Total Drama All-Stars Rewritten: Episode 18
RATED TV-14
This episode contains material that may be inappropriate for viewers under the age of 14. Viewer discretion is advised.
Aftermath III
(Recap)
Zoey: Bye everyone! Take care!
Duncan: It was fun while it lasted. I'll be watching and rooting for ya from prison.
Scott: WHAT?! ME?!
Izzy: (smug) Oh really? Tag! You're it! (she makes a run for it!) YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME! (she runs away laughing wildly! The police chase her off the island! Everyone is confused)
(Total Drama theme song)
Dear mom and dad, I'm doing fine
You guys are on my mind
You asked me what I wanted to be, now I think the answer is plain to see
I wanna be famous!
I wanna live close to the sun
Well pack your bags 'cause I've already won
Everything to prove nothing in my way
I'll get there one day
'Cause I wanna be famous!
Na, na, na-na-na-na, na-na-na, na, na-na-na-na
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!
(Whistling)
(Aftermath theme song)
(In the Total Drama Aftermath studio, the audience claps and cheers as Bridgette and Blaineley are seated at center stage with the peanut gallery on both sides)
Bridgette: Hi everyone! Welcome back to the Total Drama All-Stars Aftermath! I'm Bridgette!
Blaineley: And I'm Blaineley! A lot of drama has gone down on the show since we last saw you!
Bridgette: A lot of drama indeed! The gross food challenge, Heather kidnapping Chris on a wild goose chase in Toronto…
Blaineley: Chef Hatchet's cooking challenge, and the spicy balloons!
Rodney: Yeah, the challenge where Sugar threw a snake at me.
Sugar: No comment.
Dave: I got itching powder on me from that!
Amy: Wimp.
Bridgette: Uh…thanks for that! Anyway, the drama has surpassed expectations, to the point where 3 ex-contestants have landed themselves behind bars!
Blaineley: Well, 2 of them at least! Which brings us to a brand new segment, designed by Bridgette and me.
Bridgette: TOTAL! DRAMA! INMATES! (the screen shows Duncan, Heather and Izzy locked up) After Heather kidnapped Chris and threatened to kill him if he didn't give her the million bucks, Duncan was quick to react!
Blaineley: Unfortunately for him, he lost control of his car and crashed into a gas station! Yikes!
Bridgette: Thankfully he and Gwen jumped clear before the blast! Gwen wasn't hurt, but Duncan was!
Blaineley: Doctors discovered he broke several ribs, sprained his wrist, and severely injured his leg!
Bridgette: He also faced charges on involuntary destruction of a public property. As far as we know, his sentencing is minor, so he won't be in jail for long.
Blaineley: We'll see if we can have him join the show on webcam today. Unfortunately Heather wasn't so lucky.
Bridgette: Heather kidnapped Chris and demanded the million dollars be handed to her or she threatened to kill him!
(Scarlett feels embarrassed by this, as she remembers the time she did the same thing)
Blaineley: She faces charges of kidnapping, death threats, and also driving with an expired license. She will be in jail for quite some time.
Bridgette: As for Izzy…let's just say it's a matter of time before the cops catch her!
Blaineley: She evaded the police and she's still on the run! She faced charges for destruction of a private cottage.
Bridgette: More like a mansion, or a 5-star resort. That was Playa des Losers where we all got dumped after our eliminations in season 1.
Sadie: I remember that place! It was the best!
Katie: Yeah! It had everything!
Noah: (sarcastic) And it had the same pool Izzy pissed in.
Blaineley: Ew.
Bridgette: Uh, yeah. Anyway, Izzy has disappeared and no one can find her! But she's out there somewhere. She can't hide forever!
Blaineley: That's right Bridgette! Alright, I think it's time to introduce our first group of guests! Check it out.
(the screen shows footage of Zoey)
Bridgette: After placing 3rd in Revenge of the Island, Zoey was a lock to represent 2nd generation in our All-Star season!
Blaineley: She thought she was entering the game with her 2 besties, but things took a turn for the worst when her boy toy went from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde!
Bridgette: Mal kept pushing Zoey until she finally snapped and turned commando, colliding with Mal head on and going for the jugular!
Blaineley: Couldn't have said it better myself!
Bridgette: Unfortunately, Mal's sabotage led to her sad exit, with Mike still missing!
