TOFU

Disclaimer: I am not Takahashi Kazuki. I do not own YGO.

A/N: This fanfiction is officially back, and edited.

RA-SENT TOFU

"…plus the fact that there is more protein in 100g of tofu that in 100g of meat…"

Watching the pale-haired boy widened his eyes in comprehension, he stopped his ramble. About time too, he was running out of facts, made-up statistics and philosophies of animals having souls. Yes, animals have souls. They could have been humans once, and if you eat meat, maybe you're eating a human, and that's disgusting. Ew.

"Honto?" breathed the stunned boy. Whoa, this is tofu? Some wonderful substance that he never knew could be so nutritious. Sure, he had occasionally had some floating around in a bowl of miso soup but that was about it. It was just some bland white cube in the middle of his soup, which he usually ignored because, frankly, his SPOON had more flavour than that stuff.

"Yeah!" Enthusiastic enough? Easy, just mimic one of Yuugi's friends, cough, and at that, a particular girl who goes by the name of Anzu Masaki. "And you can marinate it, leave it in the fridge, it soaks up the flavour, and it's so versatile, too."

"Oooh." It was great! Tofu, a hell lot more healthier. More protein, practically no cholesterol, easy, versatile, flavoursome if marinated, plus the fact that you aren't eating animals. Ah, your physical and spiritual heart will thank you for it. Wonderful.

"You know, Ryou, I could give you some little booklets about tofu, how to cook it and all. Try it! I'm sure you'd like it." Malik smiled sweetly. How? Plenty of practice. How do you think he pulled off 'Namu' in front of Yuugi's friends?

Nodding furiously, Ryou laughed along with Malik. What a spiritual kid, he thought. Despite the lilac midriff top, motorcycle and attitude that screamed 'I will kick your ass anyday, minimal charge even', he could be… a committed person? Never knew he had that side, never knew he was vegetarian either. Well, only proves you learn something new everyday.

"Yes please! I'll try it out."

Handing Ryou a pile of old booklets, almost perfectly preserved in their recently brushed off layer of dust, because they were pretty much untouched by everyone else, Malik watched the elated boy jog home with a pile of booklets. He was a good salesperson? Hardly. Okay, he could be. But only when it suited him, and using those skills to whip up his revenge upon Ryou's yami, Bakura… Hey, that suited him fine.

Bakura, let's see who gets the last laugh, Malik mused.

Carrying the stacks of booklets and various pamphlets that Malik so conveniently had in his cargo pant's pocket, Ryou opened his front door and half-pranced half-bobbed beeline for the fridge. Yes! There was tofu inside!

Flipping to a random page, Ryou decided to cook, per usual, but this time, from a cookbook. Or rather, booklet.

"Oi, yadonushi, I'm home. I'm starving!"

How a spirit could starve, Ryou didn't know. But when his yami announced he was hungry, the faster you whip up a meal, the fewer things broken. That, he learnt the hard way, by experience. There once upon a time used to be a novelty sculpture on top of his coffee table, but alas, it passed away in a plastic bag and disappeared into a yellow truck, driven away and those much loved shards were never seen again.

But now is not the time for sentimentality, no, cooking dinner was at hand. And if revenge was ever evident in that boy's head, his cooking was enough to say the least.

"Hai! Itadakimasu!"

Glancing at the plate, the meal was not the usual. For one, it did not even have a vague shape or colour of steak, and knowing his yadonushi, that colour range ranged from bright red to charcoal black. He'd had a lot of experience of Ryou's cooking, and this, even in the loosest sense, did not look like a steak.

"Nani kuso?" Watching his yami twitch his eyebrow, Ryou decidedly thought he looked stupid doing that but since he'd rather have his neck and head attached, he sanely kept that comment to himself.

"Ban-go-han." Articulating each syllable sharply with a helium-breathed, anime-blocked nose and "Black Magician" finger waggling whilst making it clear to Bakura that there were other foods other than steak, meat, raw meat, bread, garlic, chicken, meat and more meat. Like TOFU. Ah, the wonderful Ra-sent tofu.

