Disclaimer: Believe me... if Ashen and I owned Harry Potter, then we
wouldn't be posting FAN FICTION! It would be published as an actual book!
Sheesh!
~*~*~ Chapter Five: Of Greasy Gits, Yoplait Yogurt and Toilet Paper ~*~*~
Sirius stopped dead in his tracks, staring in horror up at the school entrance. "Oh... shazbot."
"SIRIUS!" Remus roared in shock as he ran straight into his friend's back, "When you're going to stop abruptly you could at least tell a guy!" Then he caught sight of what Sirius was looking at. "Uh oh..."
Severus Snape stood by the door to the school with what appeared to be a checklist, stopping the adults that were coming in.
"*McGonagall* did that last time!" Remus hissed.
"I suppose they decided that scaring the living sh-"
"SIRIUS! This is a *school*!"
"Sorry, but I suppose that they decided that scarring everyone for life by looking at Snape before entering the school makes the year less... er... *chaotic*?"
"Perhaps. But I think it's purely for you."
"Shut up."
They continued up to the school and joined the line of adults (a very *short* line) that were slowly passing by Snape.
When Sirius appeared before him, the greasy haired Potions Master scowled.
"Hey, Snapey! How ya been?" Sirius chirped annoyingly.
Snape glared at him, "Don't call me that, Black. Now what are you doing here?"
"I'm Hoggy-warty-Hogwarts' first security guard!" Sirius said proudly, puffing out his chest. "I guard the insecure! Guard of the secureness. Security of the guard! Wait... I *am* an insecure guard-"
"Black..."
"- Guard of the security! I guard *their* security! Secure their guardedness! I-"
"BLACK! *Shut. Up.*"
"I am the guard of shutting up! I guard the shut up! Shut up that guard! Shut up *of* the guard! I-"
"Sirius..." Remus warned behind him, pointing to a fuming Snape.
"Oh." Sirius said, "Right. So, you greasy li'l git! What're you doin' this year?"
"I'm the Potions Master, Black. Just as I was last year. *And the year before that. And the year before THAT.*"
"Aww... I bet *that* pissed you off, huh?! Wanted Defense Against the Dark Arts, didn't ya?! Well, HA, HA!"
"JUST GO!" Snape screeched.
"Righto." Sirius said, mock saluting him.
"NEXT." Snape snarled, while muttering, "Stupid Black. Thinks he gets to me with his infernal Dark Arts shots! Psh. Who *is* teaching that this year, anyway? Why, if they were here right now, I'd..." He made a violent gesture with his fist as Remus walked up.
"Uh... Hi, Snape..." Remus stuttered, hearing all of what he said.
"Lupin." Snape said with a sickening sweetness, "Subject?"
"Um... Defense Against the Dark Arts." Remus muttered, preparing to flee.
"I KNEW IT!" Snape shrieked, pointing at him, "I'll kill you, Lupin! I'll kill you!"
"SIRIUS!" Remus yelped, running inside, quickly followed by Snape.
"What?" Sirius asked, poking his head around a corner.
"He's gonna kill us!"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"RUN AWAAAAAAAAAAY!"
They both turned and flew down the corridor, with Snape chasing after them, screeching, "I'll get you!"
Sirius and Remus skidded to a stop at a cross in the corridors.
"That way!" Sirius hissed, pointing down one way.
"NO! *That* way!" Remus countered, pointing in the other.
Sirius growled, "*You* are drunk! And when you are drunk, you-"
"I am *not* drunk!"
"Just run, he's coming!"
"BLACK! LUPIN! I have a little welcome present for you!"
"AHHHHHHHH!" Sirius panicked.
"THAT WAY!" Remus shouted, "To the exit!"
"No, *that way*! To the Great Hall!"
"How about *that way*?!"
"Why, what's that way?"
"Gryffindor Tower."
"Ah. Yes, I concure."
With that, they sprinted all the way to the painting of the Fat Lady, yelling, "SNAPE IS A SLIMY GIT!" (Can you tell who got to make up the password?) and darted inside.
