Disclaimer: I'm really getting sick of these! And they are really pointless cause if an author wants to sue you they still can whether or not you have a disclaimer!!! *Shrug* Oh well, here it goes. We don't own the Marauders or Harry Potter and Co. The ownership belongs to the one and only J.K.
~*~*~ Chapter Twelve: Why Has the World Gone Mad?!?!? ~*~*~
"He's scared out of his mind. He won't even come out of his room, not even for lunch!!! Professor Lupin and Sirius went up to check on him and he wouldn't speak to them. I think he's off his rocker!" Ron said to Harry as they walked down the corridor on their way to Gryffindor Tower.
"What scared him so much though?" Harry asked intently, referring to their new Professor, Nick. Ron turned towards Harry and broke into a huge grin.
"The bloke is scared of DRACO!!" Ron said as he and Harry broke into laughter. After a few moments they were laughing so hard they couldn't breathe.
"SSSSSSSSSSSSSssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!"
"Did you hear that?!?" Harry asked Ron, suddenly silent and focused.
"It sounded like a snake . . . a dying snake actually," Ron replied as they both moved closer to the corridor wall.
"Phew, so I'm not crazy!" Harry replied with relief.
"Well, I wouldn't go that far!" Ron replied quickly. Harry shot him a 'you-are-so-dead' look but kept listening.
"SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!"
"There it is again!!!" Harry shouted as he began to smack the wall in a desperate hope to get to the creature.
"OUCH! Ya know, that kinda hurts . . . would you please refrain from doing that? I have very sensitive skin!" The voice inside the wall said. Ron and Harry started scratching their heads. "Thank you! SSSSSSSSSsssssssssssssssssssssssssss!" The voice said rather cheerfully.
"What kinda monster was that, do ya think?" Ron asked Harry, slightly confused.
"I haven't the slightest," Harry said, still focused on the wall.
*THUD* Harry and Ron glanced at each other and back at the wall.
"Ummm, hello?!? Is anyone there?! I'm kinda stuck in a pipe. Would ya mind getting a jackhammer and helping me out? Hello?!?!? It's kinda dark and I'm cold and hungry! Please help me!!!" The voice inside the wall said again. Harry and Ron pulled out their wands and pointed them at the spot in the wall the voice was coming from. They both muttered a spell under their breaths.
*BOOOM* The wall exploded in a rain of rocks. When the dust settled Harry saw the wall had a large gap in it. And inside that gap was a figure stuck partially in one pipe and the rest of him flailing around where the other pipe used to be. All Harry could see were feet kicking in every which direction so he figured it must be a person of some sort.
"Ron, help me out!" Harry shouted as he sprinted to the hole in the wall and started yanking at the man stuck in the pipe. Ron ran up behind him and started yanking as well.
"Ohhh! Ehhh! Ahhhhh! Ouch!! Pain! PAIN!!!!!" The man shouted from the pipe. Within a few moments they yanked the man out of the pipe and dragged him a safe distance away. Harry and Ron stood looking down at him in shock. The man looked up at Harry and Ron in a cheerful daze.
"What were you bloody doing in the pipes?!?" Ron asked as soon as he caught his breath.
"Oh, I was just . . . slithering!" The man said in a happy disposition. Harry and Ron stared at him like he was crazy.
"How did you get there?" Harry asked. The man looked like he was trying to recall something from a long time ago.
"Oh yea!! I was running from a horde of girls when I found myself in a bathroom. I let out a sigh of relief because they didn't run in after me and the sinks turned into a tunnel! It was rather cool, really. So naturally I jumped in and I've been slithering around ever since. It's really a lot of fun! You should try it sometime! All cares are flung to the winds!" The man shouted.
"Yea, not mention sanity too!!!" Ron whispered to Harry, who nodded.
