Two.
What the hell did I just do? I couldn't have just done that! I let him sleep with me!
"Hey, Cloud . . ?" Oh, and there are those beautiful brown eyes again. And those soft lips. And that smooth voice . . .
"Yes?" Wait! What am I doing? I have to stop this, to get out of here. Oh, should I pretend as if I have another migraine? I should. "Can you . . . speak quietly? My head hurts more now. . ." And so does my ass.
"Sure. . ." Another soft chuckle? Why is he laughing at me? "I was just going to ask you how you felt. . ." Nnn. There he went again, running that ice-cold hand down my skin, down my stomach. "And, did you like it?"
Did I like it?! DID I LIKE IT?!
Yes. "Of course I did." It was the most wonderful feeling, that I ever felt. Painful, but for some reason, it was tender. How could Hojo be tender? He was a monster, a beast! A cold, heartless beast—who just gave me the best sex of my life?
"Good." Cold lips pressed to my neck. Cold hands held me down. Cold. Why was he so cold? 'Kill him.' What? "You aren't feeling too ill now, are you, Cloud?"
No. I'm perfectly fine. "No. . . But, I am still dizzy. Can I get some sleep, or . . . what time is it?" Holy fucking shit. If I wasn't acting like I had a migraine, I would've just sat up as fast as I could! I'm supposed to be training right now! I think.
"Time?" Never mind. Training could wait, as long as I am able to see those eyes so close. . . "It's almost eleven. Why do you ask?"
Will you kiss me? "Because. . . I am supposed to be training right now. I'm gonna get killed." Kiss me, and kiss me all over.
"I can lie." Oh, yes. Kiss me. Please? I know I shouldn't be here, I shouldn't be doing this, but. . .
"Hojo?"
"Yes, hun?" Call me hun again, kiss me.
"How come . . . you brought me here, and . . . had sex with me?" Oh, way to go. I just made an idiot out of myself. How do I keep him from laughing at me now?
Wait. He didn't laugh. He smiled! "Because. . ." 'Kill him.' "I've wanted to," 'Kill him.' "for some time now."
'Kill him.'
Why would he want to have sex with me? I'm nothing but a boy, who came here to get away from that stupid house, and those people, and that town. 'Kill him.'
"Why do you ask, anyway? Is it that odd?" Yes. It is. You seem so wonderful, so mysterious. . . So cruel. As if you could have any person you wanted, whether male, female, or whatever—and you chose me. Me.
"Not really. I was just wondering." Smile. I have to smile. Maybe he will smile back? He's so pretty, when he smiles, and when he looks happy.
'Kill him.'
He did smile. And then that cold hand ran through my hair.
'Kill him.'
"Hojo? Why me?" There we go. I got my words out, my question. Why would anyone want to sleep with me?
"Why you? Why do you ask?" Kiss me again, please. Or I'll kiss you.
"Well, because." Just tell him why. Why can't I just say things? Am I so inept of everything? Why? 'Kill him.' "I just. . ." You just think that he could have anyone, and that he should have slept with someone better than you. "I never thought that you'd want sex from me." No explanation? 'Kill him.'
"Why would you think about that?" Oh fuck. Now I have to tell him that I've wanted him for so long?! 'Kill him.'
"I. . ." You what?! MAKE SOMETHING UP! "I just. . . I was never able to figure out . . . if you were gay or not, and I. . ." Come on, keep going! "I just, always thought you'd go for women who are 'tens on the scale.' Not for something like me. . ." Oh, shit. You little fuck! You said thing instead of one. Now he's going to start asking you, if you hate yourself!
'Kill him.'
"Cloud?" Yep. There's that tone, that 'are you okay with everything' tone. "Something like you? Someone like you, is a ten. Blonde hair, blue eyes." Shut up. I don't like my hair; I want brown hair. "You have smooth skin, and you look so innocent, so carefree." Carefree?
"A ten. . ." A ten? To him? To that man, who was like, a fifteen on a one to ten scale?! "I . . ." I don't know. I don't have anything to say. I don't even know what to think. . .
"You are. But right now, I have to get back to work. . ." No! No, please. Stay here with me. Let's have sex again? "If anyone asks me where you are, I'll tell them that I needed you for something, and you got violently ill." No. Please, don't. Don't leave, don't lie. Don't make this a one time thing.
"Okay." God damnit, Cloud. Why aren't you telling him all this shit? 'Kill him.'
"Sleep, take a nap." Kiss me! Please? One last time. . ? "And if you feel like throwing up, the trash can is under the desk. I'll come back later. . ." No. Please, I'll beg you. I'll do anything. Just don't go!
"Thank you." And don't leave me! 'Kill him.' "So, so much. Thank you. . ."
