Four.
All night last night . . . he kept kissing me. Pressing those cold lips to my skin. . . Why would he keep doing that, as if . . . I was some kind of precious thing? Something to cherish. . .
"Hun?" There he goes again. I . . . I had to smile. I have to. "Did you sleep well?" In between those kissing sessions . . ? No. I was awake . . . all night. Hoping you'd kiss me one more time.
"Yeah." No. "I slept real well . . . thanks." Kiss me one last time? Before you decide I'm not worth your time . . ? Please?
"You're welcome." Another chuckle. Those always . . . made me cold. Maybe that's why he's so cold? Or maybe that's why everyone thinks he's so disgusting? Because he's so calculated and measured, and knows how to get just what he wants. . . I like that. I love that, about him. . . But it's so horrible, that he's so good . . . at manipulating people.
Is he . . . controlling me . . ?
"When was the last time you ate, hun?" Stop calling me that, please? You're getting me in so much trouble, for not going to my training sessions, and staying in my room . . . you're keeping me here, for your own pleasure. . . Are you . . . going to make me go back to everything, and not cover for me?
Are you going to let them punish me?
That's . . . probably what he's going to do. I know it is. . . "Hun?"
Oh. Sorry. I was thinking, about how cruel and heartless you are. "Sorry. . . I'm still waking up." Lies. "I don't know. . . Yesterday morning, before I went for the Makou injections." Now that you mention it . . . I feel hungry. But . . . eating, sounds so disgusting at the moment. . . So vile.
"I'll go get you something to eat then. . . I'll be back, in a few minutes." Okay. . . I'm hungry now. So what if it's disgusting? I sighed. Why? Do I want him to find out, what I'm really thinking about? No . . . it was just a sigh. People sigh all the time.
He's so handsome. . . Getting dressed, over there by his dresser. I really wish I could be like him. Just like him . . . who cares how old he is? He's so . . . beautiful.
I want to be beautiful. To be smart, and rich . . . and famous. Like him. So what, if he's famous for his cruelty for his experiments and stuff? People everywhere know his name, at least. . .
I wonder what he did to Gast. People said he killed him. . . I wonder if that's true? I hope not. Wouldn't he be in jail now, if he'd done that? Kicked out of ShinRa, and mocked for such a deed? No. . . He probably did kill him, then manipulated everyone. Made them believe something so very wrong. . . Something he wanted them to believe.
Like . . . he's probably doing to me. Making me believe that he wants me, that he might care for me. I wonder if he loves me? . . . no. Why would he love something like me? I mean . . . I'm just a thing. As I said before. . . Nothing but an object. Something to play with. That's all he's doing, right? Playing with me. With my body, and with my mind . . . right?
That has to be it.
"Cloud?" Huh? Oh. . . He's back. And he brought me food. But . . . I don't want to eat. Maybe I can waste away, if I don't eat. "Here you go, hun. I didn't get you much, since I don't know what you like." No, no he didn't get me much. Fruit, some muffins . . . and is that orange juice, or some kind of . . . weird . . . thing? Who knows.
"Thank you." Smile at him. Make everything seem okay. You know you have to, or he'll end up asking you what's wrong again. And then . . . you'll have to lie again. All you do is lie, lately. Why is that?
Why can't you tell people, what's wrong?
Kill him.
Oh no. It's back. 'Kill him' is back. . . "What do you want to do? I don't think you should be training . . . you look too fatigued."
I love you. "I . . . don't know. I guess I can just . . . hang around in your labs all day?" Did you . . . just say that to him? What if he says no? What if . . . oh dear lord. What if he thinks you love him?! I mean . . . no. I do, but. . . No. You can't!
"If you want to, you can." I can? Oh, thank you. . . "But if anyone comes in to look for you, or if anyone makes you go back . . . we'll have to tell them that you're too ill from the Makou, okay?" What's that look in his eyes?
He's smiling.
Why?
"I know you're faking it."
Oh shit. He knows? "I'm not . . . faking it. I really am . . . a little dizzy. . ." Now I am. Now that he knows! Maybe, if I look away and pick at my food, he'll stop talking to me?
"Yes you are." And then he got up. Does he not care? Does he . . . does he know that . . . I'm nothing, and that I don't deserve him? Kill him.
"Hojo . . . I mean. . . Sorry." Shit. Now he's going to touch me with another one of those cold hands of his.
"Sorry, for what?" And he did. Right through my hair. Kill him.
"I didn't mean to call you by your name. I shouldn't have. . ."
"How come?" How come? You're my superior. You deserve more respect. I'm just a lowly piece of shit, and you . . . you're this cruel, beautiful creature. . . "I think you should get to call me by my first name. I mean . . . we've had sex."
Oh, yes. Go ahead! Make me choke on my muffin. Good thing I avoided doing that. . . But. . . He just said it so openly, as if it was nothing to be ashamed of. Does he care about me, or . . . or has he just slept with so many people that it's nothing to hide for him? He . . . he took my virginity. . .
"Get dressed, and come down to the labs. I'll be in my office." Okay. . . Fine. If I show up. I might just stay in here . . . I don't deserve to be treated this way. You're getting me out of things I should do, but don't want to do. You're letting me spend time with you. With you. A cruel Angel.
"I'll be there . . . in a few minutes. . ."
