Three.
Perhaps this is just some sort of game? Maybe he hates me? . . . or maybe, I'm just being used as a toy?
Perhaps all I am . . . is a toy.
I don't deserve this, to be treated the way I am by people. As if . . . as if I'm some sort of person. A person. Someone to love, to be friends with. Something to talk to, to have fun with. . . A person. I don't deserve it. I'm not what they think I am. I'm nothing. . . Nothing . . . at all.
"Why would they think . . . that I'm someone?" Why? All I am is something . . . a toy. A thing to throw around, and to toss aside . . . when you're done. "I know, that I'm nothing. So why . . . do they like me? How come . . ?" Kill him. "I . . . I wish I could be . . . what they think I am. I so . . . so dearly wish. . ." Just get it over with. Kill him. "But I can't. . . I'm too weak."
Too weak.
That is all I am. Weak. Powerless. Something I don't know, and . . . never will know. Something that no one needs to see. A thing.
A weak, useless thing.
Kill him. "So weak. . ." Perhaps . . . I should. Perhaps I should rid the world of him. He's nothing. . .
"Cloud?" No. Leave me alone. Get out of here. . . "Unlock the door."
Never.
"Cloud? Are you okay in there?" I said leave me alone. Why . . . would they bother with me? Bother this thing. This piece of shit that has no right to be here. . ?
"Yeah. I'm fine. . ." No. I can't believe I just did that. "Sorry. I was . . . zoning out. . ." If only I could tell the truth. Make eye contact and admit this. . . But I'm just weak. You're so weak.
Kill him.
"Are you alright?" Oh god. His eyes. Why can't he leave me alone? He's just using me as a toy, isn't he? Just something to play with, then throw away. . . But I guess that's what I'm here for. To be used.
Then thrown away.
"Cloud? Really. . . Come on." No. I told you to leave me the fuck alone!
"Okay." There you go again, giving in! You weak piece of shit. Resist him, or something! He's just going to use you. "I'm really sorry. . ." Sorry. For being here, and wasting your time. I don't mean to. . . I'm really, really sorry.
"Sorry, for what? Come on." Where is he taking me? Back to his bed, so he can fuck me again and go back to work? "You look sick."
I look sick? Why . . . would he care? "I'm fine." Yes. I'm fine. I'll smile for you and everything. . .
"Alright. But, you shouldn't have locked yourself in the bathroom. It's cold in there. . ." But no one could get to me in there. No one will find me in there, at least. "You might get sick, if the Makou is harming your immune system."
"I'll be okay . . . really. . ." Yes. I will. If I keep smiling, I'll be just fine. At least . . . those fucks who think I'm worth something, will think I'm fine. Isn't that all that matters? If they think that I'm okay, then everything is okay. How ignorant.
Kill him. "Cloud. Lay down. And I'm starting to worry. You were so happy before, but now all you do is zone out. You get this weird look in your eyes." Because I don't understand! I don't see why you waste your time with me. . . I'm nothing. Nothing compared to you. You're so . . . so wonderful. So intelligent, and beautiful. Your eyes, they're just . . . I wish . . . everyone had eyes like yours. . . "Cloud?"
"Oh. I'm sorry. . ." Your beautiful eyes. Everyone should have eyes like that. . . "I guess I'm just really . . . tired lately. . ." Yes. Lie. Make yourself worth so much less. "Sorry."
Kill him.
"Don't apologize to me. It's probably the Makou." Yeah. That's what it is. The Makou . . . making me a better object to play with? Would you have thought of me, if I was just someone you ran into one day on the street, and you only saw that once? Or is it just . . . because I'm here. Easily taken over, because I'm so weak? And I'm your play thing. Your object to experiment on . . . just like all those other fucks out there, who are throwing their lives away. They're too good for this. . . Unlike me.
"Yeah." Yeah. That's it. Agree with him. . . That bastard, who's just using you. Kill him.
"Come on. Lie down and get some sleep. . . You need it." No I don't. I slept all day. I want to get out of here. Don't you understand that?
"Okay." Kill him. "But . . . I don't want to trouble you. Can . . . can I go back, to my dorm?" Please, please let me go back. I can't be here anymore. I can't look at those eyes anymore . . . I can't hear your voice anymore. It's . . . not that . . . I don't want to. I just . . . I can't.
"No. It's fine, if you stay here. You won't mind sharing a bed with me, will you?" No. . . No I won't. But I want to be alone. I want . . . to get away from everyone. . .
"It's okay. . ." No. No it's not. Fucking open your mouth and tell him that you want to go back to your own room!
Kill him.
"Good night then." No. Don't turn the light off, don't kiss my forehead again. Leave me be, and let me go back to my own room! . . . but he's right here, holding me. Perhaps . . . this isn't a game? Maybe this isn't some kind of trick, and maybe . . . he does care?
But, why care about me?
I'm nothing.