With a yell, Snape skidded face-first into the painting with a crash.
"Phew." Remus said, "Sirius? What the heck were you talking about when you said I was drunk?"
Sirius shrugged, "Really excellent Muggle movie. Willow. You should watch it."
"Ah."
~*~*~ The next day...
The class was in an uproar. By now everyone had heard about Snape's ax- wielding, 'All kill Lupin!' trip and it was all anyone could talk about. (Besides the insanity of the newly appointed Professor Lupin and Mr. Black of course.)
Remus walked in, a huge smile plastered on his face. "Good morning, class!" he chirped.
Everyone went silent immediately. Not only had this class (as Sixth Year Gryffindors) met Lupin three years ago (and he had instantly become their favorite teacher) but, as we said, they had all heard about Snape's murderous rage toward the poor guy. (Anrion: *whispering* Not to mention... they know he's a werewolf! Just thought you should know! Now, on with the story!)
"HI REMUS!" three voices shouted at once.
Remus cleared his throat and coughed, "That's *Professor* to you. Now-"
Harry raised his hand.
"*What* Harry? Honestly, I've been here for thirty seconds! You couldn't possibly have started not paying attention *yet*!"
Harry put down his hand, "Can we call you Professor Moony?"
Remus sighed, "No."
"Professor Remus?" Hermione Granger added.
"No."
"Professor Remmy?" Ron Weasley asked hopefully.
"No."
"Professor Remskie?" Harry asked again.
"I'll *kill* Sirius for telling you about that...."
"The guy who teaches us Defense Against the Dark Arts?" Dean Thomas added helpfully.
"Yes. But not when you're addressing me." Remus smiled, "Now. To start off, we will be learning about-"
"Werewolves!"
"Grims!"
"SNAPE!"
Everyone burst out laughing. Remus chuckled.
"Although, I, myself should take some defense lessons against Professor Snape, we-"
There was a knock on the door.
"Come in." Remus said pleasantly. And a minute later, Sirius's head popped through the door.
"HI SIRIUS!"
Sirius nodded to Harry, Ron and Hermione and walked over to Remus, who cocked an eyebrow.
"What... is *that*?" he asked, pointing to Sirius's clothes. (Sirius is wearing a mall cop outfit -hat included-)
"Oh, this? Just my uniform. See? I got a badge!"
"Right... Now what is it?"
"Uh, do you think I could hang out in here for a while?"
An outburst of 'Yes!' went up at this.
Remus waved his hand for silence. "Do you really think I'm going to let *you* stay in here with all of the, er, shall we say, *potential* items I have in the back?"
"Well, you see, Remmy, I-"
He was cut off by a sudden high-pitched scream, accompanied by an explosion.
Remus narrowed his eyes, glaring at Sirius suspiciously. "What did you *do*?!"
Sirius cringed, "Uh... you see, I kind of *misplaced* a dung bomb next to Filch's office, and, uh... well, you know."
"Sirius..."
"LUPIN!"
Remus shuddered.
"And, that would be the little git now! Have fun Remskie." Sirius said, patting Remus on the back.
"I am going to *kill* you... as soon as I get back." Remus hissed as he walked out the door, "Yes, Argus?"
Sirius turned to the class, grinning, "Alright. Lesson one: Dung bombs are your friend. Lesson two: Toilets put together with dung bombs are even friendlier."
"Sirius." Remus said, sticking his head through the door, "Dumbledore wants us."
"Okay, Remmy!" Sirius waited until Remus disappeared again before turning back to the class, "Lesson three: Always listen to the little leprechaun that tells you to burn things. Lesson four: Slytherins and permanent hot pink hair dye get along very well. Lesson five-"
"SIRIUS!"
"Coming! Well! Why aren't you all copying that down?!" Sirius screeched in his best Snape imitation before running out of the classroom after Remus.
~*~*~ Dumbledore's office...
Sirius and Remus sat down in two chairs in front of Dumbledore's desk.
'Lo Fawkes." Remus said to the phoenix in the corner, which cooed happily back.
Sirius squirmed, "Uh... Dumbledore? When was the last time you got new chairs?"