"Well, I must really be getting along now! Thank you oh so much for the assistance!! Tata!" The man said as he rolled over onto his stomach and began to wiggle down the corridor, every once and awhile he let out a hiss. Harry and Ron watched him as he 'slithered' away.
"What an unusual bloke," Harry commented.
"Hey!! Wasn't that the guy that's on the cover of Ginny's Muggle magazine?!?! You know, that famous actor Bloomsby or something or other!!" Ron shouted. Harry tilted his head to the side.
"Wasn't it Bloomsburg?!?"
"Nah, it was something like Bloombottom!!"
"Maybe just Bloom . . ."
"Nah, it can't be!" They both said in unison.
"Can it?!?!?"
"BLOOM?!"
~*~*~
"Professor. I do insist you come out now. I promise to keep the fearsome child at bay!!" Remus said to the door behind which the Remus look-alike was sitting. Remus and Sirius heard a rustling from behind the door and a few seconds later it opened a crack.
"You promise? Do I have your word on that?!? I mean, I may be a psychic but I'm not about to deal with psych*o*s!! That O adds a helluva difference!" Nick shouted from behind the door. Sirius and Remus looked to each other.
"Well, you see, Draco is not psycho . . . he's just, well . . ." Sirius began. Remus gave him an odd look.
"What are you talking about Sirius? That kid is a nutcase!!!" Remus practically shouted. Hearing what Remus said, Nick slammed the door and refused to come out. With an hour or so of coaxing though, the two Marauders got him to leave the room. Emerging from the room however, Nick was confronted by the strangest and most abnormal scene that had ever occurred at the school of Hogwarts. Seeing this he raced back into the room and slammed the door shut. Sirius and Remus stood confused for a moment but regained their senses and turned around just in time to see something so horrible they still cannot describe it to this very day.
Before continuing on with this gruesome detail, the author would like to point out this: Snape is a geasy, clay-brained, jack-a-nape with a hedge hog up his but the size of an elephant. With this pointed out, I would like to take you back in time to a chapter not very far in the past. In this chapter the prat known as Snape snuck up on the unsuspecting heroes known as Sirius the Lion Heart and Remus the Great One and stole from each of them a lock of their hair. With a truly evil plan in mind, the fearsome foe made a polyjuice potion and put both the locks of hair he had stolen from the Marauders into the concoction. Upon drinking it, Snape became, in more ways that one, a man of many faces. He took on two to be precise! One of Remus and one of Sirius. The author would also like to point out one more thing before returning to the story and that is this: in school Snape had never been a very popular boy. He spent most days in the girl's dormitory sewing buttons onto dolls with the Slytherin girls. Because of this, he looked up to Sirius and Remus and always wanted to be like him. Again, in more ways than one, his wish came true!!
"THAT PRAT HAS MY FACE!!!!!!" Sirius yelled as he sprinted towards Snape (Who had half the body of Remus, and half the body of Sirius, so haturally, he limping since Sirius was good two inches taller than the other Marauder), who was walking down the hall towards them.
"Welcome to the club," Remus said with as little enthusiasm as he could muster. After a few moments he ran after Sirius, giving his friend just enough time to get a punch or two in. He had to admit, it was satisfying to see Sirius tearing into him. In fact, so satisfying that he couldn't help but send a few punches of his own Snape's way.
"I'm sick *punch* of people *punch* stealing my *punch* face!!!! Give it back!!!!!" Remus shouted. (The authors of this fan fiction in no way are endorsing violence . . . LOL)
A few minutes later Remus and Sirius walked off, feeling somewhat better about the situation. So better in fact, they thought they would pay a visit to their good friend James. (Did you think we had forgotten about the third Marauder!?!)
~*~*~
"Dude!" Sirius said in a mellow tone.
"Dude!" James replied.
"BLAH!!"
"Dude Remus!! Dude!! It's not blah!!" Sirius corrected his friend.
"Uhhhh, that wasn't me . . ." Remus said slowly. Everyone's heads rotated in the direction of the shadowed corner.
