Ranma Dead

by Nicholas Stone

Ranma Accidently downs one of Hikaru Gosunkugi's concotions with amusing results.

Ranma Dead:

(The Whole Story)

by

Nicholas Stone

Furinkan High School

Class Break, 10:00AM

Ranma Saotome trudged along the high school hallways towards the one class he simply dreaded the most. Chemistry, he thought rounding the turn towards the stairs. Who in their right mind would need such a subject when there was more important things in life besides playing around with chemicals and fungi crap.

Today, the class was continuing on with their projects for the upcoming school bazaar, and he still had not thought up anything to present for Professor Hano. Ranma knew he better come up with something quick, otherwise he'd fail this course and that would hurt his chances of advancement into the next class.

"Humph," he muttered. "Maybe I can get some kind of an idea from Gos." He shuddered at the notion, dreading even having to be in the same classroom with the creepy kid. But he had to admit; Gosunkugi did come as a surprise to everyone. An obvious techno freak, his grades and scores allowed him to advance into higher-level classes not normally allowed by the school faculty. Now if the kid would just drop his lusting for Akane, and quit trying to kill him, then maybe, just maybe he could turn out to be a likable guy.

"Well, I've got nothing else to lose," said Ranma, drawing in a deep breath. "It's either that, or another semester of the periodic tables."

Shuddering, Ranma turned the corner hading down to the chemistry lab...

---

Hikaru Gosunkugi's pale, placid face peered hard at the beaker in front of him, a shaky hand gently squeezing a clear colored liquid from a eyedropper into a glass on the counter top. Several drops fell into the glass blending seamlessly into what appeared to be water, but Gosunkugi knew this was not the case.

He grinned, setting the eyedropper down and beamed proudly at his latest anti-Ranma creation. "Finally," said Gosunkugi, "I will neutralize Ranma and his power over the fair Akane's heart. Then she will be mine. Mine, mine, MINE!"

Gosunkugi cackles filled the lab, cutting short upon hearing someone clearing their throat behind him. Hikaru flinched looking slowly back over his shoulder, straight up into Professor Hano's face. The tall, middle-aged man stood with one brow cocked up, eyeing him with a suspicious glare.

"So, Hikaru. I assume from your catatonic, deviant chortles, you are celebrating the completion of your latest assignment and are about present it to me... hmmm?"

Hikaru sat speechless, feeling like one of his specimens up under the microscope. Professor Hano spotted a small piece of paper lying next to the glass and picked it up, reading over the writing on it.

"Oh, I see this is not the case," he continued setting the paper back down. Hano's penetrating glare looked down on him again. "At it again, Gosunkugi?"

Hikaru swallowed the fear lump in his throat, nodding slightly.

"Hikaru, Hikaru, Hikaru," said Hano, shaking his head as he placed a firm hand on one shoulder. "I am sorry you have such a vendetta against Ranma, and this thing for that young lady. However; I and this class will not be your instrument of destruction."

"I'm not trying to destroy anyone, Professor," said Hikaru.

"Oh?" Hano's eyes cut over to the glass. "Then what is that?"

Hikaru's deviant grin returned. "That is a neutralizer."

"A what?"

"A neutralizer... or an equalizer depending on how one looks at it."

Hano stared at the boy for a moment. "What is it supposed to do, may I ask?"

"It's supposed to weaken the neural and respiratory systems, and relax muscular responses."

"And what are the ingredients?"

"Uh, the derivative juices of the Cannabis plant, a strong dose of Conium Maculatum, and just a teensy-weensy dose of tubocurarine."

Again, the long look from the Professor set Hikaru slightly back. Hano shook his head to clear his mind and get back on track.

"Let me get this straight, Hikaru. You have combined Marijuana extract, Hemlock, and Curare into what appears to be just an ordinary glass of water?"

"Eh... yeah?"

Hano cut his eyes down at the glass. "Curare, Hikaru?"

"Just a teensy-weensy bit."

"How much of a teensy-weensy bit?"

"Ah 'bout... oh... twenty-five percent?"

"Dump it, Hikaru," Hano said firmly.

Gosunkugi frowned, staring sadly down at his latest creation. "Gee, do I have to, Professor? I took great pains to get it looking just right."

"There's enough curare in that glass to kill three wild horses!"

Gosunkugi looked excitedly up at Hano. "Exactly," he said brightly, snapping his fingers seconds before realizing his mistake. Hikaru leaned forward beating his forehead with his fist cursing himself.

"Hikaru," called Hano, drawing him back around. The Professor rolled his eyes briefly up to the ceiling before continuing.

"Listen, although I give you an 'A' for your creativity, I cannot allow you to continue concocting these harmful substances designed to kill Saotome."

"Well he keeps breaking my hammers and stakes, and that's getting quite expensive you know."

Hano hung his head, muttering for a moment. "Hikaru. You are better off concentrating on your current project than seeking vengeance against Ranma."

Gosunkugi picked up the glass and held it up to the light. A shame, he thought shrugging lightly. With a deep sigh, he looked around for the nearest deep sink to dispose of the liquid.

"Guess you're right, Professor," he said. "Not that I'm running out of time since I'm already down with my project."

"What?" said Hano.

"I'm done. Finished. Kaput."

"Already? But I only assigned it to the class two days ago!"

"And I had most of it done that evening." Hikaru gave Hano a wry look. "You didn't think such a simple challenge like that would slow me up. (BWHAHA!) No way, Professor."

Hikaru started to rise, but Professor Hano held him back. "Where is it?" he asked.

"It's down in the culturing room. Should be just about completing final molting?"

"Molting? Let's go see what you've created, Hikaru."

"What about this?" replied Gosunkugi, pointing at the glass in his hand.

"Cover it and let's go. It will keep."

Hikaru shrugged and set the glass back down, covering the top with the paper on the counter top. "Don't see what the big deal is. It doesn't have teeth if that's what you're worried about."

"Please, Hikaru."

"Okay, okay."

Hikaru lead an exasperated Professor Hano out the lab unawares of the mistake that he had just committed on the table behind him...

---

Ranma entered the chemistry classroom searching for Gosunkugi, but oddly there was no one around. Strange, even though there still were a few minutes before break was over, Hikaru could always be found here tinkering and toying around with something or other.

He went over to Hikaru's spot and drew up a stool waiting for him to arrive. Casually, Ranma looked over the myriad of test tubes and burners arrayed along the center counter coming to a stop on a glass and the note covering the top. There appeared to be some writing on it and he picked it up.

'For Ranma' was all it said.

Ranma smirked looking into the glass. It appeared to be water and he smacked his lips, looking around again.

"Gee, how Gos know I'd be thirsty," wondered Ranma.

With a cheerful smile, Ranma picked up the glass...

---

Gosunkugi stormed back into the chemistry lab fuming at his latest setback. "I can't believe the Professor actually made destroy it," he fumed. "So my creation had a small taste for metals. That's no reason to get rid of a perfectly good living enzyme."

He came around the corner, stopping abruptly noting Ranma sitting at his spot. He was quiet; head tipped slightly forward, an odd grin creasing his lips. Hikaru stared at him, a feeling of foreboding dread suddenly filling his chest. His eyes cut from side to side, leaning one way then another studying Ranma's immobile posture.

Slowly, Hikaru inched up next to him. "Ranma?" he nervously called, but there was no response. Gosunkugi stepped slightly back, and then timidly prodded Ranma on the shoulder. Still nothing, Hikaru swatted him hard against the side of the head.

That should have brought on at least an angry sneer, but the unsettling grin remained on Ranma's face. It was time to regroup and survey the situation again. Hikaru spotted the glass that had once held his deadly concoction, now empty, and then saw the note lying next to it. He paused as his normally quick mind pieced things ever so slowly together dreading the obvious outcome his common sense had already arrived at.

A sharp gasp, Gosunkugi clasping his hands fearfully to his mouth in stunned realization.

"Heeesss deeeaadddd!" trailed Hikaru.

Mixed emotions filled the budding mad-scientist. In one hand, his arch love rival was finally forever gone leaving the fair and innocent Akane ripe for the taking, but in the other hand there was the fact that he had killed Ranma and what the dear and ferocious Akane would do to him when she found out.

"Oh this is not good," he said. "No, no, no, no, no! Professor Hano will surely fail him for this... eah, maybe not. He might just award me a scholarship and—."

Hikaru slapped himself in the face, drawing him back to reality. "What am I saying? I'm going to jail!"

Okay, a plan was needed. First thing would be to hide the body for a while long enough for him to come up with some kind of way to sneak Ranma out before anyone discovers his change of attitude.

"Change of attitude," groaned Hikaru, rolling his eyes.

Gosunkugi glanced up at the clock. Break was just about over leaving him not much time. Best get Ranma tucked away, then try and find some help. He grimaced, knowing that the only help he would find was the one person who might just kill him as well.

No way around it, Hikaru taking hold of Ranma's shirt. "Come on, Ranma," he said as he pulled the still warm body from the stool. Not the strongest of people, Ranma's body felt like a ton to Hikaru. He groaned sinking steadily to his knees beneath the weight.

"Even dead, you still give me problems!" gasped Hikaru.

Drawing in a breath, Gosunkugi managed to lift Ranma up over one shoulder, staggering back and forth to the door...

---

The class bell rang signaling it was time for the next period to begin. Akane Tendo pulled her books from her locker and made a quick check of her notes before heading off to class. She was barely down the hall when a frantic call from behind brought her to a stop.

Akane turned and found Hikaru Gosunkugi rapidly making his way through the students towards her. She smirked not wishing to go through another of his tirades again, but thought better of it and waited to hear what new antics the love struck underclassman had for her today.

Much to her surprise, Gosunkugi said nothing when he reached her. Even more startling was the way he literally jerked her from the floor as he pulled Akane along behind him.

"Gosunkugi, what are you doing? Where are you taking me!" she cried as they wound though the halls.

Finally, he led her off to one of the lesser-used classrooms. Akane stood fuming at him, her face turned down in a dark scowl.

"Hikaru. I hope you have a very good explanation for all of this," she snapped, fist creaking.

Gosunkugi glanced fearfully at her, opening the door. "R-R-Ranma," he stammered, pointing inside.

Akane frowned looking in. The room was currently being used as extra storage, desk and tables stacked around the room. In a chair at the far corner she spotted Ranma sitting quietly by himself.

"Ranma?" said Akane walking in. He did not move and she walked closer. "Ranma, what's wrong? Did Gosunkugi do something to you?"

"You have a trap door mind, Akane," said Hikaru as he closed the door behind them.

She whirled around. "What's wrong with Ranma!" shouted Akane.

Hikaru nervously fought to come up with the right words to describe the situation. "Uh... well... you see, Akane... Uh, uhm... Ranma's kind of... uh—."

"Kind of what, Hikaru!"

"He's, uh... kind of dead."

Akane drew in a breath, spinning around back to Ranma. She stared at him, and then was quickly at his side.

"Ranma, Ranma?" repeated Akane, not believing what Gosunkugi said. A few quick prods, a check for a heartbeat, a look into glassy eyes proved him to be correct. The cry issuing from her gained only a few decibels before Hikaru clasped a hand across her mouth. After a few moments of muffled moans and panting, Akane settled down looking back him.

He moved his hand away and Akane asked who did it.

"Uh, would you believe it was me?" he replied.

Gosunkugi's feet left the floor along with much of his body as Akane took the hapless boy by the collar, slamming him up against the wall.

"What do mean you killed him! How can you kill him, you can even manage to kill a fly yet alone Ranma! How did you kill him, how did you kill him, how did you kill him!"

Akane finished shaking the life out of Hikaru. He paused to allow his eyes to stop rattling around in their sockets before answering.

"It was an accident," he said in a throttled voice.

Akane let him go. "An accident? Hikaru, he's smiling. How did you kill him?"

"The, the smile I'm not sure about," replied Hikaru as he pulled himself from the floor. "But I can say without a doubt that Ranma drank one of my experiments."

"Experiment!" Akane stared at Ranma's inert form, lips quivering. "He's Deeeaaaaaddddd!" she exclaimed, fountains of tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Drowning us both is not going to help us," commented Hikaru.

Akane snatched him up again, shaking Gosunkugi like a rag doll. "Bring him back! You bring him back now!" she wailed.

"I can't, I can't, Akane!"

She dropped him, going to her knees sobbing into Ranma's chest.

"Ranma! Ranma, wake up! You can't leave me like thiiisss! Who am I going to have to argue with, huh?"

"You can argue with me," said Hikaru.

"I don't want to argue with you! I want to argue with Ranma!"

"But he's dead."

"I knoooowww!"

Hikaru watched Akane sob into Ranma for a moment. Suddenly she shot to her feet, peering angrily down at him.

"You're going to jail!" she said, pointing a menacing finger at him.

"No!" exclaimed Hikaru. He rose up on his knees, pleading to Akane with hands clasped tightly together. "Akane, it was an accident, I swear!"

"Then why did you make it in the first place?"

"Well, I was going to give it to him."

"SEE! You tried to kill him!"

"No! I was going to pour it out, but I got side tracked!" Hikaru began to cry joining in with Akane. "It was an accident I swear. Please don't turn me in!"

Akane stared down at the crying Gosunkugi. She sobbed, looking over at Ranma again. "Ranma," she moaned, and then looked back down at Hikaru. "He's deeeeaaaaaddddd!"

"I'm sorry, I'm truly sorry!"

Akane's sobs diminished, turning into light whimpers. She placed a hand to her face, thinking a second. "W-we have to g-get his body off s-school grounds first."

