Hello, again! I'm sorry I took forever to update this story, but I was suffering from a double case of writer's block and damn lazy. I really appreciate all the sweet reviews I've gotten:

Mina a.k.a. Mockingbird: Thank you for your glowing praise! (Beams). This is the funniest one you've ever read? That's quite a compliment. Thank you very much!

BurningTyger: I love Merry and Pippin too! Your review was funny because I never intended to write this story with Pippin and Aragorn slash. It wasn't until I re-read my chapters that I realized it did seem like Pippin had a crush on Aragorn. I've made a note of your observation in this chapter. No Merry jealousy in this story, but, well—oh, I can't say! Keep reading to find out what secrets lie in the cousins' past!

Jelli-Baby: Aw, could you be any more of a sweetheart? Thank you! I am continuing, so don't try to breathe your tuna breath on me just yet! Your math was correct—I'm 22 (I feel so old!). Yeah, I've tried to cut back on the 80's references in this chapter. I don't know if you get VH1 (You live in England, right?), but they made the very funny series "I Love the 80s," which could help with any gaps in your 80s-education. Thanks for your support!

Fancyfantasyfairy: Oh, yeah, the evil cliffhangers! Thanks for the review!

Ode2Joy: Thank you so much for your reviews! I was very flattered that you liked my story, especially because I love "Frodo and Sam Go to the Mall." It's gold, baby! It always makes me happy to hear that I made somebody laugh. As point of interest—the Bubble Fairy thing is actually based on a true story. Not involving Pippin, of course…

Maidens-of-the-Dragon's-Zodiac: No, YOU rock! A puddle of laughiness all over your keyboard? Sounds messy ;-) Thanks for your awesome support, I really appreciate it.

Lady-Willowish: Thank you for reviewing this story AND "It's Flashy to Be Slashy!" You're great. You wish you could write funny stuff like this? I wish I could write something as beautiful as "Drowning Solitude!" It's excellent!

Angel13: Thank you for your review! I'm so glad that you liked it!

Special thanks to Christie from the snoifle-head! Now where's my doggy treat??

Disclaimer: Okay, I do not own anything LOTR-related. I do not own Caboodles, Ulta, The Wizard of Oz, the lyrics to Miss Suzie Had a Steamboat (Would somebody really sue me over those? Yikes.), or Highlights magazine. If you recognize anything, you can bet I'm not laying claims to it.

THWAP!

"Stop it."

THWAP!

"Stop it."

The eight of us were assembled in a room of the ER unit. I had a feeling that having eight individuals squashed back there probably violated some kind of OSHA regulations, but none of the triage nurses (who all remembered us from prior visits) looked like they wanted to deal with us in chairs. Presently, Gimli was perched on the edge of the examination table—his forehead was taped together with a few butterfly bandages. The washcloth he had been using was now half-dyed red. Legolas, Aragorn, Frodo, Sam, and I were scattered around the room sitting in chairs we borrowed from the hallway. Merry and Pippin were crouched on the floor playing a game called, 'Let's Bother the Big People.' In this game, one hobbit would squat by me, and the other by Aragorn, and "thwap" their respective Big Person in the shins with a rolled Highlights magazine. Aragorn and I would say "stop it" after every "thwap" until we would become so irritated that we'd lift our feet to shove them away. I picked up my foot to nudge Pippin away, all the while reminding myself, 'It's wrong to kick a hobbit. It's wrong to kick a hobbit.'

As soon as he saw my foot rise, Pippin shrieked with laughter and bolted away from me. He and Merry yelled, "Switch!" and Pippin went over to give Aragorn a few good swats while Merry scuttled across the room to resume torturing me.

THWAP!

"Stop it," Aragorn said.

THWAP!

"Stop it," I said.

Legolas, who was leaning against the wall and still rubbing his head, let out a sigh. "You are all being quite irritating," he said, nodding at the four of us.

"ALL of us?" Aragorn questioned him. "Do I look like I'm enjoying this?"

"Besides, this was Annie's idea," Merry added.

"What?!" I said. "How did you work out that one?"

"Well, you wouldn't let us play 'Cup' with my Official Dominic Monaghan Cup," Merry reminded me, "and you said, 'I'm sure you can both find something else to do.'" (A/N: Listen the FOTR cast commentary if you need an explanation about the Official Dominic Monaghan Cup.)

"Oh, of course," I said. "Anyone would take that to mean, 'Please hit Aragorn and me with the magazines you stole from the waiting room.'"

