Chapter 4: Last Farewells
Sam walked purposefully back to Bag End, a glint of determination in his eyes; determination to adhere to his resolve.
"My mind's made up." he thought to himself. "There's only one place for me now."
As he made his way through Hobbiton, some of the hobbit passer-bys gave Sam sad, understanding looks, a few stopped and asked him "How are you, Mr. Gamgee?" to which Sam simply nodded his head abruptly, still looking straight ahead, not stopping to meet their gaze.
No sooner than he had walked through the green round door of his home, he hurriedly packed all his most precious belongings that he could not bear to part with. Last of all, he tucked the Red Book deep into his coat pocket, then stepped outside once more.
"Hullo! You there, young lad, I'd like a word with you, if you will." "Yes, Mr. Gamgee, sir?" "Be a good lad, and send for my children, right away. They shouldn't-a wandered off too far. They'll be about somewhere near at hand." "All right, sir, I'll do what I can."
And Sam eased himself into the deep plush cushions of his armchair, eyes fixated on the dying embers of the smoldering fire, and waited expectantly.
It might have been ten minutes or ten days later, for all Sam knew, when at last, he was snapped out of his reverie by the sound of the front doorbell.
"Huh.. Who's there?" he called, as if in a daze.
"Dad, it's us!" came the voice of his youngest son, Tom. "Didn't you call for us?" "Good heavens, I'd nearly forgotten!" Sam said to himself, as he hurried to the front door. Lo and behold, all thirteen of his children were clustered about the doorstep.
"My children…" he murmured, and tears welled up in his eyes.
"Daddy, what's wrong? Are you all right?" Elanor cried, hurrying forward.
"Nothing, dear. I just needed to see you. All of you. There's something important that needs saying, and the longer I wait, the harder it'll be to finally say it.
"Dad, are you…." Robin started.
"Now now, let's not have none of that. I'm fine… well, not fine, but there's something that needs mending."
"What is it, dad?" Bilbo started. "What can we do to help?"
"No, Bilbo-lad, I'm afraid that there's nothing for it now but for me to help myself. Which is why I brought you all here. Come and sit with me."
Sam's children all settled uneasily into the nearest seat, and waited with bated breath for their father to speak.
At last, he said:
"Children, I realized something just last night, when I was awake in bed. You remember in the Story how old Frodo, after all he had suffered, had to leave, go away. It was because of something he once told me. And now I understand. I'm wounded, my children. The kind of wound that never really goes away. Just like Frodo was. And you see, my dears, there's naught else to help it but… to go away. I'm leaving, kids. I'm leaving for the Grey Havens." and he said no more, and could not look into the eyes of any of his children. And all the room was filled with a stark silence, broken only by a small whimper, coming from his daughter Primrose.
"Now, listen. I want you all to know that you mean the world to me. All of you. I don't want to leave you behind this way." And here his voice cracked. "But I have to. I have to, and there's no other way."
And then and there, they all rose to their feet, as one, and went to their father's side, holding him, and crying with him, and kissing his tear-streaked face. They were all held together in mutual sorrow, and pity, and most of all profound love for one another: for theirs was a bond that could never truly be broken. But when the weeping subsided, and the shock of this news became a bit less severe, they spoke once more.
"Isn't there nothing we could do?" Hamfast implored. "Nothing we could do to help?"
"No, my boy. This is how it has to be. But you're all grown, and you can all look out for yourselves now. You've all started your own lives; you'll get along just fine. Now then, I've already got all my things packed. It's not much. But I ride out tonight. And I'd like for all of you to see my off. Not too far. Not as far as the Havens." and they all knew it wasn't an invitation, it was an order, and certainly none among them would begrudge him this last wish.
And so, just as the sun began to settled down behind the Blue Mountains, and dusk began to settle quietly all about the world, they were off, all huddled in a horse-drawn carriage, and they passed stealthily through the Shire, so as not to draw too much attention to themselves. At last, they came to the last borders of Hobbiton, and now the setting sun had tinted the sky all in a beautiful rosy haze. But they all knew that the bitter parting had finally come, and they were deeply mournful at heart, and they paid no heed to the world around them. Sam had gathered himself up, was helped down off the carriage, and he took one of the horses and made ready to ride. He went to his each of his children, holding them long in his embrace. He said such fatherly little nothings as,
"Pippin-lad, you stay out of mischief, now." "Goldilocks, you be good to young Faramir." and "Rose, did I ever tell you how much you look like your mother?" And he kissed each of them in farewell: Elanor Frodo, Rose, Merry, Pippin, Goldilocks, Hamfast, Daisy, Primrose, Bilbo, Ruby, Robin, and Tom.
Before leaving, he went to his son, Frodo, last of all, and spoke to him privately.
