Total Drama All-Stars Rewritten: Episode 21
RATED TV-14
This episode contains material that may be inappropriate for viewers under the age of 14. Viewer discretion is advised.
The Wawanakwa Chainsaw Massacre
(Recap)
Chris: Last time on Total Drama All-Stars, the campers went on an underground adventure in the pitch black depths of the abandoned mine. While some had a hard time facing their fears, others were able to persevere and retrieve the golden nugget hidden inside. Mal made a new friend and led a new army, but that didn't last. The last few minutes were completely terrifying, even for me! The mine completely collapsed and is no more! For good this time! In the end, it was Sky who struck the gold. Ezekiel was taken to a medical facility to be treated for his feral state. And sadly, it was Gwen who had to say goodbye one last time. That leaves Courtney all on her own, without any of her closest friends to ride with till the end. Only 9 campers are left, who will be the next unlucky camper to head for home? Will Mal get his hands on the hidden truth about himself? How will Courtney prevail without her BFF Gwen? What will be in store for our campers this week on the most dramatic campfire ceremony ever? Find out tonight on an all-new TOTAL! DRAMA! ALL-STARS!
(Theme song)
Dear mom and dad, I'm doing fine
You guys are on my mind
You asked me what I wanted to be, now I think the answer is plain to see
I wanna be famous!
I wanna live close to the sun
Well pack your bags 'cause I've already won
Everything to prove nothing in my way
I'll get there one day
'Cause I wanna be famous!
Na, na, na-na-na-na, na-na-na, na, na-na-na-na
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!
(Whistling)
(Later that night, Courtney is still at the dock of shame, mourning the elimination of her best friend Gwen. She is crying)
Sky: Aw, Courtney. It'll be okay. I miss Gwen too. But she would want you to keep going.
Courtney: (crying) I know. I just miss her so much already!
Sky: (comforting) I know. Come on, let's relax by the fire.
Courtney: (stops crying/still sad) Okay. (They join the others by the fire. Mal is nowhere to be seen)
Geoff: Looks like Courtney's taking Gwen being voted off pretty hard.
Sky: Yeah. Poor thing.
Courtney: (sad) Thanks guys. This is just really hard for me right now. (sighs sadly)
Sammy: (confessional) Poor Courtney! Gwen was her bestie! Now who's going to be by her side?
Courtney: (confessional/sad) First my best ex, then my new boyfriend, and now my best friend ever! What else could go wrong? Gwen, Scott, Duncan, if you're watching, I want you to know that I miss you so much! I'll never forget the memories we made together! Let's all hook up after the show is over! On a double date! It'll be my treat to all of you if I win! I will avenge you my friends! I will! (she is still sad)
(Sky and Sammy are comforting Courtney. Lindsay wants to say something too, but she's worried)
Lindsay: (confessional) I feel so bad for Courtney! Gwen is my friend too! But she's kicking me out of the cabin tonight for what happened last night!
(flashback)
(Lindsay wakes up with a start)
Lindsay: Oh my gosh! I had a weird dream last night!
Sammy: What was it about?
Jasmine: Let me guess, you went to an 80% off sale on lip gloss?
Lindsay: Aww, I wish! I dreamt I was in a big fight with a bear! What could it mean?
(little did she know, she ended up in Courtney's bed! Courtney is battered!)
Courtney: (angry) It means you're sleeping outside tonight, you nincompoop!
Lindsay: Courtney! Oh my gosh! What happened?
(Courtney angrily kicks her out of the cabin)
(end of flashback)
Lindsay: (confessional) She might never forgive me for that! What do I do?
(Shortly after, the campers head back to the cabin to go to bed. Sky goes to the spa hotel)
Sky: Goodnight Courtney. Everything will be okay.
Courtney: Thanks. (then, she locks Lindsay out!) Oh no, uh-uh! You're not getting in bed with me again tonight! Not after last night!
Lindsay: I said I was sorry! You can't kick me out here like I'm some kind of animal!
(Courtney glares menacingly at her)
Courtney: (threatening) I dislike you with great intensity. (she slams the door behind her and locks it!)
