Total Drama All-Stars Rewritten: Episode 19
RATED TV-14
This episode contains material that may be inappropriate for viewers under the age of 14. Viewer discretion is advised.
Ready or Not…Here Comes Chef!
(Recap)
Chris: Last time on Total Drama All-Stars, the campers went wild with balloon animals. And not the kind you'd think! Heh heh heh! Alejandro and Mal butted heads like a pair of angry goats! So did Alejandro and Geoff! Rivalries, what fun! Right? In the end, Alejandro won a night in luxury, and Izzy pulled a low blow when she destroyed my beautiful cottage! (sniffles sadly) Ahem. Mal would have walked the dock of shame, but he was saved by Izzy's escape from the police. She can't stay out of their sight for long! Only 11 players are left! Who will be the next unlucky camper to walk down this crappy dock? Find out tonight on another exciting episode of…TOTAL! DRAMA! ALL-STARS!
(Theme song)
Dear mom and dad, I'm doing fine
You guys are on my mind
You asked me what I wanted to be, now I think the answer is plain to see
I wanna be famous!
I wanna live close to the sun
Well pack your bags 'cause I've already won
Everything to prove nothing in my way
I'll get there one day
'Cause I wanna be famous!
Na, na, na-na-na-na, na-na-na, na, na-na-na-na
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!
(Whistling)
(Later that night, Alejandro is enjoying luxury at the spa hotel, soaking in the hot tub)
Alejandro: Ahh. Phase 2 of my mission complete. Win today's challenge, and leave Mal vulnerable for the night. And Geoff is still all over my ass. But thank God no more Izzy.
Chris: Hey roomie! Since my place got blown to pieces, looks like I have no other alternative, but to stay here! Hey, it's not exactly a cakewalk for me either! (he throws off his towel) I lost everything! Even my swim trunks! Heh heh heh! (he gets in the hot tub. Alejandro doesn't approve)
Alejandro: Ugh. Hijo de puto. (he gets out and leaves. He goes to the production room and finds the Mal DVD) And now, time for phase 3. Planting the next evidence. (all sneaky like, Alejandro hides the DVD inside one of the Chris paintings)
Alejandro: (confessional) The seed is planted. I will not let Mal get away with trying to take over the Island.
Mal: (confessional) Alejandro is doing everything in his power to interfere with my plans. He is the biggest threat. So I must defeat him once and for all. And then I can focus on getting rid of Mike. For good! And who's got the courage to oppose me? That would be nobody. The others are a bunch of pushovers. (laughs evilly)
(in Mike's subconscious, Mike and his personalities are traveling across the barren landscape of his mind to reach Mal's HQ. They're starting to get tired)
Mike: How much farther?
Manitoba: 40 miles.
Mike: That's gonna take forever! Mal will probably have a date with world domination by the time we get there!
Manitoba: Maybe not. The others in the real world are aware he exists. And Alejandro is doing his best to recruit people to bar his way.
Mike: Really? Huh. I thought Al was a bad guy.
Vito: Ay yo, compared to me, Al is a joke.
Svetlana: He may be very graceful, but it is I who is more graceful!
Manitoba: And just because he's handsome doesn't make him a dumbass. The man is smart.
Mike: You're right. So there is hope.
Chester: I just hope we get there soon, or my teeth will rot! If I had any!
Mike: Okay, that's gross.
(they keep moving)
(After Alejandro hid the DVD, he lays down on the bed for the night)
Alejandro: It's only a matter of time before someone finds the DVD, and therefore, the truth will be revealed. For now, time to get some shuteye. (he goes to sleep)
(the next morning)
Lindsay: This is just great! I ran out of lip gloss!
Courtney: (sarcastic) Tragic.
Gwen: Indeed.
Lindsay: How am I supposed to keep my lips all glossy now?
Gwen: No clue.
Courtney: Maybe you should just chill out. It could be worse.
Sammy: It's cool. I have some.
Lindsay: Yay! Thanks Sammy! (she applies lip gloss on her lips)
Courtney: (confessional) Yeah, Lindsay can still be a nuisance like she was to me in season 2. Remember all the times when she won when I should have won? Yeah, she put a bad taste in my mouth from that. I think I'm over that fiasco now.
Gwen: (confessional) Not the first time Lindsay has complained over her beauty needs.
(on the guys' side of the cabin, the guys are having drinks. Except Mal. He is somewhere else)
Geoff: (takes a sip of beer) Ahh, nothing like just chilling out and laying low, right Dudes?
