!$!$! Well... I just received about four or five flames. Now I must say that I learning to handle them, but it still hurts to be called an idiot, moron, and such... at least this person didn't insult my state like others have. Anyway, I must say that no, Gryffindor is not my favorite house. Slytherin is. And I do understand the books. I've read everyone of them multiple times. Snape is soft in this story because he's in love! In the books he most certainly is not, at least not from our point of view. By saying that he would go back into character, I didn't mean completely, and that time hasn't come yet, therefore you couldn't have spotted it yet. I think you've misunderstood me. I am sorry that you seem to think that the fact of me being fifteen makes me stupid, but you don't know me at all. And you would be right about one thing, don't read my story if you don't like it. It's simple really. I've never trashed a story, and I never will, because we all have different tastes. If you didn't like it from the beginning, then why would you continue to read it? It's a waste of time. If you are reading this now, I must say that you are a totally foul critic that can just get lost. Now that my spirits are totally down, I will try to continue this story the best I can....just because I care about those who do like this story.!$!$!
"Harry, you know I have to go!" Severus argued with the boy two weeks later. Voldemort was sending him on another mission. Harry didn't want him to go, he didn't want to miss him again, to worry for him again. "It's not even like this one is that dangerous." he said, trying to reassure his boyfriend.
"Sevy, I can't stand it. Why can't you just quit the Death Eaters?" Harry whined.
"And die? No thank you." he laughed. He finished packing for his week's travel and kissed Harry's lips. "I'll be back soon. Don't worry about me, just have fun with your friends." with that he left.
Harry felt dead inside. It had been over a week and Severus still wasn't back. Something had to have gone wrong. He wanted to ask Dumbledore if he had heard from him, but he knew the headmaster would be suspicious of why he would care about Professor Snape.
"Harry, mate, what's wrong?" Ron asked as they sat around the dorm playing chess. Harry had been staring off into space, and wasn't taking his turn. Ron had took advantage of that and took some extra moves, but now he was starting to worry about his friend.
"Huh?...oh...nothing. I was just thinking." Harry said and took his turn. "HEY! YOU'VE CHEATED!" he catch on and kicked Ron under the table.
"Couldn't help myself." Ron said innocently and cleared the board. "I'm ready for bed anyway."
Harry nodded in agreement and crawled into his own bed. He missed sleeping with Severus. He was used to his warmth. He wanted that strong arm wrapped around him and the smell of herbs and potions surrounding him. He missed the man so much.
Two days later Harry sat on the sofa in the common room, staring into the fire. Ron sat next to him and put a hand on his shoulder. "Harry, you've got to tell me what's going on in your life. You can't just shut me out! You've been disappearing for nights at a time, we've barley been talking, and now you're always zoning out." his best friend said softly.
"It's nothing Ron."
"Nothing?" Ron almost laughed. How could it be nothing? "I just want you to know that I'm here for you, and if you want to talk about it...well I'll listen."
Harry only nodded.
Two weeks...two weeks and he wasn't back. Something had to be seriously wrong. He couldn't stand being away from his boyfriend anymore. Harry snuck down to the dungeons in the middle of the night and went to Severus' dorm.
He inhaled all of the left over scent. He calmed down a little. He was still worried, but he knew Severus could handle himself. There was a book on the end table by the bed. He crawled in and picked it up, thinking it was something Severus was reading.
How wrong was he...it was another journal.
Dear Journal,
I can't believe the child is such a fool. He really believes that I am in love with me. I, Severus Snape, Potions Master at the most prestigious wizarding school in the world, in love with Harry Potter? Hah! The kid must be on drugs.
Today I was talking to Draco Malfoy, now that is a normal student. At least he isn't naive. His father surely as brought him up right. I have yet to tell Harry that Draco is my godchild... it'll surely piss him off! Oh I can't wait to see the look on his face. Mind games are so much fun. And what, you ask, are these mind games leading to?
Let's see...there's always some great sex that I could get out of it. I may just be playing with him, but it doesn't mean that I'm not gay! I suppose he could be good in bed, he's handsome enough. Besides, he's so determined, I'm sure he has some great techniques, if you know what I mean!
After I've had my go with him, I'll turn him into the Dark Lord and watch him suffer for awhile. Then my master will kill him and nothing will stand in his way anymore. Oh, Severus, you will be greatly rewarded for this outstanding plan of yours. I mustn't let anyone know, other than my master. If anyone finds out that might tell him...everything could be ruined.
What will I do after the plan is over? I'll take my gifts from my lord and live a wonderful life. I won't have to put up with that menacing Potter anymore, and perhaps his friends will be too shocked at his death to annoy me anymore. Life will be good...
Then I'll go and get myself a real Bloke... maybe someone I already know like that delicious Lucius Malfoy. Or... Well, I kind of like the idea of having someone younger. I could always go for Draco Malfoy, after all he looks almost just like his father, but a little more feminine like his mother...however I can like a girly-man sometimes.
I should go now, I'm leaving soon for another journey with my lord.
Evilly yours,
Severus.