All night last night . . . he kept kissing me. Pressing those cold lips to my skin. . . Why would he keep doing that, as if . . . I was some kind of precious thing? Something to cherish. . .
"Hun?" There he goes again. I . . . I had to smile. I have to. "Did you sleep well?" In between those kissing sessions . . ? No. I was awake . . . all night. Hoping you'd kiss me one more time.
"Yeah." No. "I slept real well . . . thanks." Kiss me one last time? Before you decide I'm not worth your time . . ? Please?
"You're welcome." Another chuckle. Those always . . . made me cold. Maybe that's why he's so cold? Or maybe that's why everyone thinks he's so disgusting? Because he's so calculated and measured, and knows how to get just what he wants. . . I like that. I love that, about him. . . But it's so horrible, that he's so good . . . at manipulating people.
Is he . . . controlling me . . ?
"When was the last time you ate, hun?" Stop calling me that, please? You're getting me in so much trouble, for not going to my training sessions, and staying in my room . . . you're keeping me here, for your own pleasure. . . Are you . . . going to make me go back to everything, and not cover for me?
Are you going to let them punish me?
That's . . . probably what he's going to do. I know it is. . . "Hun?"
Oh. Sorry. I was thinking, about how cruel and heartless you are. "Sorry. . . I'm still waking up." Lies. "I don't know. . . Yesterday morning, before I went for the Makou injections." Now that you mention it . . . I feel hungry. But . . . eating, sounds so disgusting at the moment. . . So vile.
"I'll go get you something to eat then. . . I'll be back, in a few minutes." Okay. . . I'm hungry now. So what if it's disgusting? I sighed. Why? Do I want him to find out, what I'm really thinking about? No . . . it was just a sigh. People sigh all the time.
He's so handsome. . . Getting dressed, over there by his dresser. I really wish I could be like him. Just like him . . . who cares how old he is? He's so . . . beautiful.
I want to be beautiful. To be smart, and rich . . . and famous. Like him. So what, if he's famous for his cruelty for his experiments and stuff? People everywhere know his name, at least. . .
I wonder what he did to Gast. People said he killed him. . . I wonder if that's true? I hope not. Wouldn't he be in jail now, if he'd done that? Kicked out of ShinRa, and mocked for such a deed? No. . . He probably did kill him, then manipulated everyone. Made them believe something so very wrong. . . Something he wanted them to believe.
Like . . . he's probably doing to me. Making me believe that he wants me, that he might care for me. I wonder if he loves me? . . . no. Why would he love something like me? I mean . . . I'm just a thing. As I said before. . . Nothing but an object. Something to play with. That's all he's doing, right? Playing with me. With my body, and with my mind . . . right?
That has to be it.
"Cloud?" Huh? Oh. . . He's back. And he brought me food. But . . . I don't want to eat. Maybe I can waste away, if I don't eat. "Here you go, hun. I didn't get you much, since I don't know what you like." No, no he didn't get me much. Fruit, some muffins . . . and is that orange juice, or some kind of . . . weird . . . thing? Who knows.
"Thank you." Smile at him. Make everything seem okay. You know you have to, or he'll end up asking you what's wrong again. And then . . . you'll have to lie again. All you do is lie, lately. Why is that?
Why can't you tell people, what's wrong?
Kill him.
Oh no. It's back. 'Kill him' is back. . . "What do you want to do? I don't think you should be training . . . you look too fatigued."
I love you. "I . . . don't know. I guess I can just . . . hang around in your labs all day?" Did you . . . just say that to him? What if he says no? What if . . . oh dear lord. What if he thinks you love him?! I mean . . . no. I do, but. . . No. You can't!
"If you want to, you can." I can? Oh, thank you. . . "But if anyone comes in to look for you, or if anyone makes you go back . . . we'll have to tell them that you're too ill from the Makou, okay?" What's that look in his eyes?
He's smiling.
Why?
"I know you're faking it."
Oh shit. He knows? "I'm not . . . faking it. I really am . . . a little dizzy. . ." Now I am. Now that he knows! Maybe, if I look away and pick at my food, he'll stop talking to me?
"Yes you are." And then he got up. Does he not care? Does he . . . does he know that . . . I'm nothing, and that I don't deserve him? Kill him.
"Hojo . . . I mean. . . Sorry." Shit. Now he's going to touch me with another one of those cold hands of his.
"Sorry, for what?" And he did. Right through my hair. Kill him.
"I didn't mean to call you by your name. I shouldn't have. . ."
"How come?" How come? You're my superior. You deserve more respect. I'm just a lowly piece of shit, and you . . . you're this cruel, beautiful creature. . . "I think you should get to call me by my first name. I mean . . . we've had sex."
Oh, yes. Go ahead! Make me choke on my muffin. Good thing I avoided doing that. . . But. . . He just said it so openly, as if it was nothing to be ashamed of. Does he care about me, or . . . or has he just slept with so many people that it's nothing to hide for him? He . . . he took my virginity. . .
"Get dressed, and come down to the labs. I'll be in my office." Okay. . . Fine. If I show up. I might just stay in here . . . I don't deserve to be treated this way. You're getting me out of things I should do, but don't want to do. You're letting me spend time with you. With you. A cruel Angel.
"I'll be there . . . in a few minutes. . ."