"BLAH!!!" a short vampire screamed as he jumped out of the shadows. James and Sirius sat in silence looking at the vampire, as Remus let out a blood-curdling rather girl like scream and ran to hide behind a desk.
"Blah, I said Blah!!!" The vampire repeated looking for some kind of reaction.
"Blah . . . I'm Count Chocula . . . blah . . .blah." the vampire named Count Chocula yelled. Again, no reaction.
"I didn't want to resort to this, but beware the bowl of death!! Any who eat from it will perish!!!" he shouted. Remus (after realizing that it was just ANOTHER old insane bat who lived up in a tower. . .perhaps Trelawney's uncle and had popped up from behind the desk) and James began scratching their heads. Sirius however began to sniff the air.
"What is it boy? What do you smell?" Remus said in the sweetest possible tone, trying to regain his dignity by stealing Sirius'.
"Cocoa puffs!!!" Sirius shouted as he launched himself from his sitting position and grabbed the bowl from Count Chocula. Greedily, he began to eat the contents of the bowl.
"He has a sixth sense about these things." Remus said to the dumbfounded Count.
"But . . . oh well. I'll go find someone to scare with the terrifying bowl of death!" The Count said in his most mysterious voice.
"There's more?!?!?" Sirius shouted, milk dripping down his face.
"Down Sirius, one bowl in enough for now." James said while patting his heart broken friend's back. (Well, actually his hand was going thorough Sirius, but we would like to make it seem as though James has some hand in calming his deranged friend!)
"Ahhh . . . but that's my favorite cereal!!" Sirius pouted. Remus and James patted Sirius on the back again.
~*~*~
A/N: Heheheh, that was fun! I especially liked writing the part about Orlando Bloom slithering around in the walls!! Please R&R! Reviews are the stuff writers eat, breathe and sleep. Don't take my air!!!!!!
Anrion Speaks. . . . Welp, that was interesting. Curse you Ashen for dumping that on me! AGH! Grr. . . . Alright, people, I'll start working on the next chapter pronto, so toodles till then!
~*~*~ Chapter Twelve: Why Has the World Gone Mad?!?!? ~*~*~
"He's scared out of his mind. He won't even come out of his room, not even for lunch!!! Professor Lupin and Sirius went up to check on him and he wouldn't speak to them. I think he's off his rocker!" Ron said to Harry as they walked down the corridor on their way to Gryffindor Tower.
"What scared him so much though?" Harry asked intently, referring to their new Professor, Nick. Ron turned towards Harry and broke into a huge grin.
"The bloke is scared of DRACO!!" Ron said as he and Harry broke into laughter. After a few moments they were laughing so hard they couldn't breathe.
"SSSSSSSSSSSSSssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!"
"Did you hear that?!?" Harry asked Ron, suddenly silent and focused.
"It sounded like a snake . . . a dying snake actually," Ron replied as they both moved closer to the corridor wall.
"Phew, so I'm not crazy!" Harry replied with relief.
"Well, I wouldn't go that far!" Ron replied quickly. Harry shot him a 'you-are-so-dead' look but kept listening.
"SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!"
"There it is again!!!" Harry shouted as he began to smack the wall in a desperate hope to get to the creature.
"OUCH! Ya know, that kinda hurts . . . would you please refrain from doing that? I have very sensitive skin!" The voice inside the wall said. Ron and Harry started scratching their heads. "Thank you! SSSSSSSSSsssssssssssssssssssssssssss!" The voice said rather cheerfully.
"What kinda monster was that, do ya think?" Ron asked Harry, slightly confused.
"I haven't the slightest," Harry said, still focused on the wall.
*THUD* Harry and Ron glanced at each other and back at the wall.
