case, you should not feel alone in this house. It was my understanding that you and Lady Ẻowyn were friends; why not keep each other company?"
"I do not think it would be a good idea," Miranda said. "She and I are both struggling with our own sorrows. We do not need to share them." Besides, Miranda wasn't ready for any more lectures on family ties.
Faramir nodded at that. He was aware of Ẻowyn's sorrow. "Then visit with the young Perian Squire Merry," Faramir suggested. "I was told that you had traveled together from Rivendell."
Miranda smiled at the memory. "Yes," she said. "Mr. Brandybuck is my friend."
Faramir was relieved by the sight of a smile on her face. "Good," he said in triumph. "I'm sure he'd like to walk in the sunshine as well. After breakfast I'll send him out to the garden."
Miranda nodded and finished her breakfast in silence. She didn't like sharing so much information but Lord Faramir had a way of drawing out the answers he wanted. This was all Izabel's fault.
*****
Merry was still sore, but he was feeling stronger every day. He missed having Pip around and it was lonely just lying in bed, tired or not. He rose and dressed, and about the time he'd finished breakfast, Lord Faramir stopped in for a visit.
"Good morning, Master Perian," Faramir said.
"Good morning," Merry said. He'd gotten used to the strange title these men of Gondor called Hobbits. It was a name from their legends, and a hard habit for them to break.
"I thought you might like to visit with a friend in the garden," Faramir said.
"I'd love to," Merry said. "Who is it?"
"Lady Miranda," Faramir said, and then watched closely to see what Merry's reaction would be.
"Oh, Miranda!" he said with a bright smile. "And here I thought that all my friends had gone."
"No she is here, but her heart is heavy," Faramir told him. "I hoped that you could raise her spirits."
"I can," Merry said, "Don't worry about that. Which way to the garden?"
"I hoped you would say that," Faramir said. "I'll show you the way."
*****
"There is the door to the garden," Faramir said. "Good luck."
Merry nodded. He had a plan to get her spirits up, and he knew it would work.
Merry stepped out into the morning sun and paused to allow his eyes to adjust. The garden was well tended and there were lots of trees. He could see someone sitting under a tree at the far end of the garden, so he headed that way. As he approached, he recognized the unmistakable flame red hair of Miranda and he smiled. Her eyes were closed and she was leaning back against the trunk with a peaceful look on her face.
"Good morning, Miranda," Merry said.
Miranda opened her eyes and smiled. "Merry! You look well, how do you feel?"
"A little sore, but on the mend," he said with a smile.
"Sit down and rest," Miranda said. "There's a nice cool breeze and the sun is shining."
"Yes," Merry said as he sat down, "The sun is shining, but you are not."
Miranda looked over at Merry in surprise. "Well, sir," Miranda said humorously. "No need for flattery."
"Don't jest with me, Miranda," Merry said seriously. "Do you think that because I am short in your eyes I am but a child? Pip and I joke around, but we are older than you. Lord Faramir told me you were not well, and now I see what he meant."
Miranda just looked straight ahead, but prompted him to continue. "What is it you see, Merry?"
"The light in your eyes has gone out," he said. "What has taken it?"
Miranda sighed and looked over at Merry. "I guess I'm feeling sorry for myself," she admitted. "I feel lost, broken and alone as though the world is against me." She paused and smiled. "Pretty stupid, huh?"
"No," Merry said with a smile. "Not at all, the road has not been easy for any of us."
"I feel better talking to you," Miranda said. "Thanks for coming out here."
"I'm just glad to get out of that room," Merry admitted. Then his expression turned mischievous and he looked at Miranda with a knowing smile. "So, I hear that you have news."
Miranda looked at his expression and blushed. "Who said that?" she asked.
"Legolas and Gimli," he said. "I understand that you and Haldir are betrothed."
"Yes," Miranda admitted.
"How'd it happen?" he asked eagerly. "I missed out on so much."
"Oh, it sort of just happened," Miranda said vaguely.
"No, really," Merry said. "How'd you know he was the one? How'd you get an Elf to fall for ya?"
Miranda blushed again, but realized what he was up to. He was trying to get her to think about something pleasant, so she gave in. "Actually, it took him a while to convince me," she said.
