A.N.: Thanks for the lovely reviews on the last two chapters!
As always, read, enjoy, and review.
"Welcome back at Hogwarts," Snape's smooth voice filled the room, bringing the chatter in the Great Hall to an abrupt end. He had the Hall's full attention – which did not bode well and gave Astoria a strange sense of déjà vu. "Over the holidays, there have been a few changes to staff. As you might have read in the Daily Prophet, some of our teachers have been aiding the fugitives Albus Dumbledore and Nymphadora Tonks, and thus are now also on the run." Astoria had read that. And even without doing so, none of the teachers had returned after Christmas, which had been rather telling. Even Snape and the Carrows had not been there for two days, leaving the school in the hands of Filch, Hagrid, and Madame Pomfrey. When he and the Carrows had returned, they had looked even paler than they usually did, from which Astoria deduced that neither side had won much on Christmas Day.
"Professor Mulciber will be teaching Transfiguration and will be the Head of House of Gryffindor. Professor Avery will be teaching Herbology and taking over the duties of Head of House of Hufflepuff. Professor Umbridge will be teaching Charms and will oversee Ravenclaw. And I will, for the remainder of the year, teach Potions again, and take up the mantle of responsibility regarding Slytherin." A few unenthusiastic claps echoed through the Hall. "You may eat now."
The world started spinning and Astoria had to close her eyes to fight the vertigo. Breathe in – breathe out – breathe in – breathe out. But it did not help – they were surrounded. No subject was safe anymore. No area of the castle. No hour of the day. Death Eaters were at every corner. Things were hopeless.
A soft hand closed around hers and she opened her eyes again. Luna was holding her hand, but her expression was no less anxious than her own probably was. "We are doomed," she mouthed, at which Luna just squeezed her hand.
Dinner afterward was a quiet affair. No one talked much, scared of being overheard. For once, even the thought of returning to their dorms offered no relief.
Astoria's eyes scanned the room for her friends. First, her eyes caught Theo and Daphne, who were quietly but animatedly talking to each other. When they noticed her, Daphne used her hands to gesture ROR, at which Astoria nodded. Room of Requirement. Her eyes wandered down Slytherin table and landed on Draco, who was sitting between Pansy and Goyle. He looked even worse than he had at the beginning of the year if such a thing was even possible. Gaunt and pale. But she was glad to see him alive. When Pansy caught her staring at them, she just grinned and put her head on Draco's shoulder.
Hatred and… and envy. She hated to admit it, but she felt envious, even though Draco did not visibly react to her advances.
Astoria averted her gaze and looked at the Gryffindor table. Neville, Fred, George, Ginny - They all looked miserable.
Astoria sighed and focused her attention on the food in front of her. Objectively she knew it was delicious, but it tasted like soot in her mouth.
Dinner dragged on forever, and Astoria was glad when they were finally able to leave.
On their way out, the Slytherins were in front of them. Luna hopped forward, tapping Draco on the back. "What are you doing?" hissed Astoria, but it was too late, Draco had turned around and was now looking at them.
Draco's countenance soured. "Leave me alone."
"But Draco-" Luna started.
"No," he threw over his shoulder, already facing away from them again.
"But Draco I just wanted to say-"
He swirled around fast, his wand pointing at Luna's throat. "Leave me the hell alone!" he hissed and glared at her.
Luna gulped and nodded, only then did Draco pull his wand back.
Once he was out of earshot, Luna said, "Is it just me or does he seem a little more unhinged every time we talk to him."
Astoria groaned. Luna wasn't wrong. But why did she still want to be around him, then? "What was that even about?"
Luna shook her head. "Later."
They made their way to the Room of Requirement, where Fred, George, Ginny, Neville, Theo, and Daphne were already waiting for them.
"I never thought I'd say this," Ginny said, "but I think I'd rather be in Slytherin."
"Yeah," George agreed. "Did you see that Mulciber bloke? That's the stuff of nightmares right there."
"He went to school with my parents," Neville said, "and Snape, I guess. He was arrested and put into Azkaban after the war."
"Lovely," groaned George.
"Not all hope is lost. We got good news," Daphne said. "Tell 'em, Theo."
"We got a new recruit for our little club. Jeremy. He's a Slytherin and stayed at Hogwarts over the holidays, so we know him pretty well now. His dad's a Death Eater, but he doesn't want to be one, which is why he stayed."
