||Chapter 6|| Life In The Pits
AKA "The Boring Chapter You Should Skip"
*Whump!* Kasumi looked up from her cookbook, something had just hit the front door, hard by the sound of it. 'I wonder what that was.' Kasumi thought as she got up and made her way to the front door.
Kasumi was about to open the door when she heard frantic or panicked shuffling outside, followed by a cry like a cat followed shortly by another and then sounds and vibrations like a tank battalion crashing through the front wall… 'Oh my! What was that?'
Kasumi waited a good fifteen minutes, waiting until she heard only silence, then opened the door to reveal what looked like a battlefield. Significant portions of the front wall were demolished, two trees had been uprooted or broken into firewood, and there were bodies in the rubbish. A pig, cat, panda, and Ranma as a girl, but they were bodies nonetheless, and all were being soaked by the torrential downpour. It looked like some World War Two movie scene… except in color, and without G.I.s or Nazis.
'Oh dear! I think Dr. Tofu might want to have a look at the Saotomes." Kasumi said to herself as she examined their battered bodies. 'I wonder why Ranma hasn't changed… maybe her curse has worn off.' She thought as she caught sight of some movement to the left.
"Oh father!" Kasumi called out to Soun Tendo who was returning from his city council meeting with an umbrella in one hand and several important looking papers in the other. He looked up, saw what had been done to his home, and let out a wail of despair.
* * * * * * * * * *
Soun looked at Genma intently, the other man was obviously contemplating something as he held the cup of hot tea. Dr. Tofu had given both the Saotomes a clean bill of health earlier, and while Ranma was upstairs taking a hot bath, half of Dr. Tofu's diagnosis wouldn't last if Genma kept being unresponsive and avoiding the question. "So now, what happened Saotome?"
Genma sighed as he set the tea on the table then pushed his glasses back on his nose before staring into space, remembering… "It all started years ago, when Ranma was about five or six, before Nodoka died."
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Genma heaved another shovelful of dirt out of the hole he was standing in over his shoulder. 'This is tougher than I expected, after three hours I'm only at a meter, the halfway point.' Genma chuckled a bit at the old 'half-a-hole' joke and looked up as a small child burst out of the back door into the backyard where he was working.
"Hi daddy!" The small redheaded girl said, simply oozing excitement and happiness as only a child can. "Whatcha doin'?"
"Ranma it's 'What are you doing?', now say it right." Genma said, grunting as the shovel struck another stone.
"Ok, what are you doing, daddy?" Ranma said without pause.
"I'm digging a hole for some martial arts training… I found a training book and it looked like an easy new technique." Genma said, resting a bit as he leaned on his shovel looking at his smiling daughter.
"Oh! Yay! Can I help?" Ranma asked, the hope plainly written on her face.
"Hmmm… I don't think you can." Genma said laughing a bit.
"Please daddy!" Ranma said, looking on the verge of tears.
"Well… ok, can you get daddy a drink of cool water?" Genma replied, he was just too soft on the girl, she was just too sweet and innocent to really refuse, well anything that was unreasonable anyway. He still couldn't believe that he'd talked her out of wanting a pony, heck by the end of the 'argument' he had half a mind to go looking for one. Not because he wanted to spoil her or anything, discipline was a different story, but he didn't want to disappoint her. He was still a bit unsure of what kind of relationship a father and daughter shared, but it was doubtless special.
Ranma came running out of the house with a joyful "Here daddy!", tripped and fell, splashing Genma with the cool water. She looked up with tears in her eyes and started to cry, not because she was physically hurt or anything, but because she had gotten her daddy wet and now he might be mad at her.
"Thank you Ranma!" Genma laughed a bit, "I needed to cool down a bit, that's just what I was going to do anyway."
It wasn't the truth he was going to drink it, but it wasn't really a lie either, the water was cool enough that it felt great on his exertion heated flesh, he just hadn't thought of doing it. Besides, who could be mad at such a cute little girl?
