Total Drama All-Stars Rewritten: Episode 20
RATED TV-14
This episode contains material that may be inappropriate for viewers under the age of 14. Viewer discretion is advised.
To the Mine!
(Recap)
Chris: Last time on Total Drama All-Stars, our campers played a brutal game of Chef Hatchet's hide and seek, where they either had to avoid being captured, or be turned into tomorrow's dinner! Heh heh heh! Some had weak hiding spots, while others won invincibility. (cough) Mal. (cough) Meanwhile, Alejandro hid a DVD of Mal's malice somewhere beyond camera range. What a handsome weasel! Heh heh heh! Geoff and Alejandro were going for the jugular in an attempt to vote each other off. Since Alejandro's target, Mal, was immune, he had limited options, which left him vulnerable to Geoff. And in the end, it was Alejandro who sailed away into the night, meaning Geoff did his girl proud after what Ale-jerko did to her in World Tour! But before he left, Alejandro did clue us in on who the real baddie is. We're down to 10 campers! Who will stick around to play another day? And who be next to crumble under the pressure and be sent home for good? Find out right here, right now! It's time for…TOTAL! DRAMA! ALL-STARS!
(Theme song)
Dear mom and dad, I'm doing fine
You guys are on my mind
You asked me what I wanted to be, now I think the answer is plain to see
I wanna be famous!
I wanna live close to the sun
Well pack your bags 'cause I've already won
Everything to prove nothing in my way
I'll get there one day
'Cause I wanna be famous!
Na, na, na-na-na-na, na-na-na, na, na-na-na-na
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!
(Whistling)
(Later that night In the spa hotel, Mal is trashing the place trying to find the DVD)
Mal: (angry) GRRRR! Where the hell is it?! Where did Alejandro hide that damn thing?! (confessional) Alejandro has incriminating footage of me on a DVD. And he hid it somewhere in the hotel. He said it was "in the art." But how can anyone tell which one has been tampered with when it's all so revolting? And now with Mike and his cronies on the loose in my head, getting to the finale will be a greater challenge than I thought.
(he goes to keep looking throughout the hotel)
(the next morning in the cabin, Lindsay wakes up with a start)
Lindsay: Oh my gosh! I had a weird dream last night!
Sammy: What was it about?
Jasmine: Let me guess, you went to an 80% off sale on lip gloss?
Lindsay: Aww, I wish! I dreamt I was in a big fight with a bear! What could it mean?
(little did she know, she ended up in Courtney's bed! Courtney is battered!)
Courtney: (angry) It means you're sleeping outside tonight, you nincompoop!
Lindsay: Courtney! Oh my gosh! What happened?
(Without another word, Courtney angrily kicks her out of the cabin)
Courtney: (confessional/angry) The audacity! The unmitigated gaul! Such a (censored)!
Lindsay: (confessional) How did Courtney end up in bed with me? I didn't mean it! Honest!
Jasmine: (confessional) I worry about that girl sometimes.
(Jasmine, Sky and Brick are out foraging while Geoff is lounging)
Geoff: (confessional) This is gnar-gnar dudes! With Alejandro gone, all I gotta do now is ride high and win this thing for Bridge! Only 9 spots to go! WOO!
Brick: (confessional) I really like my chances at winning. With Jo having been out of my hair since the beginning, this Sergeant can see the light at the end of the tunnel! (salutes) Fellow cadets, I will not let you down!
Sky: (confessional) I made it all the way to the finale last season. This year, I'm confident I can win back to back! WOO! Just gotta keep working hard and keep my eyes on the prize!
Jasmine: (confessional) Last year I was robbed at the hands of Sugar. She dropped a tree on me and ran away like a coward. No baby hippo is gonna stop me now!
(Brick, Sky and Jasmine are gathering fruit in their buckets. Lightning is out for a jog)
Lightning: Lightning going long! Sha-bam!
(Sky smiles and rolls her eyes)
Lightning: (confessional) Lightning in the top 10 baby! I'm going long! All the way back to the finals! Sha-done and done!
Sky: (from outside) Don't count on it! (laughs)
Lightning: Lightning ain't finished with you yet tiny girl!
Chris: (on the loudspeaker) Good day campers! Meet me in the mess hall in 10 minutes. It's time to start today's exciting adventure!
Lindsay: YAY! Adventure!
Jasmine: (groans dreadfully) Oh boy…here we go…
Courtney: (groans) Another day, another challenge.
Lindsay: (excited) Another day of fun!