Harry wiped his tears away. This couldn't be true. It had to be a joke. Severus loved him. He loved him! He was only a spy for Voldemort! He's on Dumbledore's side...he just had to be! He couldn't stand to be in the room anymore. He took the journal with him and ran back to his dorm.
"Harry, is that you?" Ron asked as he saw the door open but no one seemed to come in. He heard a sob and then Harry pulled his invisibility cloak off of him and fell into Ron's arms on the redhead's bed. "Harry?" Ron asked. He didn't know what to do. He had never hugged his best friend before. He had most definitely never even seen Harry cry.
"Ron... I'm such an idiot!" was all Harry said before crying even harder.
"Shh..." Ron said soothingly. "You'll wake the others. Let's go downstairs."
Harry nodded and got off of his friend. He managed to hide the journal and his cloak in his truck before going downstairs. "So," Ron said as he sat in a chair. "What's going on?"
Harry sighed as he laid on the couch, holding his head in his hands. "I can't tell you everything. Let me just say that I was seeing someone." Was... it seems so final. "I can't tell you who, but I care deeply for them. However, I just found out that they've only been using me. They never liked me."
"Who is it Harry. You can tell me."
"No... I can't."
"Okay, well... how do you know they've been using you?"
"I found their journal and well...it explained it all."
"Oh, there's no excuse for that. People don't lie to their journals!"
...'Besides for in the first one I found.' Harry thought with a sigh.
"Harry, whoever hurt you...just forget them! They obviously aren't worth it!"
"But he is!" Harry exclaimed.
Ron paled. His eyes fell and Harry groaned. He had let Ron know he was gay, just great!
"Ron..." Harry tried not to peg for a reaction, any reaction at all.
"A guy...?" Ron asked quietly.
"I'm gay Ron, I thought you knew." Harry lied.
"No..."
"Why do you think I snogged Seamus!?"
"I just...you were drunk!"
"So, it doesn't mean I was completely out of my mind. You didn't see my kissing any girls." Harry laughed coolly. This was easier than he had thought. He just hoped Ron wouldn't freak.
"Oh..." was all Ron said. Slowly Harry made his way over to his friend and kneeled in front of him.
"Ron, look at me" he said, staring with his emerald eyes, searching for Ron's blue ones.
Ron looked up a little to see Harry and gave a nervous half-smile.
"Are you okay with it?"
"I guess... I mean, wow...I would have never guessed. It's a little odd. I mean, think of it! We've slept in the same bed before and we've changed in front of each other and all this time you were gay."
"Not really, I mean...well I suppose deep down I was, but I just didn't admit it to myself...that is, not until I found out this person fancied me. And you don't have to worry, Ron, redheads aren't my type." Harry laughed when Ron put on an offended face.
"What's wrong with redheads!?"
"Nothing, I just prefer guys with hair the color of a raven." Harry sighed dreamily.
"Oooh! So he has black hair, does he?"
Damn it...he's giving too much away!
"So who is it? Seamus? It is, isn't it! Look Harry, you can tell me!"
"No, it's not Seamus. I can't tell you, Ron, even if I wanted to. He'd get into trouble. Besides, it's over now. It doesn't matter. Even if I do love him..."
"Love is a strong word, Harry."
"I have a strong feeling, Ron."
"Very well then, I'd suggest you either ignore him and get over him, or try to work things out with him." He paused and yawned. "I'm very tired. We should go back to sleep, we'll talk about this in the morning."
Harry nodded and the two boys headed back to the dorm.
Little did they know they were being watched.
The next morning Harry decided not to go to his classes. He instead used one of Fred and George's Skiving Snack Boxes and curled up in bed reading some of the earlier entries in the new Journal.
Dear Journal,
Last Night I told Potter that he looks sexy without his glasses on. More like repulsively sickening. Usually the hideous glasses draw away from his stupid scar; that scar that caused the down-fall of my lord. However, last night when he took them off and I looked at him... it was disgusting.
Every time I kiss him I'm afraid I'll throw up in his mouth and blow this whole charade. However, last night I started to pretend like it was someone really juicy like that bloke I met at that pub last month. Mmm... I'd like to get in his pants.
I've got hundreds of essays to mark, spending time with Potter is not good for my career. If Dumbledore fires me I'll never be able to complete this task, I've got to stay on top of things.
Sinfully yours,
Severus
He was worried about getting fired was he? He wouldn't have to worry about that much longer... because Harry was going to kill that man when he returned to the school!
!$!$! Wow... I started writing this forever ago and never got to finish it because of band camp... hah, I've been putting off more honors work and writing fan fic instead! School starts Tuesday, and all of my honors work is due Thursday, so after Thursday I'll be able to update more...but not as much as before, because games and competitions are starting for marching band....but it'll still be more often then it has been lately! I'm so sorry...
I want to thank lover not a fighter for standing up for me and for being a great person! Violence is not the way (lol I love your pen name!) I'm such a hippie...blah, anywoo... review! (nicely please! lol no more flames! I'm already on fire hah!)