NEOMAGE: Guys, we're in trouble...if the God Monsters failed to kill Barney, then that means all his friends from PBS Kids will come seeking revenge!
ZOOM: C'mon, they couldn't be that powerful!
NEOMAGE: The Teletubbies...all the characters from Sesame Street...Kermit and the Muppets...the list could go on and on...
ZOOM: OO;;
FLASH: Is there no-one who can kill these monstrosities?!
NEOMAGE: There WAS one, but we already killed him...Yami Marik...
ALL: OO;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
DARKSEID: We'd better run away and hide!
NEOMAGE: Where?
(Suddenly the door bursts open as all the aforementioned characters, led by Barney, storm the room)
BARNEY: Come on, everyone! Let's show these uncaring people what love is all about! All together now...
NEOMAGE & THE GANG: NOOOOOOO!!!!
BARNEY & PBS GANG: "I love you...you love me...we're a happy family..."
DARKSEID: SOMEBODY KILL ME! PLEASE, JUST KILL ME ALREADY! EVEN DEATH IS BETTER THAN THIS!!!
CHAPTER 11
TIME: 1:00 p.m.
PLACE: Midway City
"Where are they? They sure are taking their sweet time, aren't they?" Flash complained.
"Be patient, Flash," Wonder Woman advised. "At least, not everyone is as fast as you are. Grin and bear it."
But in a few minutes the other heroes were seen flying up in the sky, landing next to Wonder Woman and Flash. "Well, we're here," Superman announced. "What did you guys find out?"
Wonder Woman explained what they'd learned about the winged resident of Midway City. When she'd finished, Superman frowned.
"Metal wings?" he asked. "Then this person is a copycat?"
"Perhaps," Wonder Woman shrugged.
"None of this seems to fit together at all," J'onn shook his head doubtfully. "A woman with metal wings, a mysterious caller who gives accurate information, and the hospital rescuer who, by the way, didn't have wings. How do they come together?"
"Maybe they're all one and the same," Flash suggested.
"Maybe, maybe not. We don't really know anything for certain; we have no proof one way or the other," Lantern returned.
Just then Wonder Woman's comm.-link went off. "Yes?" she answered it.
It was Batman. "I have the information you were asking for about Kendra Saunders," he announced. "It turns out her identity is as phony as a three-dollar bill. I have a blood sample with me right now and I'm going to have it tested for a match to that of any person I have in my database. Are you still in Midway City?"
"Yes, we all are," Wonder Woman replied. "Our mystery friend called again – said that the Secret Society's planning to rob the museum here at 6:00. We decided to stick around for a while."
"All right," said Batman. "I should be back in Midway before then. Over and out."
"Batman's not coming?" asked Superman.
"He'll be here, all right – just not right away," Wonder Woman replied.
"Just like him – always has to make an entrance." Superman shrugged.
"Well, it's all right," said J'onn. "There are five of us here now, and we're ready for the Secret Society. All we have to do is position ourselves and wait."
TIME: 1:30 p.m.
PLACE: Wayne Manor, Gotham City
Now out of costume, Bruce Wayne was wearing a chemist's coat, leaning over a table full of beakers, test tubes, and other such paraphernalia in the Batcave. With extreme care he dropped a few drops of the collected blood sample onto a small glass slide.
Picking up the slide and holding it as gently as possible, he walked over to the large supercomputer and, with as much care, he placed the slide onto a metal tray. Then he pushed the tray into the computer's identification slot. This slot could accurately ID any sample that was placed in it – from blood to hair to skin to saliva.
"Okay...run analysis for identification," he muttered, typing in a command on the giant keyboard.
The computer responded by popping up a large icon with a bar at the bottom marked 0%. Below that, the time remaining said 2 hours and 30 minutes.
"All right...now all I have to do is wait." Bruce sighed. "But what exactly am I looking for? Diana never did specify why she wanted me to be so thorough on this girl, Kendra Saunders..."
TIME: 2:45 p.m.
PLACE: Midway City
"Yes, I'd like three Whopper meals, please," Flash said politely to the cashier.
She smiled sweetly. "Three Whopper meals, coming up." She punched in the order and then added, "That'll be $7.50."
Flash reached into his pocket and pulled out a $10 bill. "Keep the change, pretty lady," he said, winking at her. She blushed.
Fifteen minutes later Flash walked out of Burger King and went to a bench, where J'onn was waiting. "One for you, two for me," said the Scarlet Speedster.
"Are you sure the others didn't want any?" asked J'onn suspiciously.
"Well, I did ask," admitted Flash, "but they didn't want any."