Sammy: (to Courtney) I'm sure she didn't mean it! Please let her in?
Courtney: Hell no! She's staying outside tonight!
(Lindsay sighs sadly. So does Sammy. In the spa hotel, Sky is looking around the rooms, remembering what Alejandro said)
Sky: (confessional) Hmm…in the art, he said. I wonder which portrait Alejandro hid the truth he speaks of.
(after searching the hotel for a while, Sky gets tired)
Sky: (yawns) I think that's enough looking around for one night. Time for bed. (she gets under her covers and closes her eyes. But not for long! Suddenly, an emergency alert breaks the peaceful silence on the island! It's coming from the loudspeaker! Everyone is shocked!)
(SCREECH! SCREECH! SCREECH! BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!)
Lindsay: (scared) What's going on?
Loudspeaker: WARNING. THIS IS NOT A TEST.
Geoff: (scared) What is that awful sound?
Lightning: (covering his ears) Ahhh! My ears!
Courtney: That better not be Chris! I swear! (she is still worried though)
Loudspeaker: THIS MESSAGE IS BEING BROADCAST AT THE REQUEST OF THE ROYAL CANADIAN MOUNTED POLICE. AT 11:45 PM EASTERN STANDARD TIME, RESIDENTS OF CAMP WAWANAKWA, MUSKOKA, ONTARIO HAVE REPORTED SEEING A DANGEROUS INDIVIDUAL ROAMING THE ISLAND. THIS INDIVIDUAL IS ARMED WITH A CHAINSAW AND IS CONSIDERED TO BE EXTREMELY DANGEROUS. YOU ARE ADVISED TO SEEK SHELTER AND BAR YOUR WINDOWS AND DOORS IMMEDIATELY. THE BROADCAST WILL QUIET AT THIS TIME FOR YOUR SAFETY. PLEASE STAND BY FOR FURTHER INFORMATION.
(everyone panics and rushes to lock the doors and seal the windows of their cabins! Lindsay is still locked out!)
Lindsay: (panicking) LET ME IN! IT'S ME, LINDSAY! OPEN THE DOOR! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (in a flash, Sammy let Lindsay into the cabin!)
Sammy: Phew!
Lindsay: Phew!
Sammy: Are you okay Lindsay?
Lindsay: I am now! That was totally scary! What do we do?
Courtney: Stay in here and hide! That's what! And cut the lights!
(Jasmine makes sure the doors and windows are shut and locked, then she cuts the lights!)
Courtney: Good! Now we hide! (the girls find a place to hide in the cabin)
(On the guys' side of the cabin, Geoff, Brick and Lightning are doing the same thing! Locking the doors and sealing the windows! But no sign of Mal!)
Brick: All doors and windows are locked!
Lightning: This ain't right! Lightning's too young to die!
Geoff: Me too dude! I don't know what I'd do if I can't see Bridge again! Hey, where's Mal?
Mal: (confessional) A killer is on the loose? Child's play. I can eradicate that scumbag before he can lay a finger on me. Just you see.
(in Mike's subconscious, Mike and his personalities are still traveling along the barren brainy landscape)
Chester: How much longer until we get there?
Manitoba: Not too long now. Just a few more miles to go.
Mike: Thank heavens!
Manitoba: Since Alejandro is gone, it's now up to us to beat Mal.
Vito: I'm ready to crush that goomba!
Mike: We all are, Vito.
Svetlana: I want to twirl him around so fast he'll barf!
(once they reach Mal's HQ, they find it is barricaded by barbed wire! There are security cameras at the entryway, and is being guarded by Doberman Pinscher guard dogs!)
Mike: Uh, guys? We got a code red! Look! (points at all the hazards surrounding the tower)
Chester: Uh oh, this is gonna be a bloodbath.
Manitoba: We need to create a disturbance so we can get inside.
Chester: How are we supposed to do that?
Manitoba: We'll have to distract the dogs somehow.
Mike: And, take out those cameras.