Blaineley: And then there's our favorite Mohawk-donning thug, Duncan!
Harold: Of course Duncan qualified for a season of All-Stars. He's made it to the final 5 3 times in a row!
Blaineley: (sarcastic) Thanks for doing my job, Napoleon Dynamite!
Bridgette: Blaineley! Anyway, Duncan still had unfinished business with Courtney and they finally repaired the bridges to their long lost friendship.
Katie and Sadie: Awww! (Noah rolls his eyes)
Blaineley: In one final act of kindness to save him and his girl from certain death, he landed himself in the hospital with charges against him.
Bridgette: Our guests have a pet cat and hamster, fought a kangaroo, is an only child, and was once a member of a rock band in London, welcome…Zoey and Duncan!
(the crowd cheers as Zoey enters, waving happily. She takes a seat in the hot seat next to the hosts)
Zoey: Hi everybody!
Bridgette: Hi Zoey! Glad to have you on the show!
Zoey: Thank you! I can't believe I'm actually in the Total Drama Aftermath studio! Wow, you literally brought everyone here! Hi guys!
Dawn: Greetings Zoey!
Dakota: Hi Zoey!
Zoey: Dakota! You're back to normal again!
Dakota: Yep! It feels great to not be a mutant anymore!
Blaineley: (sarcastic) How sweet. Anyway, back to you Zoey! You've been through quite a lot. Your boyfriend turned into a monster, you turned into a monster to fight fire with fire…
Zoey: (interrupting) I didn't turn into a monster! I brought out my inner warrior! I knew if I was going to rescue Mike from the likes of that two-faced menace, I had to toughen up!
Bridgette: It is good to stand your ground once in a while, isn't it? (the audience agrees with her)
Zoey: How's Duncan doing? Where is he?
Bridgette: Duncan will join us in a bit. Just on webcam if we can get him.
Blaineley: (radio) Can we get Duncan on the screen please? (Duncan appears on screen, he is wearing orange and is in jail. The audience cheers for him)
Bridgette: There he is! Duncan! Can you hear me?
Duncan: Yep, all good.
Blaineley: Welcome to the show! Too bad you couldn't be here in person.
Duncan: It's cool.
Zoey: Hi Duncan!
Duncan: Hey red.
Blaineley: I think now it's time for our game of Truth or Anvil! (Bridgette and Zoey gasp)
Zoey: Wait, so you're saying that thing falls on me if I tell a lie?
Blaineley: Yep! So, Zoey, here's your first question.
Bridgette: Hold it right there! I went through enough trouble with Geoff when he was going over the top with these hazards, and I'm not about to go through any more with you!
Blaineley: What's your problem? I don't think Zoey is the kind of person to tell a lie, aren't you Zoey?
Zoey: (nervous) Uh…yeah! I don't lie! Go ahead!
Blaineley: Okay then! So, Zoey, I gotta know. When you were eliminated, you made a move on Duncan that caught everyone off guard, including him. Roll it!
(the footage shows Zoey's elimination and her talking to Duncan)
Duncan: Later toots.
(she gives Duncan the biggest hug of all)
Duncan: (choking) Zoey...choking...not breathing!
Zoey: (hugging) Aw, I think I'm gonna miss you the most! (she kisses him on the cheek! Duncan is shocked!) Kick Mal's ass for me!
(Duncan is speechless from her kiss!)
Blaineley: That kiss sparked a lot of theories and controversy among the fans. Zoey, what made you want to kiss Duncan? Was it you just being friendly? Or is it that you actually have feelings for him?
Zoey: Oh come on! I was just being friendly! (the anvil doesn't move)
Blaineley: Sierra? Can you back up Zoey's claim?
Sierra: (looks up her blogs on her phone) My blog says that Zoey only views Duncan as a close friend, and she is one of a few people who can see what a softie he is. But she has feelings for Mike more than anyone else.
Zoey: See? Sierra: Although, there are some fans who ship them together! They call them Doey!
Zoey: (laughs) Duncan and me? What a joke!
Blaineley: Hmm…can we get some exclusive footage of Zoey and Duncan? (the screen shows footage of Duncan just chilling, and Zoey is staring at him with a big smile on her face) I've seen that look before Zoey! It looks as if you LIKE like Duncan!
Zoey: Look, I like Duncan! A lot! But Mike is my boyfriend! And I wouldn't want it any other way! (the anvil doesn't move)
Sierra: She's right.
