Disclaimer: Once again: we own nothing! Nothing we tell you!
~*~*~ Chapter Three: When We're Good, We're Really Good ~*~*~
The two Marauders walked up the stairs and into a disgustingly clean bedroom.
"Yikes." Sirius whispered, "Glad she isn't MY mother!"
Remus nodded his agreement before pointing to another door, obviously leading into the bathroom, from which, obnoxious humming could be heard.
"She certainly can't sing!" Remus said, scrunching his nose in disgust.
"Yes, but do you remember Lily being able to sing?"
"She could sing better than you!"
"Moony, you wound me!"
Remus rolled his eyes and stepped forward so that Petunia Dursley could see his reflection in the mirror.
Before she noticed, Sirius leaned over to Remus, "Aren't you supposed to not have a reflection?"
"That's vampires, genius."
"Oh yeah!"
They were interrupted by a sudden high pitched scream which made Remus wonder if Mrs. Dursley was related to a Mandrake.
"Wh-who are you?!" Petunia shrieked.
"We-" Sirius started.
"-Are now deaf." Remus finished, "Hello, Mrs. Dursley! I am Mr. Kookoonana and this is my partner Mr. Chi-"
Sirius cleared his throat.
"What?!" Remus asked irritably, annoyed at being interrupted.
"You prat!" Sirius hissed, "I'M Mr. Kookoonana and YOU'RE Mr. Chi!"
"Oh, right. My mistake. Excuse me. I am Mr. Chi and this is my partner Mr. Kookoonana and we have a proposition for you. You see, we are in the doily business, and-"
"I thought we worked with drills?" Sirius interrupted.
Remus sighed, seriously thinking about smacking his friend, "Do you really think that she is interested in drills? That was our alibi to get past VERNON, now we deal with her."
"Oh! Okay!"
By now, Mrs. Dursley had caught on, and she crossed her arms over her chest. "And what kind of doilies are you selling gentlemen?" she asked sarcastically.
"Way to go Mr. Kookoonana!" Sirius hissed to Remus, "You've blown our cover!"
Remus sighed. "One, I am the smart one, and YOU are the one who blew our cover and two, YOU ARE MR. KOOKOONANA!"
"Oh yeah."
"Alright." Remus said, turning to Mrs. Dursley, "You want the truth? My name is Remus Lupin and this is my friend Sirius Black. We are here to save our best friends' son, Harry, from the clutches of his evil aunt and uncle, so we ask you to kindly hand him over."
Petunia looked around, confused, "There is no one evil here. Nor is there a Harry."
Sirius cleared his throat, putting his hand on the shoulder of a very confused Remus, "I'll take it from here, Remmy." He turned to Mrs. Dursley, "We are here to save our best friends' son, The Boy, from the clutches of his embodiment of evil relatives Petunia, Vernon and Dudley Dursley."
"Oh! You mean the boy. Alright then! NOW I understand. I'm sorry, but you cannot have him."
"Well, excuse me!" Sirius snapped, "But I am his GOD-FATHER."
"I am his AUNT."
"God-father!"
"Aunt!"
"God-father!"
"Aunt!"
"God-father!"
"Aunt!"
"GOD-FATHER!"
"AUNT!"
"God-father infinity!"
"Aunt infinity plus one!"
"DRAT! Uh, god-father two times of everything you say! HA!"
"Uh, well, I am his guardian!"
"Why do you care what happens to him?"
"Sirius, it's the principle of the thing." Remus whispered.
"Ah. What's a principle?"
Remus sighed.
"God-father!"
"Guardian!"
"And both of us, Petunia, darling," Remus cut in, "Are fully grown WIZARDS."
Petunia stopped, her eyes becoming wide with fear. "Wi-wizards?"
"Y-yes." Remus and Sirius said together.
"Quite capable of the discriminating 'turn you into a toad' trick." Remus said sweetly.
She stepped forward, trembling and smiling with a sickening sweetness, "Can I get you a cup of tea?"
Neither of them moved, so she changed her tactic to groveling, "You are both, ah, such. NICE men! Such kind, GOOD men!"
Sirius and Remus obtained identical evil grins, and said together as though they had rehearsed it, "When we're good, we're really good, but when we're bad, we're even better."
"Ah, the old Marauder theme." Sirius said with dreamy eyes.
And then they both took out their wands, "Wingardium leviosa!"
Petunia rose off the ground to hover near the ceiling, all the while screaming bloody murder at the top of her lungs.
Remus winced, "Why'd we do that?! Now we have a high-pitched shrieking, annoying, FLYING Dursley to deal with."
Sirius pointed his wand at her, "SHUT UP!"
There was immediate silence.
Remus looked at his friend curiously. "That's not a spell."
Sirius shrugged, "I guess I just have that affect on people."
"Right.."
A door slammed somewhere out in the hall. "Uncle Vernon? Aunt Petunia?"
Sirius cleared his throat, put on a high, annoying voice and called out, "In here, boy!"
Harry ran through the doorway, looking as though he was prepared for the worst. He stopped short, staring at Remus and Sirius in amazement.
"Hiya Harry!" Sirius chirped.
Harry quickly hid his enormous smile and faked a groan. "Oh, no. Not YOU TWO."
"Yep." Sirius said, grinning, "Us two."
~*~*~
TBC
WOO HOO! Finally! A somewhat long chapter! (Does a little dance) But beware. Sanaria is writing next. Prepare for insanity.
Thank you so much to our lovely reviewers! We always love praise!
