Hey! Feedback on the story thus far is welcomed! I think I'll make this
one of those 70 chapter-no ending-irritating as hell-but enjoyable stories...
those are my favorites.
"He left me to die." Kurama whispered as he finished recounting his tale to a wide-eyed and engrossed Yanagi.
"Does that make him the worse person?" Yanagi finally asked.
"What do you mean? I was injured, nearly dying, and I went out to seek him. He was selfish, hiding from me when he knew I was weak and couldn't find him. He ravaged my heart and took what little love I even had and mangled it into hate."
Yanagi shook her head again. "I don't think you understand. Have you ever thought why he left so suddenly? Perhaps he believed that leaving you there was for the better, that if he stayed, he would only hurt you more."
Kurama lay there thinking and came up with no conclusion. His insular mind couldn't possibly imagine the cold sardonic Hiei having any thoughts like that. Somehow, he couldn't see beyond the Hiei on the outside.
"No, my friend was definitely not the type to be considerate about others. He acted for himself, and luckily, most of the time it was favorable towards me as well." Kurama sighed.
"How can you simply think that way?" Yanagi cried in shock. "Shuuichi, I believed that you were caring and understanding of everyone, but you didn't even understand your best friend. He left for his reasons and you misinterpreted them."
"So what? He's gone Yanagi. He's never going to come back. He called me weak for staying here; in this place he despised most. He would never consider me his equal again."
"I thought we progressed past this point. I thought you told me you had the strength to move on with your life."
"What else is there to live for?"
"Your family, your friends, any other loved ones you had."
"Tsk." Kurama snorted acrimoniously. "What loved ones? He took my heart, the whole thing; I dedicated all of it to healing his hurt. I got nothing back. I never spent any of my precious love on anyone else, there wasn't enough."
"Your family? Shiori?"
"I care about them because, well, because I feel that it's my duty to protect them. That's all, I feel unconditional, almost forced love. That's different from the true love in my heart, that's now all gone."
"Shuuichi, you can't possibly be so desolate. I'm sure a young handsome man like yourself had some friends."
Kurama's thoughts flew back to Yusuke, Kuwabara, and the rest of the gang. He shook his head slightly, as if to shake all those remembrances out of his mind. "They're all gone. They all went their own ways, leaving me here. Even though staying here was partially my choice, I feel left out and alone."
"There's always love in someone's heart. You can't use that as an excuse."
"Then where did it all go? I was always somewhat composed and calm, never letting my true feelings or tension show on my face. Yet I've never been like this. Now I'm just bitter and hurt in ways that I don't even know about."
Suddenly Yanagi whispered, "Do you love me Shuuichi?"
Kurama stared back, his face a mixture of surprise and dismay.
"Please tell me honestly."
Kurama closed his eyes and his lips parted into a gentle smile. "Of course I love you Yanagi. You're so sweet and kind to me." As soon as those words left his mouth he cursed himself in his mind. He hated how he put false hope and happiness into another being.
Placing her hand on his, Yanagi muttered, "Then you do have love enough. Being hurt is only part of the process of love. Would you ever gather the shreds of your heart and forgive him?"
"Never." Kurama refused to talk about Hiei. "He thinks I'm selfish to not consider his feelings and stay with my family here instead of being with him. It's him who's insensitive! I have a family here that I have to protect and love and care for. And he has..."
"No one." Yanagi looked up. "Am I right? Aren't you the only one he ever cared for?"
Mukuro. Her name flashed into his mind. Hiei always was fond of her. "No, he has someone else where he is. She was the one that inflicted this wound upon me."
"Did he love her more?"
"Presumably, since he is with her right now."
"Shuuichi, are you sure? I have a feeling your friend might be suffering guilt and the same loneliness you are. Why would he choose you in the first place if he didn't like you?"
"So he didn't have to fight me."
"Who are you?" Yanagi seemed puzzled, yet a little too interested and calm.
Kurama didn't notice any of the unusual airs around Yanagi and laughed. He coughed lightly and responded, "I'm not anyone anymore, but I once was one of the most powerful demons." He sighed. "Now I've chosen to become a human and live with my family."
"You've abandoned your previous life? It seems so."
"I don't forsake anything in life."
"But you are the one that left your friend, not the other way around. You chose to live here."
"I had no choice!" Kurama shouted, the raggedness of his strained and tired voice showing through. "Stop making me feel like I'm the one that should be guilty and at fault! He was the one that left me! He could have lived here fine, I survive, and I'm strong enough to cope. Why can't he? He was the weak one, who had to have his way and live in his perfect little world away from the silly humans that he despised." He took a deep breath and his chest heaved in and out.
