Standard disclaimer issues apply. Aside from Juno and Nick, I don't own ANY
of the characters (guests or parodies, etc.) on the show or "Whose Line"
for that matter, or tonight's special guest.
Ravenf6: En taro Adun Ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to another edition of "Whose Line is it Anyway?" On tonight's show:
He speaks softly and has wild red hair, Kenshin Himura!
Has cat-ears and carries a really big sword, Inuyasha!
Speaks frankly and carries a sharp stick, Cid Highwind!
And...
Speaks sinisterly and carries a magic stick, Maleficent the sorceress!
I'm your host, Ravenf6, let's go and have some fun!
Audience applauds loudly as ravenf6 gets to his throne at the desk.
Ravenf6: Welcome once again to "Whose Line is it Anyway?" The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. Just like Rogaine to Inuyasha.
Inuyasha: What the hell did you say??
Ravenf6: SIT!!
Inu goes splat on the floor.
Cid: Whoa, that's something you don't see everyday...
Everyone laughs uproariously except for Maleficent who laughs wickedly.
Ravenf6: Kagome's not the only one with a way with words. If you forgot how this show works, these four are going to perform off the top of their heads, get awarded fakey points, and at the end we pick a winner. The winner gets to do something special with me while the loser has to be Maleficent's next guinea pig.
More laughter.
Inuyasha: That's it, I'm outta here. There's no way I'm sticking around here (starts to leave but finds something missing...).
Ravenf6: (holds up a familiar beaten up-looking sword) You will if you want the Tetsusaiga back. (Inu shuts up). I'd like to thank our guests for being here tonight. Especially to Kenshin who was generous enough to come back.
Kenshin: It is no trouble at all, Raven. That it is not. I just wished that Miss Kaoru didn't have that hammer when she went crazy.
Ravenf6: I know. Aoshi told me all about it.
Inuyasha: Don't tell me you have respect for this jerk?
Kenshin: I wouldn't say such things, Inuyasha. This one can do all sorts of things unimaginable
Cid: Yeah, this kid can turn ya inside out in a heartbeat so sit down and shut up you son-of-a-
Ravenf6: -Watch your mouth: even if he is one in a weird kind of sense, you can't say THAT word here!
Inuyasha: WHAT WAS THAT?!?!?
Maleficent: You would be wise to watch your tongue, half-demon. As writer of this piece of fiction, his powers surpass even my own.
Ravenf6: Moving on, let's start with a game called "News Reporters". This is for everyone. Inuyasha, you're going to be the host on a news show but your three co-stars aren't normal reporters. Maleficent and Cid) Maleficent's going to be your co-reporter, she's a cold-hearted dog trainer.
Audience laughs
Ravenf6: Kenshin's going to do sports, he's gradually turning into a sea lion. And Cid will be doing the weather; he turns into the incredible Hulk after one too many attempts made to stop his swearing. So when you're ready, take it away.
Music: News show type theme.
Inuyasha: Welcome to the 7 o'clock news. I'm your host, Gonnakill Someonelater.
Audience laughs.
Inuyasha: Covering our top story, the unthinkable has happened as Dragonball Z fans have begun a campaign of world domination.
Audience roars with laughter
Inuyasha: Apparently this was stemmed from collective vengeance against those who would oppose their values and say that the anime series itself sucks. We turn to my co-anchor Anita Booze with more on this story.
Monitor reads "cold-hearted dog obedience trainer".
Maleficent: Don't speak unless I tell you.
Inuyasha: What?
Maleficent: And I thought I told you to stop chewing on my books! (Zaps Inuyasha with a lightning spell)
Audience laughs
Inuyasha: Take it easy, I was just asking about the news.
Maleficent: Lay down you pathetic mongrel, unless you want the choke chain again.
Inuyasha: ... I think I need a vacation. Let's see what's happening in sports with Scarface Mcmutton. Scarface?
Kenshin: (Monitor reads "Gradually turns into a playful sea lion".) Hmm. In today's sports, the Cleveland Browns will not be playing in the 2005 playoffs. My sources say that the players and coaches committed suicide and (barks like a sea lion). Oro (sweat drops)... what I meant to say was that (acts like he's balancing a ball on his nose) they died from the shame- (Barks again, audience laughs) No, no, no! I was just- (starts making choking noises) can't...stop...thinking...about ... fish!!! Gomen nessai viewers but I'm- (goes completely sea lion, barking and clapping fins. Audience roars with laughter as ravenf6 holds out a fish and Kenshin waddles up to it trying to get it.)
Inuyasha: (sweat drops) This just in: Sea lion reporters make ratings soar.
Audience laughs.
Maleficent: (smacks Inuyasha with her staff) Bad dog! No dinner for you tonight. I don't know why I'm bothering with you.
Inuyasha: (angry scowl) This just in: I'm gonna kick someone's ass! But first let's check out the weather with Stu Pididiot. Stu?
Monitor: "Turns into the Incredible Hulk after one too many attempts made to shut up his profanity"
Cid: Thank you very much. (Starts lighting a cigarette) Today, we're experiencing a heat wave in California, mostly due to the fires and- (turns to the side and talks to an invisible person) –whaddya mean I can't smoke here?? Audience laughs.
Cid: What?? A lawsuit?? Ah (bleep! Bleep!) Stupid- (urk!)... Moving on, you should watch for signs of rain as you drive home tonight- what now?? What?! I can't swear either?? Damn Disney suits, I'll say (Bleep!) as much as I (Bleep!) want, you sons-of- (Bleep! Bleep!) ... Uh-oh.... (Starts staggering about the area clutching his chest) No.. Not now.. I can't – rrrrr.. RRAGGH!!!! (Tears his shirt open, and turns huge and green). HULK MAD!! HULK SMASH!!! (Starts smashing anything he can get his hands on) ME SMASH ANY WHO STOP ME TALKING!!! (Turns to Kenshin and roars) Hulk no like sea lions!!! (Kenshin sweat drops while the brute advances on him)
Ravenf6: hits the buzzer but Cid is still in 'Hulk' mode.