"Why don't you put those back?" Aragorn asked them, nodding at the magazines. "It's not right to take things that don't belong to you."

"This valuable lesson was brought to you by the freakin' King of Gondor," Gimli drawled as the rest of us (save Aragorn) snickered.

Merry pointed at our chairs. "Ahem," he said. "I don't think these chairs were in this room when we came here."

"That's different," I said.

"Why?"

Aw, crap. "Well, um," I began searching for a lame excuse. I found one. "At least Aragorn and I aren't using our chairs to beat you and Pippin about the legs."

"Yet," Aragorn muttered.

"Anyway," I continued, "will you two get off the floor? You're gonna get dirty."

"REALLY?" Aragorn cried. In one millisecond, he slid off his chair and joined Merry and Pippin on the floor. The three of them gave me self-satisfied smirks.

Pippin giggled. "You're on our side!" he told Aragorn, taking the opportunity to bop the King of Gondor on the head with the Highlights magazine. At the same time, Merry gave me an extra hard crack in the shins with his magazine.

THWAP!

"THAT'S IT!" Aragorn and I yelled. He grabbed Pippin's arm and I grabbed Merry's. We both seized the Highlights magazines and threw them against the wall.

"Now you sit here," I said firmly as I pulled Merry into my lap. I folded his arms against his chest and gripped him in a bear hug from behind, effectively pinning him down. Aragorn did the same with Pippin. Both hobbits squirmed in an attempt to either escape of get more comfortable, so Aragorn and I tightened our holds. Pippin didn't seem to mind this too much. 'Hmmm,' I mused. 'Maybe BurningTyger was right!'

Merry continued to wriggle. "I can't find a comfortable place," he complained.

"Too bad," I replied unsympathetically.

He twisted around a bit to face me. "No, I remember how my head used to fit right there," he nodded at the spot where my neck met my shoulder.

I gave him a wry smile. "Yeah, well, that was before you and Pippin shot up from drinking all--"

"Oh, no way in hell!"

Pippin glanced up and his face brightened. "Look, everybody! It's our friend!"

I groaned and buried my face in Merry's shoulder. "Our friend" was Dr. Cole. Amazingly, in all of our previous ER trips, including the last three, she was always the doctor who attended to us. She clearly did not consider this a privilege.

"Is she allowed to say 'hell'?" Sam whispered to Legolas.

Legolas shrugged. "Why not? One can't expect humans to have the same amount of decorum and composure that the elves possess."

Aragorn and I regarded Legolas darkly as Dr. Cole stalked over to examine Gimli. "Unbelievable," she chided. "What happened this time?"

Everyone took a turn in describing the events that took place this evening.

"And I thought that this was going to be a fun sleepover," Gimli lamented.

Dr. Cole turned to give me a fierce look. "You're having another sleepover?" she asked incredulously. "You haven't learned anything from the previous occasions, have you?"

"How is this my fault?" I asked, trying not to scream.

"I just can't believe you would bring all of them together again. Never in the whole of my career have I seen such a small group of people get injured so frequently."

She began to stitch Gimli's forehead. He flinched slightly. "Am I hurting you?" she asked.

"Of course not," Gimli responded, summoning up all of his dwarfly bravado.

Pippin turned to Aragorn. "Please let me go?" he asked in a hushed tone. "I promise I'll be good."

Aragorn looked doubtful, but he released his grip on the hobbit anyway. Pippin scurried over to Gimli and held his hand. Gimli flushed with embarrassment, but he didn't pull away. Smiling up at Dr. Cole, Pippin commented, "We've had some fun times, haven't we, doctor? Remember when we all first met?"

Dr. Cole grimaced and nodded. "I should have turned around and fled the minute I saw you and that other one," she said, nodding at Frodo (Sam looked indignant), "with that police officer." She looked at me and said, "I believe that incident occurred at your house as well, miss!"

I squinched my eyes shut. "Well, yeah, but it wasn't my fault!"

Flashback to the first time we needed a trip to the ER. This took place years ago, prequest:

My neighbor with a mid-life crisis was mad. Frodo had been giving Pippin a ride in his new Barbie Jeep (Bilbo acquired it on one of his travels), and he succeeded in driving two feet down the block before he rammed it into the side of Neighbor-With-a-Mid-Life-Crisis' convertible. Mr. MLC was quite upset. He ran out front, screamed at Frodo and Pippin, and then screamed at me before he called the police. Officer Grossman (relatively nice guy) showed up to fill out the accident report.

