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Chapter 9: Second Chances
Three days later
8:58am
Kate walked quietly into Jack's hospital room and found him still sleeping. Now that he was out of intensive care and in a regular room she could pretty much come and go as she pleased. They really didn't control the visiting hours outside of the ICU. She stopped at his bedside and looked at his handsome face. He had lost weight over during the two and a half weeks since he was shot and his face was slightly drawn. He's still handsome, Kate thought. And he looked so much better now than he did just 24 hours ago. The tubes had been removed from his mouth and nose yesterday morning. Some of the IV lines had been taken out as well and most of the monitor leads were gone. Yet he still looked uncomfortable with the stiff brace around his neck. He hates sleeping on his back, she thought. This must be killing him. She wanted to kiss him, but decided that he needed his rest. She spoke with his nurse on the way in. He was complaining of some pain in the back of his legs early this morning. That was a good sign, she told Kate, even if he wasn't moving his legs. He hadn't felt any pain below his waist prior to removing the bullet. She had given him something for the pain, so Kate should expect him to be sleepy for a while.
Kate walked over to the chair near the window. She set her bag next to it and stood looking out the window for a few minutes. She almost hated the thought of sitting down. As much as she wanted to be close to Jack, her back was starting to bother her from sitting in uncomfortable hospital chairs all day, every day. This would be her last day at the hospital for about ten days. She was leaving for Seattle at 2 o'clock this afternoon. She really needed to get back to work tomorrow. She would work the rest of the week and through the weekend to catch up. Then she would only have to work Monday through Wednesday next week. Next Thursday was Thanksgiving and she had already made plans with Tony and Michelle for the three of them to fly back to LA on Wednesday evening and stay through Sunday.
She finally sat down and looked through her bag for something to do. After the first day of sitting in the waiting room, she learned to bring a bag full of things to keep her mind occupied: a paperback novel, a couple of magazines, some needlepoint, a newspaper. She pulled out the newspaper and turned to the LA Times crossword puzzle.
Kate had loved crossword puzzles since she was a little girl and would pretend to help her father with them. She liked the orderliness of crosswords puzzles. Each letter had to be in the right place to create words in two directions. One letter out of place and the order was disturbed. The letters in the puzzle were so linked and dependent upon one another. One letter written in the wrong place and the word was nonsensical, the perfect order was destroyed.
She liked her life to be the same way: in perfect order. And it had been, she thought, until Jack was shot. She had started to set down roots in Seattle. She bought an adorable house in a nice professional neighborhood with lots of families and children. She could have afforded more, but liked the idea of the baby growing up on a street with families rather than some stuffy rich neighborhood where a little boy couldn't throw a ball or ride a bike without disturbing the neighbor's perfectly groomed lawn. Her new neighbors were all nice and seemed accepting of her having a child on her own. She had become very comfortable with the idea of raising their child on her own. She had decorated the house nicely but with the knowledge that little hands would soon be touching everything and she didn't want to be one of those mothers who was constantly telling her child not to touch. She had agonized over the nursery and finally had it painted aqua and yellow and decorated it with tropical fish. It could be used for either a girl or a boy, but she remained convinced that the baby was a boy. She was thinking about buying a vacation cottage on Puget Sound. She and the baby could go there on weekends or for vacation. Her father could come up and visit and teach his grandson, his namesake, how to fish. She knew he would love that. When her sister Marie was getting married, Bob frequently mentioned to her how much he wanted grandchildren.
She had quickly gotten used to her job. It really was far less responsibility than she had in LA and she often did extra work for her father in her spare time. She was making some friends, mostly the women in the neighborhood and some from work and, of course, she always had Michelle and Tony. All in all, life was falling into place.
She had even gotten to the point where she didn't constantly think of Jack. She kept one picture of the two of them in her den, but otherwise there was no evidence that Jack Bauer had ever been a part of her life. That is, unless you considered the baby that was currently running a marathon inside of her. Kate shifted in her chair. Come on, kid, she thought, settle down for a few minutes.
Now her life was out of order. She knew once Jack woke up she had to tell him that she was pregnant. She couldn't go back to Seattle without telling him; that would simply be wrong. She tried to focus on the crossword puzzle but couldn't, her mind kept mulling over how to tell Jack that she was almost 32 weeks pregnant with his child. She gave up on the puzzle, the newspaper rustled louder than she intended as she folded it and put it back in her bag.
