~*~*~ Chapter Eleven: The Confessions of Neville Long Bottom, the Remus Twins and Tig~*~*~
"It was horrible!" Neville wailed, taking the pumpkin juice that Ron offered him as Harry patted his back sympathetically, "I've never been so afraid! I thought it would make me popular! Not start a stampede of girls that would end up completely trampling me!"
Remus piped up from the doorway, "Neville, it wasn't YOU the rabid fan girls were chasing. It was Orlando Bloom."
Neville sniffed, looking up at his DADA teacher with wide, frightened eyes. "No, Professor Lupin, you don't understand. That was ME. I transfigured myself to look like him when I saw a bunch of girls swooning over his picture in the Common Room."
Remus and Sirius smirked at each other. Poor Neville.
"Well, Padfoot, at least you don't have to worry about losing your fan girls!"
The words had no sooner left his mouth than the door to the dorm swung open, a blur had sped in and the door slammed again, with a panting young man leaning against it, keeping it firmly shut.
"I say," Sirius said, stepping closer, "Are you alright? What are you running from?"
The other man glared at him, frantically pressing his finger to his lips and shushing him. Everyone in the dorm silenced and stared at the door. There was a sudden pounding, accompanied by high pitched squeals of, "Oh my gaw! He is sooooooo hot!", "Open up, Orli! We know you're in there!", and "Is it really him?! Oh, my cookies!!"
"Please!" the guy at the door cried frantically, "Can any of you lock it?!"
Everyone in the room quickly took out their wands and waved them at the door. The man stepped away from the door with a sigh of relief and slumped to the floor, sitting down and rocking back and forth fearfully.
Taking a good look at the other man, Remus turned to Neville. "Alright, who else was with you when you decided to do the transfiguration?"
"What's a transfiguration?" came a confused voice from the floor.
Sirius smirked, glancing from the man near his feet to Remus. "Rem, I think this is the real one this time."
"Real one?!" the man shot to his feet indignantly, "I'm Orlando Bloom! Please don't tell me people've been impersonating me!"
Remus shook his head with a grin. "What are you doing here Orlando?"
Orlando looked up at Remus, brown eyes wide in shock, "I dunno. I was at my house, building a perfectly good fort in the living room with my bud Andre, when these two girls showed up at the door. They grinned, took out these stick things and poof! I was here."
Sirius and Remus looked at each other and nodded knowingly. Sanaria and Anrion had been on the prowl again. "Yay!" they both grinned evilly, "More pranks!"
"Ah, don't worry, Orlando," Sirius said, walking up and draping an arm over the actor's shoulders, "We'll get those two out here as soon as possible and get you sent home. We can't let you steal my fan club now."
Orlando cocked an eyebrow. "Fan club? You?! Psh! You're an old fart!"
The Gryffindor Sixth Years burst into gales of laughter, every once and a while simmering down enough to say, "Goodbye, Mr. Bloom!"
Sirius glowered for a minute, before grinning good-naturedly, "Ah, you're new here, so the Gryffindor God'll cut you some slack."
"Er. . . thanks. I guess. So what're we gonna do about that?" He nodded toward the door, where they could still hear the sound of frantic swooning.
"Wait 'em out." Remus said with a shrug, "So. . . Orlando, ever heard of exploding snap?" He and Sirius grinned at each other.
"No, but I never back down from a challenge!" Orlando said with a grin, cracking his knuckles in anticipation.
"I was counting on that." Sirius said with an evil smirk.
~*~*~
"So, whatever happened to James' ghost?" Remus asked as he and Sirius wandered aimlessly about the castle.
Sirius shrugged, "I saw him the other day, but he kinda walked through a wall, and. . . as you know. . . I can't do that."
"But--"
"I know, I know. I'm god. But even *I* have my limitations! The deities are still solid, you know!"
Remus rolled his eyes. "Listen, I gotta go, almost time for class. But before I leave, I have wonderful, fantastic, GREAT news!" His eyes started glowing and his face split into a huge grin.
Sirius jumped up and down, clapping his hands together. "What?! Oh, please, DO tell!"
"Trelawney got fired!"
The two stood still for a moment, then clasped hands and jumped up and down, squealing excitedly.
"Why? When? HOW?" Sirius asked breathlessly, trying to smooth out his hair.
"Dumbledore got tired of her always making false predictions and scaring the crap out of the students. Besides, I think he's starting to fear for my life. What with the stalking and all. . . ."
Sirius laughed. "So, do we get an actual psychic now, or what?"
"Yeah, I s'pose so." Remus shrugged. "She's been demoted to janitorial work with Filch. Wouldn't surprise me one bit if we found her mopping up the water in Moaning Myrtles bathroom." They both stopped for a minute, memories surrounding that bathroom arising, and they both shuddered.
"Let us NEVER think of that again." Sirius said with a shiver.