Dumbledore looked at him sharply, "Why?"
"Well, because I swear these are the same chairs we sat on in here fourth year!"
"How do you know that?"
"Uh... because I carved my name in it.... See?" He pointed to a small carving that spelled out, 'Sirius Black, resident Gryffindor God.'
Remus moaned and slapped his forehead.
"Anyway!" Dumbledore said, choosing to ignore Sirius, "Onward! If my sources are correct, you two are responsible for the blowing up of Mr. Filch's office?"
Remus pointed to Sirius, "IT WAS ALL HIM!"
Sirius glared at him, "What happened to rule number three of the Marauder code?! Never rat out a fellow Marauder!"
"We never made up rules you prat." Remus sighed.
"*I* made up rules!"
"Did you write them out?!"
"Me, use ink, quill and parchment outside of class?!"
"Do you expect me to read your mind, then?!"
"Well... yes!"
"I'm a werewolf, not a physic, twit."
"As I was saying!" Dumbledore interupted, but Remus cut him off again.
"I am *innocent*!"
Sirius snorted.
"WHAT?!"
"A *Marauder*? Innocent? HA!"
Dumbledore sighed, realizing his efforts to be futile, and magically magnified his voice with his wand. Clearing his throat, he said, (loud enough for the entire school to hear) "Attention students, Defense Against the Dark Arts has been canceled for the rest of the day due to- SIRIUS! REMUS! STOP THAT!"
Suddenly, Sirius and Remus's voice sounded, humming the wicked witch theme from the Wizard of Oz.
"GIVE ME THAT WAND!"
Sirius cleared his throat, "Uh... sorry, Headmaster."
"Please continue." Remus added innocently.
~*~*~
"Sirius! Remus!" Harry shouted as the two made their way through the crowd, finally standing before the Gryffindor Sixth Years.
"What did you do?" Ron asked curiously.
"Well, the dung bomb, obviously." Sirius said, "But... there must have been more, I just can't remember.... Let me think."
"Don't hurt yourself." Remus snarled sarcastically.
Hermione piped up, "I know what you did!"
Remus shuddered, ignoring Hermione, "I'm just glad he didn't find out about the love potions in the Slytherin pumpkin juice."
"Love potions in the Slytherin pumpkin juice?" asked Dumbledore's voice behind them.
Remus and Sirius froze, groaning simultaneously, their eyes growing wide. They looked at each other out of the corner of their eyes.
"Run?" Sirius whispered.
"Run." Remus confirmed.
"BYE GUYS!" they shouted together, making a mad dash for the entrance hall.
Dumbledore sighed, following them slowly.
~*~*~
"There's the Lake!" Sirius panted, pointing.
"Why are we going to the Lake?!" Remus asked.
"To swim to safety! DUH!" Sirius said, as though this had been the most obvious thing in the world.
Remus stared at him, but said nothing, just silently following what he had officially declared the insane Padfoot toward the Lake.
"SWAN DIVE!" Sirius crowed, doing a perfect dive right into the "water".
"New invention!" Remus echoed, "WEREWOLF DIVE!"
They both came up spluttering.
"ARRRRRRGH!" Sirius yelled.
"My eyes! MY EYES!" Remus yelped, pawing wildly at his eyes.
"It's... it's..." Sirius started.
"YOGURT!" they shouted together.
"*Now* I remember that big beginning of term prank!" Sirius yelled.
"Too- sticky- can't- turn back-" Remus said, struggling madly.
"We'll have to swim for it!" Sirius said acting frantic, though he looked as if he were having the time of his life.
"It's yogurt, you idiot!"
"I know that! Swim, Moony! Swim like never before!"
They started swimming, slowly. VERY slowly.
"Too thick." Remus panted after a few minutes and two feet worth of what Sirius called "swimming".
"We'll have to eat our way out!" Sirius cried, taking a huge bite of the yogurt. "Ooh! Blueberry!"
"It's strawberry, twit."
"No, it's blueberry!"