"Some things never change, I suppose," J'onn shrugged as he popped two fries into his mouth.
Flash took a big bite into one of his two burgers, and the smile on his face showed how much he was enjoying it. Then after a moment the smile disappeared. "Say, J'onn, there's something I've been meaning to ask you," he remarked.
"Ask away."
"Well...have you ever wished that you could...you know, change the way things turned out? I mean, with Hawkgirl and everything. Sometimes I wish I could just wish away all the bad stuff that happened."
Flash's face was now very grave, and J'onn gave him a searching look. Then the Martian sighed resignedly. "Flash," he said gently, "can you keep a secret?"
Flash looked at him questioningly and nodded.
J'onn took a sip of his soda. "Back on Mars," he explained, "my people possessed a great and powerful gift – a gift we called the Mayavana, or Great Gift. This gave us the ability to grant the deepest desire of any person's heart, creating a mental reality that was as real to the receiver as any normal reality."
"Wow, that's really something," said Flash. He paused. "Wait...forgive me for bringing this up, but if that's really true, why haven't you used it yet? To revive Mars and your people, I mean."
J'onn closed his eyes at the painful reference to the slaughter of his entire race, and he was silent for so long Flash thought he wasn't going to answer. Then he said, "I would if I could, but unfortunately it doesn't work like that. You see, the wish that the Mayavana can grant has to be someone else's wish – it is not a gift that can be used to grant one's own desires."
"I see." Flash nodded respectfully.
"And there's more," J'onn went on. "The Mayavana is so powerful and takes so much energy, a Martian could only use it once in his entire life – once and no more. I still have the power to use the Mayavana, but I have never used it. I didn't want to use it on a wish that might later turn out to have been a bad one."
Flash nodded again, this time more slowly. "And you wouldn't use it to change Hawkgirl's circumstances?"
"If it was what she wanted, then yes, I would. I know for a fact that the rest of us in the League would want for her to stay, but we could not force her when she announced that she was resigning...and we cannot force her now, even in her absence."
"I understand," said Flash quietly. "Well, at least it was worth a try..."
"Yes, it was right of you to speak your mind," said J'onn. "I'm only sorry I couldn't be of more help."
"Nah, forget about it," replied Flash. "Thanks all the same." And he took another big bite out of his burger.
TIME: 3:05 p.m.
PLACE: A castle outside Metropolis
Savage's face was full of absolute calm as he slipped the energy gauntlets onto his arms. "Soon...very soon, ultimate power will be mine," he murmured.
Just then Humanite appeared at the door. "Mr. Savage, everything is ready for departure," he announced. "However, Zoom just got back from doing recon. He said to tell you that the Justice League is waiting in Midway City."
"So? Let them wait." Savage chuckled. "Yes, let them wait, indeed..."
TIME: 3:30 p.m.
PLACE: Midway City
Time seemed to pass very slowly.
Flash was walking about aimlessly, almost completely unconscious of the fact that he seemed to be spacing out. It was only when he felt a tap on his shoulder that he jerked back to reality. "Who – what – ?"
"Wake up, buddy," Lantern grinned. "People will think you're drunk if you keep walking about like that."
"Sorry," Flash said sheepishly. "I'm just bored, that's all."
"Welcome to the club," Lantern admitted. "Are you hungry, too?"
"Yeah, kinda," Flash admitted. "We could go buy some more burgers..."
"You got the cash?" asked Lantern. "I'm broke."
"Well, I've got my ATM card, and what do you know! There's an ATM right over there—" Suddenly Flash's face fell. "And a really long line there, too."
"Well, go join it before it gets any longer," Superman's voice came up behind him. "I could use a burger, too, you know."
Scowling, Flash walked over to join the ATM line as Lantern and Superman grinned.
TIME: 3:59 p.m.
PLACE: Wayne Manor, Gotham City
The loud beeping jerked Bruce awake with a start. He could not tell how long he'd been dozing, but as he rubbed his sleepy eyes, he saw that the clock on the computer was saying 3:59 going on to 4:00. The beeping was the sound of the computer's analysis concluding. "Analysis percentage: 100%" was written on the screen.
"Finally," he grunted, typing some more on the keyboard. "Now, let's see what we have here."
He examined the data on the blood that the computer was giving him. It was identified as being Type AB. "Well, that narrows it down a lot," he sighed. "After all, Type AB blood is rather rare. But there are hundreds of people worldwide with that type of blood..."
Suddenly he paused and looked at the screen again. "What's this? A high level of adrenaline – WAY above normal – kept at a consistent level? This is bizarre..."
