DISCLAIMER: We are the almighty authors of Harry Potter! Bow before us!
Yes, I said we. Not one! Not three! But two. Yea, who are we kidding? We
own nothing but the plot we have yet to develop!
A/N: Sorry it has taken so long for me to write this chapter! I'm hoping it makes up for itself! And, to all those who bugged poor little Anrion about this chapter, look for nothing but coal in your stalking! You nearly drove Anrion to the point of killing me, and then you never would have gotten this chapter in the first place! ~Sanaria (Ashen)
~*~*~ Chapter Six: Just Like Peter Pan ~*~*~
The first week of school passed without any major explosions. (Major being, no body parts were lost and no one was sent to the Hospital Wing in a matchbox.) There, of course, were a few minor explosions that took place in the dungeons. (Dumbledore had conveniently forgotten to tell Sirius where the Slytherin common room was and Siri had decided that blasting a few walls would help to find it.) In which case, Remus had to be called up to Dumbledore's office several times during the week to clarify that Sirius was indeed not crazy and should not be shipped over-night to St. Mungos. This left Remus in a rather foul mood, which he took out upon some of the . . . err . . . lesser liked students.
"Now, open your textbooks to page 1,285 and we will begin to learn about Erklings." Remus said as he sat at his desk rubbing his temples. He looked like he needed a long weekend to just relax. Harry of course knew it was impossible, as to the fact that the first full moon of the school year was on Sunday. (Sirius would be taking over the class on Monday while Remus recuperated.)
"Now, Erklings are described as elfish creatures. They originated in the Black Forest of Germany. They are larger than gnomes and quite a deal more dangerous. Most Erklings have pointed faces and a high-pitched crackel that is rather entrancing to young children. They will take a young one away from their guardians and eat them. But there have been a few reports of Erklings taking children into the forest and making flower necklaces with them and braiding each other's hair . . . yes . . . well we wonder about that Erkling. Anywho . . ." Remus said abruptly to change the subject. "I have a few Erklings with me here today and we will be practicing 'rictuesempra' upon them. Please break up into groups of four." Remus instructed. He went over to his desk and sat down, resting his head on his arm. He had almost fallen asleep, despite that fact that he was supposed to be teaching, when he heard a loud boom. His head shot up as Sirius ran through the door and shut it quickly behind him.
"What have you done this time Sirius?" Remus asked. Sirius looked down at his shuffling shoes. "Sirius!" Remus stood up and approached his friend.
"Well, I had thought I had finally found the entrance to the Slytherin common room, you know, the picture of the Goober the Goblin. Well, it turns out that was the entrance to Snape's bedroom." Sirius said while scratching his head. Remus looked as though Christmas had come early.
"You found the entrance to Snape's room?" Rmus asked, his eyes glinting mischievously. Sirius nodded, waiting to be yelled at once more. But it never came. Instead Remus started whispering hurriedly in Sirius' ear. Sirius' face lit up as he nodded.
"I'll be back in a few minutes!" He shouted as he dashed out of the classroom. Harry, Ron, and Hermione turned towards one another and exchanged worried glances. Remus began pacing, but soon remembered he had a class, so he distributed an Erkling to each group to practice on. He now seemed wide awake.
"Now class, remember the swish and flick!" Remus demonstrated for them. An Erkling charged Hermione and she shouted 'rictusempra' sending it flying in a nearby wall.
"Wicked!" Ron shouted as he watched the Erkling smash into the wall. Harry looked at Ron and grinned.
"Alright, your turn," Hermione said to Neville, the fourth person in her group. Neville watched the Erkling get up from the floor, a little dizzy, and shake off the remnants of Hermione's spell. Neville let out a squeal as the Erkling came charging at him. He stumbled and fell to the ground. The Erkling jumped on him and began to bounce up and down like he was on a trampoline. Neville panicked and shouted the spell, sending the Erkling flying off of him and shattering the window on the door leading into the hall. The Erkling brushed the glass off of himself, squealed with delight and dashed off down the hallway. Everyone stared stupidly at the door none daring to move.
"Harry! Go get Dumbledore! Tell him quickly!" Remus shouted as he ran around the room grabbing equipment. Harry raced out of the room, heading for Dumbledore's office. Everyone, realizing the situation, broke into hysterics. Lavender began running around the room shrieking, while Neville just fainted. Dean was trying to comfort all the girls saying something to the effect of 'Don't worry, I'll protect you all. Me and my handy-dandy wand will keep us all safe!' Remus came to a skidding halt in the front of the classroom. He took in all the shouting and hysterics.