"Oh, that's great," said Ginny.
"And as you've already learned through our letters I guess," Theo continued, "we now know how to protect letters from being read by anyone but the intended audience. We thought about teaching that to everyone tonight."
"Brilliant," replied Fred and George in unison.
"I also had an idea during dinner today," Neville said, "If things are too bad in our dorms, we could also just stay here."
Daphne groaned, "I hate that this is something that we'll probably have to do a lot this year."
"Lee also had a great idea," George said. "We're going to start our own radio program and call it Potterwatch."
"So, I guess not everything is terrible," laughed Ginny.
"I like your optimism," said Astoria. "And I'm glad we're all back together. Christmas was weird here – the school was almost empty. After the attack on You-Know-Who, even Snape and the Carrows were gone for a while. I'd really like to know what happened. And why Draco came back even more of a prat. Did they wipe his memories again?"
"Well," Ginny started, "they attacked You-Know-Who's lair, which happened to be Malfoy Manor. I guess that might have something to do with his mood."
"Oh," Daphne said, "so you know more than us?"
"Not much," she replied.
"Very little," said Fred. "Our dad was a part of the group attacking. It was Christmas Day, and they were a big group. But that's all we know. Our dad was attacked by a snake, half-dead when Dumbledore brought him to us."
"Oh my God," whispered Astoria.
"He pulled through but refused to tell us much. Dumbledore did not tell us much either, and those two were our only sources of information over the holidays."
"My parents didn't tell me much either," Neville said. "But honestly, we were just trying to have a normal Christmas and forget about the rest of the world for a bit."
"How was Christmas with your dad, Luna?" asked Astoria.
"Oh, I did not spend Christmas with my dad," Luna said.
"What?" Astoria said, but she wasn't the only one.
"I was at Malfoy Manor. It was a nice place. Kind of sad that it burned down."
"What?"
"Yeah. Someone set it on fire. Not normal fire, though. That fire was alive."
"Oh my God, Luna!" yelled Ginny. "Tell the story from the beginning, please."
"Alright," said Luna, shrugging her shoulders. "Death Eaters took me straight of the Hogwarts Express and I never got home for Christmas."
"How did we not notice that?" asked George.
Luna just shrugged again. "They brought me to Malfoy Manor and kept me in their cellar. Sometimes they would torture me, but I knew they wouldn't kill me. They needed me as leverage so my father would stop writing the truth."
Fred shook his head. "Why didn't you say something sooner?"
"I was unconscious for most of the battle, so there's not much I can tell you."
Astoria couldn't help it, she started to laugh. This was so typically Luna. "I am glad you are alright. How did you get out of there?"
"Draco flew into the flames, on a broom, and got me out. His dad was pretty mad about that, I think."
"He what?" asked Astoria, hope fluttering in her chest. But she forced herself to quench it.
"He woke me up. I was surrounded by flames. Everyone else was gone. He had a broom and pulled me onto it, then he flew me out of the building. I stole his wand for a little while. But I don't think that's the reason why he doesn't want to talk to me."
"Draco saved you?" Neville asked, smiling. "That means our Draco is still alive."
"I don't know," Astoria said. "He did threaten Luna with his wand today when she tried to talk to him."
"Well, his house burned down," said Theo, "and his precious Dark Lord probably wasn't happy with his followers and let them feel it. I mean, you've seen Snape and the Carrows – and they weren't even fighting. That's got to take a toll on him, mentally. And his mental state wasn't all that great to start with after the summer he's had." Theo shook his head. "Man, that guy and his holidays."
"What do you mean?" asked Ginny.
"Well, Christmas holidays third year he had to hide Sirius in his room if what Daphne has told me is true."
Daphne snickered. "Oh, it's definitely true. He's complained about it – a lot."
"What?" laughed George.
"Oh, that was way back when everyone still thought Sirius was a mass murderer," said Astoria. "We were helping Sirius out. But he was growing a bit too attached and when we all left over the Christmas holidays, he followed. You know he can turn into a dog, right? That's how Draco found him in his room. He stayed the whole time. I think at some point Draco bought him Polyjuice and they spent a nice evening together with Snape." She laughed at the memory, and the others joined her.
