Total Drama All-Stars Rewritten: Episode 25
RATED TV-14
This episode contains material that may be inappropriate for viewers under the age of 14. Viewer discretion is advised.
Welcome to Boot Camp
(Recap)
Chris: Last time on Total Drama All-Stars, things got acrobatic in our homage paid to American Ninja Warrior. There were some wicked high-flying stunts, as well as some hilarious wipeouts. Lightning and Sky butted heads, again. Brick and Jasmine fell short in the final round, but still got points for effort. Mal was gunning at Lindsay to try and get her to spill the beans on her discovery within the walls of the spa hotel. But Lindsay proved that she's no dummy and didn't get tricked. In the end, Sky won the challenge and was crowned a Total Drama Ninja Warrior, earning another night of luxury at the spa hotel. And it was the mega jock Lightning who lost his battle with Sky and for the million bucks, earning him a ticket to loserville. Only 6 campers are left! Who will win? Who will lose? Who will stop Mal from taking over in the most dramatic bonfire ceremony yet? Find out tonight on a brand new episode of…TOTAL! DRAMA! ALL-STARS!
(Theme song)
Dear mom and dad, I'm doing fine
You guys are on my mind
You asked me what I wanted to be, now I think the answer is plain to see
I wanna be famous!
I wanna live close to the sun
Well pack your bags 'cause I've already won
Everything to prove nothing in my way
I'll get there one day
'Cause I wanna be famous!
Na, na, na-na-na-na, na-na-na, na, na-na-na-na
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!
(Whistling)
(the next morning after the Ninja Warrior challenge, the 6 remaining campers are just chilling. Jasmine, Lindsay, Courtney and Brick are sitting on the porch of their cabin)
Lindsay: My arms totally feel like noodles after that Ninja Warrior challenge!
Courtney: You and the rest of us.
Jasmine: I'm bummed I didn't win, but I'm happy for Sky.
Brick: Affirmative. Me too.
Lindsay: I heard you and Sky are a thing now! That's so sweet!
Brick: Yes, it is. (confessional) Sky and I make a great team. Ever since day 1, we've been battle buddies. Hopefully we can go to the finale together!
(in the spa hotel, Sky is relaxing on her bed)
Sky: (confessional) I'm happy to be moving up the ranks and excelling in the challenges! If I keep it up, I could make it to the finale again! Going there with Brick would be awesome! And you know? I kinda miss Lightning a little. He was my favorite guy to tease and beat! (giggles) Oh well. As long as I have my battle buddy Brick, it's all good!
(while the others are hanging out outside the cabin, Mal hides behind the cabin, devising an evil plan)
Mal: (confessional) Lindsay has the DVD, I know she does! And I will not sleep until I get it back!
(In Mike's subconscious, Mike and his personalities are carrying out their plan)
Mike: Okay, let's move!
Svetlana: Here doggies doggies doggies! (the guard dogs growl and try to attack Svetlana, but she's too quick and agile for them! With the dogs distracted, Vito borrows Manitoba's boomerang and throws it at the cameras, breaking them all! With the cameras broken and the dogs distracted, Vito and Manitoba hold off the dogs and fight them while Svetlana clears a path through the barbed wire while Mike and Chester go straight through unscathed!)
Mike: Alright! We did it!
Svetlana: Huzzah!
Chester: (sarcastic) Yeah yeah. What about them? (points to Vito and Manitoba fighting the dogs)
Manitoba: Don't worry mates! We got 'em!
Vito: Yeah! Nothing we can't handle! (they continue to fight the dogs until they vanish into Mike's mind. Vito and Manitoba are scratched up, but triumphant)
Mike: Nice going guys! Now we go inside.
Manitoba: Careful mates, there might be booby traps.
Mike: Thanks for the warning. (Mike reads the sign on the door. It shows 5 people on it and Mal's face) Hey, look! It says, 5 person entry! We make 5! Jackpot! Come on guys! Pull! (everyone pulls, but the door doesn't budge) Come on! Is everyone pulling?
Everyone: Yes!
Mike: Chester!
Chester: What? I got noodles for arms!