"That's enough! Everyone quite down!" He shouted to the Hufflepuffs and Gryffindors who were in the classroom. No one heard him.
"Clam down! Everything will be fine!" He shouted again. The shouting just increased. Remus threw a glass jar at the far wall and it shattered, silencing everyone.
"Shut up! Don't piss me off!" Remus shouted at all the students, who had stopped in the middle of what they were doing to look at him. "Now find a seat! Sit and be quite! As long as we remain calm we will be fine!" Remus heard a shuffle of feet at the door (somehow when the Erkling flew out of the room, the door had opened) and looked over to find Draco Malfoy staring at him as if he were crazy. This of course only made him angrier. He pointed at Draco.
"You! In the closet!" He shouted, pointing to a closet in the back of his classroom. Draco looked from Remus to the closet.
"But I'm not even in your class!" Draco exclaimed. Remus stomped his foot.
"In the closet! NOW!" He shouted again. Draco drew himself up to his full height.
"I'm a Malfoy! You can't make me!" Draco shouted back. Remus cocked his eyebrows and drew out his wand.
"Wingardium leviosa!" Remus whispered and Draco slowly rose into the air. The class gasped.
"Note to self, never piss off a werewolf!" Ron muttered to himself and Hermione. Hermione nodded.
"Wow! I'm just like that Muggle fairy tale character, Peter Pan! Except without the tights of course!" Draco exclaimed as he flew over the classes' heads. Sirius raced into the classroom carrying a large burlap sack over his shoulders. In hearing what Draco said, he pulled out his wand.
"I can fix that!" He said as he pointed his wand at Draco and muttered something. Suddenly Draco had on green tights. Sirius smiled at his own handy-work.
"Hey! I'm just like Peter Pan . . . and I'm flying into the closet?!?! Oh sh-" Draco shouted as he crashed into the closet and the doors shut, leaving him in darkness. Remus and Sirius turned and grinned at each other. (Suddenly the authors of this fanfiction run into the classroom. Sanaria sees the closet and screams. "No! We could have saved him! If only you had followed my directions and took the right instead on the left!" Anrion shrugged. Sanaria raced up to Remus and grabbed his wand hand. "Release Draco!" she shouted to Remus. "No! Why would we?" Sirius answered. Sanaria began to whack Remus repeatedly with his own hand. "Stop hitting yourself Remus! Stop hitting yourself!" Sanaria shouted at him. Remus looked surprised and Sirius couldn't help but snicker. "Oww! Could you . . . please . . . don't do that . . . but . . . OWWW!" Remus shouted. Anrion, noticing Remus was in trouble and was being hit (weakly might I add) by his own wand, dashed to Sanaria and yanked her away from Remus, sending her flying into Sirius. Anrion asked if he was alright, which he said he was, so she turned around to yell at Sanaria. "Wow! You look exactly like me! Except different!" Sanaria said to Sirius. Anrion shook her head and brought her hand up to block out the stupidity in front of her. Little did she know it was about to get stupider. "I know what you mean! You look exactly like me too! Except different! That was so deep!" Sirius said to Sanaria. They both stared at each other for another few seconds wearing goofy smiles, before they realized that everyone was watching them. "Well, umm, back to the problem at hand! Release Draco!" Sanaria shouted to Remus. "Ahh, Sanaria?!?!" Anrion said, getting her attention. "We are the writers! We could just write him out of there!" Anrion stated as if it were the most obvious thing in the world (which it is, but I'm writing this, not Anrion! Where Anrion (who had to add this in) says, "SHUT UP YOU PRAT!") "Well, why didn't you say anything?!?!" Sanaria shouted. Anrion shrugged once more. "It's just so fun to see you make a fool of yourself!" Anrion admitted with a giggle. Sanaria rolled her eyes. "So... where are you from?" Remus asked. Anrion turned to look at him with starry eyes, "We're from Chatfield!" "What is this Chatfield you speak of? It intrigues me..." Remus looked (as he said) intrigued. "It's in Colorado..." "Um..." Anrion smacked her forehead in annoyance. Meanwhile, Sirius and Sanaria were in a very heated debate about which Lord of the Rings character was cooler: Aragorn or Eowyn. "Eowyn!" Sanaria shouted. "Aragorn!" Sirius bellowed. "Eowyn!" "Aragorn!" "Eowyn!" "Aragorn!" Anrion was getting annoyed, so she latched onto Sanaria's shirt. "Come on! Let's go and finish writing this chapter!" she said as she pulled Sanaria out of the classroom. Halfway down the hall, Sanaria turned around and yelled "I'll be watching you!" In the classroom everyone turned to someone else and asked the same question, "What just happened?" Remus turned to Sirius. "Who ever thought someone would actually want to SAVE Draco? Hmmm. Weird!" Sirius nodded in agreement. Hermione overheard them and blushed.