Inuyasha: Hey, are there any jewel shards on this guy?
Ravenf6: No there aren't-this is Cid's latent rage pent up from his Kingdom Hearts period!! (Ducks to avoid getting hit with a flying chair) Security!
Audience starts laughing and screaming as Cid continues his rampage-on-the- stage. Inuyasha tries to use Iron Reaver Soul Stealers on Cid while Maleficent conjures up defender heartless to restrain the mad pilot. Kenshin tries Hiten Mitsurugi but nothing affects Cid until he snaps and reverts back to his not-really-mild-mannered self.
Cid: (heavy breathing) .... Back to you.
Inuyasha: This just in, Survivor finally gets cancelled. Thank you, and good night!
Audience is silent for a moment but soon applauds like crazy.
Ravenf6: Wow... if I had a diamond for every time someone went berserk. 1000 points to everyone, and a new airplane to the best Hulk in the world, Cid Highwind!
Cid: Aww, it was no big deal. (Puts on a new shirt and his pilot's jacket)
Ravenf6: That will go down in history: you da man, Cid! (gives him the thumbs-up)
Kenshin: I'm so glad Miss Karou doesn't transform when she gets mad.
Ravenf6: Our next game is 'film noir'. This one's for Inuyasha and Maleficent (both of them come down on the stage. These two are going to act out a monologue film-noir scene like an old 1940's movie. (Turns to the audience) Now what I need a weird place for a film noir scene?
Various audience members (VAM for short): Library! Comic book store! Roman palace!
Ravenf6: Roman palace it is! So when you two are ready, take it away.
Music: blues-type music
Inuyasha: (steps out) I've been on the trail of the evil Empress Oldrench for 50 years.
Audience laughs
Inuyasha: All clues lead to ancient Rome, and now it's time for me to slay her. (Steps back and talks normal) Hey, you. Have you seen an ugly old hag named Oldrench?
Audience laughs
Maleficent: (steps out) I knew he was talking about. But what he didn't know was that I'm the ugly lady who can kill him with a thought... but I decided to play along. (Steps back in) Who wants to know?
Inuyasha: Would you believe a solicitor? (Steps out) It was then I made my first mistake: No one likes a solicitor...I sell hair products as a side business.
Ravenf6 and audience laugh
Maleficent: (steps out) why would I need hair products? I'm a dark sorceress bent on causing pain and misery. I'm wearing a horned headdress: is he THAT blind?
More laughter.
Maleficent: (Still monologue) But I found a good use for him. (Steps in) No, but.. Are those real cat ears?
Even more laughter
Inuyasha: (Steps out) Why does everyone try to touch my ears?? This was the last straw; if anyone else messes with my ears, they're getting a date with death! (Steps in) What's that behind you??
Maleficent turns around while Inuyasha takes out an invisible dagger.
Maleficent: (Steps out) I knew who he was: a bad-tempered test subject who escaped 50 years ago. I can never forget his face; He was never one for grooming. (Steps in) I saw that!
The two of them start wrestling over the 'dagger'. But Maleficent gets it
Maleficent: Aha! I've got you now!
Inuyasha: Damn! (Steps out) Everything was going as planned. Now it was time to unleash my secret weapon. (Steps in and puts head phones on the sorceress and starts a walkman
Maleficent: AGH! MICHAEL BOLTEN MUSIC!!! MAKE IT STOP!!! (starts collapsing)
Ravenf6 hits the buzzer and audience applauds.
Ravenf6: That was pretty cool. A hundred points go to Kenshin and Cid for that one.
Inuyasha: What?? They did nothing!
Ravenf6: You lost the points for using the Forbidden music. But you get this back: (throws the Tetsusaiga into the stage.)
Audience applauds.
Ravenf6: So now, we'll take a commercial break. Stick around for more "Whose Line": don't go away.
Act 2:
Audience applauds
Ravenf6: Welcome back to "Whose Line is it, anyway?" The show where points are made up and none of the contestants have to answer impossible questions to get ahead. Before we get to our next game, I have a surprise. This next game is called living scenery, this one's for Kenshin and Cid, and will be assisted by two special guests. If you folks remember, I was a once a guest on another 'Whose Line' fic. These two guys made a request to be on the show and I was more than happy to grant it. One of them is the host of the aforementioned fic and the other is a young, but brilliant writer whose works inspire me to continue this fic. Please give it up ladies and gentlemen for Alex Puleo and Fanfic writer, Key16!!
Everyone applauds as ravenf6, Key16, and Alex shake hands.
Ravenf6: Welcome to the show.
Key16: It's good to be here, raven.
Alex: Man, we had a lot of fun last time.
Ravenf6:I'll say. It was pure comedic genius.
Alex: Remember about that duet song with Tidus and Yuna?
Ravenf6: Oh yeah, I'll never forget that one.
Inuyasha: Can we get on with it already!!!??
Ravenf6: (snaps his finger and a anvil is tied to Inuyasha's head) SIT!!
Inu goes splat again, only this time through the floor.
Ravenf6: We sure did. Having Hades as Wakka practically slayed me. Now then, these two will help out in game called "Living scenery." What happens is that Key and Alex will be acting out a scene, but the problem is someone took all the props. So now they have to use Kenshin as Cid as all the props instead.
Kenshin: It's good to be working with you two. Your fics are very funny, that they are.
Alex: You think so?
Cid: My god, that was crazy. Especially that "What are you trying to say?" one. I never thought anyone would be as angry as I was.
Ravenf6: Yeah, who'd have thought Sora had it in him?
Maleficent: As much as you four would like to stroll down memory lane, I must remind you that the show must go on.
Ravenf6: Too true. Now what I need from the audience is the name of a place you would go on a vacation.
VAM: Hawaii! Theme park! Las Vegas!
Ravenf6: Say, that's a good one; I've got a trip planned passing through that way in a few weeks anyway. So let's start the scene...
Alex is snoring on the floor with Cid on top of him like a comforter. Key 16 comes in with Kenshin's arms wrapped around him like a bathrobe. Audience laughs
Key16: Hey, Alex. It's time to get up.
