Finally, the anticipated return of Hiei...

One lovely sunny day, when Kurama, like all the gorgeous days before, lay in his hospital bed and sighed, something arrived for him. Unlike the usual excessive vase of flamboyant flowers, or the polite "get well" card from random people, this package broke the monotonous cycle of his hospital day. It bothered him slightly, like many little things those days. Weeks ago, he might have actually sat up in excitement and tore the bulky envelope open, but not anymore. He stared, perplexed at the crudely closed envelope in his hands, the address written crookedly and the stamp not even in its corner. There was no return address.

For a second he let his mind off his own self-pity and loathing to wonder, just a tiny inkling of curiosity, who the letter was from. Cautiously opening it, he closed his eyes, expecting the worst, but found rather neatly folded papers inside and something else, heavy in the corner of the envelope. He didn't why, but his heart raced, and something deep in the depths of his troubled mind clicked. Although there was no name or sign anywhere, he knew who it was from. The large, childish handwriting read:

i "Baka Kitsune!" /i

Kurama found himself unconsciously smiling. What a greeting.

i "For the second time in my life, I cried.

I swear, someday I'll get you and your damned roses for this." /i

The envelope sat heavily in Kurama's lap. The object in the corner found its way in Kurama's palm and he examined the solidified black tear. Pretty big.

i "I hate you Kurama." /i

Kurama's head jerked up, and he realized that he had been sitting upright. Did he really mean that?

i "You had to be there in Ningenkai, always drawing my attention there,

Distracting me. I despise you for making me feel this way. I feel weak.

Vulnerable. That I couldn't even control my own emotions. . .

Yet, somehow, I really can't describe it, but I sort of miss you?

Only a little. I need you by my side. . . but only to make sure you won't

Kill me in secret. You're my opponent! At least I thought so.

Yet in truth, I somehow can't really function without you." /i

Kurama wiped his own tears from his eyes. Hiei! He had lost that arrogant masculinity and stubbornness to admit his true feelings!

i "What am I saying? I sound more like you everyday, damn Kitsune.

I need to forget you. We've been through this already. There's no need for us anymore.

We're all fine and safe. You are Kurama, I am, well me. We're both different.

We chose different paths to go in life. I can't take a detour and be with you.

Our paths never cross again. I refuse to spend my existence like a foolish ningen,

Allowing my emotions to change the way I am, allowing others to affect my life.

I don't need you anymore." /i

Thoughts rushed in Kurama's head. Hiei's wavering and confusing letter left Kurama worried. What is he thinking? I don't understand anything anymore. Have I really been so out of reality?

i "I know you're wondering what I'm thinking, what I mean by this, how could I be this way. Of all people and demons, Kurama, you should understand me most of all.

Unless you played with my hidden feelings all this time.

Unless I was wrong about you.

You're probably loving it in Ningenkai and forgot me until this letter.

Well, it's all the better.

Knowing you probably never cared makes parting easier." /i

"How. . . how could he say I never cared? Look at me now Hiei!" Kurama crumpled the letter in his hands. "You don't understand you selfish little shrimp! How can I care, when I don't even have the hope to keep living, when I want to die, so I'll be a little bit closer to those I love, to you? I care so much, too much, that I'm forced to repress it, or else it would have overwhelmed me already." He waited until his blast of anger passed by, and smoothed out the letter and read on.

i "Perhaps it's time I loosened up a little from my cold and indifferent exterior.

Inside Kurama, I, I don't want to do this, but I'm fighting my stronger side.

I can't break free and change." /i

"Do you want to Hiei?" Kurama muttered bitterly. "Then you would have to face everything you've done to hurt people. Their suffering would devour you, their pain would become yours. Its for the best that people don't care about others, or suffering would be excessively rampant."

i "The cage around my heart has been there too long.

I'm parting with you now, you were the only person I ever remotely opened up to.

I'm leaving now, no one will ever see this side of me again.

There's so much unsaid, so much I haven't done.

It's not you I hate, but myself.

I'm weak because I tried to be strong.

You made me realize that there was someone hiding inside.

Is it too late to tell Yukina that she has a brother that loves her?

Is it too late to tell that idiot Kuwabara to take care of her?

Can I still tell Yusuke that he is a worthy opponent, but a better teammate?

I'm scared of myself. Talking to you, the only one who understood me makes me different and become the real me.

Finally, is it too late to day I'm sorry?

I'm sorry Kurama.

I'm sorry that I'm not as tough as I try to be;

That I can't even face up and fight myself;

That I have to leave you to save myself." /i

"Hiei, I forgive you, now and always!" Kurama touched the dried black spot on the paper, presumable where another dreaded tear hit.

i "Go have fun Kurama, forget me, it's for your own good.

Go live your life out and maybe just once you can recall someone in your life,

Someone that recognized your greatness and called you his equal.

I tried to write something beautiful and heartfelt to you.

This letter is rubbish.

I tried to write. . . (this is embarrassing) poetry.

I tried to write you something that was as strong

As beautiful and elegant as you are.

Perhaps I succeeded, perhaps I failed miserably.

But I tried to undo the evils of the past.

At least we can leave each other with clean slates,

The hate, the anger and pain of yesterday forgotten in the sunrise of tomorrow.

Maybe someday, I'll watch over you and see you again.

Someday, I'll have the strength. . . " /i

"I'll have the strength to live." Kurama finished. "In your letter, you found yourself. Even though you can't be yourself, you found it. I haven't yet discovered my place in this world. Everything inside of me is jumble up, and I'm confused. I lost the heart to live, but now I've found it again."

Kurama folded up the letter neatly and placed it by his chest, feeling his heart beat rapidly. "I have now found what I once lost." He opened his eyes, a new sparkle in them. "I feel the yokai blood flowing stronger and faster through me; I feel alive once again."

Hi! It's been a while. Next chapter is my fave, all poetry!!! It's Hiei's poems! (which are pretty good, cuz I wrote them. . .) Pain of my Love.