Mike: Ugh! On the count of 3! 1…2…3! (they pull and the door swings open! Mike and his personalities enter the lobby of the tower) YES! One problem down… (they look up and see a long spiral staircase that goes up 100 stories to the top!) One disaster to go.
Chester: Please tell me there's an elevator!
Manitoba: You mean that bird cage? I'm afraid there's only one way we can go.
Mike: (sighs dreadfully) This is gonna be a long walk. (they start going up the stairs)
(Lindsay decides to tell the others about Mal)
Lindsay: Guys, I found a DVD of that Mal guy causing trouble!
Brick: A DVD, you say? Intriguing.
Jasmine: Yeah, that guy is totally a snake! He kicked off so many people!
Courtney: So Alejandro was right! Mal is the greater evil! (confessional) Look, it still bugs me that Lindsay is still in the game, as I have unfinished business with her. But right now Mal is the biggest threat. So we need all the help we can get to stop him!
(Mal is eavesdropping on the conversation)
Brick: Then we should stand together to ensure our safety! Strength in numbers! And I'm sure Sky will be in on it as well.
Mal: (confessional) I'll make sure it doesn't happen. (snickers evilly)
(suddenly, Chef makes an announcement on the loudspeaker)
Chef: (loudspeaker) Listen up maggots! All campers report to the dock of shame immediately! (everyone makes a run for it! They meet Chef at the dock, who is dressed in his drill sergeant attire)
Sky: Uh, where's Chris?
Chef: Shut your mouth private! None ya goddamn beeswax where Chris is! I'm in charge today! Now, left face! (everyone turns to where they're facing forward, towards the island) Dress up that line! (they stand fully erect, except Lindsay. She is confused. Chef whacks her in the butt with his baton)
Lindsay: Ow!
Chef: Stand up straight dammit! (she stands up straight)
Courtney: (confessional) Oh God…Chef's boot camp from season 1…I got a bad feeling about this.
Lindsay: (confessional) I'm not ready to go to war yet! Unless I'm going as Admiral Lindsay her hotness! Hey, where did I leave my Admiral uniform?
Chef: Today's challenge is my boot camp from season 1. Which will not be easy. And I won't be surprised if some of you die today! (Lindsay gulps)
Mal: (quietly to himself) Ooooh, I'm so scared.
Chef: Who said that? WHO THE (censored) SAID THAT?! WHO'S THE SLIMEY LITTLE (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) SUCKER DOWN HERE WHO JUST SIGNED HIS OWN DEATH WARRANT?! (nobody owns up) So it was the (censored) Easter Bunny!
Mal: (evilly) Wrong. It was me.
Chef: Well, no (censored), Sherlock! Look at you, all skinny and thin as a rail! Private Lanky! There's one thing you won't like about today's challenge, you're not getting any of that redhead's ass anytime soon! Do you suck (censored)?
Mal: Yuck! No!
Chef: Are you a (censored)?
Mal: No!
Chef: I didn't think so. (turns to Jasmine) What about you? Jesus H. Christ! A walking tree! How tall are you?
Jasmine: Uh, 6 foot 9.
Chef: 6 foot 9? I didn't know they stack (censored) that high! From now on, you're Private Stretch! Do you like that name?
Jasmine: Uh, sure? Why not?
Chef: Very good. Carry on. (turns to Lindsay) What's your excuse, blue eyed demon?
Lindsay: Blue eyed demon? I prefer to be called "Admiral Lindsay her hotness."
Chef: That name sucks! You're not a damn sailor, Private! This is the army! And in my platoon, you're Private Airhead!
Lindsay: Airhead?!
Chef: Affirm! That's your name, embrace it! (turns to Courtney) as for you, you're Private Princess!
Courtney: Duncan would call me that to aggravate me. But that was before we started dating.
Chef: Shut up! (turns to Brick) You look like the most respectable recruit on this dock! What's your name and rank?
Brick: Sergeant Brick McArthur sir!
Chef: Then you shall be called by your real name. You're Sergeant McArthur!
Brick: Sir yes sir!