What the hell did I just do? I couldn't have just done that! I let him sleep with me!
"Hey, Cloud . . ?" Oh, and there are those beautiful brown eyes again. And those soft lips. And that smooth voice . . .
"Yes?" Wait! What am I doing? I have to stop this, to get out of here. Oh, should I pretend as if I have another migraine? I should. "Can you . . . speak quietly? My head hurts more now. . ." And so does my ass.
"Sure. . ." Another soft chuckle? Why is he laughing at me? "I was just going to ask you how you felt. . ." Nnn. There he went again, running that ice-cold hand down my skin, down my stomach. "And, did you like it?"
Did I like it?! DID I LIKE IT?!
Yes. "Of course I did." It was the most wonderful feeling, that I ever felt. Painful, but for some reason, it was tender. How could Hojo be tender? He was a monster, a beast! A cold, heartless beast—who just gave me the best sex of my life?
"Good." Cold lips pressed to my neck. Cold hands held me down. Cold. Why was he so cold? 'Kill him.' What? "You aren't feeling too ill now, are you, Cloud?"
No. I'm perfectly fine. "No. . . But, I am still dizzy. Can I get some sleep, or . . . what time is it?" Holy fucking shit. If I wasn't acting like I had a migraine, I would've just sat up as fast as I could! I'm supposed to be training right now! I think.
"Time?" Never mind. Training could wait, as long as I am able to see those eyes so close. . . "It's almost eleven. Why do you ask?"
Will you kiss me? "Because. . . I am supposed to be training right now. I'm gonna get killed." Kiss me, and kiss me all over.
"I can lie." Oh, yes. Kiss me. Please? I know I shouldn't be here, I shouldn't be doing this, but. . .
"Hojo?"
"Yes, hun?" Call me hun again, kiss me.
"How come . . . you brought me here, and . . . had sex with me?" Oh, way to go. I just made an idiot out of myself. How do I keep him from laughing at me now?
Wait. He didn't laugh. He smiled! "Because. . ." 'Kill him.' "I've wanted to," 'Kill him.' "for some time now."
'Kill him.'
Why would he want to have sex with me? I'm nothing but a boy, who came here to get away from that stupid house, and those people, and that town. 'Kill him.'
"Why do you ask, anyway? Is it that odd?" Yes. It is. You seem so wonderful, so mysterious. . . So cruel. As if you could have any person you wanted, whether male, female, or whatever—and you chose me. Me.
"Not really. I was just wondering." Smile. I have to smile. Maybe he will smile back? He's so pretty, when he smiles, and when he looks happy.
'Kill him.'
He did smile. And then that cold hand ran through my hair.
'Kill him.'
"Hojo? Why me?" There we go. I got my words out, my question. Why would anyone want to sleep with me?
"Why you? Why do you ask?" Kiss me again, please. Or I'll kiss you.
"Well, because." Just tell him why. Why can't I just say things? Am I so inept of everything? Why? 'Kill him.' "I just. . ." You just think that he could have anyone, and that he should have slept with someone better than you. "I never thought that you'd want sex from me." No explanation? 'Kill him.'
"Why would you think about that?" Oh fuck. Now I have to tell him that I've wanted him for so long?! 'Kill him.'
"I. . ." You what?! MAKE SOMETHING UP! "I just. . . I was never able to figure out . . . if you were gay or not, and I. . ." Come on, keep going! "I just, always thought you'd go for women who are 'tens on the scale.' Not for something like me. . ." Oh, shit. You little fuck! You said thing instead of one. Now he's going to start asking you, if you hate yourself!
'Kill him.'
"Cloud?" Yep. There's that tone, that 'are you okay with everything' tone. "Something like you? Someone like you, is a ten. Blonde hair, blue eyes." Shut up. I don't like my hair; I want brown hair. "You have smooth skin, and you look so innocent, so carefree." Carefree?
"A ten. . ." A ten? To him? To that man, who was like, a fifteen on a one to ten scale?! "I . . ." I don't know. I don't have anything to say. I don't even know what to think. . .
"You are. But right now, I have to get back to work. . ." No! No, please. Stay here with me. Let's have sex again? "If anyone asks me where you are, I'll tell them that I needed you for something, and you got violently ill." No. Please, don't. Don't leave, don't lie. Don't make this a one time thing.
"Okay." God damnit, Cloud. Why aren't you telling him all this shit? 'Kill him.'
"Sleep, take a nap." Kiss me! Please? One last time. . ? "And if you feel like throwing up, the trash can is under the desk. I'll come back later. . ." No. Please, I'll beg you. I'll do anything. Just don't go!
"Thank you." And don't leave me! 'Kill him.' "So, so much. Thank you. . ."