Total Drama All-Stars Rewritten: Episode 29
RATED TV-14
This episode contains material that may be inappropriate for viewers under the age of 14. Viewer discretion is advised.
I Triple Dog Dare You II
WARNING: This episode contains lots of puking.
(Recap)
Chris: Last time on Total Drama All-Stars, the final 4 campers got their pirate on and went searching for special treasure. Courtney made a new friend after nearly getting eaten by ferocious felines in the last adventure. Mal had plenty more tricks up his sleeve. Brick was on his own for the first time. In the end, it was Courtney who scored the win. And Sergeant Brick McArthur who walked the dock of shame. Leaving 3 campers who won't know what hit them this week! Who will be going to the finale? And who will be the final camper to ride off into the sunset? Wanna find out? Then I triple dog dare you to watch tonight's episode of…TOTAL! DRAMA! ALL-STARS!
(Theme song)
Dear mom and dad, I'm doing fine
You guys are on my mind
You asked me what I wanted to be, now I think the answer is plain to see
I wanna be famous!
I wanna live close to the sun
Well pack your bags 'cause I've already won
Everything to prove nothing in my way
I'll get there one day
'Cause I wanna be famous!
Na, na, na-na-na-na, na-na-na, na, na-na-na-na
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!
(Whistling)
(the next morning in the spa hotel, Courtney wakes up with a smile)
Courtney: Ahh. Another glorious morning in the spa. (she goes over to the masseuse to get a relaxing massage. But when she gets there, Chris is there!)
Chris: (to the intern) Put your back into it! (the intern massages him faster)
Courtney: Uhh…I thought you didn't like it here.
Chris: Hey! I'm just trying to make the most of this crappy dump!
Courtney: You're so ungrateful! If you didn't move in here, you'd be out on the street, living off of mice and worms for sustenance, and you'd be begging for money to buy beer! You know I'm right!
Chris: That last part won't happen! I'm a famous TV host! So my contract will make sure I don't go broke!
Courtney: (sarcastic) Which totally helped the time you dumped us in Jamaica.
Chris: I needed to upgrade my accommodations for the plane! If you were me, you'd do the same!
Courtney: No I wouldn't! I'm not that shallow! Ugh! (confessional) The spa hotel is great. I wish I could stay for always. But having to share it with Chris is about as much fun as listening to nails on a chalkboard.
Chris: (confessional) If Chef ever fiddles around with my stuff again, he's gonna be so sorry!
(Later, Chris comes on the loudspeaker)
Chris: (loudspeaker) Good morning campers! Today, as a reward for making it to the final 3, we're giving you an all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast in the spa hotel! (Chef is in the kitchen making the pancakes. He is grumpy after Chris getting onto him about before)
Courtney: (confessional) I'm really glad to still be in the game. Just gotta hang in there and keep my eye on the prize! Do it for law school, Courtney! Do it for law school!
Lindsay: (confessional) I make it all the way to the final 3, AND we get pancakes in the same day?! Am I dreaming? EEEEEEEE!
Mal: (confessional) I knew I'd make it all the way here. Just these 2 losers and then my dreams of living like a real villain can come true.
(in Mike's subconscious, Mike and his personalities seem to be stumped with decoding the lock to the control room)
Mike: Ugh! It's no use! We tried everything! I guess it just wasn't meant to be.
Manitoba: Not so fast, kookaburra! (he notices some writing on the bottom of Chester's shoe) Chester, hold up your foot!
Chester: What's the big idea, ya ninny?!
Manitoba: Just hold still! (he holds up Chester's shoe, showing the combination to the lock! He punches it in and the door is unlocked! Mike and his personalities barge inside to find Mal at the console controlling Mike's mind!)
Mal: Huh? You! Impossible! How did you get in?!
Mike: By working together, that's how! Now give up the whole schtick Mal! This has gone far enough!
Mal: Nah, my day has finally dawned.
Mike: I don't think so! We followed our destiny to stop you!
Mal: You have followed it to your doom. (they all are about to fight!)
(In the spa hotel, the final 3 are getting their pancakes. Courtney and Lindsay are happy to be having pancakes. Mal glares at them)
Lindsay: Wow Chef! These pancakes look really good!
Courtney: They really do!
(Chef is mumbling under his breath angrily)
Courtney: Uh, okay then.
Lindsay: Aw, don't be upset! It's pancakes! Pancakes are yummy!
(Chef growls at Lindsay and she sits down)
Mal: Hmph. I've seen better. (Chef bends his spatula in his hand)
Courtney: (confessional) I'm pretty sure one million dollars will cover for my entire tuition. But I also want to make sure the other 2 losers lose, you know? They've been messing with the wrong lawyer girl!