"Agreed," Remus said, shaking his head, "Anyway, gotta go! See you later, Paddy!"
"Bye, Moony! Won't be the same without you!" Sirius called, blowing kisses after his friend before turning down a side corridor.
"Lumos!" he murmured. The tip of his wand sparked into light and he began digging through his pockets in search of something. "Bloody-! Where's the map?! Ugh! Harry'll kill me if I lose it! He only leant it to--" Sirius, groaning and smacking his head, "He gave it to Moony! AGH!"
Turning on his heel, Sirius stepped back out into the hall to chase after Remus, when suddenly his forearm turned icy cold and he felt as though he'd splashed it into a bucket of ice water.
"Padfoot!" came a hissing whisper from out of the shadows.
Sirius turned around slowly, eyes wide in shock and. . . well, shock. "JAMES?!"
The ghost grinned at him. "Good to see you too, old chum! Damn! I missed Moony didn't I? I meant to catch both o' you. Oh well, I'll catch up with him later. He's seen me twice already, hasn't he? Almost crapped his pants the first time." The transparent image of James Potter shrugged.
Sirius cocked an eyebrow. "That was true? I thought it was just random drunken rambling."
James laughed, and then grinned evilly. "So. . . I saw Snape the other day. Man! That greasy git looks like he's been struttin' around like he owns the place! I say that he needs an ego demolition!"
Sirius mirrored his (ghostly) friend's grin. "Ah, Jamie. I missed ya. . . ."
~*~*~
'Man, James has a smart kid!' Remus thought, pulling a piece of parchment out of his pocket. 'Leave the Marauders Map with SIRIUS? HA!'
"Now let's see. . ." he murmured, looking down at the map with a trained DADA professor's scrutiny. What else can we do--? Hey. Snape and Malfoy are alone in the same room." He looked up with furrowed eyebrows and shuddered, before turning quickly back to the map.
Little did poor Remus know, that another person was striding down the hall in a similar fashion, his nose buried in a book held by one hand, while the other held up a lesson plan with DIVINATIONS written with a flourish at the top.
"Wait," the man murmured, scratching his dirt blond head with a free finger, "I'm lost. Where am I going again?"
Without warning, both the stranger and Remus were sent sprawling to the floor with identical indignant yelps and curses, papers flying everywhere as they rammed into each other head on.
"Stupid bloody--" two identical voices muttered angrily, before both breaking into (again) identical overly high pitched cheerful speeches of, "So sorry, my good chap," they both scurried about on the floor, helping each other pick up dropped papers, quills, books. . . "Here lemme help you with--"
They looked up at each other, and froze.
Identical burgundy eyes stared at each other, twin sodden heads rising at the same time as the two men got slowly to their feet.
Remus gulped. 'Ooookay. . . I REALLY don't remember there being a mirror in this corridor. . . .' he thought.
Slowly, the werewolf raised his right hand, moving it in a circle next to his head. The "image" in front of him did the same. The other man swiftly turned to the side, never taking his eyes off of the other him doing the exact same thing.
Finally, slowly, Remus slowly moved his finger toward the other's face; the other Remus' hand did the same, until their hands were exactly parallel to each other.
Suddenly, their fingertips touched and, both letting out identical ear piercing shrieks as if they had been burned, the DADA and Divinations professors scurried down the hall in opposite directions, both tripping and falling flat on their face and looking back self consciously; but when they noticed that the other them was looking at them too they screamed and fled again. (Anrion: ^_^; Erm. . . did that make ANY sense?)
~*~*~
"Lucius, dear, we need to talk."
Sirius and James' ghost skidded (and floated, I s'pose) to a halt. Cocking inquisitive eyebrows at each other, the two Marauders slunk slowly to peer around the corner at the source of the voice: one, Severus Snape. (Agh! Disturbing! SO disturbing!)
"What about, Sev?" Lucius asked all-too-sweetly.
"We. . ." Snape faltered, as though not quite sure how to go on. "I'm afraid we can't see each other anymore."
Lucius' lip trembled. "But. . . why--? Oh." He stopped short, catching sight of something behind Snape.
Severus turned slowly, glancing at Orlando as he passed through the corridor at a cross section.
He turned back to Lucius with a sigh. "As you can see. . . . Lucius?" But Lucius wasn't there. He swung around again, mouth dropping open as the other man waved to him happily, disappearing around the corner after Orlando.
"HEY!" Snape screeched, "I saw him first!!" (Er. . . Disclaimer time. Snape and Lucius being gay is just for the purpose of this fic. Ashen and I in NO WAY believe them to really fancy each other, and if they did. . . well, we can pretty much ALL say that that's just WRONG!)
Sirius and James glanced at each other, shuddering simultaneously. Some things were better left NOT spoken about. This was at the top of that list.
