Oi! This is my first song fic and I'm pretty happy about it. I wrote this from Yugi's point of view, thinking about the fact that Yami has fallen in love with someone else. With whom, you might ask. Just read and find out =] I hope you'll enjoy it; the song is "A Thousand Words" by Savage Garden. There's also a picture I drew from it and there's a link to it on the story pictures website if you feel like looking at it!
We stumble in a tangled web
Decaying friendships almost dead
And hide behind a mask of lies
It's been nearly a month since that fateful day. Nearly a month since my world was shattered into a million pieces. Nearly a month since I figured out the truth. It's been eating away at me for nearly a month. And he still won't tell me himself. He won't tell me… that he has feelings for Seto Kaiba. He won't tell me that I'm not his aibou anymore.
We twist and turn and we avoid
All hope of salvage now devoid
I see the truth inside your eyes
I sit up slightly on my bed and stare gloomily into the mirror in front of me. I'm still not used to the empty space beside me, where he usually sat whenever I was troubled. Now he's the one who's making me troubled. He's not here to give me words of comfort; I'm almost wishing he were here giving me another speech about how he needs to save the world. I never really told him my true feelings about the risks we took. I never really told him that I wanted him to stay out of it and keep himself safe.
Hell, if only I had said something. Staring at this mirror is so boring. My face looks really weird when it's all droopy like this; I guess I got really used to smiling all the time when I was around him. I still look boring, though. Why? My hair sticks up every which way no matter what I do to it and my bangs are blonde and pointy, for God's sake! And my eyes are purple… who the hell has purple eyes? Yami does… but they look good on him.
His eyes… I could go on and on about his eyes. They were always so deep and mysterious… but ever since that day… They were just as beautiful, but I saw something in them that I had never seen before. It was love.
So take all this noise into your brain and send it back again
I'll bear the cost, shed my skin, call you up and then...
I'll say the words out loud
I thought the look was for me. He was talking to me with the look in his eyes, describing his latest trip to the museum. I still remember the conversation exactly…
"Aibou, Anzu and I went to the museum again today."
"Oh? When was that?" I could feel the jealousy boiling up inside me, but I slightly grasped a napkin in my lap to keep it from surfacing and showing up in my face, keeping my eyes trained on him. Every move that his mouth made, every slight movement of his hands… every time he turned his head his soft hair swished again as though caught up in a wind.
"Earlier today. I had another vision, but it was not like the others." His expression had softened even more. "In all of the others I have had, I was dueling… but in this one… I was… celebrating something with him."
"Who?"
He paused slightly, casting his eyes out the window of the restaurant in which we had been sitting. "…Seto…" he murmured.
I clench my sheets slightly. He had called him Seto… it was then that I realized that the love in his eyes wasn't for me. I asked a little bit about the vision, but he wouldn't go into too much detail, saying it was all too unclear to remember much.
You could resurrect a thousand words
To deceive me more and more
A thousand words will give the reasons why
I don't need you anymore
It wasn't unclear. I know it was crystal clear to him. His eyes said it all. Something made him act that way. But he won't tell me. He'll never tell me what he saw.
Time manipulates your heart
Preconceptions torn apart
Begin to doubt my state of mind
But do I really want to know? I stand up and stretch, glaring at the wall tinted by moonlight. Turning back to the mirror, I stare at myself. With only my boxer shorts on, I realize how freakin' skinny I am. Almost makes me think that Kaiba was right in calling me a runt. Kaiba was always mean to me and my friends. If he knew how Yami feels about him… he wouldn't do anything but shun him.
I know Kaiba would never return what Yami feels. The only love he's ever felt is for Mokuba, who always has annoyed me deep down. Sometimes I'd be on the brink of kicking the kid, but I'd always feel it when Yami was in control. He has that weird power over me; like I can't do anything by myself . Almost like some weird and twisted version of a sado-masochistic relationship.
