Hold On
I am weary this night, the kind of bone weary tiredness that comes from within. The last year has been hard racing from one confrontation to another, never really resting in between.
Tonight should be and is a night for great celebrations. I am sure that Gandalf even has some of his trusted fireworks as celebration, not that they could match the beauty of seeing Mount Doom collapse after the One Ring was destroyed
I do not think any one of us will forget the destructive beauty. It was combined with the fear that we had lost two of out number. That thankfully was a wrong assumption and Sam and Frodo are resting comfortably here in Gondor.
I shake myself, tonight is for rejoicing not reminiscing, a time to enjoy with friends and family.
So here I am surrounded with my friends and those I choose to be called family. It is a great party, drink and merriment flowing and I turn to joke with Legolas to find he is not there.
Puzzled I look around the chamber trying to spy a familiar blond head, but he is not here.
I spot Gimli joking with Faramir and Eowyn and I make my way over to them. They all look up smiling as I join them and I feel guilty that I am about to ruin their mood.
"Have you seen Legolas?" They all look around as if they expect him to jump out of the wood work and usually they would be right that is the kind of thing my Fea friend would do. Normally. But this is not normally.
Their reaction does tell me they are as in the dark about the Elf's where a bout's as I am. I turn to leave but I am stopped by Gandalf offering his congratulations on a job he thinks is well done.
Even know I have doubts about that. I have been worrying about Legolas for some time, since we left the Path of the Dead in fact. He has not spoken about it, but I can tell some thing is wrong, very wrong.
For perhaps the hundredth time I wish that Legolas would talk with me about what worries him. Being the only child in a realm under threat he grew up with only his father to talk to, and as much as I like and respect Thranduil, he is not the easiest person to talk to. I know he loves his only child dotes on him in fact, but I know Legolas feels that he can not talk to him about his fears.
Growing up in a family situation like that makes a person or Elf insular. In Legolas, a normally warm and welcoming Elf it made him hide from showing others that there may have been a problem and as I stand here with Mithrandir I am sure there is a problem.
When the day is long
And the night, the night is yours alone
When you're sure you've had enough of this life
Hang on
Don't let yourself go
'Cause everybody cries
Everybody hurts sometimes
Sometimes everybody's wrong
I try to think back to when this started, when Legolas began to pull away from us, from me. I know he has not been sleeping; it is easy to look for if you know the signs. My friend may think his face is impassive, but I have known him since childhood and he can hide nothing from me.
I feel oddly guilty that I have taken this long to realise that Legolas is hurting. If it had been the other way around, and I admit it has happened, Legolas would have found out what was wrong and begun to put things right.
It all leads to one thing. I need to find him. And knowing my friend it would not be in here with the smoke and ale fumes. No, if I know Legolas, and I do it, will be out under the stars that he finds solace.
With a smile and soft parting word to Gandalf I move through the clouds to the door.
It is a cold night and as I look up to the sky I can see that there are no stars to be seen as the cloud cover is almost total and the moon has no chance of looking through them.
I was right in my assumption. Legolas is standing on the battlement wall looking out over Gondor. I stand for a while just looking at him, trying to see if there is anything different that I can discern from his back.
He is thinner I think, not that he was fat to begin with; oh no, Legolas has always been on the thin side.
Then it hits me, hits me harder than being crushed by a Mumakil, Galadriel's warning.
Legolas Greenleaf long under tree
In joy thou hast lived. Beware of the sea
If thou hearest the cry of the Gull on the shore
Thy heart shall rest in the forest no more
Could it be? Is that what this is? My heart sinks further as I think back on the journey on the Easterling's boat. That was when this began, that was when the change came over my beloved friend.
How could I have been so selfish? I know we all thought that Galadriel was foretelling his death, and in a way I guess she was; just not in the way I would have considered.
I can not stop my shivering as I try to imagine Middle Earth without my friend. I can not bear it. How he must be hurting and suffering alone. I can not let him do this alone.
If you think you've had too much of this life
Hang on
'Cause everybody hurts
Take comfort in a friend
Everybody hurts sometimes.
Taking a deep breath I move from the door way to stand next to him. I know he has heard me, damn his Elven hearing. Just once I would like to catch him unawares. He turns to face me and I frown. He smiles, but it is a poor excuse of one and very wan. My frown deepens and I have to break this uncomfortable silence.
"Are you alright, Legolas?"
"Yes, Aragorn I just needed some quiet and respite from your foul smoke." I smile at his attempt at a joke. He hates the smell of our pipes and well I know it, many a time I have found either my pipe or weed missing.
I try a joke myself. "You have been out here for some time, I was getting concerned. Gimli asked me to ask if you would like to join him in a drinking game. I think he wants to get his revenge on you."
I am rewarded with the first genuine laughter I have heard from him in a while. It warms my heart, as always.
I will never forget that night, ever. Gimli pressing Legolas into a drink game with some of the riders of Rohan. To my surprise even Eomer was involved. Needless to say the outcome was a foregone conclusion. Legolas drank the rest under the table. I never did get around to telling Gimli of the number of times I snuck with my friend into his father's wine cellar and gorged our selves on his best Dorwinion wine.
My smile fades as I realise we may never have that time again, that Legolas will sail to the Grey Havens and I will never see him again.
"The night is veiled." I could have kicked myself at offering such a stupid comment.
"Yes, it should be clear and not dull as this. The heavens should be celebrating." Legolas answers not taking his eyes off of the sky above us.
The sky should be celebrating? All should be celebrating most of all you my friend who has battled the darkness for the greater part of your life and lost so much in the process.
"Are you going to join us?" I am staring openly know, he has to know I am here for him whenever he needs me, no matter what.
"In a while." He will not look at me, not even a tiny glance.
"Legolas, I am here for you when your longing gets too much for you." My smile is wide and sincere as he turns to me mouth open in shock. It is a rare sight to see, the Crown Prince of Mirkwood caught by surprise.
Then he speaks, quietly and with all his heart. "Hannon lle, Mellon-nin."
If your on your own in this life
If the days and night are long
If you think you've had too much of this life
Hold on
If you feel like letting go
If you think you've had too much of this life
Hold on
No, no, no you're not alone
I move away and have to smile because standing in the door way is everyone of our friend's with Gimli in the front. I am blessed to have friends like these. As I move away the moon shines, albeit weakly. I feel happier now, Legolas knows he can turn to us and even far away from his own people he is loved.
I clap my hand on Gimli's shoulder and he smiles at me a question in his eyes. I will talk with him later; he has a right to know what is going on. But for know I need to be with my friends.
I hear a soft voice begin to sing and I smile even more. Legolas is going to be alright, I know that now.
I have just picked up my mug of ale when he joins us and before I know it I am being roped into yet another drinking game. I know I will regret this in the morning, but for know I am content. All is well in my world. I have my best friends with me.
The End?
Barbara Kennedy: I'm sorry I made you cry but I'm glad you thought it was beautiful.
Deana: Thank you and I don't know how that one slipped by me.
LishaChan: Thank you.
Kaye Thorn. Thank you for your reviewing, I am new to this and I'm afraid like all who are learning, I am prone to making some mistakes, so thank you. What you said has helped me.
I hope you all like this. The next is from Gimli.
Shell