Courtney: (to Jasmine) Remind me to hide all of her makeup when we get back.
(later, the final 10 campers meet Chris and Chef in the mess hall. Gwen returns from exile)
Courtney: Hey Gwen! How was exile?
Gwen: Not bad, actually. I couldn't bear sleeping on the ground with all those mutants running amuck. So I built a hammock in a tree. I used whatever I could find to build it and I slept in the canopy.
Courtney: Wow, clever! I'll admit, I probably would have done the same. Gwen: Yep, it's all about being able to adapt. Courtney: True that! (she and Gwen high five)
Sky: (to Chris) So, what are we doing today?
Sammy: Yeah, can it please be a challenge with no spicy spaghetti in our face?
Brick: I second that.
Lindsay: I actually thought it was kinda tasty.
Chris: I'll get to that in a second. Anywho, there are only 10 of you left on Total Drama All-Stars. And this time, no more campers from the peanut gallery are coming in to compete. We already met our quota on that.
Sammy: Don't look at me. I wasn't in charge of the second chance challenge.
Chris: Whatever. So, we're getting closer to the end! Sure, the team challenges got you this far, but those days are over. The only thing that matters now is what you do next. You have a choice. Go big or go home. Easy.
Lightning: Lightning's going big! Bigger than ever before! Sha-bam!
Sky: (teasing) Like your ego.
(Lightning growls and Sky playfully punches his shoulder and giggles)
Chris: (impatient) If I may continue…Today we're taking a bit of a field trip.
Lindsay: YIPPEE!
Gwen: (sarcastic) What is this? Grade 5 camping trip?
Chris: Not quite.
Chef: We're going somewhere special! Now, all your asses in the walk-in freezer! March 2 3 4! March 2 3 4! (he shoves everyone inside and closes the door)
Jasmine: Okay, what's the catch this time?
Lightning: Sha-meat! Lightning needs protein!
Sky: You gotta cook it first, baloney brain.
Lightning: Doesn't matter. Meat is meat! (he is gnawing on a chunk of frozen meat)
Brick: (looks at his surroundings) Uh oh…I've seen this before…
Sky: What is it?
Brick: This is no freezer! It's a truck!
Gwen: A truck? Uh oh…
(Chef is driving the campers across the island) Chef: (on the loudspeaker from the cab) That's right suckers! Today's challenge is a nod to the mine challenge from season 4.
(Brick turns white as a sheet)
Brick: (confessional) You may remember my fear of the dark. That's why soldiers wear night vision goggles at night.
(Chef dumps the campers out in front of the entrance to the abandoned mine, where Chris is waiting)
Chris: Welcome to the abandoned mine! (Brick, Jasmine and Gwen are scared)
Gwen: (confessional/scared) A mine?! No (censored) way! Absolutely not! I have claustrophobia! Remember? I may have conquered my fear of being buried alive, but I think now that phobia is coming back to haunt me…breathe Gwen! Breathe!
Jasmine: (confessional/scared) I can't go in that death trap! I'm claustrophobic!
Brick: (confessional/scared) Please tell me there's light sources in there! It's a mine! We need to see in the dark! Right?
Sky: Uh, is there a reason why the entrance is blocked off?
Brick: Chris made us do his dirty work by dumping bombs in there to get the government off his butt.
Chris: Way to put words in my mouth, soldier! Yeah, and they had to find statues of me inside and get them out. But…since the mine is still sealed shut, this kind of thing calls for an expert! (on cue, from a hovering helicopter, down comes another familiar face! It's Don!)
Don: Someone call an excavation expert? Don at your service! Here's my card. What can I do for you?
Chris: (reads Don's card) Hmm…I see. Anywho, the entryway to this mine behind me is impassable.
Chef: Yeah, plugged.
Don: And you want me to dig it out?
Chef: That'll do it.
Don: Okay, but first thing to do is, get rid of those kids. They're gumming up the project.
Chris: You idiot! They're part of the project!
Don: (examining the mine) Hmm…given the brittle state this mine is in, we'll need some hard digging, but we might hit some bedrock. That could cause a cave-in. Extremely dangerous. So first things first, it'll need planks for bracing. That's a big task, as it could take about 5 days to complete.
Chris: 5 DAYS?! But I need it done now! I got a challenge to put together in there, pal!
Don: Well, if you need it done that quick, we're gonna run into expenses.
Chris: Expenses? How much are we talking here?
Don: (writing in his notebook) Let's see…hourly wage plus cover materials plus overtime plus 10%.