Alex:??? Oh, is it morning already? (Throws Cid off him and gets up)
Key16: Yeah, you sure had a lot to drink last night.
Alex: (Goes to a 'sink', turning Cid's goggles to get some water) So ... what are we going to do today?
Key 16: Well, I was thinking we could do some gambling. But we've gotta take a bus first.
Cid and Kenshin squat down on their knees to make a 'bus'.
Alex: Okay. I feel lucky right now. Hey, this bus isn't going anywhere. Go see what's wrong with it.
Key16 gets out
Key16: Oh no wonder: This bus' got a flat. Let me just fix it
Key16 starts lifting Kenshin's ponytail like it was a car jack, with him rising with each lift. Key16 takes Cid and Curls him up behind Kenshin
Audience cheers, Ravenf6 doubles over with laughter
Key16: There, this new tire should do it.
Alex: Let's go!
The whole group goes slowly to simulate a bus taking off for a minute
Alex: Okay, we're here. Where do you wanna start?
Key 6: I think I'll try the slots.
Key goes up to Cid and raises his arm.
Key16: Come on 7s!
Cid starts shaking like a blender
Key 16: All right!!!! (Starts scooping the money in his pockets)
Alex: I'll go for the dice table (grabs Kenshin by the neck and starts shaking him) come on 6! Daddy needs a new keyblade! (Throws Kenshin to the floor. Dammit! Snake eyes! Let's try it again (picks up Kenshin and starts anew) let's see a 6 or I'll crush you like a grape!
Kenshin: (turning blue and swirly-eyed) Orororo....@-@x
Audience laughs as Alex throws down the 'dice'.
Alex: Yes!!! I know what I'm getting, a new Diamond Dust model!
Key16: That was fun. Let's get a drink
Alex: Okay, I'm gonna try the Swiftus special (holds Kenshin's head like a giant chalice and takes a 'drink'
Ravenf6 cracks up while Audience applaud wildly
Alex: (spits out something) Ugh! What kinda crap was that? It tastes like vomit! I wanna see the bartender!
Cid gets up and crosses his arms in an evil 'don't mess with me' attitude.
Key 16: Well, here he is! Why don't you tell him??
Audience laughs
Alex: (Sweat drops) Ummm there's something I gotta tell ya... (Grabs Kenshin by his feet and holds him like a giant baseball bat.
Kenshin: (Wide-eyed) Oro!?!??!
Alex: YOUR DRINKS SUCK!!! (Hammers Cid With Kenshin's noggin, both of them collapse in a heap)
Ravenf6: (peers over the desk) Oh my God, You killed Kenshin!
Many fangirls in the audience: YOU BASTARDS!!!!
Ravenf6 hits the buzzer many times, ending the game. Inuyasha and Maleficent are laughing their heads off
Ravenf6: Whew! I'm glad that's over. A thousand points to Alex for using Kenshin like a club, and a million to Key16 for the best tire job I've ever seen. You okay, Kenshin?
Kenshin: (swirly-eyed) Mommy, make the room stop spinning, please? (Reverts to normal self with a splitting headache.) I hope I never have to do that again., that one really hurts...
Cid: p. And people called you the Battousai??? What a wimp...
Audience laughs
Ravenf6: That was both amazing and slightly crazy.
Key16: A diamond dust keyblade?? I've never seen that in Kingdom Hearts.
Alex: I heard it was a rumor, but I've never found it.
Ravenf6: That's because it's in the Final Mix version. Along with a lot of cool Japan-exclusive stuff, it's something we'll never see in the States.
Key16: Aw, that sucks!
Kenshin: Don't worry, I can grab a copy after the show's over and you can check it out.
Ravenf6: Since when do you own a PS2, Kenshin?
Kenshin: Miss Kaoru really likes the Modern Era. She says it's easier to make Yahiko and Sanouske do their chores, that she does.
Audience sweat drops at the thought of what tortures Karou can use with modern technology
Ravenf6:. ...Okay. Let's hear it for Key16 and Alex Puleo, everyone!
Everyone applauds
Ravenf6: Our next game is one I've been looking forward to doing for quite sometime: "HOEDOWN!!"
Audience cheers wildly
Ravenf6: This is for everyone, with help from tonight's guest, the Tantalus Thieves Band, Ladies and Gentleman!
Inuyasha: Wasn't Laura Hall supposed to play tonight?
Ravenf6: Yeah, but she called in sick so Zidane pulled some strings before he left.
Maleficent: You mean we have to SING?? That's it; I'm out of here (starts leaving)
Ravenf6: Whoa! Wait a second, Maleficent. You don't have to go, singing is like magic.
Maleficent: (stops) What do you mean?
Ravenf6: Remember that "Thorn Forest" spell you did in the 50's?
Maleficent: Yes. What about it?
Ravenf6: It's the same thing, only your incantation is done to music.
Maleficent: Oh, very well. I suppose no harm would come of it.
Ravenf6: That's the spirit. Now what I need from the Audience is the name of something that would scare the life out of you.
VAM: Lawyers! Teen Movies! Resident Evil!
Ravenf6: Ooh! That sounds interesting. So when the musicians start playing, let's hear the "Resident Evil" Hoedown.
Music: Hoedown music
Cid: Oh, I was in a mansion, armed only with a dagger. But then I saw something; it looked just an ugly cadaver. I crept up right behind it, but I screamed just like a banshee 'a. The creature turned around and I noticed it's a bloodthirsty Inuyasha!
Audience laughs as veins pop up on Inuyasha's head and his eyes turn blood red.
Kenshin: Monsters and zombies, all around the house. Let me tell you something, it's getting to be a louse. Moaning and screaming, I wanna close my lid, but I guess it's to be expected when I invited over Cid.
Audience cheers as Cid turns an annoyed red.
Inuyasha: Walking undead things, they don't bother me. I kill them for a living, and boy what a glee. It really is a lot of fun but this makes me rather mangy. But I've only felt real fear when Kagome gets angry!
Audience roars in laughter.
