"Sea of Stars"
A Gundam Wing Story
by Trekkiexb5
Category: Drama, Romance
Couples: 1xR, 2xH--the normal match-ups
Rating: R for language. Heero has a potty mouth and so does Zechs. It's a bit lime-y in parts, too.
Caution: part of this story is about rape, though it is really never described in detail.
Posting: I'm posting at fanfiction.net, but anyone can post it, as long as my name stays attached. AND you write me and tell me how bad (or good) it was.
Summary: Relena told him to get a life, so he did, of sorts. Now, it's her turn. But the past often shows it's ugly head at the worst of times. Are they ready to handle a past when they are just getting grips with the Present?
Gundam Wing isn't mine. If it was, you would be watching this, not reading it.
Author's notes: (author brandishing large paper fan) read. WHACK! read. WHACK!
HEY!! Free virtual Cheesy-doodles if you find quotes and situations from other shows and songs. The story's loaded with them.
Nobody hasn't 'fessed up yet. What, you don't like cheesy-doodles?
Special dedication to Pink Floyd. Dozens of their albums were playing during the making of this story. Also to THE BLACK ROSE. One of the best Gundam writers out there. And she gave something to appreciate just much as Gundam Wing fan fiction: Full Metal Panic! fan fiction. Check out "Dinner and Desert." As for Full Metal Panic!, weeellll, its the kinder, gentler, and funnier Gundam Wing. Heero and Sanosake are related, cousins really. I highly recommend.
****SPECIAL NOTE****
I'm really cranking them out. I plan 18 chapters and a second series. It's all mapped out. I'm writing a chapter a week and posting them every Friday. My beta is reading them and correcting them behind me so towards the end of the story, we will start reposting the corrected chapters. So if you want to get them for your own web page (you have my blessing, tell me where, though), you might want to wait till then. Mostly spelling and English errors.
NOW, ON WITH THE SHOW!!!!
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
***Remember the thing about rape. It will be discussed in this chapter. Serious nasty icky rotten lime warning. Not to be confused with fresh lime warning g. There will be some of those down the line
"Sea of Stars"
Chapter 5
A Crack in the Wall part 1: Is there anyone out there?
++++++++++++
The strings of plastic coloured lanterns tried vainly to compete with fantastic star field overhead. We were on the Mohlers' boat, the green and white "Southern Cross." Dave's delicious dinner eaten, we were now sitting on the deck on lawn chairs, talking. The blonde Mary Mohler was talking to Relena, telling anything and everything about Sargasso. Relena actually looked interested.
Her husband Chris, a balding marine biologist had gone inside to get more drinks. Anton was listening to Mary's chatter with some interest while holding Dave's hand. Dave, a blonde blue-eyed and often referred as an 'Adonis' by most of the women (and many of the men) of Sargasso was preening. He does that so well, that and acting like a stereotypical homosexual man. We ignore him as much as possible when in he's in that state.
I sat in silence, finally relaxing after several hectic days. I rolled the empty bottle of root beer (Mary wouldn't serve me alcohol. Mother hen) and contemplated my step in Relena's Healing Process.
Even though I'm far from normal, however I really believe I'm far better off than I was. I can have a normal job (which I have to go back to next week), I have friends, and I have a home...
OK, it's a little different.
Relena, however, has spent her most of her life in the spotlight. She was a prominent politician's daughter, a princess, a Queen, and finally a politician in her own right. Her work is important, butt at what cost?
Would the world self-destruct if she stepped down? Probably. She is willing to 'die' on her 'Cross of Peace'; the world's martyr. They love her, worship her, but they are also willing sacrifice her to Peace. Actually, I'm more concerned how I feel. I don't understand but I wish she would just stay with me forever.
Not that I don't want peace. I killed for peace. I stopped killing for peace. But for some reason I wasn't going to allow the world to destroy her for their own reasons. I didn't carry through my assassination of Relena so humankind could use her as a crutch.
"You are thinking hard, Heero, what's on your mind?" A bottle of root beer appeared in front of me.
After I grabbed the cold glass bottle, Chris flopped down in the empty lawn chair next to me. His lightly toned body settling uneasily in the seat. He dragged his hand through what's left of his light brown hair.
"Good clear night, eh," he said after a moment, looking at me sideways.
I took a sip of my drink. "hn."
"So?"
"So what?"
