Total Drama All-Stars Rewritten

by IceTrae31

This is my first fanfic! I wanted to rewrite Total Drama All-Stars my own way, considering all the flak it got from fans and critics. This fanfic series started development in October 2019 and was completed in January 2022. Characters from all 3 generations will compete in more episodes, more challenges, and more drama for one million dollars! Enjoy!

22. The Wawanakwa 500

Total Drama All-Stars Rewritten: Episode 22

RATED TV-14

This episode contains material that may be inappropriate for viewers under the age of 14. Viewer discretion is advised.

The Wawanakwa 500

(Recap)

Chris: Last time on Total Drama All-Stars, an escaped psycho killer was out for blood as he frightened the pants off the campers with his lethal chainsaw and hook combo. Everyone feared for their lives when they saw me fake my own demise and believe it was all a warning from the authorities. Heh heh heh! All in tribute to the psycho killer challenge from season 1. What a classic! Courtney and Jasmine showed superlative leadership skills in the operation, but ultimately it was Mal who was the luckiest one of all. And it was Geoff who was the unluckiest. Too bad bro! At least he can go be with his girl now. Only 8 campers are left. Will Mal find the evidence to his evil deeds? Or will someone else beat him to it? Who will be the next winner? Who will be the next loser? What challenge can I come up with for the season finale? All this and more on an all-new episode of…TOTAL! DRAMA! ALL-STARS!

(Theme song)

Dear mom and dad, I'm doing fine

You guys are on my mind

You asked me what I wanted to be, now I think the answer is plain to see

I wanna be famous!

I wanna live close to the sun

Well pack your bags 'cause I've already won

Everything to prove nothing in my way

I'll get there one day

'Cause I wanna be famous!

Na, na, na-na-na-na, na-na-na, na, na-na-na-na

I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!

I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!

(Whistling)

(the following morning, Mal is in the spa hotel, resuming his search for the hidden DVD)

Mal: (getting frustrated) GRRRR! Alejandro really hid this damn thing well! I can't find it anywhere! (he looks under things, behind things, he looks everywhere!) Where the (censored) is it?! (confessional) You'll pay for this, Alejandro! I swear it!

(In Mike's subconscious, Mike and his personalities are going over their plan to get inside the tower)

Manitoba: Vito, we'll need you to throw something hard enough to take out all the cameras on the exterior of the tower. Svetlana, you're the only one to distract the dogs long enough for us to maneuver past them. Then Vito and I will hold them off while Chester, Mike, you try to get past the barbed wire. No way through it. You either go over or under.

Mike: Got it. Okay, let's move!

(Not long afterward, the 8 remaining campers are in the mess hall having breakfast, except Mal. He is mad that he still couldn't find the hidden DVD)

Lightning: Is there protein in this?

Chef: Mhm! Protein in every meal, son!

Lightning: Sha-score, brotha! (he shovels everything on his plate into his mouth! Then, he gags!) Oh…Oh, liver! (he runs to the window and pukes everywhere! Sky and Lindsay laugh at him!)

Chef: (confessional) Nah. It's liver-flavored. (Snickers)

Sky: (confessional) Looks like Lightning drew the short straw with his breakfast! (laughs) He's so silly!

Lightning: (confessional) Stupid Chef! Tricking me with my food like that! That was sha-nasty!

(Chris comes in)

Chris: Morning campers! I hope you're all excited, because today's challenge is gonna be a fun one! (the campers look nervous) Like, fun, fun! For you! (That makes the campers excited!) It'll be paying homage to the go-karting challenge from season 4, as well as the TDI bicycle motor-cross challenge from season 1. Meet me outside the mess hall after breakfast and we'll get rolling!

Sky: (confessional) A go-karting challenge? That DOES sound like fun!

Lightning: (confessional) Go-karts! Sha-yeah! Lightning is coming in first place! Show me the checkered flag!

