Total Drama All-Stars Rewritten: Episode 23
RATED TV-14
This episode contains material that may be inappropriate for viewers under the age of 14. Viewer discretion is advised.
Total Drama Ninja Warrior
(Recap)
Chris: Last time on Total Drama All-Stars, the campers left each other in the dust in the first annual Wawanakwa 500 race. There was some awesome competitive fire going on with everyone, showing how desperate they are to win invincibility! I love it when things get competitive! Heh heh heh! In the end, Lindsay defied all the odds against her and turned out to be the winner of the McLean Cup! And sadly, it was Lindsay's newly found friend Samey who lost the race and the challenge, which meant, farewell Samey! She did however, prove to us all that she can now be her own woman, without being a satellite to Amy! Heh heh heh! And now, we're down to the final 7 campers! Grab a seat and some popcorn, because we're really getting fancy in tonight's all-new high-flying episode of…TOTAL! DRAMA! ALL-STARS!
(Theme song)
Dear mom and dad, I'm doing fine
You guys are on my mind
You asked me what I wanted to be, now I think the answer is plain to see
I wanna be famous!
I wanna live close to the sun
Well pack your bags 'cause I've already won
Everything to prove nothing in my way
I'll get there one day
'Cause I wanna be famous!
Na, na, na-na-na-na, na-na-na, na, na-na-na-na
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!
(Whistling)
(The next day in the spa hotel, Lindsay is putting her trophy on her nightstand for display. She smiles, but then she feels a little grief because she misses Sammy)
Lindsay: (confessional/holding the trophy) I still can't believe I won the race! No one can ever doubt me again! But, I'm sad that my friend Samey isn't here anymore! We totally need to hang out after the show! I can take her to go shopping with me and Beth, and maybe that boy I like! Wait, don't tell me! It's…it's…Tyler! Yeah!
(then, she sees something shiny in one of the pictures of Chris)
Lindsay: What's that? Hey! Shiny!
(That's when Chris barges through the door)
Chris: (childishly) I AM SO BOOOOOORED! I miss my cottage!
Lindsay: Cottage? Don't you mean like, 5 star resort?
Chris: (angry) Did you know the soap here is made of soap? What am I, a peasant?! And 600 thread count bed sheets? It's like…sleeping on sandpaper!
Lindsay: Oh come on! You gave Courtney 700 thread count bed sheets! Remember?
Chris: I'm surprised you even remember that!
Lindsay: Just because I'm pretty doesn't mean I'm not smart!
Chris: Whatever!
Lindsay: Still, this place isn't that bad! In fact, it's wonderful! Besides, it's your brand after all! Anyway, I'd love to chat some more, but I need a little girl time.
Chris: Ugh, fine. I'm going back, over there. (he leaves)
Lindsay: (confessional) What is his deal? The spa hotel is great! He's just being ungrateful as hell! Such a fusspot!
(she sees the shiny thing in the painting and she pulls it out. It's the DVD Alejandro hid!)
Lindsay: Oooooh! A DVD! (she goes to the production room) Hmm, is there a DVD player in here? Oh! Here we go! (she pops it in, and it shows Mal's worst moments from the show! It shows him sabotaging the others and costing them the challenges! And it shows him tampering with the votes! Lindsay gasps!) Oh my gosh! This is bad! What'll I do now?
(that night, Chris makes an announcement on the loudspeaker)
Chris: Good evening campers! It's time for an adrenaline-boosting nighttime challenge! Meet me outside in 10 minutes and I'll explain what awaits you.
(the final 7 campers meet up with Chris and Chef outside the cabins)
Chris: Okay! Today's challenge is going to be something that has never been done on Total Drama before! (everyone is surprised)
Lindsay: Is it a shopping spree?
Lightning: Is it football?
Courtney: Is it Rugby?
Sky: How about Curling?
Jasmine: Cricket?
Brick: Soccer?
Chris: Good guesses, but no. Follow me this way to where your challenge awaits.
(they follow Chris to a field where a giant obstacle course is set up, with a pool at the bottom. Stadium lights are set up above the course to see at night. Everyone is excited)
Sky: Oh! This is just like on that show American Ninja Warrior! Only 3 people successfully completed the course without wiping out!
Courtney: Competing on that show would be so cool!
Lightning: Awww yeah! Lightning gonna get fancy today!