Brick: (takes a sip of beer) Affirmative.
Lightning: (takes a sip of beer) Lightning needs his recovery!
Geoff: That one's not beer.
(Lightning spits it out!)
Lightning: YECCCHHHHHHH! Sha-NASTY! (he runs into the bathroom and gargles mouthwash! Geoff and Brick laugh)
Geoff: (confessional/laughs) I don't even know what to draw for that one!
Lightning: (confessional/brushing his teeth) How was I supposed to know that wasn't beer?! (gargles mouthwash) I swear I ain't never going to that bar again!
(in the woods, Sky and Jasmine are foraging for fruit)
Jasmine: G'day Sky! Foraging too I see?
Sky: Mhm! Kinda reminiscent of our days on Pahkitew Island, right?
Jasmine: Yeah. The Island may have been hell in a hand-basket, but we still got good sustenance from the fruit we picked.
Sky: Yeah, and Chris only fed winning teams every few days.
Jasmine: You'd think he would do a better job at that, right?
Sky: He has gotten better about it this year, with his penalties and all.
Jasmine: Right. Glad to see he's turning over a new leaf.
Chris: (loudspeaker) Morning campers! Time for today's fun activity. Meet me at the dock of shame in 10 minutes!
(everyone meets up with Chris at the dock)
Chris: Today we will be paying homage to Chef's hide and seek challenge from season 1. With a little bit of the hurl and seek challenge from last season. Here's what you do. You all have 10 minutes to hide.
Chef: Once those 10 minutes expire, I'm on the hunt. Locked, loaded, and hunting y'all motherf-(censored) asses down! (snickers evilly)
Chris: Yeah, his military background and advanced degree in manhunting say it all.
Sky: Wait, there's a college degree in manhunting?
Lightning: So, Chef is a hitman?
Chris: He was, at one point. Heh heh heh! (Chef pulls out his spaghetti launcher)
Sammy: Is that a…?
Chris: Like in season 1, the lifeguard chair is home base. When Chef finds you, he'll try to douse you in spaghetti! If you can escape Chef, you can try to run to home base and you'll be safe.
Lightning: (mocking) Ooooh, spaghetti! Lightning is so scared!
Chris: Care to demonstrate, Chef? And not on me this time!
Chef: Rocket propelled spaghetti cannon. Featuring my own special recipe. Chef Hatchet's in your face extra spicy spaghetti. Dinner is served. IN YOUR FACE! (he blasts a large douse of spaghetti on an intern, blasting him 100 feet away!) Spicy!
Chris: Very good. So, in order to win, you have 3 choices. 1, stay hidden in your hiding place. 2, run to home base before Chef catches you. 3, if you've been caught, help Chef find other campers. Do any of those and you will win invincibility. Cool? (everyone nods) Okay, 10 minutes to hide…starting…NOW! (everyone splits up and goes in different directions around the Island)
Lindsay: (confessional) The last time we played hide and seek, I was having a hard time finding a place to hide. Now, I think it won't be much of a problem! (giggles) I got this!
(Chris finds her hiding under a pile of blankets in the cabin)
Chris: Lindsay, you're gonna have to do better than that.
Lindsay: Aw man! I thought it would totally work! (she runs out of the cabin to find another place to hide! Meanwhile, Mal is in the woods. He digs himself a deep hole in the ground and hops inside! He then covers up the hole with a rock!)
Mal: (confessional) Ha! He'll never find me!
(Lightning finds a cave. He checks to see if it's empty)
Lightning: Hello? Anybody home? (no answer) Oh well. I claim this cave in the name of Lightning! Sha-bam! (he goes inside and makes himself comfortable)
(Meanwhile, Brick is stealthily following Chef and mimicking his every move. When Chef thinks he's being followed, he turns around! Brick quickly hides in a bush! Chef keeps walking)
Brick: (confessional) It's all part of what I learned back at cadets. How to move quietly and undetected. The enemy will never see you coming. How's that for a military background, Chris?
(Nearby, Alejandro uses mud and moss to camouflage himself with a tree trunk. He stays perfectly still and closes his eyes so he cannot be seen! High above the ground, Sky is hiding in the same tree! She climbs into a hole in the tree and hides inside)
Sky: (confessional) It was probably an abandoned bird's nest. It was just my size!
(Gwen goes to the spa hotel. She wanders around the rooms until she spots an air vent big enough for her to fit in.)