As long as I was with him, he's always talked about how important the past is, and how history repeats itself.
But I won't go down on what I said
I won't retract convictions read
I may perplex, but I'm not blind
He told me that history repeats itself, and that it was his destiny to save the world again. If I asked him about his vision, he'd probably avoid my questioning again… but what if he does tell me? What if he tells me the full extent of what happened? I don't want to hear what he did with his ancient cousin… and he'd probably come up with the excuse that if it happened in the past, it will happen again. That would be just wonderful, just great.
All this time I've been watching him, falling in love with him, and I've never said anything. I was stupid. I glare at myself again in the mirror, smacking myself in the forehead. "Baka!" I yell quietly. …How did I do that? Maybe it was more of a loud whisper… I'm getting so confused by all of this. Why doesn't he just open up to me, damnit?
So take all this noise into your brain and send it back again
I'll bear the cost, shed my skin call you up and then...
I'll say the words out loud
He always told me everything; he even tried to give me advice on what to do on my date with Anzu, even though I was planning to have him be in charge through the whole thing. He's helped my friends and… Kaiba… Even though they weren't his friends he helped them and grew close to them. But I wonder where that weird feeling came from? Is it wrong to be surprised that someone you've known for a long time has a sudden whacked-out vision and falls in love with whoever it is they dreamed about? I certainly hope not, 'cause I've had plenty of weird dreams about Pegasus…
I walk over to my desk in the dark and pick up a small comb. This was Yami's; I had hidden it from him before he left, hoping it'd make him come back for it. Then what? I don't know, maybe I'd just watch him look for it, watch his strong, smooth arms move things out of the way, watch his blonde pointy bangs fall about his face, maybe catch a few glances at him when he was bent over… but after he found the comb, he'd leave again.
You could resurrect a thousand words
To deceive me more and more
A thousand words will give the reasons why
I don't need you anymore
He left about a week ago because he "needed to take some time to think". I think he left because I was depressing him or something. That must be it. After all, I did just sit around on the kitchen floor, slowly gobbling up all of the ice cream for a while; I'm surprised that I don't have anything to show for it. I pinch my stomach, not really able to grab anything but skin. I can't seem to gain weight, and neither does Yami… but he looks good because he's skinny, I look like… I step in front of the mirror again. I look like a shrimp. A big shrimp with freaky hair.
He could never love me back. Who could love a shrimp who's too afraid to say what his feelings are? I wonder if Yami will figure that out about Kaiba. It's like a continuous line in a way… a weird thought pops into my head. Boy would it be weird if Kaiba loved me, 'cause I sure as hell don't love him back. It'd be like a weird and twisted version of a love triangle. Still…
I sit back down on my bed and lay back with a muffled thud, my hands behind my head. There's the ceiling again. I've been staring at it for many a night when I couldn't sleep, so it's kinda like a routine. One of the few things that actually stays stable in this house. I'm like… Uranium or something… some unstable thing that randomly explodes. I feel especially calm tonight for some reason. Maybe the subliminal is sending me the message that I should stop moping about, stop wallowing in a pit of despair, and get on with my life.
Yami is and always will be my first love, but now that I know he loves Kaiba, I can't stand to be around him. Yet I want him by my side at the same time. I needed to tell him that I loved him before he left. Now I don't know when he's coming back, or if he'll ever. Hey… there's a spot missing on the ceiling… I sit up again and squint at the blank spot and realize that there used to be a small wad of gum stuck up there. I immediately feel around in my hair to make sure that it isn't stuck in there, but I don't find anything.
I get up and dump out one of the drawers in my desk and grab a piece of gum, shoving it into my mouth and chewing it. There needs to be a piece of gum up there. Why? Because I feel like being anal about it. I want the ceiling to stay the same as it always was. I want it to be the same as when Yami was here.
I'll say the words out loud
I'll say a thousand words or more
Manipulation. Fabrication. Conversation. Annihilation.