Mal: (confessional/laughs evilly) These stupid peons won't know what hit 'em with me behind the wheel. Just watch.

(After breakfast, the campers meet Chris and Chef outside the mess hall)

Chris: Okay! So here's how the challenge works. First, grab a key hidden inside the mess hall kitchen. There's 8 keys total, which go to Chef's go-karts.

Chef: WHAT? You're letting these (censored) drive my karts again?! They're not dummy-proof!

Chris: Calm yourself Chef! It'll be fine! They're all adults! And they have their licenses! (Chef curses under his breath) Anywho, when you get your key, head over to the go-kart alley located in the junkyard, that way. (he points in the direction of the junkyard) When everyone has gotten their keys, we'll begin the second part of the challenge! Cool? (everyone nods. They're excited) Okay! Ready? Go! (everyone heads inside the kitchen)

Lindsay: Here key! Come to auntie Lindsay!

(Courtney rolls her eyes as she searches for a key. She looks in the cupboards and finds nothing)

Courtney: If I had a key, where would I hide it? Hmm, think Courtney! Think!

(Brick is reaching under the table, trying to find a key. Mal sneaks in a mouse trap! POW! Brick gets his hand caught!)

Brick: OWWWWW!

Sky: Brick! Are you okay? Oh my gosh! Hold still, I got you! (she carefully removes the mouse trap. Brick's fingers are red)

Brick: (salutes with his other hand) Thanks battle buddy. (he uses his other hand to look for a key)

Sky: Anytime! Just be careful!

Mal: (to himself) Oopsie. (confessional) This challenge could use a little sabotage. (snickers evilly)

Lightning: (looking in the closet) Come on key! Show yourself! (Mal tiptoes behind him and slams the door shut behind Lightning! He uses a mop to barricade the door!) Hey! Let me out! Whoever you are, Lightning's gonna smash you!

Mal: (innocently) Oopsie. (Lightning bangs on the door from inside)

Lightning: Let me outta here! (Sky couldn't help giggling when she hears Lightning's voice)

(Sammy is looking behind things and inside things. Like, in the oven and behind the pots and pans. Unknown to her, Mal sprinkles pepper near her. She starts to sneeze!)

Sammy: AH-CHOO! AH-CHOO! Why do I smell pepper? AH-CHOO!

Mal: (innocently) Oopsie.

(Jasmine uses her height to look up top, above the fridge and on top of the cupboards. She finds a key!)

Jasmine: Got one!

Sammy: Awesome! AH-CHOO! Go Jasmine! (Jasmine runs out of the mess hall towards the junkyard. She spots something off the corner of her eye, which looks suspicious)

Jasmine: What's that? It looks like a…

Sammy: (confessional) Dammit Mal!

(Mal finds a key in the trash)

Mal: The trash? Really? Whatever.

Lindsay: Ew! Trash picker!

Mal: Oh, shut up. (he runs out of the mess hall)

(Courtney finds a key under the sink)

Courtney: WOO HOO! (she heads out towards the junkyard)

(Lightning is still banging on the door since he's barricaded inside the closet)

Lightning: GET ME OUT!

Lindsay: I'm coming Mr. Light Beer! Now, how do you open this thing? Oh! I know! (she removes the mop and POW! Lightning bursts out of the closet!)

Lightning: Sha-finally! Lindsay? How'd you get me out?

Lindsay: (hands behind her back/smiles) You were locked in, so I unlocked the door and bailed you out!

Sky: (teasing) Oh look, the gorilla busted out of his cage! (giggles)

Lightning: Enough jibba jabba! Lightning's gotta find the key to his ride!

Lindsay: You mean this key? (she pulls out 2 keys from behind her back that she found! One for her and one for Lightning!)

Lightning: How'd you find that? Thanks blond girl! Lightning's gonna burn some rubber! Sha-vroom! (he runs out of the mess hall toward the junkyard. Lindsay blushes and follows him)

Sky: Oh no you don't, meathead! (she finds a key in a jug) Yes! (Brick finds a key in the silverware)

Brick: Key acquired!