"Then summer hols," Theo continued, "end of third year, he gets attacked at the Quidditch World Cup. Easter holidays, fourth year – his parents disown him, which I guess they have revoked now. Can you revoke a disownment? Anyway, summer holidays, we all know what happened. Or rather, we don't really know what happened, but you get what I am saying. And now, Christmas hols, his house burns down. Who even knows where he is living right now, and with whom. I hope he at least doesn't have to live with You-Know-Who anymore."
Neville sighed. "You stopped making sense there for a bit, but I think I know what you mean. That he risked his own life to save Luna is encouraging, but he is under a lot of pressure, so we have to stay careful and not push him too hard."
The others nodded their agreement.
And so, a new year began. Classes resumed, worse than ever. Potions now ranked highest amongst students' favorite subjects and Snape amongst their favorite teachers, and that was saying a lot. Torture had become an everyday occurrence. Their little group continued to meet in secret, growing in numbers as students grew to resent the Death Eaters at their school. The Room of Requirement was now a safe haven and sanctuary for all those who needed one. Fighting within Hogwarts was still a problem, but it was starting to get better, as fewer and fewer students were willing to defend their newest teachers. Lee and the twins had truly started a radio show, informing the world about what was truly going on.
Draco grew more and more reclusive, not just with Astoria's group, but also with his own friends. Which was why Astoria was so surprised when she got a note one dinner that he wanted to talk to her, on the Astronomy tower at midnight.
But when she arrived there, it wasn't Draco she was greeted by.
"Ah, there she is, the special guest of the night," sneered Pansy. She had her wand in her hands but was not pointing it at Astoria. "I knew you'd come running to see Draco, you man-stealing, blood-betraying-"
"What do you want, Pansy?" growled Astoria. She reached for her wand when two hands grabbed her from behind. Another stole her wand straight out of her pocket.
Astoria looked behind her. Goyle had apparently been hiding in the shadows and had used this moment to catch her off-guard. And Crabbe had her wand in his hands.
"I want you to leave Draco alone," hissed Pansy. "You had your chance, and you blew it. He was doing so much better, after a summer away from you, spending it with his real friends. With his family, which you keep trying to make him turn his back on. You know, loyalty actually means something to some of us!"
"Oh really? So, Draco knows about this?" Astoria asked scathingly. "And you aren't doing this behind his back?" The venom in her voice betrayed real anger. But it could not tune out the growing sense of panic building up inside her. They had her wand. No one knew where she was. And they were sadistic sociopaths. She had to reign in her anger, or things could end really badly. "There's nothing between me and Draco, Pansy. Not anymore. If he does not want to spend time with you, it has nothing to do with me."
That had, perhaps, been the wrong thing to say, as Pansy now pointed her wand directly at Astoria. "You know," Pansy said, "one of the year 6 students has found an interesting spell in an old potions book and I've been dying to practice it on someone. Levicorpus!"
Astoria let out a piercing scream as her feet lost their connection to the ground. A second later she was dangling upside down in the air, dangerously close to the edge of the tower. "Oh my god, Pansy, please, no-"
"Shut it!" screamed Pansy, and Astoria did as she was told, too scared to disobey. Astoria's breathing had become frantic, her hope that she was going to survive the night was dwindling. She clamped her eyes shut, unwilling to look down, trying to wake up from the terrible nightmare she was trapped in. She only opened them again when she heard a new voice at the scene.
"What in Merlin's name are you doing?!"
It was Draco. She looked at him and saw his eyes moving back and forth between her and his friends. "Draco! Help me, please!"
"We're getting rid of a nasty blood-traitor," said Goyle, "thought you'd like to join us."
"Getting ri-" Draco stared at them, mouth agape, face pale, as his mind registered what they meant. "You are mental! This is bloody murder!"
"We are doing this for you. One day, you'll thank us for it."
"Thank you?" Draco asked. "Thank you? You have never killed anyone before. You've never even seen anyone die. This will haunt you forever, night and day, even if you get away with it."
"How'd you know?" spat Crabbe. "You don't even manage a proper Cruciatus!"
"How- How'd I know? Do you have any idea what went down in my home before your father burned it down?"
Crabbe took a step back, his angry visage softening.
"She's brainwashing you," said Pansy, shaking her head. "Don't you see it? She's done it before, but our Dark Lord managed to free you from it! Now she's doing it again. She's turning you against us. Against your friends. Against your family. She doesn't really care about you, Draco, she only cares about her cause! She doesn't care if what she talks you into doing is going to get you killed. Yet you came here, expecting to meet her while turning your back on us, your real friends."
