A/N – Hey everybody! I was just thinking that I haven't thanked my truly AWESOME and FANTASTIC reviewers in while, so THANK YOU! They mean so incredibly much to me. We broke 100! I think fairy tales is my niche, as I have tried numerous times to write stories for other sections (LotR and Harry) and receive no reviews (except for Aelimer, thank you!) This story is my favorite so far and dare I say my best as well? Also, just wanted to give you all a heads up that a new story is in the making, but it may not be up for a pretty long time. My second semester is the closest thing to hell, so updates may be slow.
I also haven't done a disclaimer in a while, which I really should, so here goes:
Disclaimer: Goodbye, Hello is a Beatles song. Telera is a completely made-up country. All designers mentioned are real ones, and I do not own them, obviously. All characters are mine and mine alone. (I think I said this before, but I caught wind that someone might be trying to copy my plot line? Anyone who could give me more information, please inform me. Thanks!)
Chapter 11
Susanna landed in London, where it was raining as usual. She grabbed her things and was driven to her cousin's flat, which stood just a block or two from the palace. She walked into the brick building, grateful to be out of the rain, which had been threatening to bring back her cold. She shook herself off, earning a glare from the doorman, who received much of her cast-off rain. She gave him a quick smile and went to the elevator, still dripping a bit. She rose up to the fifth floor, and stepped out to a lovely hallway containing two doors. Her cousin's was on the right, on which she found a note.
Suzy:
Sorry I couldn't be here when you came. Work. There's a key under the mat, and you can drop your things in the guest room to the left. I may be home late, so either just get something out of the fridge or go out. Cheerio!
Adrienne
Susanna wasn't surprised, and took the key from under the welcome mat and went inside. Adrienne's flat was charming, with hardwood floors, brick fireplaces, and a balcony. It was also a mess. Newspapers were flung everywhere, and books lay open on every couch and chair. Susanna smiled, and took her stuff to the small guest room, the only neat place in the flat.
She took off her wet clothes and hung them in the closet, and took a quick, hot shower. She noticed it had stopped raining, and stood outside on the balcony for a moment.
It was late afternoon and London was buzzing, not realizing a half-naked woman in a towel was standing above them. People walked up and down the streets, talking and laughing. The other buildings were just as enchanting as Adrienne's, with their Old World charm. It reminded Susanna of Bonfemme, Telera's main city on the coast. She smiled as a woman walked by with at least five dogs, running to keep up with them.
Yet as she looked down on the city, Susanna suddenly felt very lonely. She could call the doubtless numerous people she knew who were in the city for the show, but decided against it. They tended to be rather boring and superficial, and that was the last thing she wanted right now. Suddenly, as if by some psychic coincidence, her phone rang. She hurried back to her room and rummaged through her bags, finally finding it.
"Hello?" she asked, praying it was someone she wanted to talk to.
"I bet you look beautiful in London." It was Keith.
This brought a smile to her face and she sat down on the bed. "Well not at the moment," she said, catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Her hair was wet and her face looked jetlagged and tired.
He chuckled. "How is it?"
"Oh you know… rainy, cloudy… London-y."
He laughed. "Sounds great."
"How's the move going?" she asked.
"Fine, I guess. It's a bit of headache."
"Yeah, I know what you mean," she mused, remembering her own hellish move from Telera to New York.
They talked for a bit, about nothing in particular. He suddenly groaned and said that he had to go, one of the mover's was about to break his piano, so they hung up. Significantly happier, Susanna decided to get ready and go out for something to eat.
She got dressed in a pair of brown corduroy slacks, a crimson turtleneck, and a matching corduroy jacket. She dried her hair and curled it, and then put on a brown pageboy hat, and surprised herself by looking quite good in it. Grabbing her wallet and an umbrella, she headed out.
She strolled the streets for a bit, pausing to look at Buckingham Palace. She had been inside once, when she was very young, and it had been much grander than the Teleran palace. She continued on, pausing to look in some quaint shops, purchasing a thing or two, and then decided to go into Harrod's, just to look.
Looking through the cascades of clothes in Harrod's, Susanna was forced to stop and small-talk with a few people she knew that were in town for the show. They complimented her, and she complimented them, and then they all went back to shopping in their merry way. She ended up with practically more bags than she could carry, and decided it must be dinnertime.
After only looking for a few minutes, Susanna quickly decided on a cute little café, and sat outside. She surprised the waiter by ordering promptly, and then settled in to watch the people pass by.
It had only been a couple of minutes, when Susanna heard from behind her, "Susanna?"