~*~*~
Hermione stepped into the Divinations classroom, wondering AGAIN what the bloody hell had possessed her to take that damned class again. Finally, she decided on two options. She had either been half asleep and mistaken the word for something else. . . or she wanted to take all classes for ultimate wizarding experience before going out into the big scary world.
For her own reputation, she decided on the former.
"Ugh. Professor Trelawney? I--" she stopped short, glancing up at the professor, who, incidentally, was not Trelawney. "Remus?" she asked in shock. Remus was petrified of Trelawney. Especially since that misadventure with dinner. What was he doing in the Tower?
The figure before her stiffened and spun around, practically growling. "I'm. . . not. . . Remus! Nor am I Professor Lupin! AGH! That is the ninth time today! I've only seen the guy bloody once! And we both ran away! I'm NICK! NIIIIIIICK!" the man continued ranting, all the while pacing back and forth across the tower room, snatching colored scarves away from the lamps and throwing open the window. "One more time! Nick! And I'm your new Divinations teacher by the way!" He finally stopped, still looking a bit maniacal and panting slightly, but he turned to Hermione and smiled. "Now, what can I do for you, young lady?"
Hermione mouthed wordlessly for a moment, looking like a fish, then snapped out of it, and said, "Nick?" Her eyes widened, "As in Nick Hardaway?! Oh my god! YOU are going to teach us Divinations?! YAY! Maybe we'll actually learn something now! What. . . you're a. . . psychic and a. . . telepath, right?"
The man (now we can use a name!), Nick Hardaway, looked a bit unsettled by what she knew about him, but said, "Yes," all the same.
Hermione squealed in delight, clapping her hands together. "I'm sooooo sorry for calling you the wrong name, it's just, you look SO much like our DADA professor, Remus Lupin, except now I see that you don't have the streaks in your hair that he does. Wow! I can't believe I've just met you! I HAVE to go tell Draco! DRACO!" And she ran from the tower. Maybe Divinations wasn't going to be that bad after all!
Nick stood staring after her for a minute, a purple scarf hanging limply from his hand. He took a deep breath, scratching his head and said, "I'm. . . SO confused." in a heavily accented voice.
(A/N: Even though probably no one but Abbie and Sanaria even KNOWS who this guys is. . . I LOVE HIM SOOOO MUCH! And am majorly pissed he isn't playing Remus. -Sigh- Thus why he and Remmy are practically twins in my own little world. Mwhahahaha!)
~*~*~
"You WHAT?!"
The students in the Great Hall glanced up in surprise at the sound of Draco's voice echoing through the halls.
"I met this guy--"
"You WHAT?!"
"He's really hot and looks exactly like Remus--"
"He WHAT?! Since when was the werewolf hot?!" Draco stood staring at his girlfriend with his mouth hanging open in shock.
Hermione waved her hand dismissively. "Oh, Remus has always been hot. So's Sirius. And I think I've seen Orlando Bloom wandering around here somewhere. . . . He's hot too, and Nick. Wow. FOUR of 'em can you believe it?!" She glanced at Draco and said quickly, "Draco, I think you're gorgeous and all, but those four. . . ." She trailed off, looking dreamily up at the ceiling as she wandered off in the direction of Gryffindor Table for dinner.
Draco stared after her, before narrowing his eyes and cracking his knuckles a bit. This "Nick" would have to be dealt with. . . .
Half an hour later, the Hall was filled with students and staff members, all preparing for at least a good hour of stuffing their faces.
Sirius walked in, grinning from ear to ear. James' ghost had gone off somewhere with Lily's ghost for a little ghost get together or something. . . ghosty or. . . something. Plopping down next to Remus, he lounged back in the chair luxuriously and said, "Hey Rem!"
But Remus turned to him as though he was insane and said, his eye starting to twitch, "I am. . . NOT. . . Remus. . . ."
"What're you talkin' about Remmy? Of course you're Remus! D'you think I'd mistake someone else for my best bud? I-- hey. You AREN'T Remus! Who the bloody hell ARE you?!"
Nick sighed, and decided not even to dignify that with an answer, instead turning away to talk with professor McGonagall.
Sirius raised both his eyebrows and discreetly switched over a seat.
A couple minutes later Remus swaggered into the room, falling into the chair next to Sirius. "Hey, Siri! How was your day!"
Sirius scowled, "I dunno. Why don't you tell ME how the bloody hell you suddenly have a clone!"
"Clone?" Remus asked in confusion, looking over his shoulder.
He and Nick again came face to face, and again, sprang to their feet with identical girly screams and hid behind Sirius' and McGonagall's chairs.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the Staff Table. . . .
"Where am I gonna sit?" asked a miffed Orlando, standing behind Trelawney's seat. He was utterly exhausted after being chased around the school by rabid fan girls and Snape and Lucius alike and really wanted to sit down.
