Total Drama All-Stars Rewritten: Episode 31 (season finale)
RATED TV-14
This episode contains material that may be inappropriate for viewers under the age of 14. Viewer discretion is advised.
Million Dollar WrestleMania
(Recap)
Chris: This season on Total Drama All-Stars, 24 competitors returned for another shot at 1 million dollars! Your favorite heroes and villains battled for supremacy in our most twisted and exciting challenges of all! But there were plenty of surprises that even threw me off guard! Alejandro could walk the whole time! Heather kidnapped me and led the others on a wild goose chase in the streets of Toronto! Izzy and Samey made their debut in the second chance challenge! Mike was hijacked by Mal, and left his best friends in the lurch. Now Mal is gone and Mike lives on! Unfortunately, he could not complete his dare, sending him home on the boat of losers. After 25 sick challenges, I never would have guessed our 2 finalists! Courtney and Lindsay! 2 rivals with a long string of history together on this show! They each were robbed in previous seasons, but now one of them is about to become a millionaire in our first girl vs. girl finale! Will it be absent-minded and air-headed Lindsay? Or the grumpy aspiring lawyer Courtney? Find out right here, right now on the season finale of…TOTAL! DRAMA! ALL-STARS!
(Theme song)
Dear mom and dad, I'm doing fine
You guys are on my mind
You asked me what I wanted to be, now I think the answer is plain to see
I wanna be famous!
I wanna live close to the sun
Well pack your bags 'cause I've already won
Everything to prove nothing in my way
I'll get there one day
'Cause I wanna be famous!
Na, na, na-na-na-na, na-na-na, na, na-na-na-na
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!
(Whistling)
(Later that night, after Mike had left, Courtney and Lindsay are settling in, about to go to bed in the spa hotel after they won the triple dog dare challenge. They're very happy about making it to the finale)
Lindsay: (excited) Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! I can't believe I actually made it to the finale! EEEEEEEEE!
Courtney: (excited) Yes yes yes! I'm so close to fulfilling my destiny! Just one more camper to go! You can do this Courtney! This is for you, my friends!
Courtney and Lindsay: (confessional/simultaneously) Total Drama Action was mine to win. I felt crushed and devastated when I lost. But I made up my mind right then that I was coming back for redemption. Now that I've come this far, this is my moment. My moment to make my dreams become reality. Sure, I feel showered with emotions, but that's okay. It means I'm close. It means…I'm ready.
(the final 2 curl up in their beds and go to sleep, dreaming happily about winning the money. Although because they're so excited, they can hardly sleep!)
(the following morning, Chris comes on the loudspeaker)
Chris: Good morning finalists! As a reward for making it to the finale, Chef has prepared a special breakfast for you! Meet in the spa hotel's dining area. Oh wait, you're already there! My bad! Heh heh heh! After you chow for breakie, meet me outside the cabins and I'll explain how the day will go. Cool? Cool. McLean out.
(Courtney and Lindsay are in the dining area of the spa hotel, ready to eat)
Lindsay: This is great, isn't it Courtney? We're in the final 2! EEEEEEE!
Courtney: Oh yeah, I'm ecstatic to have made it this far. Now all I have left is to kick your (censored) ass today so I can take home MY million bucks!
Lindsay: Well, you can try! But I have a lot of unwrapped potential, you know! Don't count me out just yet!
Courtney: Hmph. That'll be the day.
Lindsay: (shrugs) Don't say I didn't warn you!
(Chef arrives with the finalists' breakfast. Courtney and Lindsay can't believe their eyes! Chef cooked amazing food!)
Courtney: Wow! Chef! You made all this?
Chef: Yep! Fresh fruit to ward off scurvy, hot flapjacks to prevent…lice…or whatever. All prepared according to my highest personal standards!
Lindsay: (confessional) That's a first! Seeing Chef happy! I just hope I can bury the hatchet with Courtney today! If I win, I'll give her some of my winnings. I wouldn't want her to feel left out. I get it, she can be kind of mean and grumpy sometimes, but that doesn't mean she has a lesser right to a piece of the pie, right?