(they all huddle)
Manitoba: So here's what we're gonna do…
(Back on the island, everyone is crammed inside their cabins, with the lights off and hiding)
Sky: (confessional) I'm really freaking out right now! Is there really a serial killer on the loose?! Or is it just a trick? Either way, I have to stay on my toes tonight if I want to keep my hide on my body! I hope Brick is doing alright!
Brick: (confessional) Back in cadets, we are trained to fight the biggest and baddest adversaries around! But this is no joke! An armed killer on the run? Nothing is more critical than that!
Courtney: (confessional) I don't know if this real or a challenge, but I'm not about to be torn limb from limb by a deranged lunatic armed or not! There's 3 strategies to safely make it out of a dangerous encounter with an intruder. Run, hide, or fight. And where the hell is Chris?! If this is some wacked-out prank of his, I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind!
(on the girl's side of the cabin, the girls are crammed into a closet with the door locked and the lights off)
Lindsay: I really don't like the dark!
Sammy: Neither do I! But it's safer than being out there! It's a hornets' nest of trouble!
Jasmine: It doesn't matter if this is real or a hoax. We need a plan!
Courtney: Jasmine's right!
(On the guy's side of the cabin, they too have the doors and windows locked and the lights off)
Geoff: Brick, I know you're scared of the dark dude, but we can't let the killer find us!
Brick: Affirmative! Which is why I have a game plan to keep us safe!
(Simultaneously)
Jasmine: Rule number 1…
Brick: Do NOT leave the cabin!
Courtney: Rule number 2, if you do leave the cabin…
Brick: NEVER go off alone! Rule number 3…
Courtney: If you do go off alone…
Jasmine: Stay out of the woods!
Brick: Rule number 4, if you do go in the woods…
Jasmine: You better be prepared to fight, otherwise…
All 3: YOU WILL DIE!
(Lindsay and Sammy gulp with fear. So does Lightning and Geoff)
(In the booth, Chris is watching)
Chris: (to the audience) Yep, you guessed it! Tonight is paying homage to the Psycho Killer challenge from season 1! With a little bit of the horror fest from season 2 and the Jack the Ripper manhunt from season 3. With the return of…the Escaped Psycho Killer with the chainsaw…and a HOOK! We'll see who's brave enough to face the killer head on, and who showed less courage and cried uncle! Right after this.
(Commercial break)
(Meanwhile, Mal is walking in the woods alone)
Mal: (mocking) Ooooh, a serial killer. Armed with a chainsaw. I'm so scared! He wouldn't dare provoke me. (Unknown to him, there is someone watching him in the trees, breathing heavily. Mal arms himself with a sturdy tree branch) Halt! Who goes there! (confessional) He won't lay a finger on me! I shall lay a finger on him! All of my fingers! In the form of an ass-whooping!
(Back at camp, Sky is still taking shelter in the spa hotel)
Sky: Maybe it's safe now? (she makes her way to the front door of the hotel. She peeks her head out. Suddenly, she hears the sound of a chainsaw! She rushes back inside and locks the door! Her heart is racing) Oh my gosh! Okay, I'm not leaving this spot! Under any circumstances!
(in the cabin, the other campers can hear the chainsaw! The killer starts sawing at the door to the girls' side of the cabin! They freak out!)
Sammy: AAAAAHHHHHHHH! HE FOUND US!
Jasmine: Let's get out of here!
Lindsay: How?
Courtney: The window! Come on! (the girls open the window and start climbing out! The killer saws through the door and into the cabin!)
Lindsay: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
Courtney: Go go go! Hurry! (they all make it out of the cabin just in time! They make a run for it and disappear into the night! Then, the killer saws at the other door! The guys freak out too!)
Lightning: AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
Brick: The window! Let's go! (Geoff opens the window and they climb out! Lightning throws a pillow at the killer and he saws it in half! Lightning jumps out the window after Brick and Geoff! The guys run away to escape the killer!)
(the girls run to the fire pit. They are out of breath)
Courtney: Is everyone okay?
Jasmine: That was a close one!
Lindsay: I nearly pissed myself! Again!