Bruce thought for a minute. "Adrenaline is usually kept at a minimum level unless one is in a state of constant extreme physical activity, which is next to impossible. Plus, the fact that this level of adrenaline is maintained at such a high rate by the body – even a person like me couldn't possibly have that type of energy for such long periods. The Flash could, maybe, but he has to constantly maintain his energy level by consistent eating. But this person, it would seem, only needs a regular rest pattern and can otherwise function like a normal person."
He shook his head. There was only one way to figure out this mystery now. "I'll have to run a scan of all the blood samples in my files that are Type AB to find one that matches this. One thing is for sure, though – this Kendra Saunders, whoever she really is, is no ordinary woman."
Typing in the command, Bruce smiled when the computer started to check all the designated samples. "Only an hour till this is finished," he thought to himself. "Maybe I can get a few extra minutes of sleep till then." With that thought in mind, he gently leaned back and closed his eyes.
TIME: 4:20 p.m.
PLACE: Midway City
"FINALLY!" Flash exploded as he returned to the others with the cash. Superman already had a list waiting for him.
"While you're at it, get something simple for the princess," said Lantern. "I don't think she's ever had stuff like this before."
Flash nodded and sped back to Burger King. Ten minutes passed, then he returned with two bags full of food. "Here's for you..." giving a fish burger to Lantern. "...you..." handing two cheeseburgers and a Whopper with extra cheese to Superman. "And some of the stuff in the bag is for me. I asked J'onn if he wanted any, but he declined. Now, where's Diana?"
"Over there," said Superman, pointing to a park bench where Wonder Woman sat watching the children at play.
Taking a deep breath, Flash took the rest of the food and zipped over to where Wonder Woman was. "Hey there," he greeted her.
She nodded. "Flash, did you HAVE to come over here to eat? I hate it when you pig out!" she exclaimed.
"Actually, I'm not here to do that – I want to give you something," Flash corrected her, reaching into the bag and taking out a cheeseburger. He unwrapped it and handed it to her. "I know you've never had this kind of food before, so I decided to let you have something small to start off. You don't like it, you don't have to eat it again."
Wonder Woman eyed the cheeseburger, then Flash. "Is this your way of sucking up to me?"
"Nope, not at all. Go ahead, take it."
She hesitated, then slowly reached out and took the burger in one hand. Taking a bite, she chewed slowly, deliberately, as if trying to define the taste. Finally she swallowed. "It's actually pretty nice," she admitted. "I see now why you like this stuff so much."
"There's more in the bag if you like, when you've finished," said Flash. He reached in and pulled out a Whopper, eating it quietly. Wonder Woman shook her head in wonderment at this sudden humane development, then went back to eating her first burger.
TIME: 4:58 p.m.
PLACE: Wayne Manor, Gotham City
"Analysis complete. One match found."
Bruce yawned and looked at the screen. "Note to self: get more rest," he sighed as he read the text. "Do I want to see the person who matches this blood? Of course I do," he growled as he typed again.
"Information downloading. Remaining time: two minutes."
"At last we'll see who you really are," Bruce gloated, smiling a little, watching as the information loaded onto the page. As it came, however, his smile slowly turned upside down and his eyes widened in disbelief. He read the new information before him, then read it again. And again. And yet again. Then, almost not realizing what he was doing, he backed away from the computer slowly as though it were a giant rat-trap he was trying to avoid.
"It...can't...be..."
FLASH: Please...oh, God, please...kill me, somebody, anybody...
BARNEY: Are you ready to be all hugs and smiles now?
NEOMAGE: (laughing crazily) Purple...we love you, purple...
DARKSEID: xx
ZOOM: (retching violently)
ELMO: Can I sing my theme song to convince them?
BARNEY: Sure, why not?
FLASH: (weakly) ...oh, God...
ELMO: "La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la, Elmo's world..."
(Suddenly Elmo is cut off as four blasts of light rip through him)
YUSUKE: Shut the hell up!!!
NEOMAGE: (turning sane instantly) THANK GOD! Yusuke, what the hell took you so long?!
YUSUKE: It took me four hours to convince Koenma that Barney and his other pals were a threat to the sanity of all people over 5 years of age. He wasn't in his teenager form.
NEOMAGE: --;; Damn 7,000-year-old toddlers...
BARNEY: Elmo! Elmo, little red buddy! Are you OK?
ELMO: XX
BARNEY: GET THEM!
NEOMAGE: We've got a long and bitter fight ahead of us...
YUSUKE: Not a problem! Fighting's what I do best! (powers up Spirit Energy in his fist) SHOTGUN!!!
(The energy rips through several of the Muppets)
NEOMAGE: LET'S GO, ASSHOLES!!!