Sky: Awesome! Come on soldier! Double time!

Brick: Sir yes sir! (they run out together)

(Sammy finds a key in a cleaning bucket)

Sammy: Yuck. Hey, wait for me! (she runs out of the mess hall to catch up with the others)

Chef: (to Chris) You let them trash my kitchen? AGAIN?!

Chris: Dude, calm down! I got you new cleaning equipment! Brand new mop, soap, bleach, all the good stuff! (Chef gets so angry he's about to boil over!) Uh oh!

(Later, everyone is at the junkyard gate, where Chris is waiting)

Chris: Now that you all have your keys, your next challenge is to grab your go-karts.

Mal: That's it? Oh, this game is getting easier and easier.

Chris: AHEM! I need to finish, bucko! You'll have to steal the go-karts. Which are heavily guarded by Chef. Heh heh heh!

(Sammy gulps)

Chris: Once you get your go-karts, we're gonna race 'em! (everyone is excited) You just have to get them first. Heh heh heh! Now, let's get your smash and grab on! Go!

(Chef is staring everyone down with a death stare)

Chef: Nobody touches my stuff. NOBODY!

Lightning: Ha! Like I'm scared of a bald camp cook!

(Chef pulls out his meatball bazooka)

Sky: (to Lightning/annoyed) You and your BIG mouth!

(Chef fires spaghetti shots at everyone! They scatter all over the place!)

Chris: Will anyone survive Chef's wrath long enough to snag a go-kart? And who's gonna win the go-kart race? If there's even gonna be one! Heh heh heh! But, anything can happen! Right here on TOTAL! DRAMA! ALL-STARS! (he accidentally gets blasted with spaghetti!) NOT MY HAIR! CHEF!

(commercial break)

(Chef is firing his spaghetti shots everywhere! Everyone scatters! Finally, Sky springs into action!)

Sky: Brick, cover me!

Brick: Sir yes sir!

Sky: Hey Chef! (blows a raspberry) Na na, na na na! Can't get me! (Chef fires a shot at her, but she jumps high in the air! He lands on his head, stunning him! She grabs her go-kart and starts it! Brick grabs a kart and he starts his!)

Chris: Nice work guys! Now, take your karts over to where the cabins are, and when everyone else shows up, it's race time!

Sky: WOO HOO! This is gonna be so much fun!

Brick: Affirmative! Let's ride! (they speed off in their go-karts toward the cabins)

(Chef recovers and springs back up! Jasmine and Lightning are quick to act! They dodge his spaghetti blasts and grab their go-karts! They start them up and speed off after Sky and Brick towards the cabins!)

Lightning: (confessional) Chef gotta work on his aim!

Jasmine: (confessional) Like, seriously! I'm a tall target! He needn't miss me! (laughs)

Sammy: Yoo hoo! Over here! (Chef fires spaghetti at her and misses! She gets past him and hops in her go-kart! She speeds away toward the cabins!)

Lindsay: (to Chef) Uh, can we just talk about this like civilized people?

Chef: No dice, girly! You're invited for dinner! (BAM! He blasts spaghetti on her!)

Lindsay: Ow! Hey! You should have given me a plate first! (she slurps the spaghetti off of herself) Mmm! Yummy! (Chef facepalms)

Courtney: (to Chef) Hey ugly! HI-YA! (she punches him hard in the gut, knocking the wind out of him! She hops in her go-kart and speeds off towards the cabins!)

Mal: Not on my watch. (He walks all over Chef while he's down and starts his go-kart and speeds away!)

Lindsay: That was good dinner! Too bad about no plate. (she spots the go-karts unguarded) Oh! (she hops in) Hmm…how do I do this? Oh! Don't tell me! (she puts the key in the ignition and starts the kart) Yes! (she speeds away towards the cabins)

(After everyone arrived at the cabins, they notice a track with a checkered line)

Jasmine: I thought this is what I saw!