Courtney: (confessional) Would I split the money with Lindsay if I won? We'll see. But I think the chances of that happening are slim. She can be a real pain in my ass with her air-headedness. I'd rather split the money with my friends Gwen, Duncan and Scott.
(Courtney and Lindsay are stuffing their faces full of food happily)
Courtney: (eating) Wow, this is so good! You really outdid yourself this time, Chef!
Lindsay: (eating) Yummy! I love it! Thank you Chef!
Chef: Glad you're enjoying it. Now eat up! You got a big day ahead of you! (he leaves. Courtney and Lindsay continue eating)
(After breakfast, the girls meet Chris and Chef outside the cabins)
Chris: Courtney, Lindsay, Congratulations on making it to the finale! It's sure to be a milestone you'll remember for years to come. Now, today's challenge is going to push you farther than ever before. This is where one of you can become part of history. This is where one of you has a chance to remembered.
Chef: (to Chris) People gonna die.
Chris: Nah. These girls are tough! They'll persevere! (to Courtney and Lindsay) Anywho, today's challenge is a nod to the gladiator battle from the finale of season 4, with a little bit of the Greek martial arts portion of our visit to Greece in season 3. So, you each will have 8 hours to gear up and train, because today is gonna be a real SmackDown! Heh heh heh!
Courtney: 8 hours? That's a lot of training time.
Chris: You could also use your time to relax, gather your thoughts, and maybe even peruse your emails from home. Your call! The final challenge will start tonight after it gets dark.
Lindsay: A nighttime finale? We haven't done that before!
Courtney: Yeah! Every Total Drama finale before was during the day!
Chris: Yeah, we kinda wanted to try something new this time. But hey, first time for everything! Heh heh heh! Well, off you go. I'll come on the loudspeaker when it's time to start the challenge. Clear? (Courtney and Lindsay nod and they leave) This is gonna be awesome!
(After they were dismissed, Courtney and Lindsay go their separate ways. Lindsay goes to the cabin, sits on the bed, and pulls out her phone. She video calls Beth from the aftermath)
Lindsay: Beth!
Beth: Lindsay! I'm so proud of you! You're almost there! Just one more challenge and you'll be rich!
Lindsay: I know right! If I win, I'll share the money with you and my other friends! Where's my Tyler?
Beth: He's right here! (she gives the phone to Tyler)
Lindsay: TYLER!
Tyler: Lindsay! I'm rooting for ya! Go team Lindsay!
Lindsay: Aww thanks! Team Lindsay till the end! (she blows a kiss)
(Meanwhile, Courtney is sitting on the bed of the spa hotel, meditating to calm her mind so she can focus on what lies ahead. Once she finishes, she too calls her friends from home)
Courtney: Hi guys!
Gwen: Hi Courtney!
Duncan: Hey Princess!
Scott: Hey Courtney!
Gwen: Congratulations! You're so close!
Courtney: Thank you! I'm so anxious right now, you have no idea!
Gwen: I'm pretty sure Duncan and I know the feeling. (giggles)
Duncan: Sure do toots! We've been to the finale before.
Scott: Aw, that leaves me the odd one out!
Courtney: Aw, it's no biggie Scott! I still love ya! Prize or no prize!
Scott: Ditto for you too babe. (Courtney smiles)
Gwen: We'll see you at the challenge!
Duncan: Break a leg Court!
Scott: Yeah! But not too hard!
Courtney: (giggles) Thank you guys! See you soon! (the call ends)
Courtney: (confessional) Lindsay might be a total shrimp compared to me, but I'm not holding anything back! No way! No how! It's do or die! And I will not take this opportunity for granted! My future depends on it!
