DISCLAIMER- I don't own any of the characters
Chapter Thirteen
"And now, Wizards and Witches," Lord Voldemort said, stepping forward to address the audience. "We will stop performing this performance because will have already performed enough, and by performing enough, I have made what was supposed to be a performance legally valid."
"What are you talking about?" Someone in the audience shouted.
"Hermione Potter is now my wife, and I have control over her entire fortune." Lord Voldemort smirked evilly.
Everyone gasped and looked at one enother in shock, except for the members of the audience who were still asleep.
"That can't be!" Madam Hooch cried.
"The marriage laws are very simple." Lord Voldemort said proudly, showing off his brilliance. "All Hermione had to do was say "I do" in the prescene of someone authorized to marry people, and sign this document."
"But Hermione's so young!" Cried Madam Hooch. "Since when is she old enough to marry?"
"Since now!" Lord Voldemort laughed. "Since her legal guardian said so. And, besides being her new husband, I am also her legal guardian."
"But that's just a prop!" Madam Hooch protested, waving her hand at the document.
Lord Voldemort gave it to Madam Hooch and said, "If you look carefully, you will see that it is most certainly a real document from City Hall."
Madam Hooch took the paper and scanned it. Then she sighed. "You're right." She turned to Hermione. "I'm afraid, dear, that you name is now Lady Hermione.... Wait, is Voldemort your last name or first name?"
Suddenly, Mr. Fudge came running onto the stage. "She can't be married!" He cried. "This is ridiculous nonsense."
"I'm afraid that ridiculous nonsense is the law." Madam Hooch said, tears filling her eyes. "I can't believe how easily he tricked me!"
"You were tricked easily!" Lord Voldemort laughed. "It was child's play, winning this fortune. And now, I think my bride and I will be taking a trip to the bank."
"First let Ron go!" Harry shouted.
"Where's Ron?' Mr. Fudge inquired.
"He's all caged up at the moment." Lord Voldemort laughed, and his assistants joined in. "But all right." Lord Voldemort turned to the short, bald, nervous-looking man and said, "Go tell the blonde man that he can bring the brat back." The short, bald assistant scurried away. "There, are we all happy now?" Lord Voldemort glared at Harry.
"Yes." Harry muttered, even though it was a complete lie. He was not happy about the way things were turning out, but at least his brother wasn't stuck in a cage.
"I'm not happy at all!" Mr. Fudge cried. "This is insane. What kind of lunatic are you?"
"An intelligent, sly and crafty lunatic." Lord Voldemort smiled. "And I'm coming over tomorrow to withdraw the entire Potter fortune from Gringotts bank."
"I won't give it to you!" cried Mr. Fudge."I'll bar the doors so you can't come in!"
"I'm afraid he has every right to all Hermione's money." Madam Hooch said tearfully.
"Begging you pardon." Hermione said suddenly, "But I think you might be mistaken."
"What was that, Lady Hermione?" Asked Lord Voldemort, glaring at her.
"Don't call me that!" She glared back. "I'm not your wife, because I didn't sign the document with my own hand, as the law states."
"What are you talking about?" cried Lord Voldemort. "We all saw you! You're just being stupid!"
"No, I'm not." Hermione countered. "If you will give me the document." Madam Hooch handed it to her. "As you can see, the signature on this document is Hermeone. That's not my name. My name is spelled H E R M I O N E. This isn't my name."
"What?!!" Lord Voldemort snatched the paper from Madam Hooch and scanned it. Then he turned to Hermione. "Liar!" he cried.
"You can look on her birth certificate." Harry interjected. "Her name is definitely spelled H E R M I O N E.
"That doesn't matter." Lord Voldemort argued. "You signed it, so that's your signature, so this marriage is legally binding, so you are my wife, so I have control over your fortune! Nothing else matters!"
"I think I should be the one to say if it matters." Madam Hooch said quietly. Everyone looked at her. She closed her eyes, wrinkled her brow, and thought long and hard. The Potter children held their breath as Madam Hooch thought about the situation. Finally, she smiled. "Because Hermione did not sign the document with her name and signature, as the law states, this marriage is invalid. Lord Voldemort, you lose!" she yelled the last line to his face.
"Hooray!" cried the audience, and they began to clap, cheer and throw roses on the stage.
"That doesn't change a thing!" Lord Voldemort cried. "If you don't marry me again, properly this time, I will signal to my assistant and your brother will be-"
"I'm here!" Ron cried, running into the theater. "Too late!"
"Ron, you're safe." Hermione cried, almost in tears. She ran and hugged her brother. Harry did the same.
"Someone bring me something to eat!" Ron cried. "I'm starving!"
"How about some Bertie Botts Beans?" Harry suggested, laughing. Ron made a disgusted face.
"Arrrgh!" Lord Voldemort cried. Then he pointed at Hermione. "You may not be my wife, but you are still my daughter, so-"
"Do you seriously think," Mr. Fudge asked, exasperated, "that I would let you stay as guardian over these children?"
"But they're mine!" Lord Voldemort cried. "You can't take them away. I've done nothing illegal."
"Yes you have." Madam Hooch said. "You trapped Ron in a cage!"
"It was a clean cage!" Lord Voldemort argued.
"Arrest him!" A voice from the audience cried. Other people also took up the cry.
"Send him to jail!"
"He's and evil man!"
"And refund our tickets! It was a boring show!"
Mr. Fudge, after a brief fit of sneezing, said "I hereby arrest you in the name of the law!"