"Wha-ya thinking?"
Why do I surround myself with nosy people? I sigh, giving in. "I am thinking in how I should address Relena."
"Well, by her name should be sufficient, or does she like to be called Fluffy-bunny?" He grinned.
I glared at him. "No, how I should address Relena's problem."
He took a swig of his beer and looked thoughtfully at the crowd on the portside of the boat. "Well, I think for you that telling it like it is would be the best." He took another sip before continuing. "I think she would appreciate the honesty. Heero, but don't be harsh. Sugar coat it."
Sugar coat it? Could I sugar coat? I suppose I could. We sat in silence, listening to the ocean and the voices of friends and family. Just enjoying the warm summer night. And I left it at that.
Relena and I woke up in time for lunch. I called the hospital ship for an appointment later this week. I decided to take Relena on a tour of the Rotunda. I didn't have very much to do until work started back up.
She came out of her room and mumbled good morning to me. She plopped on one of the barstools at the table opposite me and looked disinteresting at my plain but good tasting meal. She picked up a fork and started to stab at the macaroni and cheese.
Over and over. What did macaroni and cheese do to her to deserve this?
I reached across the table and grabbed her hand. She looked at me, doll eyes were back.
I became upset. Did I mention I hate those doll eyes?
"This will stop- now," I said.
Her doll eyes blinked at me but she said nothing at me. Damnit!
I took a deep breath. Sugar coat, remember. "I know what was done to you was painful, humiliating, and very wrong." A glaze of pain flickered across her eyes. Good, emotions, finally. "But walking around here like a mobile suit without a pilot will not help you."
Her eyes widened at that statement. I felt a faint tug at my hand. Excellent. I continued. "It won't help you heal, it won't help me and sure as hell it won't help the peace you so carefully created."
The tug became more insistent. "Look, you need to talk about it, if not to me, then to a doctor." with my free hand I pulled her chin up so I could look her in the eyes. There was fear there. Fear of what? "I don't care what you do. Scream, throw things cry, hit me, but you need to express yourself." I bent over the table and looked her deep in the eyes. "Believe me, I know. I am an expert at it." Her eyes widened.
I released her and reached for the business card I sat out earlier. I handed her the card. She took it with trembling fingers. I took another deep breath. "Dr. Andrews isn't my shrink," Her eyes flashed up in wide surprise. "Yes, Relena I have a shrink. She isn't my shrink but she specializes in rape victims. If you don't want to tell me what happened," Another surprised look crossed her face. She knew my habits well. "Yes, Relena, I read the police report, but I would like to hear it in your own words. But it isn't important that you tell me."
Shit- Heero, that didn't sound quite right. The mini Duo was screaming rephrase and making dive-bomber noises.
I sighed. She looked confused and afraid and sad. "What I meant is that if you cannot tell me or if you feel uncomfortable telling me, I'm- I'm ok with that." Was I? This whole conversation was going to hell and I felt...uncomfortable myself discussing 'it.' "Talk to Dr. Andrews, OK?" ending the speech quickly.
I guess there are reasons I keep my mouth shut. I rested my elbow on the table and leaned my head into my hand. God, I hope she understood me. I should really stick to what I'm good at, like killing people, guarding others, mobile suite piloting, hacking, and- did I mention piano? Somehow I'm good at that, too.
"Ok"
I looked up at her. Her head was down but a swear I heard...
"Ok, I'll make an appointment"
I smiled (yes, I can do that too. Shut up Duo.) And held out my hand. "I'm sorry that was a little harsh. I'm not good at this." Sugar coating that is.
She looked up, a little surprised that I was smiling, I suppose. Ok, it is rare to see a smile on my face. In fact, I don't know why I smiled. No surprises, there. She grasped my outstretched hand in a handshake. Her lips were starting to move upwards.
She looked at me. "That's ok, Heero. I'm not good at it either."
I was starting to realize that, too.
"I have no plans today, so if you want, I could show you around after we eat. If you want."
She nodded, released my hand and actually started to eat the now cold macaroni and cheese.
Finally.
We walked around the Rotunda after lunch. Being an efficient tour guide, I pointed to all the places of interest, like where to shop and not get ripped off. Yes, I know that. I showed here where I worked.
She didn't ask a lot of questions. However, she showed an interest in just about everything I said. We ate dinner at the "Waterloo" where Dave is the head chief, at least at the moment. Until he pisses someone off or someone pisses him off.