Chef: At ease. (turns to Sky) And finally you. I didn't know children were old enough to join my core! You're so short, you probably don't meet the height requirement at the amusement park! From now on, you're Private Midget!
Sky: Hey! Don't go picking on the short people, you big (censored)!
Chef: Drop and give me 20! Now! (Sky drops and does her 20 push-ups in no time flat)
Sky: Done!
Chef: Holy Jesus! That's a new record for completing 20 push-ups! Outstanding! (to the others) Now, let me finish the introduction so we can get started! First off, you will address me as Drill Sergeant! From now on, the only words that will come out of your mouth are yes or no Drill Sergeant. Is that clear?
Everyone: Yes Drill Sergeant!
Chef: Now, the challenge is simple but challenging. It is set up to where you shouldn't have to think, you just do it. The last person standing will win invincibility. Is that understood?
Everyone: Yes Drill Sergeant!
Chef: Now get your monkey asses to the clearing soldiers! Move! Move! Move! (everyone runs to their destination)
Lindsay: (confessional) This is going to be a long day…
Sky: (confessional) This soldier can handle the physicality of military challenges. Dammit, I'm an aspiring Olympian! I got this!
Brick: (confessional) Just another day at the office for Sergeant McArthur. (salutes) I won't let you down!
(everyone meets Chef in the clearing)
Chef: Listen up! In order to win today's challenge, you will have to not hold anything back, because I will push you until you can't push no more! Now, see this obstacle course here? (everyone looks over at it) I did NOT say look at that! (everyone looks back at Chef) Now you may look at it. (everyone looks at the course) You will all run this course and try to be the first one to reach the end. Whoever can reach the end of the course first wins. Obstacle number 1, the hula hoop tire run. Obstacle number 2, the rope slope. You got 4 ropes to choose from, but some might hurt you. So be careful. Obstacle number 3, cross the monkey bars which are positioned above the alligator pool. Obstacle number 4, the minefield. There are bombs everywhere in this obstacle, so watch your step! And finally, obstacle number 5. The zipline. Slide across the line without falling into the ravine. Which you'll need climbing gear to do so. (an intern gives everyone backpacks full of climbing gear) Your climbing gear is in these bags. But if you leave your bag behind, you will be penalized! Is that clear?
Everyone: Yes Drill Sergeant!
(everyone is putting on their backpacks when Lindsay, Sky, Brick and Jasmine huddle)
Sky: Okay, we're all in against Mal?
Jasmine: Right!
Lindsay: Right!
Brick: Affirmative!
Sky: Courtney?
Courtney: Huh?
Sky: Aren't you joining us?
Courtney: No thanks. I'm going it alone. (confessional) Like I said, Lindsay. But, Mal. Meh, I'll manage. I'm a lone wolf, a bald eagle, a burrowing hamster!
Sky: Okay, suit yourself. (to the others) Whatever happens, do not let Mal lure you into a trap!
Brick: Affirmative! And break!
Chef: Go maggots! Go!
(the 6 campers take on the hula hoop tire run. Lindsay trips and gets her boot caught)
Lindsay: Aw crap! My foot! It's stuck!
(Brick comes over to help)
Brick: I've come to help!
Lindsay: Thanks! But, you should go on!
Brick: A good soldier never leaves a man behind! (he pulls Lindsay free)
Chef: Sergeant McArthur is speaking my language!
Chris: Well, I can see you have this under control. I'm going to the hotel to make the most of the crappy accommodations. (he leaves)
Chef: You do that Chris!
(Jasmine is easily maneuvering through the tires, when Mal throws a tire and hits her in the face! The force knocks her backwards and gets her butt stuck in a tire!)
Jasmine: Ugh! Great! (she manages to get on her feet, but she's still stuck in the tire! She waddles her way across and Chef laughs)
Chef: (confessional) I couldn't help laughing at that!
(Sky and Brick pull the tire off Jasmine and they keep moving)
Jasmine: Phew! Thanks mates!
Sky: You're welcome!
Brick: Happy to be of service!
