Innocent as a child
By Love is for Fools
Part of the Only when sleeping stories
Hating My Heart
Everything is so wrong
That should be me
I should be loved
But I'm not
And I hate you for that
You're guilty of crimes my heart cries
You're innocent in my mind
Logic overrides the heart for a short time
I have to go before I lose my mind
And I don't want to hate you
Because you're so innocent, not at fault
I'm a load of self hating
Got so much
Can't handle it
You're guilty of crimes my heart cries
You're innocent in my mind
Logic overrides the heart for a short time
I have to go before I lose my mind
You're guilty of crimes my heart cries
You're innocent in my mind
Logic overrides the heart for a short time
I have to go before I lose my mind
And I don't want to hate you
Because you're so innocent, not at fault
I'm a load of self hating
Got so much
Can't handle it
So, I'm letting it go
Letting the life go free
Watch as the moon follows me
It's dying, the sun is rising
The lilies blooming bright red
He stood over the bed looking down as the person slept peacefully dreams of his previous life not haunting him tonight as they had before. He seemed over what had happened in the past, realizing that his goal would never bring back their life's, they had been reborn long ago.
And, that the person he wanted to punish wasn't at fault for his misfortunate origins of a thief. He was quickly becoming everyone's best friend, someone they could confine their darkest secrets with. His sarcastic humor was a relief from the monotonous days they encountered, his mischievous nature occupying their time.
He even helped the flaxen haired beauty, Katsuya, who was drowning in his present day woe and unwilling to inform his friends of it. He had no trouble spotting the signs of the boy's torture, like he had, Katsuya was going insane with despair, unable to remember a time that his father did not destroy him if there was one, he even doubted the existence of his sister. His father's brainwashing becoming more apparent to everyone, but he refused to believe there was something wrong, that his cowering in his seat when a teacher yelled his name was a normal thing.
He was quickly returned to reality from his hell on earth, by the telling of the thief's story, about his ruin and hardship. Katsuya took a stand, his false courage becoming true at the finding that it wasn't the end when ripped. They're together now, helping each other heal the still open wounds. The others were happy for them; they knew how much they needed each other.
Even though he had moved on, his other hadn't, the dreams hurting him, they'd slowly become him, evoking his personal darkness. He was angry, his darkness lived the life he couldn't, had the genuine friends and love that could have been his. Thinking about it hurt, the knife in his hands would do the job. He wanted to sink into the gray, be numb, he was trapped in his never-ending angst ridden thoughts, thoughts of watching a knife plunge into his other, or his thin hands wrapping around a white throat that was losing breath. He hated himself for this, guilt and self-hatred becoming his major feelings.
He wanted to let it all go because he realized he was no longer the light, but the darkness. The boy whose white hair was spread against the black bed sheets face was relaxed not in a normal sneer or smirk, his inky black lashes fell against his cheeks, bubble gum pink lips slightly open soft breaths coming from them. His arms were wrapped around a pillow hugged tight to him, and his knees were pulled up to his chest. He looked so much like a child, an innocent child. He didn't deserve any of his other's hatred, so he was getting rid of it the only way he knew how.
He breathing became irregular, his arms were shaking, he wondered if he was going to be able to do this. He placed a note on the bed side table, and walked away to the backyard garden. Outside the air was crisp and seemed clearer, he thought that maybe the world always looked more focused when you knew death was coming.
In the garden grew some beautiful white lilies. He laid among them staring at the moon. He lifted the hand with the knife closer to his heart, pausing only a moment to think of past memories before sliding it into the container of his life and feelings. He gasped sharply, it hurt, but not as much as living with hatred in his heart. As he died his blood leaked on the surrounding lilies, when they opened in the morrow they would be as red as the life from his veins used to be.
The darkness held the letter in his hand. Sadness enveloped his being. A sob came from him, he hadn't cried in so long, but how could he not when the knowledge that his light's death was his fault surrounded him.
I'm sorry that I have to do this, but it's the only way to stop this feeling of hatred that has consumed me. I hate you and I hate my self for hating you, and I know you don't deserve it so I have rid myself of it. I want to fall into the earth and hope to never feel again, because I can't stand it. You're innocent of the crimes my heart seems to cry, and I can't allow it to make me harm you. So, I'm gone now, and so is my anger. I'm free of my life.
'I wasn't that innocent', he thought to himself, 'not so pure that my being couldn't cause the death of a person, like it did to you . . . Ryou. I hope you're happy and free.'
Love is for fools: I don't own the show, but the plot and song Hating My Heart is my own. If you wish to use it e-mail me or put it in your review, and give the credit to me. Thank you for reading this.