"I haven't turned my back on you!"
"This is your last chance. Us or her?"
Draco's eyes went from Pansy to Astoria and back again. "Of course, I choose you guys! You are my friends! But that does not mean that you have to kill her-"
Pansy growled in frustration. "Don't you see that we are just trying to help you?! Ugh- let's go." Her wand jerked upwards as she made a mad dash towards the staircase behind Draco, Crabbe, and Goyle in tow.
Time passed slowly for Astoria. One second, she was held up by an invisible force, her eyes locked on Draco's wide-open ones; the next, she felt air pushing into her face as she was falling.
The ground was approaching… but then, her fall was stopped abruptly, and she swung against the stone wall of the tower, pain exploding in her left side. She hung in the air again; something was holding her up.
She had to orient herself, but once she was able to look up, she saw Draco leaning over the stone railing, holding on to a piece of her robe.
"Climb up!" he yelled.
She could already hear her robe ripping at the seam. Her hands shot to it instinctively, clinging to the fabric desperately.
Draco seemed awfully far away.
Her feet managed to find a hold in the cracks of the stone wall. Once she was sure her full weight was no longer solely supported by the fabric of her school uniform, she managed to climb up high enough to reach for Draco's arm.
He grabbed her roughly and pulled her over the edge.
"Thank you, Draco," Astoria said, out of breath. She looked down, checking out her body, making sure she was unharmed. She looked up at him, her heartbeat painfully fast, her senses hyper-sensitive as the adrenaline was still pumping through her veins, making her notice his erratic breathing, his dilated pupils. "You saved my life."
Draco looked at her for a second before he started to laugh bitterly. "I've doomed both of us."
"Huh?"
"They are going to tell Him. I know they are," he said, perhaps more to himself than to her.
Astoria felt confused for a second before she realized that he was probably worried that Crabbe and Goyle were going to tell their parents about this. And they would tell He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. That train of thought sent an ice-cold shiver down her body. Just thinking of Draco's friends brought back the panic she had felt just moments ago. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths to calm her racing thoughts before she spoke. "Talk to them. Tell them how you're feeling. They are incredibly loyal, maybe they'll listen to you."
"My friends just very nearly killed you. How come you still see more good in them than I do?"
Did he just admit that he found what his friends were doing wrong? That was new. Perhaps Astoria was focusing on the wrong things. How did one behave after nearly being murdered?
"They are murderous sociopaths, and I wouldn't mind them being locked up in Azkaban," she replied hotly. "But I think they really want to be your friends and are scared of losing you. They did not want to hurt you. They probably really thought they were doing you a favor. Telling their parents would hurt you, not me. I don't think they want that… And if their friendship really means something to you… then you should talk to them." And as much as she hated them, she could also relate to them. "I… I know how it feels to watch someone you know change. I know how losing them because of that feels."
Draco stayed quiet for a while. Then he said, "Are you talking about me?"
Astoria blushed. "Yeah."
Draco shook his head. "You and Longbottom, you see something in me that just isn't there. I wish I could be that person… But I'm friends with Pansy, Crabbe, and Goyle because I am like them. I bring death and destruction to those I care about whether I want to or not. I am a monster. I have longed… for years I wanted nothing more than for the Dark Lord to return. For him to punish those with different blood. And those with different views. For him to torture… torture people like you."
"Draco…" Astoria reached for his hand. It was warm and soft. When he did not move away, she continued. "You are not a monster. You were a child who believed what others have told you. You had no real idea of what any of it truly meant. But now he is back, and you can recognize that you have been wrong. Others had the same upbringing as you, and they embrace His return. But you don't."
Draco looked at her hand in his, then up into her eyes. "But not because I am such a good person. It's because I am a coward. I am a coward. I'm too scared to be a proper Death Eater, but I am also too scared to defy Him…"
"Not wanting to torture and kill others is not a sign of weakness."
"Maybe it weren't if I instead stood up to Him, to my friends, and to my family. But I just look the other way. I do nothing and hope he doesn't notice."
"You didn't when you saved Luna. And you didn't just now."