"There, there… Daddy loves you, don't cry." Genma pulled himself out of the hole with a grunt ans sat down next to Ranma who'd been torn between believing that her father wasn't angry and her own fears. It was the hug he gave her that stopped the tears. "Ranma, I'll always love you!"
Ranma smiled at hearing it, she knew it, but it was good to hear again and she couldn't help a happy giggle when he asked about kitty cats. "Sure, I can catch kitties. I caught patches, right?" Ranma asked as she pointed to the big tomcat whose fur pattern so matched his name.
Genma laughed a bit at that, Nodoka had been perturbed to no end when Ranma had brought the cat home one afternoon several month ago. "Yes, yes you did. But daddy doesn't want to use Patches in this training, he's too special…" Genma said, he didn't know if the cat would actually be in any danger, but something inside said that he might, and Ranma would be so upset if something did happen to Patches. "So could you get all those cats that hang around old lady Mina's house?"
"Sure daddy!" Ranma said with the energy and excitement that would have frightened the cats had they seen it and known what it meant for them. "I can go get them right now!"
"Wait Ranma! Where will you put them all?" Genma asked the little girl as she squirmed to go get the cats.
Ranma blinked, "Um… I don't know."
Genma nodded, "Well, I guess I'll have to build a pen for you to put them in later."
"Can I help?" Ranma asked, again in her sweet and good-natured manner.
Genma laughed as he started to get a few two-by-fours and a hammer to build a frame that would later be covered with chicken-wire, thus improvising a cage. "Sure Ranma, can you hand me the nails?"
* * * * * * * * * *
Nodoka glowered at Genma… really what had he been thinking digging the backyard up like that and that rickety looking cage was probably a health hazard waiting to happen, and look at Ranma's dress, that was the second one this month that had been stained. 'I swear, he'd be better off raising a boy!'
"And just what are you going to use that pit for. Genma darling?" Nodoka virtually spat out.
The sarcastic emphasis on the term darling didn't go unnoticed by Genma. "Ah, well, you see honey, I found a training book and wanted to try the training." Genma laughed a bit hoping to settle Nodoka's wrath a bit. "I was going to fill it up after I finished, I swear!"
Nodoka shot him a glare that would have caused him to burst into flames had she had laser-vision. "You'd better fill it up! Before I get back from my business trip to Hokkaido." Nodoka sighed, Genma had the uncanny ability to worm his way out of situations that would cause him bodily harm, even though he was a fairly accomplished martial artist. "And don't you dare let Ranma ruin another one of her dresses!" She finished glaring venom at Genma.
"Ye-y-yes dear." Genma said a bit shakily, when Nodoka glared like that at him it usually meant that she was fairly pissed and probably would take it out on him… painfully so with a couch as uncomfortable as the one in the basement, there was no way she'd let him use the semi-comfortable one in the livingroom.
* * * * * * * * * *
Genma screeched again, trying to get his back to pop and relive that awful pinching irritation in between the lower part of his shoulder blades. 'Oh well, that's what I get for sleeping on this ratty old couch.' Genma thought as he kicked the couch sending a cloud of dust into the air. 'I think I'll go up the stairs, quietly, and make myself some breakfast.'
As Genma poked his head cautiously out the basement door, looking not unlike a prairie dog, he was relieved to see that Nodoka had left for Hokkaido already. He glanced at the wall clock in the kitchen and was a bit surprised that he'd slept this late… of course it had been nearly impossible to go to sleep on that damn couch.
Genma strolled into the kitchen and began whistling a nameless random tune as he prepared breakfast for himself. Bacon and eggs, with a side of toast and orange juice, a traditional breakfast. American, yes, but traditional nonetheless. Genma glanced about nervously as if to see if someone was watching him and then relaxing suddenly spoke in a forceful but not too loud voice, as he didn't want to wake Ranma, yet.
"Saotome school of Anything Goes special egg breaking move!!" He said as he threw a half dozen eggs into the air, cracked their shells, and caught them in the pan. 'Without breaking the yolk either, I'm that good!' Genma thought with a contented smile as he placed the pan back on the stove.