"Uh huh, do I look like a rabbit to you?" Honestly, there was NO steak…or meat for that matter. Just vegetable, some mush with green, red and yellow pellets in it and…some white block of something…something familiar….

"Enk? Ah…well…do you look like a rabbit?"

Did his yami really want that to be answered. Strictly speaking, he could answer that. But plainly speaking, if you answered truthfully to that question the next thing you know is that your soul is trapped inside a carrot and that you're being waved in front of a rabbit. Some twisted version of 'revenge' Bakura would find to be amusing. Why? Take a close look at Bakura. Look past the sneer, the twinkling Millennium Ring, ignore the instinct to steal it (for the kleptomaniacs out there, Bakura is a thief. The Thief King, for a good reason. Steal the Ring at your own risk.), look up, preferably somewhere within the hair region. There we go, what do we see? Two spiky bits of rebellious hair, thus giving you a distinct impression that he has either a superior mode of transport lodged on his head OR, like a homicidal rabbit. So, does Bakura really want to know the answer to that question?

"Don't answer that," No, guess not, "instead, so something useful. Grill a steak for me?"

"Steak? Um, there's no meat of any sort here anymore." Ryou squeaked.

"NANI KUSO?"

Giggling anxiously, the death song of those about to be killed by the broody Tomb Robber, Ryou presented and wafted Bakura's plate in his face, his life precariously hanging on tenterhooks, and hoped his dinner smelt good enough to be registered as 'edible'.

"Why. Is. There. No. Steak?"

"There's lentil stew! It's really…good…try some." Scooping a spoonful himself, he hoped he wasn't committing suicide. That 'lentil stew' resembled clag paste™ with a multitude of mini Lego™ bits mixed in it. That is if you were an avid supporter of euphemisms. That had better taste good…or I am going to die…

Swallowing, Ryou decided it wasn't going to make Bakura forgive him, but on the bright side, it wasn't going to make Bakura kill him. Right?

"No, thank you," Breathing in and out in a surprisingly controlled manner, being a spirit does not mean he was immune from blood pressure. How a spirit can have blood that is another one of the mysteries that none will bother to solve, "I think…I'll retire for the evening."

"Why?" Hey, his cooking wasn't that bad. Not like it was going to kill anyone, but then the only other person who ate his cooking was a spirit. So technically, he is dead. Not so reassuring then.

"I'm not hungry."

"You said you were starving." Ryou accused.

"I lied." Bakura said simply. "Oyasu…"

"Suwatte! O yasai mo tabe nasai…" Most people are under the impression that Japanese people are courteous…gentle…polite… Not Ryou's case. Sure, he wasn't Bakura, but what he said before…that was no "PLEASE eat your vegetables", shall we say, it was more of…YOU WILL EAT YOUR VEGETABLES OR ELSE?

"IYADA!" Disappearing into the Ring, he thanked it for the millionth time for saving him from the natural disaster, known as vegetables.

Those things are…devious for one. Somehow, they have managed to inhibit the Earth, and flourished by brainwashing parents all over the world. No one escapes them. They have brainwashed parents and forced them to put their own children to undergo a torture many receive. Eating vegetables. And now, they have made it through my barriers and invaded the boy's mind. My host is forcing me to eat vegetables? Not without a ight, boy, you won't. Memo to self: must exorcise the boy in the near future.

Still standing in the kitchen, Ryou continued to eat his dinner.

Aw, yami didn't get to eat my stew…it wasn't that bad. I liked it…I don't think that went too badly. For one, Bakura didn't kill me. I'm glad he took so well. Now come to think of it, the stew is good, and tofu is GREAT. Memo to self: must persuade Bakura to try some. Must talk to Malik. He will help me.

"Malik! You home?"

"Ryou-kun. Want to come in? Malik isn't home right now," welcomed his sister, Isis, "But he'll be back sooner or later."

"Oh thanks! I just wanted to talk to him about the booklets he gave me…"

Abruptly stopping the flow of red ruby grapefruit juice, Isis could only wonder what kind of booklets her brother would have…an assortment of tattooing booklets? Would he have given those to Ryou? Hell, his yami was already psychotic enough without his light having things inscribed onto his back.