"And the children can live with me," Madam Hooch declared.
"Do you really mean it?" Hermione cried. "Can we read all your library books?"
"Can we play in your Quidditch field?" Harry asked.
"Can we eat all your Bertie Botts Beans?" Ron asked. "Just kidding, Harry can eat those."
Everybody laughed.
At this point in the story, I must interupt and give you one last warning. If may seem like Lord Voldemort's evil plans have been defeated and that he will be put in jail and the orphans will live happily with Madam Hooch and eat her candy. But if you believe this, you will be doing the exact opposite of the aphorism "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth." Instead of taking something good and saying it's bad, you will be taking a horrible, miserable story and pretending that it ends happy. But if you want to, you may. Then you won't start crying, and you will never know that when everyone was laughing, the blonde-haired man with cold, hard eyes who was in the cellar with Ron was sneaking across to a control panel on the side of the stage. He clicked a button and suddenly all the different spot lights were flickering on and off at once. The light was blinding. Everyone in the audience screamed and people covered their eyes to shut out the flashing different colored lights. Mr. Fudge grabbed Madam Hooch, thinking it was Voldemort. Hermione sat down with her head on the ground, trying to block out the brilliant lights.
Harry, who had seen the man just before he clicked the button, made his way toward the control panel as fast as he could. He had to try and shield his eyes from the light with every step. When he reached the control panel he thought back to when the blonde-haired man had pushed the button, and pushed what he thought was the same one. But then all the lights went out and people screamed even more. So he punched another button and a few central lights went on. It was enough for people to see.
Lord Voldemort, in the distraction, had run to the door of the theater with his assistants. As he ran outside he yelled, "I'll get your fortune yet, Potters! And when I do, I'll kill you all with my own two hands!" Him and his assistants laughed maniacally, and were gone.
"After them!" Mr. Fudge cried, sneezing into his hankerchief. By the time they had gotten outside, they could see, way, way down the street, a long black car driving away. Maybe it was Voldemort, maybe not.
"Blast it." Mr. Fudge cried. "They're gone. No matter. I'll call the police!"
The orphans had little hope that the police would catch someone as sly and sneaky as Lord Voldemort.
"Let's go home, children." Madam Hooch said. "I'll bake you a cake."
Mr. Fudge looked down at the ground and gave a small sneeze. "I'm sorry children, but I can't allow you to be raised by someone who isn't a relative."
"But Madam Hooch is so kind and helpful!" Hermione cried.
"But you do want to obey your parents' wishes, do you not?" Mr. Fudge asked. "And you parents' will said only a relative. Come back to my house and I'll find a relative for you tomorrow."
The children looked sadly at Madam Hooch and she hugged each of them goodbye. "I'll miss you." Her eye's filled with tears.
"We'll miss you too." Hermione sniffed.
Then they climbed into Mr. and Mrs.Fudge's cars along with them and waved to Madam Hooch as she became a small speck.
"So long!" Madam Hooch called after them.
"Farewell!" Harry said
"Auf Wiedersehen." Hermione added.
"Goodbye!" Ron cried.
They didn't understand why their lives were so unfortunate. But just because it doesn't make sense, doesn't mean it isn't so. As the Potters continued to wave, even when the automobile rounded a corner in the road, they felt they were moving in a direction that would only lead to more misery and unfortunate events. They felt like this was only a sinister start to a life full of unlucky occurances.
(A/N- About the whole inheritance thing. Even though Harry is the eldest and will inherit the fortune at age 18, if Lord Voldemort had killed Harry and married Hermione, then when she was 18, she would inherit the fortune)
REVIEWERS
curiousknowitall- I started reading the story by EyesOfEmerald. It's pretty good. Another really good Mauraders story is Forever Alive by Mordred. That's sooooooo good! It's rated PG-13, but she warns you in the disclaimer which chapters are the violent ones. They're mostly about Remus's transformations and they're really not that bad. It's really long though, 118 chapters!!! I love LOTR!!! That's such a good book and movie series.
candidus-lupus-full Moon- Thanks for reviewing. Glad you liked the chapter.
Alouette- Yeah, Prufrock will by Hogwarts. The Quagmires will be....actually, I think you're just going to have to wait and find out. Muahahahahaha!!! I think it's so weird how well the HP characters fit into the series of Unfortunate Events, don't you?
Visualpurple- Hey S!! I'm writing a Lemony Snicket story. It's going to be either called "The story of 3 initials, all of which are secret." but that might not fit. Rachel suggested I call it "Lemony Snicket" and then in the summary write "The truth behind the lies behind in the truth behind the man behind the hedges." That would be funny. Or I"ll call it "The Little Snicket Lad." But I also want to put in the summary "Before 3 unfortunate children were born, there was a little Snicket lad." Give me advice!
END OF BOOK 1 OF THE SERIES OF UNLUCKY OCCURANCES
To my kind Editor,
I am writing to you from the Dragonology Society, where I am trying to find out what happened to the Dragon collection of Professer Rubeus Hagrid following the miserable events that occurred with the Potter orphans were in his care.
One of my assosciates with place a box under the furthest table from the door to the Leaky Cauldron. Inside you will find a description of the miserable events in a book entitled
"The Dragon Dungeon, as well as a map of Stinky Street, a tape of the performance of Orphans in the Elevator Shaft, and Professor Hagrid's recipe for rock cakes.
Remember, you are my last hope that the tales of the Potter orphans can finally be told to the general public.
With all due respect,
Remus Lupin