DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything. I own nothing. I am not Tamora Pierce. Whatever way you say it, it means the same thing.

Chapter 2: Meet the Children

Alanna: It's chapter 2. Can I meet them now?

George: [grumbles] Fine! [blows a whistle]

All 7 Children: [come marching down stairs]

George: They're supposed to introduce themselves to you twice, but I'll leave now so the Almighty Author doesn't have to type it. [leaves]

Alanna: OK, so who the heck are you people?

Thayet: I'm Thayet. I'm 16 years old, and I'm going to marry your lover!

Alanna: You're marrying your FATHER? That's sick...

Thayet: No! The other one!

Alanna: Liam's dead...

Thayet: What ARE you? A slut or something?

Alanna: Well, actually...

Dom: [interrupts, not wanting to hear what she says] I'm Domitan. I'm 14, and you can call me Dom.

Alanna: Um, OK...Next?

Daine: I'm Veralidaine. I'm 13, and I have Wild Magic.

Alanna: That's nice.

Neal: I'm Nealan. I'm 11, and I despise Hat Casting.

Alanna: So what? NEXT!

Onua: I'm Onua, and I REALLY despise Hat Casting because I'm 10-YOUNGER THAN NEAL!

Alanna: Go see a shrink. Next?

Yuki: My name's Yuki, I'm almost 7, and I despise Hat Casting even more because I can't marry Neal! [sobs]

Almighty Author: [does a happy dance] I hate Yuki/Neal!

Alanna: Go AWAY! Next?

Maura: I'm Maura. I'm 5, and I could care less about Hat Casting.

Alanna: Whatever. Is that 7?

Daine: Yup.

Alanna: OK, then...go away or something.

George: Time for dinner!

Alanna: Crap.

Narrator: After dinner...

Jon: [appears randomly] HI!

Thayet: Eeek!

Alanna: Who are you?

Jon: Don't you remember me, Alanna? Your ex-lover?

Alanna: EVERYONE'S my ex-lover.

Thayet: [mutters] Slut.

Alanna: DON'T CALL THE HEROINE A SLUT!

Thayet: Whatever. I need to...uh...go. Yeah. Go.

George: [totally oblivious] Okey dokey!

Thayet: [runs out the door]

Jon: I need to...uh...go too.

George: [still oblivious] Whatever.

Outside, in the gazebo...

Thayet: I'm SO glad my dad's totally stupid.

Jon: No kidding. Anyway, I'm supposed to sing, right?

Thayet: I hope not!

Jon:

I am 17 going on 18

Baby, it's time to rest!

You need someone

Older and wiser

Telling you what to do!

I am 17 going on 18

I'll take care of you!

Thayet: Ew! Stop! PLEASE DON'T SING! And DON'T call me BABY.

Jon: Then YOU sing.

Thayet:

I am 16

Going on 17

And...um...what's next?

Jon: You're supposed to know!

Thayet: And wasn't I supposed to sing first?

Jon: Oh forget it!

Later...

Thayet: [climbs through Alanna's window]

Alanna: Stupid kid! Climb through your OWN WINDOW!

Thayet: [blinks] Why didn't I think of that?

Alanna: Now I'll force you to listen to me sing!

Thayet: NOOOO! Anything but that!

Alanna: Teehee. EVERYBODY GET IN HERE!

All the other children come running in, afraid of Alanna's wrath.

Alanna:

Sharp points on roses

And fangs on cute kittens

Yucky old sleigh bells

And moth-eaten mittens

Wild geese that poo on your head as they pass

These are a few of my least favorite things!

Dom: You brought us in here for THIS?

Alanna: Shut up!

Girls in blue dresses

With ugly orange sashes

Snowflakes that freeze on my nose and eyelashes

Freezing cold winters that don't go away

These are a few of my least favorite things!

Yuki: This is depressing...

Neal: It's not as depressing as having you, Daine, and Thayet as SISTERS. Who do I fall in love with? Kel?

Almighty Author: YES! [hops up and down]

Alanna: GO AWAY, Kalasin.

Almighty Author: ONLY CALL ME BY ALMIGHTY AUTHOR IN MY FICS!

Alanna: Eeek!

George: [walks in]

Almighty Author: [disappears]

George: What was that awful noise?

Alanna: I was SINGING.

George: That explains it.

Alanna: [mutters] Meanie.

George: What'd you say?

Alanna: I said...um...erode?

George: WHAT?

Alanna: I mean...um...uh...oh, nevermind.

George: Kids, go to bed.

All 7 children: YAY! [they leave]

George: Alanna? What do you have to say?

Alanna: See you next chapter?

A/N: Thanks to all my reviewers! I love you all! [huggles]

Someone (I'm too lazy to go look up the name) guessed that Thayet would be the oldest girl and Jon would be her boyfriend. Congratz, even if I did forget your name...

Yes, I know my chapters are short. It gets annoying constantly going back to watch the next piece of the movie...(Yup, I actually watch a little bit, then write it, watch, then write, etc. It helps me remember.)

OK, I'm done. I've got a little more Hat Casting to do...