"You only needed saving because of me!" he roared. "And by saving you I've doomed my family. Don't you see? I cannot win in this. You live and… They'll tell Him what I did. And even if you're right and they don't… he can read minds! He'll know and He'll punish me…," his voice broke, but he continued, "My parents live with Him. My mother doesn't even have a wand right now... Maybe I can run away. Maybe He won't find me if I do. But then my parents will have to pay the price. He'll torture them, and kill them… and… I can't."
Astoria took a step forward and pulled him into an embrace. "It's okay," she whispered, rubbing his back. "Let it all out."
And he did. He cried and he held on to her tight. And perhaps she had started crying a little, too. And she could feel his warmth and when he lifted his head to look her in the eyes, she did not know who moved in first, but soon their lips met. Their lips met and it was so familiar and at the same time so new, comforting yet exciting. He smelt and tasted the same, but he kissed her as if he had never done so before. He pulled her in, claiming her mouth, hungry and intense.
Astoria's heart pounded in her chest as her knees got weaker. She could only focus on how soft he felt against her mouth, how addictively he invaded all her senses.
There was such raw emotion, and he was a mess and she had just nearly died…
She pulled away.
Draco looked at her, a little dazed. "Sorry," he mumbled, looking flustered once his brain had seemingly caught up with him again. "I really don't know what just happened."
Astoria smiled at him. "I think we've both been through a lot. You are under a lot of stress, and I just almost died. This doesn't have to mean anything." And as she said it, she realized how disappointment was forming in the pit of her stomach. Did she want things to mean something? She'd broken up with an undeniably good Draco for lying to her, and here she was making out with one who was on his way to becoming a Death Eater all over again. Who had basically just told her that he would not switch sides, even that he regretted saving her.
He reached for her hands, and when she did not pull away, he used his thumbs to rub small circles on them. He looked down at their joined hands before he looked up at her again. "You are telling me that this here means absolutely nothing to you?"
Astoria gulped. "I'm just trying to make this easier for you."
"So… it does mean something?"
"I am a blood traitor; you don't want to get your parents in trouble. I understand that. We have different ideologies. Our friends hate each other… You have a girlfriend, by the way."
Draco shrugged his shoulders. "I don't think she really likes me. I don't think she really knows me. She wouldn't like me if she did. But you do. You should hate me, you have every reason to, yet you still see good in me, and I don't think it is just because of a former version of myself that I don't remember. You were right when you said that the one time I actually felt something for Pansy… she was you."
Butterflies were occupying… literally all of Astoria. Still, this was wrong. She was an emotional mess, and so was he. "You are frustrating."
He smiled at her. "See, we do have something in common."
It was stupid, but Astoria laughed. She quickly sobered up, though. "This does mean something to me. I am just worried that it means a whole lot more to me than it does to you."
Draco sighed. "We've been together, haven't we?"
She hesitated. "For half a year, yes."
"Why don't I remember any of it? How could I forget… you?"
The question hit her like a ton of bricks. He was right – they'd loved each other. More than that, for Draco, they had been married, and he'd traveled back in time to see her again. They'd faced certain death together, several times. They'd loved each other, and he'd forgotten about her, and it hurt.
"I've got to go," she whispered and ran off.
Neville was on his last round through the castle. It was a really useless exercise, though. The Hufflepuff Prefect hadn't even shown up. Understandable, Neville thought. No one listened to the Prefects anymore… No one cared about house points anymore, either. Slytherin was far ahead of everyone else, and there was nothing any student could do about it. And Neville was unwilling to report anyone not following the rules to any of their professors. No matter how big the transgression, Neville wouldn't wish the wrath of the Carrows or any of the other new professors on even the worst of his enemies.
He heard steps around a corner and sped up, his wand at the ready. "Who's there?" he called, rounding the corner.
"Longbottom?"
"Draco?"
Draco had apparently been up at the Astronomy tower. For a second, Neville wondered whether he had been snogging Pansy up there. But when he looked closer at his former best friend, it looked more as if Draco had seen a ghost. "Everything alright?"
Draco crossed his arms. "Yeah," he replied defensively.
Fine, be that way, Neville thought. "It's after curfew."
Draco rolled his eyes at that. "So it is." He shifted around a little, seemingly engaged in an internal debate. Finally, he reached inside his pocket and took out his wand and held it out to Neville.
"What-?"
"It's Astoria's," Draco said. "Can you return it to her?"
"Why do you have her wand?" Neville said, reaching for the wand. Upon closer inspection, he realized that it truly was Astoria's and not Draco's.