Maleficent: One of my hobbies is raising the dead. When people come over, it fills them with dread; running around and screaming, looking for ammo and that-hard-to find key, I can't tell you how many times I go through the halls and smelled nothing but pee!
Everyone: (together) smelled nothing but pee!
Audience applauds.
Ravenf6: Don't go away, when we get back, we'll find out who the winner is on more 'Whose Line is it Anyway?"
Act 3:
Inuyasha and Maleficent watch from the desk. Alex and Puleo are sitting on stools.
Ravenf6: Welcome back to 'Whose Line is it Anyway?" Tonight's winners are Alex Puleo and Key16!
Audience applauds.
Ravenf6:And now for the last game, we'll be doing 'Duet. This one's for Kenshin and me, and we'll be singing to Alex and Key like a Vaudeville duo.
Alex: You're going to sing??
Ravenf6: What? It can't be any worse than Kenshin's debut at the circus?
Kenshin turns a bright shade of red as the audience laugh out loud.
Key16: Hey, give the poor guy a break.
Ravenf6: Like what you guys did to him earlier?
Audience laughs even louder while Kenshin rubs a small lump on his head
Ravenf6: All right, let's start this before the Mistress of all evil goes berserk.
Tantalus band starts play vaudeville-style music.
Ravenf6: Hey, Mr. Kenshin!
Kenshin: Yes, Mr. Raven?
Ravenf6: I gotta tell you about two swell guys.
Kenshin: Really?
Ravenf6: Yeah, they do anything they want 'cause one of them is a fan fic writer.
Kenshin: Who's the other one?
Ravenf6: A host and aspirin' Keyblade Master.
Kenshin: Well then let's hear it!
(The singing begins along with some dancing from Kenshin and Ravenf6)
Ravenf6: Sometimes while travelin' the net at high speed... I often like something good to read...
And if I want something that ain't boring or obscene, I always read from my buddy, Key16!
His "Whose Line's' specialty is Kingdom Hearts... Gatherin' folks from worlds far apart... His fics make me smile like most gentle rain, I wonder if you can get Sepiroth to cry like a girl again?
Key16 and Alex laugh
Kenshin: But do not forget about Alex, For no one can host as good as he. I heard that he gets real scary When he gets upstaged by that big fat Drew Carey
The audience laughs.
Ravenf6: There's somethin' that I can remember... The last time that we were together... You had Yuna goin' on a major hittin' spree Let me ask ya somethin', why didin't ya have her kiss me??
Everyone laughs
Kenshin: But wait now, you shouldn't be so angry... 'cause this guy unlike Inu, ain't so mangy.
He can take up little bits and turn them into gold Maybe you'll get Juno to have his fortune told!
Audience cheers
Ravenf6: Key!
Kenshin: Alex!
Ravenf6: Key!
Kenshin: Alex!
Ravenf6: Goin' hand in hand just like peanut butter and jelly!
Kenshin: You don't wanna mess with them if you are full of malice.
Ravenf6: They'll beat the crap out of you and it's impossible to rhyme with Alex! Hey!
Cid beats Maleficent to the buzzer and the audience cheers wildly.
Ravenf6: Key16 and Alex Puleo, everyone!!!
Key16 and Alex take a bow among wild applause
Kenshin: We'll be right back in a minute with more 'Whose Line." That we will. Don't go away (Turns Battousai) unless you want an early grave!! (Get's whacked in the head by a giant frying pan and goes wide-eyed again). Ororooooooo....X-Xx (crumples to the floor.)
Ravenf6: Hey, hasn't the poor guy suffered enough?
Key16: (hides the frying pan behind his back) He was threatening to kill the readers.
Ravenf6: Good point.
Alex: Can I hit him?
Ravenf6: As long as you don't give the pan to Inuyasha
Inuyasha: I don't need no stinkin' pan when I've got Tetsusaiga. Now I can rip that excuse of a samurai apart.
VAM: SIT, BOY!!!
Inuyasha gets pulled face first to the ground again.
Inuyasha: Dammit, I hate that word!
Cid: Serves ya right you stubborn mutt.
Credits:
Ravenf6 is at the desk while Alex and Key16 are on the stage.
Ravenf6: Welcome back to 'Whose Line is it Anyway." We're going to end the show with Alex and Key16 reading the credits. It's been a real honor having you guys on the show.
Key16: Likewise, raven.
Alex: Yeah, it's been a lot of fun.
Ravenf6: Keep on eye on these young pups, ladies and gentleman. Key's got some good fan fiction in his repertoire. Now you two are going to read the credits as two Vikings who are pillaging and plundering. We'll see you later, ladies and gentlemen.
Key and Alex act like fierce Vikings with big weapons
Key16: All right you Mark Levisons, gives us all your gold!
Alex: Dan Patterson, you better run if you know what's good for you!
Cid comes out trying to fight them alone.
Key16: Oh, we've got a foolish Greg Proops who thinks he can stop us.
Alex: Should we hang him by his Ryan Stiles?
Key16: ('stabs' Cid and slings him over the shoulder) Naw, Arthur's getting sick. He's throwing up in the Forrest.
Alex: Laura Hall can just give up her jewels if she wants to live.
Key16: That Inuyasha ain't so tough.
Inuyasha jumps to the stage, Tetsusaiga in hand.
Inuyasha: You gotta death wish, pal?
Key16: Bring it on, mutt face!
Alex: Give 'em blood and Wayne Brady!
Key, Alex, and Inuyasha vanish into a giant cloud of dust fighting it out.
Inuyasha: You wish Colin Mochrie was here right now, don't you?
Alex: He's got better hair than you, InuTrasha!
Inuyasha: That's it: You're dead!
Ravenf6: Please let it be known that none of the actors ended up in grave injuries. Key16 is alive and well, Alex is still serving his hosting duties, and Inuyasha.... well.. Words escape me, but he's taking some time off... in a body cast. Read and Review people! I'm gonna take some time off for a little while, my older sister's having a baby so I'm gonna be on vacation for a couple of weeks, don't know if I'm going to continue during then. Reviews in the mean time are greatly appreciated in the mean time though. It means a lot to know some one cares about what we folks can come up with.