Mal: (confessional) This just must be the easiest competition yet. Why not just hand me the cash? I think we all know who's going to win here.
Lindsay: (confessional) The day couldn't have started out better! Final 3 and pancakes! What more could you want? Well, besides all the lip gloss I could buy with the million.
Courtney: (confessional) I have to say, Lindsay has surprised me by hanging around this long! I did not expect her to make it this far! My God!
Lindsay: (confessional) I enjoyed my time here! I made lots of new friends and ran into old ones too! But I miss my Tyler most of all! If I win, I'll share part of my winnings with him!
Mal: (confessional) After I defeat these last 2 weaklings, I'll use the money to start building that tower I always wanted to stay in. The one that overlooks a volcano. And I know just where that could be.
Courtney: (confessional) I just want these challenges to go by faster so I can go home and use my winnings to get into law school. Mal has screwed me over lots of times, but I'm not done with Lindsay after the challenges she cost me in season 2. No one is taking my million away this time!
Lindsay: (confessional) If I do end up winning, I might consider giving some of my winnings to Courtney! You know, as a truce for what happened in season 2! Yeah, she can be mean and bossy sometimes, but I think somewhere beneath that rough exterior beats a heart of gold!
Mal: (confessional) With Mike still trapped in my subconscious with no way out, these peons can forget about trying to defeat me to bring him back. Especially Zoey. She got what she deserves.
(Later, the final 3 campers meet Chris at the stage)
Chris: Welcome to the Total Drama All-Stars semifinals! You 3 have exceeded expectations this season by making it all the way to this point in the game! So kudos to all of you for that! But the producers have figured you got here way too easily. So today is going to really be a kick in the pants! (Courtney and Lindsay are nervous) You may remember season 1's lethal game of spin the bottle and do a dare challenge. That's right, that gut-wrenching fiasco has returned! And the eliminated all-stars have plenty of dares for you! Starting with…Lightning, Duncan, Scott, Alejandro, Scarlett, Max, Sugar, Jo, Heather, Gwen, Zoey, Cameron, Geoff, Sierra, Sky, Jasmine, Brick, Shawn, Samey, Izzy, and the large and lovable food-loving goofball, my man Owen!
Mal: (sarcastic) Oh joy. We're playing kiddy games now.
Lindsay: Yay! I love truth or dare! It's so fun seeing what kind of dares people come up with!
Courtney: Ugh.
Chris: Here's how it works. You each take turns spinning the bottle. Once you land on a camper, you have 2 options. 1, you can do the dare yourself, or 2, dare an opponent to do the dare.
Mal: How intriguing.
Chris: But watch out! Anyone who declines to do a dare is voted off the island right on the spot. (Courtney and Lindsay gasp! Mal grins evilly)
Mal: (confessional) Okay, now you've got my attention. Let's play. (he snickers evilly)
Chris: Okay, who wants to go first?
Lindsay: (excited) Oh! Oh! Me! I'll go!
Chris: Sure, whatever.
Lindsay: Yay! (she happily spins the bottle)
Chris: (confessional) Remember that little side bet Chef and I made first season? Yeah, we're keeping that alive again. Whoever pukes first has to give the other guy 100 bucks. Dammit, I lost that bet first season! Now it's time for revenge! Heh heh heh!
(the bottle lands on Alejandro)
Chris: Alejandro's dare…Wear Chef's undies! (everyone gasps!) Lindsay, you can either do the dare yourself, or dare one of your opponents to do it.
Lindsay: Okay! Uh…I dare…him! (she points at Mal and Mal is disgusted! Chef brings in his dirty boxers! Mal puts them on)
Mal: This is ridiculous. (Lindsay and Courtney laugh) Yeah yeah, laugh it up morons.
Chris: (laughs) Nice job Mal! Heh heh heh! That was sick! You're up!
(Mal growls at Lindsay as he spins the bottle. It lands on Scott)
Chris: Scott's dare is…defeat Fang in a fight!
Mal: (evilly) I dare Courtney. (Courtney gasps!)
Courtney: (confessional/nervous) I'm sure I'll be fine! I mean, I beat up 2 sharks in the animal buddy challenge! I got a few scrapes and scratches, but I was okay! For the most part…
(Courtney is in the ring with Fang! They square up and they start fighting! Courtney punches and kicks the shark and he tries to bite! Courtney dodges and puts the shark in a headlock, making him lose consciousness!)
Chris: Fang has lost his will to fight! Courtney wins by submission!
Courtney: YES!
(Next, Courtney spins the bottle. It lands on Heather)
Courtney: Uh oh.