(Montage)
(BGM: Tournament grid theme from Super Smash Bros. Brawl)
(for the next 8 hours, Courtney and Lindsay are preparing for the final challenge. Lindsay is applying makeup and doing her hair. Courtney is stretching, doing push-ups, sit-ups, jumping jacks, sprints, and practicing combat moves to be in tip top shape. Lindsay also tries fitness exercises to get herself loosened up and ready to go into battle. She tries doing push-ups, fighting moves, and jumping jacks)
(End montage)
(Later, the sun went down on the island. It is nighttime. Dark clouds start to move in. Then, Chris comes on the loudspeaker)
Chris: (loudspeaker) Alright finalists! It is time for the final challenge of the season! Meet me at the Chrisiseum.
Courtney and Lindsay: (simultaneously) LET'S DO THIS!
(At the Chrisiseum, Chris and Chef are seated up top at the press box. Everyone from the Total Drama series is in attendance to watch! Even Heather, as she was bailed out of prison! They're all cheering for the final 2 players! Chris has a boom box radio playing the main theme to Super Smash Bros. Brawl)
Chris: Ladies and gentlemen! Please welcome the Total Drama All-Stars final 2! Introducing first, in the left corner, the blond bombshell, the live of lollapalooza, the blue-eyed bruiser, LINDSAY! (Lindsay enters the colosseum and the peanut gallery cheers!) and her opponent, in the right corner, the former CIT, the aspiring lawyer, the chick with a stomach stronger than titanium, COURTNEY! (Courtney enters the colosseum with a look of pure determination on her face. The peanut gallery cheers!) Finalists, meet your cheering section! Everyone from our original cast, from Revenge of the Island, and from Pahkitew Island is here! (the peanut gallery cheers for Courtney and Lindsay) Here's how the challenge goes. Finalists, you'll first have to fight against the mutants from season 4! (Lindsay and Courtney gasp!) Not to worry, each of you will get helpers, which you can choose from anyone in the peanut gallery to join you in your quest for a million big ones! Once all the mutants are defeated, Courtney and Lindsay, you must say goodbye to your helpers and go it alone, in a one-on-one free-for-all battle to the bitter end! You can either pin your opponent for 3 seconds, or send your opponent flying out of the ring. If your knees touch the ground outside the ring, you're gonzo! (Courtney glares at Lindsay) Cool? So, finalists, choose 3 helpers!
Courtney: 3? Okay, I choose…Gwen!
Gwen: Yeah!
Courtney: Duncan!
Duncan: Sweet!
Courtney: And Scott!
Scott: Alright!
Chris: Rad choices! Gwen, Duncan, Scott, you're on team Courtney! Lindsay, you're up!
Lindsay: I choose Beth!
Beth: YAY!
Lindsay: Sammy!
Sammy: EEEEEE!
Amy: You just made a big mistake.
Lindsay: And Tyler!
Tyler: WOO HOO!
Chris: Nice! Beth, Samey, and Tyler, you're all on team Lindsay! (the helpers step out of their seats and join their respective finalists in the colosseum. The weather starts to change as lightning flashes can be seen in the distance. Thunder can be heard too. The clouds move closer and cover the arena in the dark of night) So Chef, this final challenge, on a danger level, 1 to 10, give me a number.
Chef: 20.
Chris: Wow! Chef: Trust me, there will be blood.
Chris: Wow! How about that! And the weather is making this thing all the more scary! Good thing I have my equipment safely secure in case we get a storm! Heh heh heh! We'll be right back with the ultimate million dollar WrestleMania, right here on the season finale of…TOTAL! DRAMA! ALL-STARS! This is gonna be epic! Chef, get the popcorn ready!
(Commercial break)
(By now, large, dark clouds are hovering right above the Chrisiseum. The dark clouds start a dry thunderstorm! Lightning can be seen in the distance and thunder can be heard! The finalists are staring each other down with their helpers behind them)
Courtney: (determined) Long have I sought this moment. When I can take what's mine.
Lindsay: (determined) I've waited a long time too!
Courtney: (vengeful) Then you seek the afterlife. (POW! Lightning strikes close by, lighting up the sky!)
Chris: Whoa! This is getting intense already! Heh heh heh! Enter the mutants! (with a press of a button on his remote, the mutants enter the ring! The finalists gasp as the mutants roar and snarl! Lightning strikes nearby!)