"So you'll help me?" said Hikaru, jumping to his feet.

"And I don't know why I am either!" snapped Akane. She paused glancing back over at Ranma, letting out a short bawl.

"He's heavy, you know," said Gosunkugi.

Akane went to the door. "I'm going to get us some help," she said.

"You're going to bring more people into this?"

"You don't expect me to carry him alone by myself do you?"

"Well I'll help."

"Yeah, that will be something to see walking down the hallways. Stay put, I'll be back."

"But Akane—."

"You want my help?"

Hikaru went silent.

Akane glanced over at Ranma one last time letting out a blubber as she went to go and find them some help...

---

Ukyo Kuonji smirked at the cookbook lying on the table next to her, wondering why it was mandatory for her to be there in the first place. Sheesh! You'd think these teachers would pass her already, knowing full well that she ran a very successful restaurant downtown.

"It will hone your skills," Ukyo muttered derisively as she poured another cup full of water into her wok. The teacher was commenting about something of no interest to her as she started to filet a piece of fresh carp.

PSSITT!

Ukyo stopped and looked up. She cut her eyes over at the student working the grill beside her and frowned. "Really," she said with a smirk.

PPPSSSSSSITTT!

Well it's not coming from her, she thought. Slowly, Ukyo looked around finding Akane standing in the doorway.

"Ukyo," she whispered, beckoning her over.

"I'm in class, Akane. Wait until it's over," Ukyo whispered back.

Akane stomped an angry foot on the floor, lips pressed tightly together. "Ukyo," she whispered again with much more urgency.

"Akane, go away! I'm not—."

"Miss Kuonji," called the teacher.

Ukyo looked sharply around. "Yes, sensei?"

"Is my lecture boring you?"

"Uh, no maam." She shot Akane an angry glare. "One of my 'friends' is at the door needing something from me."

"Really. Well you're not tossing spatulas around so it cannot be Kurenai. Interrupting a class... must be a Tendo."

Akane came around the corner mouth agape. Quickly, Ukyo placed the palm of a hand on her forehead forcing the girl back out.

"Uh, may I be excused?" she asked.

"Yes, I'm sure this will not go away anytime soon."

"Thank you, sensei."

"No problem. You can make it up this weekend."

A sharp snatch removed the apron from around Ukyo's waist, pulling Akane back out into the hall.

"You've just ruined one of my money days, Akane Tendo!" she said. "This had better be worth my trouble!"

"Did you hear her?" Akane said still fuming from the sarcastic remark. "What does being a Tendo have to do with anything?"

Ukyo placed a hand over her mouth regaining her attention.

"Okay, I'm here. What do you want?"

The hand came down.

"Oh... bbbbBBBWWWWAAAAAHHHHH—MURPH!"

The hand came back up cutting off the cry.

Glancing from side to side, Ukyo paused a minute. "Hm, that's the Tendo warning alarm meaning something bad has happened. Let me guess. It involves Ranma."

Akane nodded.

Another short pause; Ukyo reviewed several past scenarios in her mind.

"Cologne has given him some kind of strange nerve pinch and he's now her obedient slave?"

Akane shook her head.

"Okay. Principle Kuno has cornered him and is about to shave him bald?"

Akane giggled.

"Stop it, that wasn't supposed to be funny!"

She did, shaking her head again.

"Hmm. He's gone and run off to marry Shampoo?"

Akane's brows furrowed together.

"Knew that would get a rise out of you."

The slight shake of her head told Ukyo that too was not the case.

"Okay, I give up. What's happened?"

She stepped back allowing Akane to speak again.

Akane took in a few breaths, whimpering slightly as she fought to speak. "He.... Heeessss ddddeaaaadddd!" she wailed, sobbing uncontrollably into her hands.

There came no immediate reaction from Ukyo, now still as the wall behind Akane. She tugged on one ear, cupping a hand behind it and leaned towards her.

"Say that again?"

"Ran-Ran-Ran-Rannnmmaaaa—sss-sss—deeeeaaaaadddd!"

"A-huh," replied Ukyo. She thought, and then smirked. "How?"

"Poisooonnnn!"

"A-huh. Who?"

"Gosunkugiiiii."

"A-huh. And where is Ranma now?"

"Intheclassroomdownstaiiiirrsssss!"

"Right."

Ukyo blinked her eyes still not fully comprehending what Akane had just told her. Finally, she took hold of Akane by the shoulders.

"Show me," was all she said.

Akane, still huffing and blubbering, nodded leading Ukyo down the hallway...

---

Minutes later the two women were standing in front of Ranma's inert body. While Akane wept, Ukyo just stared at him, several times rubbing her eyes in disbelief. She abruptly looked up at Gosunkugi making him flinch, walking around to him. Silently, Ukyo looked Hikaru over, reaching out to give his bicep a firm squeeze.

Ow, Ooo, ow, ow, that hurts!" he cried, shirking back.

Ukyo whirled around. "No way, Akane!" she shouted. "There is no way this Gosunkugi could have killed Ranma. You did it!"

"What!" exclaimed Akane. "(Pfpth!)... Wha... what... why would I do anything like that to him?"

"You two were probably having another one of your little spats, and he said or did something you'd didn't like!"

"But he was poisoned!"

"See! You fed him one of your meals and killed him!"

"I did not!"

"No, Ranma drank my experiment, Ukyo," Hikaru cut in.

Ukyo shot him a look and dropped to her knees next to Ranma. She stared up into his face, gasping lightly.

"Ranma, Ranma what are you doing? You can't die on us. W-What are you doing?"

"Right now, not about much other than decomposing," answered Gosunkugi.

He and Akane blurred together as one, Akane shaking Hikaru furiously by his collar.

"You bring him back, you bring him back!" she chanted as she throttled him.

Ukyo forced them apart arms spread wide interposing herself between the two. She gave Akane a vicious snarl making her cringe, and then glared at Hikaru and he doubled over covering his head with his arms.

"Okay! We're all a little bit unnerved here!" she said. "Lets take a few deep breaths and regain our composure."

"I don't wanna breath!" snapped Akane.

"Breath!" snarled Ukyo.

Akane took in a few breaths. "Hikaru," called Ukyo, hearing him gasp a few times.

Things grew quiet again.

"Now lets all smile," continued Ukyo. "Akane."

Akane forced a grin.

"Good. Hikaru."

Gosunkugi uncurled, a tight smirk on his face.

"Excellent. Ranma—."

Ranma's placid grin brought a cry from Ukyo.

"Oh, I just can't believe I just asked a dead man to smile!" she shouted dropping to her knees again.

"He is dead, isn't heeee," bawled Akane.

The two women sobbed in unison, hugging Ranma as they did. Ukyo drew back looking at Akane.

"So, so, so what did you want me for, Akaneeee?"

"(sniff, sniff) I-I-I wanted you to help, help, help me sneak Ranma off campussss!"

Ukyo shot to her feet. "What?" she cried.

"Yes, we have to get him off the campus before anyone finds out I killed him," said Hikaru.

It was Ukyo's turn to throttle Hikaru, Akane frantically prying her off him.

"Ukyo, we've got to get Ranma off campus!" she said.

"Why? Gosunkugi killed him, or so you say, and now you want to hide the evidence?"

"It was an accident I swear!" cried Hikaru.

Akane spun Ukyo around. "Look, Ukyo. As much as I hate to admit it, I believe Hikaru's story."

"So then lets just go and tell the teachers what happened and that will be that!"

"Do you think they're going to believe him knowing full well how many times he's tried to get Ranma before?"

They stared at each other, Ukyo thinking hard as she turned facing Gosunkugi again. He grinned a helpless pleading grin and she shook her head.

"Yeah, I guess we really can't send an innocent madman like you to prison."

"I would prefer up and coming genius, Ukyo."

Her sharp penetrating glare staggered him.

"As I wasn't saying, we are still going to have a hard time carrying Ranma off the campus."

"It should not be too hard carrying him off," said Akane.

Ukyo let out a laugh. "You see these two pogs," she said kneeling down at Ranma's feet. A short lift by the ankles, both of them hitting the floor with a heavy thump. "Nothing but warm lumps of inert flesh now. You and I will have a hard time carrying him between us."

"What about me?" asked Hikaru.

"You don't count. Akane, Ranma is dead weight plain and simple. Plus you're also forgetting the fact that we've got to carry him all the way back to your home."

"So what are we going to do?"

"We could chop him up into smaller pieces and carry him out in bags," suggested Hikaru.

The girls paused speechless, giving him dark stares.

Gosunkugi shrugged. "Well, they do it in the movies."

"You've been watching 'Johnny Brasco' haven't you?" asked Ukyo.

"Excellent movie. I watched it ten—."

"Forgetaboutit! We're going to need more help, Akane."

"Ukyo, we don't need more people to know about this!"

"So you know somebody that can cover this all up for us, hm?"

"No," Akane timidly replied.

Hikaru's mouth opened, a move Ukyo did not miss. She held up a threatening finger cutting him off.

"We're doing this for you, Hikaru. So unless you have good connections, not a word!" she said.

The mention of connections triggered alarms in Ukyo's brain. Smiling, she stood up as the one person in the entire school with the means and capabilities they needed came to her mind.

"Stay here," she told them, heading for the door.

"Who are going to get?" asked Akane.

"A close friend."

Akane scratched the back of her head silently repeating the words.

"Hurry back, Ukyo," called Gosunkugi. "Rigor mortis should start setting in soon. Going to make moving Ranma's body around very difficult."

Akane started charging towards him, but Ukyo's call stopped her scant inches from latching on to Hikaru's collar.

"We don't need two bodies," she told Akane.

Glancing back at Ranma, Ukyo let out a sorrowful moan as she walked out...

---

A swift dash up to the forth floor, Ukyo skidded to a stop in front of the Advanced Economics Business class currently in session. She inched the door open and peered through the crack. All the students were quietly reading from their books, the teacher pacing the aisles. In one of the middle rows sat Nabiki Tendo, casually flipping a page bored to death. Behind her to the right sat Tatewaki Kuno, and she could not think of anything so perfect as this.

The first problem lay in gaining Nabiki's attention. After that things would run by themselves. Ukyo pondered a second and then reached into her shirt, drawing out her wallet. She pulled a 5000 Yen bill out and held it up, blowing air lightly while fanning it up and down.

Instantly, Nabiki's head snapped up, her nose picking up the unique scent of monetary denominations. A few light sniffs, her head panning around towards the door. Ukyo cracked it further and waved franticly at her to come out.

Me? Questioned Nabiki silently. Ukyo nodded then pointed in Tatewaki's direction. She looked back and then gave her an okay.

"Uh, Sensei," said Nabiki.

"Yes, Ms. Tendo?"

"Uh, can Tatewaki and I be excused for the rest of this class? It's getting close to noon and we've got to go and check the NYSE tickers before the new rounds of trading begin."

"Why sure, Ms. Tendo. And please check on my investments if you would."

"Will do. Come on, Tatewaki."

Tatewaki stared at her lost, but got up following Nabiki out the classroom. Once outside, Ukyo grabbed them both by the wrist, pulling them away down the hall. Halfway, she stopped and turned.

"Listen, we've got a problem," she told them.

"Oh?" answered Tatewaki. "Have our stocks fared badly?"

Nabiki swatted him on the side of his shoulder. "I made that up, Kuno-baby. Besides, we won't get results until six."

"You know I thought that when we usually—."

"Alright!" growled Ukyo. They went silent. "Sheeesh! This has nothing to do with finances. Its more serious then that."

"Nothing can be more serious than monetary gain and wealth, Ukyo," replied Nabiki.

"It is when there's a life, or lack of, at stake."

That stunned the two, trading puzzled looks.

"So who died?" asked Nabiki half-jokingly.

"Ooo, you are good, Nabiki Tendo. Uh... I think it best that I show you first. This way..."

---

Hey, this is kind of neat...

The trio rounded the stairs coming out on the second floor. Ukyo led the way, ominously silent while Nabiki and Tatewaki questioned her trying to pry out the big secret.

"It's a surprise party, isn't it?" said Tatewaki. "Probably too honor my greatness and achievements as Leading Upperclassman."

"I don't think you'll be finding any honor in this," said Ukyo.

"Come on, Ukyo. The suspense is killing me!" exclaimed Nabiki.

Ukyo nervously laughed at her remark.

Suddenly from the far end a strong gust of wind hit them. They covered their faces as a flurry of black petals filled the hall, and as quickly as it began the air went calm. Kodachi Kuno stood before them clad in black and purple gym tights, a small bundle in one hand.

"Kodachi!" cried Tatewaki. "What are you doing here annoying us?"

Kodachi arched a brow. She removed the headset from her ears, shutting off the Walkman belted around her waist. "Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo. I came searching for my loved one, Ranma, but I am told that he was not in class at the moment."

"So why bother us?" asked Nabiki.

"After further inquiries—."

"You assaulted our teachers?" said Tatewaki.

"Questioned, dear brother, questioned."

Ukyo placed her hands to the sides of her head. "No, no. This is not happening," she muttered.

"As I was saying, brother, I was informed that Ranma was last seen with your minion, Hikaru Gosunkugi."

"Somebody saw him!" cried Ukyo.

"Ehmm. From the description, it appeared that Ranma might have been sick, and that Hikaru was carrying him off somewhere."

"Ranma is sick?" Nabiki turned to Ukyo. "Is this why you dragged us out of class, Ukyo?"

"Uh... well."

"I was also informed that Gosunkugi returned and literally carried that trollop sister of yours Akane away too."