Sammy: A racetrack! Awesome!

Sky: Awesome is right! WOO HOO!

Lightning: Ain't nobody beating Lightning! Sha-first!

Chris: Welcome to the next part of the challenge, here at Wawanakwa Motor Speedway! Using your go-karts, we're gonna race in the first annual Wawanakwa 500! (everyone cheers!) Here's the breakdown. Our interns spent hours building this state-of-the-art racetrack for you guys to race on. It takes you all around the island! The junkyard, the diving cliff, the caves, the forest, it'll be a real adventure!

Lindsay: YAY! Adventure!

Chris: The race will be 3 laps. First racer to cross the finish line after 3 laps wins invincibility, and this! The McLean Cup! (he holds up a large trophy with his face on it) Last racer to cross gets voted off the island. No bonfire, do not pass go, do not collect a marshmallow. (Everyone gasps) From a hovering balloon, Chef will drop some power-ups down to you on occasion. You can use them to boost yourself or you can use them as your own set of booby traps! Fun, huh? Heh heh heh!

Mal: (evilly) Booby-trapinator at your service.

Chris: Color commentary for the folks at home watching will be provided by me, and 3-time NASCAR champion and NASCAR broadcaster, Darrell Waltrip! (everyone gasps)

Darrell Waltrip: Hoo-ee! Thanks for having me on the show Chris! What a great day for racing!

Chris: You said it Darrell!

Darrell Waltrip: This looks like a fine bunch of racers we got here! Let's see what they bring to the table!

Lightning: (confessional) THE Darrell Waltrip? Here? Now? My Pops met him at the Southern 500 a while ago! Champ meets champ! This is sha-awesome!

Sky: (confessional) I can't believe it! THE Darrell Waltrip is here! In the flesh!

(Everyone is lined up at the starting line)

Mal: Now, when the flag lowers everyone, hit reverse!

Sammy: Fat chance, Igor!

Lightning: Okay dregs of society, time to learn who the real champ is here!

Sky: (smug) In your dreams, Thunder!

Lindsay: YAY! Let's race!

Chris: Remember, green flag means go, yellow flag means caution, white flag means the final lap, and checkered flag means end of the race! Got it? (everyone nods) Okay contestants, start your engines! (their engines roar loudly! Everyone is ready to race!) On your marks…get set…GO!

(Chef waves the green flag and everyone speeds away down the track!)

Darrell Waltrip: Boogity boogity boogity! Let's go racing, boys!

(the campers race their go-karts around the track! They're enjoying themselves!) (BGM: "Fuel" by Metallica)

Lindsay: WOO!

Courtney: WOO HOO!

Lightning: Sha-ZOOM!

Sammy: YAHOO!

Darrell Waltrip: They're all side by side as they come down the track!

Chris: Yep! But not for long!

(Sky pulls ahead of the pack to take the lead!)

Sky: Later!

Lightning: Oh no you don't tiny girl! (he accelerates after her)

Darrell Waltrip: Sky taking the lead!

Chris: Looks like Lightning wants a piece of her!

Darrell Waltrip: Yep! He's looking to make a move real quick here!

Sky: (teasing Lightning) How's the view back there, buddy? (laughs)

(Lightning goes pedal to the metal as he passes her for the lead!)

Lightning: Ha! Your mother is the speed limit now!

(Sky gets angry and she and Lightning bump their carts over and over! They're fighting for the lead!) Lightning: Get your dumbass out the way! Sky: Make me!

Darrell Waltrip: Look out! Sky and Lightning are doing some rubbing, and neither would give an inch!