Chris: Finalists, helpers, take your positions for the ultimate Total Drama WrestleMania! Ready…FIGHT! (Courtney, Lindsay and their helpers separate and fight the mutants! Duncan throws punches at the giant mutant turtle! Chris switches the BGM on his radio to the final destination theme from Super Smash Bros. Melee! Gwen is fighting the blind mutant gophers bravely! Scott is unfortunately being chased by Fang! Courtney lunges at Fang and punches him with all her might!)
Courtney: Leave my boyfriend alone! Or you're getting turned into sushi!
Scott: Phew! Thanks for the save!
Courtney: Sure. Now let's go! (they keep fighting off the mutants as more flashes of lightning light up the sky! POW! Tyler is wrestling with the mutant alligator! Sammy and Lindsay are fighting a giant mutant crab! Beth is fighting the yeti!)
Beth: HI-YA! (she jump kicks the yeti, knocking him out!) (confessional) I owe all my skills in combat to Courtney when we were partnered up in the Kung Fu challenge. Thanks again, Courtney!
Tyler: WOO HOO! EXTREME! (then, the alligator punches him hard, sending him flying against the colosseum wall!)
Lindsay: Hey! No ugly belly dragger does that to my boyfriend and gets away with it! (she lunges at the gator and throws punches at it!) Take that!
(Courtney punches Fang's lights out with a killer uppercut!)
Courtney: (roars) RAAHHHHHHHH! (POW! Lightning strikes!)
(Gwen is surrounded by mutant gophers, and they charge at her! She jumps out of the way and BOOM! They crash into each other, knocking them out cold!)
Gwen: Wow, talk about meeting of the minds! (giggles)
(Suddenly, KA-POW! Lightning strikes the barren soil in the colosseum, starting a fire! Everyone in the peanut gallery gasps! Even Chris!)
Dave: Fire?!
Sam: Whoa…cool!
Max: Yes, burn baby! Burn! Like a disco inferno!
Blaineley: Whoa! I can't wait to hear the gossip go down on this epic battle!
Chris: Oh wow! This is just like a movie! Slammin! Let's just hope we don't get burned to a crisp! (The finalists and their helpers are nervous about the building flames, but they know they have to carry on! Scott throws punches and kicks at the mutant crab! The fire is building and spreading, getting bigger and bigger! The sky is now blood red and the entire colosseum is engulfed in flames! Lightning strikes nearby!)
Ella: Oh my goodness!
Zoey: (covers her eyes) Oh! I can't watch!
Harold: Cool!
Max: This is the perfect atmosphere for a diabolical evil villain like me!
Leshawna: In your dreams, short stuff.
DJ: Chris! Don't you have a fire extinguisher or something?
Chris: (fanning his hand in front of his face) Phew! Is it getting hot in here? Interns! Bring me my fan! (an intern brings over Chris's electric fan to keep him cool from the searing heat of the raging fire! Finally, Duncan strangles the mutant turtle, and all the mutants are KO'd!)
Chris: Congrats finalists! You beat all the mutants! Now, step into the boxing ring where you'll fight for all the marbles!
Gwen: Good luck Courtney!
Scott: Yeah, good luck!
Duncan: Kick her ass Princess!
Beth: You can do it Lindsay!
Tyler: We're all behind you Lindsay!
Sammy: Go Lindsay!
(the peanut gallery cheers on the finalists, but are also concerned about the fire as the helpers return to their seats in the peanut gallery)
(Courtney and Lindsay step into the boxing ring. The fire has built and spread to where it is now very big and has engulfed the entire colosseum! Chris presses a button on his remote, which encloses the peanut gallery behind fire-proof glass to protect them from burns. Then, he raises the ring up on a platform above the ground)
Ella: At least we can't get burned now!
Sky: This is ludicrous!
Dawn: Those poor souls!
DJ: I am so glad I'm not competing this year!
Owen: We're gonna get cooked alive like a human pizza! Oh, the horror! I want my mommy!
Alejandro: (to Heather) Almost reminds me of our encounter in Hawaii.