Jack woke up just a few minutes after Kate arrived, but she was sitting so quietly in the chair just feet from his bed that he was unaware of her presence. He stared at the ceiling; he couldn't see much else since he was unable to turn his head. If he moved his eyes far to the left, he could see the wall clock. It was 9:15. He wondered where Kate was. Kim told him last night that she was returning to work at CTU. They had been very generous with her leave time, but now that Jack was out of danger, they had asked her to come back. Kate will be here by 9 o'clock, Kim told him. It was 9:15, where was she? Traffic, he thought. Rush hour in LA was the worst. That was it, she was stuck in traffic. Who am I kidding? Kate knows the traffic pattern, if she wanted to be here by 9 she could have been. He had begun to doubt Kate's motives. When he first saw her through a hazy, drug induced fog in the ICU, he was thrilled. He thought she was a dream. Then she talked to him and kissed his face and he knew she was real. She was by his side every day just like Kim, offering encouragement. Once his senses cleared and he began to improve, he noticed that although she was attentive and loving, she seemed aloof, distant. Jack could read people well and even without being able to speak because of the tube in his throat, he could tell she was hiding something from him. She even stood a step or two away from the bed. Kim was always right there, against the side rail, but Kate seemed to be standing back, keeping herself away from him.
He understood; he knew how badly he had treated her. But why did she come all the way from Seattle and stay for over two weeks if he didn't mean something to her? Was she just holding back because she was afraid that he was going to hurt her again? Why would she want him back anyway? Kate was a beautiful, vibrant woman who could have any man in the world. Why would she want him? The way things looked right now, he could well be disabled for the rest of his life. Disabled, he thought bitterly. Crippled was a better word. He could end up in a wheel chair, unable to walk. What kind of life could he offer Kate? If she was going to say goodbye, he hoped she would do it soon and get it over with. He was getting used to having her back in his life and the sooner she left, the sooner he would be able to forget.
Jack startled when he heard the crinkling sound from Kate's newspaper. "Kate" he said. "Are you there?" His voice was still quiet and raspy from having tubes down his throat.
"Oh, Honey, I'm sorry." Kate said as she heaved herself out of the chair. Going to need a crane soon, she thought. "I didn't know you were awake. I was trying to be quiet so you could rest." She walked over to his bed and stroked his hair as she kissed his forehead. She wanted to kiss his lips but couldn't reach them because of the brace. She kissed her fingertips and touched them to his lips. Jack closed his eyes and kissed her fingers in return; he felt the gentle pressure against his lips. She stroked his face tenderly. He swallowed hard. She was so sweet, but there she stood, a good step back from the bed. She should be closer, he thought, if she really loved me, she would be closer.
"Did you have a good night, Sweetie?" She asked him.
"I slept pretty well." He answered without adding any details.
"I hear you had some pain in your legs. That's wonderful." She laughed a little. "I don't mean that it's wonderful that you had pain, it's wonderful that you had some feeling."
"I guess it's a start." He said glancing away. "I'm not optimistic, Kate."
"Jack, give it some time. It's too soon to tell. Besides, you're not defined by your legs. The world won't end if you don't walk again. You're strong, Jack and I've never seen you back away from a fight. I've never seen anyone defy the odds the way you do. You'll find a way to go on."
"I know you're trying to encourage me, Kate, but you're not the one laying here."
"Jack" she knew her voice sounded harsh, "maybe it would be a good thing if for once you couldn't run away." She was speaking metaphorically but realized too late how mean that had sounded.
"I wouldn't talk about me 'running away' if I were you. You ran all the way to Seattle, to a job so beneath you that you could do it in your sleep, just to get away from me." He watched as tears filled her eyes and was instantly sorry he had said it. "I'm sorry, Baby. You weren't running. After the way I treated you, I pretty much chased you out of LA."
"Jack, we need to talk. I have to get back to Seattle and I don't want to leave without telling you this."
Here it comes, he thought. She's about to tell me that she's leaving. I've heard this one before, the 'I love you but I can't live with you' speech. Teri had told him that when they separated.