"Strawberry! I remember *pulling* this prank! I specifically made sure that all of the yogurts were *strawberry*! I have the lids to prove it!"
Sirius groaned. "Remus, you are the only person I know who would keep a record of what kind of yogurt we used to fill up the Lake."
"Sorry to interrupt this wonderful little conversation Siri, but... I can't help but wonder why the yogurt tastes like blueberry when I *know* we used strawberry."
Sirius groaned, "I don't wanna know."
They had traveled slowly to the other side of the lake by now.
Remus stood up, his face contorted with disgust at being covered in yogurt which they didn't know if it was strawberry or blueberry.
"Can't... go on." Sirius panted pathetically, "I- I'm DROWNING! Go on Moony! Save yourself, swim!"
Remus cocked an eyebrow. "Uh, Sirius?" Sirius stopped flailing and looked up at Remus. "It's three feet deep, Siri."
"Oh." Sirius grinned sheepishly and stood.
They turned, and:
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"What the bloody-?!"
"Sirius, I beg you, don't finish that sentence." Remus pleaded, before turning back to Dumbledore who had just appeared, "How'd you get here before us Professor?"
Dumbledore smiled, "I have my ways. One of them includes WALKING! Isn't that fascinating?"
Remus cocked his head, "Yes, that is quite interesting, as a matter of fact I went on an excellent walk just the other- RUN PADFOOT!"
And back into the lake they dove.
Dumbledore sighed. Then, "NOOOOOOOO!" he cried as the rest of the school came flying out onto the grounds.
"Hey!" Sirius yelled to the students, "Come on in! the yogurt's fine!"
They all stared, but suddenly, a high pitched squeal of delight broke the silence as Snape took a running leap off of the shore with a shout of, "CANNON BALL!"
Sirius and Remus glanced at each other and screamed, "TIDAL WAVE!" Trying desperately to swim in the other direction but failing miserably and being covered in yogurt at Snape's... er... rather *large* splash.
Ten minutes later, pretty much the entire school had poured into the Yogurt Lake.
"Ack!" Sirius yelped, "REMMY! Harry splashed me!"
Remus rolled his eyes, "Don't be a baby Siri, you just splash him back!"
~*~*~
Later that evening, after Remus took a shower to rid himself of all the yogurt. (Which was pretty hard as he was in there after Sirius, who spent a half an hour complaining that "The school doesn't have any shampoo with Leang Leang in it! How is the resident Gryffindor God, Sirius, supposed to keep up his perfect hair trend with YOGURT in it?! Even gods need to use hair care products sometimes, Remmy!" and had used all of the shampoo in the dorm.)
By chance, he happened to look over at the toilet and groaned, "Why... out of seven roommates am I the only one who cares enough to get new toilet paper?!"
And Sirius's voice came floating in through the door, "Because you're the only one who knows how to wipe your own arse, Remmy!"
Remus groaned, "I can't take this! I simply cannot cope! I'm moving in with the girls!" and he ran across the hall to Hermione's dorm, leaving the Sixth Year boys to stare after him.
Remus skidded to a stop, his eyes wide with horror, "It's... it's... PINK!" He held up his hands, weighing his choice, "Pink dorm, can't wipe their own arse, pink dorm, can't wipe their own arse...." He made a face, "I think I can cope with them not wiping their own arse." And he ran back to the male dorm.
"Aw, Remmy." Sirius said sympathetically when he got back, "I'm sorry, I really thought that you had found your true home there."
Remus stared at him for a second, then it clicked, "SIRIUS BLACK!" he screeched, "I AM NEITHER A GIRL, NOR GAY!"
Sirius had time to roll his eyes and say, "*Right*." Before Remus tackled him and the dorm was dragged into the most chaotic pillow fight Hogwarts had seen since the Marauders in all their glory had been there. For Sirius IS the King of Pillow Fights, with Remus as the Prince, and no Gryffindor Sixth Years, no matter how brave, even with the Boy Who Lived in their midst could *possibly* stand up to *that*.
~*~*~
Anrion: I know, I know. That was in all ways completely weird. But I had fun, don't take that away from me! WOO HOO! A LONG chapter! What a rare occurrence... Please R&R!