Ravenf6: En taro Adun Ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to another edition of "Whose Line is it Anyway?" On tonight's show:
He speaks softly and has wild red hair, Kenshin Himura!
Has cat-ears and carries a really big sword, Inuyasha!
Speaks frankly and carries a sharp stick, Cid Highwind!
And...
Speaks sinisterly and carries a magic stick, Maleficent the sorceress!
I'm your host, Ravenf6, let's go and have some fun!
Audience applauds loudly as ravenf6 gets to his throne at the desk.
Ravenf6: Welcome once again to "Whose Line is it Anyway?" The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. Just like Rogaine to Inuyasha.
Inuyasha: What the hell did you say??
Ravenf6: SIT!!
Inu goes splat on the floor.
Cid: Whoa, that's something you don't see everyday...
Everyone laughs uproariously except for Maleficent who laughs wickedly.
Ravenf6: Kagome's not the only one with a way with words. If you forgot how this show works, these four are going to perform off the top of their heads, get awarded fakey points, and at the end we pick a winner. The winner gets to do something special with me while the loser has to be Maleficent's next guinea pig.
More laughter.
Inuyasha: That's it, I'm outta here. There's no way I'm sticking around here (starts to leave but finds something missing...).
Ravenf6: (holds up a familiar beaten up-looking sword) You will if you want the Tetsusaiga back. (Inu shuts up). I'd like to thank our guests for being here tonight. Especially to Kenshin who was generous enough to come back.
Kenshin: It is no trouble at all, Raven. That it is not. I just wished that Miss Kaoru didn't have that hammer when she went crazy.
Ravenf6: I know. Aoshi told me all about it.
Inuyasha: Don't tell me you have respect for this jerk?
Kenshin: I wouldn't say such things, Inuyasha. This one can do all sorts of things unimaginable
Cid: Yeah, this kid can turn ya inside out in a heartbeat so sit down and shut up you son-of-a-
Ravenf6: -Watch your mouth: even if he is one in a weird kind of sense, you can't say THAT word here!
Inuyasha: WHAT WAS THAT?!?!?
Maleficent: You would be wise to watch your tongue, half-demon. As writer of this piece of fiction, his powers surpass even my own.
Ravenf6: Moving on, let's start with a game called "News Reporters". This is for everyone. Inuyasha, you're going to be the host on a news show but your three co-stars aren't normal reporters. Maleficent and Cid) Maleficent's going to be your co-reporter, she's a cold-hearted dog trainer.
Audience laughs
Ravenf6: Kenshin's going to do sports, he's gradually turning into a sea lion. And Cid will be doing the weather; he turns into the incredible Hulk after one too many attempts made to stop his swearing. So when you're ready, take it away.
Music: News show type theme.
Inuyasha: Welcome to the 7 o'clock news. I'm your host, Gonnakill Someonelater.
Audience laughs.
Inuyasha: Covering our top story, the unthinkable has happened as Dragonball Z fans have begun a campaign of world domination.
Audience roars with laughter
Inuyasha: Apparently this was stemmed from collective vengeance against those who would oppose their values and say that the anime series itself sucks. We turn to my co-anchor Anita Booze with more on this story.
Monitor reads "cold-hearted dog obedience trainer".
Maleficent: Don't speak unless I tell you.
Inuyasha: What?
Maleficent: And I thought I told you to stop chewing on my books! (Zaps Inuyasha with a lightning spell)
Audience laughs
Inuyasha: Take it easy, I was just asking about the news.
Maleficent: Lay down you pathetic mongrel, unless you want the choke chain again.
Inuyasha: ... I think I need a vacation. Let's see what's happening in sports with Scarface Mcmutton. Scarface?
Kenshin: (Monitor reads "Gradually turns into a playful sea lion".) Hmm. In today's sports, the Cleveland Browns will not be playing in the 2005 playoffs. My sources say that the players and coaches committed suicide and (barks like a sea lion). Oro (sweat drops)... what I meant to say was that (acts like he's balancing a ball on his nose) they died from the shame- (Barks again, audience laughs) No, no, no! I was just- (starts making choking noises) can't...stop...thinking...about ... fish!!! Gomen nessai viewers but I'm- (goes completely sea lion, barking and clapping fins. Audience roars with laughter as ravenf6 holds out a fish and Kenshin waddles up to it trying to get it.)
Inuyasha: (sweat drops) This just in: Sea lion reporters make ratings soar.
Audience laughs.
Maleficent: (smacks Inuyasha with her staff) Bad dog! No dinner for you tonight. I don't know why I'm bothering with you.
Inuyasha: (angry scowl) This just in: I'm gonna kick someone's ass! But first let's check out the weather with Stu Pididiot. Stu?
Monitor: "Turns into the Incredible Hulk after one too many attempts made to shut up his profanity"
Cid: Thank you very much. (Starts lighting a cigarette) Today, we're experiencing a heat wave in California, mostly due to the fires and- (turns to the side and talks to an invisible person) –whaddya mean I can't smoke here?? Audience laughs.
Cid: What?? A lawsuit?? Ah (bleep! Bleep!) Stupid- (urk!)... Moving on, you should watch for signs of rain as you drive home tonight- what now?? What?! I can't swear either?? Damn Disney suits, I'll say (Bleep!) as much as I (Bleep!) want, you sons-of- (Bleep! Bleep!) ... Uh-oh.... (Starts staggering about the area clutching his chest) No.. Not now.. I can't – rrrrr.. RRAGGH!!!! (Tears his shirt open, and turns huge and green). HULK MAD!! HULK SMASH!!! (Starts smashing anything he can get his hands on) ME SMASH ANY WHO STOP ME TALKING!!! (Turns to Kenshin and roars) Hulk no like sea lions!!! (Kenshin sweat drops while the brute advances on him)
Ravenf6: hits the buzzer but Cid is still in 'Hulk' mode.
Inuyasha: Hey, are there any jewel shards on this guy?
