||Chapter 5|| Libraries, Mallets, and Mental Instabilities
"That… that… that PERVERT!!" Akane screamed.
The scene wasn't really all that unusual, Akane ready to pummel some poor male for some perceived slight, Ranma holding the black piglet with a bandanna, and everyone else watching the events unfold in anticipation of the upcoming fight.
The actual circumstances behind the scene were however quite unusual, if anyone had thought about it the day before they would have found them quite farfetched, Akane was ready to murder the piglet Ranma was holding, Ranma was actually defending the piglet, and the reason she wanted to kill said piglet was that he was Ryoga. She'd been sleeping with Ryoga! How could he!
"Ryoga... you idiot!" Akane screamed louder than she usually did when Ranma did something she… disapproved of. "And you, you, you!!" Akane summoned a mallet from wherever she kept the things and looked at Ryoga with the glint of murder in her eyes
Ranma looked down at the cute little piggy-Ryoga and said in a low voice "You'd better go and let me take care of this, ok?" Ranma flashed a loving smile at Ryoga before she set him down and let him run off to a safer local… something like an unexploded ordinance dumping ground or a nuclear weapons stockpile.
Akane watched Ranma let her prey go and in a typical Akane manner directed all the anger from the situation at Ranma. She pointed at Ranma anger causing the finger to shake visibly. "Why did you do that!?"
"Akane, I didn't know anything about all this! I swear!" Ranma looked taken aback, then continued to put her foot in her mouth in typical Ranmaesque manner, "Besides, do you think I'd just let you kill my fiancee? Why did you always force him to sleep with you anyway?"
"What do you mean forcing him? He always came to me!" Akane shouted at ever-increasing volumes.
"Well I guess I can't really blame you… I mean it is the only way you'll ever get a guy." Ranma said flippantly, and instantly regretted the words, Akane may be a bit of a tomboy but she was still like a sister to Ranma. Ranma started to apologize but then realized that Akane had been sleeping with her fiancee… and that just made her mad… how could she betray her like that, she'd thought of Akane a sister but sisters don't steal fiancees even if they were cursed to be a pig. "I'm marrying Ryoga and there's nothing you can do to stop me Akane!"
Akane didn't notice the wince on Ranma's face, she really couldn't as things began to take on a two-dimensional appearance and turn red… everything was red, not that it would help the redhead who was sputtering thing that didn't really matter right now. Her name came up several times but that didn't matter either as she closed in on the smaller girl. Akane pulled her mallet back preparing to execute a flying hammer smash, unfortunately the mallet caught the tray of hot tea Kasumi was bringing in at that moment, she'd had a feeling like there would need to be a second kettle of water for tea, just something about the day. Anyway you looked at it though the tea went sailing into the air and flinging about everywhere soaking almost everyone especially Ranma who promptly changed back into a girl.
"Wow!" Hiroshi said at the table, surprising Mr. Tendo and Nabiki who hadn't seen him come in along with Daisuke, "It really is true that Ranma's marring Ryoga!"
"What did you say?" Happosai jumped onto the table and was pointing his pipe at the boy as he interrogated him. "Did you just say that Ranma is marrying Ryoga?"
"Yeah, that's what we heard." Hiroshi replied, as he was sitting next to the befuddled Daisuke.
"Hmmm. This could prove to be very, very, interesting." Happosai said with an evil gleam in his eye as he jumped down and turned to watch the fight that was happening between the two girls, not noticing the splash from the koi pond.
* * * * * * * * * *
Ryoga finally found the training hall after a trip to the kitchen, the bathroom, Nabiki's room, the broom closet, twice, and some motorcycle guy's garage. One of the more direct routes, he reflected, as usually there would be a forest or desert along with some military installation in his path.
Rummaging through his pack he thought about the turn for the weird that his life had take, first Ranma had been nice to him and actually seemed concerned about what happened to him, then Akane had found out about his secret and was angry at him like he knew she would be… but Ranma had smiled at him like that when he'd saved her from that pervert Happosai… and kissed him, too, what a kiss that was.. Ryoga sighed as he waited for the water to heat up and started to lose himself in a daydream with a certain redhead replacing the usual Akane Tendo…
'Gah!! What am I doing, that was Ranma!! Ranma is a guy, that's just sick.' Ryoga thought at himself disgustedly and wanted to puke. He shuddered at the mental pictures that went through his head and felt a sick sinking feeling in his bowels. Could this be some sort of mental attack devised by Ranma? Some new and exotic martial art designed to use your enemy's own mind against them, like some sort of psychological warfare? Or did he dare let his heart hope that there was a cute red-headed girl that loved him despite his curse?
