To Help Me Get Through

By SandpiperGrl

Disclaimer: Same as the previous chapters

Chapter 4

Coming in to the Reason

After closing the door, Sara realized that it wasn't such a good idea to leave. Rain was coming down in buckets and she was standing in it. However, she wasn't about to go back in and face Grissom, although she was happy that he was the one who had rescued her yet again this year. She wasn't about to go in and tell him the story that haunts her every year. So, she sat down on the step, drawing her legs up to her chest and wrapping her arms around her legs. Suddenly, Grissom came out and sat down next to her with an umbrella, shielding her from the rain.

"What?" asked Sara, not looking at the person next to her.

"Walk me through it."

"I can't" said Sara in a low voice

"You have to talk about it sometime."

"I've already been through counseling, and see where it got me?"

"Come on, let's go in," said Grissom, standing up and holding out his hand.

Sara sighed and looked up at him, before reaching up and taking his hand. The two of them went back into the dryness of Grissom's townhouse. Grissom put the umbrella in its holder before disappearing down a hallway. Sara meanwhile stood in one spot with her arms wrapped around herself. Grissom returned with a towel, which he wrapped around her and guided her down the hall, and into his room. He left her on his bed and went over to his dresser, retrieving one of his LVPD T-shirts and a pair of sweat pants.

"Here, you can change," said Grissom, before walking around Sara.

"Grissom?" a very shaky voice inquired. Grissom turned and looked at her.

"Thanks"

He returned her small smile with one of his own before closing the door so she could change.

Sara looked at the items in her hand before sitting on the edge of the bed. Suddenly the tears that she had been holding back came flowing down. She wiped them away before lying down on her back and staring at the ceiling. The memory that she had tried so hard to forget came flooding back.

San Francisco

April 12, 1996

Assistant Coroner's Office

A tall blonde girl walks in and goes to the front desk of the Coroner's Office. She greets the lady behind the desk with a small smile, which is returned.

"Could you tell me where in this huge building I can find Sara Sidle?" asks the blonde

"She's with the Coroner right now, uh, I can page her," says the girl behind the desk.

"That would be wonderful"

"Can I get your name?"

"Oh, sorry, it's Abby Sidle"

"Just one second" the girl behind the desk picked up the phone and pushed a few numbers and waited.

"Sara, this is Shelley at the front desk, uh, there is a girl here to see you"

"Right, Abby"

"Okay, I'll do that". Shelley hung up the phone and got up from her chair and came around the desk.

"Miss Sidle, come with me," says Shelley, leading Abby down a huge hallway with several doors on each side. The building itself was a two-story building with square paned windows that went all around the building. The halls were painted a solid gray which made the place scarier than it should've been. Shelley opened a door at the end of the hall, which opened up to a large room that was brightened by the windows that were on all four walls. In the room was a bookshelf with many types of books and a somewhat weird sculpture of something. It also contained on one wall a computer desk and on the other wall was a single stand that held a plant. In the middle of the room was a round table with 6 chairs around it.

"Sara will be in here in just a few minutes" says Shelley, leaving and closing the door. Abby walked over to the shelf and examined the books, most of which were autopsy books. Abby shook her head as she turned and sat down at the table to wait on Sara......

Sara sat up and opened her eyes. She looked around the room which was as simple as the man who slept here, but just as complicated. She wondered if someday he would take the risk that he couldn't take the day she asked him to dinner. What she thought was a flat out refusal actually turned out to be him not able to risk their friendship. She understood, but it didn't make it any easier for her. She just kept on hoping that maybe it would happen someday. She sighed and started to change her clothes.

Meanwhile, Grissom sat in the living room staring at the hall, waiting for Sara to come out. He was starting to wonder if he should go and ask if she was all right when she came out holding her wet clothes. Grissom got up and took her clothes.

"I made some tea"

"Thanks" says Sara, meeting Grissom's eyes for the first time.

Grissom noticed a tear, reaching up and wiping it away with his thumb. He stared into her eyes and for the first time saw the pain that for so long had been there. Sara broke away from the stare and walked around him. Grissom watched her as she went to the couch and sat down. He then disappeared into a small room off the kitchen. When he came out, he saw that Sara was no longer in the living room. He walked down the small hall in search of her. He found her sitting on his bed, holding something in her hand. He slowly walked in and sat down next to her. Grissom looked down at her hand.

"Abby gave me this one day" explained Sara, looking down at the necklace.

"For no reason, she came to the coroner's office and gave it to me" says Sara trying not to cry.

"It was two days before....." Sara's voice trailed off and the tears that she was trying so hard to keep back came flowing down her face.

Grissom put his arm around her as she leaned into him. Grissom wrapped his other arm around in front of her. Sara held on to him tightly as she cried.

"Sara, you need to confront this."

"I can't" came Sara's voice, breaking up as she cried.

"You have to; you can't keep this bottled up inside anymore"

"Please, Grissom, don't make me relive it" says Sara, pushing Grissom away and leaving the room.

"Sara" called Grissom, getting up and following her into living room.

"Grissom, why do you want me to relive something that I relive every time I work a rape case? Why do you want me to suffer so much?"

"Sara, I don't want you to suffer"

"Yes, you do, you put me on these cases and you know the torment that I go through each time!"

"Sara, that's not why I put you on those cases..."

"Then why?"

Silence filled the room as Grissom stood in the doorway and Sara a few feet from him.

"Grissom, just leave me alone" said Sara, turning her back to Grissom.

Grissom looks at Sara's back for a moment, before closing the door without a word. Sara sits down on the bed and starts to cry again, only this time not because of her memory.

TBC.