Title: All of Me

Pairing: Angel/Cordelia

Summary: Set after the episode where Angel sees Cordy as a higher being. Well, during and after, I guess.
Disclaimer: The characters/setting used in this story are not mine. They belong to Mutant Enemy and Joss Whedon, etc. "My Immortal" is mental property to whoever wrote it, and all that jazz. However, the actual story is mine. Please don't steal.


All of Me by Esperanza Fuega

These wounds won't seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There's just too much that time cannot erase...

Evanescence, "My Immortal"

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"There was all this light around her, and the light seemed to be made up of ... pure joy."

What a corny line. But that's how she looked. Happy. Happy like I could never make her. What have I got to offer someone like her? I'm gonna die sooner or later. Might be sooner, could be later. Not exactly rolling in the money, either -- she couldn't have a nice life with me. The kind of life she deserves, in the sunshine.

Well, she could, for about three seconds. And then she would be a widow. I don't even know if she loves me, anyway. I mean, I have bad teeth. Have you seen my teeth? They're not exactly shiny. And they have a tendency to be kind of pointy. Oh, God, what if I bit her? What if Angelus came out to play, and he got her... Oh, God. Cordelia's blood on my hands, in my body... That's why the Powers took her for this Higher Being gig. Permanent, yeah. So I couldn't hurt her. It's best.

It's not like I ever loved her.

Who am I kidding? She was it for me. Buffy was nice, but Cordelia's... it. What is it with me and the ones I can't have? Talk about playing hard to get; the girls I want are damn near impossible. One's a Slayer, the other's a goddess, or something near it. I think I have some issues. Where's a good therapist when you need 'em, yeah?

I didn't love her.

I didn't. I can't give her what she wants; she'd die with me anyway. Someway or another, she'd be dead, and I'd have myself to blame. Just another burden on my shoulders.

I didn't love her. I didn't. I didn't love her!

I didn't love her... Not for the longest time. I didn't like her... Didn't like having to work with her. Hated her moodswings, her intrusiveness and biting remarks. She couldn't make coffee, didn't know how to file, didn't do anything right.

And then it changed. Not overnight. Over time. She matured, I accepted. We grew. Into a team, a close-working unit. We could read each other's moves and moods.

I liked her as a person. And she liked me.

And we were a team.

She's happier now, now that she's with the Powers that Be. Pure joy, joy she could never have with me. I'm happy for her. I'm happy. Happy as a clam.

Joyful. Like that light. Beautiful, beautiful Cordy, so happy and light. Why she never made it as an actress, I'll never know. She had the talent. God knows she had the talent.

I should have turned her. She could have been my childe, and I would have taught her the ways of the dark. We might have been happy together, as happy together as she is apart from me.

Happy. She's happy. So am I.

These tears are tears of happiness.

I love you, Cordy. Come home.

You used to captivate me

By your resonating light

But now I'm bound by the life you left behind.

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone

But though you're still with me

I've been alone all along...