Sammy: That was the scariest thing I've ever seen!
(the guys arrive at the fire pit too)
Brick: Girls! You're here too!
Courtney: Are you guys okay?
Geoff: We're fine, but that was seriously heinous crap going on yo!
Courtney: Okay, we need a new plan. Since the cabins are no longer an option to hide.
Jasmine: Agreed.
Brick: Affirmative.
Courtney: Okay, taking what I know from the places I worked in the past, there's 3 ways to survive an encounter with an armed intruder. Run, hide, or fight. We tried hiding, and it didn't work. So we're left with either running, or fighting back.
Sammy: How can we fight back? That's a psycho killer with a chainsaw and a hook!
Courtney: I don't know, but if there's no other option, we have to somehow!
Brick: (salutes) Couldn't agree more. (confessional) Courtney's got the right idea. She would make a good soldier in my platoon.
Courtney: (confessional) Brick is a nice guy. I'm sure I would fit right in with his platoon where he's from.
Sammy: Wait, where's Sky?
Lindsay: Oh no! The killer got Sky! Not Sky!
Jasmine: Calm down. She won the last challenge, so she's probably still at the hotel.
Brick: The hotel? We must save her!
Courtney: Whoa whoa whoa! Danger! Danger Will Robinson! I'm sure she can handle herself in a dire situation like this!
Brick: I cannot take the cadet code for granted! Never leave a man behind! Sky is my battle buddy and I will NOT leave her behind! (he runs away to find Sky)
Courtney: Brick, wait! (he already left) Ugh! He's gonna get himself killed!
Sammy: Should we go after him?
Courtney: No! We need to worry about keeping our own hide on our bodies!
Sammy: (sighs) Okay.
Lindsay: (scratching her head) Who's Will Robinson? I'm confused.
Courtney: Ugh, never mind.
(Meanwhile, Sky is hiding in the spa hotel, all alone. She is starting to get scared)
Sky: (freaking out) Oh my gosh! I can't believe what I just saw across the way! I hope he won't find me in here! (all stealthy like, Brick is maneuvering towards the hotel, staying out of sight from the killer. He is determined to rescue Sky)
Brick: (confessional) I must rescue my battle buddy. I must!
(Brick sees the killer sawing at the door to the hotel! He gasps! Then he gathers courage and springs into action! From behind, he jumps onto the killer's head, stunning him! He busts the door down and dashes inside! He turns on the light, which freaks Sky out!)
Sky: (scared) AAHHHHHH! Please don't kill me! Please! I wanna live!
Brick: Sky! It's me, Brick!
Sky: (gasps happily) BRICK! (she runs over to him and hugs him tightly) I'm so happy you're safe!
Brick: I had to come back for you. Never leave a man behind.
Sky: (happy) Oh Brick! You're the best! (without thinking, Sky kisses him on the lips! Brick is surprised! But he just smiles)
Brick: (confessional) Wow, talk about a spur of the moment! I'm so relieved my battle buddy is okay! If that killer lays a finger on her, his ass is mine!
Sky: (confessional) Okay, I admit it! I LOVE Brick! He's the best thing that's ever happened to me! If we go to the finale together, I'll totally split the money with him. Sorry again Dave. I hope you're doing okay! I'm thinking of you and wishing you all the best.
(Just then, the killer busts into the hotel, interrupting the romantic moment!)
Sky: We gotta get outta here!
Brick: Follow me! (he makes a run towards the window and opens it) After you, battle buddy.
Sky: Out the window?
Brick: Affirmative! Now let's go! (the killer is getting closer! They jump out the window and onto the ground below! They make a run for it! The killer chases them!)
Sky: (running) Now what do we do?
Brick: (running) I don't know! Just don't stop running! (they run up the diving cliff and stop)
Sky: Oh no! Dead end!
(the killer appears in front of them, cornering them!)
Sky: Double oh no! We're trapped! We're goners!
Brick: (looks down to the water below and gulps) Looks like we'll have to jump!
Sky: What? Down there?