Draco shrugged his shoulders. "Found it."
Neville found Draco's lack of responsiveness rather irritating. "Alright. If that's all, maybe you should head back to your dorm."
But Draco didn't move. Instead, he fidgeted where he was standing. "I… You said… you said that if I had questions, you would answer them."
Neville gasped for air. He had not expected that. "What do you want to know?"
"You… no, forget it-"
"Wait! Just ask. Whatever it is… I'll tell you."
Draco took a deep breath. "You… you said that the Dark Lord erased my memory. Why would he do that to me? My family is among his most loyal followers…"
"I…" That wasn't the best question to ask. It would not cast his side in a good light, but he had promised Draco answers. And pretending everything was peachy on their side would probably ring false to Draco anyway. "I didn't say it was… your Dark Lord who erased your memories."
Draco's eyes widened. "So it was one of you?!"
"I suspect so…" Neville said. "Although I also suspect that you asked them to do it."
"You're crazy," replied Draco. "Why the hell would I do that?"
Telling him that he was a time traveler was probably not a good idea, not that Draco would believe that. "You knew things. Knew things the Dark Lord wanted to know. And he wanted to torture them out of you."
Draco shook his head. "You're lying. He would have only needed to ask. I would have told him whatever I knew."
Neville regarded Draco for a moment. He knew that Draco probably wanted to believe this. But that he had saved Luna had told Neville that he did not agree with all that his precious Lord did. So perhaps, somewhere deep down, he already knew that it wasn't true. "Do you really think so?" He looked down at the second wand in his hands. "You know, you could have given this wand to a professor. Or to Filch. Are you sure you want the Dark Lord to know everything that you are doing? Everything that is going on in your head?"
Draco flinched and, perhaps it was just Neville's imagination, seemed to pale.
"Believe it or not, but you were one of us. Quite publicly so. Your parents… they threw you out. Disowned you because of it… And we were friends. And Daphne, and Theo, and Astoria, they were your friends, too. And lots of other people. And you'd learned of things because… because your family was so close to the Dark Lord." Well, that wasn't exactly a lie. "And you knew things about our side as well. Things the Dark Lord was interested in when he returned. And when he captured you… and tortured you… I wasn't there, but I believe that you asked someone on our side to erase your memories. To protect the people you cared about…" The people he now called Mudbloods and blood-traitors. The people he and his friends tortured in class. A sudden wave of sadness rolled over Neville, and he let it.
Draco said nothing for a while. Then he said, "I have to go," and disappeared, leaving Neville alone in the hall.
Astoria couldn't go back to her dorm, couldn't be around other people, so she went to the Room of Requirement instead.
It was late at night, yet the room was not empty.
"Daphne?"
"Astoria? Have you been crying?"
She threw herself onto her, sobbing.
"Hey, there, it's alright," her sister mumbled into her ear, rubbing her back while she was crying.
It seemed like eternity before she had pulled herself together enough to string together a coherent sentence. "I'm in love with Draco," she hiccupped.
"Oh, honey," Daphne gave her a sympathetic smile. "I've been wondering about that."
"He's such a mess right now. He's under so much pressure and that on top of a mind that can't make sense of the world in front of him. One moment he is cold and distant and the next he is the sweet and gentle guy I remember. And I don't know if what he's feeling is real or a remnant of his previous self. He's confused and I don't want to take advantage of that. And I had good reasons to break up with him before – now there's even more reasons. Lots of reasons. He's one of them, for crying out loud! But… but…"
"The heart doesn't always listen to the brain?" Daphne suggested.
"Something like that. Rationally I know that I should just get over him. But when he's around me… I can't."
Daphne pulled her into another hug. "Oh Tori, I wish I could tell you what to do."
"It's fine. Just talking about it helps already."
"Then I am glad to be of service whenever you need me."
Astoria smiled at her. "I'm so glad you're here. Why are you here, anyway?"
Daphne shrugged. "I couldn't sleep. It happens a lot this year. I've decided that instead of lying awake all night, I might as well do something productive and came up here to practice some spells."
Astoria looked around her sister. There were dummies on the other side of the room. Whatever spell she had been practicing, it had left its mark on them.
"But what are you doing here? Couldn't sleep either?"
Astoria blushed a little, as the make-out session with Draco came to her mind. But that had not been the reason why she was awake now. "Crabbe, Goyle, and Pansy lured me to the Astronomy tower. They wanted to teach Draco a lesson – I guess they are just worried they'll lose him all over again."