Chris: Things are heated already as we head to the first landmark! (the campers are now racing through the forest! Lightning and Sky are fighting for first place, with Brick in 3rd, Jasmine 4th, Mal 5th, Courtney 6th, Lindsay 7th, and Sammy 8th)

Lightning: Put my big foot to the floor! Sky: Come on and try it, pea brain!

(BGM: "Real Gone" by Sheryl Crow from "Cars")

(Meanwhile, the campers are racing along the track towards a big cave! They race inside and follow the signs along the track. Courtney starts passing people to move up to 3rd)

Darrell Waltrip: Looks like Courtney's stuck in traffic…no! She found a hole and got through it!

Chris: You said it Darrell! She's working her way up the ranks and catching up to the leaders!

Courtney: (confessional) This is the most fun I've had all season! Why can't we have more fun challenges like this?

(the campers start making it out the other end of the cave and race toward Mt. Looming Tragedy! The track goes in a spiral up the mountain! From above, Chef drops items down to everyone!)

Chef: (Hulk voice) Chef squash puny cars! (laughs evilly)

Chris: And it looks like Chef is ready to bring the pain!

(Lightning catches a stick of dynamite thrown by Chef!)

Lightning: Precious collectible, Lightning will hide and keep you and love you and touch you! Nah, just kidding! (he throws it behind him! KA-BOOM! Nobody got hit!)

Sky: (teasing) Where'd you learn to aim, pal? (she and Lightning keep ramming each other as they speed up the mountain! Mal is starting to pass more people as he reaches 3rd place! Now Courtney is 4th, Brick 5th, Jasmine 6th, Sammy 7th, and Lindsay 8th)

Darrell Waltrip: Watch out, Lightning and Sky! Hot tires equals hot temper!

Chris: Couldn't have said it better myself!

(Mal catches a coconut thrown by Chef)

Mal: Hmm, I really ought to turn this into lost and found. Not! (he snickers evilly and throws it behind him, hitting Courtney in the face with it!)

Courtney: Ow! Blast you, Sunday driver!

Mal: See you at the finish line! That is, if you can make it there before me! (laughs evilly and speeds ahead) (confessional) I love how my way of thinking is part of the challenge. As for the weapons? They could be better. And whatever I don't use, I can sell on the internet. (Snickers)

Darrell Waltrip: Mal better watch out, from what I've heard he hasn't got many friends out there. But they're not all enemies, yet.

Chris: That's right Darrell.

Darrell Waltrip: And it looks like Lindsay is well behind the pack as we head up the mountain!

Chris: Yep! Remember, whoever comes in last place gets voted off the island!

Lindsay: (confessional) I am NOT gonna let that happen! Not after Heather (censored) me! Not again!

(Lindsay is going faster and faster as she spirals up the mountain after the others! She moves up from 8th to 4th!)

Darrell Waltrip: Wow, you can always tell when a racer's doing good, because Lindsay's having fun passing guys left and right!

(As Lightning and Sky are passing each other for the lead, they see a ramp with a speed booster on it! The ramp launches them high in the air!)

Sky: WOO HOO! Up, up, and away!

Lightning: Lightning getting some air!

(Mal is approaching the ramp! He lifts off! Followed by Lindsay!)

Mal: Whoa! If I was meant to fly, my cheeks would be filled with helium!

Lindsay: WEEEEEE! To infinity, and beyond!

(Lightning and Sky are falling to the ground below)

Lightning: Hey! Lightning never read the landing procedure!

Sky: (teasing) Aw, too bad, pal! I'll send ya a postcard from the finish line! (she blows a raspberry at him as she takes 1st place!)

Chris: Looks like everyone's making like a bird and flying!

Darrell Waltrip: Flying? Try falling with style! They're driving on air! Looks like Samey and Jasmine are slipping behind! They'll need a shot of adrenaline if they wanna win this race!

Jasmine: (confessional) How am I falling behind? I won the Australian demolition derby back home!

Sammy: (confessional) No way am I losing this challenge! Especially to that Scumbag Mal!