"And now the toast…" Genma watched as the toaster pupped that instant sending four pieces of toasted bread into the air. "Saotome School of Anything Goes Toast Buttering Attack!" he almost shouted as he whipped the butter knife with butter into the flock of falling toast.
"Daddy, what are you doing?" Ranma asked from the kitchen doorway with a look on her face that said she was two words from giggling.
"Um…" Genma stood as if frozen for a few seconds after the toast fell to the floor, butter side down of course. "Practicing my martial arts…" he said somewhat lamely.
"You're so silly." Ranma said, finally giggling as she ran to give her father a hug. "I love you daddy!" She said as she kissed him on the cheek after he picked her up in a big hug. "What's for breakfast daddy?"
Genma looked at the toast on the floor and said "Bacon and eggs, sweetie, bacon and egg." Then he set Ranma on the cupboard, picked up the toast, and looked at it a bit thinking, 'A good martial artist must never let food go to waste.'
He set the toast on his own plate, flipped the eggs in the pan with no spatula, thank God for no-stick Teflon coated cookware. "Are we ready to eat? Huh Ranma?"
"Yeah!" Ranma said hopping down and rushing to the table with her plate and fork. Genma didn't particularly remember giving her any dishes, but then she was getting pretty big… why another few more years and she'd be dating, then going to college, then getting married, then… grandkids!!
'I'm too young to be a Grandpa!!' Genma thought frantically… then he remembered that Ranma was only four… or was it five now… maybe six. Surly not seven yet… Genma paled as he 'saw' his daughter aging before him, aging from teen to young woman to mother, why it seemed like only yesterday he'd held her in the hospital.
"Daddy!! I'm really hungry!" Ranma cried shaking Genma out of his… reverie.
Genma laughed, "Well, yes, you do need to eat so that you can grow up…" Genma trailed off as he saw it happen again. 'Damn it!! I'm not Soun! I won't cry!'
* * * * * * * * * *
Genma blinked another drop of sweat out of his eyes, it didn't sting anymore… maybe because he'd gotten used to it during the day. Boy it was getting hot, Genma thought as he leaned back and wiped the sweat off his face with a sleeve. The hole was at a two meter depth now, and that meant he was through with the digging and could take a rest… wait a minute how was he supposed to get out of this hole with out a ladder or something? He simply didn't think of jumping out… though he did try to climb out, he pulled himself up so that the ground was at armpit level before it collapsed on him.
Genma spat the dirt out of his mouth… at least it was kinda cool… and comfortable. A rather large stone that was embedded in one side of the hole fell out and hit Genma's head, almost bouncing off it and hitting his… other head. That was definitely not comfortable! Fortunately he was drifting into unconsciousness from the first impact. His last thought was on how Ranma was doing with the cat collecting.
Genma awoke with a pounding headache, he was out for a sufficiently long time that his genitalia were only mildly throbbing. Genma prayed thanks to God that he'd been knocked unconscious and didn't recall any of that pain as he'd much rather have the pounding headache.
"Hi daddy!!" Ranma called as she peered down into the hole. "You were taking a nap, so I went to get the kitties you wanted." She held out a brown and gray cat that had dirt-caked fur and had only one ear, "See! This is Mr. Cruncher." Ranma said, beaming.
"Mr… Cruncher?" Genma asked wondering where on earth she'd gotten that name.
"Yep! He was eating a mouse, and it went Crunch-Crunch-Crunch." Ranma said imitating the cat eating an obviously long dead rat.
"Um, sweetie… I don't think you should be getting those kitties." Genma said, a little worried about some cat-borne sickness, but then again for some reason cats loved her as much as she loved them, she never got scratched or bitten by even the meanest, grouchiest, old cats.
Ranma looked down at Genma and asked "Why not daddy? He likes me! See." She patted the cat on the head several times and it let out a loud bass purr that Genma could almost feel through the earth he was sitting in.