"So Saotome is sick, and me without my weapons," said Tatewaki, clenching a fist before him. "And alone with my fair Akane as well!"

"Don't worry, Kuno. I don't think Ranma's in any condition to be taking advantage of her," said Ukyo."

Nabiki crossed her arms, giving Kuonji a hard stare. "Ukyo, what's going on?"

"Uh, like I said, I gotta show you."

"Yes, take me to my dearest Ranma, so I may feed him one of my delicious lunch specials," added Kodachi.

"Lunch?" questioned Tatewaki. "Knowing you, my demented sister, it would be more of a last meal."

Ukyo giggled lightly. "No, ah, she's a bit behind in that department there, Tatewaki."

"Ukyo," Nabiki said again.

"Okay. Follow me. You too, Kodachi. Might as well get the entire class involved the way things are going."

Ukyo led them back to the vacant classroom. She opened the door and abruptly stopped staring in shock. On the floor, Akane knelt pinning Hikaru down an arm wrapped tight around his neck. He struggled, straining with both arms out holding two pairs of scissors in his hands snapping the blades at Ranma's legs.

"You are not going to cut-him-up, Hikaru!" growled Akane as she fought to keep him back.

"But, but, but, Akane... it will... solve... all of our... problems!" replied Gosunkugi, increasing his struggles.

"Drop those scissors!" shouted Ukyo, breaking from her stupor.

The utensils clattered to the floor, Akane jerking Hikaru to his feet.

"You see what those damn American movies will do to a persons mind," she said to them.

Realizing that Nabiki was there, Akane started slightly with surprise.

"Ukyo, why did you bring Nabiki into this?" she asked.

"She, and Tatewaki, both have the means and connections to help us get Ranma out of here and out of sight permanently."

Nabiki shot Ukyo a look and walked over to Ranma's inert form. She gazed down at him, leaning close into his face for a moment.

"He doesn't look sick to me," she finally said. "What do you think, Tatewaki?"

Tatewaki blinked. "I'm sorry, I was still trying to get over the fact that Gosunkugi here got away with attacking Saotome and survived."

"Oh that's nothing now that he's dead," Gosunkugi told them nonchalantly.

"He's what?" muttered Tatewaki after a moment.

"He's dead."

"Hm, that's what I thought you said."

Nabiki gazed back down at Ranma again. She lifted one arm, watching it drop stiffly down to his side.

"Oh, and that's the first signs of rigor mortis setting in," Hikaru added.

Nabiki, as all of the blood drained from her face, matched the pallid color of Ranma's skin. "GGGYYYAAAHHHH", she let out, cringing away from him. Nabiki took several haggard steps over to Ukyo, gripping her tightly by the shoulders.

"R-R-R-Ranma is dead!" she declared.

"Oh? I thought he was just asleep," mocked Ukyo, rolling her eyes.

Tatewaki came over giving Ranma a closer look. He scratched his head, observing in deep thought then asked, "Who did it, and how?"

"Guess I'll have to take credit for this," Hikaru answered nervously.

"I see," Tatewaki replied. "Poison?"

"It was an accident, really it was!"

"Yes."

Tatewaki cut his eyes back down at Ranma, and them walked over to Hikaru. "A fine takedown!" he exclaimed, reaching into a pocket. Hikaru curled up expecting a weapon but that was not the case.

BAMPH!

Several jaws sagged open in shock as Tatewaki held a thick roll of money out to Gosunkugi.

"What is that for?" said Akane.

"Why it's the reward money for the bounty I placed on Saotome's head," answered Tatewaki. "Sixty-thousand Yen to be precise."

Hikaru stared at the roll a second before taking it. His newfound wealth was short lived.

"Give me that!" shouted Nabiki, snatching the money out of Hikaru's hand. Tucking it down the front of her shirt, Nabiki glared angrily at Tatewaki.

"Wasting money like that," she muttered.

"It is a sound investment," said Tatewaki.

"Yeah, that's my money. Give it back," whined Gosunkugi.

"I thought this was an accident," commented Akane, bristling with anger.

"It was!"

Ukyo let out a cry. "Hold on a minute!" she shouted quieting them all. Taking in a deep breath, Ukyo rubbed the sides of her temples wondering how things had gotten this far.

"Let's focus here," she continued. "Ranma is... dead... and we need to get him off school grounds."

Nabiki curled her lip up loathing the thought of having to carry a dead body around. "Why?" she asked.

Kuonji started to answer, but paused. "You know I asked Akane the same thing, and I still don't really know."

"If they see Ranma's body and start asking questions, Hikaru is going to be sent to prison," explained Akane.

Nabiki waited for more, but her sister was apparently done. "And?" she said.

"You don't want him going to jail over an accident, do you?"

They all turned and looked at Hikaru.

"Pitiful sight, eh?" said Ukyo.

"Gee, Hikaru. I hope you plan on buying plenty of soap-on-a-rope," Nabiki said.

"It was an accident, I swear!" exclaimed Gosunkugi, dropping to his knees.

"I just don't see how moving Ranma's body is going to help?" Nabiki said to Akane.

"Don't you see? If somebody finds him this way, they'll call the police!"

"Again, 'And'?"

"I didn't mean to kill him!"

"So you left a glass of poison out for Ranma to drink... why the hell are we doing this!" shouted Ukyo.

"Because I believe him," answered Akane. "As much as it pains me that Ranma is dead... I believe him."

"Well there's your weak side showing, sis," said Nabiki. "Me, Chujo-go Penitentiary, 'mediatly."

"Nabiki!"

Nabiki shook her head, eyeing Hikaru again. "Hmm. There is one thing we can do though."

"What's that?" asked Ukyo.

"Pick a new name for him. I don't think 'Hikaru' is going to fit his role in the pen."

"No!" moaned Gosunkugi lying prostrate on the floor.

Too their surprise, Tatewaki went over and help the sobbing man up. "There, there, my good man," he told Hikaru while brushing the dust from his clothes. "There is nothing to worry about. The Kuno Clan will be more than happy to relieve you of this burden."

"You will?" questioned Hikaru timidly.

"Why yes! I'll just take Saotome down to my personal taxidermist and have him stuffed and mounted. He'll make a fine addition to the—."

The heel of Akane's foot slammed down on Tatewaki's sending him hopping painfully around in pain.

"You are not mounting or, or stuffing Ranma, Tatewaki Kuno!" she shouted. "He is not a trophy for you to show off."

"No, he's just dead," whined Ukyo.

Akane spun around joining her in her tears.

"Stop it!" shouted Nabiki. "Ukyo, don't be getting her started. The desk will be floating around this room before you know it!"

"But Ranma's dead, and we're helping his killer!" replied Ukyo.

"BWAHHHHH!" sobbed Akane.

As they continued to flood the room, Kodachi finally moved from her silent vigil walking over to Ranma. The rest of them watched as she began moving his head around, tipping it from side to side, back and forth, lifting an arm watching it sag slowly back down to his side.

She laughed deviously, turning around. "Can I have him?" asked Kodachi.

Akane let out a huff, gesturing incredulously back and forth between her and her brother. The others stood bewildered by the question.

"And, uh, I know I'm going to regret asking this question, but what are you going to do with him, hmm?" asked Nabiki.

"Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo. Now that my beloved Ranma can no longer run from me, I'll take him back to my home and keep him in my room so I can look upon his handsome features every day!"

Ukyo, Akane, and Nabiki shuddered in disgust imagining how Ranma would look and smell after a few months.

"NO, he's mine, sister!" exclaimed Tatewaki. "I bought and paid for him already!"

"No you didn't," said Hikaru. "Nabiki took my bounty, remember?"

BAMPH!

"Here! Now you're paid off!" Tatewaki replied, thrusting another roll of money into Gosunkugi's hands.

A sharp snatch, Nabiki furiously taking it away with blinding speed. "Will you stop giving him my money!" she said, pushing Hikaru closer towards Tatewaki.

"I want Saotome!" cried Tatewaki.

"He's mine!" countered Kodachi, wrapping her arms around Ranma's head.

"He's nobodies!" shouted Ukyo. "Ranma's dead and you two are fighting over nothing."

The Kuno siblings traded looks then Tatewaki stroked his chin thoughtfully.

"Hm, you are right, Kuonji. I can compromise with my dear sister."

"Really?" said Kodachi.

"Yes... I'll just take his head. She can have the rest."

Akane literally jumped between Tatewaki and Ranma spreading her arms wide. "You're not taking anything off of Ranma either, Tatewaki!"

"She's right, brother!" added Kodachi. "That's the second most valuable part of him."

The rest of Akane's words stuck in her throat, body starting sharply before coming around to face Kodachi.

"You are sick, Kodachi Kuno," she told her calmly. "Very, very, very sick."

Kodachi only chuckled, hugging Ranma's head tighter to her bosom.

"Uh, lets work on getting Ranma out of here before I throw up," commented Ukyo.

"You're determined to do this, aren't you guys?" said Nabiki. She glanced over at Hikaru and shrugged. "You must be having a lucky day, Gos."

"Not in the finance department," he muttered under his breath.

"So where to now?" asked Akane.

"Let's start by standing Ranma up," answered Nabiki.

Ukyo and Kodachi grabbed Ranma by each arm and pulled him up. He legs briefly remained in the sitting position before finally dropping.

"I think this is why they call them 'Stiffs'," said Kodachi.

Nabiki smirked. "Tatewaki," she called motioning for him to come over. He did and she turned him around facing the door. "Girls," she said waving Ukyo and Kodachi over.

They came up behind Tatewaki and Nabiki took Ranma's left arm, forming his hand into a hook-like position and draped it over Tatewaki's left shoulder. She did the same to the right, stepping back to examine her work.

Tatewaki's eyes cut from side to side at the lukewarm arms around him. "I suppose there is a reason why I've become the pack mule for all of this?"

"Because you're the tallest, the strongest, and you wanted him," answered Nabiki.

"Not on my back!"

She ignored him. "Okay, the rest of us will walk closely around Tatewaki down the hall and out the building."

"Now?" said Akane. "The next bell should be ringing here shortly."

The bell signaling the end of the current class went off.

"Right on time," commented Ukyo.

"That's not a problem," continued Nabiki. "We'll wait until the next class starts. There should be nobody around to stop or see us."

"Why wait?" said Ukyo.

"Because we'll be seen?" countered Nabiki.

Ukyo shrugged. "Won't be anything they've not come to expect. They'll think it normal and ignore us."

"Hmm. You might be right, Ukyo," said Nabiki. She grabbed the doorknob. "Shall we?" she said to them.

Tatewaki hefted his shoulders adjusting Ranma into a more comfortable position before heading out the door.

"Now if there was only some way we could get that smile off his face," Akane said as she followed him along.

"Why? I think it's cute," said Kodachi.

"And like it is known, dear sister," replied Tatewaki, "you have a very deep and disturbing problem."

---

Great flick. Wonder if there's any popcorn around...

True to Ukyo's word, not a soul bothered to question the odd conglomerate walking down the halls. So used to the oddities that befell Ranma and company, the students simply shrugged it off as another unfortunate episode in the daily lives of the Saotome/Tendo story. There were a few brief questioning glances at Ranma and the way he hung draped around Tatewaki's back, but it appeared he was enjoying himself and that the leading upperclassman of Furinkan held no objections to the arrangement.

Most of the students vacated the halls by the time the group reached the next level. They were but moments away from the main entrance when suddenly a blurred figure appeared next to Ukyo.

POP!

"HI, Ukyo!" exclaimed the cross-dressing Tsubasa Kurenai.

Ukyo literally went through the lockers in surprise. "Tsubasa!" she shouted, quickly returning to her position. "What do you want, and leave me alone!"

Kurenai's bottom lip quivered. "But, Ukyo. I thought we could meet for lunch after class and—."

"No! Can't you see I'm busy?"

"Can we move on!" shouted Tatewaki.

Tsubasa leaned to the side looking around Ukyo at Ranma. His brows furrowed and just like before he was blur of motion.

POP!

Akane and Kodachi jumped back as Tsubasa stood looking over Ranma. He scratched his head then shook his long locks back, turning to face Ukyo again.

"He's dead," said Tsubasa, voice shifting down into his male tone.

Nabiki pounced, placing a hand across his mouth as she put him in a tight headlock. After a brief struggle, Tsubasa finally settled down.

"Hush. Hush?" said Nabiki, and he slowly nodded. She let him go and stepped back.

Tsubasa glanced around at the faces around him with eyes full of surprise.

POP!

"AAAUGGGHH!"

"Ukyo, what's going on here?"

Ukyo lowered herself from the overhead light, snatching Tsubasa up by the front of his dress.

"Will you stop that popping around stuff!" she snarled at him.

"But Ranma is dead, and, and I don't think I quite like what I'm thinking!"

"We know he's dead, Kurenai," said Nabiki. "That's why we're taking him off campus."

Tsubasa's brows arched up. He relaxed and Ukyo released him.

"So, uh, which one of you did it?" he asked nervously.

Gosunkugi raised a hand. "Uh, that would be me."

Tsubasa blinked and suddenly broke out laughing. "(Ha, ha, ha) You?"

"Well I did."

Clearing the tears from his eyes, Tsubasa leaned up against the wall to steady himself. He looked up; chuckling briefly and then shook his head.

"Oh, oh, Gos, man! This is all too much, but nice try. Okay, Akane. Why did you kill him?"

"I did not kill him! Hikaru did!"

The laughs died away, Tsubasa slowly realizing that she was serious. He frowned, glancing at Ranma's frozen smile.

"Boy, Hikaru. Whatever you did it must have been good to him."