(the campers are looking at each other in confusion. Some of them shrug)
Chris: So…in English, what would be your estimate?
Don: Sorry, can't give an estimate. That violates my contract.
Chris: Ughhhh! (censored)
Chef: Blast it all!
Don: Oooh, good call. We could whip up some TNT, that'll save precious time.
Chris: Okay then, what's the charge?
Don: The charge? I'm looking at maybe 8 tons of TNT.
Chris: What? No no no! The cost! The charge, as in money!
Don: (walks back to the helicopter) Sorry. No charge count. I work strictly cash.
Chris: (rolls eyes) Why am I not surprised?
Don: Look pal, I can't stand around lallygagging all day trying to accommodate your every need! I'm on a tight schedule! So I'm outta here! (the helicopter takes off and he shouts to them) IF YOU MAKE UP YOUR MIND, GIVE ME A CALL! YOU HAVE MY CARD!
Courtney: (impatient) Can someone PLEASE explain what's going on?!
Chris: (sighs) Look, the mine is sealed up from the mine challenge in season 4. We can't dig our way through, that'll take too long. Follow me to the back entrance.
(the campers follow him to the back entrance of the mine. Jasmine, Gwen and Brick are nervous)
Gwen: So…we're still going inside?
Chris: Yep!
Jasmine: (scared) Sure…great.
(Sammy is worried for her friend)
(Brick gulps nervously)
Sky: (holds Brick's hand) It'll be okay. I'm here for you.
Brick: (nervous) I appreciate it, battle buddy. (Sky smiles at him. Brick is still scared)
Chris: Now, there's something hidden inside the mine that you'll need to find and bring back out here to me.
Brick: Beg pardon sir, but how is there something hidden inside when it was sealed up from last time?
Chris: Good question Brick. How did it get there? So, your mission is to make your way into the mine, get it, and bring it back here. First player to present it to me wins invincibility.
Jasmine: (scared) Please tell me it's lit in there?
Chris: Nope, pitch black. But there are flashlights inside. They'll help you see in the dark.
(Gwen, Jasmine and Brick are scared. Their friends comfort them)
Geoff: Sheesh, mega creepy!
Lindsay: I know, right!
(Jasmine is trembling with fear)
Sammy: Jasmine? Are you okay?
Jasmine: I'm okay! Just have an issue with confined spaces!
Sammy: (holds Jasmine's hand) It's okay, I'm here. There's no shame in acknowledging your irrational fears. (Jasmine smiles a little)
(Gwen is also trembling with fear)
Courtney: Gwen? What's wrong?
Gwen: (scared) I can't go in there! Remember season 1? I was buried alive on the beach!
Courtney: I thought you got over your fear?
Gwen: I did, but SOMEONE (glares at Chris) buried me again and left me there! (Chris whistles innocently) You asshole! I could have been dead! I could have DIED!
Courtney: (holds Gwen's hand) Calm down. We'll go together. (Gwen smiles at her best friend)
(Brick is also scared)
Sky: Brick?
Brick: Okay, I admit it. I'm afraid of the dark.
Sky: (hugs him) Aw, it's okay. It's nothing to be ashamed of. How about we go together, huh? Battle buddies?
Brick: Right. Battle buddies.
Lightning: Ain't nobody gonna slow Lightning down!
Mal: Now this would make the perfect evil lair.
Geoff: What are we waiting for dudes? Let's go!
Chris: Yeah, what he said! In you go!
(they enter the back entrance of the mine, and they notice there are 3 different tunnels in front of them, along with 10 flashlights, 1 for each person)
Lindsay: Uh, which way do we go?
Geoff: We'll split up and go in different directions. We'll cover more ground.
Jasmine: (scared) Uh, right! What a plan!
Sky: Everyone have a flashlight? (they all nod yes) Good!
Geoff: And break! (he goes through the left tunnel)
Lightning: Hmm, think Lightning, think! Which way?
Lindsay: Ooooh! Ooooh! I know!
Lightning: What you got, girl?
Lindsay: North is nice, but East is least, West is best!
Lightning: Sha-what?!
Lindsay: (giggles) We go west, silly! Come on! (she and Lightning go through the left tunnel)
Mal: Later, peons. (he snickers evilly as he disappears into the middle tunnel)
Courtney: (licks her finger to find air flow) Hmm…I'm picking up something from the tunnel on the right. It is wider than the other ones.
Gwen: (scared) Uh…sure…right…great.