Blaineley: (frustrated) UGH! Why can't these people just tell a lie already? UGH!
Bridgette: Easy Blaineley! Don't push it! You could get kicked off the show again! Besides, I know what that kind of feeling is. Like, I remember the time when DJ kissed me! DJ?
DJ: Yeah, that wasn't in a romantic way. I was just being friendly that time. Bridgette is a dear friend of mine! And how about the time when Lindsay kissed me? She was just being friendly!
Bridgette: See Blaineley? Just because someone kisses another person on the cheek doesn't mean they're officially a thing! It's just a sweet and friendly gesture!
Blaineley: (sarcastic) Fine, whatever. Shall we move on to jailbird now?
(the screen cuts back to Duncan in jail)
Bridgette: Since you're not here at the studio with us, you won't have to worry about the anvil.
Duncan: Whatever. I've been hit with worse.
Blaineley: Wow! (giggles) Someone's got titanium bones! (giggles) So, Duncan, you buried the hatchet with Courtney in the beginning of the season. Did you really mean everything you said? I mean, this is your ex!
Duncan: Of course I meant what I said. I've matured. And so has she.
Sierra: He's right! I have the evidence to prove it!
Blaineley: Are you sure you mean you want to be friends with her again, or do you just want some ass?
Duncan: Knock it off! That's not who I am anymore.
Blaineley: What about Zoey?
Duncan: You gotta be kidding me! She and I are just friends! Right Zoey?
Zoey: That's right! Like I said, that kiss meant nothing!
Blaineley: Whatever.
Bridgette: Okay, I think it's time we take a short break.
Topher: Stick around, the Total Drama Aftermath will be right back!
Bridgette: Topher! For the last time, that's our job!
Topher: I can't help it!
Blaineley: For the love of…please show some self-control, will ya?!
Bridgette: We'll be right back.
(Commercial break)
Blaineley: Welcome back to Total Drama All-Stars Aftermath!
Bridgette: After a little bit of a fiasco with my cohost here, who needs to remember to watch herself!
Blaineley: What can I say? I like getting the dirt on things! You know, the gossip!
Bridgette: Need I remind you, these people have had it rough already, having to tolerate the likes of Chris and Chef! And they lost out on a million bucks!
Blaineley: Whatever. Uh, okay! I think it's time to introduce our next group of guests! Bridgette, if you please?
Bridgette: Scott entered All-Stars as a masterful contender for the money, having placed 4th in Revenge of the Island.
Blaineley: Our devious dirt-eating country boy may have had a few tricks up his sleeve, but he had a change of heart after he found love in the form of Courtney.
Katie and Sadie: Awwww!
Leshawna: It's nice to see that girl has changed.
Harold: Courtney has definitely matured since season 2. That was a mess.
Dawn: She has found a way to cleanse her aura. I'm impressed.
Ella: How wonderful!
Bridgette: Their new relationship didn't last long, when Mal rigged the votes and booted the redhead off the show.
Blaineley: And then there's the biggest nutjob of all, Izzy. Noah, what did you say she was?
Noah: (sarcastic) A 10 ton bag of pecans smothered in peanut butter encased in a cashew the size of China.
(everyone laughs)
Bridgette: (laughing) Oh Noah, you are too funny!
Owen: That's my little buddy for ya! But I still miss Izzy. Go on!
Bridgette: Anyway, Izzy made it into the game with Sammy last time in our second chance challenge, but Izzy's time on the show was cut short when she blew up Chris's quarters.
DJ: I liked that place too.
Eva: It was nice, but it wasn't nice that the reason we were there was because we lost the first game.
Trent: True. Still, nice place.
Bridgette: I'll say! Izzy's actions led to her arrest and now, she's gone missing!
Owen: (gasps) Izzy is missing?! Not Izzy!
Noah: (sarcastic) Good riddance.
Blaineley: She fled the island and evaded police for as long as we know of, and to this day, she's still on the run!
Bridgette: Our guests have sniffed their armpits, impersonated a bear and a polar bear, ate dirt, pissed in a pool, got eaten alive by a mutant shark, and ate 95 marshmallows in one sitting, give it up for…Scott and Izzy! (the crowd cheers as Scott takes to the stage)
Scott: Hey everyone!
Bridgette: Hi Scott! Welcome!