Akane burst out in tears at his remark.

"Oh now look what you've done," Nabiki angrily said. "She's flowing again."

"We're going to need a boat after this," commented Kodachi; Akane punching her in the arm as her cries increased.

"So I assume the police have been called?" asked Tsubasa.

Dead silence followed, Tsubasa waiting expectantly for someone to answer. When there came none, he raised a thoughtful finger up into the air.

"Oh, this must be my queue to flee," said Kurenai, preparing to exit the growing disaster.

"No you don't. Ukyo!" said Nabiki, and Kuonji pounced putting Tsubasa back in a firm headlock.

"Let me go, Ukyo! I may love you, but I'm not going to jail with you!" shouted Tsubasa, struggling to break free.

"Oh no you don't, Tsubasa," she said, increasing the pressure. "You're now a witness, and that we can't be having."

"Great," said Nabiki, throwing her hands hopelessly up into the air. "Now add kidnapping to your charges, Hikaru."

"Me? You ordered the action, I'm just an innocent bystander."

"Excuse me!" Tatewaki suddenly shouted. "Remember our original problem growing heavy on my back!" he said pointing over one shoulder.

"Oh yeah. We should be going," replied Nabiki.

"He's probably getting heavy because all of the fluids in his body are going to his feet," added Hikaru.

Ukyo wrestled with Tsubasa like a cowboy wrestling down a wild steer trying to keep him from escaping. "Ta'hell with... nnngghhhaa... that! What do we do with him?"

"We'll just bring Tsubasa along," answered Nabiki.

"Right! Kicking and screaming all the way down the street! What a sight that will be!"

"And I will too!" exclaimed Tsubasa, increasing his struggles.

"We could just kill Tsubasa and make it easier for us to handle him," suggested Gosunkugi.

He realized his mistake, holding out the front of his shirt, Akane snatching him from the floor.

"You did kill him! You did kill Ranma on purpose!" she shouted, shaking him around.

"Will you guys stop!" exclaimed Nabiki. "Sheesh! What more could happen to us now?"

"Tahi-nee Bah-buls... by de shoore... Tahi-nee Bah-buls... fo'evah mo."

Nabiki flinched sharply, placing her hands to her ears against the sound warbling from around the corner ahead.

"Ow, what is that horrible screech?" she asked turning around.

Everyone stopped as the singing continued.

"Tahi-nee Bah-buls... frahm da sea... Tahi-nee Bah-buls... bring you back to me..."

"Ooo, that's worse than your poetry, Tatewaki," said Akane, smirking.

But he was not listening, staring fearfully at the far end of the hall. Kodachi too stood aghast, and then Tatewaki turned.

"Father!" they both said together.

Principle Kuno, the one thing they did not need right now, Nabiki cursing their luck. His voice was getting louder and it looked like their goose was about to be cooked.

"What now?" asked Hikaru.

"Surrender and take your execution like a man!" replied Tsubasa.

Ukyo gave him a sharp nuggie on the head. "Nabiki?" she called desperately.

Nabiki could hear Principle Kuno opening and closing doors. She looked over to their left and spotted one of the study rooms. Quickly, she opened it up. The room was empty and Nabiki waved the rest of the group over.

"No, no, nooo!" shouted Tsubasa fighting Ukyo's pull. "I'm not going in there, I'm not going in there!"

A kick to the rear from Kodachi sent him along. Nabiki stopped Akane and Tatewaki at the threshold of the door. "You stay here, Kuno-baby," she said, pulling Ranma from his back.

"Me! Why?"

"Because he's your father, and he checking rooms."

"So?"

She rolled her eyes. "Don't you get it? He'll check this one, and then all hell will really break loose. At least with you at the door he might pass us by."

"But!"

"Thanks, Kuno-baby. Grab an arm, Akane."

They dragged Ranma inside, Nabiki blowing Tatewaki a kiss before closing the door in his face.

Tatewaki stared at it for a second, and then started knocking.

"I, Tatewaki Kuno, demand you open this door! Do you hear me? Open this door, Nabiki Tendo! A Fellow Upperclassman has spoken! Open this—."

"Tahi-nee Bah-buls..."

Tatewaki flinched, spinning around. Principle Kuno appeared clad in his usual Hawaiian shirt and shorts, singing brightly as he walked down the hall. It was to late to run, Tatewaki shifting into a relaxed position leaning against one arm.

"Tahi-nee Bah-buls... on Da Sea," sang Principle Kuno as he walked past. He made but a few more steps then did a one eighty, stopping close up in front of Tatewaki.

"'Eloo, Tah-chi... why you gahding dat door?" he sang.

Tatewaki shuddered from the point blank blast for a second. His pains subsided, and he placed a cheery smile on his face."

"Hello, Father. Uh, great weather we're having?"

"Yeesss, not bad for florescent lighting. So, ah, who behind door numbah one?"

Tatewaki looked innocently skywards. "No one, Father. Just a study room, that's all."

Principle Kuno chuckled. "You know, Tachi, I not believe you?" he told him.

"Wha—, Father I am shocked you would not believe the word of your only son!"

"I would, but I not scheduled dis room for use until tree, so if you are using it, you not supposed to be."

"Hmm. Remarkable," said Tatewaki.

"What?"

"The Kuno Mind. Such an observant machine we possess. Never missing a thing no matter how small or fleeting." A sharp kick from the other side of the door staggered Tatewaki. "But, uh, there's nothing behind this door to trouble yourself with, I assure you, Father!" he quickly added.

"Step ahside, Tachi," said Principle Kuno.

"Must I?"

"You want one good short buzzcut, Hm?"

"Allow me to open the door for you," answered Tatewaki. He opened the door and Principle Kuno stepped inside.

There were four tables in the study room and seated around one were the fugitives staring calmly at him. Ranma sat immobile with Kodachi's headphones on, Akane next to him grinning from ear to ear. Kodachi and Gosunkugi sat with a book lying on the table between them, Tsubasa smiling with one arm behind his back, Ukyo close at his side with eyes wide. Nabiki stood next to the door shooting daggers of death at Tatewaki as Principle Kuno walked further into the room.

"Oh, if I not see guilty faces here, I not know what I see," he said. "Why you not all in your regulah classes, eh?"

"We're... cramming, Principle Kuno!" Akane answered.

"Crahming?"

"Yes, you know," said Nabiki, "last minute studying before our exams."

"Oooh. And what you crahming for?"

"Necromancy," answered Hikaru.

Kodachi's painful kick to the shins doubled him over, her arm pulling his head into her chest before he could cry out.

"Hoo, hoo, hoo, such a kidder he is," she said, smacking him in the face.

"Ah-ha... Kochi, what you doing here? You not student in my school."

"Helping my friends, father. Especially my beloved Ranma!"

Tatewaki and Nabiki both placed worried hands to their foreheads, heads shaking slightly.

Principle Kuno's eyes drifted over to Ranma then over at Tsubasa.

"Hey, girlie-boy, why you sitting in dat chair like some Gumby Doll, eh?"

"I'm being held—." A slight twitch on his arm by Ukyo brought Tsubasa's voice briefly up a few decibels. "I mean, I've got a slight crick in my back and, and Ukyo here is helping me reach it!"

"I see. Well, even though you not legahly using my study room, I like seeing kids showing effort to learn. Evan you, Saotome."

Ranma remained inert, smiling lifelessly at the far wall. Principle Kuno leaned closer and the other began to worry that the jig was up.

"I thought you say you all studying," Principle Kuno asked them. "Why Saotome listening to music?"

"He's taking a break," Akane quickly said. "All that studying has him pretty well wound tight."

"Stiff as a board really," added Tsubasa, letting out another groan as Ukyo pulled further up on his arm.

"Yeah. He must be really enjoying his music. Look at dat smile on his face."

Akane huffed and stuttered, hanging her head to muffle her sobs.

"Gesundheit," said Tatewaki.

Principle Kuno leaned closer to Ranma, trying to hear some of the music. "Eh, Saotome. Let me hear what you listening too," he said, tapping him on the shoulder.

Ranma's head slumped towards him; Nabiki sharply drawing in a gasp, and Principle Kuno pulled the headphones from Ranma's ears. He barely got them off when he caught the ragged strains of electric guitars and loud screaming, shirking away.

"Oi! Take de's back!" he said. Akane reached up and put the headphones back on Ranma's ears.

"Music? What he listening to anyway?"

"The latest from Skinny Puppy," answered Kodachi. "'Trapped In Heaven'. It's going to be a classic you know."

Principle Kuno smirked. "Skinny Pahpy... noise like dat melt your brain. Kill ah person it will."

Akane cupped her hands to her face, shoulders heaving repeatedly.

"Gesundheit," Tatewaki said to her again.

"Well you kids cahn stay and finish studying, but next time ask me if you need a room, okay."

"Oh sure, sure!" they all replied cheerfully.

"Later," said Principle Kuno as he walked out.

Immediately Akane grabbed the headphones, fussing with the cord as she pulled them off.

"Oh, and Saotome," called the Principle, sending her scrambling to put them back on seconds before he returned.

Principle Kuno stopped in front of Ranma again. "Say, Saotome, a word of advice. Get some sun. You look dead."

Akane cried into her arms, head hung low.

"Bless you," said Principle Kuno. "Get dat checked out, Miss Tendo, okay?"

She nodded and Principle Kuno walked back out. Everyone waited, Tatewaki watching his father walk down the hall. A signal from him had Akane and Ukyo scrambling to remove the headphones from Ranma's ears.

"You weren't supposed to be playing that garbage!" scowled Ukyo at Kodachi.

"Well I thought Ranma would enjoy listening to New Wave," she replied.

Tatewaki shut the door and joined them. "Well I'll tell you this. If Ranma wasn't dead then, he is now after hearing that," he said.

"Did you see how Ranma's head turned around," said Nabiki. "Hikaru, are you sure he's dead?"

"Quite sure."

Akane reached across the table throttling the boy.

"Akane, Akane let him go!" shouted Ukyo, pulling her back.

She released Hikaru, glaring at him, and then was back across the table to continue her assault. As Ukyo and Kodachi pried her away from Gosunkugi, Nabiki knelt down before Ranma and looked him over. She took hold of one wrist and tried to pull up, but the arm resisted the motion.

"Uh-oh. Ranma's really getting stiff now," she said, standing back up.

"That will make carrying him now almost impossible," said Tatewaki.

"We're going to have to put him into some sort of position where he won't be to difficult to move around.

"Might I suggest curling him up in a ball," Tsubasa said.

"A ball?" replied Ukyo.

"Yeah. Then we can just bounce him down the sidewalk and out into one of the dumpsters. You know, two points."

"Ranma is not a basketball!" shouted Akane.

"He won't feel it," replied Tsubasa. "He's dead."

"BWAAHHHH!"

Ukyo slapped Tsubasa repeatedly across the face. "Idiot! See what you've done?"

"Somebody better get a mop," commented Tatewaki.

"Alright!" exclaimed Nabiki. Letting out a huff, she looked back down at Ranma. "Let's put Ranma in a standing position. Then we can all carry him outside."

"But you said he's getting stiffer," said Akane.

"It will take a little effort, kay? Now come on lets do this before we have anymore trouble."

They gathered around him. Nabiki told Tatewaki to stand behind Ranma and lift him up. He did, but Ranma remained locked in his seated position.

"Hm, looks like redwood to me," said Tsubasa.

Nabiki paused. "Here, let me push one of his... legs here like... maybe down this way."

She placed her hands on his right knee and pushed down.

KRRRIIICCKKK!

Nabiki grimaced, carefully drawing away from Ranma.

"Nope, that sounded like splintering bamboo," Tsubasa said.

"Will you shut up and help us think a way out of this!" Ukyo shouted at him.

Ranma's leg rose eerily back up into its original position sending a shudder though them all.

"Rubber tree. Definitely a rubber tree," finished Tsubasa.

"Oh boy this is going to be harder than I thought," Nabiki said.

"Well I hope not. Saotome is getting heavy here," said Tatewaki.

"Here I'll take one side," said Akane.

Nabiki placed her hands on Ranma's right knee again and despite all the creaks and pops, forced it back down. Ukyo forced the other leg down and an odd struggle began between them and Ranma's legs.

"Greif! Even dead Ranma's got the strength of a bull," uttered Ukyo as she fought to hold the appendage down.

"We can still cut him up," suggested Hikaru.

"You're not cutting anything!" shouted Akane.

"Not until we get him to my taxidermist," said Tatewaki.

"And you're not stuffing him either!"

Ranma's torso suddenly began to bend forwards, Tatewaki letting out a fearful cry as he fought to hold Ranma erect.

"Wow, looks like his back muscles are starting to contract," said Gosunkugi.

"This is not a science project!" Tatewaki said amidst his grunts and strains. "Kodachi, Gosunkugi, find something long and sturdy to place behind his back!"

"I still say ball him up," Tsubasa said again.

"Will you stop with that ball stuff and get over here and help us!" Ukyo shouted back at him.

"I'm not touching that!"

"Don't make me have to come over there, Kurenai! Get over here and grab his feet."

Tsubasa rolled his eyes and went over to help them.

"Here, brother," said Kodachi holding up one of the table legs she broke off. "Will this work?"

"It might. Gosunkugi, yank down the cords to the blinds."

Hikaru jerked on the cords, bringing the entire construction crashing down to the floor. "Heh, heh, sorry," he said with a light shrug, pulling the rope out.

