(Moments later, Yusuke and neomage have torn through Barney's defenses, until only Barney himself is left)
YUSUKE: You, purple faggot, are going down!
BARNEY: Do you need a hug?
YUSUKE: No! I don't need a friggin' hug from you!
NEOMAGE: Can the chatter and just get him already!
YUSUKE: Wait a minute...I can't move! (he tries to move but his body won't budge)
BARNEY: It's the love of all my kiddy fans around the world that's preventing you from moving. Now you'll have to accept my love!
NEOMAGE: (Is this dude gay or something?) OO;;
YUSUKE: Help...me...neo...mage...!
NEOMAGE: Only one thing left to do...
NARRATOR: (dropping from the ceiling) What is our heroic author planning to do? Will it be enough to stop the rampage of the overeager Barney? And is Barney really gay?
NEOMAGE: Oo Where the hell did YOU come from?
NARRATOR: I'm the narrator, remember? I am this powerful!
NEOMAGE: --;
CHAPTER 12
TIME: 5:00 p.m.
PLACE: Midway City
The big clock in the middle of the square started to chime out the hour of five o'clock. "All right, then, team," said Superman. "Just one hour to go."
"About time," Lantern grunted, stretching hard. "Times goes by so damn slowly in this city."
"Yeah, I heard that," Flash agreed.
"Soon, it'll be show-time," added Wonder Woman.
J'onn looked around. "Look at all these people," he commented. "Every one of them, going about their business as usual. They've got no idea that there's going to be a major showdown in effect in only one hour."
Flash yawned. "Well, I'm bored enough as it is," he said. "Listen, the museum closes at a few minutes to six, so I'm gonna go look at some of the artifacts before they lock up. I'll probably even stand guard there. Anybody wanna come with me?"
"No, thank you," said J'onn. "But it is pointless to be standing around here from now till six. Why don't we go scout out the city for a little bit?"
"Very well," said Superman. "Just make sure you're at the museum a few minutes before six, okay?"
"Understood," said Lantern.
"We'll meet you there, then, Flash," said Wonder Woman. And with that, the five heroes split up.
A few moments later Flash arrived at the museum entrance and accosted the security guard. "Say, you were here earlier today with Wonder Woman, weren't you?" the guard exclaimed. "Come back to look at the artifacts again, have we?"
"Well, not really," Flash shrugged. "Actually, I came to talk to Kendra Saunders. Is she still around, by any chance?"
"The museum co-director?" The guard frowned a little. "Well, she was here, but she left about half an hour ago. It was really early for her to be leaving, but then again it's her way of life. She's always left at least an hour or so before closing time, ever since she first came to work here."
Flash was completely crestfallen. "Oh, man," he groaned. "I was hoping to at least see her, you know. She is such a hottie!"
"You're not the first to have said that, believe me," the guard laughed. "Well, you can try again tomorrow, if you like. She's always here at eight, on the dot."
"I'll remember that. Thanks!" Flash turned to walk away – and nearly ran into somebody. "Oh, excuse me," he apologized.
The other person was a tall, broad-shouldered man in a dark trench-coat and a wide-brimmed hat that shrouded his face, with white gloves on his hands. "Not at all, pardon me," he answered, and stepped past Flash.
Flash shrugged and continued on his way. But as he took three steps down the block, something suddenly dawned on him. Turning, he was just in time to see the man going up the steps into the museum. His bare feet were green and leathery, with sharp claws!
"Killer Croc!" ran through Flash's mind. "What's going on?" Hurriedly he dashed back to the museum entrance and paused just at the doorway. Peering in, he was just in time to see Croc throwing off his trappings, scaring the few remaining museum patrons and causing them to stampede out the door.
Quickly Flash contacted Superman. "We've been had! They're striking the museum ahead of schedule! Killer Croc's here already!"
"WHAT? Flash, keep him busy! I'm on my way right now!"
Flash switched off his comm.-link, then dashed in. "I'd recognize your big feet anywhere, Killer Croc!" he yelled.
The reptilian man turned to face him, snarling. "I gave you the chance to walk away with your life," he growled, "but it seems you've all got a death wish these days!" With that, he charged at the Scarlet Speedster.
Batman was in the Batmobile, zooming toward Midway City, when suddenly his comm.-link went off. "Go ahead," he said.
Superman's urgent voice came on. "Batman, they're here one hour early! Flash is fighting Killer Croc at the museum right now!"
"I'm on my way." With that Batman swiftly shifted the car into fifth gear and stepping hard on the accelerator. Already going almost fast enough to rival a Mach-3 jet, now the Batmobile tore forward so fast that all that could be seen was a blur.
"C'mon! Is that all you've got?" Flash teased, repeatedly dodging Killer Croc's numerous assaults.