"Frodo-lad, now you're all grown and as stout and clever, and good as a hobbit could wish. I leave Bag End to you, to do with it what you will. But please, my lad, promise me this much: that at least you'll see to it that the gardens are taken care of. So that come the springtime, I can count on the flowers bein' in full bloom, and in the height of their splendor, just the way I remembered them."
"Yes, dad. Of course I will. I promise I'll do all I can to keep them just as beautiful as they were when you tended to them. 'Course, it'll never be the same. Not with you gone…" and he cast his eyes to the ground, ashamedly, trying to conceal the hurt in his eyes as he spoke to his father for the last time. Sam cupped his son's chin in his hands, and lifted his head gently to meet his gaze. Frodo's eyes were shining with tears, and his face screwed up in an expression of utter sadness.
"Frodo, my lad. It's all right." Sam murmured, pulling him into his arms. And his son wept openly into his shoulder. "That's all right my lad. There's no shame in it. But I need to know that you'll be strong for me, when I'm gone, and mind your brothers and sisters. You'll all be needing each other. If there's one thing that I learned in all my years of living, it's that family is all you've really got, and you got to appreciate that while you still have it. Now you take care of them for me, Frodo-lad." and he kissed his son's forehead.
But Elanor was loath to leave her father now, and said to him,
"I'm going with you. No matter how far, no matter how long the journey, I'm going with you." and Sam was both moved and secretly glad that the gesture had been made, and she was not gainsaid.
And so, Elanor rode out with her father, for she in her heart knew she couldn't bare to be apart from him in his final hours on the earth. Just as Sam had done with Frodo more than sixty years ago.
They rode on, past the White Downs, and then the Far Downs, and the Tower Hills. And already the Sea had come into view, it's endless tide resounding in their heads, and moving Sam to silent tears, for this was a sound that he had carried in his heart for so long. And with it was tied so many memories, so much emotion, that he simply could not suppress himself. But he concealed this, as best as he could, for Elanor's sake.
At last, they came to Mithlond, just as deep night began to set it, and the first stars had already appeared in the velvety sky. At last they came to the narrow inlet of the Sea, where the great white ship was awaiting him.
And when Sam beheld the ship, bobbing gently in the water beside the quay, the very one he had seen so long ago, but always remembered so poignantly in his heart, tears stung his eyes.
Cirdan the Shipwright was there, and if possible, Sam though he looked even older than he had remembered, but his eyes were just as brilliant as ever. He gave Sam a knowing glance, and led him through to the Havens. Before boarding the ship, he turned slowly to face his daughter, and clasped her hands in his. He looked long upon her face, his own set in a deeply pensive expression, brows deeply furrowed, his mouth drawn in a tight line. He sensed that the very same feelings were coursing through her mind that he too had experienced. He understood exactly the way she was feeling.
He put his own emotions aside, knowing that they would only make the parting all the more grievous for his daughter, and spoke to her in a soft, unwavering voice.
"Elanor, my flower, fairer than any other in the land. Please, do not be sad. For I go to a place where I can find peace. And I shall go on, and you will go on, and you will live your life. And you can rest easy knowing your old dad has found his place, and he'll be well taken care of. Don't you worry yourself for my sake. You were meant to live in happiness. And I'm not going to get in the way of that. I could never a borne it…. Before I leave, I want you to take this." and he rummaged in his pocket and pulled out the Red Book. "Keep it. To remember me by. And to see to it that our Story is not forgotten. Remember, my sweet, that even though you won't be finding me in the Shire, you can find me in the gardens all in blossom in the spring, in the sunlight that kisses your forehead, and the breeze that refreshes you on a summer's day, if you understand me. There's a little bit of me in everything you do, everywhere you go. Even if you can't see me, you can always find me here.." and he folded her hand to her heart. "Where it counts."
At last, he went on board the ship, but was so reeling in his emotion, he barely even took heed of the gathering of Elves that would accompany him.
Elanor stared after him, tears streaming silently down her face, but amidst them, she managed a small smile. Everything was for the best, after all. She held the Red Book against her tightly, as she watched the ship bearing her father slowly disappear into obscurity. Then she mounted the horse and rode away, never looking back.
Sam stepped into the magnificently crafted boat of pure white, but was far too weary -- both physically and emotionally -- to truly appreciate them at the moment. He peered out into the vast ebbing water, lapping up gently against the boat rhythmically, and stared out in silence at all he was leaving behind.
He felt his eyes mist over as the shores of Middle-earth slowly receded into the distance, and at last, were altogether lost from his sight, vanishing into nothingness.
"Good-bye Shire. Good-bye Middle-earth. Good-bye my children… Know I'll always love you with all my heart. Good-bye Rose, my dear sweet Rose. Till our paths meet again. Good-bye…"
Sam walked purposefully back to Bag End, a glint of determination in his eyes; determination to adhere to his resolve.