Chris: Yep! Our interns spent a long time building this state-of-the-art American Ninja Warrior course. I call this challenge "Total Drama: Ninja Warrior!" Patent pending. Here's the deal. You're gonna have to dig deeper than you ever dug before to complete this challenge. You'll have to channel that inner strength you never knew you had. Cue the obstacles!
Chef: First up, the quintuple steps. Make your way across the 45-degree angle platforms to the other side of the pool, without falling in. Second, you got your salmon ladder. Jump up to the bar and use your upper body strength to ascend up the obstacle, positioning the bar into the rungs as you make your way up. If you get through that, you'll have to face the floating monkey bars. Move forward by carrying the bars with you and positioning them into the 6 trays until you reach the other side.
Chris: After that, you got the spin cycle! Swing across the 3 tilted spinning hoops and reach the other side. From there, you got the hang climb! It's just like rock climbing, only with the wall facing down at a 45-degree angle!
Chef: Grab onto the rocks on the wall to climb across to the other end.
Chris: Next up, the log grip! Grab hold of the thick vertical log by wrapping your entire body around it as it slides down the 9-meter track to the next obstacle…
Chef: The monkey pegs! Use your upper body to move the 2 pegs from hole to hole along the angled wall until you reach the other side.
Chris: The next obstacle is simple. The warped wall! Just run up the sloped wall to climb to the top. Which can get tricky because the slope is curved. Once you ascend the wall, use the trampoline to jump up to the Trapeze swing! Use your upper body to build momentum and swing across from bar to bar until you reach the other side. And then, to finish it off…
Chris and Chef: The…SPIDER CLIMB!
Chris: Wedged between the 2 walls, use every muscle in your body to climb 35 feet up! Be careful not to fall, cuz that's a long way down! When you reach the top, hit the buzzer and you'll finish the course!
Courtney: Now that's a lot of upper body!
Chef: Mhm! The obstacles in this course are NOT for the faint of heart. Play at your own risk.
Sky: (confessional) Nothing I can't handle! They do stuff exactly like this in the Olympics! This is totally my thing!
Lightning: (confessional) Why don't we just hand me the million right now? This'll be sha-easy!
Chris: One more thing. If you can complete all 10 obstacles without falling in the pool below, which has an alligator…(everyone gasps!) then you'll advance to the final round where you'll compete for invincibility. More on that when everyone has completed their trial. Cool? You have 5 minutes until showtime. Who would like to go first?
Jasmine: (confessional) I'm not worried about the gator. Back home in Australia, I'm used to wrestling with crocodiles. I met Steve Irwin and his family when I was a kid. Really nice people. Steve taught me everything I know about Australia's creatures. And I'm super athletic, so this should be a cinch.
Brick: (confessional) I've got lots of experience in obstacle courses. Back in cadets, we would take on obstacle courses every day to build strength, stamina, and discipline. This is nothing new to me.
Courtney: (confessional) I've never actually done obstacles quite like these before, but I'm confident about my chances. I do have great upper body and core strength.
Lindsay: (confessional) I'm not sure about this…but I'll do my best!
Mal: (confessional) If Lindsay found the DVD in the hotel, I really need to make sure she doesn't win. I need to get that DVD and destroy it!
(Sky and Lightning eagerly raise their hands simultaneously, as they both want to go first!)
Sky: I want to go first!
Lightning: No way tiny girl! Lightning is always first!
Chris: Whoa! Heh heh heh! We got a couple of keeners for this one! Calm yourselves. We'll do a coin toss. Heads for Lightning, Tails for Sky. And, here we go! (he flips the coin) It is Heads! Lightning goes first!
Lightning: Aww yeah! Sha-first!
Sky: Fine, whatever. But I'm going next. (confessional) It's no big deal. I'm just excited is all. Anyway, Lightning talks a big game and he shows it too! So this I gotta see.
Chris: (to Lightning) If you make it to the end of the course, you can go on to the final round. Ready? Go!
(Lightning easily makes it across the quintuple steps. He jumps up to the salmon ladder and uses all his strength to lift himself up with the bar. Once he gets high enough, he swings to the floating monkey bars! He easily makes it across to the spin cycle! He uses all his strength and momentum to swing across the angled hoops to the hang climb! He easily makes it to the other side of the hang climb. Lindsay is amazed)
Lindsay: Wow! He's amazing!
Sky: Yeah! Very impressive! (smug) But I bet I can beat that!