Croc bellowed in fury and, grabbing a heavy stone millet from an Amerindian exhibit close by, hurled it at Flash. The latter easily dodged – and then saw where the millet was going. It was about to smash into a 17th-century Chinese vase collection! But rushing quickly, he was able to save all the vases and put them elsewhere before the stone hit into the wall with a heavy thud.
Suddenly Croc got an idea. Grabbing the edge of a glass-cased Victorian-era suit of armor, he pushed it over carelessly. Immediately Flash dashed over there and braced himself, catching the glass case before it could smash against the floor. However, he hadn't counted on it being very heavy, and he had to call up as much strength as he could to keep the case from slipping from his grasp.
Immediately Croc was all over him, slamming his enormous fists into Flash's back, gut and sides. Flash winced with each blow that landed, but he refused to drop the glass case. "No...way...in...hell...!" he growled.
"You're even more stubborn than Batman!" Croc snapped as he continued to hit his enemy. "No matter – I'll just kill you right here!" With that he sent a mighty blow to Flash's midsection, causing the speedster to spew blood – yet he still refused to let go of the case.
Suddenly a bright green light emanated from the doorway, with a voice saying in an ugly tone, "Leave him alone!" Next thing, a bright blast of green energy slammed into Croc, sending him flying across the room right into an old gong. As Croc's head hit it, the gong let out a loud noise, reverberating around the room as he slid to the floor.
Green Lantern flew over and used his ring's energy to relieve Flash of the glass case, setting it upright once more. Flash immediately sank to the floor, but Lantern caught him before he could fall completely. "Easy there, buddy," he consoled his friend. "Good thing we both respect history, huh?"
"G.L..." Flash's tone was now raspy, so angry was he. "Protect the artifacts."
Lantern took one look at Flash's face and immediately knew better than to argue. "Go get him, kid," he said as he flew up into the air, using his ring's energy to send barriers around all the artifacts in the room.
Croc was now shaking his head to clear it as he stood back up. As the swirling lights cleared in his head and he could see clearly again, he caught sight of Flash standing no less than ten feet away from him, spinning his fist so fast it was as though he was holding a little tornado. "Hey, gator-boy," Flash said in an icy tone, "if you think you're so tough, come get me."
Letting out a roar, Croc rushed at Flash, slashing with his claws – but Flash merely dodged the attacks and homed in on Croc's gut, slamming his tornado fist into his opponent's leathery flesh as hard as he could. The force of the blow knocked Croc off his feet and sent him flying several feet back; when he tried to get up again, he spewed up a sickening mixture of blood and bile from his nose and mouth and collapsed face-first.
Lantern shuddered. "Remind me never to piss you off," he said to Flash.
Suddenly a flash of yellow shot through the front entrance. The next thing Flash knew, he found himself in a tight arm-lock being delivered by Zoom. "You know how long I've been waiting for this?" Zoom raged. "Far too long, I say!"
Flash struggled against Zoom, but the Reverse-Flash's grip was too powerful. Then suddenly, Flash started spinning, swinging Zoom around behind him on his neck. Finally, Zoom lost his grip and went sailing, crashing headfirst into the same gong that Killer Croc had just flown into a few moments ago.
Just then, a blast of ice hit Flash in the legs, freezing him to the spot. "What the - ! Dammit, I can't move!" he cried.
Croc and Zoom were now getting back up; next to them, Killer Frost was smiling in her Gothic way as her hands flashed with cold energy. From behind came Volcana and Sinestro, all ready for battle.
Sinestro's ring flashed. "The Lantern's mine!" he shouted as he flew up to do battle with Lantern. The latter, on seeing Sinestro advance, quickly summoned some of his own ring's energy to form a shield around himself, just as Sinestro started firing on him.
The other villains advanced on a helpless Flash – but suddenly a blast of wind threw them back. Looking around, Flash saw Superman's eyes glow as the other hero used his heat vision to melt the ice on the Scarlet Speedster's legs. Beside Superman were Wonder Woman and J'onn J'onzz, all ready to fight.
Flash dashed up to be beside them. "Geez, Superman, you actually blew them away, didn't you?" he wisecracked.
Superman grinned. "Let's knock 'em dead."
The helicopter soared toward the roof of the museum. At its controls was the Ultra-Humanite, and beside him sat Vandal Savage. "Almost there now," said Humanite.
"Yes, we are," Savage chuckled. "And very soon, that meteorite will be all ours."
But as Humanite chanced to glance down, he caught sight of the Flash rushing out of the museum, chasing after Zoom. "Oh, shoot," he grumbled. "It looks like at least one of them might be onto us."
Savage looked down too, just in time to see Wonder Woman floating backwards out of the museum entrance, defending herself against Volcana's fiery blasts. "It would perhaps be safer to assume that all of them caught on," he remarked. "But no matter. They expected us to strike at six as per our original plans; this early start may have thrown them off-guard. This will give us the perfect opportunity to strike and claim our prize. Take her down, Humanite."
Just before Humanite could do so, however, a volley of arrows flew up at them. One of them went straight through the windshield, flying right in between the two.