"Uh. . ." Dumbledore looked around, "As you're not REALLY a staff member and this is the Staff Table, you can just stand there."
Orlando scowled and crossed his arms over his chest, pouting. Looking up, he noticed one of the "weirdos" (as he termed them) that had been chasing him earlier, smiling and winking at him.
Snape grinned, blowing a small kiss in his direction.
Orlando's eyes widened and he quickly moved to stand behind Professor Flitwick, snatching a piece of chicken off of his plate and stuffing it in his mouth. (My bad. Forgot he was a vegetarian. Thanks to all the reviews who reminded me. LOL! We'll say broccoli, then! ;-p)
Trelawney giggled, turning away slightly and blushed, glancing up as Snape again seemed to wink at her. 'My,' she thought, 'I never knew I had that affect on that man.' She got up and walked over to Severus, stopping briefly near Remus.
"Sorry, Remmikins, but I'm afraid it's not going to work out between us, I found someone NEW." She looked fondly over at Snape, who glanced around himself quickly looking for who she was talking about before turning a fearful gaze back to her.
Remus' mouth dropped open. "DUMPED? ME?! BY TRELAWNEY?! NOO! I-- this isn't right! You, you take me back! I mean, no. . . I-- I dump YOU! But. . ." his lip trembled and he jumped to his feet, "I can't take this embarrassment!" And he ran from the Great Hall swiftly, with everyone staring after him.
Sirius looked around and cleared his throat. "So. . . how 'bout them apples?"
~*~*~
Remus sat next to the statue of Severus the Greasy (yep, Snape had a statue dedicated to him) and buried his face in his arms.
"Remus?"
He looked up quickly as Orlando held out his hand. "C'mon Rem! I've got something that'll cheer you up!"
Remus took the actor's outstretched hand and stood, swiping dust off of his robes. "What? . . . And make it good, Bloom!"
Orlando grinned mischievously and reached out, poking Remus in the arm, "TIG!" he yelled, giggling and running down the hall a bit.
Remus stared after him, bewildered. "Huh?"
"It's a game!" Orlando grinned walking forward and standing in front of Remus. "See, you can't tag on a tig, you can't tig on a tag, you can't tag on a ting, tong, to. You can't tong on the head, you can only tig on the arm, and this whole area," he said, indicating his chest, "Is off limits."
Remus nodded knowingly. "Alright! Tag!" he shouted, poking Orlando in the head.
"Ow! Ting!" Orlando yelled, chasing after Remus and flicking him in the ear.
The two ran down the hall, shouting random things and poking, pinching and flicking each other.
~*~*~
"THERE you are, Hardaway."
Nick stopped at the top of the stairs. He turned around to see a sixteen your old blond kid with grey eyes slowly advancing toward him. He cocked an eyebrow. "Can I help you, mister--uh. . . ."
"Malfoy. Draco Malfoy."
Nick shrugged. "Very well, Draco. What can I do for ya?"
"YOU STOLE MY GIRLFRIEND YOU SHMUCK!" Draco screeched.
"Girlfriend?"
"Hermione!"
Nick looked bewildered, but then it donned on him. "You mean that creepy little girl who came in calling me Remus?"
Draco stopped, "Uh. . . ." then it clicked, "Yeah! HER! DIE!!!" and he lunged himself at Nick.
The latter shrieked fearfully and turned to run, forgetting there was a step there and tumbling headlong down the stairs. Draco followed, taking a flying leap and ending up halfway down, continuing the run with his battle-cry of "I'M HUNGRY!"
Nick jumped to his feet, sprinting quickly to the next staircase. He turned, patiently waiting until Draco was two feet away before stepping out of the way and letting the Slytherin fly down the stairs headfirst.
Draco sprung to his feet at the bottom, grunting and charging back up the stairs.
"Good lord!" Nick yelped, "What's wrong with you wizard kids?!" and fled down the hall, Draco hot on his heels.
Sirius stepped quickly out of a side corridor, staring after them. Clearing his throat, he turned his back on them and said, "Folks, this is where I leave you. But remember, don't try this at home. And keep in mind that Anrion and Sanaria don't own Harry Potter. Orlando Bloom is his own person and made this appearance without any consent on his part; when he's worn out his usefulness, he'll be sent back to where he belongs. Nick Hardaway is a character in the mini-series "Rose Red" played by the wonderful, fabulous Julian Sands. And finally, the game Tig was not created by this fic's authors. . . it was created by Dominic Monaghan and Billy Boyd on the Weather Top set while filming the Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring. Thank you, and good night."
He bowed, and swaggered slowly away.
~*~*~
TBC. . . .
Anrion: Oi! Was that a long enough disclaimer for ya?! Anyway, stay tuned for the next chapter! It'll involve Polyjuice potions, more Orlando and Nick (at least. . . I think) and a guest appearance by Count Chocula! Mwhahahahahaha! Toodles!