(After the hang climb, Lightning makes it to the log grip. He hangs on for dear life as the log slides across to the other side. He jumps up to the monkey pegs and easily moves the pegs from hole to hole along the angled wall to the other side! He easily makes it to the top of the warped wall! Next, the trapeze swing! He swings across the trapeze with almost no effort! Finally, the spider climb! He digs deep and uses every ounce of strength he has to ascend the difficult climb 35 feet up! At last, he reaches the top and hits the buzzer!)
Lightning: Sha-BAM!
Chris: And Lightning is going to the final round! But who will join him in the final round? Next!
Sky: Me! I have dibs!
Chris: And go!
(Easily, Sky makes it across the quintuple steps and she makes her way up the salmon ladder no problem! She swings across the hanging monkey bars with ease!
With every swing, she flips in the air with a smile! She makes it to the spin cycle and easily swings to the other side! Everyone is impressed, except Mal)
Sky: (confessional) I do this kind of training regularly to prepare for the Olympics! I could do this in my sleep!
(As Sky is swinging about on the course, Mal confronts Lindsay)
Mal: Alright you blue-eyed demon, where's the DVD!?
Lindsay: What DVD?
Mal: (threatening) Don't play dumb with me!
Lindsay: (confused) Who's playing dumb? Not me!
Mal: (threatening) Give me the DVD or else!
Lindsay: I don't have a DVD. But I have these super cute nail polishes!
Mal: (angry) (censored) your stupid little baby makeup! I know you have the DVD! Now hand it over!
Lindsay: But I don't have it! (confessional) I totally do have it. I know he's trying to take it from me. But I got his number! He's kicked off so many people! Including, my BFF Sammy! He's a fiendish, manipulative, sinister, mastermind of evil!
Mal: (confessional/angry) If that (censored) doesn't surrender the DVD, she will never see the light of day again!
(Meanwhile, Sky made it to the hang climb! Her core is so strong that she made it to the other end of the upside down wall in 5 seconds! She gripped the vertical log and made it to the other end of the log grip to the monkey pegs! Sky easily moved the pegs across the wall! She made it up the warped wall and jumped up to the trapeze swing and swung across each platform so gracefully! Once she reached the spider climb, she engaged every muscle in her body as she ascended the climb! She made it to the top and hit the buzzer!)
Sky: Yeah! WOO HOO!
Chris: And Sky advances to the final round!
Chef: 2 down, 5 to go! Who's gonna be the next human monkey and who's gonna swim with the Gator?
Chris: It's a high-flying spectacle when we come back!
(Commercial break)
Chris: We're back! Lightning and Sky both advance to the final round! Next contestant ready!
Lindsay: I'll go next!
Chris: Sweet! Give it a go!
(Lindsay looks at the obstacles and gulps)
Lindsay: (confessional) I'm not the world's greatest athlete…oh, I wish Tyler were here! He would totally give me the best pointers!
(Lindsay takes on the quintuple steps, and she makes it through! Once she reaches the salmon ladder, she struggles to lift herself up!)
Lindsay: I…can't…do…(then, she falls!) AAAAAHHHHHHHHH! (SPLASH! She fell in the water where the Gator was waiting) Wow! Where did you get that amazing alligator coat?
Brick: Lindsay…that's a real alligator! Get out of there!
Lindsay: AAAHHHHHHHHH! (the alligator tries to bite her, but Lindsay got out of the pool just in time! She is dripping wet) Anybody got a towel?
Chef: We have our first DQ!
Chris: Lindsay could not finish the course, so she's eliminated!
Lindsay: (disappointed) Aww. I tried. Can I at least say goodbye before I go?
Chris: What!? No Lindsay, you're not eliminated from the game! I just mean you lost the challenge.
Lindsay: Ohhhhhhhh! (giggles) Silly me!
Chris: (confessional/annoyed) Dumbass.
Chris: Next! (Courtney raises her hand excitedly) Courtney!
Courtney: Yes!
Chris: Ready? Go!
(Courtney makes it through the quintuple steps. She thrusts herself up the salmon ladder and swings across the floating monkey bars. She then swings across the spin cycle. Then she makes it to the hang climb. She is doing well but then, she loses her grip and falls in the pool! SPLASH!)
Courtney: (spitting out water) Ugh! Crap! (the Gator is about to bite Courtney when she punches it in the nose) Back off, Dundee! Dinner's canceled! (she gets out of the pool and joins Lindsay)
Courtney: (confessional) Those brainless interns could have heated the water! BRRR! Not like anybody would have known.