"Do you have a license?" he asked Frodo.

Frodo looked at him blankly.

"Registration?"

Another blank stare.

"Insurance?"

"It's a friggin' Barbie Jeep!" I exclaimed.

Officer Grossman glared at me. Ooops. That wasn't supposed to be out loud.

"Sir," I added sweetly, giving him my 'I'm a good girl' smile.

"Can you vouch for this young man's driving abilities?" he asked me.

"Oh, absolutely! This is the first time he's ever had an accident!" (This was also the first time he'd ever driven, but I neglected to mention that minute detail.)

"Frodo's a very good driver!" Pippin chimed in from the passenger's seat. "You should have seen him before he took his hands off the wheel!"

Pffft went the air out of Frodo's already weak defense.

'Thank you, Pippin,' I thought. Mr. MLC looked like he wanted to strangle Frodo.

Officer Grossman furiously scribbled away on his report. "That's not a safe thing to do, son," he addressed Frodo. "Why were your hands off the steering wheel?"

"Well, you see, sir," Frodo began, "I was trying to teach a hand-clapping game to my little cousin here," he gestured to Pippin. "It a rather good one—'Miss Suzie Had a Steamboat.'"

Officer Grossman stopped writing. "'Miss Suzie Had a Steamboat'?" he asked, looking up.

"Do you know it, sir?" Pippin asked him.

"I LOVE that song!" Officer Grossman declared.

Frodo gave him a happy smile. "Would you like to sing it with us?"

"Why, yes, I would!"

Mr. MLC and I looked on as the three of them clapped each other's hands in turn and sang, "Miss Suzie had a steamboat/The steamboat had a bell/Toot! Toot!/Miss Suzie went to heaven/The steamboat went to hello, operator/Please give me number nine…"

End flashback.

Frodo shook his head in bewilderment. "We were all having such a nice time until that angry man started throwing his lawn furniture at us."

Pippin lifted a few locks of hair off of his forehead. "I still have the scar from where one of the pieces hit me," he said, pointing to a spot below his hairline. "Annie, what was that table made of again?"

"Um, wrought iron," I answered quietly.

Dr. Cole continued to stitch up Gimli as she griped, "Oh, I've had enough of you people and blunt head traumas!"

Merry started to laugh. "Strider, do you remember the time--"

"Yes!" Aragorn interrupted in a grim tone.

I smirked, knowing exactly what Merry was talking about. It happened over a year ago during Arwen's birthday party in Minas Tirith. Aragorn and Gandalf were in their very rare silly moods, which are often preceded by their not-so-rare drinking moods. Anyway, Aragorn announced that it was time for a musical interlude. He took a swig from a glass—that was filled with fish tank water—and proceeded to gargle out, "If I/were the King/of the Forrrrrrrest!" It was quite a performance. Elladan and Elrohir nearly killed each other trying to get to the bathroom before they wet themselves.

After that entertaining bit, Gandalf asked Aragorn to be his partner in a wheelbarrow race that was taking place in the hall. I'm not exactly sure what happened after that because, in my own drunken state, I pulled a random party guest under the piano and spent the better part of a half hour making out with him. (Oh, shut up.) From what I could gather, Aragorn's damn long legs knocked Gandalf off balance and they both crashed into…something. It sounded big and expensive when it broke, though. When I finally managed to drag myself out into the hallway, I saw Arwen chasing both Aragorn and Gandalf around with Gandalf's staff. She managed to get in a few good smacks before Aragorn passed out.

"And you, Mr. Elf," Dr. Cole's voice yanked me back to the present. "Didn't I see you six months ago for several leg lacerations?"

"He went after me with an axe!" Legolas exclaimed, pointing at Gimli.

"You deserved it!" Gimli shot back before he broke into a stream of Dwarvish curses.

"I agree with Gimli," Aragorn said.

"So do I," Merry added.

"I just think what you did was a bit harsh," Frodo told Legolas diplomatically.

I had to concur. What happened was, Gimli stole Legolas' favorite comb so he could untangle his beard. Now, Gimli's got a pretty thick and heavy beard, so the comb snapped before he could work it through his fifth snarl. Not wanting to tell Legolas what he did, Gimli decided to glue the comb back together and sneak it back into Legolas' Caboodles box before he got back from Ulta. In retrospect, Gimli probably should have made sure the glue was dry and the comb was devoid of any incriminating red hairs because when the comb became stuck in Legolas' hair, he had a very good idea of who was at fault. For revenge, Legolas picked up the phone and called Animal Control, telling them that there was a dangerous, squat, ginger-haired creature on the loose. Imagine Gimli's surprise when he found himself being pursued by three uniformed people wielding tranquilizer guns and a net.