"It was horrible!" Neville wailed, taking the pumpkin juice that Ron offered him as Harry patted his back sympathetically, "I've never been so afraid! I thought it would make me popular! Not start a stampede of girls that would end up completely trampling me!"
Remus piped up from the doorway, "Neville, it wasn't YOU the rabid fan girls were chasing. It was Orlando Bloom."
Neville sniffed, looking up at his DADA teacher with wide, frightened eyes. "No, Professor Lupin, you don't understand. That was ME. I transfigured myself to look like him when I saw a bunch of girls swooning over his picture in the Common Room."
Remus and Sirius smirked at each other. Poor Neville.
"Well, Padfoot, at least you don't have to worry about losing your fan girls!"
The words had no sooner left his mouth than the door to the dorm swung open, a blur had sped in and the door slammed again, with a panting young man leaning against it, keeping it firmly shut.
"I say," Sirius said, stepping closer, "Are you alright? What are you running from?"
The other man glared at him, frantically pressing his finger to his lips and shushing him. Everyone in the dorm silenced and stared at the door. There was a sudden pounding, accompanied by high pitched squeals of, "Oh my gaw! He is sooooooo hot!", "Open up, Orli! We know you're in there!", and "Is it really him?! Oh, my cookies!!"
"Please!" the guy at the door cried frantically, "Can any of you lock it?!"
Everyone in the room quickly took out their wands and waved them at the door. The man stepped away from the door with a sigh of relief and slumped to the floor, sitting down and rocking back and forth fearfully.
Taking a good look at the other man, Remus turned to Neville. "Alright, who else was with you when you decided to do the transfiguration?"
"What's a transfiguration?" came a confused voice from the floor.
Sirius smirked, glancing from the man near his feet to Remus. "Rem, I think this is the real one this time."
"Real one?!" the man shot to his feet indignantly, "I'm Orlando Bloom! Please don't tell me people've been impersonating me!"
Remus shook his head with a grin. "What are you doing here Orlando?"
Orlando looked up at Remus, brown eyes wide in shock, "I dunno. I was at my house, building a perfectly good fort in the living room with my bud Andre, when these two girls showed up at the door. They grinned, took out these stick things and poof! I was here."
Sirius and Remus looked at each other and nodded knowingly. Sanaria and Anrion had been on the prowl again. "Yay!" they both grinned evilly, "More pranks!"
"Ah, don't worry, Orlando," Sirius said, walking up and draping an arm over the actor's shoulders, "We'll get those two out here as soon as possible and get you sent home. We can't let you steal my fan club now."
Orlando cocked an eyebrow. "Fan club? You?! Psh! You're an old fart!"
The Gryffindor Sixth Years burst into gales of laughter, every once and a while simmering down enough to say, "Goodbye, Mr. Bloom!"
Sirius glowered for a minute, before grinning good-naturedly, "Ah, you're new here, so the Gryffindor God'll cut you some slack."
"Er. . . thanks. I guess. So what're we gonna do about that?" He nodded toward the door, where they could still hear the sound of frantic swooning.
"Wait 'em out." Remus said with a shrug, "So. . . Orlando, ever heard of exploding snap?" He and Sirius grinned at each other.
"No, but I never back down from a challenge!" Orlando said with a grin, cracking his knuckles in anticipation.
"I was counting on that." Sirius said with an evil smirk.
~*~*~
"So, whatever happened to James' ghost?" Remus asked as he and Sirius wandered aimlessly about the castle.
Sirius shrugged, "I saw him the other day, but he kinda walked through a wall, and. . . as you know. . . I can't do that."
"But--"
"I know, I know. I'm god. But even *I* have my limitations! The deities are still solid, you know!"
Remus rolled his eyes. "Listen, I gotta go, almost time for class. But before I leave, I have wonderful, fantastic, GREAT news!" His eyes started glowing and his face split into a huge grin.
Sirius jumped up and down, clapping his hands together. "What?! Oh, please, DO tell!"
"Trelawney got fired!"
The two stood still for a moment, then clasped hands and jumped up and down, squealing excitedly.
"Why? When? HOW?" Sirius asked breathlessly, trying to smooth out his hair.
"Dumbledore got tired of her always making false predictions and scaring the crap out of the students. Besides, I think he's starting to fear for my life. What with the stalking and all. . . ."
Sirius laughed. "So, do we get an actual psychic now, or what?"
"Yeah, I s'pose so." Remus shrugged. "She's been demoted to janitorial work with Filch. Wouldn't surprise me one bit if we found her mopping up the water in Moaning Myrtles bathroom." They both stopped for a minute, memories surrounding that bathroom arising, and they both shuddered.
"Let us NEVER think of that again." Sirius said with a shiver.