"I don't know what you want to tell me, Kate, but before you start, I want to tell you one thing. I love you more than I have loved anyone in a long time. I made a huge mistake when I left you and I would give anything, including the ability to walk, if I could have you back."
She looked away. "I don't know if that makes this harder or easier. If you told me you hated me, I could walk away now. But the fact that you still love me, means that I've made a big mistake, too. I should have called you a long time ago and let you in on something important"
"Kate, is there someone else in your life? If there is, I understand, really I do. But if that's the case, then I wish you would leave, because you are breaking my heart standing here next to me."
Kate smiled. "In a manner of speaking, yes, there is someone else, but not a lover." She paused. "Jack, the night you came to tell me you were leaving...the last night we, ah, spent together..."
He interrupted her. "Kate, I'm so sorry about that night. I didn't mean for that to happen and I didn't mean to hurt you. I know I acted like an animal..." Kate pressed her finger against his lips to silence him.
"No, Jack, don't be sorry. I'm not. Something incredible happened between us that night." Jack looked at her with confusion in his eyes. He had no idea what she was going to say next. "Something really incredible happened." She smiled and took his hand. As she pressed it to her belly she whispered, "We created a life, Jack. We made a baby." Kate had a dazzling smile on her face.
Jack closed his eyes, her words starting to sink in. Tears rolled from the corners of his eyes as Kate moved his hand to an area where he could feel the baby moving. Now he understood what she was hiding. He knew why she was always a step away from the bed. It was as close as she could get.
"Kate, why didn't you tell me?" He asked as she wiped away the tears that had rolled down the sides of his face.
"Oh, Jack, I don't know. By the time I realized that I was pregnant, you were working undercover. I couldn't get in touch with you. The longer I went without telling you, the easier it was to believe that you didn't need to know, that this was my baby, not yours. When I finally told my father, he insisted that I tell you. I thought about it and decided that I would. That was when I called you about the jacket. I was hoping that I could bring it back to you and tell you. I didn't want to tell you over the phone. You made it clear that you didn't want to see me. In my mind, with all of the crazy hormones floating around, if you didn't want me, you didn't want the baby. At that point, I knew I was going to start showing soon. I was afraid that I would run into you or Kim or some mutual friend and you would find out. So, I decided that the best thing for me to do was to move to Seattle and start over."
"So, Kim didn't know." Jack asked.
"Not until I got here the evening you were shot."
"What about Tony and Michelle?"
"I ran into them by accident a couple of weeks before that on the street in Seattle. I asked them not to tell you. Tony argued with me. He thought I was wrong. He said you would want to know, but in the end, I got him to agree not to tell you. I know he felt guilty about keeping it from you. Please don't blame him or Michelle."
"Kate, I love you so much. I can't believe that I hurt you so much that you were afraid to tell me that you were pregnant. I'm so sorry that I made you feel that way. I never wanted to hurt you and I never stopped loving you. How can I ever make that up to you?" He reached up and stroked her face.
"To be honest, Jack, I can't believe that you don't hate me for keeping this from you. I thought you would be angry with me."
"How could I be angry with you? You're carrying our child. You could have made a different choice. You didn't have to have the baby. You made a lifetime commitment to our child without expecting me to be there to help in any way. You've gone through this whole experience by yourself. I know there had to be moments that you were scared or lonely. God, I wish is could have been there. I should have been there for you, Sweetheart. How could I possibly be angry with you?"
"Jack, I'm not going to lie to you. The other option you mentioned did cross my mind. I knew I couldn't do it. The situation wasn't what I wanted, but I have always wanted children. After I had a good cry, and I started thinking about everything, I knew I wanted the baby. I knew when I made that decision that I was going it alone. There were moments that I would have liked to have you there. I remember the first time I felt the baby move. God, I wanted to tell you. I even picked up the phone but I ended up calling my dad." Kate shook her head; she didn't know what else to say.
They looked at each other without speaking for a long time. Jack spoke first. "Kate, don't go back to Seattle. Stay in LA; we can start over."