Meanwhile, back at Sanaria's house, she erases this scene from the story. Never to be seen or read again. Little does she know, the Erkling has found its way into her house and pasted it back on for shits and giggles! Mwhahahaha!)
AND NOW BACK TO THE ACTUAL STORY:
"Well, I got the stuff! You ready?" Sirius asked as he held out the burlap sack. Remus sighed.
"Nope, can't. We have an Erkling on the loose." He stated. Sirius snapped his fingers in disappointment.
"Wait! Did you just say we have an Erkling on the loose?!?! Well, it looks like a job for Hogwarts' security guard! Onward!" Sirius shouted as he dashed (once again) out of the room. Remus breathed a deeper sigh.
"Better make sure he doesn't get himself killed." Remus said as he started walking toward the classroom door. "Oh, and class! Put the rest of the Erklings back into the cage." He said as he left the room.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Sanaria: Well, what did you think?
Anrion: I happen to like the part where the part of the story where you make a complete ass of yourself!
Sanaria: Yea . . . I'm sure you do.
Anrion: I mean . . . that was sad!
Sanaria: Just you wait . . . I'll be writing chapter 8!
Sirius: Hey! That rhymed!
Erkling: *Appears out of nowhere*
Sirius: Wow! Aren't you just the cutest thing! *Begins to stroke Erkling*
Erkling: *Bites Sirius and laughs*
Sirius: Why you little!!!! Quick, give me something to hit it with!
Remus: *Hands Sirius a cartoon mallet* Knock yourself out!
Erkling: Please Review! (Insert crazy laugh here)
Sanaria, Anrion, Sirius, Remus, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Draco, Erkling, and Lucius (who is brushing his teeth... as always!): Happy Holidays!!!!!!
Stay tuned for Chapter Seven: Howlers: An Important Part of a Balanced Hogwarts Breakfast. DUN DUN DUN!
A/N: Sorry it has taken so long for me to write this chapter! I'm hoping it makes up for itself! And, to all those who bugged poor little Anrion about this chapter, look for nothing but coal in your stalking! You nearly drove Anrion to the point of killing me, and then you never would have gotten this chapter in the first place! ~Sanaria (Ashen)
~*~*~ Chapter Six: Just Like Peter Pan ~*~*~
The first week of school passed without any major explosions. (Major being, no body parts were lost and no one was sent to the Hospital Wing in a matchbox.) There, of course, were a few minor explosions that took place in the dungeons. (Dumbledore had conveniently forgotten to tell Sirius where the Slytherin common room was and Siri had decided that blasting a few walls would help to find it.) In which case, Remus had to be called up to Dumbledore's office several times during the week to clarify that Sirius was indeed not crazy and should not be shipped over-night to St. Mungos. This left Remus in a rather foul mood, which he took out upon some of the . . . err . . . lesser liked students.
"Now, open your textbooks to page 1,285 and we will begin to learn about Erklings." Remus said as he sat at his desk rubbing his temples. He looked like he needed a long weekend to just relax. Harry of course knew it was impossible, as to the fact that the first full moon of the school year was on Sunday. (Sirius would be taking over the class on Monday while Remus recuperated.)
"Now, Erklings are described as elfish creatures. They originated in the Black Forest of Germany. They are larger than gnomes and quite a deal more dangerous. Most Erklings have pointed faces and a high-pitched crackel that is rather entrancing to young children. They will take a young one away from their guardians and eat them. But there have been a few reports of Erklings taking children into the forest and making flower necklaces with them and braiding each other's hair . . . yes . . . well we wonder about that Erkling. Anywho . . ." Remus said abruptly to change the subject. "I have a few Erklings with me here today and we will be practicing 'rictuesempra' upon them. Please break up into groups of four." Remus instructed. He went over to his desk and sat down, resting his head on his arm. He had almost fallen asleep, despite that fact that he was supposed to be teaching, when he heard a loud boom. His head shot up as Sirius ran through the door and shut it quickly behind him.