Ravenf6: No there aren't-this is Cid's latent rage pent up from his Kingdom Hearts period!! (Ducks to avoid getting hit with a flying chair) Security!
Audience starts laughing and screaming as Cid continues his rampage-on-the- stage. Inuyasha tries to use Iron Reaver Soul Stealers on Cid while Maleficent conjures up defender heartless to restrain the mad pilot. Kenshin tries Hiten Mitsurugi but nothing affects Cid until he snaps and reverts back to his not-really-mild-mannered self.
Cid: (heavy breathing) .... Back to you.
Inuyasha: This just in, Survivor finally gets cancelled. Thank you, and good night!
Audience is silent for a moment but soon applauds like crazy.
Ravenf6: Wow... if I had a diamond for every time someone went berserk. 1000 points to everyone, and a new airplane to the best Hulk in the world, Cid Highwind!
Cid: Aww, it was no big deal. (Puts on a new shirt and his pilot's jacket)
Ravenf6: That will go down in history: you da man, Cid! (gives him the thumbs-up)
Kenshin: I'm so glad Miss Karou doesn't transform when she gets mad.
Ravenf6: Our next game is 'film noir'. This one's for Inuyasha and Maleficent (both of them come down on the stage. These two are going to act out a monologue film-noir scene like an old 1940's movie. (Turns to the audience) Now what I need a weird place for a film noir scene?
Various audience members (VAM for short): Library! Comic book store! Roman palace!
Ravenf6: Roman palace it is! So when you two are ready, take it away.
Music: blues-type music
Inuyasha: (steps out) I've been on the trail of the evil Empress Oldrench for 50 years.
Audience laughs
Inuyasha: All clues lead to ancient Rome, and now it's time for me to slay her. (Steps back and talks normal) Hey, you. Have you seen an ugly old hag named Oldrench?
Audience laughs
Maleficent: (steps out) I knew he was talking about. But what he didn't know was that I'm the ugly lady who can kill him with a thought... but I decided to play along. (Steps back in) Who wants to know?
Inuyasha: Would you believe a solicitor? (Steps out) It was then I made my first mistake: No one likes a solicitor...I sell hair products as a side business.
Ravenf6 and audience laugh
Maleficent: (steps out) why would I need hair products? I'm a dark sorceress bent on causing pain and misery. I'm wearing a horned headdress: is he THAT blind?
More laughter.
Maleficent: (Still monologue) But I found a good use for him. (Steps in) No, but.. Are those real cat ears?
Even more laughter
Inuyasha: (Steps out) Why does everyone try to touch my ears?? This was the last straw; if anyone else messes with my ears, they're getting a date with death! (Steps in) What's that behind you??
Maleficent turns around while Inuyasha takes out an invisible dagger.
Maleficent: (Steps out) I knew who he was: a bad-tempered test subject who escaped 50 years ago. I can never forget his face; He was never one for grooming. (Steps in) I saw that!
The two of them start wrestling over the 'dagger'. But Maleficent gets it
Maleficent: Aha! I've got you now!
Inuyasha: Damn! (Steps out) Everything was going as planned. Now it was time to unleash my secret weapon. (Steps in and puts head phones on the sorceress and starts a walkman
Maleficent: AGH! MICHAEL BOLTEN MUSIC!!! MAKE IT STOP!!! (starts collapsing)
Ravenf6 hits the buzzer and audience applauds.
Ravenf6: That was pretty cool. A hundred points go to Kenshin and Cid for that one.
Inuyasha: What?? They did nothing!
Ravenf6: You lost the points for using the Forbidden music. But you get this back: (throws the Tetsusaiga into the stage.)
Audience applauds.
Ravenf6: So now, we'll take a commercial break. Stick around for more "Whose Line": don't go away.
Act 2:
Audience applauds
Ravenf6: Welcome back to "Whose Line is it, anyway?" The show where points are made up and none of the contestants have to answer impossible questions to get ahead. Before we get to our next game, I have a surprise. This next game is called living scenery, this one's for Kenshin and Cid, and will be assisted by two special guests. If you folks remember, I was a once a guest on another 'Whose Line' fic. These two guys made a request to be on the show and I was more than happy to grant it. One of them is the host of the aforementioned fic and the other is a young, but brilliant writer whose works inspire me to continue this fic. Please give it up ladies and gentlemen for Alex Puleo and Fanfic writer, Key16!!
Everyone applauds as ravenf6, Key16, and Alex shake hands.
Ravenf6: Welcome to the show.
Key16: It's good to be here, raven.
Alex: Man, we had a lot of fun last time.
Ravenf6:I'll say. It was pure comedic genius.
Alex: Remember about that duet song with Tidus and Yuna?
Ravenf6: Oh yeah, I'll never forget that one.
Inuyasha: Can we get on with it already!!!??
Ravenf6: (snaps his finger and a anvil is tied to Inuyasha's head) SIT!!
Inu goes splat again, only this time through the floor.
Ravenf6: We sure did. Having Hades as Wakka practically slayed me. Now then, these two will help out in game called "Living scenery." What happens is that Key and Alex will be acting out a scene, but the problem is someone took all the props. So now they have to use Kenshin as Cid as all the props instead.
Kenshin: It's good to be working with you two. Your fics are very funny, that they are.
Alex: You think so?
Cid: My god, that was crazy. Especially that "What are you trying to say?" one. I never thought anyone would be as angry as I was.
Ravenf6: Yeah, who'd have thought Sora had it in him?
Maleficent: As much as you four would like to stroll down memory lane, I must remind you that the show must go on.
Ravenf6: Too true. Now what I need from the audience is the name of a place you would go on a vacation.
VAM: Hawaii! Theme park! Las Vegas!
Ravenf6: Say, that's a good one; I've got a trip planned passing through that way in a few weeks anyway. So let's start the scene...
Alex is snoring on the floor with Cid on top of him like a comforter. Key 16 comes in with Kenshin's arms wrapped around him like a bathrobe. Audience laughs
Key16: Hey, Alex. It's time to get up.