"Okay, honey… say could you get daddy the step ladder that's in the kitchen?" Genma asked as she was putting the big cat in the makeshift cage with the other cats. Genma wasn't sure but he thought he heard Ranma tell the cat to 'play nice' and he had to smile when he thought he heard an understanding mew come from the cat.
"Sure daddy!" Ranma shouted as she ran past the hole he was in.
A few minutes later Genma was pulling himself out of the pit he'd dug. The incident with the rock hitting him twice was giving him a bit of pause… 'No! A martial artist must stand firm in adversity, take the pain and challenge and meet it with determination and fortitude, and rise above it by turning it into a chance for training. That is what martial arts is, it's not about power or glory but about facing life's challenges and becoming better because of it!' Genma thoughts brought a single tear to his eye, that was so beautiful, he would have to write it down so he could share that wisdom with future generations of martial artists.
* * * * * * * * * *
'Finally, this is the moment of truth!' Genma thought as he stood on the edge of the pit, the cats below were meowing loudly at the smell of the fish sausage that was so close. "Ranma! Are you ready." Genma shouted, more for the dramatic effect than to be heard, and looked down at his daughter.
"Yes daddy!" Ranma shouted holding the rope that triggered the scaffolding's trapdoor. "Do you want me to pull it now?" Ranma asked suddenly unsure of what was going to happen or even how this would help her father to train, but she was truly joyful at being able to be a help to her father.
"Yes Ranma! Pull it now!" Genma yelled in enthusiasm back to his daughter who was pulling on the rope with all her might now… and again and again she pulled. Apparently the trapdoor was stuck.
Ranma pulled again on the rope about in tears, she had really wanted to help her daddy, but now she couldn't. It made her feel really sad and more than a little angry at the stupid thing not doing what it was supposed to do. She ran up to the side of the platform and, still holding the rope, took off running as hard and fast as she could. The abrupt jerk as she reached the end of the rope took her by surprise and she found herself suddenly looking up at the sky, her arms aching from the sudden stop and her hands hurting from the rope burns that now stung both of her small hands.
Ranma was so startled by this all that she didn't immediately cry, but after three seconds she burst into tears. She had gotten hurt and been unable to help her daddy. "I just wanted to help!" she said through sobs as she expected her dad to be there and when he wasn't there she started to feel scared that he'd left her there, unable to look at her because of the shame he must now be feeling.
In all reality though, Genma had other things on his mind, the sudden opening of the trapdoor had changed his perspective on life, like trying to get out of the pit of hungry cats that were clawing and biting to get at the sausage he was wearing. Moments ago he'd been ready to brave anything to learn a new technique. However, now that was the furthest from his mind as the cats swarmed over his body covering him like ants on a dying grasshopper. Though, for a brief moment, he thought of Ranma and how proud he was that his little girl would do anything to help him train before he let out a loud scream of pure terror.
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Ranma sat in the tub of hot water, glad that he was a boy for the moment, and was simply relaxing. He had no idea of the tale that was being told downstairs, if he did he would have no doubt have been arguing and contesting every point in the story Genma was telling Soun… except maybe about there being a pit full of starving cats.
Ranma had just closed his eyes and started to unwind when there was a strange clunking sound followed by some rattling that seemed to be emanating from the cabinet under the sink. Curiosity getting the better of him Ranma calmly exited the tub and stealthily made his way to the sink. Idly his mind produced the unbidden scene from a horror movie he'd once seen once, one of the characters wen't downstairs in a blackout to investigate a sound and was promptly killed by the predator that was lurking in the shadows.
Ranma mentally laughed at himself, it wasn't as if he was a defenseless little girl. Ranma winced internally at the thought of Akane hearing him say something like that. Taking a deep calming breath Ranma reached for the knob of the door and swung it open quickly hoping to catch whatever it was in there by surprise and found himself looking at the small body of…
"Ryoga!" Ranma gasped, almost sighing with relief. "How did you get in there? No, don't answer that, I don't wanna know." Ranma said as he scooped the black piglet into his arms and casually tossed hin into the bath.
"Who are you?" Ryoga yelled as he shot out of the water and landed in a defensive stance, which if you thought about it looked really ridiculous if you were a dripping wet naked boy.