(Courtney is easily crossing the tires. Ahead, Brick and Sky reach the ropes. One is licorice, one an electric wire, one made of dog hair, and a normal rope. Brick and Sky start climbing, but Sky notices something off about her rope)
Sky: Huh? (sniffs it) P.U! Is that dog hair?! Nasty!
Brick: Keep it up battle buddy! Double time!
Sky: Right behind you! AH-CHOO! (she falls down and lands on her butt) Ow! That hurt! (Brick jumps down and helps Sky up)
Brick: You good?
Sky: Yeah. Thanks Brick. (she blushes as Mal reaches the ropes and climbs. Sky and Brick start climbing again. Jasmine reaches the ropes and she climbs too)
Sky: Uh, Jasmine? That rope is dog hair.
Jasmine: Huh? Ugh! Why?!
Sky: I know right? Disgusting! (Brick reaches the top and he waits for Sky. Mal is climbing the licorice rope. He sniffs it) Licorice? (snickers evilly) Time to make this more challenging for the next sucker. (he takes a bite and climbs. Courtney and Lindsay reach the ropes. Courtney climbs the normal rope and Lindsay climbs the electric wire without thinking. Suddenly, ZAP!)
Lindsay: Owie! (Sky and Jasmine reach the top and move on)
Courtney: Lindsay! That's an electric wire! Try another!
Lindsay: Okay! (she takes the licorice rope instead. As she climbs, the rope snaps! She falls all the way back down!) Ow! Right on the rump!
(Courtney rolls her eyes and keeps climbing. Mal is impressed with his evil deed and moves on to the next obstacle. Lindsay climbs the normal rope)
Chef: Does anyone have the guts to survive my boot camp? Find out when we come back!
(Commercial break)
(Meanwhile, Brick and Sky have reached the monkey bars. The alligator is swimming in the pool below)
Chef: And conquer those bars!
Brick: Stay close, teammate! You got it!
Sky: Yeah! This is easy! Just don't look down!
(Courtney reaches the monkey bars, along with Mal. Courtney starts making her way across while Mal walks on top of the bars! He passes everyone to catch up to Sky and Brick!)
Sky: Brick! Heads up!
Mal: Have a nice dip! (he swings and kicks Brick and Sky down into the water with the alligator! He laughs evilly as he keeps going)
Courtney: Oh no! (to Mal) Hey asshole! I'm coming for your lanky ass next!
Mal: (snickers) I can't wait. (he moves on to the next obstacle)
(Jasmine and Lindsay reach the monkey bars. Jasmine carries Lindsay across the top of the monkey bars in her arms)
Lindsay: Wow! You're strong!
Jasmine: Yeah, I spend a lot of time sparring kangaroos and crocodiles. It's quite a workout! (they reach the other side and move on. Brick and Sky are wrestling the alligator below)
Sky: (confessional/angry) If we win, it's 5 on 1! Mal is TOAST!
Brick: (confessional/angry) I will not rest until the target Mal is eradicated!
(Sky and Brick step out of the water with a few scratches and bite marks on their bodies, but are still strong!)
Sky: Mal's getting away! Come on! (they run towards the next obstacle)
(Mal and Courtney are first to reach the minefield)
Chef: Watch your step maggots! There are proximity mines everywhere!
Courtney: If I can handle a room full of lasers from Total Drama Action, then I can handle a lousy minefield!
Chef: Lousy?! LOUSY?!
Courtney: Yes Drill Sergeant! Besides, they're probably just harmless stink bombs or something.
Chef: I don't think you wanna keep going down that road, Princess! You better move before Lanky leaves you in the dust!
Mal: (evilly) Keep the root beer on ice! This won't take long.
Courtney: Not on my watch! (they run through the minefield, and bombs start going off!) Holy crap! (confessional) This could be harder than I anticipated! Well, here goes nothing!
(Courtney and Mal are neck and neck as they maneuver through the minefield and bombs are blowing up all around them!)
Mal: Outta my way, nimrod!
Courtney: Oh yeah? Come and move me!
Mal: (growls) First, I'll move your heart outside your chest! And then, I'll blacken your bones!
Courtney: (glaring) I'd like to see you try.