(from above in the hot air balloon, Chef drops down rockets onto Sammy, Jasmine and Brick's karts!)

Sammy: Yes! Full speed ahead! (ZOOM! The 3 racers blast away to dig themselves out of last place! They go flying off the ramp to the ground below!)

Mal: (confessional) I can't let any of these morons get into the hotel and find that DVD! Damn you, Alejandro! (he punches the camera, cracking it! He flips the bird at the camera)

Chris: Looks like 3 racers have escaped last place!

Darrell Waltrip: The question is, can they stay away from it?

(Now Sky is 1st, Lightning 2nd, Mal 3rd, Brick 4th, Jasmine 5th, Sammy 6th, Lindsay 7th, and Courtney 8th)

Courtney: How did they do that? Oh, they're soooo getting beat today! (She floors it and speeds past the competition all the way to 3rd behind Lightning and Sky!)

Darrell Waltrip: You wanna talk about a blue streak? There goes Courtney, sliding through like 1-2-3!

Chris: Yep! Courtney's definitely in the zone! Just look at her determination! (the racers are now heading for the junkyard! Lightning is 1st, Sky 2nd, Courtney 3rd, Mal 4th, Brick 5th, Jasmine 6th, Sammy 7th, and Lindsay 8th) Next up is the junkyard! The racers can use any of that junk lying around to their advantage!

Darrell Waltrip: Time for them to start playing dirty! Literally!

(Mal goes faster and faster until he catches up to Lightning in 1st! He rams Lightning off the track and into a junk pile! Mal laughs maniacally)

Mal: Reset your car so I can do that again! (the other racers pass Lightning as he struggles to get free! Now he is falling behind all the way to last place! Now Mal is 1st!)

Darrell Waltrip: Ooooh, that's a fender bender!

Chris: I'll say! Lightning just got thrown out like the evening trash! Heh heh heh!

Mal: Ahh, fiery ordnance. The gift that keeps on giving.

Sky: (to Mal) Hey you! That was a low blow!

Mal: I know. It's so good to be so bad. Now stay out of my way, vermin! (he rams Sky's kart to the side!)

Sky: Hey! This isn't California, you know!

Mal: Talk to the hand! Bye! (he floors it to take the lead! Sky shakes off the attack and speeds after him! She rams him from behind!)

Sky: (confessional) And to think I didn't meet the height requirement for this ride! (giggles)

(Lightning digs himself out of the trash pile and floors it to catch up with the other racers!)

Lightning: (coughing up trash/angry) That's it! This car's got some punk to punk!

(The racers make it out of the junkyard and are speeding towards the diving cliff! Mal is 1st, Sky is 2nd, Jasmine 3rd, Brick 4th, Courtney 5th, Sammy 6th, Lindsay 7th, and Lightning 8th. Lightning speeds past Lindsay)

Lightning: Check out the junk in my trunk!

Lindsay: Hi Thunder!

Lightning: It's Lightning!

Lindsay: Oh right! (giggles) Hi!

(Brick picks up speed and passes Jasmine and Sky to take 2nd place!)

Darrell Waltrip: Check out Brick! He's driving like the field is standing still!

Chris: That's right! He's passing through the field like he's racing against golf carts!

Mal: (bumps Brick's kart from the side) Perhaps you need a speed boost! (laughs maniacally)

Brick: (bumps him back) Road rage doesn't pay, soldier!

Mal: (slams Brick aside) It does when you're a bad guy! (Sky sees this from behind)

Sky: Oh my gosh! (She stops to tend to Brick's aid) Brick! Are you alright?

Brick: (stands back up and dusts himself off) I'm fine. But that scumbag won't be! Let's roll! (they hop back in their karts and speed after Mal)

Mal: What? Impossible! How did that not end in a fiery death?!