Ryoga shuddered at how that thought had snuck in there with the others and wished that he had hands so that he could grab his head… lacking hands he did the next best thing, something known in Nantucket as "Sheet-Rock Roulette", as he ran into the walls multiple times trying to find a load bearing support or stud to ease the pain inside his mind with pain in the head. The amazing thing was that nobody actually came in when they heard the repeated, semi-regular thunks of Ryoga putting his head through the walls of the training hall.
Ryoga stumbled on his four short legs as he finished the last run, a particularly solid stud had been hit head on and had banished all unwelcome thoughts as well as some of the ones he didn't mind. His head buzzed and whirled in blessed numbness. No thoughts of pretty red-headed girls or crushes who now hated him, just pleasant non-thought and existence. He stumbled some more as his head started to clear, there was something he had wanted, needed, to do that involved that red coffeepot on the fire next to his pack but for the life of him he couldn't remember exactly what.
Then it dawned on him, as the pain and throbbing caught up with him, that he needed to change back into his human form. It was the same as always when he'd get caught in an unexpected rain, or be splashed by a vehicle going through a puddle, or the embarrassing couple of times that he would never tell anyone about when he'd been daydreaming and walked straight into a stream or river. As always getting the hot water to change back was a difficult and monumental task, but one that he'd had lots of practice doing, over the course of his travels he'd developed a method that helped, though admittedly not by much.
Ryoga leapt at the top of the coffeepot aiming for the spout, twisting as he landed on it so that he was directly under the spout as it fell. Seconds later a naked ryoga lay sprawled on the floor of the dojo as hot water poured from the pot, burning his chest. It was much better to have the water too hot than too cold as it was quite difficult to fill the pot up even once as a pig, two and three times would wear at the patience of Job.
Ryoga got up and walked over to his backpack and began looking for some clothes. As he pulled the articles of clothing out his mind strayed to his feelings, his heart of glass, he took a deep breath and he thought that maybe he needed some time to sort things over. He would leave this place, get lost, and return at some random time, being away from both Akane and Ranma seemed like a good idea right now. Maybe that strange mental assault would be weakened and nullified by the time away… and maybe Akane would forgive him while he was away. Ryoga sighed as he realized the chances of that happening were about as good as him learning unaided flight.
Looking back around the training hall to make sure he hadn't left anything Ryoga turned and exited the dojo or tried to as he found himself looking in the broom closet again, he had a feeling this would take a while.
[Commercial Break: A chibi Ranma-chan is running away from an chibi Ryoga who is chasing her with a bouquet and tittle hearts following him. Ranma suddenly runs into a mirror that ripples like watter and Ryoga follows.]
[Commercial Return: Ranma-chan and Ryoga are dressed very nicely for what appears to be their wedding when the screen splits in two showing Ranma-chan daydreaming the scene with a content and preoccupied smile and Ryoga bolting out of his sleeping bag in a cold sweat and shuddering.]
Tatewake Kuno pulled himself out of the fish pond with more than a little disgust at the muck covering him from head to toe. He spat some of the fishy mud out of his mouth and swiped the mud out of his eyes. Kuno wasn't unaccustomed to meeting the dust it's just that this was wet, squishy, and slimy… someone would pay for this affront, Kuno thought as he pulled a fish out of his shirt and tossed it into the almost empty and now Kuno shaped fishpond and whirled to the back of the Tendo residence.
As Kuno stalked in he saw something that tore him in two most equal pieces, his pigtailed goddess was engaged in what looked to be mortal combat with the strong Akane Tendo. It wasn't fair, the pigtailed girl… or Akane Tendo? He couldn't let either of the two get hurt.
Ranma summoned another mallet of her own to replace the one that had just been knocked from her grip by Akane. She yelled taunt of "You were always jealous of my cooking and now you're jealous of my fiancee, too!" and the two girls began again their dance of death, or at least retributive, semi-therapeutic pain as swings were dodged or blocked with other swings.