Scott: Great to be here. That shark isn't here too, is he?
Bridgette: No, he isn't.
Scott: Phew! I've had enough crap from that fish out of water!
Sugar: I could take him.
Noah: (sarcastic) Yeah. Right.
Owen: I'm like a buffet to a shark!
Noah: (sarcastic) You're like a buffet to EVERY animal.
Bridgette: (giggles) Okay, thank you! So, Scott, you and Courtney are now dating right?
Scott: That's right!
Blaineley: What does she see in you?
Bridgette: (to Blaineley/annoyed) If you watch the footage, you'll know. (the screen shows Courtney talking about Scott)
Courtney: (on screen) That guy Scott is kinda cute, but in a sloppy, rustic sort of way. Like a shack with nice curtains. Or a donkey wearing a wig! (Smiles)
Scott: Well, mama always says I'm as handsome as a mule.
Justin: You call yourself handsome? I'll give ya handsome! (he takes his shirt off, and nobody is buying it) Nothing? You guys feel nothing?
Beth: Nope. Still not a tingle.
DJ: Sorry to break it to you pretty boy, but Alejandro makes you look like a hobo.
Leshawna: He's got a point.
Justin: Oh come on! He's like, Justin-lite!
Blaineley: I still think you're handsome, Justin.
Justin: See? She gets it.
Jo: The only thing you GOT is that key in your pocket that you pretend is really your (censored) to impress the ladies, because you feel you need "relations." (everyone laughs)
Bridgette: (laughing) OOOOH! BURN!
Blaineley: (laughing) Oh, that was too rich! I can't breathe! (falls over laughing)
Bridgette: (trying to stop laughing) Okay, I think it's time for the truth or hazard segment now. (giggling)
Scott: What?
Blaineley: (gets up and sits back down) We ask you a question and a hazard will knock you out of your pants! So, you and Courtney became a thing in this season after she left Duncan. Do you think she was playing you at all?
Scott: No. (the anvil doesn't move)
Sierra: He's right. Courtney really does have feelings for him. She does.
Scott: I'll admit. At first I was being a big flirt. The only advice my Pappy ever gave me about dating was, if you're ever in Holland, go Dutch.
Dawn: I knew you had a heart in there somewhere.
Scott: Whatever. Don't get comfortable.
Blaineley: Uh, okay! So, was your relationship with Courtney an act to get Duncan jealous?
Bridgette: Blaineley!
Blaineley: What? I'm just trying to get the truth!
Scott: The answer is no. (the anvil doesn't move)
Sierra: Once again, a home run.
Beth: I think they have about as much chemistry as those figure skaters after one of them dropped the other on her head.
(the Ice Dancers are watching at home)
Josee: Hey! We resemble that remark! (glares at Jacques)
Jacques: What? I said I was sorry! Ugh!
Blaineley: Uh, thanks Beth.
Bridgette: Okay, I think we've had enough hazards for one day. Why don't we check out the status of Izzy's police escape?
Blaineley: Yeah! I think we have some exclusive clips! Roll it!
(the screen shows Izzy running from the police and hiding out of sight!)
Zoey: Wow, Izzy sure is stealthy!
Sierra: She is #8 on the RCMP's most wanted.
Blaineley: I think after blowing up Chris's home, she went from #8 to #1!
Bridgette: No doubt!
(suddenly, Izzy comes swinging into the studio!)
Izzy: WOO HOO! (she lands in the hot seat next to Zoey and Scott! Everyone is surprised to see her!) Hey guys!
Bridgette: Izzy?
Blaineley: You're here? How did you get here undetected?
Izzy: Oh my gosh you guys, I pulled the best trick ever on the RCMP! I used my bear costume trick to scare them out of their pants! They ran for their lives and I found my way here! So funny! (laughs) They tried calling for the S.W.A.T. team to catch me but I was too quick for them! I kept leading them through all kinds of traps in the woods and they kept tripping all over each other, I was laughing so hard! (laughs)
Bridgette: (awkward) Uh…o-kay! Well, we're glad you could make it to the show Izzy.
Izzy: Thanks! It sucks that I got disqualified.
Blaineley: And who's fault is that?
Izzy: Not me! (laughs) But Explosivo might have a story to tell. BOOM BOOM!
Bridgette: Uh, no Izzy! No boom boom in here!
Noah: (sarcastic) Nutjob.