Heather: Right. Yeah. (Alejandro kisses her)
Courtney: (to Lindsay/vengeful) It's time to end this. Now!
Lindsay: (vengeful) I agree. I tried being friendly before, but now it's time for no more miss nice girl!
Courtney: (angry) Bring it on, airhead! (the girls growl at each other and stare each other down! POW! Lightning strikes nearby and the fire is raging all around them!)
Chris: Okay finalists! It all comes down to this! A dirty free-for-all! You can either pin your opponent for 3 seconds, or toss your opponent out of the ring and into the fire below! Whoever wins the battle wins the million dollars! Subject to all applicable taxes and other offsets required by law.
(Courtney and Lindsay roar triumphantly as they're ready to fight!)
Courtney: (determined) Game on!
Lindsay: (determined) Oh, it's on alright! It is on like Donkey Kong!
Courtney: (deteremined) You will regret your impulsiveness.
Chris: This is it! The moment we've all been waiting for! The final battle! (Courtney cracks her knuckles! Lindsay stretches her arms and legs) Let's get ready to RUMBLE! (POW! Lightning strikes as the girls charge at each other with all their fury! Courtney throws punches and kicks at Lindsay! Lindsay throws punches and kicks back! Courtney wrestles Lindsay to the ground and she throws punches at her face! Then Lindsay shakes off the attack by getting her feet up and kicking Courtney off of her! The girls throw kicks and punches at each other as the fire rages all around them!)
Chris: Now THIS is a finale! Filled with action and excitement! And suspense! (he switches the BGM to the Giga Bowser theme from Super Smash Bros. Melee!)
Lindsay: (determined) I won't let you beat me, Courtney!
Courtney: (determined) I won't go down that easily! Not when destiny is at hand!
(the girls continue to fight and throw blow after blow at each other! Courtney throws hard kicks at Lindsay! Lindsay gets kicked in the face and she throws punches at Courtney! Their helpers are cheering from the peanut gallery! Lindsay charges towards Courtney to try and tackle her, but Courtney is too quick! Courtney jumps out of the way and grabs Lindsay! She throws her high into the air! Courtney jumps up to Lindsay and BAM! Kicks her downward with a powerful kick! Lindsay plummets down toward the burning ring!)
Courtney: HI-YA!
Lindsay: AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (CRASH! She lands on the ring floor HARD! Courtney lands on her feet and watches Lindsay scramble to stand back up. She is worn out)
Courtney: Oh, you want more, huh? You sure are more durable than I thought!
(determined, Lindsay springs back up! POW! Lightning strikes!)
Lindsay: (determined) Oh, that's it! Courtney's going DOWN! (She charges towards Courtney and throws a mighty punch at her! But her punch couldn't finish Courtney off)
Courtney: Ha! Is that all you got? Let me show you how it's done. (Courtney winds up her arm, and BAM! She throws an even harder punch at Lindsay, knocking her down on her back!)
Courtney: (vengeful) Now it's time for my favorite part of the game.
Lindsay: (sits up) What's that?
Courtney: (vengeful) SUDDEN. DEATH.
Lindsay: (gulps) Oh no…Goodbye cruel world!
(Courtney runs back and ricochets off the ropes and lunges towards Lindsay! She tackles her and they tumble through the ropes of the ring and they both fall down into the inferno below! Everyone gasps and holds their breath as they can't believe what they saw! The finalists' helpers are flabbergasted!)
Bridgette: HOLY!
Geoff: Wicked!
Zoey: Oh my goodness!
Sierra: I caught it all! That's going on the site for sure!
Chris: Oh my God! They both went down into the fire! Who is our million dollar winner?
(Soon after, it starts to rain. The rain slowly but surely puts the fire out)
Zoey: Is the nightmare over?
Chris: Camera guys, zoom in to see who the winner is! (the camera zooms in, and it shows Lindsay is on top of Courtney, pinning her!) It's Lindsay! Lindsay has done it! Lindsay is the Total Drama All-Stars champion and the winner of the million dollars!
Lindsay: EEEEEEE! I WON! (Lindsay's helpers come over to congratulate her)
Beth: Congratulations!