"I must stop this travesty, before either the pigtailed goddess or Akane Tendo get hurt!" Kuno said as rushed into the Tendo residence tracking enough mud in to cause Kasumi to give the closest thing to a scowl anyone could remember in recent history.
"Shut up and sit down!" Happosai said as he thwacked Kuno on the head with his pipe.
Hiroshi and Daisuke wouldn't distracted from their observation as intent as they were watching Ranma and Akane, at least if they could help it. Hiroshi noted the movement from the corner of his eye and dismissed the chattering that was going on. Daisuke, however was siting closer and couldn't quite ignore it. "Kuno! Don't you know it's really uncool to interrupt a chick fight? Now shut up and watch!"
Happosai blinked in surprise at hearing his whole argument put so succinctly and almost elegant despite its rather harsh finish… this boy might have some potential. Sitting back down and watching Akane perform a good imitation of Donkey Kong's nemesis and arch-rival as she suddenly sprung on the offensive he leaned over and addressed to the boy sitting next to him "How do you feel about panties my boy?"
Kuno just stood there in shock, not only had the old man told him to not interfere but so had one of the underclassmen from Furinkan High… this would normally drive Kuno to anger but something didn't feel right and was tickling at the back of his mind. Then he had it, today fate had shown him the true path he should take regarding Akane Tendo and the pigtailed girl.
Kuno nodded in silent agreement with himself and then announced to the whole household. "For this day, fate shall conclusively determine which one, the mighty Akane Tendo or the bewitching pig-tailed girl, is deserving of Tatewake Kuno's unfathomable affection and shall be blessed with the affliction of my company, Forever!!"
Nabiki laughed, she couldn't help it, this was nearly as funny as when Kuno had wanted to give Ranma that cute dolly. So sudden and unexpected, at least this time she wasn't eating when he said it. "The affliction of my company!" she gasped for air but was unsuccessful as another wave of laughter escaped. 'That's just too rich!'
Kuno just scowled at her a bit before returning his gaze to the two combatants. Destiny was with him, for one would emerge the victor, and that one would be the one worth of someone as noble and righteous as Tatewake "Blue Thunder of Furinkan High" Kuno. Lightning flashed in the distance adding drama to his ongoing internal monologue.
* * * * * * * * * *
Genma's hands shook a little as he read the book, here it was the secret of the dreaded "Force of Will" technique, and what was causing his hands to tremble, the technique to guard against it. It was so simple, truly on the order of simplicity as the Cat Fist, but it didn't involve digging pits or catching cats.
Quickly Genma got the paper and pencil out and began to copy the information contained in the book, there was no way he could get the book out without the librarian catching him, unless… no, that wouldn't work. Sighing, Genma redoubled his efforts at coping the information, the efforts of speed and concentration causing sweat to build up and roll down his forehead and into his eyes. He blinked to clear them, this would be no time to misread the only hope for his son to be saved from this devastating maneuver.
When Genma finished twenty minutes later he stood with the book and the paper in hand and said to himself "I've got to get to the dojo immediately!" as he started running through the library, quietly and stealthily as all his martial arts training could muster, though heaven knew it probably wouldn't be enough if one of 'them' caught him. He shuddered at the thought of being caught by a librarian, and then pushed the horrible thought out of his mind tin order to concentrate on his mission.
He dropped the book on a table of books to be reshelved and continued on his way making turns almost at random he knew there was an exit around here somewhere… hey didn't that table of books to be shelved look familiar?
'Oh no! Not now!' Genma thought frantically as he looked about for some other route to take out of this maddening and incomprehensible maze. 'I'm lost!' he thought frantically looking for that exit, but failed as he only found the book-laden table again. "Where on Earth am I!?" he screamed to the heavens… then realized his mistake, the library was not the place to yell like that, and the librarians were sure to come after him with a vengeance now.
Genma snuck around trying to stay out of sight of everyone and get his bearings so he could find an exit and failing to find it he felt true terror creep up on him, which is why he jumped when someone said his name from right behind him.