Alex:??? Oh, is it morning already? (Throws Cid off him and gets up)
Key16: Yeah, you sure had a lot to drink last night.
Alex: (Goes to a 'sink', turning Cid's goggles to get some water) So ... what are we going to do today?
Key 16: Well, I was thinking we could do some gambling. But we've gotta take a bus first.
Cid and Kenshin squat down on their knees to make a 'bus'.
Alex: Okay. I feel lucky right now. Hey, this bus isn't going anywhere. Go see what's wrong with it.
Key16 gets out
Key16: Oh no wonder: This bus' got a flat. Let me just fix it
Key16 starts lifting Kenshin's ponytail like it was a car jack, with him rising with each lift. Key16 takes Cid and Curls him up behind Kenshin
Audience cheers, Ravenf6 doubles over with laughter
Key16: There, this new tire should do it.
Alex: Let's go!
The whole group goes slowly to simulate a bus taking off for a minute
Alex: Okay, we're here. Where do you wanna start?
Key 6: I think I'll try the slots.
Key goes up to Cid and raises his arm.
Key16: Come on 7s!
Cid starts shaking like a blender
Key 16: All right!!!! (Starts scooping the money in his pockets)
Alex: I'll go for the dice table (grabs Kenshin by the neck and starts shaking him) come on 6! Daddy needs a new keyblade! (Throws Kenshin to the floor. Dammit! Snake eyes! Let's try it again (picks up Kenshin and starts anew) let's see a 6 or I'll crush you like a grape!
Kenshin: (turning blue and swirly-eyed) Orororo....@-@x
Audience laughs as Alex throws down the 'dice'.
Alex: Yes!!! I know what I'm getting, a new Diamond Dust model!
Key16: That was fun. Let's get a drink
Alex: Okay, I'm gonna try the Swiftus special (holds Kenshin's head like a giant chalice and takes a 'drink'
Ravenf6 cracks up while Audience applaud wildly
Alex: (spits out something) Ugh! What kinda crap was that? It tastes like vomit! I wanna see the bartender!
Cid gets up and crosses his arms in an evil 'don't mess with me' attitude.
Key 16: Well, here he is! Why don't you tell him??
Audience laughs
Alex: (Sweat drops) Ummm there's something I gotta tell ya... (Grabs Kenshin by his feet and holds him like a giant baseball bat.
Kenshin: (Wide-eyed) Oro!?!??!
Alex: YOUR DRINKS SUCK!!! (Hammers Cid With Kenshin's noggin, both of them collapse in a heap)
Ravenf6: (peers over the desk) Oh my God, You killed Kenshin!
Many fangirls in the audience: YOU BASTARDS!!!!
Ravenf6 hits the buzzer many times, ending the game. Inuyasha and Maleficent are laughing their heads off
Ravenf6: Whew! I'm glad that's over. A thousand points to Alex for using Kenshin like a club, and a million to Key16 for the best tire job I've ever seen. You okay, Kenshin?
Kenshin: (swirly-eyed) Mommy, make the room stop spinning, please? (Reverts to normal self with a splitting headache.) I hope I never have to do that again., that one really hurts...
Cid: p. And people called you the Battousai??? What a wimp...
Audience laughs
Ravenf6: That was both amazing and slightly crazy.
Key16: A diamond dust keyblade?? I've never seen that in Kingdom Hearts.
Alex: I heard it was a rumor, but I've never found it.
Ravenf6: That's because it's in the Final Mix version. Along with a lot of cool Japan-exclusive stuff, it's something we'll never see in the States.
Key16: Aw, that sucks!
Kenshin: Don't worry, I can grab a copy after the show's over and you can check it out.
Ravenf6: Since when do you own a PS2, Kenshin?
Kenshin: Miss Kaoru really likes the Modern Era. She says it's easier to make Yahiko and Sanouske do their chores, that she does.
Audience sweat drops at the thought of what tortures Karou can use with modern technology
Ravenf6:. ...Okay. Let's hear it for Key16 and Alex Puleo, everyone!
Everyone applauds
Ravenf6: Our next game is one I've been looking forward to doing for quite sometime: "HOEDOWN!!"
Audience cheers wildly
Ravenf6: This is for everyone, with help from tonight's guest, the Tantalus Thieves Band, Ladies and Gentleman!
Inuyasha: Wasn't Laura Hall supposed to play tonight?
Ravenf6: Yeah, but she called in sick so Zidane pulled some strings before he left.
Maleficent: You mean we have to SING?? That's it; I'm out of here (starts leaving)
Ravenf6: Whoa! Wait a second, Maleficent. You don't have to go, singing is like magic.
Maleficent: (stops) What do you mean?
Ravenf6: Remember that "Thorn Forest" spell you did in the 50's?
Maleficent: Yes. What about it?
Ravenf6: It's the same thing, only your incantation is done to music.
Maleficent: Oh, very well. I suppose no harm would come of it.
Ravenf6: That's the spirit. Now what I need from the Audience is the name of something that would scare the life out of you.
VAM: Lawyers! Teen Movies! Resident Evil!
Ravenf6: Ooh! That sounds interesting. So when the musicians start playing, let's hear the "Resident Evil" Hoedown.
Music: Hoedown music
Cid: Oh, I was in a mansion, armed only with a dagger. But then I saw something; it looked just an ugly cadaver. I crept up right behind it, but I screamed just like a banshee 'a. The creature turned around and I noticed it's a bloodthirsty Inuyasha!
Audience laughs as veins pop up on Inuyasha's head and his eyes turn blood red.
Kenshin: Monsters and zombies, all around the house. Let me tell you something, it's getting to be a louse. Moaning and screaming, I wanna close my lid, but I guess it's to be expected when I invited over Cid.
Audience cheers as Cid turns an annoyed red.
Inuyasha: Walking undead things, they don't bother me. I kill them for a living, and boy what a glee. It really is a lot of fun but this makes me rather mangy. But I've only felt real fear when Kagome gets angry!
Audience roars in laughter.
Maleficent: One of my hobbies is raising the dead. When people come over, it fills them with dread; running around and screaming, looking for ammo and that-hard-to find key, I can't tell you how many times I go through the halls and smelled nothing but pee!