She turned, ready to make chitchat with yet another fashion colleague. Instead, she was shocked to see none other than Roberto and Alberta sitting at another table. Her jaw dropped and she stood and walked over to them.
"Oh my God! Wow!" she exclaimed as they stood. They all hugged.
"What are you two doing here?" Susanna asked.
"Just visiting. What about you?" Alberta said.
"I'm just here for a show. They send me all over the place," she explained.
"Please, sit with us," Roberto said.
She agreed and dragged her infinite bags over to their table.
"So," she began as she settled in, "how's married life?"
They grinned at each other. "Wonderful," Roberto said, taking Alberta's hand in his own and giving it a kiss. She blushed and they both chuckled. Susanna repressed her vomiting for a moment and gave a small smile.
"My mother told me you were ill. She was very sorry she could not see you," Roberto said, turning back to Susanna.
"Yes, I was as well. I hope she enjoyed New York, though," Susanna replied.
Roberto made a face. "Well, considering she wasn't happy about going in the first place…"
"Roberto," Alberta admonished him.
"Oh come on, love, if anyone knows, it's Susanna," he said to her.
Susanna rolled her eyes. "Trust me, I know."
They both gave sheepish smiles. "When is Ryan going to learn that he is a prince and must behave like one?" Roberto said in a hushed voice. "Not that you're secretary isn't a lovely girl, I'm sure she is, but still…"
"The whole country is in an uproar about it," Alberta continued. "It just isn't proper."
"A secretary is not a respectable acquaintance for a prince. Again, not that I'm judging her, but Ryan must meet expectations! Surely you agree, Susanna."
"It's just terrible. Can you imagine if they were to get married?"
They both shuddered.
"They would have to elope. Mother would never allow it," Roberto said.
"Well, why would she? It's shameful and indecent!"
Susanna listened to them rant with a quiet annoyance. The more they rambled on about propriety and such, the more Susanna got defensive. Alright, so she hadn't been the hugest supporter of Ryan and Darcy either, but as she listened to Roberto and Alberta, she became angry. Who cares if Ryan wanted to go out with Darcy? First of all, he wasn't even the heir to the throne, and second of all, it was the 21st century. This was exactly how everyone had reacted to Susanna moving, but she had a feeling that this would stick around a bit longer than her scandal had. As they talked on and on, she determined then and there to quit thinking whatever it was she had been thinking about Ryan and staunchly support their relationship.
Their food came, and yet they still were talking about Ryan. Susanna tried to cut in here and there, but they would immediately override her. She ate slowly, trying to concentrate on her food instead of their inane blathering. She felt as if their very words were inching their way under her skin, into her very veins. It was driving her crazy.
They both ordered coffee but Susanna ordered a double shot of espresso. She was going to need it. Their conversation didn't stop once, as they talked about their wedding, and how nice and respectable everyone was in Telera, and how this was the way things had been for centuries, it was in their blood, et cetera, et cetera.
Susanna finally could not take it one more second. She just couldn't. She cracked. Gulping her espresso in one take, she stood up. Their talking ceased and they stared up at her.
"I'm sorry, your highness," she said sarcastically, "but I cannot take one more moment of you two's never-ending drivel about propriety and decorum! It's making me sick! Roberto, this is your brother, your very flesh and blood, that you're talking about. If he's happy, you should be happy for him, not just rattle on as if he's breaking some fuckin' law! And you, Alberta, less than one month in the palace and your just as bad as any idiotic, mindless, arrogant noble I know!" she yelled. The street around them had gotten quiet, and Roberto and Alberta stared up at her in shock. She tried to pick up her bags, but in her fury she couldn't get them.
"Help me, you ass," she yelled to the waiter, "I'm trying to storm off!"
The stunned waiter hurried forward and gathered up her bags and handed them to her. With one more irritated huff, she walked away as fast as she could in four-inch heels.
***
Tired, her head reeling, Susanna walked back to Adrienne's flat slowly. This was very bad, she thought. Yelling at the prince and princess was not going to do anybody any good, especially her. Once her mother heard, she was done for.
She trudged to the building. The doorman, still irked from earlier, pretended to be reading the newspaper and didn't hold the door for her. She spent nearly five minutes trying to open the door with her bags, until finally she just made three trips in and out the door. Kicking some of them to the elevator, she slumped against the wall and pushed the button. She had only been in it for a few seconds, though, when she stood straight up.