They tussled with the body, pulling and bending Ranma's body around. It was in this position that the school secretary found them in when she walked into the room. Everyone froze; staring at her knowing that this meant more trouble was earmarked their way. The secretary's terror filled eyes took in the scene, the flutter of falling paper marking her spot as she ran out screaming 'murder' at the top of her lungs down the hallway.

"Well now don't that just beat all," mocked Tsubasa.

"We're screwed," said Akane.

"Now what makes you say that, Akane, hm?" Nabiki replied brightly.

They finished tying Ranma's limbs down, the table leg bracing his back rendering him rigid and straight. Now the only thing left was how to get him out. Calmly, Nabiki closed the door and locked it.

"Well that finalizes things," she said to them.

"Finalizes what?" asked Akane.

"We're all committed now. Mrs. Sajika saw us all, and any second now the police will be screaming down the street."

"You must be daft, Nabiki," said Tatewaki. "She's barely been gone two minutes. The police will not—."

The cry of a siren cut the air, Nabiki leering haughtily at him.

"She's a professional secretary. Things happen faster for them than us normal citizens," she said.

"No! I'm not a murderer!" shouted Tsubasa. "Let me out of here!"

"And where are you going to go?" asked Ukyo, stopping him in his tracks.

"Hoo, hoo, hoo, you've been seen with us, Kurenai ol'boy," added Kodachi.

Tsubasa huffed, crossing his arms, dejected. "Damn it, Gos. This is all your fault!"

"I didn't tell Ranma to drink my experiment."

"Let's argue about that later," continued Nabiki. "We need to get out of here."

The din of voices could be heard from out in the hall spurring them on. Ukyo went to the window and opened it up. She stuck her head outside and peered around. The grounds looked empty and the surrounding hedges would give them enough cover to sneak away across the grounds.

"Let's go," she said climbing out.

Tatewaki and Gosunkugi hefted Ranma up onto the ledge and Ukyo pulled him out.

"We're not going to get home without somebody asking questions, Nabiki," said Akane as she hopped up onto the sill.

"This wasn't my idea, little sister," she replied. "I was hoping you would have some kind of a plan?"

"No."

"Should have figured you wouldn't," said Nabiki as she pushed Akane out. "Why do I allow myself to get caught up into these ticking traps of yours...?"

---

It was amazing how many police cars had appeared around Furinkan High School. Several teams of cops roved around the grounds, the school faculty joining in the search for Ranma and his friends. Out of a group of bushes Ukyo pushed her head up checking to see if anyone was in the immediate vicinity.

"Well?" whispered Tatewaki.

She crouched back down. "What did they do? Put a neon sign on the school flashing 'Murder Here'?"

"Looks like a cops convention," commented Tsubasa. "We are cooked! You hear me, coo—."

Nabiki placed a hand across his mouth. "We're not cooked yet," she said to them.

"But Nabiki, how are we going to get across the grounds without being seen?" asked Akane.

"All these cops can't know it was all of us in that room!"

[Woo, woo... tehst, tehst, wan, too, tree,] called Principle Kuno's voice over the schools announcing system. [Dis is da'principle talk'n heh. Will da following kiekies cahm to my office pronto like. Nahbiki Tendo—.]

"And he would name me first," Nabiki said in disbelief.

[Tachi, Kochi, Ahkane Tendo, Girly-Boy Kurenai, and Ooukioh Kuonji."

Ukyo smacked Hikaru upside the head. "He didn't even mention your name!" she scowled at him.

"I'm usually missed in a crowd."

"Try sharing some of that invisibility with us," said Tatewaki.

[Oh, yah. And Saotome, you cahm too.]

Akane began to whimper lightly. "Ooo, they want to see Ranma," she whined.

"Well they won't get much of a conversation from him," commented Kodachi. Tatewaki smirked, cuffing his sister on the back of her head.

[Now lis'n up, kids. I give you one half of ten minutes to cahm to my office. See you soon. Principal Kuno out.]

"That's it. That's it!" said Tsubasa. "Let's go and face facts. If were lucky, it will be only ten short years out of our lives."

He started to rise, but Ukyo grabbed him by the collar and jerked him back down.

"Nobodies surrendering, you here me?" she said.

Tsubasa peered down at the body beneath them. "We're sitting on a stiff, hiding in the bushes, with cops just waiting to make an arrest, and you say no surrender?"

Akane's sobs picked up. "He not a stiff," she cried.

"Akane, this bush doesn't need anymore watering," said Nabiki.

"WellIcan'thelpiiiittt...waaahhh...RanmaallblglibignandbababgubaBBBWWWAAHHH!"

"What did she just say?" asked Tatewaki.

"Oh, she's broken into the family tongue," Nabiki told them. "Hope you guys have your rain gear handy."

"Nabiki!" shouted Ukyo.

"Yes, our dilemma." Nabiki pressed her way up through the protective canopy of the bushes and looked carefully around. The coast was clear and she stepped out, the others following.

"Okay, here's what we're going to do."

"Go inside and give up?" said Tsubasa hopefully. A sharp kick to the rear silenced him.

"We'll heft Ranma's body over the wall. Tatewaki, Gosunkugi, you guys climb over and wait for the rest of us."

"Where are we going?" asked Tsubasa.

Nabiki smiled confidently. "Out the front," she told him.

"There are cops waiting for us there!" exclaimed Ukyo.

"No, they're all inside looking for us. Now we've not much time. Kuno-baby, eh... Tsubasa, grab Ranma and throw him over the wall."

Tatewaki grabbed one side of Ranma; Tsubasa grumbling something about insanity under his breath as he grabbed the other side.

"Nabiki," called Akane. "If they throw Ranma over, won't that like, uh, break something?"

Nabiki cast a supportive look on her sister. "Akane, my sweet little sister, let's face facts here. He's dead and he won't feel a thing."

"BBBBBWWWAAAAHHHH!"

"She's worse than a rain cloud," commented Kodachi.

Tatewaki told Tsubasa to follow his lead. They built up some momentum, and then on the count of three, tossed Ranma's body up over the top of the wall.

BOP!

OW!

Both Ukyo and Akane pressed their fist to their mouths in shock, Kodachi giggling deviously as she turned to a stunned Nabiki.

"Not feel a thing, eh?" she said.

"But, but, but—."

"Hey, get off'a me whoever this is!" shouted a voice from the other side.

"Wait a minute. I know that voice," said Akane.

"So do I," Tatewaki said. "Gosunkugi, come here."

Hikaru came over and he told him and Tsubasa to link their hands together. The two frowned wondering what he had in mind, but did as instructed. Tatewaki placed a foot in their hands.

"Lift, you weaklings!" he ordered amidst their grunts and groans.

Tatewaki grabbed the top and pull himself up. On the sidewalk lay Ranma's body and flailing blindly underneath it was Mousse. Shampoo sat on her delivery bike watching the scene, not really sure if she should intervene or not.

"Ranma, why you play with silly Mousse like that?" she said.

"Ranma?" cried Mousse. "Ooo, when I get up from here, Ranma, I'm going to kill you!"

"Uh, that would be a waste of energy, Mousse," Tatewaki said.

Shampoo looked up. "Kuno, what you doing up there?"

"I was, ah, helping Saotome climb the wall shall we say."

"You say. Why Ranma climb wall? Stupid Akane chasing Shampoo's husband again?"

"Nnnot exactly."

"Tatewaki," grunted Tsubasa, reminding him of their situation.

"Oh, yes. Shampoo, will you do us a small favor and watch Saotome until we get there, hm?"

Shampoo dismounted. She scratched her head, wondering why Tatewaki Kuno was concerned about his bitter rival. "I watch," she said, picking up Mousse's glasses form the pavement.

"Thank you."

"Is strange, but Ranma look different. Like stiff board of wood."

"Heh, heh, heh, heh... yes."

"Kuno-baby," called Nabiki impatiently.

"We'll be around shortly," Tatewaki said, dropping back down behind the wall.

A few short minutes latter, the slowly growing band of fugitives appeared, heated debates raging between them as they drew closer.

"...and he's not being cut up, embalmed, stuffed, or, or anything other than given a proper funeral!" raged Akane.

"And you're going to stop all of us?" said Kodachi.

"He's bought and paid for," snarled Tatewaki.

"Uh, we have to talk about that paid stuff," said Hikaru.

"Keep talking, Gosunkugi, keep talking!" shouted Ukyo.

They arrived to find Shampoo holding Ranma up in her arms, hugging his head tight to her bosom. Mousse stood glaring angrily down at them, fist flexing as his fury grew.

"Shampoo, will you get out of the way so I can smash Ranma into grist!" he shouted.

"Feh!" snapped Shampoo, waving him off. "You not capable of hurting Ranma, so go way and leave me with husband."

"What is this 'husband' stuff, hmm?" asked Kodachi.

Shampoo ignored her. "It all right, Ranma. Shampoo keep you safe and warm." She looked up at them. "He very cold, and heavier than I remember."

"There's a really good reason behind that," said Nabiki.

Shampoo gazed down at Ranma's face, reflecting lovingly upon his handsome features. "He still have nice smile. Shampoo kiss."

"Ah! Shampoo, no!" cried Akane.

Shampoo giggled, lowering her head closer to Ranma's. "Silly Akane jealous."

POP!

Scant inches from Ranma's lips, Shampoo paused cutting her eyes over at Tsubasa crouching curiously next to her.

"What you want?"

"Nothing. Never seen anyone kiss a cadaver before. Thought it might be interesting."

Shampoo blinked then looked back down at Ranma again. She drew back, eyeing him noting the pale complexion of his skin, the odd way his arms and legs had been secured together. Carefully, Shampoo placed a palm to the side of his cheek and let out a yelp feeling the calmness.

"Ah, aH, AH... OOOYYIIIII!" she cried. "RANMA DEAD!"

"Will you lower your voice!" said Nabiki.

Mousse knelt down in a flash, taking a closer look at Ranma. He lifted his glasses, jaw dropping open in disbelief.

"OH YES!" he exclaimed joyously. "YES, YES, YES, YES, YES!"

"Mousse, keep it down!" said Ukyo.

But Mousse's heart was full of joy. He danced in the street, proclaiming the news to the world. Nabiki rubbed her forehead trying to dull the sudden headache she had.

"Oh, this is getting out of hand again. Should have expected it," she muttered.

Mousse suddenly whirled around. "Who did it?" he asked. "Tatewaki?"

"Unfortunately, no."

"No? Akane?"

Akane burst out into tears again.

"No, not her. Well who did it?"

Gosunkugi raised a timid hand. "I guess I should take credit for this," he said.

Mousse stared at him for a moment. "Put'er there, Gos!" he cried, extending a hand.

Shampoo shot to her feet. "Gosunkugi? Impossible!"

"Not impossible," replied Ukyo. "Ranma drank down one of his experiments."

A dark glower covered Shampoo's face, and she started walking towards him cracking her knuckles. "You kill Ranma," she said.

Gosunkugi dropped to his knees. "I swear, I swear it was an accident, Shampoo! I swear!"

"So you taking body away." She stopped, looking around at the others. "Where you taking Ranma anyway?"

"My Home," said Akane.

"My Taxidermist," said Tatewaki.

"My Bedroom," said Kodachi.

Shampoo frowned. "Ranma dead and you—." She paused, smirking at Kodachi for a second. "So Ranma is—." She flinched, looking back at Kodachi once more. Kodachi let out a light chuckle and Shampoo slowly drew away from her.

"Demented. Truly Demented," said Tatewaki.

"We're taking Ranma home to the dojo where I can give him his last (gulp) rights," Akane said.

Shampoo looked sadly down at Ranma's lifeless body. She sniffed, tears misting her eyes and then shook her head.

"No. I take him."

"Oh no not another one!" said Nabiki.

"I'm afraid that is not possible," Tatewaki told her. "You see I've already bought and paid for Ranma's body. He will adorn my trophy room along side my other various conquest."

"You mean that undersized carp you landed last year at the school beach outing?" asked Nabiki.

Tatewaki's eyes cut over at her. "It still was a victory, and a fine one at that."

"No!" Shampoo suddenly shouted. "Ranma go to great grandma and, and she preserve him for Shampoo."

"Mmm, pickled Ranma, what an addition to the Nekohatten menu that will be," joked Tsubasa.

"That's a great idea!" cried Mousse. "Then every once in a while I can go by and smack him around at leisure."

"You not smack nothing!" Shampoo said.

"Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, and you call me demented," said Kodachi.

In a flash Akane was up in Shampoo's face. "Ranma is not going anywhere but back to the dojo, Shampoo!"

"No, he go with me!"

"I have to differ with both of you!" Tatewaki cut in. "Saotome is mine, bought and paid for!"

"Uh, Upper-classman Kuno," called Gosunkugi.

BAMPH!

Tatewaki anticipated Hikaru's words, holding out yet again another roll of money to him. Gosunkugi stared at it then sighed realizing it would be useless to fight fate. He took the roll, passing it smoothly along to a suddenly appearing Nabiki standing next to him.

The heated argument increased in volume, being cut short by a loud yell from Ukyo.

"HEY! If I can interrupt for a second here, we still are in front of the school, remember? We need to be getting this stiff, I mean Ranma, away from here before the cops find us!"

"Oh? That's what all the sirens were for," said Mousse. "We thought there was a fire or something."

[OH-KAY, HOLD'DIT RIGHT DEH!] called a loud voice from behind them. Everyone flinched looking back up at the school building. Principle Kuno and several police officers peered out open windows of the upper floors at them.

"Jiggers, it's the Gestapo!" Nabiki said.