Perhaps this is just some sort of game? Maybe he hates me? . . . or maybe, I'm just being used as a toy?
Perhaps all I am . . . is a toy.
I don't deserve this, to be treated the way I am by people. As if . . . as if I'm some sort of person. A person. Someone to love, to be friends with. Something to talk to, to have fun with. . . A person. I don't deserve it. I'm not what they think I am. I'm nothing. . . Nothing . . . at all.
"Why would they think . . . that I'm someone?" Why? All I am is something . . . a toy. A thing to throw around, and to toss aside . . . when you're done. "I know, that I'm nothing. So why . . . do they like me? How come . . ?" Kill him. "I . . . I wish I could be . . . what they think I am. I so . . . so dearly wish. . ." Just get it over with. Kill him. "But I can't. . . I'm too weak."
Too weak.
That is all I am. Weak. Powerless. Something I don't know, and . . . never will know. Something that no one needs to see. A thing.
A weak, useless thing.
Kill him. "So weak. . ." Perhaps . . . I should. Perhaps I should rid the world of him. He's nothing. . .
"Cloud?" No. Leave me alone. Get out of here. . . "Unlock the door."
Never.
"Cloud? Are you okay in there?" I said leave me alone. Why . . . would they bother with me? Bother this thing. This piece of shit that has no right to be here. . ?
"Yeah. I'm fine. . ." No. I can't believe I just did that. "Sorry. I was . . . zoning out. . ." If only I could tell the truth. Make eye contact and admit this. . . But I'm just weak. You're so weak.
Kill him.
"Are you alright?" Oh god. His eyes. Why can't he leave me alone? He's just using me as a toy, isn't he? Just something to play with, then throw away. . . But I guess that's what I'm here for. To be used.
Then thrown away.
"Cloud? Really. . . Come on." No. I told you to leave me the fuck alone!
"Okay." There you go again, giving in! You weak piece of shit. Resist him, or something! He's just going to use you. "I'm really sorry. . ." Sorry. For being here, and wasting your time. I don't mean to. . . I'm really, really sorry.
"Sorry, for what? Come on." Where is he taking me? Back to his bed, so he can fuck me again and go back to work? "You look sick."
I look sick? Why . . . would he care? "I'm fine." Yes. I'm fine. I'll smile for you and everything. . .
"Alright. But, you shouldn't have locked yourself in the bathroom. It's cold in there. . ." But no one could get to me in there. No one will find me in there, at least. "You might get sick, if the Makou is harming your immune system."
"I'll be okay . . . really. . ." Yes. I will. If I keep smiling, I'll be just fine. At least . . . those fucks who think I'm worth something, will think I'm fine. Isn't that all that matters? If they think that I'm okay, then everything is okay. How ignorant.
Kill him. "Cloud. Lay down. And I'm starting to worry. You were so happy before, but now all you do is zone out. You get this weird look in your eyes." Because I don't understand! I don't see why you waste your time with me. . . I'm nothing. Nothing compared to you. You're so . . . so wonderful. So intelligent, and beautiful. Your eyes, they're just . . . I wish . . . everyone had eyes like yours. . . "Cloud?"
"Oh. I'm sorry. . ." Your beautiful eyes. Everyone should have eyes like that. . . "I guess I'm just really . . . tired lately. . ." Yes. Lie. Make yourself worth so much less. "Sorry."
Kill him.
"Don't apologize to me. It's probably the Makou." Yeah. That's what it is. The Makou . . . making me a better object to play with? Would you have thought of me, if I was just someone you ran into one day on the street, and you only saw that once? Or is it just . . . because I'm here. Easily taken over, because I'm so weak? And I'm your play thing. Your object to experiment on . . . just like all those other fucks out there, who are throwing their lives away. They're too good for this. . . Unlike me.
"Yeah." Yeah. That's it. Agree with him. . . That bastard, who's just using you. Kill him.
"Come on. Lie down and get some sleep. . . You need it." No I don't. I slept all day. I want to get out of here. Don't you understand that?
"Okay." Kill him. "But . . . I don't want to trouble you. Can . . . can I go back, to my dorm?" Please, please let me go back. I can't be here anymore. I can't look at those eyes anymore . . . I can't hear your voice anymore. It's . . . not that . . . I don't want to. I just . . . I can't.
"No. It's fine, if you stay here. You won't mind sharing a bed with me, will you?" No. . . No I won't. But I want to be alone. I want . . . to get away from everyone. . .
"It's okay. . ." No. No it's not. Fucking open your mouth and tell him that you want to go back to your own room!
Kill him.
"Good night then." No. Don't turn the light off, don't kiss my forehead again. Leave me be, and let me go back to my own room! . . . but he's right here, holding me. Perhaps . . . this isn't a game? Maybe this isn't some kind of trick, and maybe . . . he does care?
But, why care about me?
I'm nothing.