~*~*~ Chapter Five: Of Greasy Gits, Yoplait Yogurt and Toilet Paper ~*~*~
Sirius stopped dead in his tracks, staring in horror up at the school entrance. "Oh... shazbot."
"SIRIUS!" Remus roared in shock as he ran straight into his friend's back, "When you're going to stop abruptly you could at least tell a guy!" Then he caught sight of what Sirius was looking at. "Uh oh..."
Severus Snape stood by the door to the school with what appeared to be a checklist, stopping the adults that were coming in.
"*McGonagall* did that last time!" Remus hissed.
"I suppose they decided that scaring the living sh-"
"SIRIUS! This is a *school*!"
"Sorry, but I suppose that they decided that scarring everyone for life by looking at Snape before entering the school makes the year less... er... *chaotic*?"
"Perhaps. But I think it's purely for you."
"Shut up."
They continued up to the school and joined the line of adults (a very *short* line) that were slowly passing by Snape.
When Sirius appeared before him, the greasy haired Potions Master scowled.
"Hey, Snapey! How ya been?" Sirius chirped annoyingly.
Snape glared at him, "Don't call me that, Black. Now what are you doing here?"
"I'm Hoggy-warty-Hogwarts' first security guard!" Sirius said proudly, puffing out his chest. "I guard the insecure! Guard of the secureness. Security of the guard! Wait... I *am* an insecure guard-"
"Black..."
"- Guard of the security! I guard *their* security! Secure their guardedness! I-"
"BLACK! *Shut. Up.*"
"I am the guard of shutting up! I guard the shut up! Shut up that guard! Shut up *of* the guard! I-"
"Sirius..." Remus warned behind him, pointing to a fuming Snape.
"Oh." Sirius said, "Right. So, you greasy li'l git! What're you doin' this year?"
"I'm the Potions Master, Black. Just as I was last year. *And the year before that. And the year before THAT.*"
"Aww... I bet *that* pissed you off, huh?! Wanted Defense Against the Dark Arts, didn't ya?! Well, HA, HA!"
"JUST GO!" Snape screeched.
"Righto." Sirius said, mock saluting him.
"NEXT." Snape snarled, while muttering, "Stupid Black. Thinks he gets to me with his infernal Dark Arts shots! Psh. Who *is* teaching that this year, anyway? Why, if they were here right now, I'd..." He made a violent gesture with his fist as Remus walked up.
"Uh... Hi, Snape..." Remus stuttered, hearing all of what he said.
"Lupin." Snape said with a sickening sweetness, "Subject?"
"Um... Defense Against the Dark Arts." Remus muttered, preparing to flee.
"I KNEW IT!" Snape shrieked, pointing at him, "I'll kill you, Lupin! I'll kill you!"
"SIRIUS!" Remus yelped, running inside, quickly followed by Snape.
"What?" Sirius asked, poking his head around a corner.
"He's gonna kill us!"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"RUN AWAAAAAAAAAAY!"
They both turned and flew down the corridor, with Snape chasing after them, screeching, "I'll get you!"
Sirius and Remus skidded to a stop at a cross in the corridors.
"That way!" Sirius hissed, pointing down one way.
"NO! *That* way!" Remus countered, pointing in the other.
Sirius growled, "*You* are drunk! And when you are drunk, you-"
"I am *not* drunk!"
"Just run, he's coming!"
"BLACK! LUPIN! I have a little welcome present for you!"
"AHHHHHHHH!" Sirius panicked.
"THAT WAY!" Remus shouted, "To the exit!"
"No, *that way*! To the Great Hall!"
"How about *that way*?!"
"Why, what's that way?"
"Gryffindor Tower."
"Ah. Yes, I concure."
With that, they sprinted all the way to the painting of the Fat Lady, yelling, "SNAPE IS A SLIMY GIT!" (Can you tell who got to make up the password?) and darted inside.
With a yell, Snape skidded face-first into the painting with a crash.