"Ummm, hello?!? Is anyone there?! I'm kinda stuck in a pipe. Would ya mind getting a jackhammer and helping me out? Hello?!?!? It's kinda dark and I'm cold and hungry! Please help me!!!" The voice inside the wall said again. Harry and Ron pulled out their wands and pointed them at the spot in the wall the voice was coming from. They both muttered a spell under their breaths.
*BOOOM* The wall exploded in a rain of rocks. When the dust settled Harry saw the wall had a large gap in it. And inside that gap was a figure stuck partially in one pipe and the rest of him flailing around where the other pipe used to be. All Harry could see were feet kicking in every which direction so he figured it must be a person of some sort.
"Ron, help me out!" Harry shouted as he sprinted to the hole in the wall and started yanking at the man stuck in the pipe. Ron ran up behind him and started yanking as well.
"Ohhh! Ehhh! Ahhhhh! Ouch!! Pain! PAIN!!!!!" The man shouted from the pipe. Within a few moments they yanked the man out of the pipe and dragged him a safe distance away. Harry and Ron stood looking down at him in shock. The man looked up at Harry and Ron in a cheerful daze.
"What were you bloody doing in the pipes?!?" Ron asked as soon as he caught his breath.
"Oh, I was just . . . slithering!" The man said in a happy disposition. Harry and Ron stared at him like he was crazy.
"How did you get there?" Harry asked. The man looked like he was trying to recall something from a long time ago.
"Oh yea!! I was running from a horde of girls when I found myself in a bathroom. I let out a sigh of relief because they didn't run in after me and the sinks turned into a tunnel! It was rather cool, really. So naturally I jumped in and I've been slithering around ever since. It's really a lot of fun! You should try it sometime! All cares are flung to the winds!" The man shouted.
"Yea, not mention sanity too!!!" Ron whispered to Harry, who nodded.
"Well, I must really be getting along now! Thank you oh so much for the assistance!! Tata!" The man said as he rolled over onto his stomach and began to wiggle down the corridor, every once and awhile he let out a hiss. Harry and Ron watched him as he 'slithered' away.
"What an unusual bloke," Harry commented.
"Hey!! Wasn't that the guy that's on the cover of Ginny's Muggle magazine?!?! You know, that famous actor Bloomsby or something or other!!" Ron shouted. Harry tilted his head to the side.
"Wasn't it Bloomsburg?!?"
"Nah, it was something like Bloombottom!!"
"Maybe just Bloom . . ."
"Nah, it can't be!" They both said in unison.
"Can it?!?!?"
"BLOOM?!"
~*~*~
"Professor. I do insist you come out now. I promise to keep the fearsome child at bay!!" Remus said to the door behind which the Remus look-alike was sitting. Remus and Sirius heard a rustling from behind the door and a few seconds later it opened a crack.
"You promise? Do I have your word on that?!? I mean, I may be a psychic but I'm not about to deal with psych*o*s!! That O adds a helluva difference!" Nick shouted from behind the door. Sirius and Remus looked to each other.
"Well, you see, Draco is not psycho . . . he's just, well . . ." Sirius began. Remus gave him an odd look.
"What are you talking about Sirius? That kid is a nutcase!!!" Remus practically shouted. Hearing what Remus said, Nick slammed the door and refused to come out. With an hour or so of coaxing though, the two Marauders got him to leave the room. Emerging from the room however, Nick was confronted by the strangest and most abnormal scene that had ever occurred at the school of Hogwarts. Seeing this he raced back into the room and slammed the door shut. Sirius and Remus stood confused for a moment but regained their senses and turned around just in time to see something so horrible they still cannot describe it to this very day.