"What have you done this time Sirius?" Remus asked. Sirius looked down at his shuffling shoes. "Sirius!" Remus stood up and approached his friend.
"Well, I had thought I had finally found the entrance to the Slytherin common room, you know, the picture of the Goober the Goblin. Well, it turns out that was the entrance to Snape's bedroom." Sirius said while scratching his head. Remus looked as though Christmas had come early.
"You found the entrance to Snape's room?" Rmus asked, his eyes glinting mischievously. Sirius nodded, waiting to be yelled at once more. But it never came. Instead Remus started whispering hurriedly in Sirius' ear. Sirius' face lit up as he nodded.
"I'll be back in a few minutes!" He shouted as he dashed out of the classroom. Harry, Ron, and Hermione turned towards one another and exchanged worried glances. Remus began pacing, but soon remembered he had a class, so he distributed an Erkling to each group to practice on. He now seemed wide awake.
"Now class, remember the swish and flick!" Remus demonstrated for them. An Erkling charged Hermione and she shouted 'rictusempra' sending it flying in a nearby wall.
"Wicked!" Ron shouted as he watched the Erkling smash into the wall. Harry looked at Ron and grinned.
"Alright, your turn," Hermione said to Neville, the fourth person in her group. Neville watched the Erkling get up from the floor, a little dizzy, and shake off the remnants of Hermione's spell. Neville let out a squeal as the Erkling came charging at him. He stumbled and fell to the ground. The Erkling jumped on him and began to bounce up and down like he was on a trampoline. Neville panicked and shouted the spell, sending the Erkling flying off of him and shattering the window on the door leading into the hall. The Erkling brushed the glass off of himself, squealed with delight and dashed off down the hallway. Everyone stared stupidly at the door none daring to move.
"Harry! Go get Dumbledore! Tell him quickly!" Remus shouted as he ran around the room grabbing equipment. Harry raced out of the room, heading for Dumbledore's office. Everyone, realizing the situation, broke into hysterics. Lavender began running around the room shrieking, while Neville just fainted. Dean was trying to comfort all the girls saying something to the effect of 'Don't worry, I'll protect you all. Me and my handy-dandy wand will keep us all safe!' Remus came to a skidding halt in the front of the classroom. He took in all the shouting and hysterics.
"That's enough! Everyone quite down!" He shouted to the Hufflepuffs and Gryffindors who were in the classroom. No one heard him.
"Clam down! Everything will be fine!" He shouted again. The shouting just increased. Remus threw a glass jar at the far wall and it shattered, silencing everyone.
"Shut up! Don't piss me off!" Remus shouted at all the students, who had stopped in the middle of what they were doing to look at him. "Now find a seat! Sit and be quite! As long as we remain calm we will be fine!" Remus heard a shuffle of feet at the door (somehow when the Erkling flew out of the room, the door had opened) and looked over to find Draco Malfoy staring at him as if he were crazy. This of course only made him angrier. He pointed at Draco.
"You! In the closet!" He shouted, pointing to a closet in the back of his classroom. Draco looked from Remus to the closet.
"But I'm not even in your class!" Draco exclaimed. Remus stomped his foot.
"In the closet! NOW!" He shouted again. Draco drew himself up to his full height.
"I'm a Malfoy! You can't make me!" Draco shouted back. Remus cocked his eyebrows and drew out his wand.
"Wingardium leviosa!" Remus whispered and Draco slowly rose into the air. The class gasped.
"Note to self, never piss off a werewolf!" Ron muttered to himself and Hermione. Hermione nodded.
"Wow! I'm just like that Muggle fairy tale character, Peter Pan! Except without the tights of course!" Draco exclaimed as he flew over the classes' heads. Sirius raced into the classroom carrying a large burlap sack over his shoulders. In hearing what Draco said, he pulled out his wand.
"I can fix that!" He said as he pointed his wand at Draco and muttered something. Suddenly Draco had on green tights. Sirius smiled at his own handy-work.