Dave came out and sat with us. Dinner was spent with Dave shamelessly flirting with the both of us. Normally I don't tolerate his crap, but Relena found it mildly amusing so I kept my tongue under control. Hell, he was in such a good mood, he brought a ham bone out for Zero, who accompanied us on our explorations and now was happily panting at out feet.
It was a good day.
The next several flew by in much the same way. Relena and I communicated every morning over breakfast. We didn't 'talk' but it was better than her doll face. She took full advantage of the fact she had the freedom to move around without bodyguards. And She was getting more confidant moving around without me limping beside her.
Over dinner she would tell me were she went and the people she met. Chris even took her on one of the subs during a maintenance dive. She ran into the Grahams and lunch with them. She always came back with something, usually for Zero. Yeah, he got spoiled. But I got a hand made coffee mug she bought. The caption read "...Well I AM good looking and I can still kick your ass."
I did mention bohemian, right? Just checking.
I went to my doctors' (both mental and physical therapists) One read my damn novel I seem to be writing and asked me how I felt having her here with me. And if I had any aggressive urges towards Zechs. hn. I told him and bolted. I hate going there. The other doctor was all together much better, despite the torture. After playing with my leg and getting zapped with more radiation, he pronounced that I have graduated to a knee brace. No active patrol, yet still...
I love my healing speed.
Relena also went to the doctor. She said nothing to me, but I knew. When she returned, she looked pensive, like she had a major decision to make. Perhaps she did.
They gave me a desk job. I hate desk jobs. I was hoping when I returned to work that could go out on patrol. But, no, I was monitoring the cameras. Infinitely dull, but it allowed me to start preparations to sail to the South Pacific Consortium.
Relena was surprised when I told her. I said that I wasn't stupid. Doing patrol in the Mid Atlantic in winter means; 1) I would have to wear thermal scuba gear and 2) Ice berg patrol. Both don't appeal to me.
Actually I would have been gone by now. I am only staying this far into August for Relena. I am giving her a chance to change her mind. I did ask her if would like to leave or stay here. I would have stayed, for her, but I really didn't really want to. She said that I should not alter my plans in account for her being here.
hn.
That's another statement I'm not going to touch.
So, I watched my bank of monitors, while calculating dog food, human food for two, fuel rod for the generator, toll fees for the Panama Canal, docking fees for several ports along the way, and anything else I could think of into my budget.
The Perfect Soldier is doing a budget. I see the humor in it. I'm glad I did it at work. I don't think I could handle Relena's comments on it.
I also called to make sure that South Pacific had a job waiting for me there. The nice thing is that security for the Seaweed Nations is the same everywhere. It also helps that you are so good at your job, that they are willing to take you in even when they are fully staffed. That's with a pay raise.
I'm not bragging, really.
Fine don't believe me.
Shut up, Duo.
So three weeks passed since our arrival. No exiting events. Relena and my conversations were still limited to how our respective days went. We didn't watch or listen to the news. We loaded supplies for the voyage. We talked about the trip.
Honestly, very boring.
I was hoping for a little stimulating conversation. An argument. When I was her bodyguard, she and I had extreme arguments. On extreme topics (though the topic of choice was aspects of her security), extreme intelligent arguments, and extreme sound. Everyone in the mansion knew we were fighting. I relished it. She was challenge to overcome, to beat. Like a mobile suit battle, I suppose. Now I would be happy if would disagree over dinner menu selections.
Something's going to break-soon.
Probably me.
As it turns out, she folded first. And not it the way I thought she would. As my shrink constantly reminds me, we can't go backwards, only forwards.
Damn, I'm gonna miss those fights.
We were eating dinner. Relena was quieter than usual, not looking at me.
"I saw the doctor," she said, pushing an asparagus spear across her plate.
"hn."
'I talked to her and she agreed that I should talk to you first." She looked up at me, a sadness covering her face. "But I don't know how."
I stared at her. Frankly I'm surprised she listened to me. I was used to her counter-manning every other order or suggestion I gave. I put down my silverware. "Come with me" I said.
She nodded and took my outstretched hand. I brought he outside and helped her clamber up on top of the pilothouse. There, due to the angle of the docks and where I was moored, there was a clear and unrestricted view of the western sky.
I've found out that I like to watch the sunset. Well, I thought it was weird, too.