Courtney: (rubs Gwen's shoulders) Try to relax. You're okay. (she holds Gwen's hand as they take the right tunnel)
Sammy: Which way Jasmine?
Jasmine: (scared) Huh? Oh, uh…this one! (she points to the one on the right) We go this way! (Sammy holds Jasmine's hand as they enter the tunnel)
Brick: Hmm…
Sky: Which one, battle buddy?
Brick: Hmm…if I remember right from the mine challenge before, my team took that tunnel there. (points to the tunnel on the left)
Sky: So we take that one! Come on! (Sky takes Brick's hand and they enter the tunnel)
(later, the campers are traveling through the dark bowels of the mine, with their flashlights lighting the way. Suddenly, Courtney and Gwen hear a terrible growl! It echoed everywhere!)
Gwen: (scared) What was that?
Courtney: (nervous) I don't know, but I think we're not alone…
(as they keep their guard up, the growling gets closer and closer! Suddenly, ROOOOOAAAAAAARRRRRRR! A mutant gopher appears behind them!)
Gwen and Courtney: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (they make a run for it! The gopher chases them!)
(in the confessional, Gwen is trembling with fear!)
(in the other tunnels, Courtney and Gwen's screaming can be heard by the others!)
Lindsay: That sounds like Courtney and Gwen!
Lightning: Big deal. Let them try and catch up! Lightning's got loot to find!
Lindsay: But…what if the monster finds us too?
Lightning: Then Lightning will put his lights out! Sha-bam!
(a mutant gopher appears in front of them!)
Lindsay: Awww! Look! It's a giant gopher! So cute! (the gopher roars loudly!) I take back my cute remark!
Lightning: Watch yourself girly! Alright buck tooth! Time to get struck by Lightning! Sha…BAM! (he punches it in the nose and it scurries off!) Ha! Out with the trash!
Lindsay: (confessional) OMG, he saved me from the jaws of death! My hero!
Lightning: (confessional) Lightning don't date nobody! Only thing Lightning needs is his million! Ahh…sha-licious!
(Sammy and Jasmine are traveling together. Jasmine is scared. Suddenly, a mutant gopher appears in front of them!)
Sammy: AAAAHHHHHHHHH! What is that thing?!
Jasmine: It's a giant mutant gopher! (she punches it in the nose and it scurries away) Phew.
Sammy: Phew!
Jasmine: I think he's gone now. Stay close. (they move on)
Sammy: (confessional) I got a feeling this abandoned mine isn't so abandoned after all. And that it's not entirely safe.
(Brick and Sky are traveling together. Brick is nervous and Sky is holding his hand to keep him calm)
Sky: You can do this, Brick! I know you can! You're strong and smart and a natural leader!
Brick: (nervous) You're right. I'm bigger…than the dark…I'm better…than the dark…
Sky: (smiles) That's it! Deep breaths! You're okay!
(suddenly, a mutant gopher appears behind them! It roars loudly!)
Sky: AAAHHHHHHH! Run Brick, run!
Brick: Halt! I know how to eradicate these foes! Watch this! (he takes his boot off and holds it in front of the gopher's nose! It panics and scurries away!) That's right! The smell of war has returned! (laughs smugly)
Sky: Wow! (holds her nose) P.U! Who knew having smelly feet would help fend off an attacker? (they laugh)
Brick: (confessional) I used that trick last time. My foot odor is my secret weapon.
Sky: (confessional) He saved me! (sighs dreamily) My hero. (snaps out of it) Huh? Oh, right. Nothing can stop the duo of Brick and Sky! WOO HOO!
(Geoff is traveling alone. He is nervous)
Geoff: (confessional/shudders) I got goosebumps walking through those tunnels yo! It was like that time when we all had to face that psycho killer dude!
(suddenly, a mutant gopher appears!)
Geoff: Hey dude! You seen a hidden gem around here?
(the gopher roars at him!)
Geoff: AHHHHH AAAAHHHHH AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! (he runs away with the gopher chasing him!)
(Mal is traveling alone. He is not scared at all)
Mal: An abandoned mine. Hmph. Child's play. (he encounters a mutant gopher too! It roars in his face!) Shoo, rat! (the gopher is scared and backs away nervously) Scram! (The gopher runs away) You'll have to do better than that, Chris!
Chris: (confessional/annoyed) I'm just gonna pretend he didn't say that…
Chef: (annoyed) Mhm.
Chris: We'll be right back.
(Commercial break)
(Geoff makes it out of the tunnel and finds a bunch of mine carts)
Geoff: Mine carts! Righteous! All aboard the bro train! TOOT TOOT!