She sniffed. The elevator smelled of lilacs. Panic seized her as the door opened on Adrienne's floor. Slowly, she made her way to the door, and carefully took out her key. Her shoulders drooping, she submissively opened the door.
It was as she feared. Her mother, straight-backed and stern-faced, sat perched on one of Adrienne's sofas.
"I was wondering when you make it here," the duchess said coldly, looking at Susanna with her unrelenting eyes. Susanna made an aggravated noise in her throat. She stepped into the flat and took her hat off, not saying anything. Looking on her mother, all of her anger came rushing back. Literally, all of her anger.
"I thought from where the restaurant was it would not take that long," her mother went on.
Susanna almost laughed. "I should have known," she muttered.
"I don't know where I went wrong with you, Susanna, I really don't," her mother said. "That I have to travel to London to scold you for not stopping Ryan when you had the chance! I raised you to be respectful, dignified, gracious…"
"Shallow, prejudiced, arrogant… I know, Mother, the list goes on and on," Susanna interrupted, her voice cold and harsh.
"Being Teleran aristocracy means you must behave in a certain manner, Susanna! Do realize how embarrassing this is for me? People still hold me in high esteem, whether or not they do you! How could you have let this fling between Ryan and your secretary go so far?"
"Mother…"
"I should have come sooner. I blame you for this, you've had bad effect on the prince. The queen is outraged, the whole country is. How dare you just ignore all of our respectability! This is all your father's fault, he was far too lenient with you."
This broke whatever had been holding all of Susanna's feelings back. "No, Mother, this is all your fault. Every decision that I have ever made was because of you, to distance myself as far as possible from you. Anything I ever wanted was forbidden, because society wouldn't like it. Dad was only one who ever thought that I was something more than just a piece of money. You, though, you, Mother, are everything I never wanted to be… and I am everything that you couldn't be. Don't you get it? I don't care anymore what Telera thinks, and I sure as hell don't care what you think." She paused, as her voice went lower. "You're wasting your time, Mother." A tear formed in her eye, threatening to come down her cheek.
Her mother stood very still, pale as a ghost. She didn't look at Susanna as she took a deep breath and walked around the sofa and to the door. She paused, her hand above the doorknob, but then opened the door and left.
Susanna stood in the middle of the room, biting her upper lip. She put a shaking hand to her forehead, but it didn't work. Her tears spilled over, and her shoulders shook with sobs. The thought of her father only caused it to be worse, and she placed a hand over her eyes. She felt torn; she had been wanting to say that to her mother for so long and yet now that she had, she wanted to take it back. Her hand moved from her eyes to her mouth, and she looked around the chaotic apartment. A picture stood on an end table of their entire family. She picked it up and looked at it through her teary eyes. Her father smiled happily beside her, his bright blue eyes sparkling. She put it back down and her thoughts flickered to Ryan. She felt torn there as well; if she was being honest with herself… she felt something, and she knew it. Yet now she wanted so badly to approve and support his relationship with Darcy, but she knew it wasn't for the right reasons.
Her tears slowed, and finally ended. She didn't cry often, and she felt drained and unstable, so she cleared the couch and sunk onto it. She picked a book off the floor: The Poetry of Edna St. Vincent Millay. It was worn, and the pages were all ear-marked. Susanna smiled as she opened the old book. Inside she found little post-it notes that her cousin had written to herself: Read the poems ALOUD. Think about diction.
Susanna settled into the couch and began to read.
***
Ryan had had a terrible day. Once Darcy had run off the night before, he had gone home himself, much to the dismay of the numerous partiers. He had called her first thing in the morning, but she hadn't called back. He tried many more times throughout the morning, but to no avail.
He now sat in his room, his head in his hands, after just being told by his lately-distant brother that he had seen Susanna in London and that she had gone ballistic on them. He groaned; the last thing he wanted was to think of Susanna right now.
But think of her he did. Somehow, though, the more he thought of Susanna the more he thought of Darcy, and how wonderful Darcy truly was. For the time that they had been at the party, he had a really great time. Why would he even think of Susanna anyway? For the most part, she was mean, sarcastic, and most likely utterly not likely to reciprocate any kind of feelings he had.
But why did she say those things to Roberto and Alberta? Did she really care about his happiness, or was she just using this as another reason to hate Telera? A feeling in his stomach told him the latter. He was sick of these thoughts and feelings. If love was there, wouldn't he know it?
He sighed, but stood up. It was Darcy, it had to be. Susanna was far too complicating, and she only made matters worse when he thought of her. Darcy, though, was warm and kind and caring, everything that he wanted. Right?