Genma whirled around falling into a defensive stance and relaxing only when he saw Dr. Tofu. "Dr. Tofu?! What are you doing here?" Genma asked in a harsh whisper, not wanting to draw the attention of the librarians.
"What do you mean Mr. Saotome? I'm here for a book!" Dr. Tofu held up a book and smiled in that warm reassuring way that put patients at ease, Genma was worked up about something, but he couldn't quite figure out what it was. "By the way did you hear Ryoga, I'm sure I heard him yell from somewhere around here…" Dr. Tofu trailed off as he looked around for the eternally lost boy.
Genma laughed nervously, he didn't really want to let anyone know he'd lost his nerve like that… he would never live it down in the martial arts community, even given the rather extenuating circumstances of being in the public library. "N-no, I don't think that he's here Doc."
"Oh," The doctor looked like he was going to say something but decided against it and, after a rather awkward pause he looked at Genma nervously trying to watch in all direction and asked "Are you alright?" The other man looked like a spooked child trying to find the needle that he knew was coming from the doctor but never did because it was just a cold.
"Well, not really I've got to get to the dojo… I've found some crucial information that Ranma will need to counter the latest ancient technique the Amazons have pulled out of their hat."
Now Dr. Tofu was more than intrigued, he practiced martial arts more as a hobby, but still looking at Genma he could see that the man was quite concerned. Concerned, stressed, nervous, and with the way he kept squeezing his left hand probably pinching a nerve.
"Well, I guess you can come with me, we'll catch a cab back to the dojo." Dr. Tofu offered as he turned to go check the book out, a science fiction novel by the rising star of the international literary community, the Red Fire of NMSU, E. Fish. There was an dramatic burst of flame from nowhere to underscore the thought. 'That was weird… I wonder if I can do it agin…' Dr. Tofu thought for a moment before deciding not to try, something might actually catch on fire if he tried and he didn't want to be responsible for burning down the library.
"Wait for me!" Genma called in his harsh whisper, racing after the doctor. He knew that if he lost sight of the man he could very well never leave this accursed place. Genma finally caught up and fell into step behind and to the left of the doctor trying to keep a close eye on the doctor, watch out for any librarians, and avoid being seen by everyone all at once. He failed at the last two but those would be moot points if he lost the doctor and spent the last of his days starving in the philosophy section or, if fate was being really ironic, the cooking section.
Genma's hunched waddling dash from shelf to shelf immediately caught the librarian's attention. Suspicious didn't even begin to describe the bald guy, it was definitely something to check into.
"Ahem! What do you think you're doing?" she addressed the man, using the stare that the most effective mothers, teachers, and yes, librarians had used for countless generations.
Genma froze and stared, he suddenly felt a kinship with all deer that had been hit while staring at the headlights of an oncoming vehicle. It wasn't actually all that bad, sure he looked extraordinarily foolish and his certain doom was closing in, but that didn't matter right now because his mind was strangely focused, enchanted one might say, by the unique beauty of his destruction approaching.
The librarian came up to him like a specter and carefully inspected her quarry. The man seemed to be dressed like a martial artist with that white karate gi, but the way he moved nervously and like a frightened child seemed to be in conflict with that impression, perhaps he was a wannabe or martial arts fan. Lord knew that there were some schools of martial arts that were going extinct. The paper he clutched was screaming to her well trained librarian senses. "What is that?" she asked and pointed to the hand.
Genma watched his hand rise with a morbid fascination, by all rights he should eat the sheaf of paper and then the librarian would have no proof… but he couldn't seem to make the move before she snatched the sheaf of papers out of his hand. If only he had been quicker, if only he hadn't let the librarian see him, if only he could save his son… Genma wanted to cry, so much time and effort lost, and now his life was forfeit, dying of thirst just when the rain broke.
The librarian ruffled through the sheaf of papers looking at the hastily scribbled notes. "I see. You must be doing research on Martial Arts. You know we do have a resident expert that can help you the next time you come in." The librarian said with a friendly smile that made Genma want to scream in terror for a second until he realized it was a friendly smile.
* * * * * * * * * *
Dr. Tofu could barely suppress a laugh as Genma followed him into the waiting cab. The older martial artist had been in absolute terror when the librarian had approached him. Dr. Tofu would never have thought that Genma, of all people, would have a phobia of libraries… was there even a name for that phobia? Dr. Tofu wondered as he helped Genma into the cab.