"What booklets?" Isis looked wary.

"Oh. The ones about tofu, the one full of recipes…"

"Recipes? Sorry, I'm drawing a blank."

"Oh, never mind then. Malik was just suggesting ways to be healthy and such, so henceforth, tofu…"

"Really?" She said sceptically. Her brother may be a vegetarian but he was no fan of tofu, there was something suspicious here…something to do with Ryou and tofu…

"Do you like tofu?" she asked. Her brother, she was sure, was up to something. Why would her brother advise tofu to Ryou? He doesn't like tofu, Isis reminded herself. Malik getting Ryou to eat tofu because it's horrible? But Malik was on mutual terms with Ryou. It was just Bakura that he fought with…advising tofu to Bakura? It didn't make sense…

"Yeah, I do! The recipes are really good…why are you staring at me like that."

"You live with Bakura! I see now."

Ah, Ryou would look after Bakura because Bakura can't do it himself, and has to eat what his hikari would be eating. Therefore, because Bakura is Bakura, and Bakura has an aversion to anything vaguely healthy, tofu is her brother's revenge. Her brother was…one sly person.

Memo to self: must keep eye on Malik. Never agree with him unless properly mulled over situation.

"What?" questioned the confused boy. Of course, he lived with his yami, there was nothing he could do about it. If his yami was torturing him, Ryou couldn't really go to the police station. Really, 'Hey police peoples, my other self is torturing me, can you help me?' They'd probably 'help' you by locking you up in a loony bin.

Isis pondered over it for a moment. Should she really tell Ryou? Tofu could really be beneficial for that carnivorous tomb-robber…but since it was HER brother that was musing revenge on Ryou's darker half, you never know. She should really tell him…

"Oh, nothing."

SHOULD tell him, but nah.

"Stop." Ryou suddenly yelled.

"What?"

"The juice, stop pouring! It's going to spill!"

Stemming the flow of juice, Isis handed the glass to the observant boy who was currently wiping the mess with tissues.

"How are the recipes? Any good?"

"Yup. Made lentil stew last night…Bakura didn't seem to like it though."

"Give it time, he just needs time to get used to it." Get used to it? He probably came from a family that served the usual fare of lentil stew with flat bread every night.

"I'm home!"

"Malik! Ryou's…"

"Here! I know."

The uncanny way of siblings. For one to finish off the other's sentences.

"How's the tofu?" Feigning interest and ignoring the glare from his sister, Malik played along with his 'concerned' act. Sure, he had nothing against the boy, but getting Bakura back seemed to be more important than anything now.

"Good. I was wondering, because Bakura doesn't eat it, how can I get him to. You know, balanced diet and all."

Suppressing the need to laugh at Ryou, Malik was berating himself for not planing for this course of action. Of course, Bakura wouldn't subject to vegetables, he thought. Stupid really, almost as stupid as Ryou making sure Bakura has a balanced diet. Indeed, he was a spirit. Who has ever heard of a spirit suffering from malnutrition?

"Well, I'd say Bakura's just being stubborn and just doesn't want to try out new things. Change the appearance, make it look like meat, whatever, I'm…sure…he'd like that. Anyways, he just needs to try some on his own, you know how it is with your yami."

"Thank you so much, Malik-kun!"

Hugging the boy, the much elated Ryou half-skipped all the way home, leaving the blushing Malik sweat dropping at home.

Yes, Ryou, try hiding some tofu on Bakura's plate. If I don't see you tomorrow, well, at least I'll know why. Ban-the-vegetable supporters with his light as an avid woo-hoo-go-tofu supporter plus a plotting grave keeper? This is going to be interesting…

Translations:

Yadonushi: Landlord. This is what Bakura sometimes calls Ryou.

Itadakimasu: Something you say at the start of a meal.

Nani kuso: Japanese equivalent of WTF?!

Ban-go-han: dinner. Lit: evening rice

A/N: I know I do many notes; I am really trying to cut down. But unlike smoking, author's notes don't have patches so I'm going to have to do it depressingly hard way. Make it easier for me, and cheer me up with some reviews, ne?