"A lesson? Tori – What did they do?" she growled.
"They – uhm, they wanted to throw me off the tower. Make Draco watch the whole thing."
Daphne just stared at her for a few long seconds. "I am going to kill them."
"Daphne!"
"No! Tori – you are super kind; I like that about you. But they tried to murder you! They deserve everything we can throw at them."
"And what is that? The school is run by Death Eaters. So is the Ministry. We can tell Snape, but what can we reasonably expect him to do about it? They are not going to put them into Azkaban. They are not going to throw them out of school. And we are not murderers. We can only talk to them and hope that they see the error of their ways. I don't say this to be kind. I say this because I literally see no other way. No matter how the war is going to end – we will have to live with them."
Daphne sighed in frustration. "I hate this. I hate all of it. How did you get out of that?"
"Draco saved me," she admitted. "And then we talked… and we kissed."
"Oh."
"Yeah," she sighed. "I don't know what to do. A relationship just isn't feasible. But whatever we are having now… it's killing me."
"I could talk to him."
"Oh Merlin, no!" said Astoria. "It's sweet of you to offer, but you'd only antagonize him, and he'd probably do the opposite of what you tell him to do anyway."
Daphne laughed. "You make some good points. Fine. I won't talk to him." She looked at her sister. "How about another hug instead?"
Astoria didn't say no to that.
Draco arrived in front of his common room more tired than he had ever felt before. He was exhausted, physically, and emotionally. But he could not imagine sleep coming any easier that night than any of the previous ones.
For one thing, he would have to sleep in the same room as his friends who had just tried to murder someone. With his friends, who enjoyed torturing others. With his friends, who lied to him whenever he asked any questions. With a boy whose father had burned down his home.
And then there was Astoria, the girl they had just almost killed. She occupied a substantial part of his mind, evoking feelings that he did not want to think about, but also couldn't not think about.
Finally, there was Neville Longbottom, who had just told him that he had changed sides, had been friends with him and his friends, that his parents had disowned him… As much as he wanted to dismiss it all, his thoughts kept circling back to it and he could not deny that it made a certain degree of sense. It would explain why his family had fallen out of favor with the Dark Lord. It would explain why all of the people who should be his enemies were so nice to him. Even at the manor… Sirius Black had simply refused to fight him. Even though it had been Draco who had disarmed Dumbledore, keeping their side from leaving the manor more victorious than they had. It would also explain why Astoria and Longbottom seemed to know him so well and always knew what to say to him.
But it still did not explain the false memories he had. Were they there to confuse the Dark Lord when he read his mind? But why give him memories of things that had clearly never happened?
He should have asked Longbottom about it. But the whole conversation had just been too much, and he was so tired already.
He entered the dark common room. He thought he was alone until he heard a silent sob. He took out his wand and cast a quick Lumos.
Someone was sitting on the sofa in front of the fireplace, and he had an idea of who it could be.
The figure looked up at him and confirmed his suspicions. It was Pansy. "Is she… is she dead?" she asked, wiping away her tears with the sleeve of her robe. "Did I," she hiccupped, "did I kill someone?"
Draco felt anger rising along with a weird sense of compassion. She had no right to be sitting here, in the dark, crying. But at the same time… he could relate. He knew how it felt to wish for someone's death in the abstract and regret it once he was faced with the reality of it. How do I know that?
"No," he replied, sitting down next to her. As much righteous anger as he felt, he couldn't risk her and Crabbe and Goyle turning on him.
She tried to wrap her arms around him, but he pushed her away.
"Are you breaking up with me?" she whimpered. "Please, Draco, I'm sorry…"
Draco felt disgust at that. Was that the only thing she worried about? "You said that you don't want to lose me. But you keep lying to me. And when I ask others for answers… you try to kill them."
She started to sob again. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry-"
"Was I friends with them?" he asked.
"They," Pansy hiccupped, "they told me not to- not to tell you-"
"I don't care what they said," he barked. "Was I friends with Longbottom and Nott and… and the Greengrass sisters?"
"Yes," she wailed. "Yes, damn it! You turned your back on us! We were always there for you but suddenly you just stopped hanging out with us and acted like you were something better! Like we were beneath you!"
So, it was true. Everything Longbottom had told him, everything Astoria had told him… it was all true.