"My mind's made up." he thought to himself. "There's only one place for me now."
As he made his way through Hobbiton, some of the hobbit passer-bys gave Sam sad, understanding looks, a few stopped and asked him "How are you, Mr. Gamgee?" to which Sam simply nodded his head abruptly, still looking straight ahead, not stopping to meet their gaze.
No sooner than he had walked through the green round door of his home, he hurriedly packed all his most precious belongings that he could not bear to part with. Last of all, he tucked the Red Book deep into his coat pocket, then stepped outside once more.
"Hullo! You there, young lad, I'd like a word with you, if you will." "Yes, Mr. Gamgee, sir?" "Be a good lad, and send for my children, right away. They shouldn't-a wandered off too far. They'll be about somewhere near at hand." "All right, sir, I'll do what I can."
And Sam eased himself into the deep plush cushions of his armchair, eyes fixated on the dying embers of the smoldering fire, and waited expectantly.
It might have been ten minutes or ten days later, for all Sam knew, when at last, he was snapped out of his reverie by the sound of the front doorbell.
"Huh.. Who's there?" he called, as if in a daze.
"Dad, it's us!" came the voice of his youngest son, Tom. "Didn't you call for us?" "Good heavens, I'd nearly forgotten!" Sam said to himself, as he hurried to the front door. Lo and behold, all thirteen of his children were clustered about the doorstep.
"My children…" he murmured, and tears welled up in his eyes.
"Daddy, what's wrong? Are you all right?" Elanor cried, hurrying forward.
"Nothing, dear. I just needed to see you. All of you. There's something important that needs saying, and the longer I wait, the harder it'll be to finally say it.
"Dad, are you…." Robin started.
"Now now, let's not have none of that. I'm fine… well, not fine, but there's something that needs mending."
"What is it, dad?" Bilbo started. "What can we do to help?"
"No, Bilbo-lad, I'm afraid that there's nothing for it now but for me to help myself. Which is why I brought you all here. Come and sit with me."
Sam's children all settled uneasily into the nearest seat, and waited with bated breath for their father to speak.
At last, he said:
"Children, I realized something just last night, when I was awake in bed. You remember in the Story how old Frodo, after all he had suffered, had to leave, go away. It was because of something he once told me. And now I understand. I'm wounded, my children. The kind of wound that never really goes away. Just like Frodo was. And you see, my dears, there's naught else to help it but… to go away. I'm leaving, kids. I'm leaving for the Grey Havens." and he said no more, and could not look into the eyes of any of his children. And all the room was filled with a stark silence, broken only by a small whimper, coming from his daughter Primrose.
"Now, listen. I want you all to know that you mean the world to me. All of you. I don't want to leave you behind this way." And here his voice cracked. "But I have to. I have to, and there's no other way."
And then and there, they all rose to their feet, as one, and went to their father's side, holding him, and crying with him, and kissing his tear-streaked face. They were all held together in mutual sorrow, and pity, and most of all profound love for one another: for theirs was a bond that could never truly be broken. But when the weeping subsided, and the shock of this news became a bit less severe, they spoke once more.
"Isn't there nothing we could do?" Hamfast implored. "Nothing we could do to help?"
"No, my boy. This is how it has to be. But you're all grown, and you can all look out for yourselves now. You've all started your own lives; you'll get along just fine. Now then, I've already got all my things packed. It's not much. But I ride out tonight. And I'd like for all of you to see my off. Not too far. Not as far as the Havens." and they all knew it wasn't an invitation, it was an order, and certainly none among them would begrudge him this last wish.
And so, just as the sun began to settled down behind the Blue Mountains, and dusk began to settle quietly all about the world, they were off, all huddled in a horse-drawn carriage, and they passed stealthily through the Shire, so as not to draw too much attention to themselves. At last, they came to the last borders of Hobbiton, and now the setting sun had tinted the sky all in a beautiful rosy haze. But they all knew that the bitter parting had finally come, and they were deeply mournful at heart, and they paid no heed to the world around them. Sam had gathered himself up, was helped down off the carriage, and he took one of the horses and made ready to ride. He went to his each of his children, holding them long in his embrace. He said such fatherly little nothings as,
"Pippin-lad, you stay out of mischief, now." "Goldilocks, you be good to young Faramir." and "Rose, did I ever tell you how much you look like your mother?" And he kissed each of them in farewell: Elanor Frodo, Rose, Merry, Pippin, Goldilocks, Hamfast, Daisy, Primrose, Bilbo, Ruby, Robin, and Tom.
Before leaving, he went to his son, Frodo, last of all, and spoke to him privately.