Principle Kuno said something to the police and raised the bullhorn in his hand up again. [YOU NO CAN EH'SCAPE ME, KEIKEIS. I DA'PRINCIPLE. NOW COME BACK INSIDE, WE WANT ONE TALK WIT YOU ALL!]

"Be right there!" called Tsubasa. Ukyo caught him up by the back of the collar, dragging him along down the street.

"Kuno, help me pick him up," said Mousse, reaching down to grab Ranma by his ankles.

"Why you helping them?" asked Shampoo.

"Are you kidding? And pass up an opportunity to see the final end of Ranma? I just wish I had a video camera."

"There are plenty at the Kuno estate." Tatewaki told him.

"We're there!"

"We're not there!" shouted Akane. "We're going back to my home, and that's that!"

"Wherever the hell we're going, let's get moving before the cops get down here," added Ukyo.

[EH! STOP! YOU NOY HEAR ME? WHERE YOU GOING?]

Hikaru spun around. "I think we're going too—." The rest of his words were muffed by Kodachi's hand as she quickly silenced him.

"You are worse than an idiot," she grumbled as they ran to catch up with the others...

---

An exhausting sprint found the fugitives pausing to catch their breaths in a narrow side street. As they rested, the howl of sirens filled the air. Nabiki peered around the corner searching the area then stepped back.

"How did we get in such a mess?" she said to the others.

"By listening to Akane," replied Ukyo.

"Hikaru does not deserve to go to prison because of a small mistake like this," Akane replied.

Tsubasa gaped at her. "He's dead," he said. "And if I'm not mistaken, murder's a crime here in Japan!"

"It will not mater once my darling is safe and sound in my room," commented Kodachi.

"He come with me!" shouted Shampoo.

"Okay, okay, hold on," said Nabiki. She spread her arms wide to separate the two. "We'll worry about that once we get Ranma to our dojo."

Mousse, leering happily down at Ranma's inert body, suddenly looked over. "Akane, after you read him his last rites, what then?"

Akane nibbled nervously on her bottom lip. She gazed sadly down upon Ranma, the threatening hint of tears shimmering in her eyes.

"Well... after the ceremony, we'll have to burn the body."

Mousse was kneeling at her feet, one hand held tight in his. "Please, Akane," he said in his humblest voice, "Please, please allow me to conduct such an honor. Oh, please."

"Burn?" said Tatewaki. "Do I have to reiterate the fact that I now own Ranma!"

"He needs a decent funeral, and since I am his... wife... I should be the one to light his fire."

"What you mean you his wife?" exclaimed Shampoo. "I not know of any ceremony, and I Ranma's wife!"

"Both of you are wrong!" Kodachi cut in. "I am the rightful wife to my beloved Ranma! Therefore I should be the one who gets finial possession of him!"

Ukyo, not believing what she was hearing, broke into the conversation. "Ranma never married any of you bitches! If anyone gets him, its me because I've known him the longest!"

"Who you calling bitch!" shouted Shampoo.

"You, you, and you!"

Tsubasa nudge Hikaru lightly on the arm. "Hey, I'm kind'a glad you guys did bring me along. This looks like a good fight brewing here."

"Its all my fault. Akane is about to be hurt by these women, and I'm unable to stop them. I should have chopped Ranma up first."

The four angry women paused, turning slowly around to glare at them with death in their eyes.

"Shampoo!" called Mousse. "You don't need Ranma anymore. He's dead, and now there's nothing in our way to stop our marriage."

The dark glares panned around on him.

"Well he is dead," Mousse pointed out again.

Four sorrowed cries rose up into the sky; Akane, Ukyo, Kodachi, and Shampoo dropping to their knees around Ranma's body crying incessantly over him. Nabiki pulled fitfully on her hair, trying to maintain some sort of mental stability in this crazy mixed-up scenario.

"Stop," she called out to them. The whines ceased, Nabiki taking in the scene for a second. "We're still behind enemy lines folks, so let's try to think about getting Ranma home first, okay?"

The others traded looks then nodded.

"Good. You four, up!"

The girls stood up. Nabiki came over, pausing briefly as a siren screamed close by, and then gazed down at Ranma. She rubbed her chin in thought.

"Tatewaki, Mousse, you guys carry him and—."

"No." replied Tatewaki.

"No?"

"Yes, no. Ranma is not light, and I have been carrying him all this time. I need a break."

Nabiki pursed her lips tight, thinking more. As she pondered, her eyes roved around coming to a sudden stop on Shampoo's delivery bike.

"That," she said, pointing at it.

"That what?" asked Shampoo.

"Your bike. We'll put Ranma on it and wheel him the rest of the way to the dojo."

"Another brilliant scene drifting down the streets of Nerima," said Tsubasa. "Ranma, stiff as a board, lying on a delivery bike. The calls the police will be getting, I can hear'em now."

"Hm, you might be right, Kurenai," replied Nabiki. "We'll have to sit him on it."

"He's stiff, Nabiki," said Ukyo.

"So? We put him in this position we can put him back. Stand him up."

Mousse pulled Ranma up to his feet.

"Tatewaki, untie his ankles and force his legs apart."

"Why me?"

Nabiki rolled her eyes. "Again, you are the strongest here."

"Oh. Oh yes, so I am."

Tatewaki knelt and began undoing the knots.

"Uh, Upperclassman Kuno, I don't think you should be kneeling in front of Ranma's leg like that," Gosunkugi warned.

"And why not? Ranma's leg should be—."

The line came loose, Ranma's left leg immediately springing up into its former seated position smacking Tatewaki squarely beneath the jaw. It stood him straight up, but the leg was not finished as the lower part decided to extend straight back out. Pained expressions covered everyone's faces; Tatewaki drawing in a high-pitched squeal as he slowly, very slowly, doubled over. They rushed to his side.

"Tatewaki?" Nabiki said, worry in her voice.

Tatewaki's agony filled eyes turned up to her. He let out a tiny gasp. "(eeep)... uh, i'm fine... nabiki," he managed to say in a thin voice. Carefully, Kuno backed off Ranma's extended leg. "i'm just going to go and... watch the street... yes, that's what i'll do."

He waddled away leaving the others staring stunned and amused.

"He sound like Kodachi now," said Shampoo, giggling.

Nabiki shot her a brief look. "Put Ranma on the bike," she told them, following after Tatewaki.

"Okay, let's get this over with," said Mousse. "You guys lift him up."

The rest of the group took Ranma by each arm and lifted. Shampoo pushed her bike up under him, and they set him down on the seat. Mouse grabbed the outstretched leg.

"This is going to take some work," he said, straining to force it into position.

Shampoo moved up behind Ranma's back. "Hmm," she sounded. "Ranma all stiff in legs. We need to give him special blow to back to loosen things up."

Akane, fighting to force the fingers of Ranma's left hand around the handle bar, looked up. "You think he'll respond to such a thing in his current condition?"

"The human body still can transmit electrical impulses even after death, Akane," Hikaru explained to her.

"Hikaru! Please pick your words better," said Ukyo as Akane broke out into sobs.

Meanwhile, Shampoo felt up and down Ranma's backside. "Ooo, this give me Goosebumps," she said with a smile. "Ranma's body still feel firm and muscular even if dead."

"Hoh, hoh, hoh! I can't wait until I get him too my room," declared Kodachi.

"Let's not get started again," said Ukyo.

"Shampoo, if you can bypass your cheap feel, please do what you are going to do," added Mousse.

Shampoo smirked at him. "Silly blind-boy," she huffed, giving Ranma a firm blow to the lower part of his spine. Immediately, his legs snapped together; Mousse letting out a cry as his arm was pinned between them and the frame of the delivery bike.

"OW, OH OW OW! Shampoo, Shampoo, arm, my arm!"

"Oops," she said, tapping Ranma's back higher.

His arm came free and Mousse shot to his feet shaking it around.

"Dead my ass!" he growled, glaring at Ranma. "You did that on purpose! C'mere!"

Before he could yank Ranma from the seat, Akane interposed herself between them.

"Stop it, Mousse! Ranma had nothing to do with that. Blame your girlfriend!"

"I not his girlfriend!"

"No, no, no!" said Ukyo. "No arguing until we're someplace safe."

Ranma was finally positioned and they stood looking over their work. He sat upright, hands gripping the handlebars with his legs slightly spread apart, feet barely up off the ground.

"Boy, doesn't he look like a dork," said Tsubasa.

"Yeah. That silly smile has just got to go," said Mousse.

Akane moved closer staring up in his face. "Ooo!" she let out. "His eyes are starting to roll back," she said.

"That will give us away if anyone gets a good look at him," said Hikaru.

"Not a problem," replied Tsubasa.

He stepped in front of the bike; arms held out, hands held up with the tips of his thumbs together, centering Ranma's face between them. The others watched as Tsubasa tipped his head from side to side, switching eyes back and forth. He reached into the top of his blouse pulling out a pair of dark round sunglasses and slipped them onto Ranma's face.

"Fixed," he said.

"All that for a pair of glasses!" shouted Akane.

"Hey, I could have used the Raybands or the Gargoyles," he answered, producing a pair of each.

Akane stared at him speechless for a moment. "Nabiki, we're ready to go!" she finally said.

Nabiki stood behind Tatewaki waiting for him to sufficiently recover.

"Kuno-baby, are you going to be all right?" she asked.

Tatewaki drew in a breath. "I'm fine now," he replied. "It takes more than a simple ill-received blow to put down 'Blue Thunder'."

"Blue Thunder sounded more like Squeaky White Mouse," Shampoo whispered to Kodachi, both women suppressing their chuckles with difficulty.

Nabiki peered around the corner and found the street devoid of any police. She stepped out, taking a longer look around before signaling all clear to them.

"Tsubasa, you guide the bike," Ukyo said.

"I don't want this cadaver next to me."

"Take the bike! You're the only one who won't do anything stupid like try and ride off with Ranma's body!"

"You have ESP, Ukyo Kuonji," said Kodachi. "Very good perception."

"No, I know you and Shampoo are just chomping at the bit to wisk him away at the first opportunity, so get you sneaky tails back here with the rest of us."

With Kurenai pushing Ranma in the lead, they headed down the street.

"Okay, which way now?" asked Hikaru.

"This way," answered Tatewaki, pointing to a street on their right. "It is a shorter route to the Tendo Dojo."

"No you don't, Tatewaki Kuno," said Akane. "I know perfectly well where we are and where my home is. That way will take us to your stuffer."

"What. Accuse me of being deceitful? Why that's—." He turned clutching a fist before him. "Curses!"

"Down the street, down the hill, across to the next side street and we're there," said Nabiki. "That should keep us off the main routes."

"And away from any other distractions," finished Akane, cutting suspicious eyes at Kodachi and Shampoo.

They continued on, an odd looking group ignoring the looks and stares from the people as they passed. The street began to dip as they reached the last corner and it appeared they would get to the dojo without any difficulties. Unfortunately, fate was not about to allow such an easy path.

Tires screeched behind them, a police car coming to a stop in the middle of the street. From the drivers side stepped a police sergeant, and out the back Principle Kuno, Mrs. Sajika, and another police officer appeared.

[HO'KAY, KEIKEIS! YOU NO TRY EH'SCAPE PRINCIPAL KUNO AGAIN. WE FIND YOU ONCE, WE FIND YOU EV'Y TIME!]

"Are we like so busted or what!" said Kurenai.

"Dogs!" said Nabiki. "Like Dogs on a hunt they found us!"

Tatewaki chuckled lightly. "Our esteemed Police Department is rated as the best around, Nabiki."

"And with a Kuno assisting them, discovery was eventual," added Kodachi.

The Sergeant snatched Principle Kuno's bullhorn from his hands. "Stop screaming at everyone!" he growled at him. "Alright, kids. We only want to talk with you about a report of a murder at your school."

"Well everything you need is right here, officer," replied Gosunkugi.

Ukyo jerked him back behind them.

The Sergeant took a menacing step towards them. "So, there was a murder at your school, eh?"

"They were throttling that nice young man, Ranma Saotome," said Mrs. Sajika.

"Probah'bly stun him wit dat gahbage deh called miuzac," added Principal Kuno.

"I see," continued the Sergeant. He made a slight gesture to his partner. "Looks like you kids will be coming down to the station with us for questioning."

"I'm innocent!" exclaimed Tsubasa, holding up his hands. "They kidnapped me and forced me to come along!"

"Traitor!" grumbled Ukyo.

"No you're not," countered Mrs. Sajika. "I saw you holding that poor boy's legs while the rest of you ruffians beat him!"

"We were not beating him," said Kodachi. "We were forcing Ranma into position."

A hard kick from her brother brought a yelp from Kodachi.

"So you all admit to assaulting this Ranma Saotome," said the Sergeant.

"Not Shampoo. We just outside and catch body when it come over wall."

"So, a planned murder it was."

Mousse turned to Shampoo. "Uh, that was not a wise thing to be saying there, Shampoo."

Nabiki stepped up. "We can explain all of this, officer."

"Yes you can... down before the magistrate. I'm sure he will be— You, on the bicycle! Stop!"

Huh? Wondered the rest of the group. In his panic, Kurenai did not realize that he had allowed gravity to play its part in this tragedy. Shampoo's bike rolled down the sloping street carrying Ranma merrily along. Several gasp came from them as it picked up speed.

Ukyo swatted Kurenai on the shoulder. "You can't even control one simple bike!"

"Hey, dat Saotome," Principle Kuno said. "He try one eh'scape. He get good buzz cut fo'dat."

"Nice job balancing him, Mousse," said Hikaru.

The Sergeant looked at Mrs. Sajika with a frown. "I thought you said Saotome was dead?"