Tyler: My girl is a millionaire! WOO HOO!
Sammy: You did it! Great job!
(Lindsay group hugs her friends and kisses Tyler)
Courtney: NOOOOOOOOO!
Gwen: Sorry you lost Courtney.
Duncan: Yeah, you still did your best toots.
Scott: And you still have us!
Courtney: (looks at her friends and smiles) Aww, you guys! (Courtney and her helpers group hug)
Lindsay: (confessional/happy) I am so happy! Now I can buy all the lip gloss in the world without even trying! EEEEEEE!
Courtney: (confessional) Lindsay put up a good fight. A better fight than I thought. I think she has earned my respect. It's still going to be tough without the million to pay for law school though.
(Later, the sun shone on the island. Everyone is on a giant yacht ready to go home. Chris is holding the million dollar suitcase)
Chris: Congratulations Lindsay! To the victor go the spoils! 1 million dollars! In cold, hard cash! (he hands her the suitcase)
Lindsay: Thanks! (everyone on the yacht is happy for Lindsay, but Courtney is still bummed that she lost. Lindsay looks at her and gets an idea. She smiles)
Lindsay: (to Courtney) You played the game well.
Courtney: But I didn't win.
Lindsay: There's more to playing the game than just winning. You know? If it'll make you feel better, I'll share some of my winnings with you!
Courtney: You'd do that for me?
Lindsay: Of course! So you can go to law school like you always wanted! So, truce?
Courtney: Yes. Thank you. (they shake hands and smile. The yacht pulls away from the island)
Chris: Well, that's it for our spectacular All-Star season! But, don't worry! There's sure to be plenty more drama coming down the pike! As soon as the producers renew our contracts. Heh heh heh! Until next time, I'm Chris McLean!
Chef: And I'm Chef Hatchet! Blaineley: And I'm Blaineley Stacey Andrews O'Halloran!
Chris: And this is the Total Drama gang! And this has been…
Everyone: TOTAL! DRAMA! ALL-STARS!
Chris: (sings) Dear mom and dad…
Chef: (sings) I'm doing fine!
Courtney: (sings) You guys are on my mind!
Gwen: (sings) You asked me what I wanted to be…
Duncan: (sings) Now I think the answer is plain to see!
Everyone: (sings) I WANNA BE FAMOUS!
Heather: (sings) I wanna live close to the sun…
Alejandro: (sings) Well pack your bags…
Owen: (sings) Cuz I've already won!
Zoey: (sings) Everything to prove…
Lindsay: (sings) Nothing in my way!
Blaineley: (sings) I'll get there one day!
Everyone: (sings) Cuz I WANNA BE FAMOUS! Na, na, na-na-na-na, na-na-na, na, na-na-na-na! I WANNA BE, I WANNA BE, I WANNA BE FAMOUS! I WANNA BE, I WANNA BE, I WANNA BE FAMOUS!
(Everyone whistles the last jingle as the yacht sails away beyond the horizon! Little did we know, Chris and Chef are watching the show on TV in their quarters!)
Chef: Hey Chris man, that looks like the end!
Chris: Whoa, hold on there Chef! I'm still the host around here! So I get to say when it's the end. (An intern hits him on the head with the words "The End!") I guess…it's the end! Heh heh heh! Hey! You were supposed to wait for your cue! You are so fired! (he storms off camera)
Chef: I totally planned that out. (chuckles evilly) See y'all next time!
(credits)
THE END
ELIMINATION ORDER
PRE-MERGE
24th: Sugar
23rd: Max
22nd: Jo
21st: Sierra
20th: Owen
19th: Cameron
18th: Heather
17th: Shawn
16th: Scarlett
POST-MERGE
15th: Zoey
14th: Duncan
13th: Scott
12th: Izzy
11th: Alejandro
10th: Gwen
9th: Geoff
8th: Sammy
7th: Lightning
6th: Jasmine
5th: Sky
4th: Brick
3rd: Mike
Runner-up: Courtney
Winner: Lindsay