"Frodo-lad, now you're all grown and as stout and clever, and good as a hobbit could wish. I leave Bag End to you, to do with it what you will. But please, my lad, promise me this much: that at least you'll see to it that the gardens are taken care of. So that come the springtime, I can count on the flowers bein' in full bloom, and in the height of their splendor, just the way I remembered them."
"Yes, dad. Of course I will. I promise I'll do all I can to keep them just as beautiful as they were when you tended to them. 'Course, it'll never be the same. Not with you gone…" and he cast his eyes to the ground, ashamedly, trying to conceal the hurt in his eyes as he spoke to his father for the last time. Sam cupped his son's chin in his hands, and lifted his head gently to meet his gaze. Frodo's eyes were shining with tears, and his face screwed up in an expression of utter sadness.
"Frodo, my lad. It's all right." Sam murmured, pulling him into his arms. And his son wept openly into his shoulder. "That's all right my lad. There's no shame in it. But I need to know that you'll be strong for me, when I'm gone, and mind your brothers and sisters. You'll all be needing each other. If there's one thing that I learned in all my years of living, it's that family is all you've really got, and you got to appreciate that while you still have it. Now you take care of them for me, Frodo-lad." and he kissed his son's forehead.
But Elanor was loath to leave her father now, and said to him,
"I'm going with you. No matter how far, no matter how long the journey, I'm going with you." and Sam was both moved and secretly glad that the gesture had been made, and she was not gainsaid.
And so, Elanor rode out with her father, for she in her heart knew she couldn't bare to be apart from him in his final hours on the earth. Just as Sam had done with Frodo more than sixty years ago.
They rode on, past the White Downs, and then the Far Downs, and the Tower Hills. And already the Sea had come into view, it's endless tide resounding in their heads, and moving Sam to silent tears, for this was a sound that he had carried in his heart for so long. And with it was tied so many memories, so much emotion, that he simply could not suppress himself. But he concealed this, as best as he could, for Elanor's sake.
At last, they came to Mithlond, just as deep night began to set it, and the first stars had already appeared in the velvety sky. At last they came to the narrow inlet of the Sea, where the great white ship was awaiting him.
And when Sam beheld the ship, bobbing gently in the water beside the quay, the very one he had seen so long ago, but always remembered so poignantly in his heart, tears stung his eyes.
Cirdan the Shipwright was there, and if possible, Sam though he looked even older than he had remembered, but his eyes were just as brilliant as ever. He gave Sam a knowing glance, and led him through to the Havens. Before boarding the ship, he turned slowly to face his daughter, and clasped her hands in his. He looked long upon her face, his own set in a deeply pensive expression, brows deeply furrowed, his mouth drawn in a tight line. He sensed that the very same feelings were coursing through her mind that he too had experienced. He understood exactly the way she was feeling.
He put his own emotions aside, knowing that they would only make the parting all the more grievous for his daughter, and spoke to her in a soft, unwavering voice.
"Elanor, my flower, fairer than any other in the land. Please, do not be sad. For I go to a place where I can find peace. And I shall go on, and you will go on, and you will live your life. And you can rest easy knowing your old dad has found his place, and he'll be well taken care of. Don't you worry yourself for my sake. You were meant to live in happiness. And I'm not going to get in the way of that. I could never a borne it…. Before I leave, I want you to take this." and he rummaged in his pocket and pulled out the Red Book. "Keep it. To remember me by. And to see to it that our Story is not forgotten. Remember, my sweet, that even though you won't be finding me in the Shire, you can find me in the gardens all in blossom in the spring, in the sunlight that kisses your forehead, and the breeze that refreshes you on a summer's day, if you understand me. There's a little bit of me in everything you do, everywhere you go. Even if you can't see me, you can always find me here.." and he folded her hand to her heart. "Where it counts."
At last, he went on board the ship, but was so reeling in his emotion, he barely even took heed of the gathering of Elves that would accompany him.
Elanor stared after him, tears streaming silently down her face, but amidst them, she managed a small smile. Everything was for the best, after all. She held the Red Book against her tightly, as she watched the ship bearing her father slowly disappear into obscurity. Then she mounted the horse and rode away, never looking back.
Sam stepped into the magnificently crafted boat of pure white, but was far too weary -- both physically and emotionally -- to truly appreciate them at the moment. He peered out into the vast ebbing water, lapping up gently against the boat rhythmically, and stared out in silence at all he was leaving behind.
He felt his eyes mist over as the shores of Middle-earth slowly receded into the distance, and at last, were altogether lost from his sight, vanishing into nothingness.
"Good-bye Shire. Good-bye Middle-earth. Good-bye my children… Know I'll always love you with all my heart. Good-bye Rose, my dear sweet Rose. Till our paths meet again. Good-bye…"