Ranma was starting that he wasn't the only one to get hit on the head too many times. He stopped himself from saying something really caustic, he didn't really want to fight, he wanted to get back in the tub and relax for another half-hour or so, instead he said unemotionally "I'm Ranma Saotome."
Ryoga blinked once before pointing a finger at him and shouting "Liar!"
Ranma couldn't help but sigh, this guy was supposed to be his best-friend/arch-rival? 'What on Earth did I do to deserve this?' Ranma thought caustically to any spiritual being who might be interested in anything that he had to say, not that he thought that any would. Though what Ryoga said next certainly indacated that God did have a sense of humor… Ranma just wasn't sure he understood the joke, and he was quite sure he didn't want to know the punch-line.
"Ranma is a beautiful, graceful, wonderful, vibrant, energetic, kind, young lady!" Ryoga shouted still pointing, "And you're not!" he added emphasizing his point with a jab in of his index finger in Ranma's direction.
Ranma sighed it appeared there was only one way out of this without a fight, Ranma really didn't want to change into a girl right now, although it would be rather amusing to see Ryoga pass out from blood loss.
Ryoga thought he was about to be attacked when he saw the boy next to the sink grin evilly, he was a bit confused by that look as all the times he'd seen it had been when he was a pig and someone was incredibly hungry. 'Is this guy a cannibal or something?' Ryoga found himself wondering as another thought followed up on its heels 'or maybe he's one of those homosexual predators… ewwwww.'
Ranma couldn't help flashing a grin before he turned the cold water on and quickly clamped his hand under the flow of water, spraying him and changing his body into a that of girl's.
The thoughts in Ryoga's mind faded away like frost on a pre-spring morning, gone before noon, there standing before him was… "Ranma."
Ranma hadn't expected that, it just wasn't like Ryoga, he should be needing life support and a transfusion by now. 'Oh well, at least half of my plan worked.' Ranma thought as he could almost see the gears in Ryoga's head trying to process this information, 'Figures, he already knew about it but it still surprised him, no wonder all my corny disguises work on him.' Ranma thought dryly, 'I wonder when he'll snap out of it.' Ranma thought, seeming to summon Ryoga from his mental stall.
"Oh Ranma! I had no idea you were cursed too!" Ryoga wailed in a good imitation of Soun, tears starting to form and all. Ryoga then jumped right in front of Ranma and pulled 'her' into a warm comforting embrace… that ended as soon as Ryoga's eyes popped open as he realized that he was holding a girl while he was naked, a cute naked girl at that too. Ryoga unceremoniously collapsed into a bloody pile of randomly twitching appendages.
* * * * * * * * * *
Mousse sighed as he brought the fifth mug up to his mouth and took a good quaff and the foam on the top of the fresh glass mug tickled his nose. Here he was in an establishment that tried to emulate an American 'Old West' look trying to drink his sorrows away without much success. 'Shampoo hates my guts and Ranma only likes me as a friend… is there anyone on the whole Earth that is as unlucky in love as I am?' Mousse thought forlornly.
At that moment the two swinging doors parted for the one person who could arguably have had as bad a love life, Tatewake Kuno, complete with bokken and a cowboy hat and boots with spurs. "Barkeep! Your strongest beer!"
"I'm sorry sir, we don't serve alcohol." the bartender said with a slightly irratated look, "This is a soda shop after all."
"I meant 'fetch me your strongest Root Beer,' isn't that obvious!" Kono said with a look of indignance, and coincidently a straight face. He'd actually thought that this place was a bar, too bad though, he could use some strong beer, sake, whisky, or even vodka. Living with his sister was enough to cause that, but it was worse when Shampoo and Akane Tendo both rejected him. He wasn't as clueless as they thought him… most of the time, that is. He just thought that maybe someday he could win one of them over with his persistence. 'They say that a working definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results, if that's true then I'm really insane… when it comes to love.' Kuno thought, not bothering to throw his thoughts into the poetic mode he often used. It suited his mood, poetry was beautiful, like both Shampoo and Akane, but his life had precious little beauty in it… other than what he could see of Shampoo and Akane… why do you thing he had bookshelves of their pictures, it was a vain attempt to have some beauty in his life.