Brick: We have no other choice! We'll do it together. (Sky smiles at him. They hold hands and jump off the edge of the cliff! SPLASH! They land in the water)
(Meanwhile, the killer brings Sky and Brick to the production tent by his hook! He drops them and they see Chris on the ground with blood everywhere!)
Sky: CHRIS! OH MY GOSH!
Brick: He…he's dead!
Sky: But it can't be! Can you check?
(Brick starts giving Chris an autopsy when suddenly…)
Chris: BOO!
Brick: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! (he faints)
Sky: Chris? (grabs him by the collar angrily) What's the big idea? Have you lost your mind? (she helps Brick up while holding onto Chris)
Brick: (angry/dusts himself off) Yeah! What are you trying to do, scare the tick out of my ticker?
Sky: (angry) And what about him? (points to the killer)
Brick: (angry) And faking your own death?
Chris: Guys! Guys! Let me explain! It's Chef! (Chef removes his mask revealing himself)
Brick: Chef?
Chris: And it's fake blood! Heh heh heh!
Sky: (angry) This was all a trick?
Chris: Well, you're half right. This is a nod to the psycho killer challenge from season 1. With some touches of the horror movie challenge from season 2. And the Jack the Ripper challenge from season 3. The good news is, you're safe. The bad news, you lost the challenge.
Brick and Sky: WHAT?!
Brick: But what about the danger alert on the loudspeaker?
Sky: And the message from the RCMP?
Chris: They were pre-recorded messages! Heh heh heh! You should have seen the looks on your faces! Heh heh heh! (Brick and Sky are glaring at Chris with their arms crossed) Sorry. Now you get to stay here and watch the action with yours truly! Fun eh?
Brick and Sky: (angry) NO!
Chris: Fine, suit yourselves. (to Chef) Awesome job Chef! Now go get 'em! (Chef puts his mask back on and heads back out)
Sky: (confessional/angry) That was not funny Chris! You freaked us out! I swear, if I do win the money, I want to use a portion of it to put Chris's damn head on a platter! Motherf-(censored)!
Brick: (confessional/angry) How dare he punk us like that? That was a low blow!
(back at the fire pit, the other campers are taking it easy. Courtney and Jasmine are keeping an eye on them)
Courtney: Hey, has anyone seen Mal?
(everyone shrugs. Meanwhile, Mal is alone in the woods. He is devising an evil plan to face the killer)
Mal: (confessional) Once my plan is in place, that so-called killer won't know what hit him. (snickers evilly)
(Little does Mal know that the killer is watching him through the trees. Mal is on guard)
Mal: (bravely) Come out, come out, wherever you are! (Snickers)
(Meanwhile, back at the fire pit, Lindsay and Sammy left)
Courtney: Where did Samey and Lindsay go?
Jasmine: Oh, Lindsay had to make a rest stop. So she took Samey with her.
Courtney: (rolls her eyes) Well, at least they're not wandering around by themselves.
(Sammy and Lindsay are at the communal washrooms)
Lindsay: Okay, I'm going in. Can you stay out here and keep watch?
Sammy: Of course!
Lindsay: Yay! (she goes in and Sammy stands outside. She's keeping her eyes and ears peeled so she can watch for danger. Suddenly, she sees a large shadowy figure in the distance! She gets scared!)
Sammy: (scared) Uh…Lindsay? (No answer) Lindsay?
(Lindsay steps out)
Lindsay: Much better. Thanks for having my back BFF. (Sammy is frozen in fear) What is it? (Sammy points at the shadowy figure! It's the killer!)
Lindsay and Sammy: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (they run away! The killer chases them all the way to the production tent where Chris, Sky and Brick are hanging out. The killer follows them inside)
Chris: Girls, girls! You're safe now!
Lindsay: Phew! Safe is good!
Chris: It's only Chef! (he removes his mask)
Sammy: Chef?
Lindsay: Why is Chef carrying a chainsaw and has a hook for a hand?
Chris: It's the psycho killer challenge from season 1. (Lindsay is confused) Oh, right. You weren't here when that challenge took place. You were voted off.