(Gwen and Courtney make it out of their tunnel and catch up to Geoff)
Gwen: Geoff!
Courtney: Are we glad to see you and not another giant rodent!
Geoff: Tell me about it! Check it out! Time to ride the rails!
Gwen: (nervous) Sure…
Geoff: Hop in!
(Geoff, Courtney and Gwen hop in 2 mine carts and they ride the rails!)
Geoff: WOO HOO! Gnarly ride yo!
Gwen: Uh oh…Switch dead ahead! (As they approach the switch track, the carts separate! Geoff goes one way while Courtney and Gwen go a different way! They disappear into the dark depths of the mine shaft below!)
Courtney and Gwen: AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (they plummet down a drop and go faster and faster!)
Courtney: Duck!
Gwen: Huh? (she hits her head on a mine lamp above her) OW! (they round bends, plummet down more drops, until they see the track ahead is broken!)
Courtney: The track! It's gone!
(Gwen and Courtney hold onto each other as they are sent flying off the track!)
Courtney and Gwen: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (SPLASH! They land in the water!)
Courtney: Gwen! Are you okay?
Gwen: (trembling with fear) We are NOT doing that again!
Courtney: Amen sister. (she holds Gwen to calm her down)
(Meanwhile, Geoff's mine cart is going down a steep drop! Geoff holds onto his hat)
Geoff: AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (suddenly, CRASH! His mine cart slams into a boulder) Whoa…now what? My ride's toast! (he sees a sign with arrows pointing to another tunnel) This must be the way to go! Sweet! (he goes into the tunnel, and mist starts to rise all around him, making it harder to see what's in front of him, even with his flashlight)
Geoff: (confessional) It's cool. Mist is just water vapor! Pffft! What's so spooky about that?
(Sammy and Jasmine make it out of their tunnel and spot the mine carts)
Sammy: Looks like there's only one way to go.
Jasmine: (nervous) Uh…right! Mine carts it is! How bad could it be? (they hop in and get rolling!)
Sammy: This is awesome!
Jasmine: Not for long! (she points ahead and there's broken track!)
Sammy: Uh oh! (before they roll off the broken track, they come to a stop)
Both: Phew. (then, they start to roll backwards!)
Sammy: Oh no! Oh no! AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Jasmine: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
(they too round bends and go down drops, backwards! Suddenly, CRASH!)
Chris: (intercom) That's a fender bender! Heh heh heh!
Jasmine: Samey! Are you okay?
Sammy: (dizzy) I'm…I'm…(she pukes)
Jasmine: Yuck. Come on, let's go. (they proceed through the dark tunnels)
(Lindsay and Lightning find the mine carts too)
Lindsay: Yay! A roller coaster ride!
Lightning: Time to go pedal to the metal! Sha-bam! (they hop in and get rolling!)
Lindsay: WEEEEEE! This is fun!
(they come to a switch in the track, which takes them down a dark tunnel! Suddenly, they hear what sounds like a train horn! They see a bright light on the track ahead, heading straight towards them!)
Lindsay: Is that a train?
Lightning: It can't be! There's no way it would…(at the last second, Lindsay and Lightning switch to the other line! It is a real freight train!) ACTUAL TRAIN!
Lindsay: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!
(suddenly, a shadowy figure appears on their mine cart! It's Ezekiel! He is hissing and growling!)
Lindsay: Holy crap! A very ugly thing!
Lightning: Back off, sick freak! (Ezekiel is about to attack when BAM! He gets hit by a support plank above! Lindsay and Lightning go faster and faster! Suddenly, the track goes in loop-de-loops!)
Lindsay: (confessional) Loop de loops? This may be the most insane ride I've ever been on!
Lightning: Getting dizzy!
(they make it past the loop de loops and then, CRASH!)
Chris: (intercom) That's a fender bender! Heh heh heh!
Lindsay: Ow! I broke a nail!
Lightning: Lightning can't feel his brain! Oh wait, there it is. (Lindsay giggles)
(Meanwhile, Brick and Sky make it out of the tunnel they went into and find another tunnel. It has a sign above it that says "DANGER!" and has a skull and crossbones)
Sky: (shines her light in the tunnel and shudders) Man…it's like an endless black hole to nowhere!
Brick: (scared) Please tell me there's an alternate route?! Please! I beg you!
Sky: (holds Brick's hands) Hey! Deep breaths. I'm here. We're in this together. Never leave a man behind. (Brick smiles a little and Sky smiles back)
Brick: (confessional) I couldn't have asked for a better battle buddy.