Not that the noble Tatewakt Kuno would ever admit that his life sucked, it was just sometimes things got a little overwhelming. He'd tried everything, from getting his sister put into an all-girls school to sending his father to Hawaii… Kuno grimaced at that one, that had really blown up in his face, now instead of having just a impossibly insufferable father he now had an insane and impossibly incorrigible and insufferable father. Nothing ever worked out for him, even his plan to help Akane keep ahead of the male populace of the school in her martial arts training with that stupid challenge had blown up in his face when he realized that he'd have to fight her and win if he wanted to take her on a date. Of course he'd always let her win, he could never intentionally hurt Akane, and he would have seriously punished anyone of the male populace in the school who did.
"Here you go!" the bartender said as he slid the mug along the bar, it stopping exactly in front of Kuno without spilling even a drop.
Kuno nodded his thanks and sipped at the drink through the mound of foam on the top as he returned to the contemplation of his life.
Mousse looked up at Kuno, or at least where he thought Kuno was. He didn't have his glasses on and the world was just a blur of color. Mousse had heard something in the other's voice, well-concealed emotional pain, of a personal nature perhaps. When you were next to blind, and many people commented that he was blind, you learned to use your other senses. Hearing in particular was sharpened to a razor accuracy and Mousse was sure that it was Kuno that was in here with him, 'But what on Earth would cause him emotional pain? He's popular in school, a good athlete, he has a well off family… all the things I don't have, except Shampoo.' Then it hit Mousse, could it be that Kuno was in the same lonely loveless boat as he was in? 'He likes both Akane Tendo and Shampoo, but they both seem to hate his guts. I guess he might have it worse than I do, being rejected by two women rather than just one… well, I guess you could say two, Ranma's not interested in me at all, but I'm happy just being friends with her… almost.'
Mousse and Kuno lost themselves in the mugs of Root Beer that they were nursing. It seemed like each was content to wallow in their own misery and self pity in a manner that seemed more suited to Ryoga, the Eternally Lost Boy, but that was where the difference came in to play, Ryoga had a why to live for where Mouse and Kuno were losing theirs. That was the odd thing about it, if you had a why, a purpose, you could endure any what, more than anyone thought you capable of.
Mousse and Kuno sighed at the same time, oddly enough noticing the stereo effect brought the faintest of smiles to their lips as a small bond of mutual understanding grew. "You got rejected by Akane again didn't you?" Mousse asked, already knowing the answer he had to hear it from Kuno himself… maybe, just maybe, they could help each other and leave their lonely lives behind forever.
"Yes." Kuno nodded and closed his eyes, "That fair flower which blows on winds just out of hand's reach."
Mousse nodded, the poetry perfectly understood. "You know, the only reason Shampoo ever came to Japan is Ryoga Hibiki."
"Yes, what of it?" Kuno asked genuinely wondering where this was going.
"If we were to defeat Ryoga the playing field would be clear. You could pursue Akane and Shampoo, while I woo Ranma." Mousse offered adding a silent 'and Shampoo.' to his statement. Mousse wondered where his glasses were, it would really help if he could see Kuno's face and gauge his reaction.
Kuno chuckled slightly at the picture of him easily vanquishing that horrible Casanova, Ryoga, and taking Akane and Shampoo out together. "I think that is a perfectly plausible idea." He said as he offered his hand to Mousse.
'I'm afraid to stand up…' Mousse thought as he eyed the hand in front of him. Those other four Root Beers had caught up with him and the slightest jostle threatened to put him in a rather embarrassing position, nonetheless Mousse took the hand firmly and thus their pact was sealed.
Kuno looked back down at Mousse and smiled, Ryoga was doomed. He threw back his head and laughed a deep and maniacal laugh that was almost instantly joined by one of Mousse's. The barkeep just shook his head at the two thinking that maybe he should open a psychiatric clinic in the corner for the crazies that all seemed to gravitate to his shop.