Sky: This'll teach you to mess with my battle buddy, cheater teamer! (she rams Mal off the track as she takes 1st and Brick is 2nd! Mal slams into a tree as the other racers pass him! Jasmine is 3rd, Sammy 4th, Courtney 5th, Lindsay 6th, Lightning 7th, and Mal now in 8th!)

Mal: (angry) (censored)! (he hops back in his kart and speeds away to catch up! The racers are going uphill up the diving cliff! Chef drops down some coconuts from his hot air balloon!)

Jasmine: Coconuts? Really?

Sammy: Yeah! Seriously?

Chef: (shouts from above) Hey! You can use them as weapons if you like!

Jasmine: Okay then! (she and Sammy throw their coconuts behind them in an effort to slow the competition, but Courtney dodges all their coconuts!)

Courtney: (smug) Is that the best you can do? (Then, Lindsay speeds past them to move up to 3rd!)

Lindsay: WOO HOO!

Darrell Waltrip: Here comes Lindsay, looking like she's on rails! (she passes Brick and and Sky to move up to 1st!)

Chris: And Lindsay has now taken the lead! (The racers in the lead reach the top where there's another boost ramp! They are launched high in the air!)

Lindsay: YAY! I'm flying!

Sky: WOO HOO!

Brick: Cleared for takeoff!

(They soar through the air and into a floating doorway with a portal! They wind up back at the starting line, completing the first lap!)

Darrell Waltrip: Chris, I gotta know, how did you get the technology for that portal?

Chris: It's a long story.

(The other racers speed to the top of the diving cliff and launch off the ramp and through the portal to the starting line! Lindsay is 1st, Sky 2nd, Brick 3rd, Courtney 4th, Sammy 5th, Jasmine 6th, Lightning 7th, Mal 8th)

Lightning: Lightning taking flight! Sha-bam!

Darrell Waltrip: They're picking 'em off one at a time!

Chris: Yep! 2nd lap now! It's anybody's game as the racers fight for positions!

(Montage)

(BGM: "We Own It" by 2 Chainz & Wiz Khalifa)

(Chef drops weapons onto the racers, which they use to throw at each other, some ram others off the track, others weave in and out of spots as there are several lead changes! Chef starts throwing sharks and beehives down! Some get chased by the bees and the sharks! They round bends, race through trees, caves, through garbage, uphill, and through the portal again! The checkered flag is out now that it's the final lap! Courtney is 1st, Lindsay 2nd, Sky 3rd, Mal 4th, Sammy 5th, Lightning 6th, Jasmine 7th, and Brick 8th)

Chris: This is it Darrell! We're on the final lap and Courtney has made it to 1st place!

Darrell Waltrip: Hoo boy! It all comes down to this! Who will be our McLean cup champion?

(the racers speed through the forest, through the cave, up the mountain, through the junkyard, and are approaching the diving cliff!)

Courtney: (excited) I'm gonna win! EEEEEE! (suddenly, POW! She loses a rear tire!) What the hell?!

Darrell Waltrip: Oh no! Courtney blew a tire!

Chris: And not that far to go! Can she still win? (her rear tire is down to the rim, scraping against the grass and dirt below, creating drag! Lightning goes pedal to the metal to drag himself out of 6th and up to 3rd! Lindsay floors it too, along with Brick! They try to catch up to Courtney!)

Courtney: Oh no! They're gaining! Come on! Go faster! (POW! Now both rear tires are gone!)

Darrell Waltrip: Courtney lost another tire! Her opponents are closing in quickly!

(Courtney is still 1st, Lindsay 2nd, Lightning 3rd, Brick 4th, Sammy 5th, Mal 6th, Sky 7th, and Jasmine 8th)

Chris: Jasmine better floor it if she doesn't want to be eliminated!

Jasmine: No! I'm not going home now! No! (She goes full throttle ahead of the other racers on front of her!)

Darrell Waltrip: I don't believe what I'm watching, Chris!