Sky: (confessional) So what Brick's scared of the dark! We're all afraid of something! We're not perfect. It's what makes us human. Besides, with our impeccable skills in hand to hand combat, we can annihilate anything that tries to rip us to pieces!
Brick: (nervous) Affirmative. Strength in numbers. Never leave a man behind!
Sky: That's right! (she gives him a hug) Now come on! (they enter the dangerous tunnel)
(Mal makes it out of his tunnel)
Mal: (bored) I could easily turn this dump into a kid's camp. Look at it! It's tame! (snickers evilly)
Chris: (in the booth) He has no taste!
Chef: I'll say.
(before Mal can do anything else, a shadowy figure snatches him!)
Mal: What the hell?!
(Mal blacks out and then he wakes up afterwards. He observes his surroundings)
Mal: Where am I? (he is in the mutant gophers' lair! With Ezekiel leading the charge!) Oh, it's you. Still feral, I see. And how cute. You have pets. (snickers evilly) That gives me an idea. Are you up for a little sabotage? (Ezekiel nods) Excellent. Together, you and I will do very bad things. (confessional) This could be my ticket to make sure those other morons don't win. I need to get back into the spa hotel to find the (censored) DVD Alejandro hid!
(As Brick and Sky are walking through the danger tunnel, they hear a loud roar!)
Sky: What was that?
Brick: Mutant gophers! Good thing we have the secret weapon.
Sky: Yep! Your smelly feet! (they laugh)
(they hear the roar again! Brick takes his boot off)
Brick: Halt! Stay back, fiend! Wherever you are! I have boot power and I'm not afraid to use it!
Sky: Yeah! Don't mess with the great and powerful Brick! Show yourself!
(a mutant gopher appears in front of them! It roars at them!)
Brick: (smug) How's leather taste? Ha ha ha! (the gopher runs away from the stench and Brick puts his boot back on)
Sky: Okay, let's keep moving. (suddenly, they find a human skeleton! Brick nearly jumps!)
Brick: Somebody must have died in here!
Sky: (examining the bones) Yeah! Poor fella.
(Brick salutes the fallen corpse. Sky salutes too and smiles at him)
(Geoff is traveling through the misty tunnel. The mist starts to get thicker and turns to fog)
Geoff: I can't see a thing yo! Where's all this mist coming from anyway?
(suddenly, he hears a loud roar from behind him! It's a mutant gopher! It is close enough for Geoff to see with his flashlight!)
Geoff: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! How many of you are there?! (he runs forward and the gopher chases him!)
(Lightning and Lindsay have wandered away from their crash site)
Lindsay: I hope we find whatever it is we're looking for soon! This place is spooky!
Lightning: Yeah! Lightning could use his refreshments about now! (suddenly, they hear a loud roar!)
Lindsay: Uh oh! I don't like the sound of that!
(right then, giant hands grab them from below! It's the mutant gophers! They drag them underground! Lindsay and Lightning are taken to the gophers' lair!)
Mal: Now you know how it feels to stare death in the face, you pathetic peons!
Lindsay: Don't let these rats eat us! Please! I want to live!
Lightning: Yeah! I've never kissed a Super Bowl ring!
Mal: A ring? Seriously? Zeke, if you please?
(Ezekiel advances toward Lightning and Lindsay, about to attack! When suddenly…)
Brick: HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! (Brick and Sky jump in and defend Lindsay and Lightning!)
Mal: What? How did you get here?
Sky: (smug) Oh, we followed the sounds of your steroided up rats here! And who the hell is that? (referring to Ezekiel)
Brick: You don't wanna know. (he takes his boots off and throws them in the middle of the cave. The mutant gophers smell the bad odor and they scatter and panic!)
Lindsay: OMG! How did you do that?
Sky: His boots smell bad, and so the gophers don't like the stench! Isn't that funny?
Lindsay: Yeah! (laughs) P.U! You're not kidding! (holds her nose)
Mal: Impossible! You may have bested my new guards, but you'll never stop me from winning this challenge!
Lightning: Oh yeah? Lightning is gonna kick your scrawny ass!
(Then, Courtney, Gwen, Sammy, Jasmine, and Geoff all make it out of the tunnels whence they came and all drop into the gophers' lair! They see the commotion going on)
Gwen: Holy crap! What's going on?
Courtney: I don't think we have time to find out! Come on, let's move!
Geoff: Hold it! What exactly are we looking for?