(Jasmine and Lindsay arrive at the minefield)
Lindsay: Oh my gosh!
Jasmine: Crikey!
Chef: Those land mines will blow you maggots to smithereens! (laughs evilly)
Lindsay: I look a lot better whole!
Jasmine: We'll just have to make a run for it! Besides, it's the only way we can go!
Lindsay: (gulps) Okay… (they run with bombs blowing up!) AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
Jasmine: That's it! Don't stop!
(Brick and Sky reach the minefield)
Brick: This should be a cinch! Back in Cadets, I made it through the minefield part of the obstacle course without a scratch!
Sky: (blushes) Awesome! Let's go! (she kisses him on the cheek for luck)
Brick: Move! Move! Move! Double time! (bombs blow up all around them as they run!)
Mal: (confessional) They're all in it against me. Each one is a threat in their own way. I must pick off the biggest threat first. Once they're gone, I can concentrate on getting rid of Mike! For GOOD!
(Sky and Brick easily make it across the minefield, passing everyone else to take the lead!)
Chef: Looks like Private Midget and Sergeant McArthur bounced all the way back! Outstanding!
(Courtney tries to pass Mal while avoiding the bombs going off)
Mal: Give up, slowpoke!
Courtney: (growls) Oh, now you've gone and made me angry! (she tackles Mal and they wrestle!)
Mal: You hit like a pixie!
Courtney: (angry) A PIXIE!? (she wrestles with him until, Mal kicks her backwards off of him!) Ow! That one may have nicked me, but you're going down, you son of a (censored)!
Mal: (evilly) And I'm spent.
Courtney: (angry/gets back up) Yes you need to learn the hard way! (runs after him)
(As Jasmine and Lindsay are dodging the bombs, their backpacks get stuck!)
Jasmine: Oh come on! Not now!
Lindsay: Bush! That's mine! Let go!
Jasmine: Pull! (they pull until their bags come free)
Lindsay: Ha! Take that bush!
Jasmine: Come on! Keep moving! (more bombs blow up as they run after the others. Courtney is still behind)
Lindsay: Courtney!
Courtney: Can't talk! Gonna kick Mal's ass first, then yours afterwards!
Lindsay: (confessional) My ass is not made for kicking!
(Brick and Sky advance past the minefield)
Brick: Mission accomplished, soldier! No scratches!
Sky: Yay us! (she blushes as they reach the zipline)
Brick: Zipline! Excellent!
Chef: (megaphone) Outstanding maggots! You made it to the final obstacle! Just zipline across over here where I am! Use the gear in your bags to accomplish this task!
Brick: Yes Drill Sergeant!
Sky: Let's see what we've got. (they look in their backpacks and find their ziplining gear) Sweet!
(Mal reaches the zipline)
Mal: (evilly) Well well well. Didn't think you'd see me again, did you?
Brick: Forget it, Mal! We will not let you win!
Sky: Yeah! Never underestimate the unstoppable duo of Brick and Sky!
Mal: (sarcastic) Uh huh. Sure. (he starts down the zipline)
Brick: Permission to explain an idea!
Sky: (giggles) Granted, soldier!
Brick: The zipline is at a downward angle from here. If we go together, our combined weight will increase our speed, therefore we can pass Mal!
Sky: (blushes) I love it! Brick, you're so smart! (they ride down the zipline together. Meanwhile, Courtney, Jasmine and Lindsay reach the zipline)
Lindsay: How do we get across the gorge?
Jasmine: We gotta use the zipline! Our backpacks have the gear to do the job! (they pull out their gear and they start down the zipline)
(Mal is leading, but Brick and Sky pass him! Courtney and Jasmine are gaining on Mal!)
Mal: Oh no! You are not winning this!
Jasmine: The only person not winning is you! Move it or lose it, ya wily kangaroo!
Lindsay: Yeah! You big bully!
Courtney: Go go go!
(then, Brick and Sky cross the finish line!
Sky: WOO HOO! We did it!
Brick: Mission accomplished! Well done battle buddy! (they hug and Sky kisses him. The remaining 4 are still on the zipline)
Courtney: Get him! (she jumps and grabs onto Mal! Jasmine and Lindsay too! They try to slow him down!)