"Phew." Remus said, "Sirius? What the heck were you talking about when you said I was drunk?"
Sirius shrugged, "Really excellent Muggle movie. Willow. You should watch it."
"Ah."
~*~*~ The next day...
The class was in an uproar. By now everyone had heard about Snape's ax- wielding, 'All kill Lupin!' trip and it was all anyone could talk about. (Besides the insanity of the newly appointed Professor Lupin and Mr. Black of course.)
Remus walked in, a huge smile plastered on his face. "Good morning, class!" he chirped.
Everyone went silent immediately. Not only had this class (as Sixth Year Gryffindors) met Lupin three years ago (and he had instantly become their favorite teacher) but, as we said, they had all heard about Snape's murderous rage toward the poor guy. (Anrion: *whispering* Not to mention... they know he's a werewolf! Just thought you should know! Now, on with the story!)
"HI REMUS!" three voices shouted at once.
Remus cleared his throat and coughed, "That's *Professor* to you. Now-"
Harry raised his hand.
"*What* Harry? Honestly, I've been here for thirty seconds! You couldn't possibly have started not paying attention *yet*!"
Harry put down his hand, "Can we call you Professor Moony?"
Remus sighed, "No."
"Professor Remus?" Hermione Granger added.
"No."
"Professor Remmy?" Ron Weasley asked hopefully.
"No."
"Professor Remskie?" Harry asked again.
"I'll *kill* Sirius for telling you about that...."
"The guy who teaches us Defense Against the Dark Arts?" Dean Thomas added helpfully.
"Yes. But not when you're addressing me." Remus smiled, "Now. To start off, we will be learning about-"
"Werewolves!"
"Grims!"
"SNAPE!"
Everyone burst out laughing. Remus chuckled.
"Although, I, myself should take some defense lessons against Professor Snape, we-"
There was a knock on the door.
"Come in." Remus said pleasantly. And a minute later, Sirius's head popped through the door.
"HI SIRIUS!"
Sirius nodded to Harry, Ron and Hermione and walked over to Remus, who cocked an eyebrow.
"What... is *that*?" he asked, pointing to Sirius's clothes. (Sirius is wearing a mall cop outfit -hat included-)
"Oh, this? Just my uniform. See? I got a badge!"
"Right... Now what is it?"
"Uh, do you think I could hang out in here for a while?"
An outburst of 'Yes!' went up at this.
Remus waved his hand for silence. "Do you really think I'm going to let *you* stay in here with all of the, er, shall we say, *potential* items I have in the back?"
"Well, you see, Remmy, I-"
He was cut off by a sudden high-pitched scream, accompanied by an explosion.
Remus narrowed his eyes, glaring at Sirius suspiciously. "What did you *do*?!"
Sirius cringed, "Uh... you see, I kind of *misplaced* a dung bomb next to Filch's office, and, uh... well, you know."
"Sirius..."
"LUPIN!"
Remus shuddered.
"And, that would be the little git now! Have fun Remskie." Sirius said, patting Remus on the back.
"I am going to *kill* you... as soon as I get back." Remus hissed as he walked out the door, "Yes, Argus?"
Sirius turned to the class, grinning, "Alright. Lesson one: Dung bombs are your friend. Lesson two: Toilets put together with dung bombs are even friendlier."
"Sirius." Remus said, sticking his head through the door, "Dumbledore wants us."
"Okay, Remmy!" Sirius waited until Remus disappeared again before turning back to the class, "Lesson three: Always listen to the little leprechaun that tells you to burn things. Lesson four: Slytherins and permanent hot pink hair dye get along very well. Lesson five-"
"SIRIUS!"
"Coming! Well! Why aren't you all copying that down?!" Sirius screeched in his best Snape imitation before running out of the classroom after Remus.
~*~*~ Dumbledore's office...
Sirius and Remus sat down in two chairs in front of Dumbledore's desk.
'Lo Fawkes." Remus said to the phoenix in the corner, which cooed happily back.
Sirius squirmed, "Uh... Dumbledore? When was the last time you got new chairs?"
Dumbledore looked at him sharply, "Why?"