Chris: Heather's dare…drink an entire jug of expired milk!
Courtney: (thinks for a second) Hmm…I'll take it!
Lindsay: Ew!
Chris: But…it's expired milk!
Courtney: 2 words. Iron…stomach.
Chris: Okay then… (Chef gives her a jug of milk that is 1 year expired. Courtney chugs the whole thing. Chris and Chef start to gag, but they hold it in)
Courtney: Pathetic. Although it tasted like toxic sludge.
Chris: Congrats Courtney, you win the first freebie!
Courtney: YES!
Mal: (confessional) This is going to be a long day…
(Commercial break)
Chris: Welcome back to the semifinals! So far nobody's dropped out! But anything could happen! Mal, you're up.
(Mal growls at Chris as he spins the bottle. It lands on Jasmine)
Chris: Feed an iguana with your mouth.
Mal: That doesn't sound so hard. (Chef brings in an iguana and a cockroach. Mal places the cockroach gently between his teeth and is about to feed the iguana when…the lizard's long sticky tongue wraps around Mal's head! Mal struggles to pull free)
Chris: (laughs) I wasn't expecting that to happen! Heh heh heh!
Mal: (pulls the lizard off him) Where's the damn freebie?! (he takes it from Chef)
Lindsay: My turn now! And this time, I'll do it myself. (she spins the bottle and it lands on Jo) (confessional) This game is a lot scarier than what I made it out to be! But I can't quit now! It's just, why go through all this just to buy a lifetime supply of lip gloss?
(Lindsay's next dare is to swim in a pond with jellyfish!)
Chris: That's so dangerous! Heh heh heh! If you can swim in this pond of jellyfish for 30 seconds, you'll get your freebie. (Lindsay gulps nervously)
Lindsay: Oh well, here it goes! (she jumps in the pond! She gets zapped by the jellyfish! They latch onto her body as she climbs out!)
Chris: Yikes! Way to power through it! (Lindsay is still getting zapped) Okay, she needs help. Chef? (Chef carefully peels off the jellyfish and rinses Lindsay's stings with vinegar)
Chef: (confessional) Pissing on a jellyfish sting actually doesn't work. Rinse the affected area with vinegar for at least 30 seconds. Rubbing alcohol works too.
Chris: Okay, Lindsay needs a little more time with her treatment before we continue.
(Later, Courtney spins the bottle and it lands on Scott)
Chris: Clean Chef's feet!
(everyone is disgusted!)
Courtney: Lindsay.
Lindsay: (nervous) Uh…can I use the freebie?
Chris: You can, yes.
Lindsay: Then I'll use it!
Courtney: (under her breath) Crap.
(Lindsay spins the bottle and it lands on Izzy)
Chris: Eat dog food.
Lindsay: I dare Courtney right back! (Courtney gets nervous)
Courtney: (confessional) It can't be that bad. I already drank a whole jug of expired milk! And if I can handle Chinese delicacies, this should be a breeze. (then, she gets an uneasy feeling in her stomach!) Uh oh…
(Courtney starts feeling uneasy as Chef brings her a plate of dog food)
Chris: (confessional) That's so gross! Chef is toast!
Courtney: No sweat. Here goes nothing! (she closes her eyes and eats the dog food! She eats everything on the plate) Hmm, kinda tastes like chicken.
(Chris pukes! He gives Chef $100. Then, Chef pukes! Lindsay and Mal puke too! Then, Courtney really feels nauseous! She pukes everywhere!)
Courtney: (confessional/holding her gut) Ehhh…dog food plus expired milk is NOT a good…a good…(pukes) I need my mouthwash!
(Mal spins the bottle and it lands on Zoey)
Mal: Pffft. What dare could Zoey possibly think of?
Chris: Stick your hands in a nest of fire ants for 1 minute.
Mal: Lindsay. (he grins evilly! Lindsay is scared since she doesn't have a freebie!)
Lindsay: Oh no!
Chris: Remember what's at stake Lindsay! Chicken out of your dare, and it's the dock of shame for you.
Lindsay: (gathers courage) It's on! (confessional) I've already been stung by jellyfish and now I have to be bitten by ants? Oh, he's going DOWN!
(Lindsay is right by the anthill. She is nervous)
Chris: If you can take the pain for a whole minute, you're still in the game. And don't worry, Chef has all the medical precautions ready.
(Lindsay takes a deep breath and sticks her hands in the dirt. The ants start crawling on her and she is getting stung and bitten!)
Lindsay: AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! OW OW OW OW OW! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
Chris: 10…9…8…7…
Lindsay: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Chris: 6…5…4…3…2…1…time's up!