PLEASE R&R and wait anxiously for the next chapter! We know it's the highlight of your day. (And the Ego-Monitor goes through the roof)
~*~*~ Chapter Three: When We're Good, We're Really Good ~*~*~
The two Marauders walked up the stairs and into a disgustingly clean bedroom.
"Yikes." Sirius whispered, "Glad she isn't MY mother!"
Remus nodded his agreement before pointing to another door, obviously leading into the bathroom, from which, obnoxious humming could be heard.
"She certainly can't sing!" Remus said, scrunching his nose in disgust.
"Yes, but do you remember Lily being able to sing?"
"She could sing better than you!"
"Moony, you wound me!"
Remus rolled his eyes and stepped forward so that Petunia Dursley could see his reflection in the mirror.
Before she noticed, Sirius leaned over to Remus, "Aren't you supposed to not have a reflection?"
"That's vampires, genius."
"Oh yeah!"
They were interrupted by a sudden high pitched scream which made Remus wonder if Mrs. Dursley was related to a Mandrake.
"Wh-who are you?!" Petunia shrieked.
"We-" Sirius started.
"-Are now deaf." Remus finished, "Hello, Mrs. Dursley! I am Mr. Kookoonana and this is my partner Mr. Chi-"
Sirius cleared his throat.
"What?!" Remus asked irritably, annoyed at being interrupted.
"You prat!" Sirius hissed, "I'M Mr. Kookoonana and YOU'RE Mr. Chi!"
"Oh, right. My mistake. Excuse me. I am Mr. Chi and this is my partner Mr. Kookoonana and we have a proposition for you. You see, we are in the doily business, and-"
"I thought we worked with drills?" Sirius interrupted.
Remus sighed, seriously thinking about smacking his friend, "Do you really think that she is interested in drills? That was our alibi to get past VERNON, now we deal with her."
"Oh! Okay!"
By now, Mrs. Dursley had caught on, and she crossed her arms over her chest. "And what kind of doilies are you selling gentlemen?" she asked sarcastically.
"Way to go Mr. Kookoonana!" Sirius hissed to Remus, "You've blown our cover!"
Remus sighed. "One, I am the smart one, and YOU are the one who blew our cover and two, YOU ARE MR. KOOKOONANA!"
"Oh yeah."
"Alright." Remus said, turning to Mrs. Dursley, "You want the truth? My name is Remus Lupin and this is my friend Sirius Black. We are here to save our best friends' son, Harry, from the clutches of his evil aunt and uncle, so we ask you to kindly hand him over."
Petunia looked around, confused, "There is no one evil here. Nor is there a Harry."
Sirius cleared his throat, putting his hand on the shoulder of a very confused Remus, "I'll take it from here, Remmy." He turned to Mrs. Dursley, "We are here to save our best friends' son, The Boy, from the clutches of his embodiment of evil relatives Petunia, Vernon and Dudley Dursley."
"Oh! You mean the boy. Alright then! NOW I understand. I'm sorry, but you cannot have him."
"Well, excuse me!" Sirius snapped, "But I am his GOD-FATHER."
"I am his AUNT."
"God-father!"
"Aunt!"
"God-father!"
"Aunt!"
"God-father!"
"Aunt!"
"GOD-FATHER!"
"AUNT!"
"God-father infinity!"
"Aunt infinity plus one!"
"DRAT! Uh, god-father two times of everything you say! HA!"
"Uh, well, I am his guardian!"
"Why do you care what happens to him?"
"Sirius, it's the principle of the thing." Remus whispered.
"Ah. What's a principle?"
Remus sighed.
"God-father!"
"Guardian!"
"And both of us, Petunia, darling," Remus cut in, "Are fully grown WIZARDS."
Petunia stopped, her eyes becoming wide with fear. "Wi-wizards?"
"Y-yes." Remus and Sirius said together.
"Quite capable of the discriminating 'turn you into a toad' trick." Remus said sweetly.
She stepped forward, trembling and smiling with a sickening sweetness, "Can I get you a cup of tea?"
Neither of them moved, so she changed her tactic to groveling, "You are both, ah, such. NICE men! Such kind, GOOD men!"
Sirius and Remus obtained identical evil grins, and said together as though they had rehearsed it, "When we're good, we're really good, but when we're bad, we're even better."
"Ah, the old Marauder theme." Sirius said with dreamy eyes.
And then they both took out their wands, "Wingardium leviosa!"
Petunia rose off the ground to hover near the ceiling, all the while screaming bloody murder at the top of her lungs.
Remus winced, "Why'd we do that?! Now we have a high-pitched shrieking, annoying, FLYING Dursley to deal with."
Sirius pointed his wand at her, "SHUT UP!"
There was immediate silence.
Remus looked at his friend curiously. "That's not a spell."
Sirius shrugged, "I guess I just have that affect on people."
"Right.."
A door slammed somewhere out in the hall. "Uncle Vernon? Aunt Petunia?"
Sirius cleared his throat, put on a high, annoying voice and called out, "In here, boy!"
Harry ran through the doorway, looking as though he was prepared for the worst. He stopped short, staring at Remus and Sirius in amazement.
"Hiya Harry!" Sirius chirped.
Harry quickly hid his enormous smile and faked a groan. "Oh, no. Not YOU TWO."
"Yep." Sirius said, grinning, "Us two."
~*~*~
TBC
WOO HOO! Finally! A somewhat long chapter! (Does a little dance) But beware. Sanaria is writing next. Prepare for insanity.
Thank you so much to our lovely reviewers! We always love praise!
PLEASE R&R and wait anxiously for the next chapter! We know it's the highlight of your day. (And the Ego-Monitor goes through the roof)