"Well, because I swear these are the same chairs we sat on in here fourth year!"
"How do you know that?"
"Uh... because I carved my name in it.... See?" He pointed to a small carving that spelled out, 'Sirius Black, resident Gryffindor God.'
Remus moaned and slapped his forehead.
"Anyway!" Dumbledore said, choosing to ignore Sirius, "Onward! If my sources are correct, you two are responsible for the blowing up of Mr. Filch's office?"
Remus pointed to Sirius, "IT WAS ALL HIM!"
Sirius glared at him, "What happened to rule number three of the Marauder code?! Never rat out a fellow Marauder!"
"We never made up rules you prat." Remus sighed.
"*I* made up rules!"
"Did you write them out?!"
"Me, use ink, quill and parchment outside of class?!"
"Do you expect me to read your mind, then?!"
"Well... yes!"
"I'm a werewolf, not a physic, twit."
"As I was saying!" Dumbledore interupted, but Remus cut him off again.
"I am *innocent*!"
Sirius snorted.
"WHAT?!"
"A *Marauder*? Innocent? HA!"
Dumbledore sighed, realizing his efforts to be futile, and magically magnified his voice with his wand. Clearing his throat, he said, (loud enough for the entire school to hear) "Attention students, Defense Against the Dark Arts has been canceled for the rest of the day due to- SIRIUS! REMUS! STOP THAT!"
Suddenly, Sirius and Remus's voice sounded, humming the wicked witch theme from the Wizard of Oz.
"GIVE ME THAT WAND!"
Sirius cleared his throat, "Uh... sorry, Headmaster."
"Please continue." Remus added innocently.
~*~*~
"Sirius! Remus!" Harry shouted as the two made their way through the crowd, finally standing before the Gryffindor Sixth Years.
"What did you do?" Ron asked curiously.
"Well, the dung bomb, obviously." Sirius said, "But... there must have been more, I just can't remember.... Let me think."
"Don't hurt yourself." Remus snarled sarcastically.
Hermione piped up, "I know what you did!"
Remus shuddered, ignoring Hermione, "I'm just glad he didn't find out about the love potions in the Slytherin pumpkin juice."
"Love potions in the Slytherin pumpkin juice?" asked Dumbledore's voice behind them.
Remus and Sirius froze, groaning simultaneously, their eyes growing wide. They looked at each other out of the corner of their eyes.
"Run?" Sirius whispered.
"Run." Remus confirmed.
"BYE GUYS!" they shouted together, making a mad dash for the entrance hall.
Dumbledore sighed, following them slowly.
~*~*~
"There's the Lake!" Sirius panted, pointing.
"Why are we going to the Lake?!" Remus asked.
"To swim to safety! DUH!" Sirius said, as though this had been the most obvious thing in the world.
Remus stared at him, but said nothing, just silently following what he had officially declared the insane Padfoot toward the Lake.
"SWAN DIVE!" Sirius crowed, doing a perfect dive right into the "water".
"New invention!" Remus echoed, "WEREWOLF DIVE!"
They both came up spluttering.
"ARRRRRRGH!" Sirius yelled.
"My eyes! MY EYES!" Remus yelped, pawing wildly at his eyes.
"It's... it's..." Sirius started.
"YOGURT!" they shouted together.
"*Now* I remember that big beginning of term prank!" Sirius yelled.
"Too- sticky- can't- turn back-" Remus said, struggling madly.
"We'll have to swim for it!" Sirius said acting frantic, though he looked as if he were having the time of his life.
"It's yogurt, you idiot!"
"I know that! Swim, Moony! Swim like never before!"
They started swimming, slowly. VERY slowly.
"Too thick." Remus panted after a few minutes and two feet worth of what Sirius called "swimming".
"We'll have to eat our way out!" Sirius cried, taking a huge bite of the yogurt. "Ooh! Blueberry!"
"It's strawberry, twit."
"No, it's blueberry!"
"Strawberry! I remember *pulling* this prank! I specifically made sure that all of the yogurts were *strawberry*! I have the lids to prove it!"