"Figured that was how it was," Merry laughed.
Miranda laughed with him and told him about their journey from the paths of the dead. She left out the personal parts, but gave him the general account.
"So, has he kissed you?" Merry asked bluntly.
Blush.
"Oh, he has," Merry laughed. "And you liked it."
"Oh, stop," Miranda said with a shy smile.
Merry looked at her again and the light in her eyes had definitely returned. He smiled to himself, proud at the success of his clever plan. "When are you to wed?" he asked a little more seriously.
Miranda's expression turned sad again and she answered, "When there is peace again."
Merry took her hand and gave it a squeeze. "That won't be so long," he said. "Frodo and Sam have to be getting close to getting rid of that ring, and Strider and the army will be storming the gates of Mordor before you know it."
Miranda smiled, "Thanks Merry," she said. "I guess I just needed to get my optimism back."
"You should have talked to me first then," Merry said. "I'm the optimistic one."
Miranda laughed. "And the brave one, oh slayer of Nazgul," she said proudly.
"And what about you, Seer?" Merry asked with a smile. "Shadow killer."
Their eyes met and they both burst into laughter, but it was Miranda who reigned in her mirth first.
"That was very brave," she said seriously. "Théoden would be proud of you."
Merry's face sobered and he stared ahead as if he gazed at some memory. "I miss him," he said.
Miranda nodded and sighed. "I miss him too," she said. "And I miss the rest of the fellowship."
Merry looked over at her and suddenly smiled. "You miss your family," he said.
"Told you did they?" Miranda asked.
"Legolas and Gimli told me, sister," he said with a smile. "I'll have to write you into the family tree when I get back to the Shire."
"No need for that," Miranda said with a smile.
"Why not?" Merry asked seriously. "I always wanted a brother or sister, and now I have one."
"Well, then, brother, tell me about the Shire," Miranda said, and that was all she needed to say for several hours.
Merry told her about growing up in Buckland and about his friendship with Frodo and Pip and Sam. He told her lots of stories about the good times they had shared in the home they loved. For only a moment Miranda felt jealous of his home and close knit family. She was glad that he'd had such a great childhood to balance the frightening things he'd seen on their journey.
They sat in the garden until mid afternoon, and then they parted. Miranda went back to her room in brighter spirits. She ate a hearty meal and went to bed early, optimistic about this new home and her future in it.
*****
The garden was occupied again in the late afternoon by Lord Faramir and Lady Ẻowyn. They walked at length, sometimes in silence, but comforted by each other's company. Faramir was glad that she had come to see him and he was hopeful that her sorrow would pass. They stood on the battlements and watched the sunset together.
"How far is it to the black gate?" Ẻowyn asked.
"Seven days' journey," Faramir said.
"Then five days hence," she said softly.
"Yes," Faramir said. "But let us not dwell on what may come. Let's just enjoy this sunset and good company."
Ẻowyn said nothing, but Faramir noticed her lean a little closer. She stood tall and proud, but he thought perhaps she was softening towards him. They lingered until the last rays of sun fled before the starry sky. Then he walked her back to her room.
"Lady, will you break your fast with me in the hall tomorrow?" he asked.
Ẻowyn was ready to decline until she saw his face. He looked on her with admiration and his eyes twinkled. "I will break my fast in the hall tomorrow," she said noncommittally.
"Then I will look forward to seeing you then," he said and gave her a slight bow. "Rest well, lady of Rohan."
"And you, My Lord Steward," she said as she closed her door.
Faramir smiled broadly as he headed to his room. He passed young Izabel, returning from her lady's chamber and he paused. "How is your lady this evening?" he asked.
"Lady Miranda is well," Izabel said with a smile.
Faramir smiled at Izabel and then said, "Let me know if she requires anything, or if her melancholy returns."
Izabel gave him a curtsey, "Yes, Lord Faramir."
Faramir went to bed content. He had helped to heal the heart of one lady, and tomorrow he hoped to touch the heart of another. He closed his eyes and thought of Ẻowyn. It broke his heart to see her in such sorrow. He would give anything to see true joy in her eyes.