Lindsay: Ohhhhhhh! Phew! Did I dodge a bullet or what?
Sammy: Uh…yeah. (to Chris) Still, that wasn't funny! We feared for our lives! The intercom alert! The killer! Everything!
Chris: Calm yourself! Nobody's dead! It's just a challenge! (Sammy glares at him) There's no real killer loose on the island!
Sammy: (still glaring) Right. And I was really born as a badger and Chef is a platypus.
Chef: Why am I the platypus? Make Chris the platypus!
Lindsay: (confused) Huh? I'm so confused right now…?
Sammy: No Lindsay, I was being sarcastic.
Lindsay: Oh.
Sammy: (confessional) Lindsay's my best friend. But her chimney can be clogged sometimes.
Lindsay: (confessional) Okay, I know I can be a little…absent minded sometimes, but people shouldn't underestimate how smart I can really be! Like in season 2, after I won the mystery challenge, I picked Duncan to go to the movies with me because I knew it would piss Courtney off! See? I outwitted Courtney despite being counted out and being told I couldn't do it! If I can outwit Courtney, I can do anything!
(At the fire pit, Geoff and Lightning are left with Courtney and Jasmine on patrol. Suddenly, a voice can be heard)
Voice: (whispering) Geoff…
Geoff: Who's there?
Courtney: Sit. (Geoff stays seated, but he is nervous)
Geoff: Dude, did you hear that?
Lightning: Nah. Lightning didn't hear a thing!
Geoff: Dudes…there's something out there!
Courtney: Geoff, it's fine. We got away from the killer. So we're safe. For now. (suddenly, a shadowy figure swipes Geoff away and he disappears without a trace!)
Jasmine: Yeah. He probably wouldn't bother to look here, right? (no answer) Geoff?
Courtney: Geoff? (he's gone!) Where'd he go? Lightning, did you see where Geoff went?
Lightning: Nah, he's right…there?
Courtney: Okay Geoff! That's not funny! You can stop pranking us now!
Jasmine: Uh, Courtney? I don't think it's a prank.
(Suddenly, Geoff can be heard screaming!)
Lightning: Hold on dude! Lightning to the rescue! (he runs off to find him!)
Courtney: Lightning, no! Don't!
(the killer has Geoff in his grasp! Then, Lightning jumps on his head, stunning him!)
Lightning: Lightning ain't going down without a fight! You'll never take me alive!
(the killer raises his chainsaw high!)
Lightning and Geoff: AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
(Lightning and Geoff are captured and brought to the production tent with the others)
Lightning: What the? What are you guys doing here? (everyone points to killer Chef) Oh hell no! Lightning ain't about to be butchered by ol' hockeyface! (he squares up to fight, but Chris steps between them)
Chris: Dude! Relax! It's Chef! (Chef removes his mask)
Lightning: WHAT? How did you…?
Chris: Sorry dude, you lost.
(this makes Lightning angry! He punches Chef in the face hard!)
Lightning: You're lucky chicks dig scars! And I wasn't even using my full strength! I have more muscle in my baby toe!
Sky: Ew. (Lightning glares at Sky. Sky giggles and blows a raspberry at him. She playfully punches his shoulder)
Lightning: Hey! My name is not Punch-it!
(Sky laughs)
Sky: (laughing) You're so silly! You make me laugh! (Lightning growls)
(Back at the fire pit, Courtney and Jasmine are the only ones left)
Jasmine: We're all that's left now! That killer could turn us into lasagna if we don't stay on our toes!
Courtney: That's what happens when you remove your armor. You give the enemy a target. And next thing you know, they lure you in and you become addicted to (censored)!
Jasmine: Uh, right mate. You know, I'm starting to suspect this whole thing is really a challenge. Don't you find?
Courtney: Yeah, a little. Still, a serial killer is pretty serious! (confessional) Whether this is real or fake, I have skills in hand to hand combat. And I'm sure Jasmine does too. Hell, she probably wrestles with big crocs where she's from. So, I'm sure we'll be okay. (she is still worried)
Voice: (whispering) Total…Drama…Island…(the girls get scared and they look around for anything or anyone)
Courtney: What was that?