"It's not that simple, Jack. We tried it before. We were together for two and a half years. I love you and I want you to be a part of the baby's life, but I'm not sure that we should start over. You can see the baby as much as you like, but you have to be there when you say you will. I won't put up with you breaking promises to this child the way you did with Kim," she paused and looked down, "or with me."
"Sweetheart, things will be different this time, I promise. Our breakup was my fault. It won't happen again."
"Honey," she smiled. "Relationships are never successes or failures because of one person. We both failed. You were wrapped up in CTU and I resented it. I can't expect you to change and I know I won't change. So I'm just not sure we can ever make a relationship work. That doesn't mean we don't care about each other. It just means we may not be able to spend our lives together."
"I doubt I'll ever be able to go back to CTU in my condition." He stated matter of factly. He remained sure that he would never walk again.
"Why not? Regardless of 'your condition' you can run CTU. You don't have to chase down the bad guys; you can send anyone out to do that. They want you to run the department. Hammond has already been here and talked to Kim. They want you back as soon as possible. And face it, Jack, you love being CTU director. You always told me it was the best job you ever had."
"I'm not going to deny it. I do like my job, but you and the baby are my priority now."
"Well that would be novel, Jack. You've admitted to me more than once that you let CTU get between you and Teri. You certainly let it get between you and me. Why would I think that now is going to be any different than a year ago? You're going to change your priorities for the baby? You didn't for Kim." Kate stopped for second. Jack looked away. He knew what she was saying was true. "The other problem is that CTU is here, in Los Angeles. I'm in Seattle now. I know I've only been there a couple of months, but I like it there. It's a nice city and the pace is slower. I like my house and my neighbors. It's a nice place to raise a child."
"So that's it. You won't give us a chance?" Jack asked unable to mask the pain in his voice.
Kate's expression softened and she exhaled quietly. "I'm not saying 'never', Jack. We both have too much to think about right now. You need to concentrate on getting well. You don't need the distraction of a relationship. I need to concentrate on the baby."
"Kate, the more I listen to you, the more I hear the word 'goodbye' in what you are saying. I am I getting that right?"
"I don't know what I'm saying." She admitted as she kneaded her forehead with her fingers. "I just don't want us to have another failed relationship. I feel like I made all of the sacrifices during our last relationship, and believe me, I did it gladly. I did it because I loved you. I'm just not sure I want to do it again. Maybe I'm being selfish. I know I have a baby to think of now, and the baby deserves to have a father. I just don't want to be sitting at home every night at midnight wondering if you are going to come home or if I'm going to be alone again. At least this way I know I'm going to be home alone. I don't have any expectations."
They were both quiet for a long time. Kate stood next to his bed while Jack stared at the ceiling. He finally reached out and touched Kate's belly. His hand lingered as he felt their baby move restlessly. Restless, he thought, like me.
"I'd like to be there when the baby's born, Kate. Is that possible?"
"Of course, Sweetheart. I want you to be there. You can fly to Seattle with my dad. He is going to have his pilot, Charlie, on 'stand by'." They were quiet again, neither knowing what to say. Kate sighed quietly and took Jack's hand. "Sweetheart, I have to go now if I want to make my Seattle flight." She leaned over and kissed his cheek. "I'll be back next Wednesday evening. That gives us both some time to think."
Jack drew her hand to his mouth and kissed it. His eyes were closed and an occasional tear spilled from the corners, slid slowly down the side of his face and disappeared into his closely cropped hair. "I love you so much." He whispered. "I don't want to lose you."
Kate picked up her bag, said goodbye once again and left the room. Jack couldn't see her but he knew she was crying. He could hear her heels echo in the hall for a long time. He lay still, crying, exhausted from this morning's revelations. His mind was swimming. He could hear her voice over and over saying 'Something incredible happened. We made a baby.' As tired as he was, he fought sleep. He needed to think, but her words swirled round and round in his sleepy brain: 'CTU got between you and Teri', 'something incredible happened'. The phrases repeated mercilessly as he drifted toward sleep. Slowly the voice changed. It was no longer Kate speaking to him. It was Teri. He could hear her voice from almost five years ago: 'you're going to be a father... again', 'I keep thinking this is the second chance we've been talking about'. Teri was willing to give him a second chance but she died only an hour later. Why wouldn't Kate give him a second chance? He needed a second chance.