Title: You and I
Author: Mage
Rating: R
CHAPTER SEVEN: Keeping Distance
Harry woke feeling heavy and weak. He frowned for a moment, not understanding why he felt like this. Then the events of last night in Dumbledore's office surfaced in his mind. He winced. He was not looking forward to seeing either of his or Draco's parents again.
Draco.
The thought of Draco brought a smile onto Harry's face. Images of what they had done late last night replacing the memories of the office confrontations. Late last night, here in Draco's room, had been intense. Never had it ever been so…
Harry couldn't even mold his thoughts around what last night was like. Coming back from Dumbledore's office they had met here, in this very bed that Harry now rested, and for the rest of the night they focused on each other. The physical encounter was highly emotional. More intense then any of their previous intimate encounters. It was like in that very act, they where trying to say without words how much they loved each other. That feeling of love, accompanied by all the raw emotions that they were feeling that night (desperation, lost, hurt…) made for a highly charged encounter.
Indescribable.
Harry groaned, stretching his limbs to get those delicious kinks that were a result of his late night activity, out of his body. With movement finally coming back to his body, Harry instinctively reached over to his left. But instead of his hand meeting warm flesh, all he grasped was a soft pillow. Frowning, Harry finally willed his tired eyes to open. Blearily, he looked over to where Draco should be sleeping, but his sight did not meet the usual angelic beauty that greeted him almost every morning. Where Draco should have been sleeping, there was nothing but a pillow.
Worried, Harry got up and looked at the cloak. 6 am. Draco was never much of a morning person. He never woke up this early. Still frowning, Harry gave a yawn and pulled himself out of the warm bed to search for his boyfriend.
Upon stepping out of the bedroom door, Harry was greeted with the object of his search. Draco looked majestic standing by the window of the sitting room. The early morning rays of the sun shimmered on his pale skin, making it seem as if he was glowing with an internal light. His usually pale blond hair, that could be considered more white or silver then the yellow color of blond locks, looked golden in the sunlight. He looked like some god born of the dawn. Truly majestic.
Harry smiled at the sight. He could never understand what he did to deserve this.
Walking up to Draco, he wrapped his arms around him from behind. Draco stiffened, not turning around to face Harry. Harry looked down at him, unsure of what was wrong with Draco.
"Draco? What's wrong?"
Yet no answer came from the blond that was still rigid in his arms. Draco merely continued to gaze out the window, not turning around in Harry's embrace to look at his lover standing behind him.
"Dray? Baby? What's wrong? Please talk to me."
Finally, Draco turned around to face Harry. Harry almost stepped back at what he saw. Instead of dazzling silver eyes, looking up at him with an open love, he was looking into cold grey pools, gazing at him in indifference.
Harry was taken aback at the sight. What the hell was this? He couldn't understand it. This was Draco standing before him, yet it wasn't. This wasn't his Draco. This was Malfoy. The boy that had been his rival during his early years in Hogwarts. The boy with the cold grey eyes and the hardened attitude.
Harry brought his arms from around Draco's waist and grasped his upper arms, looking deep into his eyes. What he saw in their depths caused him to panic. Harry knew Draco better then he knew himself, so it was easy for him to understand what he was seeing in those brilliant glass orbs. He could see a wall there. A wall that he thought he never had to encounter again.
"Draco, what's going on? Please. What's wrong?"
Draco face showed no reaction to Harry's clearly growing panic. He continued to merely gaze at him with his Malfoy mask firmly in place.
"Draco!?" Harry yelled desperately, shaking him slightly.
Draco just shook his head and stepped out of reach. With one final look, the Slytherin turned around and walked out the portrait hole.
Harry stood frozen in shock for several minutes. What the hell just happened? Harry closed his eyes. The only thing that was stopping the tears from escaping was what he had seen before Draco disappeared through the portrait hole. The Malfoy pose had wavered for a moment and Draco had ducked his head, his pearly teeth grasping lower lip.
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Harry was sitting at the Gryffindor table that evening, lazily picking at his food and watching the students trickle in. He hadn't seen Draco all day and he was suffering from a major case of what Terry called "Missing Draco Syndrome."He sighed. If only his friends knew why he was so on edge, they won't be laughing it off. He wanted to tell them. He needed to talk this through with someone but…
By Merlin! This is fucking complicated! He mentally growled in frustration. Why can't everything with Draco ever be clear and simple? Why do I even bother with this shit? Damn it! Why do I do this to myself? Why do I need him so badly? Why-
Harry's mental rant was disrupted by loud giggles from some of the girls in the hall. He looked up and discovered the reason.
Draco Malfoy.
The blond Slytherin had just strutted into the room, looking cool and elegant as ever. With a poise and grace born of nobility, he walked up to the Slytherin table and took a seat at its centre.
The Prince of Slytherin had just graced them with his presence.