"Hey! I'm just like Peter Pan . . . and I'm flying into the closet?!?! Oh sh-" Draco shouted as he crashed into the closet and the doors shut, leaving him in darkness. Remus and Sirius turned and grinned at each other. (Suddenly the authors of this fanfiction run into the classroom. Sanaria sees the closet and screams. "No! We could have saved him! If only you had followed my directions and took the right instead on the left!" Anrion shrugged. Sanaria raced up to Remus and grabbed his wand hand. "Release Draco!" she shouted to Remus. "No! Why would we?" Sirius answered. Sanaria began to whack Remus repeatedly with his own hand. "Stop hitting yourself Remus! Stop hitting yourself!" Sanaria shouted at him. Remus looked surprised and Sirius couldn't help but snicker. "Oww! Could you . . . please . . . don't do that . . . but . . . OWWW!" Remus shouted. Anrion, noticing Remus was in trouble and was being hit (weakly might I add) by his own wand, dashed to Sanaria and yanked her away from Remus, sending her flying into Sirius. Anrion asked if he was alright, which he said he was, so she turned around to yell at Sanaria. "Wow! You look exactly like me! Except different!" Sanaria said to Sirius. Anrion shook her head and brought her hand up to block out the stupidity in front of her. Little did she know it was about to get stupider. "I know what you mean! You look exactly like me too! Except different! That was so deep!" Sirius said to Sanaria. They both stared at each other for another few seconds wearing goofy smiles, before they realized that everyone was watching them. "Well, umm, back to the problem at hand! Release Draco!" Sanaria shouted to Remus. "Ahh, Sanaria?!?!" Anrion said, getting her attention. "We are the writers! We could just write him out of there!" Anrion stated as if it were the most obvious thing in the world (which it is, but I'm writing this, not Anrion! Where Anrion (who had to add this in) says, "SHUT UP YOU PRAT!") "Well, why didn't you say anything?!?!" Sanaria shouted. Anrion shrugged once more. "It's just so fun to see you make a fool of yourself!" Anrion admitted with a giggle. Sanaria rolled her eyes. "So... where are you from?" Remus asked. Anrion turned to look at him with starry eyes, "We're from Chatfield!" "What is this Chatfield you speak of? It intrigues me..." Remus looked (as he said) intrigued. "It's in Colorado..." "Um..." Anrion smacked her forehead in annoyance. Meanwhile, Sirius and Sanaria were in a very heated debate about which Lord of the Rings character was cooler: Aragorn or Eowyn. "Eowyn!" Sanaria shouted. "Aragorn!" Sirius bellowed. "Eowyn!" "Aragorn!" "Eowyn!" "Aragorn!" Anrion was getting annoyed, so she latched onto Sanaria's shirt. "Come on! Let's go and finish writing this chapter!" she said as she pulled Sanaria out of the classroom. Halfway down the hall, Sanaria turned around and yelled "I'll be watching you!" In the classroom everyone turned to someone else and asked the same question, "What just happened?" Remus turned to Sirius. "Who ever thought someone would actually want to SAVE Draco? Hmmm. Weird!" Sirius nodded in agreement. Hermione overheard them and blushed.
Meanwhile, back at Sanaria's house, she erases this scene from the story. Never to be seen or read again. Little does she know, the Erkling has found its way into her house and pasted it back on for shits and giggles! Mwhahahaha!)
AND NOW BACK TO THE ACTUAL STORY:
"Well, I got the stuff! You ready?" Sirius asked as he held out the burlap sack. Remus sighed.
"Nope, can't. We have an Erkling on the loose." He stated. Sirius snapped his fingers in disappointment.
"Wait! Did you just say we have an Erkling on the loose?!?! Well, it looks like a job for Hogwarts' security guard! Onward!" Sirius shouted as he dashed (once again) out of the room. Remus breathed a deeper sigh.
"Better make sure he doesn't get himself killed." Remus said as he started walking toward the classroom door. "Oh, and class! Put the rest of the Erklings back into the cage." He said as he left the room.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Sanaria: Well, what did you think?
Anrion: I happen to like the part where the part of the story where you make a complete ass of yourself!
Sanaria: Yea . . . I'm sure you do.
Anrion: I mean . . . that was sad!
Sanaria: Just you wait . . . I'll be writing chapter 8!
Sirius: Hey! That rhymed!
Erkling: *Appears out of nowhere*
Sirius: Wow! Aren't you just the cutest thing! *Begins to stroke Erkling*
Erkling: *Bites Sirius and laughs*
Sirius: Why you little!!!! Quick, give me something to hit it with!
Remus: *Hands Sirius a cartoon mallet* Knock yourself out!
Erkling: Please Review! (Insert crazy laugh here)
Sanaria, Anrion, Sirius, Remus, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Draco, Erkling, and Lucius (who is brushing his teeth... as always!): Happy Holidays!!!!!!
Stay tuned for Chapter Seven: Howlers: An Important Part of a Balanced Hogwarts Breakfast. DUN DUN DUN!