(Lindsay quickly removes her hands from the anthill, and she is still covered in ants!)
Chris: Okay Chef, medical treatment please! (Chef uses ice packs and calamine lotion to treat Lindsay's ant bites. Mal grins evilly at Lindsay. Lindsay gives him the finger)
(Next, Courtney takes her turn. She spins the bottle and it lands on Sky)
Chris: Drop a tray of ice into your undies and let them melt.
Courtney: Piece of cake! I can handle that! (Chef brings in a bucket of ice cubes. Courtney grabs the ice cubes and sticks them in her pants. She feels discomfort from the extreme cold, but she carries on) Okay, give me the damn freebie! (she takes it)
(Lindsay goes next. She spins the bottle and it lands on Brick)
Chris: Lick Chef's armpit. (everyone is disgusted!)
Lindsay: Mal. (Mal glares at Lindsay as Chef lifts his arm, revealing his smelly hairy pit!)
Mal: (confessional) This is so undignified. Lindsay won't know what hit her.
Chef: Don't hold back now boy!
Mal: Shut up. (he closes his eyes and licks Chef's pit! Chris gags and pukes! Mal falls over and gags and twitches! Lindsay and Courtney wanted to laugh, but they puke!)
Chris: (confessional) Okay, that was (censored) disgusting! (he pukes) What won't these bastards do?!
Mal: (confessional) Does that (censored) grow mushrooms under there?! (pukes)
(Montage)
(Courtney's dare is to put braces on a beaver. She successfully completes her dare)
Courtney: (confessional) Just…why?
(Mal's next dare is being coiled by a snake for 30 seconds. He struggles, but he completes the dare)
Lindsay: (confessional) Now he knows how it feels to be given the hug of death! (giggles)
(Lindsay's next dare is to wear baby clothes! She is dressed in a hair bonnet and a diaper)
Lindsay: (confessional) That wasn't so bad. It was kinda cute, actually!
(Courtney facepalms in the confessional)
(Next, Courtney has to lick the communal bathroom floor! She hesitates at first, but she does it! Chris and Chef puke everywhere!)
Courtney: (confessional/brushing her teeth) I'm gonna kill him! (she pukes)
(Mal's next dare is to drink a whole bottle of apple cider vinegar. He chugs the whole thing! Then he starts having a reaction! He wheezes)
(End montage)
Chris: Wow, everyone is still alive and you all have your fair share of freebies! It's still anyone's game!
Courtney: (confessional) Lindsay is a nuisance, but Mal is the bigger threat, so I gotta get rid of him first! Besides, if Lindsay makes it to the finale with me, she won't stand a chance!
Lindsay: (confessional) They're both pretty threatening! But Mal seems to be the scarier one! I mean, he's scarier than Heather, Gwen and Courtney combined!
Mal: (confessional) That million dollars is all mine. (laughs evilly)
(Mal takes his turn and and it lands on Geoff)
Chris: Give a purple nurple to a sleeping bear.
Mal: Courtney.
Courtney: Crap!
Lindsay: What's a purple nurple?
(Courtney sneaks over to a bear cave where the bear is sleeping)
Courtney: (whispers) This is outrageous! I mean, who would actually do- AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (she runs away from the angry bear! The bear scratches it's chest after Courtney pinched it)
(Next, Lindsay takes her turn. It lands on Scarlett)
Chris: Sit in a pool of green jello for 30 seconds.
Lindsay: Courtney! (Courtney's eyes widen to the size of dinner plates!)
Courtney: I hate you! (she looks at the pool of jello in disgust and fear! She bravely steps in and sits in the jello) Oh my God! So gross!
Chris: 5…4…3…2…1…time! (Courtney shot out like a rocket! She is covered in green jello!)
Courtney: Can I…take a shower?
Chris: Sure, you're excused. But come right back.
Courtney: Yeah, yeah. (she glares meanly at Lindsay as she leaves to take a shower. Lindsay smiles smugly)
(Later, Courtney returns. Mal spins the bottle and it lands on Sugar)
Chris: Kiss a dead fish.
Mal: Courtney.
Courtney: Oh come on! Ugh! Fine! (she picks up the dead fish and then…she goes in for the kill! Chris and Chef puke! Lindsay pukes too! Courtney is gargling mouthwash in the confessional)
(Lindsay spins the bottle and it lands on Duncan)
Chris: Sit in a pool of leeches for 10 seconds. (Lindsay points at Mal)
Lindsay: (confessional) There's no way in hell I'm doing leeches! I've been stung by jellyfish and bitten by fire ants! And dammit, that's just today! That's punishment enough right there!