* * * * * * * * * *
Ranma pulled the plug from the drain and stepped out of the tub and as he toweled off he saw that Ryoga was still twitching on the floor. 'Well, it seems I've found a way to keep him from getting lost.' Ranma thought with a cocky smirk… before he remembered that diary he'd rear earlier and shuddered… 'ewwwww! I'm a guy!! I swear I am!'
Ranma quickly pulled on some clothes, he oddly only had three pair of Chinese shirts, the rest of the clothes in the closet were decidedly girlish in nature, although the pink and red one wasn't that bad he guessed, then mentally slapped himself for even thinking of thinking of wearing it before heading out of the bathroom with a parting shot of "Hey, clean up your mess, will ya Ryoga?" Which was only answered by a feeble twitch and what might have been a moan.
Ranma was on his way down the stars when he felt the whole second floor shake from a door being slammed. It had to be Akane, she was the only one who regularly slammed doors around here. Ranma stood at the top of the stairs hesitating as he was torn between seeing if Akane was ok or going to find something to eat. Ranma looked longingly down the stars for a moment before turning around and making his way to Akane's room and though he'd decided that he was going to see what was bothering Akane he paused before knocking, invariably he would wind up on the receiving end of some painful retribution.
"Go away!" Akane's emotion filled half-scream gave Ranma a bit of pause.
'Well, if I'm going to get pounded I think that I'll just get it done and over with.' Ranma thought as he opened the door, ready to jump to the side at a moment's notice. Hey, even if he was resigned to getting pummeled he wasn't going to rush into it head on… especially where a mallet wielding Akane was concerned, the last time she'd whacked him upside the head something good.
Akane looked up, well glared is a more accurate term, at the door opening. She was in no mood to talk to anyone. 'Why can't people just leave me alone?' Akane wondered as a head poked in through the door, Ranma's head, at that realization a surprising amount of the anger she'd been feeling disappeared. 'Well, I guess I could talk to Ranma, she's always there to talk to… even after we fight.'
"Akane?" Ranma asked somewhat nervously unsure if he was really doing the right thing, "What happened?"
"Kuno..." Akane tried to articulate what had happened, "He, tried to get me to date him again…" Akane hoped Ranma wouldn't start lecturing her again, but it was good to know that Ranma was always there to help her out. "I know you and Ryoga are already set up, you know, engaged, and all. You don't even have to date him and I'm fine with that, really." Akane said trying to stave off Ranma's favorite 'lecture' the 'You-need–a-man' lecture which always resulted in Ranma going off and fantasizing about her man, Ryoga, for a few hours. 'Boy, she does have it bad, I just hope she can take it when she finds out Ryoga's not perfect, and I hope Ryoga can take it when she finally tells him all her plans.' Akane always felt a little sorry for Ryoga when Ranma got like that, she had a vision of a man falling into an irresistible river and being washed away no matter how much he struggled. Ranma was, of course, the river and Ryoga the poor fool who'd got caught in her currents. 'Even if he wasn't interested in Ranma she'd get him.'
'Me and Ryoga!' Ranma felt his eyes widen and his brain starting to stall. Karmic retribution for what he'd done to Ryoga in the bathroom he supposed, before all conscious thought left his mind.
"I don't know Ranma…" Akane continued not even aware that Ranma would have been paying more attention if he'd simply been asleep. "Kuno's a nice guy, if only he didn't try so hard he'd be much more attractive. It's like he has nothing else in his life to pay attention to, no dreams or ambitions except for 'Dating with you!'" Akane mimicked Kuno rather well, though this too was lost on Ranma. "He's got enough in his head to make something of himself but I guess he just doesn't want to or something."