Izzy: Hi Noah! Hi Big O!
Owen: Hi Izzy! Nice to see ya! I missed you.
Izzy: I missed you too! Now we're together again!
Noah: (sarcastic) Oh boy…here we go again…
Bridgette: I think it's time to check our webcams! We have one more webcam guest joining us tonight! (Heather comes on the screen from jail! Everyone gasps and she is MAD)
Blaineley: Heather?
Heather: That's right! I'm here! And I am now controlling transmission!
Scarlett: Uh oh…
Max: That should be my job! You there! On the monitor! I command you hand the controls to me at once!
Heather: Stuff it, Gru! I'm doing the talking here!
Jo: Why should it be you, toothpick?
Sugar: It should be me! Duh!
Heather: You? Did you look in the mirror this morning?! You're about an Xbox 360! That's how big you are! Xbox 360! The 360 is your weight, (censored)!
(Everyone laughs at Sugar!)
Sugar: (angry) Are you callin' me fat?!
Heather: Of course not! For a hippopotamus!
(Everyone laughs at Sugar)
Sugar: You're one to talk! You're so skinny, you probably do hula hoops with Cheerios!
(Everyone laughs at Heather)
Heather: (angry) I am not that skinny, you big Popeye's chicken eating motherf-(censored)!
Leshawna: That was too funny!
Sugar: Oh shut up, fat woman!
Leshawna: Are you calling me fat?! Look at yourself! You're so fat when you jump in the ocean, the whales start singing "We are family!"
(Everyone laughs some more)
Sugar: Shut up! I starred in the Darwin's Food Safari commercials! So I'm more glamorous than all you losers combined!
Amy: Are you sure you starred in those commercials? Or are you just a customer in disguise so you can get all the food?
Everyone: OOOOOOOOHHHHHH!
Heather: Burn! Besides, who would ever hire you to do commercials? You're so ugly, you could be a modern art masterpiece!
Jo: Take that, fat body!
Sugar: You're gonna get sugared if you keep squawking, filthy bird!
Jo: Not only are you wrong, you're stupid! And yes, you're ugly, just like your mom!
Everyone: OOOOOOOHHHHHH!
Sugar: Did you just call my mother ugly?!
Jo: Yes! And I gotta know, is it structurally possible for you to (censored) yourself? (Everyone burst out laughing! Sugar is steaming mad!)
Amy: Can we get the fire department on speed dial? Because Honey Boo Boo over here just got BURND!
Heather: I'll burn all of you if you don't shut the (censored) up! This is my segment!
(the mean girls get into a huge brawl on stage!)
Topher: Oooooh! Catfight! Catfight!
Blaineley: I know Josh would pay big bucks to see this.
Bridgette: Uh, security! (Security guards break it up and escort the mean girls offstage)
Blaineley: Phew! While those insults were funny, that got out of hand quickly.
Bridgette: True that! Still, Xbox 360? (laughs) So funny!
Heather: Now, where was I? Oh yeah. If anyone thinks I still have a thing for Alejandro, your ass will be MINE! Got it?!
Sierra: Eh, just make out with him already!
Heather: UGHHHHHH! I want my revenge! You hear me?!
Blaineley: Mute her.
Heather: Don't you-(she gets muted)
Bridgette: That's better. (Heather is still yelling and cursing on the screen, but no one can hear her because she's on mute!)
Blaineley: Or, how about this? We can cut Heather off with a little bit of, THAT'S GONNA LEAVE A MARK!
Bridgette: Roll it!
(the screen shows funny bloopers from the show! Like Zoey punching Mal in the face! The girls' boat zooming out of the water and crashing! Duncan crashing his car! Scott chasing after Fang and tripping! The campers getting hit with balloons and splattered with sauces and more tripping!)
Bridgette: Now that's gonna leave a mark! I'll send it to you Geoff.
Zoey: Mal deserved that sucker punch.
Sadie: Adorable and badass all in one!
Katie: Zoey's the whole package!
Sierra: Indeed she is!
Beth: I admire that she dug deep to stand up to her nemesis. That's what I did in season 2.
Bridgette: You sure did Beth! And that's all for today! Join Chris and the gang next time on an all-new thrilling episode of TOTAL! DRAMA! ALL-STARS!
Blaineley: Goodnight everyone!
(the audience cheers as they dim the lights)
(Credits)