Akane spun around. "He is dead!" she cried. Her hands slapped across her mouth, realizing how stupid of a mistake that was. She turned and frantically gestured to the others to get after Ranma before they lost him.

"STOP!" cried the Sergeant as together the band of fugitives dashed off in pursuit...

---

Disneyland!

The odd sight of a runaway bike being pursued greeted the citizens' fortunate enough to bear witness on this day of days. Momentum built up as the delivery bike topped the crest of the next street rocketing along, to be followed seconds later by the cries from Ranma's friends as they ran at full tilt hoping to catch up with it before Ranma, or anyone else, got hurt.

A tip over a rock put the bike up on the sidewalk, roaring through awnings, tables, banners, and anything else in its way before careening back out into the street to continue its flight. Ranma looked like a Chinese New Years Dragon minus the head, a long trail of tablecloths and streamers fluttering in the wind behind him. His frozen smile never wavered as the bike approached a turn in the road, and with a slight skip, velocity carried it up over the railing.

Akane's cry startled everyone as it disappeared from view. The reached the turn and peered over the side fearing what they might see. Below ran another road, Ranma with bike continuing on without a hitch.

"Wow. For dead man, Ranma ride bike real good," said Shampoo.

The distant warble of a siren caught their ears.

"This way before the police catch up to us," said Nabiki, leading them down the street.

They found some steps leading down, and soon were back in pursuit of Ranma's body. By then, the delivery bike had reached the end of the street racing headlong towards a high stone embankment. This time there was not enough speed or clearance for the bike to make it's way over, but Ranma had plenty of room as it collided with a loud crash.

"Oh no!" exclaimed Akane watching his body sail up through the air.

"At least he's heading in the right direction," commented Nabiki.

Over several rooftops flew Ranma with the gang racing along after him. He finally came down in another side street.

KLA-DUNG!

Shampoo held out her arms stopping them all upon hearing the sound.

"Skull!" she told them. "Ranma hit someone!"

"Well let's go see how much damage was done," replied Ukyo.

They raced around the corner coming to an abrupt stop upon seeing who it was Ranma had landed on. Ryoga Hibiki lay face down in the alley, Ranma latched tight on his back, their faces pressed cheek to cheek.

"Ranma what are you doing? Get off me!" cried Ryoga, struggling with no success to dislodge the body. "You better get that strange grin off your face, I'm not like that!"

"Ryoga?" called Akane as they ran over to them.

Mousse and Hikaru pulled Ranma from Ryoga's back and he sat up.

"Hey, guys," he said gazing around. "What are you doing here?"

"I was about to ask you the same thing. I thought you said you were going to Okinawa?"

"I am in Okinawa. Strange how it looks so much like Nerima? What are you guys doing here anyway?"

A brief silence followed, broken by the laughter from his friends.

"Let me guess... I'm not in Okinawa?"

Their laughs increased. Ryoga slapped a knee angrily. "Damn it. Knew I should have turned left at Hofu. Now look at me. I'm in Seoul."

Ukyo dropped to her knees clutching her midsection. "Stop, Ryoga. You're killing me, and we don't need another body right now."

Ryoga stood up. He scratched the side of his head in wonder. "Hey Ranma, what's going on?" he asked.

When Ranma did not reply, Ryoga walked over to him. He smirked, peering from side to side at him, arching a brow in confusion. Then it hit him.

"Hey, Ranma's—!"

"Yes, he's dead," said Mousse. "Isn't it wonderful?"

Ryoga glanced from Mousse to Ranma then back to Mousse again.

"Who did it?"

"I'll give you three guesses, and you still won't get it right."

Ryoga paused. "You?"

"AANNNTTT! Try again."

He thought a second then turned to Tatewaki. "Kuno?"

Tatewaki had his face pressed into the fence behind them, laughing uncontrollably. "Okinawa!" he exclaimed.

"Nope, one last guess," said Mousse.

"Akane?" Ryoga said.

Akane shifted between chuckles and sobs, shaking her head.

"Wrong again! Ready for a shock?"

Ryoga nodded, and Mousse pointed over at Hikaru. "Killer," he said.

"Gosunkugi?"

Hikaru shrugged. "Yeah, I'm at fault here."

In disbelief, Ryoga stood staring at the underling. "Wow. I didn't think you had it in you."

"Oh it was nothing really."

Akane snatched Hikaru up, shaking him around. "Nothing, nothing!" she shouted. "You did kill him on purpose!"

Tsubasa and Kodachi pried her off Gosunkugi before he got snapped in two. Meanwhile, Ryoga stared at Ranma's lifeless face shaking his head.

"Man! What an operation this had to be," he finally said. "Look at that smile. Boy, Gos, you are one tough cookie I tell you. And to get him all the way here to Korea for disposal... what a mind!"

Tatewaki's fist beat repeatedly against the fence. "Okinawa!" he cried again.

"Hoo, hoo, hoo, if the police catch us now, I'm done," added Kodachi. "I've not the strength to run any further after such delightful entertainment."

Nabiki staggered out into the center of the group. "All, all right!" she managed to say. "We're not far from the Dojo and—."

"You brought the Dojo along too?" said Ryoga.

Nabiki lowered her head for a second, shoulders heaving. "Ah... Lets gather up Ranma and get there so we can burn him and be done with this mess."

"Burn?" said Ryoga, eyes going wide.

"Don't even think about it," Mousse said to him. "I got dibs on that part."

Ryoga frowned. "Kerosene?" he asked.

"Eh, I guess you can do that."

Ryoga grinned. "I get to pour the Kerosene, I get to pour the Kerosene," he chanted, doing a small jig in front of Ranma's body.

"Oh what's the use," said Nabiki. "Guys, grab Ranma. Shampoo; help Ukyo up if you would please. Come' on Chuckles!"

Nabiki grabbed Tatewaki by the back of his collar, pulling him along down the side street...

---

"Get in there!"

"Me? This isn't my home, it's yours!"

"Get in there and take a look around!"

"No! I'm not the one who's at fault here!"

Kurenai staggered to a stop in the back portion of the Tendo yard rubbing the side of his leg. He glared back at Nabiki waiting impatiently from the doorway.

"You don't have to be so damn rough, Nabiki," he whispered to her.

"Stop whining and look!" she shot back.

Tsubasa gazed across the backyard. He saw nothing out of the ordinary, but in the Tendo-verse, anything was possible. Carefully, he took a few steps further into the yard, paused, stepped back then forwards once more.

"Kurenai!" Nabiki angrily whispered, startling him. He turned and she held up her hands gesturing quizzically.

"What am I looking for?"

"Will you stop playing around! Is there anyone there?"

"No!"

The fugitives hurriedly filed inside. They ran over to the side of the Tendo training hall and pressed up against it.

"Well, so far so good, Madame Bond," joked Mousse. "Next move is?"

Nabiki peeked around the corner. There in front was her father, Soun Tendo, and Ranma's father, Genma, busy tending to the grounds. She inched back out of sight.

"Daddy and Mister Saotome are working in the yard," she said to Akane.

"Great. Now we can take Ranma inside and prepare him for his funeral."

"Where's the Kerosene?" asked Ryoga."

Shampoo smacked him on the head. "You and silly Mousse to anxious to burn Ranma," she snapped. "I still have claim to him."

"He is mine!" growled Tatewaki.

"We're not going to start that again!" said Ukyo, cutting off the argument. "Nabiki, lets get Ranma in the Dojo before you dads decide to saunter out this way."

They pulled Ranma off of Shampoo's bike and went around to the back door of the dojo. Akane peeked in and found the vestibule empty. It looked like laundry day, several bundles of clothes nested around the two washing machines.

"We'll leave Ranma here," she told them. "I'll go and find his good clothes, the rest of you can wait in the living room."

"I know where they are!" exclaimed Ryoga. "I get'em. You can keep an eye on winkin, blinkin, and nod here so they can't run off with the guest of honor."

Ryoga dashed on ahead.

"He is just getting too much excitement out of this," said Nabiki.

"Him?" replied Mousse. "I've got a strange twitch in my Zippo thumb just waiting to be used."

"In the living room! Everybody in the living room!" exclaimed Akane.

"Yes. Let us all adjourn to your living room," said Tatewaki. "We need better surroundings for our negotiations."

Akane pushed him forward, followed by the rest of the group. The door was barely closed behind them when though the entrance across the room Kasumi Tendo entered carrying another large bundle of clothes. She went about her work, briefly glancing over at Ranma while loading one of the washers.

"Hello, Ranma. Home early today?"

The question went unanswered, Kasumi pausing from her task to look over at him. He sat smiling at her, nestled happily in the corner looking like the manekineko outside the front door. She could not help but smile back at him.

"You look very comfortable, Ranma," she said, "but I don't think your chair is going to be there for long."

Still no reply, Kasumi moved closer towards him. "Ranma? Are you asleep?"

Not a flinch or sign of life came from the boy. Kasumi let out a light huff and carefully lifted the shades covering his eyes. The whites of Ranma's eyes were all that she could see, and calmly Kasumi stepped back. She stared at Ranma placing a hand to her chin.

"Oh my," gasped Kasumi.

She turned; no sense in panicking used to such calamities around the dojo, and headed for the living room. When she opened the sliding door, Kasumi stopped not expecting what awaited her. Akane stood brandishing a broom in her hands pointing the end menacingly at Tatewaki, Shampoo, and Kodachi like a beleaguered solider in a hopeless battle. Behind her next to the phone, Tsubasa and Ukyo struggled with the receiver while Hikaru, Mousse and Nabiki sat on the floor watching the growing confrontation.

"None of you are taking Ranma out of here!" shouted Akane.

"You have forgotten that I have paid for his body three times over!" shouted Tatewaki.

"So?"

"You think you can stop all of us!" said Shampoo. "We take you out, then I take Ranma to great grandma!"

"Not before I have my way with him first," Kodachi said.

"Nobody is getting Ranma!" growled Akane.

The broomstick came around driving the trio back.

"Will you let go of the phone, Ukyo!" cried Tsubasa. "I'm only calling the airport!"

"And where do you think you're going to fly off too!"

"France! They don't have extradition laws there so at least I can stay and finish my studies in peace!"

"Give me that receiver, Tsubasa!"

"Aren't you even going to try and stop this, Nabiki," Gosunkugi asked.

"Are you kidding? This mess was going to happen eventually. Might as well let them get it out of their systems."

"I still would like to have a video of this," said Mousse. "Entertaining nevertheless."

Kasumi blinked and then walked past Akane to the phone. Her appearance stopped everyone and they watched as she took the phone from Ukyo's hands and began dialing.

"Who are you called, Kasumi?" asked Akane.

"The police," she answered.

CLICK!

Ukyo's finger stopped the call, Kasumi finding herself suddenly surrounded by the rest of the gang. She placed the receiver back in its cradle and then turned to Akane.

"Little sister, there is a cadaver in my laundry room. I don't know why, I don't know who—."

"It's Ranma," Hikaru told her.

Kasumi let the comment pass, pausing a second. ",or how, but I would like it out of my house."

Akane started blubbering. She felt her cheeks finding them dry and headed for the kitchen whining all the way. Ryoga returned.

"I found them!" he exclaimed. "Which pair do you think will burn the best? Black or... oops! Ha, ha, hello Kasumi. Here for the bonfire?"

Again, Kasumi paused briefly. "Nabiki, I think a small explanation is now needed."

"Well big sister, Akane's sympathetic side wants to spare Hikaru any undue pain and penetration by giving Ranma a funeral, followed by cremation."

"And I get to light the fire!" Mousse cheerfully said.

As he groaned beneath Shampoo's furious pinch, Kasumi thought about the explanation. She nodded, looking around at them, then let out a hum.

"I see you all have quite a busy agenda, so I'll just go upstairs and... make up the beds!"

"Oh ho ho no, big sister," replied Nabiki. She placed a firm arm around Kasumi's shoulders guiding her away from the stairs. "I know there's another phone up in your room, so lets just say that you've become a special guest for our little ceremony."

"Welcome to the kidnapped club," Tsubasa said. "Good to see that it's growing in unwilling popularity."

"Nabiki! You would hold me hostage like this?"

"Yep. Police don't know where we are, and once Ranma's interned, things will mostly be alright."

"Black it is!" cried Ryoga. "Where's that cadaver at?"

"I'll get it!" said Kodachi, dashing for the door.

A body tackle from Shampoo had them tussling across the floor. Akane reappeared, stepping over the struggling women, drinking water from a large glass in her hands.

"At least she stopped crying," said Ukyo.

Akane brought the glass down and drew in a breath. "I'm just reloading," she said.

"Akane! Nabiki is telling me that Ranma is to be burned because of you. Is this true?" asked Kasumi.

She nodded, lips quivering. "YYYEEEESSSSS!" she cried.

"Must not take much to rejuvenate those tear glands," Tatewaki said.

"Nabiki!" exclaimed Kasumi.

"Funerals in ten minutes, sis. You want to go change into something more formal? Naw, forget it. This won't take long at all."

"Nabiki!"

"But I want Saotome's body!" shouted Tatewaki.

Mousse smirked at him. "Kinky. Will you settle for the ashes?"

"We better get a move on," said Ukyo. "Nothing to stop this now."

The patio door suddenly slid open. There, glaring angrily at them stood the police Sergeant and several cops. Genma and Soun were beside him, Principal Kuno and Mrs. Sajika bringing up the rear. A tense silence followed.

"Uh, looks like we're on hold," commented Tsubasa, as the Sergeant stepped inside...