Everyone: (together) smelled nothing but pee!
Audience applauds.
Ravenf6: Don't go away, when we get back, we'll find out who the winner is on more 'Whose Line is it Anyway?"
Act 3:
Inuyasha and Maleficent watch from the desk. Alex and Puleo are sitting on stools.
Ravenf6: Welcome back to 'Whose Line is it Anyway?" Tonight's winners are Alex Puleo and Key16!
Audience applauds.
Ravenf6:And now for the last game, we'll be doing 'Duet. This one's for Kenshin and me, and we'll be singing to Alex and Key like a Vaudeville duo.
Alex: You're going to sing??
Ravenf6: What? It can't be any worse than Kenshin's debut at the circus?
Kenshin turns a bright shade of red as the audience laugh out loud.
Key16: Hey, give the poor guy a break.
Ravenf6: Like what you guys did to him earlier?
Audience laughs even louder while Kenshin rubs a small lump on his head
Ravenf6: All right, let's start this before the Mistress of all evil goes berserk.
Tantalus band starts play vaudeville-style music.
Ravenf6: Hey, Mr. Kenshin!
Kenshin: Yes, Mr. Raven?
Ravenf6: I gotta tell you about two swell guys.
Kenshin: Really?
Ravenf6: Yeah, they do anything they want 'cause one of them is a fan fic writer.
Kenshin: Who's the other one?
Ravenf6: A host and aspirin' Keyblade Master.
Kenshin: Well then let's hear it!
(The singing begins along with some dancing from Kenshin and Ravenf6)
Ravenf6: Sometimes while travelin' the net at high speed... I often like something good to read...
And if I want something that ain't boring or obscene, I always read from my buddy, Key16!
His "Whose Line's' specialty is Kingdom Hearts... Gatherin' folks from worlds far apart... His fics make me smile like most gentle rain, I wonder if you can get Sepiroth to cry like a girl again?
Key16 and Alex laugh
Kenshin: But do not forget about Alex, For no one can host as good as he. I heard that he gets real scary When he gets upstaged by that big fat Drew Carey
The audience laughs.
Ravenf6: There's somethin' that I can remember... The last time that we were together... You had Yuna goin' on a major hittin' spree Let me ask ya somethin', why didin't ya have her kiss me??
Everyone laughs
Kenshin: But wait now, you shouldn't be so angry... 'cause this guy unlike Inu, ain't so mangy.
He can take up little bits and turn them into gold Maybe you'll get Juno to have his fortune told!
Audience cheers
Ravenf6: Key!
Kenshin: Alex!
Ravenf6: Key!
Kenshin: Alex!
Ravenf6: Goin' hand in hand just like peanut butter and jelly!
Kenshin: You don't wanna mess with them if you are full of malice.
Ravenf6: They'll beat the crap out of you and it's impossible to rhyme with Alex! Hey!
Cid beats Maleficent to the buzzer and the audience cheers wildly.
Ravenf6: Key16 and Alex Puleo, everyone!!!
Key16 and Alex take a bow among wild applause
Kenshin: We'll be right back in a minute with more 'Whose Line." That we will. Don't go away (Turns Battousai) unless you want an early grave!! (Get's whacked in the head by a giant frying pan and goes wide-eyed again). Ororooooooo....X-Xx (crumples to the floor.)
Ravenf6: Hey, hasn't the poor guy suffered enough?
Key16: (hides the frying pan behind his back) He was threatening to kill the readers.
Ravenf6: Good point.
Alex: Can I hit him?
Ravenf6: As long as you don't give the pan to Inuyasha
Inuyasha: I don't need no stinkin' pan when I've got Tetsusaiga. Now I can rip that excuse of a samurai apart.
VAM: SIT, BOY!!!
Inuyasha gets pulled face first to the ground again.
Inuyasha: Dammit, I hate that word!
Cid: Serves ya right you stubborn mutt.
Credits:
Ravenf6 is at the desk while Alex and Key16 are on the stage.
Ravenf6: Welcome back to 'Whose Line is it Anyway." We're going to end the show with Alex and Key16 reading the credits. It's been a real honor having you guys on the show.
Key16: Likewise, raven.
Alex: Yeah, it's been a lot of fun.
Ravenf6: Keep on eye on these young pups, ladies and gentleman. Key's got some good fan fiction in his repertoire. Now you two are going to read the credits as two Vikings who are pillaging and plundering. We'll see you later, ladies and gentlemen.
Key and Alex act like fierce Vikings with big weapons
Key16: All right you Mark Levisons, gives us all your gold!
Alex: Dan Patterson, you better run if you know what's good for you!
Cid comes out trying to fight them alone.
Key16: Oh, we've got a foolish Greg Proops who thinks he can stop us.
Alex: Should we hang him by his Ryan Stiles?
Key16: ('stabs' Cid and slings him over the shoulder) Naw, Arthur's getting sick. He's throwing up in the Forrest.
Alex: Laura Hall can just give up her jewels if she wants to live.
Key16: That Inuyasha ain't so tough.
Inuyasha jumps to the stage, Tetsusaiga in hand.
Inuyasha: You gotta death wish, pal?
Key16: Bring it on, mutt face!
Alex: Give 'em blood and Wayne Brady!
Key, Alex, and Inuyasha vanish into a giant cloud of dust fighting it out.
Inuyasha: You wish Colin Mochrie was here right now, don't you?
Alex: He's got better hair than you, InuTrasha!
Inuyasha: That's it: You're dead!
Ravenf6: Please let it be known that none of the actors ended up in grave injuries. Key16 is alive and well, Alex is still serving his hosting duties, and Inuyasha.... well.. Words escape me, but he's taking some time off... in a body cast. Read and Review people! I'm gonna take some time off for a little while, my older sister's having a baby so I'm gonna be on vacation for a couple of weeks, don't know if I'm going to continue during then. Reviews in the mean time are greatly appreciated in the mean time though. It means a lot to know some one cares about what we folks can come up with.