"`ere'll it be, gents?" the driver said in an accent that was impossible or Dr. Tofu to place.
"So you know where the Tendo dojo is?" Dr. Tofu asked the man.
"Sure do, I'll have you there before you can recite the American pledge of allegiance." The driver said with a rouge-like smile, that twinkled mischievously.
"Are you willing to make that a bet?" Dr. Tofu had gone to the States for two years as a part of a medical student exchange program, his English had been quite good when he left but when he returned he could speak it almost like a native… better than some of the natives actually, and that was the sad truth.
The cab driver looked him over a moment and then winked as he agreed. "Double or nothin'?" He asked.
"Sounds good to me." Tofu sat back and took a breath to prepare, "Ready when you are."
"Go!" Genma said, spurring both of the other men into action. The cab flew off at speeds that Genma thought were better left to aircraft as the doctor rattled off the pledge… it was close, really close. The cab lurched to a stop just as the doctor said "and justice for", close as it was the winner was clearly the driver. Genma idly wondered if he'd broken the laws of physics with those ninety degree turns.
Dr. Tofu was surprised that he'd actually lost this bet, but he was a man of his word and paid the driver twice what the meter showed. It was when he turned back around to follow Genma inside that he was nearly bowled over by what appeared to be a human projectile.
Dr. Tofu found himself looking at Ryoga who seemed like a drowning man holding onto a piece of flotsam . "Dr. Tofu! Dr. Tofu!" the youth kept repeating. The doctor looked down and hoped that Ryoga hadn't had a relapse or flashback to the trauma that he'd experienced a while ago.
"I need your help!" Ryoga said after he'd calmed down a bit. "I… I..." he started to say something but seemed completely unable to finish it. 'Why can't I say it?' Ryoga thought to himself 'I need help! But Ranma was so nice to me as P-Chan this time… Gah!'
"Calm down Ryoga, tell me what happened." Dr. Tofu smiled reassuringly to Ryoga, and partly because he'd put money into the local betting pool going around with all the doctors as to which of Nermia's resident (or transient in the case of Ryoga) martial artists would be the first to seek professional help… on a psychological level, that was. The pot was up to almost thirty-two thousand yen and he could sure use that money… it would definitely help him get some newer equipment that he'd had his eyes on for the past month.
Ryoga took a deep breath and finally spat it out, but not before his right eyebrow twitched. "I was kissed!"
"That doesn't sound too bad…" Dr. Tofu thought out loud wincing as he saw Ryoga's eyebrow twitch again as he sputtered trying to say something.
"P-Chan, Akane, murderous, kiss…" Ryoga collapsed in hysterics, his right eyebrow twitching as if that part of his face wanted to dance. It would have been amusing if it weren't something like this, Ryoga thought, 'I've been wanting to kiss a girl like that for a long time now… but it had to be Ranma!!' Ryoga didn't even notice the cab that had pulled up to the dojo had returned, or the woman exit it. 'At least he was in his female form when he kissed me…' Ryoga found some bitter solace in that irony.
Dr. Tofu however, had not failed to notice the pretty woman step out of the car and march straight into the dojo carrying a elongated wrapped bundle. Dr. Tofu also noticed that when the sun hit her brown hair in a certain angle it appeared a fiery red. 'I wonder why she looked familiar...' he thought as he turned his attention back to Ryoga and tried to do something to help him when he heard a shriek from the dojo.
* * * * * * * * * *
Moments before the scream, in the living room of the Tendo residence, things had calmed down to the point where Akane and Ranma were both panting heavily and barely able to lift their mallets. The only indication of how long they'd actually been fighting was the smashed and wrecked furniture in the room.
The observers were still there, though there had been several close calls as one would jump on the table for a moment and the other would come in with a flying mallet-smash. It was amazing that the table had withstood that kind of punishment, but then again it had stood up to braining Ranma when he'd first arrived so it had to be sturdy. Genma had long since fainted and was being cared for by Kasumi. Nabiki was thinking of how she could get Ranma to lose without it being obvious interference, it would net her the most money after all. Hiroshi and Daisuke were listening to Happosai tell them about some of his adventures and what great students they could be. Kuno was intently watching the fight, internally cheering for Akane and his pig-tailed goddess alternately and simultaneously, he just hoped that fate would decide soon as he was getting kind of hungry.