Lindsay: Sorry you lost Courtney.
Courtney: Hmph.
Chris: And Courtney is out! Next!
Jasmine: Got it!
Chris: And, go!
(Jasmine takes on the quintuple steps and makes it easily. She easily makes it up the salmon ladder and across the floating monkey bars. She effortlessly swung across the spin cycle and made it to the other side of the hang climb. She grips the log grip and slides across to the other side. She moves the monkey pegs from one hole to the other all the way to the other side of the wall. She makes it up the warped wall and easily swings across the trapeze swing. Finally, she makes it to the spider climb. She uses every ounce of strength she has to propel herself up the 35 foot wall, all the way to the top! She hits the buzzer)
Chris: And Jasmine advances!
Jasmine: YES!
Chris: Brick, Mal, down to you! Who will advance and who will be DQ'd?
Brick: (salutes) I will not disappoint sir!
Chris: Ready? Go!
(Brick easily makes it past the quintuple steps and easily makes it up the salmon ladder. He swings across the floating monkey bars. Sky watches with a dreamy smile. Brick then makes it to the spin cycle and swings across to the other side. He reaches the hang climb and he climbs to the other end of the upside down wall)
Brick: (confessional) My drill sergeant would be so proud.
(Sky sighs dreamily in the confessional)
(Brick grips the log grip and slides to the other side, to the monkey pegs. He moves the pegs along the wall to the other side and makes it to the warped wall. He makes it to the top and swings across the trapeze swing. Finally, he made it to the spider climb)
Sky: You can do it Brick! WOO!
Brick: Here goes nothing! (he wedges between the 2 walls and hoists himself up! He uses all his strength to ascend 35 feet! He makes it to the top and hits the buzzer!)
Chris: Brick has completed the course and will advance!
Sky: YES!
Brick: YES! Mission accomplished. (Sky hugs Brick tightly and kisses him on the lips)
Chris: Okay Mal, your turn. Go!
Mal: Saving the best for last eh? Safe. (Mal makes it across the quintuple steps and ascends the salmon ladder easily. He swings across the floating monkey bars and across the angled hoops of the spin cycle. He makes it across the hang climb and to the log grip, where he slides across to the other side. He maneuvers across the monkey pegs, slowly moving the pegs from hole to hole until he reaches the other side. He runs up to the top of the warped wall and jumps up to the trapeze swing. He swings across, but misses a bar! SPLASH! He fell in the pool!)
Chris: Oooooh! And Mal is DQ!
Mal: (angry) GODDAMMIT! (just as the Gator is about to attack, Mal glares evilly at it and it scurries away, whimpering like a puppy! Mal gets out of the pool and joins Courtney and Lindsay)
Chris: Well, it looks like we have our 4 finalists for this challenge! I never would have guessed it would be you 4! Heh heh heh! Lightning, Jasmine, Brick, and Sky. You will now be competing in the final round! All you have to do is run through the course one more time. Whoever can complete the course in the shortest time wins invincibility. The person with the longest time gets voted off the island.
Lindsay: Phew. (Mal glares at her)
Mal: (confessional) I will get that DVD from Lindsay if it's the last thing I do!
Lindsay: (confessional) I dodged a bullet again! Who knew losing had its perks?
(the 4 finalists are lined up to take on the course again)
Chris: Who's up first?
Lightning: WOO! Sha-first!
Sky: (sarcastic) Figures.
Lightning: (to Sky) In just a moment, my skills are gonna put your skills to shame!
Sky: (sarcastic) I look forward to it.
Lightning: Prepare to be bested! And smothered in grilled onions!
Sky: (sarcastic) Yeah yeah. Just take your turn already!
Chris: And…go!
(Lightning makes it through the quintuple steps again and still has some strength left over to ascend the salmon ladder. He swings across the floating monkey bars easily and to the spin cycle. He swings across the angled hoops to the other side, towards the hang climb. He makes it to the other side and slides across the log grip to the warped wall. He makes it to the top and swings across the trapeze swing. He is starting to feel sore as he reaches the spider climb! He still manages to carry on and use all he has left to ascend the spider climb to the top and hit the buzzer!)
Chris: 2 minutes and 48 seconds! Not bad!
Lightning: (confessional) He calls that a challenge? I could have completed that when I was born!
Lightning: (smug) Sha-please! Hold your applause. Just throw loose change and social security checks. (Sky rolls her eyes)
Chris: Next!