Akane continued listing all of Kuno's faults, interspersed here and there with a strength or asset, while Ranma's mind tried futilely to make sense out of things, it was as if it were trying to divide by zero or some other undefined function and because it was undefined it struggled to make some kind of definition… then things clicked into place, engaged, as in 'engaged in combat', so obviously Ryoga had challenged him, hence the date, and he was going to wipe the floor with the lost boy. That obviously was what Akane had meant when she said 'dating and engaged', and even if she had said something different it still would have meant the same thing `cause that's what she meant Ranma's subconscious smiled in satisfaction as it hit the 'reset button' for his conscious mind.
Ranma looked around as if looking for something that was missing, he felt as if something weird had happened, but was unsure of what exactly that was… he had a nagging feeling about a date or something, a challenge maybe?
"Ranma, are you listening to me?" Akane asked in a rather iratated tone. 'I'll bet she wasn't, she was probably daydreaming about Ryoga, again. She really needs to learn to control herself, I mean, I think I can see a drool stain on her shirt!'
"Wha!" Gasped Ranma "Of course I'm listening to you Akane! What else would I be doing?"
'Thinking about your fiancee…' Akane thought in reply but instead said "I have no idea what you'd be doing, but isn't today the day you help Kasumi make dinner?"
"Dinner?" Ranma said, unsure of where that had come from, "I don't think so…"
"Ok, then it must be my turn!" Akane said with a wicked grin.
Ranma paled as he scrambled up, "No, no, you were right, it is my turn… I was just testing you," Ranma laughed nervously "Yeah, testing."
'Ranma, you know Kasumi won't let me cook… unless I beg. What's the matter with you?' Akane thought a split second before saying "Then you'd better get down there you don't want to be late again do you?"
"No, of course not!" Ranma agreed though his thoughts reflected a bit different train of thought, 'It's Kasumi, what would she do, not smile at me?'
Ranma turned out of Akane's room and bolted for the stairs. What was going on here. The more he thought about it the more it didn't make any sense. 'Maybe I am going nuts.' Ranma thought as he took two and three stairs at a time, pausing at the bottom of the starcase to wonder why he didn't just jump over the railing.
He was about to bound off into the kitchen when he say his father and Mr. Tendo talking. He couldn't resist the urge to go and find out what they were talking about, he couldn't shake the feeling that it was him that was the topic of discussion.
"And that's when Ranma came by with a bucket of fish heads and dumped it into the pit with me." Genma was saying as Tendo was starting his telltale cry.
"You have such a good and helpful daughter Genma!" He wailed as the streams of tears came pouring out at unbelievable rates. "I wish that one of my daughters was that loyal and dedicated to martial arts."
"There-there Tendo. Kasumi is much more wifely than Ranma is and Akane is dedicated more to martial arts than Ranma." Genma said trying to comfort Soun.
Ranma couldn't believe what he'd just heard, not the being compared to Kasumi and Akane, that was natural if everyone thought he was a girl, but that Akane was more dedicated to the art!! That was… was… sacrilege!
"Hey! I can beat Akane any day of the week with one hand tied behind my back!" Ranma yelled at the two fathers taking them both by surprise.
"Now if only you'd apply yourself to martial arts with that kind of direction you would be the best martial artist in all of Tokyo." Genma said rather calmly. "But we can't let you just give up on everything else to focus on martial arts."
'Dad is lecturing me on having a balanced life? What's next? Is Kuno going to get a doctorate or Dr. Tofu start acting normal around Kasumi? How about Kasumi getting angry!? Maybe Nabiki will give up her worldly possessions to join a convent! What else I ask!? What!?' Ranma was ready to burst and say something, except he didn't know what to say. It was totally ridiculous, or so he told himself as he tried to pull himself away from the conversation… there was something he needed to do but he couldn't exactly recall… until Kasumi stepped into the room with a tray of tea for the two fathers.
Kasumi smiled to each of them as she set the tray down and then grabbed Ranma's ear and dragged the boy to the kitchen as she returned.
'What is all this about?' Ranma wondered in the few moments it took to get to the kitchen. 'I wonder what Kasumi wants.'
Ranma found out a second later when Kasumi suddenly sprouted a giant dragon-head and yelled at Ranma for being late.