Looking at Draco, Harry could understand the girls' reaction to him. Draco was in his trademark dark attire, black wrapped entirely around his pale form. His heavy boots crashing loudly on the floor tiles, causing heads to turn at the sound. His heavy dark robes were open, billowing behind his form as he walked, kept those heads from turning back around.
Harry was snapped out of his thoughts by the sound of Denise Creevy's voice.
"Hey Harry! Are you still with us? What were you staring at Malfoy for?"
The Creevy boy was grinning at him maniacally. "Are you thinking of another prank to play on the evil prat? What are you going to do to him, Harry?"
Harry just stared at the annoying little Gryffindor, mentally picturing his ugly head exploding. He wanted to punch the little shit for that insult about Draco, but he forced himself to smile instead. After all, he had an illusion to uphold. The illusion of the legendary rivalry between Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy, still burning with the heat of hell. There was no point destroying that now. There were just too many things they had to deal with right now to have the whole school getting into their business.
"Yes, Dennis. There is something very wicked I want to do to Malfoy," Harry said, his eyes dark and sparkling with mischief. "I would tell you, but I think you're a little young."
"Oh, come on, Harry," he whined. "Tell me. Show me how to do it. I want to learn how."
"I'm sorry, but it's a private showing. Just between me and Malfoy." Harry smirked.
Dennis sighed, looking dejected. "Okay, Harry, but make it good."
"Oh, don't worry Dennis, I promise I'll do him good. I never fail to make him scream."
Harry gave a smile dripping with innocence. He loved playing with the naïve little Gryffindors.
Dennis gave a puzzled little frown, confused at what Harry meant.
"Well, anyway Dennis, what did you want," Harry quickly said, changing the subject before the naive little Gryffindor actually caught on the double meaning of his words.
"Oh! Here, Harry," Denise said, handing him a piece of parchment. "When I was passing the Headmaster in the hall this morning, he gave me this to hand to you. I've been looking everywhere for you, but I couldn't seem to find you anywhere all day."
"I've been busy," Harry said dryly.
"Fine," Dennis shrugged. "Well, here it is now."
Before Harry could answer him a shrill voice call out.
"Hey Dennis, aren't you going to sit with us?" called a freckled faced little blond that Harry knew was in Dennis' year.
"Yeah, I'll be there in a minute!" Dennis called back.
Turning back to Harry, he was about to say something more, but was cut of by the older boy.
"Go on Dennis. Go sit with your friends."
Dennis gave him a goodbye and took off running.
Harry watched him go. The boy was annoying to say the least, but he was fun to play with. Harry had needed that distraction and momentary amusement to get his mind out of the depressing thoughts they had contained all day.
He gave a small sigh and looked down at the parchment that Dennis Creevy had given him. Unfolding it, he read the swirling text printed on its surface.
Harry, your parents left last night.
Harry looked at the simple message and just shook his head. Typical they didn't even bother to tell me themselves.
Harry's face twisted into an ugly scowl and he crumbled the parchment, throwing it down on the table in annoyance.
"What's wrong, Harry? Been told something you don't like?" Neville asked from the seat next to him.
"No, Nev. More like not being told something by people I'd like."
"Your parents didn't tell you they were leaving?"
"Since when have my parents given enough of a damn about me to even fit a simple goodbye into their busy schedule?" came Harry's bitter reply.
"Harry, your parents care about you. I'm sure that finding out about you and Dray just overwhelmed them."
"I'd like to believe that excuse Nev, and probably this time it's true, but since when have they ever cared enough about me to even bother. You know what they're like, Neville. Their work has always come before me."
Neville looked around, before leaning in to whisper to Harry. "Harry, that work is Order work. What your parents and my parents do is important."
"And I can understand that, but it never stopped your mum and dad from being parents to you, did it? Shit, Neville, half the time I feel like a stranger in their midst. It never used to be like this. I remember when I was a little kid. I remember what it was like. I remember what they use to tell me. They made all these promises. I used to believe them back then. But now I'm no longer a little kid and my parents are no longer who they use to be."
"Harry, what your parents have seen and done…it leaves marks on people. I know it left marks on my parents. They have fought in a war, for Merlin's sake. They had to harden themselves to survive. And sometimes, old habits are not easily broken. Especially now that we're in the middle of a second war."
Harry looked at one of his oldest friends. There was a part of him that understood the truth in his words. The first war had left a mark on all that had seen it and those marks were only deeper for those that fought within it. Thinking about it, he saw the pattern. A part of him knew that his friend was right, but resentment left a bitter taste in his mouth. Being pushed away for far too long by the very people who were suppose to love him, unconditionally, hurt far too much to be forgotten in an instant.