"Agreed," Remus said, shaking his head, "Anyway, gotta go! See you later, Paddy!"
"Bye, Moony! Won't be the same without you!" Sirius called, blowing kisses after his friend before turning down a side corridor.
"Lumos!" he murmured. The tip of his wand sparked into light and he began digging through his pockets in search of something. "Bloody-! Where's the map?! Ugh! Harry'll kill me if I lose it! He only leant it to--" Sirius, groaning and smacking his head, "He gave it to Moony! AGH!"
Turning on his heel, Sirius stepped back out into the hall to chase after Remus, when suddenly his forearm turned icy cold and he felt as though he'd splashed it into a bucket of ice water.
"Padfoot!" came a hissing whisper from out of the shadows.
Sirius turned around slowly, eyes wide in shock and. . . well, shock. "JAMES?!"
The ghost grinned at him. "Good to see you too, old chum! Damn! I missed Moony didn't I? I meant to catch both o' you. Oh well, I'll catch up with him later. He's seen me twice already, hasn't he? Almost crapped his pants the first time." The transparent image of James Potter shrugged.
Sirius cocked an eyebrow. "That was true? I thought it was just random drunken rambling."
James laughed, and then grinned evilly. "So. . . I saw Snape the other day. Man! That greasy git looks like he's been struttin' around like he owns the place! I say that he needs an ego demolition!"
Sirius mirrored his (ghostly) friend's grin. "Ah, Jamie. I missed ya. . . ."
~*~*~
'Man, James has a smart kid!' Remus thought, pulling a piece of parchment out of his pocket. 'Leave the Marauders Map with SIRIUS? HA!'
"Now let's see. . ." he murmured, looking down at the map with a trained DADA professor's scrutiny. What else can we do--? Hey. Snape and Malfoy are alone in the same room." He looked up with furrowed eyebrows and shuddered, before turning quickly back to the map.
Little did poor Remus know, that another person was striding down the hall in a similar fashion, his nose buried in a book held by one hand, while the other held up a lesson plan with DIVINATIONS written with a flourish at the top.
"Wait," the man murmured, scratching his dirt blond head with a free finger, "I'm lost. Where am I going again?"
Without warning, both the stranger and Remus were sent sprawling to the floor with identical indignant yelps and curses, papers flying everywhere as they rammed into each other head on.
"Stupid bloody--" two identical voices muttered angrily, before both breaking into (again) identical overly high pitched cheerful speeches of, "So sorry, my good chap," they both scurried about on the floor, helping each other pick up dropped papers, quills, books. . . "Here lemme help you with--"
They looked up at each other, and froze.
Identical burgundy eyes stared at each other, twin sodden heads rising at the same time as the two men got slowly to their feet.
Remus gulped. 'Ooookay. . . I REALLY don't remember there being a mirror in this corridor. . . .' he thought.
Slowly, the werewolf raised his right hand, moving it in a circle next to his head. The "image" in front of him did the same. The other man swiftly turned to the side, never taking his eyes off of the other him doing the exact same thing.
Finally, slowly, Remus slowly moved his finger toward the other's face; the other Remus' hand did the same, until their hands were exactly parallel to each other.
Suddenly, their fingertips touched and, both letting out identical ear piercing shrieks as if they had been burned, the DADA and Divinations professors scurried down the hall in opposite directions, both tripping and falling flat on their face and looking back self consciously; but when they noticed that the other them was looking at them too they screamed and fled again. (Anrion: ^_^; Erm. . . did that make ANY sense?)
~*~*~
"Lucius, dear, we need to talk."
Sirius and James' ghost skidded (and floated, I s'pose) to a halt. Cocking inquisitive eyebrows at each other, the two Marauders slunk slowly to peer around the corner at the source of the voice: one, Severus Snape. (Agh! Disturbing! SO disturbing!)
"What about, Sev?" Lucius asked all-too-sweetly.
"We. . ." Snape faltered, as though not quite sure how to go on. "I'm afraid we can't see each other anymore."
Lucius' lip trembled. "But. . . why--? Oh." He stopped short, catching sight of something behind Snape.
Severus turned slowly, glancing at Orlando as he passed through the corridor at a cross section.
He turned back to Lucius with a sigh. "As you can see. . . . Lucius?" But Lucius wasn't there. He swung around again, mouth dropping open as the other man waved to him happily, disappearing around the corner after Orlando.
"HEY!" Snape screeched, "I saw him first!!" (Er. . . Disclaimer time. Snape and Lucius being gay is just for the purpose of this fic. Ashen and I in NO WAY believe them to really fancy each other, and if they did. . . well, we can pretty much ALL say that that's just WRONG!)
Sirius and James glanced at each other, shuddering simultaneously. Some things were better left NOT spoken about. This was at the top of that list.