"They turned you against us – I know they did! Against us and your family! And now they are doing it again and you don't even notice. Or you simply don't care. We are your friends… they just want to mess with you."
"Why can't I be friends with all of you?"
Pansy laughed through her tears. "They hate people like us, Draco. And they are blood-traitors, the lot of them."
That much was true. But they told Draco the truth when his so-called friends didn't. They didn't torture others. Or try to kill them. But if Draco rejected his Slytherin friends… then his family would suffer for it. So he had to stay on their good side.
Astoria had said that he should talk to them. And maybe she was right. Maybe he could not ask for honesty and not offer it in return. Not expect loyalty when they faced the Dark Lord when he wasn't loyal to them.
"I'm sorry I made you feel like I don't want to spend time with you," he said. "But sometimes I feel like I can't really talk to you. That you would turn your back on me if I did. You seem to have no issues with torturing others in class… but I do. The transgressions those students commit, blood-traitors or not,… they don't warrant torture as a punishment. But I was too scared to tell you that. Too scared you'd tell the Dark Lord, and that he would punish me for it."
"I… I don't enjoy it," she finally admitted. The tears had finally run dry. "But we have to do it, otherwise we'll be the ones they practice on in class. And… it's all for the greater good, right? My dad says that everything's going to go back to normal once we have won this war. He says that we have to be strict today so we can live in a better world tomorrow. It's… it's like training an owl, you know. First, you punish them when they misbehave and bite you… and once they have learned their lesson and no longer do so… you don't have to punish them anymore, right?"
Draco gulped. "Right."
Astoria had been right; Pansy definitely wouldn't tell anyone about his actions or what he had said to her. Unless she started thinking she could train him like a pet as well… or learned of what had happened after she had left the tower.
He'd swallow down his anger and spend more time with her, then she'd leave Astoria alone. And his parents would live.
He could sense that Pansy was about to attempt another hug, so he stood up. "I should talk to Crabbe and Goyle," he said. Spending more time with Pansy was perhaps the only thing he dreaded more than talking to those two. But they were his friends and he needed to keep them on his good side, for the safety of his family and for the safety of Astoria and her friends.
"I love you," he could hear her whisper while he was leaving. He pretended that he had not heard it.
"Abysmal," Snape commented as he peered into Neville's cauldron. "Stay after class. You have detention until you have perfected it"
Neville bit back the retort he wanted to make as he heard some of the Slytherins snicker. His Strengthening Solution had the exact "ocean in Nice" hue that the textbook they had used with Slughorn had asked for. Or he assumed it had, he had never been to France. He could talk to Draco about it – he'd told him once that his family liked to spend their summers in Venice and Neville was reasonably certain that the ocean had the same color there as it did in Nice. But the Slytherin boy had not talked to him since he had run into him last night.
He'd given Astoria her wand at breakfast but did not dare ask what had happened around so many other people. He was sure that she was going to tell him after the Defense meeting at night, though. He really hoped that it had nothing to do with his girlfriend glaring daggers at Draco's gang of cronies.
"Yes, sir," he said. Once everyone else had left the room, he asked, "Have you ever been to Nice?" The instructions Snape had written on the board, unlike those in the book, had only asked for a turquoise color.
"What?" asked Snape, sounding irritated.
"Nothing." He couldn't picture Snape at the beach, anyway. Although the man looked like he really needed a long vacation far away from this school.
"I have thought about what you have said to me at the beginning of the school year. And I have talked to Prof. Spleen. We have reached the consensus that should you, and perhaps Ms Greengrass, provide some memories, we might be able to create a potion to restore Mr Malfoy's memories."
Neville just stared at him, mouth agape, unable to fully comprehend what he had just heard. "I thought… I thought it was too dangerous. That he'd just end up in the same situation as before."
"For better or worse, things will end soon," Snape replied.
"What's that supposed to mean?" As Snape glared at him, he tagged on a "sir".
"There will be another coordinated attack at the end of March. Should it fail… I will brew the potion. It should be done before the attack. I will leave it in your hands. You will decide when it is safe to give it to Draco."
Neville pondered this. Then he nodded. "What do you need me to do?"
TBC
A.N.: Looking good with my old New Year's resolution so far. Unlike the previous chapter, this one was easy to write, and I am fairly happy with it. What do you think? Let me know in a review!