Harry had barely been a one year old child when the Dark Lord was defeated during the end of first war. So, like the rest of his generation, his childhood was spent in a world basking in the peace that had been won for them. The wizarding world had busied itself with rebuilding, putting the past and all the horrors it had contained behind them. But now it seemed that all they had built, and all they had suffered for, was for nothing. During Harry's first year at Hogwarts, the Dark Lord had risen again. The leaders of the old Order of the Phoenix were called to take their seats in the council once more, and all its warriors took up arms once again. Harry's parents had been among these people.
When Harry had come back from Hogwarts that year, his parents had been different. Distant. As the summer ended and Harry was to come back to Hogwarts for his second year, he knew that what he had had with his parents before was gone. Another casualty in a war that seemed to never end.
"Harry, you've got to sort through this. They are your parents."
Harry turned fully to face Neville. "They just gave me life, but they never helped me live it. They are not my parents. Family is determined by a lot more then blood."
Additional declaimer:
These quotes were used either directly or as an inspiration for lines in this chapter.
'…they learn that family is defined by more then blood…'
-- As Thick as Blood, by Lisse
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momma-dar – I'm glad to see that my story seems to have all the things you like in a fic. I'll tell you a secret. I wrote this fic for me. All the things I put in it are all the things I've always wanted to see in a fanfic.
Sowen – I always love your reviews Sowen! I'm so happy you like the parents response. I admit that this chapter was hard to write. I rewrote it actually. I had to make sure that their responses was just right. I don't think that anyone is perfect and I like to reflect that in my characters. I love Gryffindor's. Really I do. But at times I hate how they seem to think that all Slytherin's are evil Death Eaters. When they think this I can't help but think that they are as prejudiced as the very people that they despise.
Toby7 – Thank you Toby! I wish that I have the time to finish this soon. If only the world would let me I would sit and just write all day. But according to my friends that's kinda creepy.
Blackunicorn – I've been waiting for someone to ask about the baby :D. Well there is a clue (so to say) on the baby's gender in the chapters all ready provided. But if you get it, and no body else does, keep quiet - because shhhh it's a secret ;) hehe. As for how many children they will have…well…that will be decided with a flip of a coin.
Tygrressatheart – Lily is starting to feel horrible. The reality of what her family has become is just starting to sink in. I have known that at times parents blind themselves to the true reality of their relationship with their children. I wanted to expresses that in James. I wanted to show that if he were alive he does not necessarily have to be the perfect father that many envision him to be.
da-blk-saiyangurl – One of the best you've read in a long time?! Really? You mean it? Wow… now it's my turn to say wow to you. Your review just made me cheer. Thanks for saying that.
Lady Laffs-a-Lot – Yeah I know. James really is close minded isn't he? If he was my husband he would be facing the power of my wrath. But Lily is still a little confused. She has a lot on her mind. Whether she leaves James or not will be revealed with time.
SheWolfe7 – Thanks! Sometimes parents do need to be knocked in the head. They're not perfect. No body really is. You got exactly what I wanted to express in this story. So many believe that if James and Lily were still alive they would be perfect parents. But in reality (as you said) "Some parents never really see their kids for what they are." You will later see the reason for Harry holding out so long, even with his parents been such asses.
SilverDragon161 -- starts jumping up and down I knew it, I knew it! You are a writer. You're writing "Mistakes"! I love that fic. I have this list for fics I just have to review and that fic is on it. Sorry I haven't gotten to reviewing yet, but I will. Your story is great. I love your characterisation.
Anywayz…enough of my childish acts. I'm glad you understand what the parents are going through. I wanted to make them as real as I could in their reactions and relationships with their children. Both as parents raising children in a war torn world and as normal parents raising teenagers.
Helena – Sorry about that. I know how you feel. When I really get into a story and it just stops I just want to punch the computer. But I hope this chap removes the pout from your face. Oh wait a minute… looks up at post… you're most likely hating me.
Shyla-of-slytherin – Shyla! I just got your first review from chapter 3! I'm so sorry. Bloody FF.net. Sometimes I don't see someone review until later posts. Thank you for reading my fic. Your bloody awesome yourself! You've been with me almost from the beginning!
stargirl2004 – Here is some more. Hope you like it. I'm glad you like the intensity. I write like I'm on a roller coaster ride. I love the rush and intensity. Glad people are noticing.
Leeanna-Marie-Malfoy – Thank you, thank you, thank you! Reviews like yours just make me want to dance. Not to mention keep on writing.
Freddysgurl8904 – hehe…I know I love James too! I want him to be cool, but I started writing this fic during my "Slytherin's are sexy" stage. I was getting annoyed with how Gryffindor's are portrayed as all good and holly. I began to notice by them stereotyping the Slytherin's that they were just as prejudiced as the serpents.
Galyn – I was feeling really tiered from traveling back from school one day and then I turned on my computer and saw your review. It just made me smile and want to write more. If you get through all the chapters at once then I must be doing something right. I do that with stories I really love. Thank you so much for your review. It made me feel better.