~*~*~
Hermione stepped into the Divinations classroom, wondering AGAIN what the bloody hell had possessed her to take that damned class again. Finally, she decided on two options. She had either been half asleep and mistaken the word for something else. . . or she wanted to take all classes for ultimate wizarding experience before going out into the big scary world.
For her own reputation, she decided on the former.
"Ugh. Professor Trelawney? I--" she stopped short, glancing up at the professor, who, incidentally, was not Trelawney. "Remus?" she asked in shock. Remus was petrified of Trelawney. Especially since that misadventure with dinner. What was he doing in the Tower?
The figure before her stiffened and spun around, practically growling. "I'm. . . not. . . Remus! Nor am I Professor Lupin! AGH! That is the ninth time today! I've only seen the guy bloody once! And we both ran away! I'm NICK! NIIIIIIICK!" the man continued ranting, all the while pacing back and forth across the tower room, snatching colored scarves away from the lamps and throwing open the window. "One more time! Nick! And I'm your new Divinations teacher by the way!" He finally stopped, still looking a bit maniacal and panting slightly, but he turned to Hermione and smiled. "Now, what can I do for you, young lady?"
Hermione mouthed wordlessly for a moment, looking like a fish, then snapped out of it, and said, "Nick?" Her eyes widened, "As in Nick Hardaway?! Oh my god! YOU are going to teach us Divinations?! YAY! Maybe we'll actually learn something now! What. . . you're a. . . psychic and a. . . telepath, right?"
The man (now we can use a name!), Nick Hardaway, looked a bit unsettled by what she knew about him, but said, "Yes," all the same.
Hermione squealed in delight, clapping her hands together. "I'm sooooo sorry for calling you the wrong name, it's just, you look SO much like our DADA professor, Remus Lupin, except now I see that you don't have the streaks in your hair that he does. Wow! I can't believe I've just met you! I HAVE to go tell Draco! DRACO!" And she ran from the tower. Maybe Divinations wasn't going to be that bad after all!
Nick stood staring after her for a minute, a purple scarf hanging limply from his hand. He took a deep breath, scratching his head and said, "I'm. . . SO confused." in a heavily accented voice.
(A/N: Even though probably no one but Abbie and Sanaria even KNOWS who this guys is. . . I LOVE HIM SOOOO MUCH! And am majorly pissed he isn't playing Remus. -Sigh- Thus why he and Remmy are practically twins in my own little world. Mwhahahaha!)
~*~*~
"You WHAT?!"
The students in the Great Hall glanced up in surprise at the sound of Draco's voice echoing through the halls.
"I met this guy--"
"You WHAT?!"
"He's really hot and looks exactly like Remus--"
"He WHAT?! Since when was the werewolf hot?!" Draco stood staring at his girlfriend with his mouth hanging open in shock.
Hermione waved her hand dismissively. "Oh, Remus has always been hot. So's Sirius. And I think I've seen Orlando Bloom wandering around here somewhere. . . . He's hot too, and Nick. Wow. FOUR of 'em can you believe it?!" She glanced at Draco and said quickly, "Draco, I think you're gorgeous and all, but those four. . . ." She trailed off, looking dreamily up at the ceiling as she wandered off in the direction of Gryffindor Table for dinner.
Draco stared after her, before narrowing his eyes and cracking his knuckles a bit. This "Nick" would have to be dealt with. . . .
Half an hour later, the Hall was filled with students and staff members, all preparing for at least a good hour of stuffing their faces.
Sirius walked in, grinning from ear to ear. James' ghost had gone off somewhere with Lily's ghost for a little ghost get together or something. . . ghosty or. . . something. Plopping down next to Remus, he lounged back in the chair luxuriously and said, "Hey Rem!"
But Remus turned to him as though he was insane and said, his eye starting to twitch, "I am. . . NOT. . . Remus. . . ."
"What're you talkin' about Remmy? Of course you're Remus! D'you think I'd mistake someone else for my best bud? I-- hey. You AREN'T Remus! Who the bloody hell ARE you?!"
Nick sighed, and decided not even to dignify that with an answer, instead turning away to talk with professor McGonagall.
Sirius raised both his eyebrows and discreetly switched over a seat.
A couple minutes later Remus swaggered into the room, falling into the chair next to Sirius. "Hey, Siri! How was your day!"
Sirius scowled, "I dunno. Why don't you tell ME how the bloody hell you suddenly have a clone!"
"Clone?" Remus asked in confusion, looking over his shoulder.
He and Nick again came face to face, and again, sprang to their feet with identical girly screams and hid behind Sirius' and McGonagall's chairs.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the Staff Table. . . .
"Where am I gonna sit?" asked a miffed Orlando, standing behind Trelawney's seat. He was utterly exhausted after being chased around the school by rabid fan girls and Snape and Lucius alike and really wanted to sit down.
"Uh. . ." Dumbledore looked around, "As you're not REALLY a staff member and this is the Staff Table, you can just stand there."