A knock came at the door and he traipsed over to it. Opening it, he found a bouquet of flowers on the floor. He picked them up and read the card:
Ryan:
I apologize for leaving so suddenly, and that I haven't returned your calls. I can't explain right now, but I assure you that I will tell you everything soon.
Love,
Darcy
He smiled, as the sign of affection confirmed his decision. Darcy was the one.
***
Susanna had fallen asleep on the couch, corduroy pants and all. She woke to the bright morning sun on her face and the smell of coffee.
"Good morning, sunshine!" Her cousin was in the kitchen, cooking something on the stove.
Susanna stood and stretched, and then walked to the kitchen and gave her cousin a hug. Adrienne had wavy, strawberry-blonde hair that cascaded to her waist. She wore blue striped pajama pants and a white camisole. She was tall and fit, but her tanned face and bright smile were anything but intimidating.
Adrienne grinned wider as Susanna yawned and sat on the counter. She still felt tired from crying and yelling, and some of the anger from yesterday was still lingering, but she put on a smile for her cousin.
"So," Adrienne began, "you want to tell me why you're going around and yelling at princes?"
Susanna groaned. "I don't even know."
Adrienne nodded knowingly and put some eggs on a plate. She poured them two cups of coffee and they sat at her small dining table. The doors to the balcony were open and let in the fresh morning air, still having that after-rain smell. They read the paper while they ate, and Susanna felt comforted by the relaxed silence. Adrienne was one of the few people in her life with which she had always felt at ease with, who she didn't always have to talk with to be reassured by; it was enough just to know that Adrienne understood and was there for her.
"You have to work today?" Susanna asked.
"Yeah," Adrienne said with a sigh.
"How do you do it?" Susanna asked incredulously.
"Do what?"
"Work all the time. Isn't it exhausting?"
Adrienne smiled, her green eyes twinkling. "Sometimes. Not nearly as exhausting as a cotillion, though."
Susanna chuckled. There was a pause.
"Suzy, tell me the truth. Do you like Ryan?" Adrienne asked.
Susanna sighed and took a long, careful sip of her coffee. "I don't know," she said. "Sometimes I just feel such a… connection with him. But then sometimes I can't stand him."
"Isn't that just like love, though? Weren't you reading Millay last night?"
"Yeah."
"'Pity me that the heart is slow to learn what the swift mind notices at ever turn'," she quoted.
Susanna sighed. "The last thing I need is love," she said sarcastically. "When it's there, I'll know it."
"Are you sure?" Adrienne questioned doubtfully.
Susanna looked at her and said, "Yes, I am."
"Sometimes love's there even when you don't see it, Suzy."
"Yes, but someone who loves you is going to care about you and encourage you and love you for who you are," Susanna said, an edge to her voice.
"Sometimes it's hard to admit that you care about someone that much. It's even harder to show it."
The conversation was angering Susanna. "Trust me, you would show it, or else you would lose them forever. If it's me, and someone doesn't show me how much they care, I'm not going to stick around, waiting and hoping that they will. I'm not going to be some sap who waits by the phone every night just praying that some guy will call."
"Not everyone who waits for someone is a sap, Susanna. Sometimes you just need to give someone time."
"No, if they don't see it right when you do, move on."
"Then you'll end up with someone you don't truly love."
This halted Susanna for a moment. Her thoughts flashed to her parents; she had known her whole lives that they had only married for prosperity, yet they had gotten along just fine. She thought for a moment if maybe you don't need love to be happy; besides, love was cruel and difficult… wasn't it?
"Sometimes that works out," Susanna said.
Adrienne didn't answer, but her eyes had lost their sparkle. Her eyebrows flinched and then she went back to her newspaper.
Susanna got out of her chair and put her dishes in the sink. She went to her room to change for the show, but she couldn't concentrate. Her mind was decided; if it was going to be anyone, it would be Keith. Keith was passionate, and considerate, and sweet. He took the time to tell her how he felt, and was never secretive about his feelings. Ryan never seemed to care enough about her to be worth her time. Sure, there were those few times when she felt something, even felt something strong. She couldn't deny it; the way she felt in his arms dancing, the way he had kissed her on the cheek… This was ridiculous. All he cared for was himself, and pretending to rebel against his mother. That was all that Darcy was, and Susanna decided she was done with it. Screw supporting their relationship; hell, screw supporting him at all! All he gave her was mixed signals, and she was stupid for even putting up with it for this long. Ever since he had come to New York, her whole life had been turned upside down. Well, enough was enough.
She was through.