Jasmine: Who's there?
(they hear the sound of a chainsaw! They get more scared! They each rip up a torch from the dock to use as weapons! They see the killer approaching!)
Jasmine: Stay back, you! We got fire and we're not afraid to use it!
(the killer keeps coming! He raises his chainsaw high in the air! Courtney kicks him in the gut!)
Courtney: Back off, mad!
(the killer shakes off the attack and Jasmine swings her torch at the killer! She sets his kiwis on fire! The killer runs and jumps in the lake to put the fire out! Then the killer gets angry! He revs up his chainsaw and chases the girls! In the production tent, chainsaw noises and screaming can be heard! The killer captures them and drags them to the tent with everyone else)
Chris: So close, but yet so far.
Courtney: (gasps) CHRIS?! (grabs him by the throat viciously and pulls him close) THIS WAS ALL A STUNT?!
Lindsay: (gasps) Uh oh! I'm getting deja vu!
Chris: Courtney, please! I can explain!
Courtney: (furious) EXPLAIN HOW OUR LIVES WERE AT STAKE BECAUSE OF YOUR PSYCHOTIC CRONY?! YOU WILL BE HEARING FROM MY LAWYERS ABOUT THIS, YOU (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored!)!
Chris: (confessional) Uh oh…here we go again! (Courtney punches through the confessional and drags Chris out with brute force!)
Chris: Okay, looks like you're all safe! Well, except for Mal. Let's see what he's up to. (he pulls up the monitors and shows Mal walking in the woods without a care in the world. He is smug. Then, the killer is following him. He taps Mal's shoulder)
Mal: Oh look. It's the mastermind who thinks he can capture me. (Snickers) You have yet to see what I'm about to do to you, fraud! (the killer swings his chainsaw at Mal, but misses! Mal flees and the killer chases him!)
Mal: (confessional) It's all part of my master plan. You'll see.
Mal: Hey, I'm over here! I'm over here, stupid! Come and get me! (The killer comes running and suddenly, he gets hoisted up into a net! Mal laughs maniacally!) Nice try, Jason. (confessional) The net was left behind from one of Max's failed traps he tried to set. What do you know? Max WAS useful for something! Still too looney to be a real villain. (snickers evilly)
Mal: Now let's put an end to this little charade. (he removes the killer's mask to reveal Chef!) Chef?
Chef: Uh…surprise!
Mal: Pfft. This whole stunt was pathetic. I've seen scarier scenarios in juvie.
(Later that night, the 9 remaining campers are at the fire pit for the elimination ceremony. Most of them are glaring at Chris for what he tried to pull on them)
Chris: Well campers, it has come to my knowledge that Mal has won invincibility. Mal: (grins evilly) I came, I saw, I kicked his ass!
Chris: Shut up! I was talking! But now one of you is about to go home. (he passes out marshmallows) Courtney. Jasmine. Samey. Brick. Sky. Lindsay. (Geoff and Lightning are left) the final marshmallow goes to… (they wait) Lightning.
Lightning: Sha-ZOOM!
Chris: Geoff, sorry dude. You're out.
Geoff: Bummer! At least I vanquished my foe and avenged my girl!
Lindsay: Aww!
Geoff: Later dudes! See ya on the aftermath! (Everyone waves goodbye as Geoff boards the boat of losers and sails away into the night) I'm coming Bridge!
Chris: And with that, 8 campers remain. What blood-curdling challenges lie ahead next week? Find out next time on an all-new episode of…TOTAL! DRAMA! ALL-STARS!
(credits)
ELIMINATION ORDER
PRE-MERGE
24th: Sugar
23rd: Max
22nd: Jo
21st: Sierra
20th: Owen
19th: Cameron
18th: Heather
17th: Shawn
16th: Scarlett
POST-MERGE
15th: Zoey
14th: Duncan
13th: Scott
12th: Izzy
11th: Alejandro
10th: Gwen
9th: Geoff