Let's take a look at just how a counseling session would turn out for each of our dear shinobis. Will the ninjas be cured of whatever problems they have, or will the counselor be the one to go crazy in the end?
May madness ensue.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto… sadly… {runs away, sobbing uncontrollably}
Ninja Psychology
Chapter 1: Prologue
"WHAT??" The entire congregation made up of twelve chuunins chorused in a single uniform voice of disbelief.
Tsunade sighed, "I'll repeat it if you didn't hear me clearly. I said that you twelve are going for counseling sessions."
"WHY?" The entire group asked again.
"Because, judging from all your previous performances, some of you just don't have what it psychologically takes to face anything in battle. And even if you do, reports from your trainers have shown socially otherwise." This earned twelve glares at the four trainers standing at the side - that is, Kakashi, Gai, Asuma and Kurenai. The four senseis looked like they wanted to sink into the ground. Gai had caught a very bloodcurdling glare from his antisocial student, Neji, and he slowly inched behind Kakashi.
Naruto, being the loud one as usual, glared at the hokage and piped up, "That's no excuse!! I WANT A BETTER EXPLANATION."
Tsunade glared back, "Fine. I'll give you your explanation. According to reports, Sakura and Ino were in some sort of bitch fight two days ago over a guy, involving some other girls where three were put into hospitals; Kiba let loose every single one of his dogs to search for a missing grocery list, successfully bringing our village ecosystem's cat population down to a 4% minimum; Neji and Sasuke have an attitude that could piss a goldfish off; Chouji eats too much; Shika's too lazy; Lee's plain ugly; Tenten's a boring extra character; Hinata has a stutter problem and talks too little; Naruto talks too freakin' much; and Shino just DOESN'T TALK AT ALL!!" She roared toward the end, and Shino hoped it wasn't personal.
The assembly was now very silent, with only Lee softly sobbing at the back.
"Now that you know what the problem is, I'll be assigning you into groups."
"WHAT??"
-
The chuunins were arranged in groups of three so as to make things convenient for the counselor/shrink/psychologist/whatever-you-wanna-call-it, so that he or she could handle three at a time whilst using similar psychological techniques for each group.
It was decided that the groupings would be as follows, and with the stated reasons as according:
Group 1: Sakura, Ino, Hinata - because they were girls infatuated with a guy of some sort.
Group 2: Neji, Sasuke, and Shino - because they were too antisocial for their own good.
Group 3: Naruto, Kiba, and Lee - because they were too hyperactive for their own good.
And Group 4: Tenten, Shika and Chouji - because they were just plain boring.
-
And so the day arrived for the counselor to come. The chuunins were sitting in a very hospital-waiting-area-like room, and mind you, the chuunins were not taking this too well.
"This is stupid!" Naruto complained.
"I know, Naruto." Kakashi said.
"How troublesome…" Shika murmured.
"I'm hungry…" Chouji groaned.
"Yes boys…" Asuma said.
"Who is this person?" Lee asked.
"You'll see, Lee." Gai said.
"When is this stupid counselor person going to come…" Kiba trailed off.
The door to the room flung open and in stepped Tsunade, followed by a woman. A very gorgeous woman that made mouths drop.
Her name was Ms Niavos, a lady well into her mid twenties with a voluptuous figure and very pretty facial features. She had long blonde hair that curled in all the right places, eyes thickly brushed with eye shadow, a mascara overload, foundation that could be as thick as Gaara's sand skin-shell, lips coated with a thick layer of dark lipstick and long fingernails painted with a metallic dark red. She wore a white science-lab-looking coat over a tube top and a very, very short miniskirt, and high heels fit to kill. And to top the counselor-look off, a pair of thin-framed spectacles over her eyes. All in all, she was quite a bombshell. And it was the teachers who were to pick from a list of many shrinks who they wanted. Obviously, the men voted on this particular female specimen, much to the disapproval of Kurenai - who was very visibly glaring at the three fished-mouth senseis beside her.
"Hello darlings. My name is Ms Niavos." The lady cooed.
The three male senseis dropped to the ground, each weakly giving each other hi-fives.
"Ooh, are these the little babies?" The shrink spared a glance at the crowd of chuunins, not really getting a good look each of them.
"Yes." Tsunade said, eyebrows twitching slightly to the word 'babies'. She did NOT appreciate her ninjas being called babies…
"We shall get started then!!" Ms Niavos crowed out in her thick, classy voice after taking the list of groups and names from Tsunade.
Before the shrink could step into the counseling room, Tsunade warned, "I suggest you work via order of 4, 1, 2, and 3." The counselor looked at her questioningly.
Tsunade only smirked, "Leaves the hardest for last."
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A/N: Well, howja like that? Just how are out dear ninjas going to cope?? Review and lemme know if I should continue. This is a prologue, so it's short. I'll be sure to make the other chapters longer.
Just so y'all know, I will be diving kinda deep into each group. Just cuz I say Group 4's boring doesn't mean their counseling session will be! And no, I don't think Lee's ugly… he's actually rather cute… in a funny… sorta way…
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