(as Courtney is struggling, Lindsay, Lightning, and Brick are all fighting for 2nd place! Luckily Courtney made it to the boost ramp to be launched through the portal! Now she lands on the asphalt, with sparks flying behind her! The other racers are catching up fast! Sky pulls ahead of Mal and rams him aside, moving her up a position! Jasmine pulls ahead, up to 5th!)

Lightning: I got the need for speed now, fool! You fight a real man, get beaten like a little boy! Lindsay: Stay to the right!

Lightning: There is no right! Darrell Waltrip: You know, they say Lightning never strikes twice, but I think most of our racers will tell you different.

(Courtney is a few feet from the finish line, where Chef has the checkered flag out! He is about to wave it when…ZOOM! Lindsay passes Courtney and crosses the finish line 1st! Brick comes in 2nd, Lightning comes in 3rd!)

Chris: Oh no! I can't believe my eyes! Looks like Courtney might have choked! And Lindsay is the winner!

Courtney: NOOOOOOO! (she hops out of her kart and pushes it from behind across the finish line, finishing in 4th place)

(All that's left is Mal, Jasmine, Sammy, and Sky. They race up the cliff and through the portal. Jasmine crosses the finish line in 5th place. Sky takes 6th place. That leaves Mal and Sammy! They fight for the final position! Then, just a few feet away from the finish line, Mal rams Sammy's kart hard! This spins her out of control and Mal takes 7th place! Sammy spins like a cyclone across the finish line last!)

Mal: Hasta la vista, sucker! Sammy: (spinning) Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! Getting dizzy! (she finally stops spinning) Ehhh… (she pukes)

Chris: Congratulations Lindsay! You're the winner of the Wawanakwa 500 and the McLean cup! (He gives her the trophy)

Lindsay: (happy) I won? I WON! Oh my gosh! I can't believe I won! EEEEEE!

Chris: The spa hotel is yours. (Mal glares at her) But sadly, Samey, I'm sorry, you finished in last place. Which means, the dock of shame awaits.

Sammy: (disappointed) Awww.

Lindsay: Oh no! My BFF! (she runs over to Sammy and hugs her)

Sammy: It's okay. It was fun while it lasted. And I got to make an awesome new friend. (she smiles at Lindsay) Although SOMEONE is going to pay for this! (she glares at Mal and Mal grins evilly)

(that evening, Sammy is walking the dock of shame with everyone seeing her off)

Sammy: It was nice seeing you again Jasmine! Take care! (she hugs Jasmine)

Jasmine: Of course! Take care of yourself mate.

Sammy: I will. Thanks for your support Sky! (to Brick) Bye! It's been fun! (Brick salutes and she salutes back. She hugs him. When she steps up to Mal, she flips the bird at him. Mal grins evilly. She waves goodbye to Lightning and Courtney. Then, she turns to Lindsay. Lindsay is sad)

Sammy: Aww, it'll be okay Lindsay. Let's hook up after the show, okay?

Lindsay: (smiles) Okay. (they hug one last time)

Sammy: Okay, I'm ready! (she boards the boat of losers with Chef and she sails away into the sunset. Everyone waves goodbye, except Mal)

Mal: (confessional) I may have "intentionally" booted Samey off, but how will I ever find that wretched DVD if I can't win the damn challenges?! (growls) They have awakened a sleeping giant now! Watch out!

Chris: And with that, 7 campers remain. Who will live to play another day? And who will sail away? Find out next time on TOTAL! DRAMA! ALL-STARS! McLean out.

(credits)

ELIMINATION ORDER

PRE-MERGE

24th: Sugar

23rd: Max

22nd: Jo

21st: Sierra

20th: Owen

19th: Cameron

18th: Heather

17th: Shawn

16th: Scarlett

POST-MERGE

15th: Zoey

14th: Duncan

13th: Scott

12th: Izzy

11th: Alejandro

10th: Gwen

9th: Geoff

8th: Sammy