Lindsay: How about those shiny things over there? (she points to a hole in the wall above, filled with golden nuggets!)
Sky: Gold! Lindsay, you're a genius!
Lindsay: (bashful) Me? Awww! (giggles)
Brick: Sky! I'll hold them off! You get the gold!
Sky: Right! (she springs into action and leaps over the gophers!)
Lightning: Not if the Lightning has something to say about it! Move over, tiny girl! The gold is mine!
Sky: I don't think so, football head!
Courtney: Gwen! The gold! Come on! (Gwen follows Courtney, but the gophers block their way! Brick tries to fend them off with his smelly boots)
Jasmine: How these giant rodents got to be like this, I'll never know!
Gwen: It's probably all that chemical waste exposure!
Sammy: Yuck!
Geoff: No wonder they're so big and naked and blind!
(Jasmine and Brick are trying to fight off the gophers, while Lightning, Sky and now Mal are going for the gold!)
Mal: I'll take that, thank you!
Lightning: Lightning's got it!
(Sky tramples over both of them and grabs the gold)
Sky: (teasing) Whoopsie! (giggles)
Gwen: Way to go Sky!
Jasmine: Nice going!
Brick: (salutes) Outstanding, battle buddy!
(Suddenly, loud sirens blare inside and outside the mine! The mine is rumbling! A countdown appears and has been set for 2 minutes! Chris and Chef are waiting outside and can hear the sirens!)
Chef: Uh oh! What's going on?
Chris: I don't know! Let me see! (he pulls up a monitor and shows the contestants inside the mine, and the mine is rumbling! Everyone is scared!)
Lindsay: Oh no! What's happening?
Gwen: (panicking) No! No no no no! I don't want to die! I DON'T WANT TO DIE!
Jasmine: (panicking) I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!
Brick: (panicking) AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Lindsay: (cries) GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD! (cries hysterically)
(suddenly, Chris comes onto the monitor inside and addresses them urgently)
Chris: (on the monitor/scared) GET OUT OF THERE FAST! THE MINE IS COLLAPSING! (the monitor switches off abruptly! Gwen, Jasmine and Brick are terrified! They scatter and panic!)
Courtney: Quick! To the mine carts!
(everyone hops in the mine carts on the rails! Brick and Lightning give them a good push!)
Lightning: Now we're moving!
Jasmine: (scared) Good! I can't stand being in crammed confined spaces any longer!
Gwen: (scared) Me neither! Especially after being buried alive by Chris! Twice!
(Outside, Chris and Chef are scared!)
Chris: (gasps) We gotta get them outta there! NOW! Simple formula! No more contestants equals no more episodes equals thousands of angry lawsuits! AND me rotting in prison forever!
Chef: (scared) What do we do? 911?
Chris: Better get them on speed dial! Quickly! (he tries to get the monitors working again and he sees the contestants rolling on the rails as fast as they can! As the campers ride the mine carts to escape, they derail off the track and CRASH!)
Geoff: Not our ride!
Courtney: (points to the daylight) There! Quickly everyone! Head for the exit! (everyone makes a run for it!)
Chris: (scared) HURRY! (suddenly, KA-BOOM! The whole mine collapses! A huge cloud of dust and dirt filled the air outside! Chris is more scared than ever!)
Chris: (scared) AAHHHHHHH! WHERE ARE THEY?! (he tries contacting the contestants) Guys? GUYS? CAN YOU HEAR ME?! (Chris's monitor goes offline!)
Chris: (mortified) THEY'RE GONE! NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (he cries hysterically! But little does he know, the campers made it out of the mine just in time before it collapsed! On the other side where the campers got out, Sky and Brick are making sure everyone is accounted for)
Brick: Is everyone okay?
(Gwen and Jasmine are curled up in the fetal position, trembling with fear)
Lindsay: That was so scary! I'm never going in there again! Gwen: (trembling) Me neither! I could have had a heart attack!
Geoff: We won't have to, the mine is a goner!
Brick: Let's get a head count!
Sky: Right! Brick?
Brick: Here!
Sky: Courtney?
Courtney: Here!
Sky: Gwen?
Gwen: (fetal position) Here!
Sky: Jasmine?
Jasmine: (fetal position) Here!
Sky: Lightning?
Lightning: Here!
Sky: Lindsay?
Lindsay: Here!
Sky: Mal?
Mal: Here.
Sky: Sammy?
Sammy: Here!
Sky: Geoff?
Geoff: Here!