Brick: Sir yes sir!
Sky: Go Brick!
Brick: Sir yes sir! (He makes it across the quintuple steps and makes it to the top of the salmon ladder. He reaches the floating monkey bars and swings across. He is starting to get sore.)
Brick: (confessional) And then, from out of nowhere, it was like I lost the will to go on! But I gave it 100%!
(Brick reaches the spin cycle, but his arms give out and SPLASH! He falls in the pool!)
Sky: Brick! (she rushes to his aid before the Gator could attack) Are you alright?
Brick: (salutes) Ma'am, I have let the platoon down!
Sky: (hugs Brick) No you didn't. You did great. (Brick smiles)
Chris: Incomplete! Next!
Jasmine: Me!
Chris: Go!
(Jasmine makes it across the quintuple steps, but once she reaches the salmon ladder, she almost reaches the top when her arms give out from the soreness and SPLASH! She fell in the pool! She punches the Gator in the nose as she hops out of the pool)
Jasmine: (confessional) That didn't work out the way I thought it would. My arms felt like noodles after the first time doing that course.
Chris: Incomplete! Now we've only got one person left! Sky! This is for keeps!
Sky: Let's do this!
Chris: And…go!
(Sky makes it to the other side of the quintuple steps. She shimmy's up the salmon ladder, despite being sore! She swings across the floating monkey bars and then across the spin cycle. She climbs the length of the hang climb and holds onto the log grip as it slides across. Despite the searing soreness in her body, Sky manages to make it across the monkey pegs wall. She runs up to the top of the warped wall and swings across the trapeze swing, all the way to the spider climb! Sky takes a deep breath and ascends the high climb! With one final push, she makes it to the top and hit the buzzer!
Chris: 2 minutes and 45 seconds! Sky is the winner!
Sky: WOO HOO! YES!
Chris: And that means Lightning is out!
Lightning: Sha-WHAT?! But Jasmine and Brick didn't finish the course!
Chris: Exactly. They didn't finish the course, and you and Sky were the only ones to complete it. And Sky beat your time by 3 seconds. Which means, Lightning gets to walk the dock of shame!
Lightning: WHAT?! NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Sky: (confessional) Well well well! Looks like speed and brains have triumphed over brawn once and for all! See ya round, thunder boy!
Lightning: (confessional) This is an outrage! Lightning did NOT lose to a girl! Not again! Impossible!
(Later that night, Lightning is walking the dock of shame and everyone is seeing him off. Lightning refuses to talk to anyone until Lindsay gave him a big hug!)
Lightning: What are you doing girl?!
Lindsay: Aww! I'm going to miss you! You're so funny and agile and gorgeous! (she kisses him on the cheek!)
Lightning: (surprised) What the…?! (Lindsay giggles)
Sky: (smug/teasing) Well, looks like this concludes your brush with greatness, buddy boy!
(Lightning gets so angry he roars and lunges at Sky! But Sky ducks and Lightning falls in the water below! Sky laughs at him!)
Lightning: You may have beaten me this time tiny girl, but I'll be back! You're gonna pay!
Sky: (teasing) Yeah yeah. Hey, we should train again sometime! I'm always in the mood for embarrassing you! (giggles)
Lightning: Lightning will get you yet! That is a promise! (Sky smugly blows a raspberry as Lightning is carried off on the boat of losers)
Sky: (confessional/smug) It was nice knowing ya, Lightning! Sha-bye-bye! (laughs)
Lindsay: (confessional) Aww, I can't wait to tell Tyler all about you Thunder! Er, Lightning! (she blows a kiss) Bye!
Chris: And with that, Total Drama has lost its most athletic player! Only 6 campers are left now! Who will be the next to win? And who will be the next to walk down this crappy dock? Who will Sky find to embarrass next? And what does the future hold for her and Brick? Will Lindsay unveil the secret of her discovery? Find out next time on an all-new action packed episode of…TOTAL! DRAMA! ALL-STARS!
(credits)
ELIMINATION ORDER
PRE-MERGE
24th: Sugar
23rd: Max
22nd: Jo
21st: Sierra
20th: Owen
19th: Cameron
18th: Heather
17th: Shawn
16th: Scarlett
POST-MERGE
15th: Zoey
14th: Duncan
13th: Scott
12th: Izzy
11th: Alejandro
10th: Gwen
9th: Geoff
8th: Sammy
7th: Lightning