I'll say a thousand words or more
Damnation. Frustration. Elevation. Procreation.
I'll say a thousand words or more
As the gum starts to lose its flavor, I pace my room slightly. I really should try to find Yami… I should try to find him to tell him what I think about him loving Kaiba. Boy what a weird conversation that would be.
"Hey Yami, can we talk?"
"Of course, aibou, what is it?" He'd give me that comforting look that I've grown to adore.
"I think that you should stop loving Kaiba and love me."
I laugh rather loudly, grabbing at a chair for support. Boy, did that sound stupid… I don't know how I'd tell him without sounding desperate or whiny; maybe I just shouldn't. I wonder if he left because he worried about the same thing. Kaiba would probably laugh in his face and kick him out of the building, he knows that. I wonder why he left?
I take the gum out and stand on my bed, looking for the perfect spot where the wad should be. I want him to come back, but I don't. Anyone who loves Kaiba has to be slapped, even if it is the other me. I find the spot and lift up my arm to try and press it to the ceiling, but I'm still too short. I start hopping slightly, making my bed creak, but I'm worried that I'll get it stuck in the wrong place, so I stop. I close one eye and stick out my tongue slightly in concentration, preparing to jump up and stick it back in its place. I hear a soft knock on the door.
You could resurrect a thousand words
To deceive me more and more
A thousand words will give the reasons why
I don't need you anymore
I keep my eye fixed upon the ceiling and don't take any heed to whoever's there, staring to bend my knees for the jump. The door opens, and a soft voice drifts over to me. "Aibou…"
I freeze. I turn to see Yami standing in the doorway, the soft moonlight flowing over him form like a silver silk. I always wondered and loved how the light does that to him. He looks so glorious that I realize how stupid and awkward I must look. A big, pointy-haired shrimp, half naked, partially crouched on the bed with a wad of gum in its hand, staring wide-eyed at him like a deer in headlights. I immediately hop off the bed and toss the gum into the trash, standing to face him. He slightly glances at my chest; I don't think he's ever seen me without a shirt before.
"Aibou…" he says again, coming forward slightly. "There's something… there's something that I need to tell you."
I blink. Is he going to tell me what happened in the vision? I hope—no wait, I don't hope. I don't want to know. But, I should know. I'm his hikari, damnit. I wonder why it took him so long to come back and tell me. I nod slightly and sit down on the bed, and he comes and sits beside me. We look at each other, and I catch a glimpse of the mirror behind him; the empty space beside me is filled now. Boy, how much I missed that. I refocus my eyes on him.
"I worry that I've disturbed you, Yugi," he murmurs, concern and care laced deep within his words. "I know you've probably figured out the change in me ever since my last vision of my past came across my mind… I should not have left, but I needed to be alone and think."
Oh, so that was it. He wasn't going to escape me and he wasn't going to try to woo Kaiba. That's good… I think.
"I realized that I couldn't stay away from you for so long," he says, putting a hand on my shoulder. "I can't be too far away from you without feeling empty. We have a bond, Yugi… no matter where we end up, you will always be my aibou."
Oh that's just great. I'm his aibou. His partner. Well, what was I expecting? I guess I was half-hoping that he was going to tell me that he realized what a baka he was and that he loves me more than Kaiba. Boy, do I have stupid fantasies. Something must have showed in my face, because he gives my shoulder a slight squeeze and peers at me. "Yugi?"
I snap back into reality and look back at him. He looks so handsome when he's trying to comfort someone. Even though I don't see love in his eyes, I'll gladly take the concern he's pouring forth. He cares about me… because I'm his partner. I guess that's the most that I can get. I'll take it.
"Yami…" I whisper, taking his hand off my shoulder and holding it softly in both of mine. "There's… there's something I need to tell you, too."
Well, there you have it. Good? Bad? So-so? Icky? Sticky? Stupid? I'd love to hear some feedback on this, whatever it may be. Arigato for reading!