Mal: Whatever. (he sits in the pool of leeches. He starts to feel uneasy as the leeches latch onto him and start sucking his blood!) AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! (he jumps out just in time! He is covered in leeches and he pulls them off of himself. Lindsay smiles smugly. Then, Mal stomps on Lindsay's foot)
Lindsay: Ow! (Mal gives her the finger)
(Courtney takes her turn and it lands on Heather)
Courtney: Uh oh…
Chris: Defuse a time bomb in 5 minutes or less.
(Courtney dares Mal)
Mal: Fine. I can handle a pity bomb. It's probably just a stupid stink bomb anyway.
(Chef brings in the bomb, and has been set for 5 minutes. Mal starts fiddling around with the codes. Then, in Mike's subconscious, Mike and his personalities are fighting Mal! Svetlana tries a flying kick, but Mal dodges and Svetlana crashes into the wall! Manitoba tries his lasso, but Mal grabs the lasso before it wraps around him! He uses the lasso on Manitoba! He is now tied up! Vito is throwing punches, while Mal throws punches back! Mal uppercuts Vito square in the jaw, knocking him out! Chester whacks Mal with his cane, but Mal takes the cane and whacks Chester in the head with it! Mike's personalities are KO'd! Leaving just Mike and Mal!)
Mike: Your rampage ends right here, right now!
Mal: Come and try it, toothpick! (they start fighting! They throw punches and kicks at each other, not holding back! After a few minutes of their fighting, Mike finally has Mal pinned. Mal struggles, but Mike won't let go!)
Mal: You can't do this to me! No one will ever cross you with me in charge! I'm a part of you!
Mike: A part of me that I don't need anymore. See you never, Mal!
(Mike's personalities get back up and lock Mal inside a brain cell!)
Mal: No! NO! THIS IS MY TIME! MIIIIIINNNNNNNEEEEEEEEE!
(He floats away into the depths of Mike's mind, never to return! Mike and his personalities cheer!)
Mike: We did it! You guys were awesome!
Vito: But he kicked our asses!
Manitoba: Maybe, but you were the real hero mate.
Svetlana: Yes! The console is yours!
Chester: Yeah yeah. What the heck.
Mike: Thank you guys. Thank you. (he regains control of himself)
Mike: Yes! I'm back! WOO HOO!
Chris: Huh? Did I miss something?
Courtney: Mal?
Mike: Nah, it's me, Mike! I'm back!
Lindsay: Huh? I'm confused.
Chris: Mike? You're back? I thought it was Mal.
Mike: Maybe for a while. But he's gone now! And I'm back in control! And that's all that matters!
Chris: That's cool. But, dude, the clock is ticking!
Mike: A bomb?! (suddenly, KA-BOOM! The bomb explodes, splattering green paint all over Mike!)
Chris: Wow, what an unfortunate accident. Looks like Mike is out.
Mike: Aww man! Wait, but I accepted the dare!
Chris: True, but you didn't complete it. If you had, you'd still be in the running.
Mike: (sighs sadly) Aww. Oh well. At least I regained control of my mind again! And I get to keep my personalities with me! And Mal is gone! He's gone for good!
Lindsay: I'm a little confused, but I'm happy for you Mickey!
Mike: Uh, it's Mike.
Lindsay: Oops.
Chris: Lindsay, Courtney, congratulations! You each have secured your spots in the finale!
(Courtney and Lindsay cheer happily!)
Chris: Mike, sorry dude. The dock of shame awaits.
Mike: (sighs) Okay. Good luck in the finale guys!
Lindsay: Thanks!
Courtney: Take care Mike!
(Mike sails away into the distance on the boat of losers)
Chris: And then there were 2! (Courtney and Lindsay smile excitedly) Tune in to see who will become one million dollars richer in the season finale of…TOTAL! DRAMA! ALL-STARS!
(epilogue)
(Chef is cleaning the playing area because there is puke everywhere. He grumbles under his breath)
Chris: Glad I don't have to clean up that mess! Heh heh heh! Chef: You still lost the bet of who blows chunks first.
Chris: Whatever! Just keep scrubbing! I want this place spotless! And don't forget the air freshener! (Chef growls as he keeps cleaning)
(credits)
ELIMINATION ORDER
PRE-MERGE
24th: Sugar
23rd: Max
22nd: Jo
21st: Sierra
20th: Owen
19th: Cameron
18th: Heather
17th: Shawn
16th: Scarlett
POST-MERGE
15th: Zoey
14th: Duncan
13th: Scott
12th: Izzy
11th: Alejandro
10th: Gwen
9th: Geoff
8th: Sammy
7th: Lightning
6th: Jasmine
5th: Sky
4th: Brick
3rd: Mike