"Why do you always run away? I'm not saying either of you is totally responsible. Perhaps both of you were just too stubborn to compromise and both made the wrong decisions. Why can't you start over?"
"He's gone. He never wants to come back." Kurama shook his head. "I admitted I was also the weak one, relying on someone like that so dependently. Now without him, I can't even function."
"It's your injuries..." Yanagi started.
"Tsk. I'm starting to even sound like him, bitter and cynical. I was never like this before."
"Maybe you're going through what he went through. It's this loneliness and confining hospital atmosphere that makes you feel this way. I'm sure if you took a day out when you feel a little stronger you'll feel much better."
"Tsk." Kurama grumbled. "I've been in here how long? How many months? I have barely healed physically on the outside. The internal and mental damage would take much longer."
"Aw come on, be more optimistic." Yanagi glanced at the clock. "Oh I have to go Shuuichi, see you tomorrow." As she politely hugged him and opened the door, she added, "And you better have thought this over and have a brighter outlook tomorrow. Life could be worse. Be more understanding. I believe that's the center of all your problems. Bye!"
Dropping his head on his pillow, Kurama listened to the patter of her feet running down the stairs. All was silent again and he lay there, quiet and alone, the only sound in the room was of his IV dripping slowly. Each droplet of chemicals entered the tube with a tiny splash, methodically and endlessly. He gritted his teeth, annoyed at the stupid sound and ripped it out of his arm. He switched on the TV for some sound in the impersonal room. A comedy flipped on, the laughter of the audience shrill and penetrating. He quickly flipped to another channel, the happiness drilling through his mind. A romantic movie was on, a beautiful couple strolling along a sunset beach, perfect, complete with sappy music. Irritated again, he shut the stupid thing off altogether.
"Why am I so stressed out and aggravated at the littlest things? Is it because I'm still in this moronic place, trying to heal from a silly scratch? My body isn't cooperating!" He gnashed his teeth together and yelled to himself. "Maybe I am going insane from being so cooped up. Perhaps I do need to get out with some young people around here, make new friends and start a new life. I'm young, merely 18, I can start anew and forget my past, hide it from everyone else. No one would notice. Look at me, I'm talking to myself. Maybe I do need a day off. . ."
* Poor Kurama! Next episode he gets his wish- a day off with Yanagi. His feelings start to blossom for the strange girl, and he discovers some things about her past. A Weeping Willow.
"He left me to die." Kurama whispered as he finished recounting his tale to a wide-eyed and engrossed Yanagi.
"Does that make him the worse person?" Yanagi finally asked.
"What do you mean? I was injured, nearly dying, and I went out to seek him. He was selfish, hiding from me when he knew I was weak and couldn't find him. He ravaged my heart and took what little love I even had and mangled it into hate."
Yanagi shook her head again. "I don't think you understand. Have you ever thought why he left so suddenly? Perhaps he believed that leaving you there was for the better, that if he stayed, he would only hurt you more."
Kurama lay there thinking and came up with no conclusion. His insular mind couldn't possibly imagine the cold sardonic Hiei having any thoughts like that. Somehow, he couldn't see beyond the Hiei on the outside.
"No, my friend was definitely not the type to be considerate about others. He acted for himself, and luckily, most of the time it was favorable towards me as well." Kurama sighed.
"How can you simply think that way?" Yanagi cried in shock. "Shuuichi, I believed that you were caring and understanding of everyone, but you didn't even understand your best friend. He left for his reasons and you misinterpreted them."
"So what? He's gone Yanagi. He's never going to come back. He called me weak for staying here; in this place he despised most. He would never consider me his equal again."
"I thought we progressed past this point. I thought you told me you had the strength to move on with your life."
"What else is there to live for?"
"Your family, your friends, any other loved ones you had."
"Tsk." Kurama snorted acrimoniously. "What loved ones? He took my heart, the whole thing; I dedicated all of it to healing his hurt. I got nothing back. I never spent any of my precious love on anyone else, there wasn't enough."
"Your family? Shiori?"
"I care about them because, well, because I feel that it's my duty to protect them. That's all, I feel unconditional, almost forced love. That's different from the true love in my heart, that's now all gone."
"Shuuichi, you can't possibly be so desolate. I'm sure a young handsome man like yourself had some friends."
Kurama's thoughts flew back to Yusuke, Kuwabara, and the rest of the gang. He shook his head slightly, as if to shake all those remembrances out of his mind. "They're all gone. They all went their own ways, leaving me here. Even though staying here was partially my choice, I feel left out and alone."
"There's always love in someone's heart. You can't use that as an excuse."