"You've been nurturing that grudge for too long, Gimli," Legolas noted. "They released you eventually."

"On a LEASH!" Gimli reminded him, trying to lunge off the table. Dr. Cole held him back.

"Don't move like that again!" she scolded him. "You'll rip your stitches and I REFUSE to be the only doctor in the tri-state area who has destroyed a dwarf's forehead. We are, however," she continued, "the only hospital in the tri-state area that has admitted hobbits for Spider-Man-related trauma and injuries."

I made an "oops" face. "Okay, that one was a little bit my fault."

"That one was a LOT your fault!" Sam said, shuddering.

Let me just say that that took place a couple of years ago, after everyone had returned from the quest. I hadn't seen any of the hobbits for over a year, so I was pretty stoked when they came back. As a kind of welcome back present, I said that I'd take them all out to eat and then we could see a movie. They jabbered all through lunch about their adventures and how they had all these pending book and movie deals. Everyone was in a great mood until the movie started. The instant the title, "Spider-Man" appeared on the screen, Frodo and Sam freaked out. They spent the next two hours rocking back and forth in their seats yelling, "We don't like spiders!" Merry and Pippin, on the other hand, were enthralled. As soon as the movie was over, they tried to climb the walls. Note to anyone who is reading this: Hobbits have no wall-climbing abilities. Don't let them try to convince you otherwise.

I gave Dr. Cole a weak smile. "The only hospital in the tri-state area, huh? That's gotta be something."

"Oh, yes," she replied, actually sounding semi-pleased. "We've got a plaque and everything." She tied off the thread and announced, "We're done."

"You have some very nice handiwork, doctor," Sam complimented her.

"Right," Dr. Cole said briskly. "You'll have to come back to have your stitches removed," she informed Gimli. "After that," she said, turning to the rest of us, "I would prefer not to see any of you ever again."

"We'll try to honor your wishes," I said, standing up. "Thanks for your help."

"Yes, thank you," the others called back as we headed out the door.

"Aughiusrhab," I moaned once we were out the door.

"What does that mean?" Frodo asked me.

"It's my way of saying that I'm very tired and hungry right now," I responded.

"I'm hungry too!" Pippin stated.

The rest of us exchanged glances. There was a shocker.

"Why don't we just stop at the cafeteria here?" Aragorn asked.

"Ew, I'll starve, thanks," I said, making a face.

"You're too picky!" Gimli told me.

"I'm really not," I replied.

"Let's just stop in, seeing as how we're already here," Legolas reasoned.

"Yeah!" the four hobbits cried in unison, looking more ravenous by the second.

Oh, geez. "Fi-- " was all that I got out before everyone made a mad dash for the hospital caf. Hey, it had to be better than nothing, right?

After Gimli, Aragorn, Legolas, and I picked out rolls, vegetables, and our choice of meat, we tried to find a table. We told the hobbits to join us as soon as they were done ordering enough food to feed three small countries. The cafeteria staff looked astounded.

Sitting down, we surveyed our trays. I was going eat my chicken breast first, but I was put off that idea when I discovered my fork could bounce off of it (A/N: True story). Legolas tore off a piece of his roll and popped it in his mouth. After a few seconds of chewing, his lip curled back in disgust. "What is THIS?" he asked.

"Not lembas," I snarked.

He gave me an evil look and was about to say something when Aragorn made a "blech" sound.

We turned to see him spit out a mouthful of corn into a napkin. "Even Eowyn can cook better than this!" he exclaimed.

"Hullo!" The hobbits were making their way toward the table; barely visible over their loaded down trays.

"Lads, don't touch anything you've taken!" Gimli yiped. "It's too late for us, but please save yourselves!"

Merry smiled. "Ha, I think you've forgotten that eating is a hobbit's strong point. We can stomach nearly anything."

We four had to admit that was true, so we sat back and watched as Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin, dove into their dinners.

Two bites into their meals, they looked at each other with sick expressions.

"Ugh!" was the group consensus.

Although it was probably obnoxious of me, I had to give them a smug smile. Even hobbits have their limits.

That's all for now! Thank you all for reading! You know what to do now, hit the review button to tell me what was good, what was bad, and what was just plain fugly.