Gwen: Hmm… (she climbs up and hides inside the air vent)
(Brick is still following Chef and mirroring him. Chef quickly turns around, thinking he's being followed! But Brick hides out of sight! Chef keeps walking)
(Meanwhile, Jasmine is having a hard time finding a place to hide)
Jasmine: (confessional) I'm not exactly the best hider. I'm so big and tall, even if I disguise myself as a tree, it wouldn't do me any good. I'll have to resort to drastic measures.
(Then, she gets an idea! She goes to the mess hall and climbs up onto the roof! Still thinking she would be caught, she looks around and spots the chimney! She gets another idea! She climbs inside the chimney and ducks her head in so she can't be seen)
Jasmine: It'll be fine. I know I'm claustrophobic, but at least I know how to get myself out.
(Courtney goes to the mess hall and sneaks inside. Unknown to her, Lindsay sees an opportunity to hide in there and she follows! Courtney is hiding under a table when Lindsay finds her)
Lindsay: Courtney! Hi! (Courtney bumps her head)
Courtney: OWW!
Lindsay: You're here too!
Courtney: What are you doing here Lindsay? We're supposed to have our own hiding places, remember?
Lindsay: I know, but…
Courtney: You should probably clear out, if you don't want to get caught.
Lindsay: But I…
Courtney: Will you quit your blabbering about and scat?!
(Courtney tosses Lindsay out the window!)
Lindsay: Aw man!
Courtney: And stay out!
(Sammy thinks about where to hide and then, she gets an idea! She goes to the cabin and hides underneath)
Sammy: (confessional) Better than nothing.
(Geoff goes to the mess hall and hides inside a barrel)
Chef: (loudspeaker) Attention Dirtbags! Your head start has expired! Which means, ready or not…HERE I COME!
(Commercial break)
Chef: (loudspeaker) Attention Dirtbags! Your head start has expired! Which means, ready or not…HERE I COME!
(Lindsay is still out in the open, with no place to hide!)
Lindsay: Oh no! Not again! (she makes a run for it!) AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
(Chef hears Lindsay's scream and comes running towards her! Lindsay tries to run back to the dock!)
Lindsay: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!
(she reaches the dock, but before she can tag home base, Chef blasts her! She is covered in spaghetti and sauce!)
Lindsay: My hair!
Chef: Tough break, sweetie.
Lindsay: (confessional) (censored)! Although… (she eats some spaghetti from her hair) Mmm! Just put it on a plate next time! (she feels the spices burning inside her) AAAHHHHHH! HOT! HOT! WATER!
(Lindsay is following Chef as he is searching for the other campers. In the woods, Brick is setting traps. A pit trap, a net trap, and booby traps. Chef is stepping on fire crackers!)
Chef: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! What are these, fire crackers?! Ow! Ow! (he falls down into a pit trap!) AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
Lindsay: Oh my gosh!
(Brick is hiding behind a tree)
Brick: Enemy captured.
Chef: Whoever did this is gonna get an ass kicking! Soon as I get out.
(Brick disappears into the woods. Meanwhile, while Sammy is hiding under the cabin, a cockroach crawls on her! She gets scared and tries to hold back screaming!)
Sammy: (confessional) I don't know how much longer I could go without screaming in terror!
(More cockroaches crawl on her! She can't hold it in any longer!)
Sammy: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
(Chef had gotten out of the pit trap and corners her!)
Chef: You're mine!
Sammy: Okay! Okay! I surrender! You win!
Chef: Let's make it official. (he blasts her with spaghetti!)
Sammy: Ow! Hot!
Chef: Heh heh heh! Spicy!
Lindsay: Sorry you got caught bestie.
Sammy: It's okay, I guess.
(Then, Chef spots Brick in the woods! He sprints towards him!)
Brick: Code red! Code red! Retreat! Retreat! (he runs away towards the dock! Chef fires shots of spaghetti at him and he dodges the shots with style!)
Chef: (running) You're gonna get tired eventually! That head's too heavy to run around for long.
Brick: (running/smug) Oh really? (he makes it to the dock! Chef fires spaghetti and Brick tucks and rolls under! Suddenly, he rolls too far and lands in the water!)
Brick: (confessional) That did not work out the way I thought it would.
(Chef goes back into the kitchen to search for more campers. Then, he finds Courtney there!)
Chef: Busted!
Courtney: Uh oh.
Chef: Now just hold still! This won't take long!
(Before Chef could fire, Courtney kicks him in the kiwis!)
Courtney: HI-YA!
Chef: (in pain) AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Courtney: (confessional) Yes! Like a deer in the headlights!