Zero soon joined us, though I could never figure out how the dog got up here. I led her to the aft edge, sat down, pulling her down to sit next to me. I still held her hand, our shoes swinging against the windows on the deck below. We watch the sun sink lower on the horizon.
I coughed, a little nervous and so very unsure. "It is easier to think up here. You don't have to look at anything but the sky. When I'm...confused, I sit up here and it at least helps me to clear my thoughts. Sometimes I get answers. A lot of times I have questions. But mostly it calms me."
Yeah, I said that. I'm starting to amaze myself.
Relena's quiet, but strong voice broke across the balmy sea and the darkening sky. "I finished my speech. It felt strange not seeing you. I had always felt...guilty about firing you."
I squeezed her hand. "I'm not upset about that anymore."
"Thanks." She squeezed my hand back. "Anyways, I checked in with my secretary and the security detail over the next day's schedule. Then I went to bed." She paused, and then continued. "When I got to my room, I locked the door and got undressed to take a shower." Out of the corner of my eye, I could see a faint blush on her cheeks. "I of course, took off all my jewelry-including the 'special' ones."
She glanced at me and smiled. "Yes, I listened to you for once and wore the 'panic button' bracelet." She looked back at the sky.
Wow. She listened to me.
"He...he was waiting in the bathroom with a gun and a knife..." I could see that she closed her eyes. There were tears forming in the corners. Unsure what to do, I released her hand and then wrapped my arm around her shoulder.
I guess that was the right thing to do. She shuddered against me her arms snaked around my waist. But she still continued. "He forced me to take a shower making me...touch myself. Then he tied me up and...and..." She started to sob, drenching my tee shirt with her tears.
I had read the police report, of course, and even heard Relena's recorded voice statement. She sounded so clinical, so detached. I'm clinical, I'm detached. Relena is emotional. This was much better.
I think.
I thought she was finished but amazingly she to talk between her tears. "It hurt, Heero, It hurt so much. He would hit me if I ...reacted and called me a whore and if I didn't make a sound he hit me again and called me an unfeeling bitch."
Bastard-he's going to die.
"And the worst thing was..." She practically chocking on her tears. I wanted to tell her to stop, that she didn't have to say anymore, but morbid fascination and the fact if I knew exactly what he did, I could dream up more exotic and slower ways for him to die.
I already decided that his balls and dick should be removed, slowly and mounted and given to Relena. But I'm sure she's not the type to appreciate that.
But I would enjoy doing that.
I squeezed her shoulders. I suddenly realized that she needed to finish. For her. Zero knew this too because he was making whining noises and licking her cheek.
She hiccupped and sat up, my arm falling from her. I suddenly felt cold. She whirled, startling Zero and me. She looked right at me. "He didn't...didn't even ...ejaculated in me...he said I wasn't worthy of his seed..."
Fucker. I'm going to let him live years under constant torture...
She looked at me like she wanted me to say something. Hell, what was I going to say? Sighing, I broke from her gaze. It's hard to think looking in her eyes. I took her hand.
"Relena, I'm sorry I wasn't there. I wish I could make it all better but I can't. All I can do is to say that you are a far better person than he was," hell, I didn't know what I was saying; I was making it up as I go. "I think you needed to be reminded of that. Someone who's a harsher critic than your brother, your co-workers, and even yourself.' I turned to look at her. "You are a good person. You are kind, generous, brave, and selfless. You did not deserve what happened to you."
What the hell was that, Heero? The mini Duo reared his ugly head again. But I had to agree, what in the hell was that gibberish?
Good gibberish, apparently, because Relena smiled through her sobs and hugged me. Startled, I hugged her back, abet, not as fiercely as she did. She was crying and mumbling my name. I didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing.
After a few minutes, she released me from her death grip and gave me a smile. Not a fake one or one of those politician smiles. It was one of those types that should be registered as a lethal weapon, for it had the same effect on me as my buster rifle would.
Now I was very confused and unsure what to do. The voice in my head was silent the one time I didn't want it to be. I sighed and took her hand, again. I could do that. She chuckled and threaded her fingers through mine. She turned to watch the sunset.
Ok--could somebody explain this?
But she was smiling and she was talking to me- both good things.
So as I turned towards the western sky, I concluded that this was a good day.
END OF CHAPTER
R&R pleez!!!!