"What?" Savage shouted. "Who's shooting at us?!"
Humanite looked down and caught sight of someone in full black, training an arrow at them. "Ah, that must be our mysterious enemy," he remarked.
"I'll take it from here, Humanite," said Savage. "Continue with the plan. I'll take care of this pest myself." With that he braced himself and jumped out of the chopper, falling and landing neatly on the roof which, fortunately, hadn't been too far a drop for him. He turned with a flourish and looked directly at the stranger in black.
TIME: 5:30 p.m.
PLACE: The outskirts of Midway City
The Batmobile shot down the road, closing in on Midway City. "I hope I don't miss any of the action," Batman said, almost to himself. "Not to worry, though – I'm almost there."
By and by he was speeding through the city streets, all the while getting closer and closer to the museum. As he closed in on it, however, he glanced up in time to see Savage jump from the helicopter to land on the rooftop. He then saw the chopper flying elsewhere on the roof.
"Oh, no, you don't!" he yelled, thrusting his foot on the accelerator. Steering the car toward the side of the museum, he suddenly opened the console near the steering wheel and pushed a button. Aiming for the top part of the wall, he pressed the button. A large grappling hook installed on the front end of the car shot out and hitched onto the wall. Reeling himself in, Batman forced the whole front end of the car to rise up, causing its underside to become parallel with the wall.
As the wheels touched the wall, Batman pressed another button in the console. The afterburner at the back of the car fired off, sending the Batmobile rocketing skyward. Batman could feel a trickle of sweat on his brow as the car gained momentum the closer it got to the edge of the roof. He noted that near the top, the wall sloped diagonally upward; that would give him the necessary boost. He just needed to time it just right...
As he got ever nearer to the edge of the roof, Batman could see the nose of the helicopter coming closer and closer. Then suddenly, one split second as the car got onto the diagonal slope, he rammed the afterburner button as hard as he could. Instantly the car blasted forward and went sailing upward. Batman swiftly jettisoned the driver's seat, ejecting just as the car sailed upward.
In the chopper, the Ultra-Humanite was shocked to see the Batmobile closing in on him. Without a second thought, he dived out the door and fell to the roof of the museum just as the Batmobile slammed headfirst into the chopper. Instantly both spontaneously combusted, landing close by on the roof with a solid crash.
Shuddering, Humanite picked himself up and then became aware of the Dark Knight standing a few feet away from him. "You would trash your own car just to stop me?" he remarked, chuckling.
"I've had to do it before," Batman replied coolly. "And in the name of justice...I'd gladly do it again."
The smile left Humanite's face. "So be it, then. Perhaps it was destiny that you and I would match wits here and now. Let's see what you can do against my superior strength and intellect."
Batman readied himself in combat pose, the flames from the wreckage blasting his cape back and forth. "Bring it on, monkey-boy."
"So, we meet at last," Savage said to the stranger, smiling. "So, tell me, who are you?"
No response.
"Not the talkative type, eh?" Savage continued, undaunted by the stranger's silence. "Well, that's all right. Although I do have to wonder what you'd have to gain by interfering in my business; but no matter now. Do you think you can stand up to me?"
In response, the stranger reached one arm round and pulled out a long katana, with a shining, wicked-looking blade. Holding the blade in a kendo stance, the stranger stood ready to battle Savage.
"Oh, you actually have one of those?" Savage remarked, obviously impressed. "A very nice piece of work, that sword...but compared to the power I currently possess, you are nothing. I've fought wars in feudal Japan, Nazi Germany, and other places since the dawn of time! Compared to you, I have thousands of years' worth of battle experience! You don't stand a chance!"
Again the stranger said nothing, but the grip on the sword tightened. Savage saw this and chuckled.
"You won't back down...that's good. That will make kicking your little ass around this rooftop even sweeter. Now, let's go." And his energy gauntlets flashed.
NEOMAGE: Only one thing left to do...! BLUE-EYES WHITE DRAGON!!!
(A second later the legendary dragon rips the roof of the house off. Barney looks up and is terrified)
BARNEY: What the hey? That thing's not affected by my cuteness!
NEOMAGE: WHITE – LIGHTNING – ATTACK! DESTROY THE BITCH NAMED BARNEY RIGHT NOW!!!
(The Blue-Eyes charges up its attack and blasts Barney into oblivion)
NEOMAGE: Whew. That's one terror gone down the drain. Thanks, man.
(The Blue-Eyes nods, then flies off)
NARRATOR: Wow...that's some power...
NEOMAGE: Yep...hey, by the way, did you read this chapter of my Justice League fanfic? Many thanks to my friend Muttley for his help with that part about the Batmobile driving up the side of the wall.
NARRATOR: If I'm not mistaken, that was paying tribute to "Batman Forever," wasn't it?
NEOMAGE: A lot of things in this fanfic pay homage to several things.
NARRATOR: That's the boss for you!