Chef: (confessional/grabbing his groin) I'll take the rest in a doggy bag.
(Courtney bursts out of the mess hall and makes a run for it!)
Courtney: (to Chef) Ha! Who's your daddy? (Chef busts the door in and chases her! Lindsay and Sammy follow Chef! Courtney is about to touch the lifeguard chair when…BAM! Chef blasts her! She is covered in spaghetti!)
Courtney: NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Chef: (standing over her) Close, but no cigar!
Courtney: (confessional) Dammit! I'd rather be a hammer than a nail!
(Chef returns to the mess hall, in search of other campers. He looks behind things, under things, when he notices something coming from a barrel in the corner! He goes over to investigate, and he taps the barrel. Then, he kicks it over! Out pops Geoff!)
Geoff: Ouch!
Chef: You're done, son.
Geoff: (confessional) Crap! I thought I had him!
(Chef goes over to the dining area. He looks in the chimney and he spots a pair of boots dangling above! He opens fire and down came Jasmine! She lands hard on the firewood below!)
Jasmine: Ow! Ow! Ow! (Chef grins evilly as she is out. Jasmine is covered with black soot)
(Later, Chef and the other campers are wandering the island searching for the 5 remaining campers. Then, Chef spots something above in a tree. He shakes the tree! Sky pops out of the nest hole and down, down, down she fell!)
Sky: Ow! Ow! Ow!
Chef: (confessional) As you can see, I like to toy with my prey first.
Sky: (confessional) Fine, whatever.
(As Chef and the campers are searching the woods, Chef sees something that looks like a pair of eyes staring at him from a tree! Chef backs away!)
Chef: The tree…IT IS ALIVE!
(Sky approaches it and drags the being out)
Sky: No silly! It's just Alejandro!
Chef: Oh. In that case…(he blasts him with spaghetti!)
Alejandro: (angry) ¡Ay tú pedazo de carne con patas! ¿Cómo te atreves a hacerme esto!?
(Lindsay giggles)
Alejandro: (confessional) I thought for sure camouflage in the environment would work! GRRRR!
(Chef and his gang look around for more campers. Courtney points to a cave nearby.
Sky: Hmm…I wonder where Lightning is hiding.
Brick: He might be physically gifted, but he could never pull off such stealth. He's a few sockets short of a full set. (he and Sky chuckle)
(Chef goes in the cave and finds Lightning!)
Chef: Game, set, match.
Lightning: Oh no, ohhhhh no! Lightning ain't going down without a fight!
Chef: (evilly) Good! I could use a workout! (they charge towards each other and throw punches and kicks! Lightning flips in the air and dodges Chef's blast! He runs out of the cave!)
Lightning: Lightning got an A++! (before he can run away, Sky playfully trips him with her leg) Ahhh! (Thud)
Sky: (teasing) Or be flat on your a-s-s! (laughs)
Chef: And another one bites the dust! (Snickers evilly)
Lightning: NO! Cheated again! The gravy train has left the station!
(Later, Chef and the gang are searching in the spa hotel and coming up short. Just when Chef is about to give up, he hears heavy breathing above, and it sounds like Gwen!)
Courtney: Gwen? Is that you? (Gwen is hiding in the air vent, she doesn't make a sound)
Chef: Leave it to me. (he fires his spaghetti shots through the air vent! Gwen panics and she tries to escape, but it's too late! She gets blasted with spaghetti and falls out of the air vent!)
Gwen: Ahhhh! Ow! Okay! Okay! You found me!
Sky: I guess that's everyone.
Brick: What about Mal?
Chef: Mal? But I looked everywhere! (gasps) He must be underground!
Lindsay: Underground? Did he die?
Chef: No! He probably dug a hole! Everyone follow me! (he makes a run for it and the others follow him! He notices a giant hole big enough for Mal to fit in!) To the dock! (everyone follows Chef to the dock, and when he gets there, there was Mal!)
Mal: It's about time you got here. I was getting bored of your stupid game. But I win.
(everyone is nervous)
Chris: Alright campers, game over! Time to pick your favorite loser and send them home tonight!
(Later that afternoon, the campers chit chat about who to vote off)
Geoff: Okay Dudes, this might be our last chance to vote out Alejandro. It bites that Mal has invincibility, but El Scumbag needs to be brought to justice!
Brick: Affirmative.
Sky: Count me in!
Courtney: (to Gwen) I know we have a chance at voting out Alejandro, but I kinda feel tempted to vote for Lindsay.