Sirius groaned. "Remus, you are the only person I know who would keep a record of what kind of yogurt we used to fill up the Lake."
"Sorry to interrupt this wonderful little conversation Siri, but... I can't help but wonder why the yogurt tastes like blueberry when I *know* we used strawberry."
Sirius groaned, "I don't wanna know."
They had traveled slowly to the other side of the lake by now.
Remus stood up, his face contorted with disgust at being covered in yogurt which they didn't know if it was strawberry or blueberry.
"Can't... go on." Sirius panted pathetically, "I- I'm DROWNING! Go on Moony! Save yourself, swim!"
Remus cocked an eyebrow. "Uh, Sirius?" Sirius stopped flailing and looked up at Remus. "It's three feet deep, Siri."
"Oh." Sirius grinned sheepishly and stood.
They turned, and:
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"What the bloody-?!"
"Sirius, I beg you, don't finish that sentence." Remus pleaded, before turning back to Dumbledore who had just appeared, "How'd you get here before us Professor?"
Dumbledore smiled, "I have my ways. One of them includes WALKING! Isn't that fascinating?"
Remus cocked his head, "Yes, that is quite interesting, as a matter of fact I went on an excellent walk just the other- RUN PADFOOT!"
And back into the lake they dove.
Dumbledore sighed. Then, "NOOOOOOOO!" he cried as the rest of the school came flying out onto the grounds.
"Hey!" Sirius yelled to the students, "Come on in! the yogurt's fine!"
They all stared, but suddenly, a high pitched squeal of delight broke the silence as Snape took a running leap off of the shore with a shout of, "CANNON BALL!"
Sirius and Remus glanced at each other and screamed, "TIDAL WAVE!" Trying desperately to swim in the other direction but failing miserably and being covered in yogurt at Snape's... er... rather *large* splash.
Ten minutes later, pretty much the entire school had poured into the Yogurt Lake.
"Ack!" Sirius yelped, "REMMY! Harry splashed me!"
Remus rolled his eyes, "Don't be a baby Siri, you just splash him back!"
~*~*~
Later that evening, after Remus took a shower to rid himself of all the yogurt. (Which was pretty hard as he was in there after Sirius, who spent a half an hour complaining that "The school doesn't have any shampoo with Leang Leang in it! How is the resident Gryffindor God, Sirius, supposed to keep up his perfect hair trend with YOGURT in it?! Even gods need to use hair care products sometimes, Remmy!" and had used all of the shampoo in the dorm.)
By chance, he happened to look over at the toilet and groaned, "Why... out of seven roommates am I the only one who cares enough to get new toilet paper?!"
And Sirius's voice came floating in through the door, "Because you're the only one who knows how to wipe your own arse, Remmy!"
Remus groaned, "I can't take this! I simply cannot cope! I'm moving in with the girls!" and he ran across the hall to Hermione's dorm, leaving the Sixth Year boys to stare after him.
Remus skidded to a stop, his eyes wide with horror, "It's... it's... PINK!" He held up his hands, weighing his choice, "Pink dorm, can't wipe their own arse, pink dorm, can't wipe their own arse...." He made a face, "I think I can cope with them not wiping their own arse." And he ran back to the male dorm.
"Aw, Remmy." Sirius said sympathetically when he got back, "I'm sorry, I really thought that you had found your true home there."
Remus stared at him for a second, then it clicked, "SIRIUS BLACK!" he screeched, "I AM NEITHER A GIRL, NOR GAY!"
Sirius had time to roll his eyes and say, "*Right*." Before Remus tackled him and the dorm was dragged into the most chaotic pillow fight Hogwarts had seen since the Marauders in all their glory had been there. For Sirius IS the King of Pillow Fights, with Remus as the Prince, and no Gryffindor Sixth Years, no matter how brave, even with the Boy Who Lived in their midst could *possibly* stand up to *that*.
~*~*~
Anrion: I know, I know. That was in all ways completely weird. But I had fun, don't take that away from me! WOO HOO! A LONG chapter! What a rare occurrence... Please R&R!