"Then where did it all go? I was always somewhat composed and calm, never letting my true feelings or tension show on my face. Yet I've never been like this. Now I'm just bitter and hurt in ways that I don't even know about."
Suddenly Yanagi whispered, "Do you love me Shuuichi?"
Kurama stared back, his face a mixture of surprise and dismay.
"Please tell me honestly."
Kurama closed his eyes and his lips parted into a gentle smile. "Of course I love you Yanagi. You're so sweet and kind to me." As soon as those words left his mouth he cursed himself in his mind. He hated how he put false hope and happiness into another being.
Placing her hand on his, Yanagi muttered, "Then you do have love enough. Being hurt is only part of the process of love. Would you ever gather the shreds of your heart and forgive him?"
"Never." Kurama refused to talk about Hiei. "He thinks I'm selfish to not consider his feelings and stay with my family here instead of being with him. It's him who's insensitive! I have a family here that I have to protect and love and care for. And he has..."
"No one." Yanagi looked up. "Am I right? Aren't you the only one he ever cared for?"
Mukuro. Her name flashed into his mind. Hiei always was fond of her. "No, he has someone else where he is. She was the one that inflicted this wound upon me."
"Did he love her more?"
"Presumably, since he is with her right now."
"Shuuichi, are you sure? I have a feeling your friend might be suffering guilt and the same loneliness you are. Why would he choose you in the first place if he didn't like you?"
"So he didn't have to fight me."
"Who are you?" Yanagi seemed puzzled, yet a little too interested and calm.
Kurama didn't notice any of the unusual airs around Yanagi and laughed. He coughed lightly and responded, "I'm not anyone anymore, but I once was one of the most powerful demons." He sighed. "Now I've chosen to become a human and live with my family."
"You've abandoned your previous life? It seems so."
"I don't forsake anything in life."
"But you are the one that left your friend, not the other way around. You chose to live here."
"I had no choice!" Kurama shouted, the raggedness of his strained and tired voice showing through. "Stop making me feel like I'm the one that should be guilty and at fault! He was the one that left me! He could have lived here fine, I survive, and I'm strong enough to cope. Why can't he? He was the weak one, who had to have his way and live in his perfect little world away from the silly humans that he despised." He took a deep breath and his chest heaved in and out.
"Why do you always run away? I'm not saying either of you is totally responsible. Perhaps both of you were just too stubborn to compromise and both made the wrong decisions. Why can't you start over?"
"He's gone. He never wants to come back." Kurama shook his head. "I admitted I was also the weak one, relying on someone like that so dependently. Now without him, I can't even function."
"It's your injuries..." Yanagi started.
"Tsk. I'm starting to even sound like him, bitter and cynical. I was never like this before."
"Maybe you're going through what he went through. It's this loneliness and confining hospital atmosphere that makes you feel this way. I'm sure if you took a day out when you feel a little stronger you'll feel much better."
"Tsk." Kurama grumbled. "I've been in here how long? How many months? I have barely healed physically on the outside. The internal and mental damage would take much longer."
"Aw come on, be more optimistic." Yanagi glanced at the clock. "Oh I have to go Shuuichi, see you tomorrow." As she politely hugged him and opened the door, she added, "And you better have thought this over and have a brighter outlook tomorrow. Life could be worse. Be more understanding. I believe that's the center of all your problems. Bye!"
Dropping his head on his pillow, Kurama listened to the patter of her feet running down the stairs. All was silent again and he lay there, quiet and alone, the only sound in the room was of his IV dripping slowly. Each droplet of chemicals entered the tube with a tiny splash, methodically and endlessly. He gritted his teeth, annoyed at the stupid sound and ripped it out of his arm. He switched on the TV for some sound in the impersonal room. A comedy flipped on, the laughter of the audience shrill and penetrating. He quickly flipped to another channel, the happiness drilling through his mind. A romantic movie was on, a beautiful couple strolling along a sunset beach, perfect, complete with sappy music. Irritated again, he shut the stupid thing off altogether.
"Why am I so stressed out and aggravated at the littlest things? Is it because I'm still in this moronic place, trying to heal from a silly scratch? My body isn't cooperating!" He gnashed his teeth together and yelled to himself. "Maybe I am going insane from being so cooped up. Perhaps I do need to get out with some young people around here, make new friends and start a new life. I'm young, merely 18, I can start anew and forget my past, hide it from everyone else. No one would notice. Look at me, I'm talking to myself. Maybe I do need a day off. . ."
* Poor Kurama! Next episode he gets his wish- a day off with Yanagi. His feelings start to blossom for the strange girl, and he discovers some things about her past. A Weeping Willow.