Gwen: Why her? I admit, she's got nobody home upstairs, but she's not a "bad guy."
Courtney: True. But I'm kinda not over our rivalry from before.
Gwen: I thought you said you were.
Courtney: Maybe I need more time! Besides, she's a weakling. She shouldn't have even made it this far. Same for that new girl Sammy. She's as soft as a marshmallow.
(Alejandro comes over)
Alejandro: Señoritas, got a momento?
Gwen: What Al?
Alejandro: I say the one to go home tonight should be Lightning.
Courtney: And?
Alejandro: Think about it, he's more physically gifted than all of us combined. That in turn makes him the biggest threat other than Mal. Who sadly is immune.
Gwen: That is a good point.
Courtney: Hmm…I don't know…
Alejandro: I'll give you some time to think it over. (confessional) Dammit Mal! You may have won this battle, but I shall win the war! You can't stay invincible forever!
(Lindsay, Jasmine and Sammy are talking about who to vote off)
Jasmine: It stings to say it, but Mal is invincible. We have to vote out the next biggest threat.
Lindsay: I kinda want to vote for Courtney…
Sammy: I'm thinking Alejandro.
Jasmine: Either him or Lightning.
Lindsay: Lightning? But he's like, the cutest guy on the island! And he's super funny!
Jasmine: He only cares about himself and he's not the brightest bulb in the chandelier.
(Alejandro comes over)
Lindsay: Hi Jalapeño!
Alejandro: It's Alejandro. And don't forget it.
Lindsay: Ohhhhhhh!
Sammy: What do you want, Al?
Alejandro: (growls) Anyway, I should remind you that Lightning is the next biggest threat that's here. Since Mal isn't an option.
Jasmine: We were just discussing that.
Alejandro: Bueno. I'll let you ladies to decide for yourselves then. (confessional) Not the elimination I'm hoping for, but Adios Lightning!
Lightning: (confessional) Who is Lightning voting for? Hmm…maybe Alejandro! Yeah! But Mal has Lightning's invincibility! Who to choose…? Hmm…Lightning's gonna win!
(That night, the final 11 campers are at the elimination ceremony)
Chris: Welcome back to another night of tension and suspense as I send one of you home on the boat of losers. Mal, you have invincibility, so you get the first marshmallow.
Mal: (smug) An obvious result.
Chris: Uh…yeah. Also safe from elimination…Brick. (Sky smiles at him and Brick smiles back) Geoff. (he glares at Alejandro and Alejandro glares back) Gwen. Courtney. (they smile at each other) Sky. (Sky smiles) Jasmine. (Lindsay and Sammy smile at her, but are still worried) Samey. (Sammy smiles. Alejandro, Lightning and Lindsay are left) Now we're down to you 3. You each racked up quite a few votes. (Lindsay and Lightning gasp)
Lightning: Sha-what?!
Lindsay: Yeah! Sha-what?
(Alejandro and Courtney facepalm)
Chris: The next marshmallow goes to…(they wait anxiously) Lindsay.
Lindsay: YAY! (Courtney glares at her. Alejandro and Lightning are left)
Chris: The final marshmallow of the night goes to…(Alejandro and Lightning wait anxiously) Lightning.
Lightning: Sha-YES!
Geoff: (to Alejandro) HA! In your face, la cucaracha!
(Alejandro growls in angry defeat)
Geoff: (confessional) YES! Justice has been served at last! Bridgette, you would be so proud! I took down your nemesis!
Chris: Now, before we send Alejandro home, Mal, who's heading to Boney Island?
Mal: Gwen. (Gwen and Courtney gasp)
Gwen: (confessional/sarcastic) Perfect.
(Alejandro is on the boat of losers. As he is sailing away, he addresses everyone)
Alejandro: This show just got 100% less handsome! And I am not the real tyrant! For there is a much greater evil lurking within you! The truth is in the art! It's in the art! (he sails away beyond the horizon)
Chris: In the art, huh? What does he mean by that? I think I know the answer to that, but do the rest of them know? Find out for sure when the final 10 becomes 9! Right here on TOTAL! DRAMA! ALL-STARS!
(credits)
ELIMINATION ORDER
PRE-MERGE
24th: Sugar
23rd: Max
22nd: Jo
21st: Sierra
20th: Owen
19th: Cameron
18th: Heather
17th: Shawn
16th: Scarlett
POST-MERGE
15th: Zoey
14th: Duncan
13th: Scott
12th: Izzy
11th: Alejandro