There was a small stir as Genma Ran in yelling that he'd found the counter technique for some dreaded "Farce of Will" or something. It was in this dstracted moment that Akane got a solid hit on Ranma knocking ter into a sitting position where she wobbled for a few moments before squeezing her eyes shut against the pain.
Kuno jumped up and embraced the victor, Akane, having no strength or energy with which to fight back had to endure Kuno's declaration of unending love.
Nabiki grinned, she hadn't had to do anything at all.
Hiroshi, Daisuke, and Happosai noted that the battle was over and all left as soon as they saw Ranma wasn't going to just get up. Happosai leading Hiroshi and Daisuke like a mother duck would two prized ducklings.
Kasumi watched the newly formed trio exit and had the sinking feeling that there wouldn't be a single pair of feminine underwear all of Nermia when they were finished… or all of Tokyo at the end of the month. She idly wondered, not for the first time, about wether or not she should invest in at least some boys boxers, sure they weren't exactly proper, but with Happosai around, desperate times called foe desperate measures they said.
Genma had picked Ranma up and was trying to share the secret defense he'd found and Soun was just waking up when the woman walked in.
"No-No-Nodoka!" Genma sputtered, eyeing the bundle she was carrying, then looked back at his son, er, daughter and started to sweat. She'd definitely want to know where Ranma was.
Ranma just stood there starring blankly at… her mother, ranma tried to say something but as she worked her mouth no sound would come. Nodoka opened her mouth to say something when she was interrupted by Ranma's scream, which was followed by a softer "M-mom? But you're dead."
Genma simply noded once and held up a sign, although he was still in human form it seemed oddly appropriate as it read "No, I'm dead."
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Materia-Blade - Heh heh heh... Akane go boom... Heh heh.
Precisely, though I hope I put a bit of a fun twist in there for you. If anyone saw the Ranma/Akane fight over Ryoga coming good job… I hadn't actually planned it until Chapter three.
EternallyLost -Two words. Spiffy. And savvy. Because they're cool words.
They certainly are. I'm particularly fond of spiffy myself, although Chaos is a great substitution for "hell". "Damn it to Chaos!" and "What in Chaos!?" and would have to rate a little higher than savvy on my cool-o-meter.
anss123 - Great chapter, I wonder if the Nermians notices Ranma's turning male with cold water
I think they got the point, especially after Ranma turned female again with the hot tea, but what are they going to do about it?
dogbertcarroll - LOL. Great chapter. Nice use of Sasuke and the hentai twins!
Thank you, I had that chapter all planned out after I wondered how I could spread the Chaos around effectively, then it hit me, use the eternally hungry spy. Thus effectively giving Sasuke his own chapter. In retrospect I think I might have done it a bit better, but I'm not going to rewrite it anytime soon. I mean I'm sure you'd all want mt to work on the next chapter right? Surprise! I have major portions of that one done. I'll probably post it next week and concentrate on getting the first chapter of The Angst Team done… although I have a feeling they're going to be a bit on the big side.
Chris Stalis - Akane stated in Ranma-chan's universe that she was almost like a sister to ranma. [snip] Did Genma have other children, or is this form of siblingness more like how really old friends refer to each other as brother/sister? If it's being intentionally vague there, then I look forward to seeing what the truth really entails :) good fic.
Thank you, actually I wasn't really planning on being all that vague. The next chapter should clear up your question.
Verse12 - I am really enjoying this though, and I thought it was interesting to note how female ranma didn't know happy. So the next chapter will be focusing on male ranma? I like the idea of switching from chapter to chapter or however works best for you. I like both story arcs and cant wait to see how you deal with the two Ranmas. keep up the good work. Later :)
Well, I had originally planed to this chapter as the next chapter, but I decided to swap them around. I'll think about reveling the secret of Happosai's absence, or then again, maybe I'll just give some hints at it. I'm glad you're enjoying my story, and I hope everyone else enjoys it and keeps enjoying it. Later! :)
Comments & Criticisms are welcome.
efish@cs.nmsu.edu