Orlando scowled and crossed his arms over his chest, pouting. Looking up, he noticed one of the "weirdos" (as he termed them) that had been chasing him earlier, smiling and winking at him.
Snape grinned, blowing a small kiss in his direction.
Orlando's eyes widened and he quickly moved to stand behind Professor Flitwick, snatching a piece of chicken off of his plate and stuffing it in his mouth. (My bad. Forgot he was a vegetarian. Thanks to all the reviews who reminded me. LOL! We'll say broccoli, then! ;-p)
Trelawney giggled, turning away slightly and blushed, glancing up as Snape again seemed to wink at her. 'My,' she thought, 'I never knew I had that affect on that man.' She got up and walked over to Severus, stopping briefly near Remus.
"Sorry, Remmikins, but I'm afraid it's not going to work out between us, I found someone NEW." She looked fondly over at Snape, who glanced around himself quickly looking for who she was talking about before turning a fearful gaze back to her.
Remus' mouth dropped open. "DUMPED? ME?! BY TRELAWNEY?! NOO! I-- this isn't right! You, you take me back! I mean, no. . . I-- I dump YOU! But. . ." his lip trembled and he jumped to his feet, "I can't take this embarrassment!" And he ran from the Great Hall swiftly, with everyone staring after him.
Sirius looked around and cleared his throat. "So. . . how 'bout them apples?"
~*~*~
Remus sat next to the statue of Severus the Greasy (yep, Snape had a statue dedicated to him) and buried his face in his arms.
"Remus?"
He looked up quickly as Orlando held out his hand. "C'mon Rem! I've got something that'll cheer you up!"
Remus took the actor's outstretched hand and stood, swiping dust off of his robes. "What? . . . And make it good, Bloom!"
Orlando grinned mischievously and reached out, poking Remus in the arm, "TIG!" he yelled, giggling and running down the hall a bit.
Remus stared after him, bewildered. "Huh?"
"It's a game!" Orlando grinned walking forward and standing in front of Remus. "See, you can't tag on a tig, you can't tig on a tag, you can't tag on a ting, tong, to. You can't tong on the head, you can only tig on the arm, and this whole area," he said, indicating his chest, "Is off limits."
Remus nodded knowingly. "Alright! Tag!" he shouted, poking Orlando in the head.
"Ow! Ting!" Orlando yelled, chasing after Remus and flicking him in the ear.
The two ran down the hall, shouting random things and poking, pinching and flicking each other.
~*~*~
"THERE you are, Hardaway."
Nick stopped at the top of the stairs. He turned around to see a sixteen your old blond kid with grey eyes slowly advancing toward him. He cocked an eyebrow. "Can I help you, mister--uh. . . ."
"Malfoy. Draco Malfoy."
Nick shrugged. "Very well, Draco. What can I do for ya?"
"YOU STOLE MY GIRLFRIEND YOU SHMUCK!" Draco screeched.
"Girlfriend?"
"Hermione!"
Nick looked bewildered, but then it donned on him. "You mean that creepy little girl who came in calling me Remus?"
Draco stopped, "Uh. . . ." then it clicked, "Yeah! HER! DIE!!!" and he lunged himself at Nick.
The latter shrieked fearfully and turned to run, forgetting there was a step there and tumbling headlong down the stairs. Draco followed, taking a flying leap and ending up halfway down, continuing the run with his battle-cry of "I'M HUNGRY!"
Nick jumped to his feet, sprinting quickly to the next staircase. He turned, patiently waiting until Draco was two feet away before stepping out of the way and letting the Slytherin fly down the stairs headfirst.
Draco sprung to his feet at the bottom, grunting and charging back up the stairs.
"Good lord!" Nick yelped, "What's wrong with you wizard kids?!" and fled down the hall, Draco hot on his heels.
Sirius stepped quickly out of a side corridor, staring after them. Clearing his throat, he turned his back on them and said, "Folks, this is where I leave you. But remember, don't try this at home. And keep in mind that Anrion and Sanaria don't own Harry Potter. Orlando Bloom is his own person and made this appearance without any consent on his part; when he's worn out his usefulness, he'll be sent back to where he belongs. Nick Hardaway is a character in the mini-series "Rose Red" played by the wonderful, fabulous Julian Sands. And finally, the game Tig was not created by this fic's authors. . . it was created by Dominic Monaghan and Billy Boyd on the Weather Top set while filming the Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring. Thank you, and good night."
He bowed, and swaggered slowly away.
~*~*~
TBC. . . .
Anrion: Oi! Was that a long enough disclaimer for ya?! Anyway, stay tuned for the next chapter! It'll involve Polyjuice potions, more Orlando and Nick (at least. . . I think) and a guest appearance by Count Chocula! Mwhahahahahaha! Toodles!