---

I'm hungry...

Downcast eyes made every attempt to avoid the intimidating stare from the police Sergeant pacing around the center of the Tendo living room. He chuckled evilly, hands clasped tight behind his back as he surveyed the band of fugitives around him.

"So," he began, "you thought the police would not be able to find you, eh? Heh, heh, heh, criminals will never learn that the righteous will always prevail over their dark deeds!"

"We're not criminals!" said Ukyo.

"Yes, they're just inadvertent accomplices," added Gosunkugi.

Akane muttered Hikaru's name, placing a hand to her forehead in disbelief.

"Well. So you have all tried to hide the fact that Mrs. Sajika here identified you as the murderers of Ranma Saotome," continued the Sergeant.

"What!" exclaimed Genma. "Ranma is dead?"

"They beat him up in Study Hall Three," said Mrs. Sajika.

"Dehn toss bahdy oveh de school wall to assistants," added Principle Kuno.

Genma's jaw fell to the floor. "How could you do such a thing to my boy? Akane, he was your husband!"

"He my husband!" shouted Shampoo.

Akane fought to keep back here tears, staring sadly down at the floor. She wrung her hands nervously together and looked up at him.

"You see, Mister Saotome... We all—."

"Akane," called Nabiki, moving up next to her sister. "What are you trying to do? Get us sent away?" she whispered.

"It doesn't matter now, Nabiki. We're caught."

"Not if they can't—."

A firm hand came down on Nabiki's shoulder. She grimaced, peering fearfully up into the dark eyes of the Sergeant.

"Away," he told her, and Nabiki gingerly backed over to the far side of the room.

"Now, Miss Tendo, please continue if you would."

"Look at her, brother," Kodachi said low to Tatewaki. "The little harpy has confession written all over her face."

"Sad to see my future bride has no Kuno backbone," he replied.

"Don't worry, he won't get a thing," said Nabiki.

"She's about too crack, Nabiki," said Mousse. "Even I can see that."

"Just watch."

Akane stood shaking before the Sergeant. He arched a brow knowing that her resolve was about to cave in.

"BBBWWWAAAAHHHHHH!!!!"

"What is happening!" cried the Sergeant, backing away from the sudden deluge of tears.

"Babublghdyr gydyertws-Ranmagbweqar bewahhhh!" blubbered Akane, gesturing frantically towards the others and around the room.

"What, what? What did you say?"

"See," said Nabiki. "Not a word."

Unfortunately, Soun chose that moment to step up. "Excuse my youngest daughter," he said to the Sergeant, "she has broken into the family tongue. Allow me to translate for you."

"No, daddy, no."

"Hoo, hoo, hoo. Not a word, eh? You're striking out quite well today, Nabiki Tendo."

Soun took Akane gently by her shoulders and gazed deep into her eyes. "BWAAHH, BBUUBBBAAHHH BWWAHH BWAAHHH?"

"BWAHHHH!!!!! Bubbugublgubble Buhh boohoo bhuuh, Bwahhahahaaaaa!!!"

"Oh how horrible!" gasped Kasumi, fist pressing fearfully to her chin. Ryoga and Mousse started in surprise at her, trading lost looks.

"Hm," said Soun. "I appears that Ranma inadvertently downed one of Gosunkugi's experiments while at school and killed him—WHAT?!"

Hikaru dropped to his knees. "It was an accident, I swear!"

"Bgady! Mmumbahahagubahaha Gbbblighiberoooooo," continued Akane.

"...and they brought him back here to receive his final rites and cremation," finished Soun.

"Go'head Akane," said Ukyo. "Spill them guts why don't'cha."

"What about the beating I saw you all giving Ranma?" said Mrs. Sajika.

"Yeh, an rahning frahm me! Da Principal!"

The Sergeant hummed lightly, eyeing the fugitives for a moment. "This could be all a cover up," he finally said. "Would have worked better if they had just stayed at the school and reported it right away instead of trying to hide the evidence."

Several angry glowers locked down upon Akane and Hikaru.

"So where is Ranma anyway?" asked Genma.

"Yes, where are you hiding the corpse?" said the Sergeant.

No immediate answer came, and then Hikaru raised a timid hand up.

"Yes?"

"Uh, will it knock a few years off our sentences if we told you?" he asked.

A flurry of slaps and blows rained down on Gosunkugi's head.

"You see! Look at them beating that poor boy like that!" said Mrs. Sajika. "A pack of ruffians and bullies, that's what they are!"

"Kids, I'm afraid I'm going to have to arrest you all."

"Hey, I didn't do anything!" said Ryoga. "I was just going to pour the Kerosene, damn not a good thing to be saying!"

"Everybody is going down to station."

"Even me?" asked Kasumi.

The Sergeant shrugged.

"K-K-Kasumieee," whined Soun. "You too? How could you?"

"I think it's called 'proximity'," said Hikaru. More slaps and blows rained down on him.

"You should all come clean and tell me where Ranma's body is."

"What if there is no body?" asked Tsubasa.

"Don't toy with me, son," replied the Sergeant. "The only way there is going to be no body is if Ranma Saotome is alive and comes walking into this room. That's the only way you all are going to get out of this clean."

Ranma pushed the door to the kitchen back, yawning while stretching his arms high above his head. He walked in, gazing sleepily at the myriad of expressions staring back at him. Smacking his lips, he smiled.

"Hey, guys, what's going on?"

You could hear the footsteps of a cricket walking across the floor from the following silence. Nobody moved, mixed expression locked on Ranma. He stretched again and gazed back at them.

"Okay... maybe I have missed something here," he said.

Tsubasa flopped over on his back in a dead faint.

"Gee, I knew I could make an entrance, but I did not expect it to be so great."

Akane broke from her stupor walking over to Ranma. She held out a shaky hand and touched him on the chest. Trembling hands lifted the shades from Ranma's eyes and he blinked as the full light hit.

"Oh, and here I was thinking it was nighttime or something," he said.

"GBWAHGIBAAAAHHH!" exclaimed Akane, tears gushing down her cheeks. She hugged Ranma and he looked down at her wondering what was wrong. All Akane could do was sob into his chest.

"Does somebody want to tell me what's going on here? Nabiki—."

"Deyehhhh," trailed Nabiki, walking stiffly across the room towards the locked liquor cabinet.

"Hm, guess not," continued Ranma. "Guys—."

Shampoo started to let out a long cry cut short by Mousse's hand across her mouth, both of them going to the floor as they stared terrified up at him.

"A wrestling match, eh? Well you two can't be doing that in here. You'll just have to take it out into the dojo."

A cough from the Sergeant caught Ranma's attention. He started slightly caught aback by his appearance.

"Ranma Saotome?" said the Sergeant.

"Uh, that's me."

"OOOH, OOOH!" exclaimed Ryoga. He clutched at his heart, staggering to the center of the room. After a few small circles, Ryoga went into a crouch with his back turned away from Ranma shivering uncontrollably, arms around his head.

The Sergeant shook his head and continued. "Mister Saotome, you appear to be fairly alive and well."

Ranma looked at Ukyo. "What's he talking about?"

Ukyo stood paralyzed with fear, a fist to her mouth suppressing the scream building in her throat. No answer from her, Ranma turned to the Kuno siblings. They appeared calm, but with the first utterance of a word to them brought a gasp from Tatewaki.

"Ah! No, the ghost... it, it has spoken to me! I'm cursed! I'm following you, Nabiki!"

Tatewaki staggered past Ranma.

"Kodachi?"

Kodachi let out a long laugh pressing back into the furthest corner she could reach. Just short out of the ordinary, Ranma could see by the wild look in her eyes that she might have finally gone over the deep end.

"Gee, officer, I don't think there is any other way I should be," Ranma replied.

"We had a report that you had been waylaid and beaten by a band of thugs."

"In Study Room Three!" said Mrs. Sajika.

"Study Room Three? I haven't been down there?" Ranma smirked. "Study? Feh, it's too noisy to study at school, and besides none of these bozos could take me anyway. Tell'em, Akane."

"BWAHHH!" cried Akane.

"Pop, can you tell me why Akane's speaking Tendoese at me?"

"Not now boy. I'm still trying to figure out what's happening myself," answered Genma.

Principle Kuno came up looking Ranma over closely. "Hm, he no look pale like be'fo." Principle Kuno suddenly let out a loud scream into Ranma's ear.

"OW, hey what are you doing!" he shouted, pulling away.

"And he still hear good, too. No dahmage fram Skinny Pahpys."

"Skinny Puppy? Ew, yuck! That crap will kill a person!"

"Move over, Tsubasa!" Ukyo shouted down at Kurenai's inert form. "I think I'm going to be joining you here very soon!"

"Wait a minute!" said the Sergeant. "Something's not right here. You, wearing the binoculars! Let that girl speak."

Mousse did as instructed, pulling his hand down.

"OOOOOOOIIIIIYYYYYIIIIIIIIII," came Shampoo's piercing cry.

The Sergeant staggered back.

"You, wearing the binoculars! Shut her up!"

"YYYYYIIIIIIIIIIIMRUMPH..."

"Ranma, Akane said you had been poisoned," said Soun.

"Poisoned? I don't remember eating any of her cooking?"

The scorching glare from Akane singed Ranma's chin.

"But, uh, I'm sure that would not have happened unless she had gotten some bad food to cook with," he quickly added.

"It was supposedly done by Gosunkugi."

Across the room, Hikaru stood holding a pocket notepad open in his hand mulling over something. Hearing his name, he looked up.

"Gos!" said Ranma.

"It was a mistake, Ranma!" cried Hikaru, dropping to his knees.

"What was?"

"The drink!"

"Oh, you mean that great glass of water you got for me?

Hikaru blinked. "You liked it?" he said, slowly rising to his feet.

"Yeah. Best glass of water I've ever had. Where did it come from? Fuji?"

Hikaru frowned. He looked back down at his notepad and scratched his head. "Hmm. Must not have been enough curare in the mix," he muttered to himself.

"You know I could use another glass, Hikaru."

Hikaru smiled at him. "I'll get right on it, URK!"

"E'scuse us," said Ukyo, dragging Gosunkugi to the side. "It appears that the lunch bell has just rang, isn't that right, Hikaru?"

"GEORGFFF!" he replied as Ukyo forced several pages of his notepad into his mouth.

"I can see that some minor mistake has been made here," said the Sergeant. "We'll be leaving now. Sorry to have bothered you."

The policemen exited, one last look from the Sergeant had him shaking his head in wonder.

"Cahm ahn, Mrs. Sajika," said Principle Kuno. "We get you down to one good eye dah'ctor. Free, on da school."

"But I was not seeing things!" shouted Mrs. Sajika as she was pulled along. "Those, those, THUGS, were beating up on that poor boy! They were!"

Ranma could only stare in wonder. He turned to his father again and started to speak, but Genma raised up a finger.

"Don't ask me, and I really do not want to know. Come, Soun. We still have work to do out in the back."

The story could wait Soun figured, following Genma outside.

"Okay. Somebody tell me what's going on!" exclaimed Ranma.

At the liquor cabinet, Nabiki fumbling hands finally found her copy of the key, unlocking the doors. She appeared calm, but the rapid shaking of her fathers hard to procure whiskey belied her true state. Nabiki took out a large glass, her jitters preventing her from pouring straight.

"Allow me," said Tatewaki taking her hands steadying them.

Nabiki started to bring it to her lips, but Tatewaki gently took it away.

"Let us not be greedy," he said, taking a long swallow.

Nabiki stared at Tatewaki, and then joined him taking a swig from the bottle.

It looked like no help there, Ranma gazed down at Ryoga.

"Ryoga ol'buddy!"

"Don't talk too me!" cried out Ryoga, holding a hand up. He whimpered lightly, eyes clinched shut. "Don't talk too me! No, no, no, no... dead, yes, dead. He was, yes, dead... dead... oh yes, gone, yes, yes?"

A quick peek, Ryoga tensed sharply closing his eyes again. "Dyarghh! No! Dead... dead... still standing there... buthewasdead... oh yes, oh gosh, oh, oh, not dead, cheek to cheek... dead."

Ranma left Ryoga alone. "Has everyone got sunstroke or something? Kodachi—."

She let out a long laugh; fighting to press back further into the corner she cowered in. Ukyo and Gosunkugi would be no help continuing their strange review of his notebook.

"And we were helping your ass stay out of jail," Ranma heard Ukyo say as she tore out several more sheets of paper. "I'll get right on it, I'll get right on it, he says. Yeah, you're going to get right on it all right! Get right on this!"

"Gmorph! Gaacckkk!"

A look at the floor found Mousse and Shampoo following Tsubasa's lead.

"Are you hungry, Ranma?" Kasumi suddenly asked.

"I... guess so. Could use some more of that killer water Hikaru made. That was some good stuff. Made me smile."

"Oh, Ranma if you only knew," bawled Akane, hugging his right arm tight.

Kasumi smiled a nervous smile, teetering on the brink of insanity. "Too the kitchen?" she said gesturing for him to follow.

"What about them?"

She stopped and looked around at the rest of the gang. "Ah, no. They probably will not be wanting to talk to you for a long time."

"To bad," replied Ranma. He followed Kasumi, towing Akane along.

"Wanted to tell'em about this killer dream I had. Started out at school, thought that's where I was, ended up in Disneyland!"

"You don't say?"

"They were all in it too! Missing a great story. Best thing about it was all I did was lay around like a corpse."

"BWAHHH!"

Kasumi giggled. "Don't worry, Ranma. I don't think they're going to miss a thing..."

Fin