Sky: Phew! Everyone made it! What a relief!
(suddenly, Chris hears their voices)
Chris: Guys? GUYS! YOU'RE ALIVE! YOU'RE ALIVE! Are you all okay?
Brick: (salutes) Yes sir, we're all here.
Sky: Yes, all 10 of us accounted for.
Chris: (relieved) Phew! I am so glad you all made it! You have no idea how happy I am to see you guys! In the flesh!
Courtney: (confessional) That's a first.
Chris: Anywho, as the first one to grab the golden nugget, Sky wins invincibility!
Sky: WOO HOO!
Chris: Now, it's time to send one of you home and we put the mine behind us for good!
Everyone: (groans dreadfully) YESSSSSS.
(that night, everyone is at the elimination ceremony. Courtney, Mal, Sky, Lindsay, Lightning, Sammy, and Geoff are safe. Brick, Gwen and Jasmine are left)
Chris: This was quite an eventful day, wasn't it? But in the end, Sky is the winner of today's challenge.
Courtney: Question. What happened to Ezekiel?
Chris: Unfortunately, he didn't make it out of the mine before it collapsed. (everyone is stunned) Gotcha, didn't I? No worries. Ezekiel went out a different way. Chef took him to a local medical facility for the most advanced treatment of his feral state.
Lindsay: So he won't be a freaky green monster anymore?
Chris: Yep! Back to the awkward, annoying, homeschool guy we knew and loved. Or…just knew.
Brick: (salutes) Permission to ask a question sir! What about Boney Island exile?
Chris: Negatory, soldier. From here onward, there will be no more exiles to Boney Island. (Everyone cheers. Chris turns to Gwen, Brick and Jasmine) Now, there's only 2 marshmallows left on this plate. (Courtney, Sky and Sammy are worried for their best friends) The 3 of you really had a hard time in today's challenge. One of you will be going home tonight, and cannot return to camp. EVER. The next marshmallow goes to… (Gwen, Brick and Jasmine wait anxiously) Jasmine.
Jasmine: Phew.
Sammy: Phew.
(Brick and Gwen are left)
Chris: The final marshmallow of the night goes to… (Brick and Gwen are anxious, as are Courtney and Sky) Brick.
(Gwen and Courtney are in complete shock!)
Brick: (salutes to Gwen) So sorry you lost. You played your game to the fullest.
Courtney: (runs over to Gwen and hugs her) NOOOOOOOOOO! Gwen! Why?!
Gwen: (hugs Courtney) Yeah! Why me?! (Mal grins evilly)
Courtney: (sad) This is so unfair! My best friends keep leaving me! First Duncan, then Scott, and now Gwen!
Gwen: (holds Courtney's shoulders) Courtney, listen to me! You can do this! I know you can! You're strong and tough as titanium! You're the best friend I ever had! I want you to carry on our legacy! (tearing up) For us! Courtney: (tearing up) I will!
(Courtney and Gwen hug each other one last time and cry)
Sky: (confessional) Aww, poor Gwen! At least her friendship with Courtney is still strong.
Lindsay: (confessional) That's so sad! Poor Gwen!
(Gwen is on the boat of losers, saying goodbye to Courtney one last time)
Gwen: (shouts to Courtney) GOOD LUCK COURTNEY! WE'LL SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN! I PROMISE!
Courtney: (shouts back to Gwen) I KNOW! BYE! (she drops to her knees in complete sadness)
Chris: Well, glad to see your friendship is intact. Anywho, Sky, the spa hotel is yours.
Sky: Thanks! (to Courtney) I'm sorry Courtney. Things will get better.
Courtney: (sad) Thanks.
(Mal glares evilly at Sky)
Mal: (confessional) How am I supposed to get the DVD now?! (growls) I must win the next challenge so I can find that DVD and destroy it!
Chris: And with that, Gwen is gone! Only 9 campers are left! How will Courtney carry on without her BFF? What lies in store for Sky and Brick as they go into battle together? Can Mal find the evidence against him? Will Ezekiel be the same like he was before? What thrill seeking challenges lie ahead? Find out next time on…TOTAL! DRAMA! ALL-STARS!
(credits)
ELIMINATION ORDER
PRE-MERGE
24th: Sugar
23rd: Max
22nd: Jo
21st: Sierra
20th: Owen
19th: Cameron
18th: Heather
17th: Shawn
16th: Scarlett
POST-MERGE
15th: Zoey
14th: Duncan
13th: Scott
12th: Izzy
11th: Alejandro
10th: Gwen