Mal: (angry) Let go of me, you filthy animals!
Jasmine: Never!
Mal: Fine! (he uses his leg to kick the 3 girls down into the ravine below!)
Jasmine, Lindsay and Courtney: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! (SPLASH! They land in the water as Mal crosses the finish line!)
Chef: Alright, game's over! Sergeant McArthur and Private Midget tie for invincibility. As for the rest of you, you're on the chopping block tonight. (to Brick and Sky/salutes) Congratulations soldiers! I can go to war with you two anytime.
Brick: (salutes back) Thank you Drill Sergeant!
(Sky salutes too)
Chef: (confessional) That man is gonna be a General someday.
(that evening, the campers are having dinner outside the cabins and they talk about who to vote off)
Lindsay: Phew! What a day! I still feel like noodles after that!
Courtney: It's supposed to feel that way. No pain no gain.
Brick: We did something similar back in Cadets.
Jasmine: My experience in the Outback wasn't nearly as brutal as this one today.
Sky: I hear ya. I've been through very rigorous training before, but that was the most intense by far!
(everyone agrees)
Sky: (to everyone) So it's decided on who to vote off?
Everyone: Mal.
Sky: Awesome! He's a goner!
(Mal is eavesdropping on them. He hatches up a plan)
Mal: (confessional) Or am I? (snickers evilly)
(in Mike's subconscious, Mike and his personalities are climbing the long vertical staircase to the top of the tower)
Chester: Are we there yet?!
Manitoba: Not yet mate. Still got another 96 floors to go.
Vito: Ain't that just peachy?!
Svetlana: I could just hand spring all the way up!
Mike: But the rest of us can't.
Chester: Eh, wake me up when we get there. (he passes out while Mike piggybacks him up the stairs)
(that night at the elimination ceremony, the final 6 are with Chef and Chris)
Chef: Elimination time, maggots! One of you is going home tonight, except for Sergeant McArthur and Private Midget, who have invincibility.
Chris: You can just call them by their real names now dude. Challenge is over.
Chef: Fine. Brick and Sky. Here's your invincibility. (he gives them marshmallows. Lindsay, Courtney, Jasmine, and Mal are left. Chef grins evilly as they wait) Courtney.
Courtney: Yes!
Chef: Lindsay.
Lindsay: YAY! (Courtney glares at her as Jasmine and Mal are left)
Chef: And the final marshmallow goes to… (Mal and Jasmine glare at each other as they wait. The others are anxious) Mal. (everyone is shocked! Mal grins evilly as he eats his marshmallow)
Jasmine: What?! How?! But we all voted for Mal!
Brick: Affirmative! How is that possible?
Chris: It's always a shock when someone is booted.
Jasmine: But, can't we do a recount or something?
Sky: Seriously! We didn't vote for her! (without another word, Chef escorts Jasmine to the dock of shame and to the boat of losers)
Mal: (confessional) Another one bites the dust. (he reveals he tampered with the votes and snickers evilly)
Sky: I'm sorry things turned out the way they did Jasmine. I'll miss you!
Lindsay: Bye Jasmine!
Brick: (salutes) Farewell.
Jasmine: Bye mates. Good luck! (she sails away into the night)
Sky: (confessional) This isn't right! We all voted Mal! I know we did! I think there was some tampering going on!
Chris: And Total Drama has lost another very capable player! Only 5 campers left! Who will be next to lose and sail away into the mysterious beyond forever? Find out next time on an all-new episode of…TOTAL! DRAMA! ALL-STARS!
(credits)
ELIMINATION ORDER
PRE-MERGE
24th: Sugar
23rd: Max
22nd: Jo
21st: Sierra
20th: Owen
19th: Cameron
18th: Heather
17th: Shawn
16th: Scarlett
POST-MERGE
15th: Zoey
14th: Duncan
13th: Scott
12th: Izzy
11th: Alejandro
10th: Gwen
9th: Geoff
8th: Sammy
7th: Lightning
6th: Jasmine