Before continuing on with this gruesome detail, the author would like to point out this: Snape is a geasy, clay-brained, jack-a-nape with a hedge hog up his but the size of an elephant. With this pointed out, I would like to take you back in time to a chapter not very far in the past. In this chapter the prat known as Snape snuck up on the unsuspecting heroes known as Sirius the Lion Heart and Remus the Great One and stole from each of them a lock of their hair. With a truly evil plan in mind, the fearsome foe made a polyjuice potion and put both the locks of hair he had stolen from the Marauders into the concoction. Upon drinking it, Snape became, in more ways that one, a man of many faces. He took on two to be precise! One of Remus and one of Sirius. The author would also like to point out one more thing before returning to the story and that is this: in school Snape had never been a very popular boy. He spent most days in the girl's dormitory sewing buttons onto dolls with the Slytherin girls. Because of this, he looked up to Sirius and Remus and always wanted to be like him. Again, in more ways than one, his wish came true!!
"THAT PRAT HAS MY FACE!!!!!!" Sirius yelled as he sprinted towards Snape (Who had half the body of Remus, and half the body of Sirius, so haturally, he limping since Sirius was good two inches taller than the other Marauder), who was walking down the hall towards them.
"Welcome to the club," Remus said with as little enthusiasm as he could muster. After a few moments he ran after Sirius, giving his friend just enough time to get a punch or two in. He had to admit, it was satisfying to see Sirius tearing into him. In fact, so satisfying that he couldn't help but send a few punches of his own Snape's way.
"I'm sick *punch* of people *punch* stealing my *punch* face!!!! Give it back!!!!!" Remus shouted. (The authors of this fan fiction in no way are endorsing violence . . . LOL)
A few minutes later Remus and Sirius walked off, feeling somewhat better about the situation. So better in fact, they thought they would pay a visit to their good friend James. (Did you think we had forgotten about the third Marauder!?!)
~*~*~
"Dude!" Sirius said in a mellow tone.
"Dude!" James replied.
"BLAH!!"
"Dude Remus!! Dude!! It's not blah!!" Sirius corrected his friend.
"Uhhhh, that wasn't me . . ." Remus said slowly. Everyone's heads rotated in the direction of the shadowed corner.
"BLAH!!!" a short vampire screamed as he jumped out of the shadows. James and Sirius sat in silence looking at the vampire, as Remus let out a blood-curdling rather girl like scream and ran to hide behind a desk.
"Blah, I said Blah!!!" The vampire repeated looking for some kind of reaction.
"Blah . . . I'm Count Chocula . . . blah . . .blah." the vampire named Count Chocula yelled. Again, no reaction.
"I didn't want to resort to this, but beware the bowl of death!! Any who eat from it will perish!!!" he shouted. Remus (after realizing that it was just ANOTHER old insane bat who lived up in a tower. . .perhaps Trelawney's uncle and had popped up from behind the desk) and James began scratching their heads. Sirius however began to sniff the air.
"What is it boy? What do you smell?" Remus said in the sweetest possible tone, trying to regain his dignity by stealing Sirius'.
"Cocoa puffs!!!" Sirius shouted as he launched himself from his sitting position and grabbed the bowl from Count Chocula. Greedily, he began to eat the contents of the bowl.
"He has a sixth sense about these things." Remus said to the dumbfounded Count.
"But . . . oh well. I'll go find someone to scare with the terrifying bowl of death!" The Count said in his most mysterious voice.
"There's more?!?!?" Sirius shouted, milk dripping down his face.
"Down Sirius, one bowl in enough for now." James said while patting his heart broken friend's back. (Well, actually his hand was going thorough Sirius, but we would like to make it seem as though James has some hand in calming his deranged friend!)
"Ahhh . . . but that's my favorite cereal!!" Sirius pouted. Remus and James patted Sirius on the back again.
~*~*~
A/N: Heheheh, that was fun! I especially liked writing the part about Orlando Bloom slithering around in the walls!! Please R&R! Reviews are the stuff writers eat, breathe and sleep. Don't take my air!!!!!!
Anrion Speaks. . . . Welp, that was interesting. Curse you Ashen for dumping that on me! AGH! Grr. . . . Alright, people, I'll start working on the next chapter pronto, so toodles till then!